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'Will you please consider the marriage proposal?'
'Yeah I'll think about it.'
That exchange feels so very far away. Like it happened years ago. Not weeks. Or maybe it felt like it had happened to another person and he had just heard about it.
At the time when the messages were originally sent he thought his rage towards Forever couldn't get any stronger. The betrayal had felt like a sharp sting. A stab wound. Pulsing and shocking. He thought it would fade with time, leaving a scar that would ache on cold days but would be something he could largely ignore.
Instead it shifted. Wrapped. Twisted. Then sunk into his bones and festered.
Now he felt like he was never going be rid of it. The infection had eaten away at him, and now there were parts of him that were missing. The actions of drugged Forever haunted him still. His nightmares featured white suits, blinding smiles, and wedding alters. In his dreams he would walk down an aisle littered with broken egg shells up to a grinning Forever. Cucurucho was standing there to marry them. Clocks ticked loudly in the background.
After Forever woke up from his coma he thought that everything would start to go back to normal. But things had inevitably gotten worse.
And now he was here, in Forever's private movie theater, watching the tape again with Baghera and Cellbit.
The tape played before them. The last goodbye of their President.
Bad had seen it but the others had only provided a half baked translation. Too upset to clearly translate. Cellbit's version would be the only one he would trust. Bagi and Pac had acted like Forever announced his own death. The truth had been far less dramatic. And yet…
As he looks up to the screen and sees Forever his heart clenches. Guilt and regret wrap their hands around him and squeeze until he thinks he sees black spots play in his vision, and he can barely focus on anything else. Why? Why did it have to be like this?
“Hello everyone. If you are watching this… I’m not here. Cucurucho said that I have… an important meeting… and I think it’s about the eggs. I really don’t trust him… and I’m leaving this message because of that. Pac, thank you for being such a good friend and being there for me. And since this letter could be my last, Cellbit, I’m giving you my job. The order is already enough but… while I am away… you are the President. And you need to make sure everyone stays calm. Baghera… Badboyhalo… I won’t be able to give you the daily flower… for a while. I don’t know where I will be. But you can be sure that where I am… I’ll be looking for our children. Richas. Tallulah. Dapper. Pomme. Leo. Chayanne. Ramon. This is see you soon, from the President of Quesadilla Island." Cellbit's translations are imperfect but still better than anything else at this point.
For the first time the disappearance of Forever not only feels real but permanent and dire. It hits Bad full force, nearly knocking the breath out of him.
And just like that Bad felt himself finally slip under the waves. Despair was like wading in dark waters while you were exhausted and fighting had just worn him out even more. He didn't think he had much fight left in him now that he had lost Forever physically. He couldn't figure out which made him feel more helpless. An emotionally shattered but physically present Forever, or a mentally stable, if a bit depressed, and physically absent one.
Muffins. It was a difficult choice, and not one he would have predicted he would have to ever make.
At the moment he would put his money on the current situation being worse. He couldn't fix this. There were no cures, or cages, or item stealing lasers that could drag Forever back from another dimension. They were truly screwed. Forever had been killed there too, but hadn't respawned. Which meant he was truly stuck in the nether. He might even be permanently dead.
Much worse than those stupid drugs.
They had worked so hard to bring back their President from his addiction, and it had been just in time too. Bad had lost himself to the grief shortly after, and had been relying on Forever to slowly coax him back to the surface ever since. Forever was returning the favor of being saved and looking out for him in his own way. Taking his turn to fight and struggle to fix what was broken. Well kinda. Forever certainly had a… unique way of going about it.
Flowers. Conversations. Sneaky therapy sessions. A room full of notes, mostly from others that had never been added to or updated.
All ways Forever was showing he cared, he was there, that Bad wasn't alone.
But now…
Bad really was alone. Baghera was connected to the Federation. Cellbit was plotting without him and was clearly suspicious of him no matter how much he endorsed Bad abducting workers. Philza was dealing with problems knowing what was real and what wasn't. Fit was as suspicious as always. Bagi clearly didn't trust him. Max was absent. Tubbo was dating a Federation Employee. Pac was distracted with Mike and building projects and apparently Fit. The rest of the French were either dealing with their own issues or had tried to help and were now actively wanted by the Federation. Foolish and Jaiden supported the Federation. Tina wanted to date Bagi too much to pay attention. Pol seemed uninterested. The others didn't really come around much anymore.
