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“Hey,” Charlie hisses into the phone. “There’s a big-ass guard up here, blocking the door. What do I do?”
Dean rolls his eyes. Civilians . “Just wait ‘im out.”
“He’s not going anywhere,” Charlie says, panicking through the phone.
“Okay, uh, you work there every day,” Dean asks. “Do you know the guy?”
“I guess. I’ve seen him but I’ve never talked to him.” Good , Dean thinks. That’s a good sign.
“Okay, when you’ve seen him, does he look at you or does he just kinda slide his eyes by?” Charlie is hot in a nerdy kinda way. Some basic security guard is bound to think she’s hot.
“Um… eye contact?” Charlie says uncertainly. “I don’t know. He always kinda smiles a bit. I don’t really—“
“Good,” Dean interrupts. Man this girl can talk. “What you’re gonna do is you’re gonna walk right up to him, and flirt your way past.” This is going to be easier than I thought.
“I can’t,” Charlie sighs. “He’s not my type.”
Fuckin’ civilians. “You’re gonna have to play through that.”
“As in he’s not a girl.”
“Oh,” Don't think about why you didn’t even think about her not being straight. You don’t have the time for that. “Oh,” Okay, I can turn this around. I can motivate Charlie. “Pretend he has boobs.”
“Worse.” Yeah, okay, depending on what the guy looks like that could be worse.
“I don’t know.” Dean racks his brain. “Um… do you have any tattoos? Give him a little sneak peak there.” I can’t count the number of ladies who are into my anti possession tattoo. “All tattoos are sexy.”
“Mine is Princess Leia in a slave bikini straddling a 20 sided die.” Okay, maybe I underestimated how nerdy Charlie is. Clearly I was silent for too long because Charlie is talking again. “I was drunk. It was comic-con.”
“We’ve all been there,” Dean says. And it’s not a complete lie. Fuck knows I’ve made some stupid mistakes while drunk. Like sitting just a little too close to Cas or leaning into those healing touches or thinking too much about how it feels to have Cas’ hands on me even if he’s beating the shit out of me.
Focus Dean, he chastises himself. Get Charlie past the guard so I can get Dick. “Okay, I’m gonna walk you through this. Start with a smile. Relax Charlie. You just got home and Scarlett Johansson’s waiting for you.”
Dean hears Charlie hum happily and ignores Sam. He’s gotta focus. Think about Scarlett. Think about Belladonna, think about Cas-
“Can I help you, miss?” Dean hears through the phone.
“Call him by his name Charlie. Guys like that. Shows you were paying attention.”
Distantly he hears, “Hey… Bill. Charlie from IT.”
“Oh. Burning the midnight oil huh?”
“Just like you,” Dean says, a small smile on his face. He can’t help the image of Castiel that keeps fighting its way to the surface of his mind. It’s fine. This is all about getting revenge for Cas anyway. “I mean, when you’re not at the gym.” Cas was so strong, his arms flexing under that stupid coat as he grabbed me, tossing me around like I was nothing. “What, do you work out with all your free time?”
He hears Charlie repeating his words and wonders if it really would have been this easy to get Cas. If he were a girl, maybe it would be easier.
“I try to get to the gym at least three days a week,” Dean hears through the phone. Dean’s sure the guy is actually chubby and kind of a douche. That sounds douchey “You know, just trying to get back to my fightin’ weight, you know.” Dean rolls his eyes and is glad Charlie can’t see him.
“It shows,” Dean says “You look amazing.” Cas did look amazing. Dean smiles to himself, remembering Sam is actually in the van, watching him. He’s smiling too. Does he think I’m gay? I’m not but Cas just- It doesn’t matter. Sam clearly wouldn’t understand. He covers the phone. “This never happened,” Dean hisses at Sam.
Uncovering the phone Dean tries to block out Sam’s giggles. “You ever do anything else with your free time? Like take a girl out for a drink?” Dean flirts.
Sam’s laughing now. Dean can’t ever tell him. Not that he’s thinking about Cas or that one summer with Lee or how when he’s just about blackout drunk he wants strong hands on him, pushing him on to a bed, holding him down “Stop laughing Sammy,” Dean snaps.
“Stop laughing Sammy,” Charlie repeats through the phone. Dean kicks Sam in the shin. “I’m going to slap you,” Dean hisses. He can hear Charlie rambling on the phone. “Stop talking, Charlie,” Dean says harshly. “Stop talking Charlie.” Dean hears through the phone. They are fucked. She’s not getting through now and it’s all because Sam can’t wrap his head around the idea that I know how to flirt with a guy and Sammy’s even less okay with the fact that I can .
“Right. So, um, y-you we’re saying about going out, drinks?” Charlie asks. Dean can hear the desperation in her voice.
“Um… yeah,” Dean hears the guard say. He lets out a sigh of relief. “Yeah. That’d be great.”
“Now ask him to use the bathroom, Charlie,” Dean orders. “And be cute about it.”
“Cool. Pencil that in,” Charlie says through the phone. “Hey, can I ask you a favor? The ladies room downstairs is nasty. Can I use the exec washroom to powder my nose?”
“Yeah, yeah. Why not? Um, it’s right down the hall. It’s the first door on the right.”
Dean can’t look at Sam. He needs time to get himself together, to lock those thoughts of Castiel back where they are supposed to be in the dark.
“I feel dirty,” Charlie says on the phone.
Dean knows he’s supposed to as well. He knows his lines now. He knows how to wrap the hyper masculine persona around himself and pretend. “You and me both sister,” Dean quips. Play this right and Sam will never question me again.