Work Text:
Twisting around the diamond ring on your right hand, you worry your bottom lip with your teeth. The metal flashes in the low light given off by your computer. It’s about ten minutes to midnight now, and you haven’t been on at all yet today. Even though the stress of the school day was enough to send you hurrying to get online and unwind, your nervousness has ballooned up inside of you, preventing you from just doing it.
But in ten minutes it will be too late for it to be, well, special. Shaking your head, you run your hands through your hair, pulling on it as you groan in frustration. Why was this such a problem? You just had to man up, and stick to your plan!
Sucking in a deep breath, you log into your pesterchum account. What you see isn’t quite what you expect.
TG: you didnt forget what day it is did you
TG: because if you forgot and if i have to remind you
TG: that shit is just uncool dude
TG: where are you
TG: get on
TG: i dont have all night
TG: ok
TG: that might be a lie
TG: bro and i already did my birthday shenanigans
TG: and my friends dont have anything for the actual day
TG: we are going to fuck around on saturday
TG: who knows where or doing what
TG: anyway
TG: cmon dude
TG: why am i even messaging you while youre gone
TG: its not like the power of my messaging you repeatedly will summon you to your computer chair like rose and one of her dark lore book things
TG: maybe it does though
TG: i should ask her to borrow one of her books and try to use her dark magics to bring your ass to your chair
TG: havent tried it yet and ive tried just about everything else that i can mister wont give out his email or his phone number or any jack shit about himself at all
TG: because clearly everyone on the internet is a pedophile and we are all coming to get into your tight little pants and molest you
TG: eridan heres a plot twist
TG: i am a forty year old dude just waiting for you to get on
TG: can you hear me breathing heavily over there?
TG: im like darth vader
TG: heavy breathing all over the place imagining your little self
CA: davve do you havve any idea howw that sounds
CA: or did you get lost in listenin to the sound a your owwn vvoice again
CA: i mean damn
CA: fuckin creepy
Why are you saying this. Why are you starting the conversation like this? This is not what you wanted at all. You have to turn this away from calling him creepy. That is not acceptable.
TG: hello to you too
TG: about time for you to get on
CA: and wwhats this shit about summonin me wwith magic?
CA: you knoww that shit wwouldnt be compatable wwith a computer and technology
TG: of course dude it was just a figure of speech or whatever
CA: its stupid and fake
CA: and you knoww you gotta keep our convversations about magic into their proper place
CA: wwhere evverythin is fake
TG: right can we move on now
TG: magic is fake
TG: cant summon your ass
TG: so lets get to the good shit
TG: what did you get me
Your heart is thumping in your chest, starting up its own percussion drum in your ears and your shaky breath is giving it all the voice accompaniment that it needs. What if it isn’t good enough. What if he doesn’t like it. What if it is a terrible idea for a gift and it just ruins everything? What if you ruin everything?
The speed of your breath is picking up again and you feel kind of sick to the stomach as you hold your hands over the keyboard. Dave seems to be in a verbose mood because in your hesitation he starts rambling again.
TG: spill it
TG: spill your carefully wrapped present beans all over this
TG: i want to tear off the glittering paper and that tacky huge ribbon that you used to wrap this gift up
TG: youve been talking this up for a week now
TG: about how grand and great and perfect your present is for me
TG: it will completely blow your mind dave
TG: it will be the best fucking gift ever given dave
TG: it will make you feel great dave
TG: thats what ive been hearing so its time to pony up dude
TG: cards on the table
TG: text on the screen
TG: what did you you manage to get me thats so fucking amazing that it will make me lose my shit
TG: when you wont send me any packages or even a picture of your face
TG: shit are you the pedo here dude
TG: do not drop the im actually a forty year old dude, dave! bomb that is a shitty bomb
TG: if that is your gift leave me in the fucking dark okay
TG: hello?
CA: can you shut up for one goddamn second and let me just fuckin do this already or do i gotta listen to you ramble on and on
CA: if you just wwant to talk at me about wwhat my gift is then wwe can do that
CA: i dont havve to givve you anythin at all
CA: you might not evven deservve it!