So that was it. There was no one he could rely on the way he craved. He had never really been able to rely on Forever again once he was sober. Everything had been too fragile. With no time to rebuild and recover things between them had been strained still. He flinched when Forever spoke too loudly. When he smiled Bad became wary. Healing was a process. A long and complicated one.
But with Forever really gone he wasn't sure what was left for him but a backpack full of pictures and theories. Each more disjointed and poorly strung together than the last. All he has now was blowing people up and his investigation. Most of his conversations seemed to be about the search for the eggs or dealing with accusations. People had lost trust and faith in him. His friends all had their own problems and were focused on themselves.
Pac had lamented earlier that he felt very much the same. Pac was alone. Pac was depressed. The poor man had lost about as much as Bad had and had confessed he was waiting for death.
But Pac still had Fit.
Bad didn't have a Fit. His Fit had been Forever.
Well at least long before the eggs had disappeared he had hoped. But now things were too toxic. Bad didn't know how he was supposed to forgive everything Forever had done. Even if he managed to bring back their children.
No. The price was too high.
Forever had betrayed them all by taking the pills.
He had cast suspicion on Bad, making things more difficult.
Forever had, rightly, assumed the worst and accused Bad of taking the Federation worker. While it was true the fact Forever hadn't given him the benefit of the doubt and listened to TUBBO of all people… It had cut him deeply. Forever had charged his home, taking advantage of his hospitality and trust.
Then Forever had decided flowers, rooms, and talking to others was the solution to whatever he thought was wrong with Bad. Not them talking to each other. But Forever tricked him into talking to Niki. Now don't get him wrong. Bad liked Niki just fine. But she wasn't who he needed to talk to. Plus her advice had led him to set up several mine traps and while Bad did enjoy it he suspected that it wasn't the healthy way to go about things.
The room was nice. But it hag almost felt impersonal. It was like an altar. A way to express fondness without having to actually interact. It was confusing and depressing. The room had never been added to. It sat empty and unused. A one time gesture meant to impress and shock him back to normal. It hadn't worked and Forever seemed to lose interest.
The flowers were also an inconsistent gift. A lot of the time they were given in a crowd, awkwardly. Or he dropped them off and then quickly left again.
If he was being honest Forever had been largely absent since he woke up from his coma. Never sticking around. Always popping in then taking off, or dismissing him and Baghera to do something else. Bad supposed that being President was busy work, but Bad knew. He knew when he was being avoided. The days leading up to the disappearance it seemed all Forever wanted with him was to test him to prove some theory about what was wrong. He was a test subject, not a friend.
How were they supposed to heal their friendship, forget a relationship, unless Forever allowed them to spend real time together. Maybe if Forever would bother to make the time to sit down and talk out everything Bad could be honest, and then maybe they could make true amends. And he meant really talk. No judgment or jumping to conclusions. Hearing what each other was saying, and not just waiting to speak next. That was what Bad had been aching for.
Instead he had spilled his guts to Tina in an effort to recruit her over to his side. The whole thing left him empty. Manipulating Tina hadn't been satisfying in the face of the truth. He had felt relieved to tell someone, it had just been the wrong person.
Forever hadn't even left him his own message in the tape. Just a line apologizing for not being able to give him flowers. It wasn't even his own line, he had to share it with Baghera. Flowers hadn't even been just his thing. Baghera was getting them too.
He wasn't sure how much clearer the writing on the wall could be. Forever and him had fallen apart. Too much left unsaid to sustain the fragile bond they had once shared. He was no longer special to Forever. This was one of those trope things. Right person, wrong time. Or maybe he was fooling himself. Maybe it was the right time, but the wrong person. He wished so badly at this moment that Skeppy would come. Then he wouldn't need to worry about finding a partner or someone to help raise his son. Poor Dapper…
Speaking of… Their son's would be so sad when they returned. Bad knew that both Dapper and Richas had wanted their Dad's to get together and be married like Cellbit and Roier had. At one point Bad had even considered it, he can't even remember when that had started. But he admitted to himself that Skeppy might never make it to the Island and that had set him down a road that wandered him past Forever and something stuck. He hadn't been Forever's first choice. Or even his second choice. Maybe that's why things never progressed. Maybe that's why Forever had to be drugged to consider marrying him.
