Work Text:
Do you ever wake up and just breathe for a moment?
Derek was brought into consciousness with a small smile on his face. His arms were wrapped around a sleeping Stiles as he curled around him protectively. These were the moments he cherished. These were the moments he wanted to last forever. He breathed in Stiles’ scent and was pleased to find no trace of anxiety that he usually carried during the day. It also meant he wasn’t having a nightmare.
The incessant buzzing of his phone on the nightstand that woke him up started up again. Derek knew what it was about. He knew who was calling.
With one arm, he grabbed his phone without jostling Stiles, who was using his other arm as a pillow.
“What, Scott?” Derek asked, his voice sharp but low.
“You wanted me to call you whenever I was doing patrols and prepping.”
Derek sighed. He did. He wanted peace of mind that Beacon Hills was safe before he left.
“Okay. I’ll be in the Preserve in twenty.”
“See you then.”
Derek placed his phone back on the nightstand with a sigh.
Do you ever wake up and wonder how you got to the point in life that you were at?
It was still dark outside of Stiles’ apartment; the sun had yet to crest over the horizon. Derek stared at the dark ceiling he knew to be beige color.
If you had asked him four years ago if he saw himself sleeping next to Stiles Stilinski, of all people, he would’ve threatened you. There was no way he had ever envisioned himself being this close to Stiles, let alone this far deep into loving him.
He knew he had a long way to go before Stiles trusted him fully. He had been hesitant to say “I love you” to the twenty-seven-year-old simply because he was afraid Stiles would reject him when it became real. He hoped to say it for the first time when he proposed that night.
That’s if he could even find a ring.
His phone buzzed again.
>We still on to look for a ring for your human?
Derek smiled at the text. His werewolf friend, Amaya, had been helping him for the past month to search for a ring for Stiles. He remembered meeting Amaya when he was a teenager—when his family was still alive and Kate Argent hadn’t entered his life yet—and he felt an instant pack bond to her. To find her again was happenstance and he couldn’t have been happier to have her back. Especially when she, too, was in love with a human and offered to help him protect Stiles.
>Yeah, we’re still on.
Derek dropped his phone to his chest and stared at the ceiling again.
Do you ever wake up and regret doing so?
All he wanted to do was lay in bed. He didn’t want to leave. Derek desired to cherish these moments with Stiles, but knew he would have the chance to do so longer if he got up and went to help Scott. Despite being Alpha of the pack for almost a decade now, Scott still called on Derek and other elder werewolves for help. Derek didn’t think Scott truly needed the help, but was willing to do so.
For Stiles.
Anything to make his life easier.
The less he had to deal with the supernatural that wanted to kill him, the longer he would live. Derek knew he would never take the bite—it had been discussed before—so protecting him this way was the next best thing.
But why did it have to mean leaving his side for the past couple of months to do so?
It was a heavy regret Derek had. He knew that Stiles was beginning to question him. He could smell the grief every time they were in the same room together. He just didn’t know how to help. It seemed as though none of their pack outside of Scott knew they were dating, and he assumed Stiles had intended for it to be that way.
Who was he to judge?
With a heaving sigh, he left the warm bed and Stiles to get ready for a long day.
Do you ever surround yourself with people and still feel completely alone?
Derek never liked pack meetings, even when he was younger. He always felt too alone even when he was surrounded. He was too young to give any meaningful contribution when he was a teenager, and his contributions now were often overshadowed by everyone else. He didn’t hate it. But it did leave him feeling like an outsider.
He leaned against the fireplace away from the middle of the room where everyone else was gathered. He was exhausted from earlier. He hadn’t gotten much sleep to start and the early rise took a toll on him. Hearing Scott drone on about what they had just done was like doing to the dentist to get a root canal. Painful.
>I was thinking maybe infusing Mountain Ash into the ring?
>But then I thought how would you ever touch your baby human? Isn’t that the point of proposing to him?
>So, I propose (heh) to use a protective gem stone inlaid in the ring. Ya know. Since you have the money to do that.
Derek smiled at Amaya’s texts. She wasn’t wrong. He had his family’s money.
>What kind of stone? Not all of us are rock nerds.
>Gasp! You take that back, Hale!
>Never.
“Stiles,” Scott said firmly from the center of the room.
