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Lan Zhan was silent like he so often was and didn't react when Wei Wuxian stepped out into the storm to join him on the terrace overlooking the Jingshi's garden. When Wei Wuxian reached out to grab his right hand he permitted it, while his gaze stayed fixed at a point in the sky where lightning had torn through the clouds only a few moments ago.
"Lan Zhan," Wei Wuxian said gently, just loud enough to be heard over the wind. "Come inside."
Lan Zhan didn't belong out there, in the middle of a storm, drenched through and even slightly shivering. No, he belonged inside, in the warmth of their home, wrapped in loose, comfortable robes, with hot tea in front of him and Wei Wuxian behind him, holding him close and teasing him.
Lan Zhan's only reaction was to squeeze Wei Wuxian's fingers. An acknowledgement that he had been noticed, nothing more.
When Wei Wuxian had finally made his way home from his afternoon tea with Lan Qiren, cursing and annoyed at being caught in the downpour, he'd looked forward to being greeted by the picture of Lan Zhan diligently working on his correspondence, tea and the remains of his lunch cold next to him. He'd expected to have to tear his husband away from work, but instead he'd come home to an empty house.
It had taken him moment or two before he'd realized that the door leading to the terrace was open, leaving wind and rain in. Apart from two all of the candles had been extinguished by the draft, giving the Jingshi a dark and almost desolate feel.
Wei Wuxian had shivered, only partially from being trapped in cold, wet robes. Already wet and miserable he had followed the siren call of Lan Zhan's presence through the open door.
"Lan Zhan," he repeated with slightly more force and this time Lan Zhan blinked. Still, it took him an unnatural long time before he found back to himself and slowly turned his head. His face was wet. Rain, of course, but his eyes were slightly red and swollen; a telltale sign that there was more going on.
"Wei Ying," he murmured. His pleased surprise was obvious. "You're home."
He looked miserable and impossibly young and the hint of a smile on his face threatened to make Wei Wuxian's heart give out. He swallowed hard before he smiled and squeezed back.
"And you're out here in the rain, willingly getting soaked through." He forced himself to keep his words light and simple and tried to hide his worry. "Or was this your cunning plan to have an excuse to join me in the bath?"
They didn't often bathe together because it tended to lead to destroyed tubs and water damaged flooring but he had a feeling that Lan Zhan wasn't up to their usual, energetic bath time shenanigans today. No, slow and gentle would be the motto for the rest of the day, Wei Wuxian decided.
Another slow blink that showed him that Lan Zhan still wasn't all the way back from wherever his thoughts had taken him to. While that was slightly worrying it was nothing that hadn't happened before. Wei Wuxian he had learned to deal with it when Lan Zhan got like that.
He had no idea what had driven Lan Zhan out into the storm but he was confident that he could tease it out of him. Slowly and carefully he would unwrap the mystery just like he would unwrap Lan Zhan out from his formal robes first and then, after they had warmed up, wrap him up again in warm, comfortable evening robes.
"Let's get you back inside, okay?" He pressed a light kiss against Lan Zhan's temple.
He needed to get Lan Zhan back into the light, into the warm comfort of the Jingshi. He needed to get them both dry and get Lan Zhan to drink some hot tea. He needed to…
No.
There was only one thing he needed to do right now. He let go of his half-formed plans in favor of gathering Lan Zhan into his arms. He went into the embrace willingly and held on with all of his formidable strength.
"Wei Ying," he whispered with a painful hitch in his voice. "You're here."
"Of course I am," he replied, feeling just as lost and confused as Lan Zhan sounded. "Where else should I be?"
Lan Zhan shivered at the words, or maybe because of the gust of cold wind that swept over them. He made a tiny, miserable sound and that was enough to break Wei Wuxian free from his inertia.
"Let's get inside."
He made sure to hold on tightly as he led Lan Zhan back inside - one arm around Lan Zhan's waist while he rubbed soothing circles on the inside of Lan Zhan's wrist. The pulse under his fingertips was still too fast but already calming down.
There wasn't much spiritual energy in his body these days but it was enough to ignite the extinguished candles and close the door behind them, shutting out the storm.
Whatever it was that had upset Lan Zhan so horribly Wei Wuxian now had a personal grudge against it.
"I'm here now," he promised. I'll take care of you. Lan Zhan was always so strong, it was so easy to forget that he, too, could break and needed care. It had taken Wei Wuxian far too long to fully realize just how fragile Lan Zhan could be.
Even jade could be broken if enough force was applied, after all, and Lan Zhan had weathered many storms throughout his life.
"That day in the rain," Lan Zhan said slowly just as Wei Wuxian was starting to undress him by taking off the sash around his waist. "I was remembering the moment when…"
... you turned around and left.
He had thought they would all drown in the ceaseless rain that day, Wei Wuxian remembered. The only good thing about it had been that he could convince himself that his sight was blurry because of it and not because of his tears. He had forgotten, or at least tried to forget, so many things but the picture of Lan Zhan, alone in the rain with only an umbrella to shield him from the worst of it, unwilling to even raise his sword, let alone do anything to stop him, was and always would be chiseled into his memory.
He swallowed hard. A memory. The storm had driven Lan Zhan out, alone and relieving one of the worst days of their lives. Nothing he could fight or try to make better, nothing a personal grudge or vendetta could fix.
"There is no way that moment could have gone any different," he finally said. The plain truth. Even now, with the gift of hindsight, he would change anything about that moment.
"No," Lan Zhan agreed softly. "I was not strong enough back then." He leaned forward until he could rest his forehead against Wei Wuxian's. "I would go with you now."
Wei Wuxian put his right hand on the back of Lan Zhan's neck and squeezed gently. "We would do many things differently now," he allowed. "I will never again be able to leave you behind."
Alone in the rain, on that fateful day Lan Zhan he had been the sole bastion between Wei Wuxian and his group of refuges and a world that was hell-bent on destroying them. Alone to speak out for them and alone to face the punishments for his defiance, as Wei Wuxian had learned later. Alone for the rest of his life, or so he would have been, if not for an overly complicated revenge plan and an unbelievable sacrifice.
"I will never again be able to let you go."
A promise, a vow. Nothing they hadn't said to each other before but for some reason it hit especially hard today.
As if to give further weight to his words Lan Zhan held on tightly; but not tightly enough to cut off Wei Wuxian's breathing. Lan Zhan was always so mindful of his strength, even in the depths of despair.
"Never again," Wei Wuxian echoed and gathered Lan Zhan into yet another tight embrace that was eagerly reciprocated.
Later, he would finish taking care of his husband's physical wellbeing. Right now they were busy dripping water all over their floor while clinging to each other. Holding on and being held in return; a tangible reminder that neither of them was or ever would be alone again.