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I had decided to be honest. I knew I might regret it, but I felt like I needed it. And Nick was really convincing. He really made me feel like I actually could be honest about my neurodivergence. He made me feel safe to do it.
Almost nobody at school except Nick, Tao, Aled and a few of the teachers knew I was autistic at the time. Although I felt ready to be open about it, it was still really scary, working with my therapist to plan out the Instagram post, making an infographic about autism, and writing my caption about my life as an autistic person. I stopped many times to question my decision to even do this in the first place, but thinking of Nick's smile, his comforting embrace, and his voice saying the words "you've got this" helped reassure me that this was, in fact, a good idea.
Tori and Nick were both with me the night I posted the post that I had spent nearly two months creating. It was a Saturday night. I'd invited Nick around after dinner because I needed his support while I did this. I didn't tell him that this was why, he thought I just wanted to hang out with him. I hadn't planned a date for it that I had disclosed with him. We were in the middle of a cuddle session when I said, "I think I'm going to post it tonight.". Nick, who had been playing with my hair at the time, dropped the strand of my hair he was holding and looked at me in utter disbelief. "Post it? As in, THE post?" he asked. I nodded. Nick's shocked expression turned into a loving smile. He hugged me again. "Are you sure you want to do this, though? Are you ready? You don't have to if you don't feel ready to." he said, looking at me with a now slightly concerned facial expression. I nodded again. "If I don't do it now, I don't think I ever will." I said.
Then Tori came in, not bothering to knock on the door of my room. "Are you going to do the post now?" she asked me. "I think so." I replied. "You don't sound very sure." Tori said, "Are you really sure you want to go through with this? Opening up about your neurodivergence on Instagram seems really risky to me.". "I'm sure I want to do this. I'm ready to be open about it. And also, maybe it will help other autistic people become more comfortable with themselves if they see it." I said. I've been diagnosed with autism for about two years. It took me almost a year to even feel comfortable with telling any of my friends. It was a hard time, getting the diagnosis, but Tori was there for me. She's also autistic (she was diagnosed first, when she was relatively young), so she knew what I was going through. To be completely honest, I've always felt like Tori was the only person who was really there for me. That is, until I met Nick.
I got my phone out and opened up Instagram. I took a deep breath, then I imported my infographic, and typed my caption, copying it off of a piece of paper. Once I was happy, I posted it. Nick held my hand as I used my other hand to post. He and Tori both looked worried. "Why do you both look so concerned?" I asked. "I just... don't want you to get bullied again." Tori said, "I remember how bad it was when you were outed, I don't want that to happen again.". Nick kissed my cheek. "I'm really proud of you..." he said, but he still looked worried. "Then why do you look so concerned?" I asked. "If you get bullied again, it will be my fault." he said, looking down at the floor. "How?" I asked. "I was the one who convinced you that this would be a good idea." Nick replied, a hint of sadness in his voice. "It's not your fault that so many people are still massively against neurodivergent people. And you were right, this is a good idea. Even if there might be bullies, it's better to be honest than live my life having to try and hide it for the sake of conforming to neurotypicals." I said. This was my turn to reassure him. I couldn't tell if it worked, until he smiled and hugged me. "I love you so much." he said, then we kissed, prompting Tori to leave the room.
***
Apparently everyone had seen the post. All my friends saw it. It resulted in a discussion about it in our group chat (a discussion mostly consisting of "well done Charlie", "saw your post, it's very brave of you to do that" and "hope you're ok, that post must have been hard to make"). Loads of kids from school and from Higgs saw it. A few people commented saying how brave they thought I was to be open about it, although I deliberately didn't check the comments. Even Tori's friend Becky saw it. She saw it a few hours after I posted it and immediately texted Tori saying "OH MY GOD YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOUR BROTHER IS AUTISTIC!??!?!?!?".
But that was nowhere near the worst of it.
