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Code was, Bdubs had decided, very weird.
It was also incredibly inconvenient. You think you knew a little about yourself, going through life as per freaking usual, just trying to get by. You made friends and joined groups and thought you just had some weird hyperfixations on a few things, like sleeping! What was so wrong about needing to sleep? Even if you were a little more concerned about it than the average player?
Really, it wasn’t fair for the other hermits to judge him on his sleep schedule; most of them didn’t even have one. Of course he was going to look a bit ridiculous in comparison.
And yeah, sure, Bdubs had always had a thing for plants. And he’d always been pretty freaked out by mobs, and didn’t like going into the nether if he could avoid it. But those were just preferences . They’d never indicated any sort of thing otherwise.
So, yes, code was weird. Because Bdubs had gone through life just assuming that all of the above was just a collection of quirks, when in reality, it was because his code was incomplete . And, when Xisuma updated the HC-9 code to reflect universal updates, all of those things came rushing to the forefront.
It started out slow. One minute, Xisuma was notifying everybody to stay on the server and get themselves in a secure place - just in case! - while he updated the world code. Bdubs had been building his monolith, at the time, and so he just slipped inside one of the finished rooms to rest for a few minutes. When the update had taken place, the usual tingly effect had been replaced with a full-blown episode of dizziness. Almost to the point of Bdubs passing out. He’d ended up on his hands and knees, swooning, trying to keep himself awake. It had passed quickly enough, but it had frightened him. What had happened?
When he waited the next few minutes and nothing else took place, and Xisuma declared that the update was over, Bdubs thought it might have been the usual effect combined with his recent fatigue from building so much. He didn’t want to think about it too deeply, or risk freaking himself out. If it happened again, he would say something.
It didn’t - the dizziness - but it was replaced by other events.
A few days after the code update, Bdubs found himself struggling.
It was the combination of a bunch of little things. Like how, for example, he suddenly seemed more anxious than usual. It came out of the blue for absolutely no reason; creeping waves of it, especially when he was mining. His imagination started to go haywire, pictures of monsters and other terrifying creatures starting to manifest themselves when he lay curled up in bed, trying to sleep. It was lit enough to stop monsters from spawning, but after a few sleepless nights Bdubs had installed a few more torches, and the anxiety decreased.
At least, it did in his bedroom. It still haunted him while mining.
So, yeah, jumpiness was a new normal that Bdubs had already experienced but was now coming on in strange, oppressive waves. And then there was his weird reaction to lush caves.
They were a new biome that had spawned in as part of the update. Xisuma had briefed them all on some of the changes before actually initiating the change. Bdubs was particularly pleased with these caves, just upon their description. And boy , did they deliver .
They were gorgeous. Thick strands of lush, creeping vines descending from the ceiling and sporting clusters of this, amber-colored berries that glowed . Sweeping layers of clay and rivers, with new, verdant plants that stretched wide leaves upwards towards the glowberry sky. There were axolotls (or, as Tango affectionately called them, water kittens,) which were adorable and splashed around in the streams in colors of pink and brown and blue.
And there was moss. Bdubs was, almost immediately, obsessed with moss.
He had no idea why. He’d been drawn in by the smell of it, first; sweet, slightly musty, but overwhelmingly pleasant. Then touch; dragging his hands through the soft fuzz, feeling the life of it fluffing up to touch the palms of his hands. It triggered something incredibly joyous deep in his soul, and he decided on the spot that he needed it on him at all times. A frenzied moment had found him lying in it, nuzzling into it, trying to get as much of it on his person as possible. Practically burying himself in it.
Thankfully, nobody else had been around at the time to see Bdubs lose it on that particular day. But that didn’t stop him from dragging bundles of the stuff home with him and, with his sewing skills that he usually reserved for blankets or winter wear, he made himself a sweatshirt.
It was, without a doubt, one of the greatest articles of clothing that Bdubs had ever seen , nevermind wear. Realistically he recognized that a sweatshirt made out of moss wasn’t going to last very long, since the moss would die as soon as he removed it from its place in the caves, but he could at least enjoy it for a little while. Plus, he enjoyed the look on the others’ faces when they saw his work.
