Chapter Text
It was a perfectly fine Saturday evening. I was busy catching up on my homework that we weren't assigned yet. I planned to do so until dinner and then after dinner, late into the night since tomorrow is Sunday and I could sleep in.
Until the incessant banging on the door pulled me out of my intellectual reverie. Fucking Snow.
Annoyed at being disturbed, I pushed back my chair with the back of my legs with more force than necessary and stand up. It's a noisy affair. Why the fuck is Snow knocking? Has he decided to learn manners now? Why start now? He's eight years too late. Besides its his own room too.
But no. Its Penelope Bunce and Agatha Wellbelove holding a swaying, starstruck looking Simon Snow between them who looks ready to escape and run any second.
"Basil," Bunce says solemnly, as if she doesn’t have one adorable prisoner in her arms. I rip my eyes from Snow to address her.
"Bunce," I greet her in the same tone.
“Bazzyyyyy” Snow chimes in high pitched tone with much too excitement. He looks weird. And too happy. Almost... dopey.
Also, Bazzy?!
"There's a problem," She tells me seriously.
"Oh, is that what we’re calling your ward now?" I ask pointing at Snow. He puffs his cheeks and pouts his lips at that. Cute. I shake my head at the thought.
"I'm serious. We need your help," Subtle urgency behind her voice now.
"What makes you think I'm amenable to that?" I raise a brow at her. That ought to scare her.
"Because he's as much your responsibility as he's ours," Wellbelove chimes and there is something cheeky in her voice.
Since Wellbelove has gotten over her crush on me, she has gotten quite bold. Now that she is able to talk to me without blushing after every other word, she uses that power quite frequently and likes to converse with me.
"I can very much assure you he's not," I counter.
"Oh, please. Crucible gave you him, didn't it?" Bunce raises her brow at me too.
“Yes. Yes. The Crucible gave me Bazzy,” Snow tells them happily and then flashes me a dopey grin. My knees nearly give out at the unexpected flood of his happy emotions being addressed towards me. And since when has the crucible been a happy occurrence for him?
"And I curse that day," I sneer at them.
"I have no time for your theatrics. Here catch him," As soon as the words are out of her mouth, she throws Snow at me and he comes to me floatingly and quite willingly.
"What? No!" But I’ve caught him on instinct before the protest has even left my mouth.
"Don't worry we'll be back," She assures me but her assurance means nothing when I have a drunk-looking, almost tipsy Snow in my arms for an indefinite amount of time. Lord knows what I will do with him.
"Tell me what's happened," I ask. If I’m going to have to babysit a gorgeous idiot, I would like to know things.
"Philippa Stainton happened," Wellbelove tells with a sigh.
"Philippa . . ." Snow interrupts dreamily.
“She gave him a love potion and now he's convinced he's in love with her," Bunce adds.
Not starstruck then, Lovesick. Ew.
Now, Basilton. A voice inside me says.
Shut it. I tell the voice.
"What do you mean convinced. Penny, I am in love with her! " Snow insists. "And she's in love with me. We’re in love with each other. There’s so much love between us. It's lovely," He says lovingly.
Now that I look closely at him, I can notice it. His pupils are blown wide, barely any blue present and his eyes are focused nowhere in particular. They look dazed. He seems light on his feet, out of his senses and high on emotions.
Typical symptoms of a love potion.
“If only this cruel, cruel world would let us be together.” Snow adds with a theatrical anger directed at Bunce and Wellbelove. They look completely unfazed.
"See?" Bunce waves her hands at him as a way of demonstration.
"Anyways," she continues, "Me and Agatha have already started on the antidote. But Simon wouldn't stop trying to escape from the lab to go find Phillipa."
As soon as Bunce says this, Snow tries to make a run for it from my grasp but he's not very smart or tactical about it and is promptly caught by Wellbelove by his collar and thrown back unceremoniously at me.
"We need you to take care of him for an hour or so until we're done and then he'll be good as new." Wellbelove says irritatingly.
"Take care of him? You do know I'm his enemy and this is the absolute perfect opportunity for me to get rid of him? One hour is more than enough for me to dispose of him without any proof," I say darkly.
"You wouldn't," Snow speaks a bit fearfully from my side. He's even trembling a little. Poor baby. "I can't have Phillipa become my widow before we're even married!"
"Snow, you can't widow someone if you're not married first," I smack my own forehead once, "Merlin you're thick."
At this, snow frowns and turns his neck at an dangerous angle to look at his own bum.
"I am?" the idiot turns a full circle to look at his behind.
"Not that kind of thick you idiot," I say and I fear it sounds fond. This adorable boy will be the death of me someday. I hope to god it's not today.
Sometimes I wonder... If Snow is a fool and I'm in love with him, then what does that make me? Is it him or I who is the bigger of fools? This shall remain the mystery of our times.
"He won't kill you, Simon. Right, Basil. Anathema and all that?" Bunce says and looks at me meaningfully when she says 'all that'.
What? Oh yeah. I just threatened to kill my roommate. Almost got distracted by the said roommate's thick -- for Merlin's sake.
"Nooooo, Penny." Snow interrupts my thoughts. "Don't leave me with my Evil Vampire Roommate. Take me to the love of my life. She would be worried sick about me,"
Crowley, it's painful. I sigh. I want this to be done with. One hour and then I'm free. I convince myself that going along would be the best option right now.
"All right, Bunce. Go do your thing. I'll keep the Boy Wonder alive. I can't guarantee that I would be able to hand him over to you unscathed." I add dangerously and hope for the best effect.
I'm lying. I will take care of him with all that I have, all that I am. I would die before I let there be a scratch on him under my care.
Merlin, why did I have to phrase it like that? Under my care? Under my care?!?! Someone come please save me from myself first.
"Alive is good. Alive is great. See you in an hour, Basil." Bunce nods furiously at me.
With that, her and Wellbelove turn to leave and Snow tries to escape with them again, with zero finesse and I pull him back by the back of his collar and shut the door behind them.
"Oi. Leave me. I have to go find my girlfriend." Snow says petulantly.
"She's not your girlfriend, Snow." I tell him with a mock sigh.
"Yet. She's not my girlfriend yet. She will be once I ask her. Or better I should ask me to be my wife. Sooner the better. Let me go," Snow tries to break free of my hold but I'm holding him tight. But he's not really trying that hard. It's like restraining a child. It might be due to the fact that he's not fully in control of his senses and body.
"Later. Why don't you tell me about her first?" I indulge him to distract him from his efforts to escape.
"You want to know about her?" He turns to me with star eyes.
"Sure, why not," I say with a shrug.
I shouldn't have said that.
I should never have said that.