When the eggs disappeared, in those first panicked days, Bad had promised himself that when it was over and the kids were safe he would talk to Forever. He would work on being a family, if only for the kids. Life was short, and they would be safer together. Even if they weren't each other's first choices. Even if there were other people, the Island might never let them have their first choices. They needed to make do with who they had. He had never considered that Forever wasn't on board. Or would lose interest.
Prime he would give anything to be back in those early days. Because now… Now Bad had known what it was like to imagine himself in a life shared by Forever. Now he knew what it was like to let himself start to develop feelings that surpassed friendship. Now he knew what it was like to have Forever hold him at arm's length and how much it hurt to lose trust in Forever and then lose him completely.
Back in those early days he had still had faith in Forever. Now he saw him as a broken man who had been too weak to make it in those early days without the eggs. Who had killed the trust between them asking for Bad's hand in marriage while in a drug haze. Who had to be captured and fixed.
Who had never really apologized for his actions. Or bothered to explain them. And had never clarified why he asked Bad to marry him while drugged but not while he was sober.
Who woke up from a coma to only become distant and suspicious.
Bad had hoped, at first, that curing Forever would give them a chance to heal. Would let them come together and be stronger. They could put their heads together and team up to find their sons. Instead he was brushed aside. Made an afterthought. Bad suspected Forever was only trying to cheer him up out of a sense of obligation, not out of real love or care. It was just returning a favor. And more recently figuring out a puzzle.
Forever thought him impaired. Yet he didn't fight half as hard as Bad had for him.
Maybe that was why Bad was feeling so bitter about everything.
Forever had never returned the effort that Bad had given first.
And so maybe a small part of him is glad Forever is gone. Maybe a small part even wishes that Forever will send the eggs back and then will heroically face a tragic end. Bad thinks that he could mourn Forever if that happened. He could speak of their love that died in bloom. The wedding that would have been. The family they would never share. He would of course keep treating Richas like his son.
If Forever died he wouldn't have to forgive him. Or talk things over. Or continue to be disappointed.
Sounded good to him. A perfect solution to this big mess.
So why was he so sad? And why did he keep checking places for letters from Forever?
Why did he keep fighting, and hoping and wishing that things would just get a little bit better. Was it so much to ask for one little ray of hope? One bright spot in the gloom?
The tape could have been that moment for Forever to communicate something real to him. Like he had done with Pac, and Cellbit. Something heartwarming and personal. It didn't even need to be romantic. It just had to be for them. To show that it wasn't hopeless. That there was something to keep fighting for.
Instead the tape left him cold, he had been an afterthought, just given an apology for not fulfilling a promise.
Maybe that's why he kept looking for letters. Maybe somewhere he could find proof Forever cared about him. Or maybe even loved him.
If he found it, perhaps he could pretend that Forever would come back with the eggs. Everyone would be elated. He and Forever would cry and hug and later, once their sons were asleep, they would talk. They would apologize and confess everything that they had kept secret, and would let themselves heal. Their sons would bring them together. Richas would push Forever to ask again, but Bad would be the one to ask Forever to marry him. Richas and Dapper would construct the perfect wedding venue with the other eggs. Chayanne would cater. Pomme and Tallulah would do the flowers. Ramon would set up fireworks for after. Leo would DJ. It would be perfect.
But he wasn't going to pretend. They were never going to have that. Even when the eggs came back it would only mean Forever could finally ignore Bad for good. That his obligations were over.
There was no letter for Bad to find.
Bad was alone.
He was drowning.
And now there was no one here to save him.
Without any other option he resigned himself to suffering quietly. He'd keep up being happy around his neighbors and save his breakdowns for the privacy of Dapper's room.
It didn't matter if Forever came back.
It didn't matter if anyone trusted him.
Nothing mattered if the eggs didn't come back.
Now their future return was his only reason to tread water.
That’s the problem with drowning. You never know when the water will take you.
With drowning there are no goodbyes.