But a few days passed, and while Bdubs prepared himself for the moss to go yellow and brittle, it never did. In fact, it stayed - or possibly grew - lush and verdant as long as he wore it. Impossibly soft, smelling like a delicious mix of sweet plant life and petrichor… all of it was perfect.
It had been a weird week since Xisuma had updated the code, but Bdubs had it under control. Anxiety came and went in waves, but the moss covering actually helped, and who was Bdubs to question why some moss didn’t want to die?
The real trouble started when Bdubs got a call from Scar to come check out his Scarland construction. Ordinarily, this wouldn’t be an issue, but Scar had called him when the sun was setting.
Which shouldn’t have been a problem! Bdubs had a tight sleep schedule, but he didn't mind breaking it now and again when it was called for. Plus, sleep master Bdubs might be able to coax Scar to get to bed in the process, and that would be a victory.
And yet, it was getting dark out…
Bdubs stood on one of his balconies and stared out at the sunset, shifting anxiously side to side. The further down the sun dipped into the horizon, the more nervous he felt. Creeping, icy vines were weaving themselves around his ribs and into the pit of his stomach. He felt cold, clammy. His fingers might have even been shaking.
“What is wrong with you?” Bdubs growled at himself, hugging his middle. “Snap out of it! It’s just a sunset!”
But it wasn’t just a sunset. It was what lay beyond it. The longer he looked, and the longer it sank, the more Bdubs swore he could almost hear voices.
It’s getting dark out.
Light is fading.
Need light! Mobs will spawn!
Bdubs shook his head. It was all internal; thoughts spawned by whatever was making him so nervous these days. He just had to fight past it.
GoodtimeswithScar: Bdubs, you coming?
BdoubleO100: On my way!
Bdubs bit his lip, casting the twilight sky another anxious glance. The sun was almost completely down, and if it hadn't been for the nervousness in his system, he would have been feeling the usual pull of fatigue, calling him to his soft bed.
No, he had to focus. Bdubs grabbed rockets from his inventory and pulled out his elytra, spreading the wings fully before launching himself into the air. He kept his eyes firmly fixed on the ground as he flew, tracking the lights that he’d placed before to help guide him to Scarland’s construction site. He used to be able to fly this path without any problems.
Maybe I should ride Mi Amore from now on, since the ground will have more light, he wondered idly. Almost immediately he stiffened, swerving by accident in the air.
Bad idea. Ground and darkness means mobs.
Mobs will spawn.
Light! Need light!
Bdubs shuddered, yelping when he realized he had started to angle downwards. He pulled himself upright with a rocket and found himself shaking, sweat breaking out in shivery waves under his sweatshirt. Bdubs normally thought he had a pretty good handle on his emotions but this… whatever these intrusive thoughts were, he might need to mention them to Xisuma. This was getting out of hand.
Scarland was right ahead of him, a patch of light in an increasingly suffocating darkness. Relieved, Bdubs angled himself downwards. Scar always knew how to make him feel better. He’d visit, then head home and sleep, and everything would feel better in the morning.
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“Well hello, Bdubs!” Scar greeted him warmly when he landed, folding his elytra back in on itself. The wizard was dressed in his new construction-type outfit, complete with a helmet that had a cute pictogram of Jellie on the side. Bdubs had no idea if the outfit was a glamour or not - which would impact the actual safety of the helmet quite a bit, as an example - but it certainly was a good look on him, either way. Not that Scar could ever look bad in an outfit. The man was a force to be reckoned with regardless of clothing.
“Hi, Scar.” Bdubs grinned up at him. He felt better already, sitting pretty in the middle of “main street,” as it had been called. There were torches placed along the road that emanated a golden, flickering light, and the sight of it eased much of the tension in his chest. “What did you want to see me for? Especially at night, Scar. You should be sleeping. I should be sleeping.”
Scar pouted. “Well, I needed building advice, and you’re the best man for the job.”
Bdubs flushed, pleased. “C’mon Scar, you ? Need building advice?”
“Well, I specifically need help with grati- grama-” Scar sputtered, and Bdubs waited patiently until the vex could spit out what he wanted to say. “You know, the shading thing.”
“Oh gradient ,” Bdubs chuckled. “Sure, okay, I guess I am pretty good at that.”
“ Pretty good?” Scar sounded almost offended. “You’re incredible! And I need advice.”
“Oki-doki! Show me what you need help with.”