I went to school on Monday, not knowing just how many people had seen my post. I felt like I had more eyes on me than normal. I heard a few people talking about the post. A few other people came up to me and asked me about it, one of those being a boy named James McEwan. He seemed to want to know all about my diagnosis process. But thankfully, no bullies.
Yet.
At lunchtime, I didn't really feel like sitting with the whole group because I wasn't enjoying the attention I'd been receiving the whole day and I could practically feel my social battery draining rapidly, so Nick and I just found a quiet spot to sit together, under a tree. It was a nice spot. Nice and quiet. Not many people around to bother me about the post. Very relaxing. "Hey, are you ok? I know the post got a lot more views than you were expecting." Nick said. "I'm fine." I replied. "Ok... but if you're not ok, that's ok too. Please be honest with me." he added. "Well... you know I hate being the centre of attention," I said, "but it's ok because I've got you. And there haven't been any bullies so far. Maybe people aren't quite so ableist as they used to be.". I definitely spoke too soon, because, right as I said this, who should turn up but Harry fucking Greene.
"Hey r*tard!" he yelled at me. This was the moment I regretted the post. That word hit my heart like a weapon and I had the sudden urge to cry, but I held back the tears. Nick looked about ready to kill Harry for using that word alone, but he managed to keep his cool, barely. "Firstly, don't use that word. It's extremely offensive. Secondly, what the fuck do you want?" he said, instinctively grabbing my hand. "Jesus Christ, mate, it's just a word, no need to get so angry over nothing." Harry said, then he turned to me and added, "Saw your post, Spring. I can't believe you're not just a gay nerd, you're an autistic gay nerd!", then he laughed. Like, a proper laugh. "You think it's funny, do you?" Nick snapped. "It is funny! God, your life is even more miserable than I thought." Harry snickered. "I... I know." I said, in such a soft voice that I was practically inaudible. Somehow Nick heard me. I felt him squeeze my hand. "Charlie, please don't say that." he said. The anger in his eyes melted to sadness as he looked at me. "Nick, mate, stop flirting with him. He's just a sad little pathetic r*tard." Harry said, which made me want to cry even more. I was barely keeping myself from crumpling into a sobbing mess on the floor. Nick turned to face Harry again, and the anger in his eyes returned. "What did you just say?" he said, and I could see the hand he wasn't using to hold mine with was in a fist. "You heard me, mate." Harry replied, grinning like he was enjoying messing with both of us. "Don't you 'mate' me. We aren't mates. You're an absolute DICK, and I hate you." Nick said bluntly. "Just let go of it, Nick. You're not going to get anywhere with this." I said, turning to leave. "Awwww, you're too scared to make an actual conversation, you autistic freak." Harry remarked, still grinning at me. He leaned against the wall. "That's not how autism works." Nick said, trying to stay as calm as possible, but I could see the pure fury and hatred in his eyes when he looked at Harry. "How do you know?" Harry asked, looking genuinely confused. "Because Charlie is my boyfriend, and I listened to him and I did my research. And I'm actually a good person who doesn't just assume the worst of neurodivergent people like you do." Nick told him. "Pathetic. Both of you are pathetic." Harry drawled. "Not as pathetic as you, you homophobic, ableist, self-absorbed piece of shit!" Nick yelled. "Mate-" Harry started, but Nick cut him off by saying "This conversation is over.".
Nick and I then left Harry, and went back to the group. We told them everything. I cried. A lot. Nick hugged me. A lot. The whole group agreed to collectively go and murder Harry. Apart from Aled. They didn't want to get involved. Which is fair, I probably wouldn't either. They found their own ways to support me. Darcy and Nick agreed to lead "Operation Kill Harry Greene", although I knew they weren't going to literally murder him, but it's the thought that counts. Imogen and Sahar threatened to tell all of Harry's darkest secrets. Harry didn't leave me alone after that, he just did it in private.
But I had my friends to support me. And of course, I had Nick.