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Ed doesn't know why Izzy doesn't respond to him when he says it. Honestly, he was so drunk the first time he doesn't remember it happened.
Izzy does. On the worst nights, he wakes up gasping dreaming of it, locks himself in his room, and cries until he can't breathe.
Stede and Ed talk about it, sometimes, how much it hurts that Izzy won't say it back. They know he loves them, of course, it's shown in his actions constantly but...but it's not the same.
Stede says it in between kisses to his jaw, Ed whispers it into his ear like a secret.
Izzy withdraws. He doesn't know why they're doing this fuckery, what he's done to be tortured like this, but it burns. So many years of loyalty. So many years taking care of Ed, keeping him alive, and it just...didn't matter. None of it mattered.
Ed, as expected, reacts to Izzy's new habit of avoiding them *really well*
"He doesn't love me anymore!" He wails into Stede's chest.
"Darling" Stede, it should be noted, was also upset but he sort of doubted that, after like 20 years, Izzy suddenly stopped loving Ed.
"Maybe we upset him somehow? Did we say something, do you think?" "No! Just that we loved him and he never says it back because he doesn't love me." ed wails.
Stede sighed and patted Ed on the back till he eventually fell asleep, before going to find Izzy.
He found him curled up under a blanket from their bed, clinging to one of Ed's shirts. Even asleep, there were lines of stress on his face and it was heartbreaking.
"Baby" Stede murmured as he crossed the room and crouched down, reaching for Izzy.
Izzy stirred awake, still half-asleep and he gave a broken little sound when he saw Stede. Stede now saw the bottle of rum tucked in Izzy's arm, mostly empty, and grimaced as he gave a slurred. "g'way."
"Baby" Stede murmured. Izzy was staring right through him, tears gathering in his eyes. "c'n do the f'ck'ry t'mr'w." He slurred. "Can' preten' you care t'nigh't."
Stede was certain his heart was about to fucking shatter as he stared in horror at his lover.
"Sweetheart, what fuckery? what did we do?" Izzy gave a tired snort. "Y' d'n love me." he slurrs. "'s a fuck'ry. Hurts s' b'd."
Stede so badly wanted to hold him, to swear that wasn't true. But...but Izzy deserved better than Stede violating his boundaries like that.
Stede went back to his room and cried for his poor, damaged boy. They *would* talk about this tomorrow. They had to. He had to make Izzy know that wasn't true he wasn't...they weren't fucking with him. They loved him. He had to make sure he knew that.
Izzy woke up to the instinctive feeling he wasn't alone. He had a horrific headache and his stomach was churning; it had been a long time since he'd gotten even nearly that drunk.
He rolled to his side and threw up but there was a bowl under his head and someone was stroking his hair and he was too tired and pained to care.
And then he remembered what was happening and reared away like their touch burned.
"Iz." ed whispered, dropping down on the bed and gently coaxing Izzy's head up so their eyes met. "Iz, what the fuck? What...what did I do? Why do you think this is some sort of awful fuckery? I...I love you, Iz, you have to know that."
"No I DONT" Izzy roared, then whimpered when his head felt like it was stabbed. "I TOLD YOU I LOVED YOU you fucking asshole. And you didn't...you LAUGHED."
He gave a small, broken sound, curling in on himself and biting back tears as Ed gave a broken whimper and reached for him
"Iz" Ed gasped out around his own tears. "Iz, baby, please, please can I touch you *please* I'm so sorry."
Izzy didn't think he'd ever seen Ed cry about anything other than Stede. It was terrifying and he shouldn't believe them but he wanted to feel his captain's touch so badly
He barely had time to nod before he was in Ed's arms. Ed held him so tightly Izzy was certain he would bruise, pressed his face into Izzy's hair and just kept *crying.* "I'm so sorry." he gasped. "Baby, I didn't...I don't even...I would *never*...I'm so sorry."
"What?" Izzy whispers hoarsely. "I didn't...I don't remember that, Iz. I...if I was in my right mind, I would never, *ever*, do that to you baby. I love you so much. I'm so sorry."
"You...you...it's not a fuckery?" "No. I love you. So much. I love you so, so much Iz. I'm so sorry...I'm so sorry you didn't believe me. us." Izzy bit his lip, staring up at Ed, but there wasn't an ounce of deceit on his face.
Izzy turned to look at Stede, who gave him his softest smile. "I don't...think I ever told you otherwise, since we started this, but I certainly feel the same way my darling."
He didn't say it, that day. But he grasped Stede's hands and clung to them as Ed clung to him and they all just...held each other, for a moment, and breathed.
Ed started saying it all the fucking time; after basically every order he'd sneak in how much he loved Izzy. The crew thought it was *adorable*, which never ceased to make
Izzy flush and glare at them, but internally...internally it felt so good to believe him.
When he finally said it...it wasn't a big, planned thing. Ed and Stede had just come back from the shore (Izzy had, as per usual, stayed on the ship) and they had brought him back a peach because Ed had remembered they were his favorite. he had kissed him and said "I love you"
He said it to Stede, shortly after, because he did love Stede and Stede deserved to hear it too even if he thought it was possible ed had been waiting sort of a lot longer.
"I love you" he promised and once he said it he couldn't stop, whispered it over and over into their skin
"I love you. I love you. I love you."
He was practically as bad as Ed about it. But now, now that he was pretty sure they meant it...he couldn't be near them enough, couldn't possibly spend too much time making sure they knew he loved them.
He ate his meals with them. His belongings (as meager as they were) moved into their quarters. He slept tucked between them, most nights.
He whispered his love into their skin, into their ears, and they did the same for him.
Because they love him
He is loved.