Bdubs had been right. As Scar led him down main street to one of the buildings, chattering about structure and color (as well as trying to subtly prove that he could, in fact, say the word gradient ), Bdubs felt so much better. Tired, certainly, but otherwise in good spirits. He found himself cringing a little at some of the darker, unfinished buildings that Scar was still working on, but as long as they stayed in the center of main street, he felt fine.
At least, he was until common sense came to smack him in the face. This was Scar he was talking about. Going around Scar’s bases, especially unfinished, at night was usually not a good idea. All of the intrusive thoughts started to sink back in, kept at bay by his friend’s deep, soothing voice and the light of the torches. But how long would that last?
If he were to check his clock, he would have found out that the peace would last exactly twenty-one minutes and fifty-seven seconds.
“So what I need, Bdubs, is a way to make the shadows look natural so that- OAAAWWAAAH!!” A high-pitched, Scar-typical cry warbled through the air as his friend grabbed him by the sleeve of his hoodie and pulled him backwards. Bdubs yelped at the sudden pull, spinning to see a green, furry body, with dark, soulless eyes that flashed -
BOOOM, went the creeper, exploding on the spot. It knocked Bdubs back into Scar, who in turn fell backwards until the two of them tumbled into the pavement. The explosion tore up a chunk of Scar’s beautifully paved brickwork, sent heat and wind rippling through the air and, because of this, blew out several torches that had been nearby. The area was plunged into darkness.
And in that moment, every fear, every scrap of anxiety, every moment of dread that had been washing over in Bdubs in waves since the moment the world code was changed, crashed into him.
DARK.
TOO DARK.
NEED LIGHT.
MOBS SPAWNING.
GOING TO DIE.
NEED LIGHT, NEEDLIGHTNEEDLIGHTNEED-
“Bdubs!” There were hands touching him, big ones, and Bdubs couldn’t help but cringe away. Waves of absolute, sheer horror were flooding through him without mercy. He was going to die, here. The darkness was pushing in on him, crushing him, stealing his air. Mobs would be pulled in by it to torment him. The world was going to end, now, if he didn’t get light.
The moss - the moss would help. With fingers trembling so badly he could barely move them, Bdubs grabbed his hoodie and burrowed into it as much as he could, curling up to make himself small. The moss would protect him. The moss would keep him safe.
The voice from before was still talking, but he could hardly make out what was being said. Bdubs whined when arms suddenly surrounded him and lifted him up, folding him close to a warm, firm surface. The sound that left his throat was one he’d never heard before; a trilling sound, something animalistic. It transformed into a keening whimper when the person holding him leapt into the air. He could feel the residual light in his peripheral senses fading away, leaving nothing but blackness.
Need light.
Too dark.
Going to die.
NEED LIGHT.
“Shhhh, it’s okay.” Words filtered in past the panic, and it sounded like whoever was holding him was crying. This only served to make Bdubs more scared, since why else would somebody be crying if not out of fear? He could feel his own tears sliding down his cheeks, dampening the moss he was hiding in. His eyes burned behind closed eyelids.
Then, suddenly, there was light. Not here , not present, but it was off in the distance. Bdubs couldn’t see it with his actual eyes, being curled up and hidden as he was, but he could sense them getting closer. Another voice was shouting and Bdubs whimpered, fighting to curl up even tighter. The person holding him adjusted their hold slightly.
The light was getting brighter, still not visible but present . Brighter, brighter, warmer. It seeped into Bdubs bones and began soothing away the pain and terror. He felt himself start to calm.
“Scar, what happened?”
“I don’t know, X! We were fine at my place but then a c-creeper showed up, and it exploded, and all of a sudden he was on the ground like this and - oh, Xisuma, he’s shaking -”
He was. There was light, but the residual panic still had sunk icy hooks into his bones. Every part of him was trembling, out of fatigue and lingering terror. The hissing thoughts of need light, mobs will spawn, going to die were slowly fading into the background, which helped somewhat.
Gentle hands lowered him to the ground, and while the light was here and there were no mobs around (how Bdubs could tell that, he didn’t know) he still stayed curled up, weathering the aftershocks. Someone murmured soothing words to him as they came to sit close, and then someone - not the same person who was carrying him - spoke to him.
“Bdubs? Can you open your eyes and look at me? Please?”
