Chapter Text
It had been over a month since he had last seen Jonathan. The other rogue seemingly disappearing off the face of the earth. Edward didn’t like it. With each day that passed it felt like a mold spread under his skin. Creeping into every muscle and bone filling him with an exhaustion he would never think possible. Just where the hell had he gone? Edward knew that Scarecrow liked to be alone but for his partner to not even check up on him once. It left him in a pit of unease. Sitting in his hideout, Edward found himself scribbling down riddles in a desperate attempt to distract himself from the missing presence in his life. He needed to keep himself busy and keep working so that he could take down Batman once and for all. After all, that’s all that truly mattered. Right? He could ignore how empty his bed felt at night. How quiet every hour felt. But with each passing hour, he found himself glancing towards the door more and more often until he was practically staring at it. As if by watching the rotting wood. Jonathan would magically appear in front of him and hold him close.
A metallic tang filled his mouth and with a start, he realised that he had been gnawing at his lip. Tearing the flesh in an unconscious attempt to distract himself. It wasn’t working. In fact, it only made him feel worse. The sharp sting brought tears to his eyes, or maybe it was the stress. He hated being like this. So desperate for attention. For reverence and appreciation that the moment someone he even somewhat cared about ignored him his brain instantly reverted back to that of a frightened child. Clinging into his mother's skirt as he begged her to just look at him. Prove to him that he was still real, that he existed. If no one would acknowledge him then how would he know if wasn’t stuck in some fantasy? A nightmare where he was nothing more than a reflection in a glass. Destined to be forever ignored by those who passed by.
A tear passed down his cheek. Meek and ignored by its creator. The salty water picked up grime and blood until it finally fell down and off his face. Disappearing from existence. Edward almost envied it. How much nicer it would be if he could just disappear. He waited for more to follow. Expecting himself to just collapse into tears here and now. But none came. And with this came a horrible void within that reminded him just truly how much was missing from him. No wonder Jonathan decided to leave him. After all, how could anyone love anything as broken as him? So used by the people who came before that he found himself building up a whole new self. Someone who could be loved by anyone. He would put his intelligence up onto a mantel and prove to people around him that he had worth. But once they saw the cracks. The rushed smothering of paper mache to hide his flaws. What more could he do when they turned away, disgusted by what they found? While he found himself obsessed with them, they saw him as something easily replaceable. A pawn for their silly little games. He had no other choice than to push them away, become the ruler of his own world. Controlling each and every variable. Pushing and prodding everyone who dared to grow close until they passed each and every one of his tests.
Maybe that’s why he let his guard down with Jonathan. The rogue had passed his tests. They’d struggled together, working hard to get where they were. He’d been there for Jonathan when Killer Croc had taken everything from him. But he was foolish to believe that Jonathan would do the same for him. Why had he put so much trust in that selfish psychologist? He had believed each and every word that had poured from his rotten mouth. That Jonathan loved him and trusted him. That Edward would never be alone again. What a load of Bullshit. Sitting here in his hideout he could see that now. With a frustrated yell, he chucked the pen clenched into his hand as hard as he could, receiving little satisfaction as the pen shattered against the wall. His fingernails dug into the calloused flesh of his hands. The pain grounded him ever so slightly. Just before he slammed his hand down onto the desk in front of him a shadowed figure standing by his door caught his eye. With a tight frown, he stared back at his deck. Ignoring them.
“You better leave in the next five seconds Batman, or I’m going to make you suffer pain you didn’t know possible,” he said, voice low and bitter.
“Why you offend me, Edward, I would assume you’d know the difference between me and that so-called vigilante.”
That familiar drawl was like a stab to his heart. Jonathan. Just when he was convinced that he was never going to see the other rogue again, when he was maybe even starting to make peace with it. The asshole had to show up and throw him off balance. He didn’t know how to feel. A desperate part of him wanted nothing more than to run up to Jonathan and hug him. But a much stronger part of him wanted to find his nearest gun and shoot as many bullets as possible at the other man. He settled for somewhere in the middle.
“What the fuck do you want Crane?”
“ I was hoping to discuss some plans I had, for my revenge against Batman but... since when were we on a last-name basis, Edward? Did I miss some anniversary? I’m truly sorry if I did but I’ve been so busy meeting up with the other rogues to plan this meeting that?”
“Oh I see you had time to check in with the others” His head snapped towards Jonathan, Mouth down into a tight snarl of distaste “ But you couldn’t even leave me a message to let me know you were alright! After all, I did for you, nursing you back to health. Helping you when you were at an all-time low. And you couldn’t even handle one goddamn phone call”
Jonathan stared at him in shock. His mouth sometimes opening like he was going to say something before deciding against it.
“Don’t look at me like that Jonathan, I want you out of this fucking place now. I refuse to put up with this bullshit again. Go!”
With that final shout, the tears that he fought had long disappeared came cascading down his face, blurring his vision into a watercolour of misery. His jaw ached as he clenched his teeth shut. Refusing to let a single noise out of his mouth. He wouldn’t give Jonathan the satisfaction of hearing just how much he hurt him. He rubbed one of his hands quickly across his face removing the majority of the tears that had fallen but more came obscuring his sight once more.
“Darlin?” Jonathan sounded so hesitant, so small. So unlike himself. Edward hated it, hated himself for making Jonathan sound like that. But his paranoia won over in the end.
“Just go, Jon” He turned back to his desk, not even waiting for Jonathan to leave before he picked up another pen from his desk and got straight back to work. Nothing mattered anymore. He would take down Batman even if it killed him along the way.