No, no, this is not right. Change that right now! Your fingers clatter quickly over the keys, the light flashing across your rings. Your lower lip is numb from how hard you are digging your teeth into it.
TG: wow this gift is that good is it
CA: yes
CA: its that fuckin good
TG: what the hell is it then
TG: you cant just talk it up like this like a girl who talks big about how she can tongue fuck anyone into submission
CA: davve! wwhat?
TG: and not put out
TG: interrupting my metaphor
TG: rude
CA: look this is kind of a big deal
TG: uh huh
CA: and so it wwould help me wwith this wwhole process if you just shut the fuck up for a second and let me calm the fuck dowwn
TG: dude
TG: its a present
TG: what the hell is the big deal?
CA: do you knoww howw long i took figurin out wwhat to get you
CA: i mean i havve some pretty sevvere limitations here
TG: self imposed ones might i suggest
CA: look if you wwant to keep bein able to talk to me wwe havve to do it this wway!
CA: is that what you want? to stop talking to me?
TG: eridan
TG: calm the fuck down
TG: that isnt what i said all right?
CA: sorry i knoww
CA: im just really
CA: uh
TG: nervous? anxious?
CA: that
CA: yeah
TG: . . .
TG: so what the fuck is it thats got you flipping out?
TG: this has only managed to further pique my curiosity
CA: its just
TG: just what
The words are frozen in your head. There so many things you want to say next. That you’re afraid. That you’re absolutely terrified. That your stomach has twisted itself up so tightly you didn’t eat dinner and almost threw up your lunch earlier today. You sit, second guessing yourself once again, because what if you are reading into everything the wrong way. What if you’re projecting?
What if you are just so wrapped up in your own ego that what you’re feeling, what you’re seeing, all those little vibes you’ve been getting-
Are only in your head?
TG: dude
TG: now im less curious and more freaking the fuck out
TG: sitting here trying to figure out what you could possibly be giving me that would have you so worked up like this
TG: did you make some weird blog post about me or something
TG: what is it
TG: just tell me all right im dying over here
TG: i am a poor soul chained up in a dungeon where instead of getting whipped every day i have the guards bringing me my gruel and then telling me all about the feasts happening just above me
TG: and theres all this great food and i can only get to hear about it and if i do something right but fuck if i know what that something even is
TG: hint for you eridan
TG: youre the guard and im starting to doubt there is any feast going on upstairs at all
CA: maybe this wwas just a really bad idea
CA: i shoulda just gotten you somethin normal after all fuck
CA: wwhat wwas i thinkin
TG: you were thinking that i like cool original shit that no one else gets
TG: which would make you absolutely correct
TG: i would give you a gold star if i could
CA: wwell for sure no one else is gettin this gift
CA: one of a kind
CA: latest model and evverythin
TG: dammit eriduck
TG: quit dancing around the subject
TG: the bushes are gone and you have no more stick to beat them with even if they were still there
TG: what
TG: the
TG: fuck
TG: is
CA: the gift is me
TG: it
TG: what?
CA: its me
CA: or i guess
CA: my heart
TG: what
Shit, this all seems wrong. You thought he would like it said like that, because it wasn’t expected, right, and that’s what irony was, right? You could have just asked him to be your boyfriend but that hadn’t felt right. He was something amazing and special to you and you wanted to show that in a unique confession.
Clearly, though, somewhere along the lines you faltered and now you were wrong- so clearly obviously wrong- and the fear of losing another friend (of losing your closest friend, again) pushed so heavily on your shoulders that you could feel them slump. Tears gathered in your eyes, and your fingers shook as you began to type at a rapid pace. You didn’t dare look up to see if he was writing anything as you just poured out your feelings.
That was how you had told yourself to go, after all, no halfhearted bullshit of maybe liking or possibly having feelings for- no. You were going to be sure, or as sure as you could, and then say so. And everything would end up how it was supposed to.
If you lost a friend, well, you had done that before and it hadn’t completely broken you, after all.