Bdubs knew that voice. It came back to him quickly enough to cause whiplash, and he stiffened. Panic was nearly gone, and his tremors had faded somewhat, so common sense was taking its rightful place at the forefront of his brain once again.
He straightened, drawing himself out of his hoodie. The first thing he saw was Xisuma, kneeling in front of him, eyes wide with concern behind his visor. They shined with relief at the sight of him emerging from his green cocoon. “Oh thank the void.”
“What happened?” Bdubs asked, wincing at the sound of his own voice, which was hoarse. There were lights in Xisuma’s visor being reflected from behind him; two orange circles. He blinked in surprise, then twisted to look behind him, but there were no lights there. “Wha-”
“It’s okay. Everything’s okay, Bdubs.” Scar appeared over Xisuma’s shoulder, and Bdubs’ heart clenched at how terrified the wizard looked, with eyes red and glassy from crying.
“I think,” Xisuma said carefully, eyes scanning his face, “That we might have accidentally unlocked something with the new code update.”
“What does that mean?” Bdubs croaked. He was so tired now; whatever had happened had drained all of the energy out of him. He had a feeling that Xisuma was looking for him to stand, but he couldn’t. Instead, he just pulled his knees to his chin and huddled down on the ground outside of Xisuma’s base. “What’s wrong with me?”
“I don’t…” Xisuma hesitated. “I don’t think anything is wrong, Bdubs. Just different.”
Bdubs scowled at him, but Xisuma was speaking again. “Is it okay if I carry you inside? You should sleep - we can figure this out in the morning.”
Bdub’s pride said no - there were only a few people he would willingly let pick him up (*cough* Etho, Doc, Beef, and Scar, respectively *cough*) but Scar was still shaken looking and he didn’t think he could stand on his own. So he nodded, and Xisuma carefully gathered him into his arms, walking him into his base. It was an unfamiliar feeling and situation; Xisuma’s bone armor was pointy and sharp and generally not made for the comfort of those who might be pressed against the outside of it, but the admin’s touch was gentle and oozed tenderness, so Bdubs could deal with it for now.
Xisuma carried him inside to his own bedroom, with Scar hovering close behind. Bdubs shivered as the door opened - the room was cold, and the air felt startlingly light and crisp against the back of his throat.
“Scar, can you switch that lever on the wall to ‘off’?” Xisuma called, already settling Bdubs into his bed. He was fussing with the covers, making sure Bdubs was tucked in snugly. They were thin, and so didn’t provide much warmth, but then the admin reached for a chest at the foot of his bed and pulled out more blankets.
“Got it.” Scar agreed, flipping the lever. There was a hissing sound, and then the temperature in the room began to slowly rise, with the air regaining a proper weightiness that Bdubs associated with overworld air.
“Okay, Bdubs.” Xisuma said calmly. He finished tucking the last blanket around him and patted his shoulder compassionately. “Did you need anything else before you get some sleep? We can discuss everything else in the morning.”
“No, just…” Bdubs hesitated, glancing around the room, then at Scar. “Can… can Scar stay, if that’s okay with you, Scar? And can we keep the lights on?”
Scar’s face split in a shaky grin, and the wizard made his way over to the bed. “I’d be happy to, if Xisuma is okay with it.”
“Of course I am.” Xisuma nodded. “And yes, I’ll make sure to leave the lights on.”
“Good.” Bdubs breathed. The bed was soft, warmth quickly seeping into his tired muscles. He was very much prepared to go to sleep, for the first time that night. “X?”
“Yeah?”
“Thank you.”
“Of course, Bdubs.” Xisuma said warmly. “Sleep tight. We’ll figure everything out in the morning.”
Xisuma left the room, but there was still light, and Scar had flopped himself onto the bed to curl securely around the outside of Bdubs’ little cocoon he’d found himself in. The wizard had a blanket wrapped securely around his shoulders, and an arm carefully draped over Bdubs, as if to keep him grounded to the bed. Bdubs didn’t mind in the slightest. It was reassuring, that weight, and to hear Scar’s heartbeat and breathing so close by. Especially after the confusion and terror that had happened earlier that night.
And so, feeling much more relaxed, much more safe, Bdubs closed his eyes and let himself drift off in a comfortable, restful sleep.
They’d solve whatever problems there were to be had in the morning.