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It took Jiang Cheng a couple years, at least, to fully assert his care for Jin Ling. Over 2 years to see the same flush on the kid’s face and be reminded that they share the same blood.
When the officials visit- Jiang Cheng thinks, he thinks of how they have every place to be there- and so does he. Then he thinks of his inferiority to Jin Ling’s caretakers, women dressed in gold so light it almost resembles a heavy cream. How much of him is not a parent, how he is not a mother nor a father, he thinks of how much love he can imbue within this kid without staining him with too much of his identity, his identity which had always been carved out for him by his father- The representation of Yunmeng Jiang that he has always been proud and yet scared of.
He waits for his turn behind the wooden doors, where Sect Leader Lan is inside the playroom, the soft jingle of a few beaded toys tinkling about along with sounds of laughter. Somehow, Lan Xichen has exceeded his status of an official and has become a permanent member in Jin Ling’s life, one of a sworn oath with his other uncle and one of mutual respect with Jiang Cheng.
“Jiang Cheng,” Xichen calls from the other side of the room. His voice is gentle. “Why do you stand there? Come inside.”
And yet no matter what, Lan Xichen perhaps is the furthest of blood to Jin Ling, and yet Jiang Cheng cannot find it in his heart to interrupt. To place himself in between two people where he was also subject to Xichen’s perception. Perhaps, he thinks, that he is scared of the vulnerability he might show with Jin Ling.
He comes inside the door and feels the wind gut him on the insides, the image of Lan Xichen’s hair slightly disheveled from his nephew’s tugging whilst in his arms make his skin heat up, and maybe it’s the sunlight streaming from the windows that makes Xichen’s eyes look even brighter. It’s gold. Golden like the entire sect.
“He’s reaching out to you.” Xichen says, and sure enough Jin Ling’s pudgy little hands are extended toward his uncle, a few blabbers about his jiujiu. Xichen releases his hold on the child and lets him walk, allowing the child to stumble a bit toward the other man.
Sometimes, he finds himself guilty of many things. One of which is projecting. When Xichen tells him that Jin Ling is asking for him, Jiang Cheng could only shake his head. People are obsessed with meaning, being stimulated from the peaceful scenario with another person was bound to cause the same effect, Jiang Cheng thinks that it is only Xichen’s way of comfort, telling him that he had just as much of an identity to be there.
Putting meaning to such things could be dangerous. Like how Xichen’s name has allusions to the sun but it is only during nighttime where Jiang Cheng thinks of his hands against his.
Now it is Xichen’s turn to be shy, witnessing a moment between family, one of open expression and affection, where Jin Ling tries to tackle Jiang Cheng into a hug. Xichen doesn’t know what he’s supposed to appear as, as a sect leader or as a friend? Xichen doesn’t even know who will bother enough to care.
“Little rascal,” Jiang Cheng mutters. “You’ll hurt yourself if you run too fast.” He does not want to think of the future where he has to.
“The young master is in good health and is learning fast,” Xichen says, mirroring the words he had heard from his elders when he was young. “It is a talent.”
“To be impressed means to have expected.” Jiang Cheng raises an eyebrow.
“I do not look for capabilities, it is only out of worry.”
This, Jiang Cheng understands. “Of course, one cannot help it.”
It is quite impossible to get rid of this worry, especially one that is ingrained in their blood. One that expected leadership from birth, one that was overwritten in blood. To live in an era of peace means to have survived the war, and both Jiang Cheng and Lan Xichen carry the weight of expectations, one that they cannot help but impose upon JIn Ling’s impending future.
In truth, Jiang Cheng already has a plan to let him decide his future. And yet, it is in this same capacity that he worries how he’ll override the elder’s decisions, how his identity of his uncle is strong but not strong enough- one that could possibly even ruin this child’s life.
“You do not have to worry so much, I noticed he is fond of the sound of bells. Always, he is looking for you.”
And why, Jiang Cheng wants to ask, do you associate that bell sound with me? “You do not have to please me.”
“I don’t do this out of comfort,”
“Out of what, then?”
Now it is Xichen’s turn to stutter. “Ah well…”
“When you think of Jin Ling, do you also think of me?’
Xichen smiles. “Of course, I do this for you. No matter what that may mean, I don’t know what it is out of.”
Jiang Cheng laughs, finding the flush on his face adorable. With Jin Ling in tow, Jiang Cheng moves closer. “How strange, Sect Leader Lan does not know about something for once. From what I have gathered, people of Gusu Lan are adamant at getting to the bottom of things.”
Lan Xichen finds that the proximity is quite dizzying, something that Jiang Cheng himself does not know. “I was not blessed with such bravery.”
“Unfortunate. You are blessed with many other things.”
At this point, Jin Ling is clinging to his uncle’s leg, softly gnawing at the tassel that hung from his belt. “I could say the same for you.” Xichen says, pointing to his nephew.
Jiang Cheng finally catches the situation and peels his nephew off his leg. “Jin Ling! You’re not a- you troublemaker, are the caretakers not feeding you enough?!”
Jin Ling only laughs, finding the animated scolding of his uncle to be amusing. Xichen, too, cannot help but chuckle over Jiang Cheng’s face after being laughed at.
“Truly fortunate.”
“You.. you..” Jiang Cheng huffs. “Lan Xichen, fetch the caretakers.”
“Alright, alright.”