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Fine! Ill leave,” he says, and he turns back and leans in, “as soon as you tell me to leave.”
"Leave Alex."
It was barely above a whisper but it broke his heart nonetheless. Suddenly, he felt like he couldn't breathe, he just stood there, staring at Henry, _leave Alex_, the words still not making sense to his ears.
"FOR GOD'S SAKE ALEX! LEAVE." Henry repeated as he physically shoved Alex out the double doors. Alex fell forward and watched with wide eyes, as the double doors closed, and he finally allowed himself to cry in the rain.
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It's been four weeks since Henry kicked him out, _leave Alex_, and his ears still rang with the words, taunting him, torturing him, suffocating him. He loved Henry. Henry was it for him, his forever, he couldn't love someone like he did Henry and Henry didn't love him back. He didn't even hesitate to ruthlessly rip out Alex's heart and step on it, till it was nothing but a writhing bloody mess, a pitiable thing. He should hate Henry, for doing this to him, but he just couldn't. He tried so hard to even dislike Henry but his mind wouldn't allow it, _leave Alex_. His mind, always his companion no matter what had turned into his greatest foe. It wouldn't stop reminding him of how unworthy he was-maybe, if maybe he was someone else, Henry would love him back. He knew that was unreasonable and pathetic but his mind just wouldn't stop. He wanted to hate Henry, but he hated his life, he hated himself, he hated the world. And that's how he ended up on his bathroom floor with a knife against his pulse point on his wrist. He had never thought he would end up like this someday, willing to take his own life. But it simply didn't make sense anymore, nothing did, without Henry. This was the first time his brain was in agreement with him and he felt at peace. Just one cut and it would be over. And oh how he wanted it to be over. So he did it. The cool knife fell good against his warm skin. He saw red gushing out and a twisted part of his brain found that satisfying. Finally he thought, finally. He heard thuds against the bathroom door and knew it was June from the voice alone. But he also knew he would be dead before she got to him. He was already light headed. And there was so much red and then it was black.
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"Henry, you have to take your meds atleast, come on." Came Bea's voice, always so gentle and caring. He knew he did the wrong thing by pushing Alex away but Alex would move on, find someone better, someone less broken. But he still couldn't get the image of Alex's wide terrified eyes as he shut the doors out of his head, it was burned into his eyelids, and there was no relief. Bea was the only person keeping him sane, she found him passed out and unable to breathe on the day he kicked Alex out and hasn't left his side after that. He was grateful, but all he really needed at that moment was Alex. No one else. He wanted Alex, he realised that after that night, and if he answered any of Henry's texts or e-mails he would know just how much he meant to him. But Alex wouldn't answer any of his pleas, he knew he deserved that. But it still hurt. One last chance. That's all he wants. As if on queue, his phone rings and the contact name sends his heart beating too fast for his own good. It was Alex. Alex finally returned to him. Not wasting a moment, he went to answer the phone, but it was not Alex's voice on the other end, it was June and she sounded like she had been running and crying for a long time. His heart sank.
"J-june? Is everything alright? Just breathe June, come on, breathe." He instructed. He had never seen or heard June lose control like this and it had him spiraling. He didn't dare to ask what happened. But thankfully, Bea was there and she took the phone from his hands. As the call went on, her eyes widened and she tried to stifle a gasp. But that was enough confirmation for Henry to know something was wrong, very wrong. He waited till Bea hung up and then, before he could say or do something, she enveloped him in a hug. And he hugged her back, thoroughly confused.
"Oh Hen." She whispered into his hair and he had had enough. He dared to speak in what felt like ages,
"Is Alex- is he? He's alright? Right? Bea?"
When his sister just stared at him with eyes full of pity, he just couldn't take it any longer.
"GODDAMMIT BEA! WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED? TELL ME! Please, tell me. Tell me he's not-" the last sentence came out as more of a whisper and a plea but Bea understood, she always did. She gently cupped his face and shook her head. Thank christ. But the words that left her mouth didn't make it any better.
"Alex- he- oh Hen. Alex tried to take his own life." He froze.
"June found him, in the loo, in a pool of his own blood. He lost quite a lot of it supposedly. He is in the hospital currently. Hen, this is not your fault alright? Please don't blame yourself like I know you will."
"It is my fault Bea. I turned him down. I pushed him to do this. Am I really so horrible?" He cried into his sister's embrace.
"No love, you are not. But right now, this is not important, you get me?"
"I know Bea." He took a shuddering breath and called Shaan. He won't let Alex suffer any longer. Maybe this was the push he needed. Fuck everyone, if Alex had died today..... He shook his head to clear these thoughts as he sat on the plane, Shaan beside him, praying to whichever God that would listen.
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Seven hours later, he was at the hospital where Alex was admitted. He ran through the halls when he saw June. But when he reached her, she slapped him, hard, across the face. Ok, he deserved that. But then she was hugging him and sobbing and he was doing the same.