Derek’s nose finally caught up to him after ignoring it and the headache that was forming in his temples. He looked up to see Scott looking at Stiles and asking him if he had been paying attention. Grief and heartbreak was coming strongly off Stiles. He didn’t know what was wrong. Was it something Scott said? Was he getting deep in his head again?
Stiles looked over at him. He had been startled, as he didn’t think Stiles would want to look at him in a place like this. He has his resting face on, but it seemed something was bothering Stiles as he quickly looked away.
He would ask Stiles about it later, after he had cooled off. He knew confronting him in the room with everybody wasn’t what was needed, and he was trying to work on not being so blunt and callous anymore. It was what Stiles deserved and what he had to do if he wanted to keep him.
Derek wanted to keep him for the rest of their lives.
Do you ever feel heartbroken by someone who never cared?
After the meeting, Derek scurried off. Amaya only had a little bit of time before she had to go to work to help him with rings. He didn’t want to waste the precious time in case this was finally the place where he found Stiles’ perfect ring.
“Took you long enough,” Amaya joked.
Derek smiled as her as he slowed down to a walk to stop in front of the jewelers. “Yeah, well, pack things.”
“Oh? So you didn’t sneak a quickie in with your boy, then?” Amaya asked, opening the shop door and walking in first. She had always been a blunt one. And with her gorgeous dark hair, dark eyes, and beautifully tanned skin, she got away with a lot. “Such a shame.”
“Ama,” Derek said with a roll of his eyes. “Not here.”
Amaya huffed and shrugged her shoulders. “Fine, spoil sport.”
They walked up to the counter and talked with the jeweler about different stones. Amaya pointed out some traditionally protective stones such as obsidian, quarts, and citrine. But when Derek gazed upon a rich blue stone with flecks of gold, he knew it was the one.
“Lapis Lazuli,” Amaya said with an approving nod. “Not bad. Not bad. Especially for someone who isn’t a rock nerd.”
“Yeah, well guess I did inherit a brain after all,” Derek said with a smile.
Amaya laughed. “Doubtful, but keep dreaming.”
Derek looked at the jeweler with the silver band he wanted and the stone he wanted inlaid and explained how he wanted it to look. The jeweler said they already had something like that almost done in the back and to return in a few hours for pick up.
“He’s going to love it, Derek,” Amaya said as they left the shop. “Don’t worry. There’s no way he won’t say yes.”
Do you ever feel the urge to pack up and run away?
Derek stared at the ring in his hand with fear.
What is Amaya was wrong? What if Stiles did reject him? What if he was just a good lay for Stiles and nothing more?
The idea that Stiles would reject him filled him with terrible panic and dread. He didn’t know if he could do this. He didn’t know if he could take the leap without certainty that Stiles would say yes.
He had never felt this way about another person before. Not Kate. Not Braeden. Not Jennifer. Not even Paige.
Stiles evoked something in him no one else could. He didn’t want to lose him on the off chance that those feels weren’t reciprocated.
>Go propose, loser!
>You’ve got this!
Derek chuckled nervously at Amaya’s texts.
He would do it. He would march over to Stiles’ apartment and propose.
Do you ever wish you could rewind time and have a re-do?
Stiles stared at his train ticket as he entered the station. There was a pit of anxiety gnawing at him. What if he made the wrong choice? Was running away really something he should’ve done?
He was an adult. He knew he should’ve stayed behind to talk to Derek instead of taking the coward’s way out. But Stiles didn’t know how much his heart could endure. He didn’t know if he had the mental strength to hear that Derek wasn’t in love with him the way he was. That he had found his future wife and would be leaving Stiles posthaste.
He hadn’t even informed anyone beside Parish that he was leaving. Not his father. Not Scott. Not Lydia. Nobody. It was a last minute decision, really. One that he already regretted but couldn’t go back from.
Stiles needed to move forward. He needed a fresh start. He wanted to find someone who would love him, even if it wouldn’t be the same as Derek. He needed to work on his self-worth instead of letting people walk all over him like Derek had done.
Derek. Derek. Derek.
How pathetic was he that Derek was all he could think about?
The sudden urge to run back to his apartment hit him. Every bone in his body willed him back into Derek’s arms.
“Now boarding the ten o’clock train to Portland, Oregon.”
The female voice on the tannoy made him realize he needed to make a decision.
Was he staying to talk to Derek?
Or was he leaving to find himself again?
Do you ever regret something so strongly that you begin to hate yourself?