CA: my heart
CA: you knoww like the thing in my chest that pumps blood throughout my body
CA: and is said to hold all those stupid emotions like lovve and stuff
CA: that thing that people cant really livve wwithout
CA: and is symbolically taken out and givven to another person wwhen that said other person pretty much already has it
TG: eridan
CA: meanin that you havve my heart already
CA: so im just kind of offerin it officially to you
CA: minus the cuttin it out and actually tryin to send it to you
TG: eridan stop rambling for half a goddamn second and listen instead
CA: unless thats what you wwant i figure i could find someone for enough money to do it
CA: though that wwould really kind of suck
CA: considerin then i wwould be dead and the reason you wwould havve wwanted my heart wwas because you cared back
TG: you idiot i do care
CA: unless you collect hearts like that
CA: since you keep tellin me howw fuckin hot you look you probably havve people fallin ovver themselvves for you dont they
CA: oh god i didnt evven think a that before
CA: wwhat if you had some asshole askin you out today and you just didnt tell me and then you said yes and you wwere goin to go out wwith them
CA: fuck it wwasnt supposed to go like this at all
CA: all that charmin wwitty bullshit you knoww from me just ran the fuck out the wwindoww
CA: goodbye dignity it wwas nice knowwin you
CA: hello embarrassment as i continue to narrate my complete failure to the one i failed to
TG: stop this right now
TG: stop wallowing in your overactive drama boner and just fucking listen to me
You’re scrubbing furiously at your eyes with your sleeve when he gets the upper hand of the conversation. You stare as the red begins to fill the chatbox and your cheeks grow increasingly hotter in shame as you do.
TG: you didnt even give me a moment to properly respond
TG: before you jumped off the highdive and into the deep end
TG: spinning like a whirligig the whole way down and the proceeding to try and add to the pools water with your tears
TG: you paying attention?
CA: yeah i am
TG: good
TG: because youre not allowed to misunderstand this next bit so if you have any questions at all you need to ask me so everything is nice and clear between us
TG: all right?
CA: yeah
TG: here it comes hold onto your seat
TG: <3
You blink a few times. Your emotions have bounced up and down like crazy in the last twenty minutes and this just breaks your mind. You don’t understand. Your heart is beating like crazy, but you don’t really get it at all.
CA: wwhat wwas that
TG: mister eridan may i present to you a less than three
TG: also known as a text heart
TG: if you are going to be cutting out your heart youre going to be needing one to replace it right?
TG: so take mine
What is air? What is breathing? You don’t think you know which way is up right now, you are pretty sure it doesn’t even matter.
CA: seriously?
TG: seriously
CA: i
CA: okay
TG: im glad youre taking this so calmly
TG: thought i might send you into another maddeningly long rant about hearts being cut out again
CA: i uh
CA: dont knoww wwhat to say exactly
TG: oh dude
TG: did i break your brain
TG: well better your brain than your heart
CA: i think i cant feel my face
TG: what?
CA: i wwas cryin before but noww im smilin and evverythin is beginnin to feel numb i think my face is broken
CA: davve you bastard you broke my face
TG: shut up and be my boyfriend already
CA: wwae9fgohispd
CA: as;ldkf
CA: agww
TG: are you attempting to use your keyboard to fix your face
TG: or did i break that too
CA: if i become your boyfriend do i get to tell you to shut up
TG: sure
TG: but i probably wont listen like usual
CA: you asshole
CA: happy birthday
CA: <3
TG: best present hands down <3
TG: though you could send me a sexy picture if you wanted to make it even better
CA: you are such a pervvert
TG: said the pedo to his underage boyfriend
CA: youre the one wwith the birthday!
CA: youre the pedo!
Tapping out a reply to each one of his little teasing lines, you smile until it hurts and then keep on smiling. So it didn’t go exactly as you had been imagining for the last week and a half, but then--
But then it went exactly the right way, the way that worked. You laugh softly at one of his particularly interesting lines and settle into your chair for a long conversation. You have a lot of shit to talk about today and you want this night to last as long as possible. It was just absolutely...right.