"I'm sorry June, I'm so sorry. This was all my fault. But, I promise, I'm here to make it better. I-I love him." June only nodded as she led him Alex's room. Nothing in the world could have prepared him for what he saw before him. Alex, his Alex, lying in a hospital bed, his wrist bandaged, an IV drip supplying blood to his body, he had lost a lot, June had warned him. He looked so peaceful like this, but this was far from what Henry ever wanted Alex to look like. He was so pale and his usual warmth was gone, even his smell, that made him so relatively Alex, was missing, replaced by this sterile hospital smell that made him want to puke.
"Don't break his heart again. Please." June said, and left with a squeeze of his shoulder. He immediately collapsed in the first chair he saw and pulled it as close to the bed as he physically could. He felt the tears way before he even started talking, streams of salt cutting through his resolve. "Oh Alex! I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry. I wish I could've been braver for us, I promise I will try. Please just open your beautiful eyes love. Please. I-I love you." He whispered to no one in particular, as he kissed their entwined hands and set his head beside Alex's. He could breathe easier already, he realised. Even unconscious, Alex had no idea what he did to Henry and slowly sleep overtook him.
The first thing Henry felt on waking up was a hand carding through his hand and he nearly jumped when he saw Alex awake, and he rushed to press the button by his bedside. Alex looked, heartbroken and scared and there was this hollowness behind his eyes. Guilt stabbed Henry square in the chest. But he didn't have much time alone with his thoughts as soon, the doctor came in and started asking Alex questions. Alex answered all of them, and that is when he noticed the tiredness in his voice, and Henry could suddenly understand how this Alex wanted his life to end. He sounded like he wanted to give up and it made Henry's heart break all over again. He quickly left the room, stifling his sobs and soon found June. She held him again, just like Bea would he thought, and he cried into her shoulder for the second time in two days. She didn't judge him, just held on tight, till he could compose himself. "I can't June, I just can't. H-he looked so broken and it was all my fault. How can I expect him to take me back? After all the pain I caused him. I can't June. Please." He cried, heavy ugly sobs that shook both of them.
"I know Henry, I understand. But trust me, he loves you, and you love him too right?" He nodded, and she continued, "then what are you scared of? People who love each other will always find a way back. They will always forgive and you can figure this out together, in each others embrace, just go to him ok? You have both hurt too much already. I can't see my brother suffering any longer. So I'm begging you Henry, please." She was crying too now. And that's when they heard one of the nurses calling Alex's name, not calling more like shouting. They glanced at each other and before they could do anything, Alex came running, staggering towards them, his eyes overflowing too. "-ry" He said, before he collapsed. Henry caught him before he could fall and cradled him in his arms. "Alex? Love? I'm here. Open your eyes. "
"Hen? Y-you a-are-"
"Shhh...it'll be alright. What are you doing here?"
"Saw you, you left again. Need you H." Henry just nodded as he lifted Alex into his arms, and his heart ached again as he noticed how light he had gotten. He carried Alex back to his room and gently laid him on the bed. All the while, Alex had Henry's hand in a surprisingly strong death grip, as if afraid Henry would just dissapear into thin air. He smiled slightly as he pushed Alex's wild curls out of his face and he decided to break the silence, "I won't leave you love, you can relax."
"P-promise? Please don't leave me again Henry, I can't live without you, please."
"I'm not going anywhere love, I promise. I'll be by your side, for as long as you want me here. I won't give up on us. I'll fight for us. You mean so much to me Alex, I know I'm pretty late but I truly mean it. I have for a long time. You are my everything sweetheart, my forever. I-I love you." He finally said it, irreversible now and he noticed Alex's wet cheeks and wiped them dry with the pads of his thumbs. "Never even think about doing shit like this, do you understand you menace? I fucking love you, but never again, try to pull shit like this. Do you even know what it did to me? Finding out that you...nevermind that now. Just, just promise me you will not pull shit like this, no matter how bad things get. I-I am not worth it." He sobbed, as Alex pulled him into a hug. He finally breathed freely, in the arms of the man he loves.
"Oh baby, I'm sorry. I swear I never meant for it to go so far. I just, never realised? I'm so sorry H. And also, you are worth it ok? You are worth everything to me. Whoever made you feel otherwise is a complete numpty-" Henry laughed then, "I'm sorry, but did you just say numpty?"
"Oh shush. I'm trying to be the romantic one here. Don't ruin this perfect moment."
"Oh really? You absolute menace. Rest now, you'll have plenty of time to be romantic." When he saw Alex hesitate, he entwined their hands and repeated, "I'm not going anywhere love. You can sleep. I'll be here when you wake up. Today and forever. I promised remember? I'm willing to fight for us now, just like you wanted."
"I love you too. Thank you." Alex said, as he let more tears flow down his eyes.
"I never realised my boyfriend was such a cry baby." Henry said, to lighten the mood. And it worked, as Alex let out a small chuckle. "Boyfriend huh?" Henry blushed deep red as he stuttered, "I mean, I didn't want to assume but-" Alex promptly shut him up by pulling him into a kiss. Henry cupped his face and relaxed into it, realising just how much he had missed this at that moment. "Us forever." He breathed into his lips, as a prayer, a wish, sacred to the both of them.
"Forever." Alex replied, as their foreheads touched.
The end