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The glass was cool against her temple as Gina sat on the ledge beside her window, head rested against it as she watched the rain thud down around the outside world, ricocheting from the pavement in cascades of dreariness. She wasn’t used to sitting around doing nothing – not since she’d made the trip from Salt Lake City to New Zealand. Filming Romeo and Juliet meant she was on the go all the time, and that’s how she liked it.
Stopping meant she had time to think. She didn't like her thoughts much lately.
She should have been grateful – she was grateful. She was living the dream, with people who respected her as an actress, and encouraged her to expand her talents. She got to experience a new place and new people and exciting new experiences that she had been working towards for the better part of her life. Her mom was so proud of her. Everything was perfect.
Except – she wasn’t home. She wasn’t walking the halls of East High, gossiping with Ashlyn over star signs and terrible cafeteria lunches. She wasn’t FaceTiming Kourtney to ask her what to wear for a group hang, ensuring they were at least slightly matching to promote their unbreakable sisterhood. She wasn’t in the bunker, arguing with Carlos about choreography and then laughing silly when they tried to merge their two styles into one.
Gina clutched the scarf she was wearing, burying her nose into the soft woolen material – the same wool Gina had used to knit a hat for the most precious person in the world to her, to pour her soul into a single item, hoping one day he would reciprocate.
She wasn’t with Ricky, and it hurt. It hurt more than anything she had ever experienced in her life, an aching cavity Ricky used to fill gnawed into her heart. She tried not to think about him too often, about how perfect they had been, for that small sliver of time before she had to move away again – abandoning him for the second time. The universe had a sick way of pulling jokes on her – promising her everything only for it to split it in half and force her to choose.
They hadn’t spoken in two months, Ricky and her. She couldn’t bring herself to say anything to him, knowing she had left him and he hadn’t fought for her. But – she missed him. Bitterly. Looking back at her last few months at East High, all of her happiest memories were filled with him; his laughter, his silly jokes, his soft caresses, his unwavering support, Ricky, Ricky, Ricky. She missed feeling happy like that.
She missed Ricky.
It wasn’t that she didn’t know what was going on with him at all. Ashlyn sometimes delicately sent her messages, updating her on how well he was doing at school, how he had really started to put his head down and dedicate himself to his studies with the help of Mr Mazzara of all people. And she knew Ashlyn kept Ricky updated on her as well; he was too in the know about what was going on during her filming not to be.
He would comment on her Instagram posts “I knew you would kill that stunt” as if she had told him she would be doing it. He would text her occasionally, with things like, “Enjoy your break, you deserve it,” or “Don’t be nervous today, if anyone can do this, you can.” It gave her more of a buzz than she would like to admit, knowing that despite everything, Ricky was still rooting for her, still her number one supporter in her climb to success.
She never responded to him, though. She didn’t know how.
But sitting there in her knitted scarf, Ricky’s messages to her open on her screen, stuck at her onsite accommodation due to the pouring rain delaying her filming schedule, Gina felt an intense ache to talk to him, to hear his voice, to find out for herself whether he was okay, whether he still cared about her, whether he was angry with her for ignoring him.
She needed a sign. Anything to tell her it wasn’t a huge mistake, that she wouldn’t regret it.
Gina glanced out the window again, and saw the rain begin to let up, its pummeling on her window easing to a slight drizzle, the sky still gray, but the sun was beginning to poke out behind the clouds. At the same time, her phone pinged. It was a post notification, telling her Ricky had posted on his Instagram story. She immediately clicked onto it, seeing a photo with no caption of his guitar and writing journal, propped against his own window seat, the evidence of rain dotted along the glass.
It was also raining in Salt Lake City.
Gina’s heart leapt.
She didn’t know what it meant, but she decided that she couldn’t wait any longer. She had to hear him. So, she clicked onto his contact and hit the call button, taking in a sharp breath at her boldness, staring at her screen for a moment in hesitation, before bringing her phone up to her ear. She pulled her lip in with her teeth, scared out of her mind that Ricky wouldn’t pick up, or even worse, would forward the call.
It rang once, twice, three times, and Gina deflated a little, knowing that he wasn’t going to pick up – that it was too late for them. Tears gathered behind her eyes, and she tried her best to blink them away, listening to her phone hopelessly ring out. And then – click.
“Gina?”
His voice, a sound she had been longing to hear for months, washed over her like a soothing balm, easing the tension in her body away, and she slumped back in her seat, the tears that had gathered falling in her relief. He had picked up. He picked up for her despite everything.
“Hello? Gina?” Ricky repeated, sounding breathless, slightly frazzled.
“Yeah, I-I’m here,” Gina replied, her voice scratchy with the strain their conversation was already pulling through her.
“You called,” Ricky breathed, and she could hear shuffling on the other end, like he was shifting restlessly, the way she was used to seeing when they would sit through a particularly long movie, or when they would be waiting in a queue together.
“Is… that okay?” Gina asked, scared out of her mind that Ricky would tell her to never call him again.
“Yes,” Ricky rushed out, a desperate quality to his tone that she was sure she was mirroring, “Of course. I was just…surprised. You haven’t been replying to my texts.”
“I’m sorry,” Gina sunk further into her seat, clutching her scarf into her fist, bringing it up to her nose, imagining she could smell Ricky’s scent on it.
“It’s okay,” Ricky replied, but she could hear the pull in his voice, the wavering pain, “You’re here now.”
Gina felt her tears fall harder, and she had to work to keep her breathing even, “Not really.”
“Yeah,” Ricky simply said, “Not really.”
A silence stretched between them, and Gina found comfort in the sound of his breath, slow and calming. She missed being able to rest her ear over his chest and hear his heartbeat, feel his skin beneath her hands, assuring her he was real and with her. She took solace in the fact that his breath meant his heartbeat was still there. Even if she could no longer feel it.
“I-I had the day off filming,” Gina tried to explain her call, “It’s been raining pretty heavily.”
“Same over here,” Ricky responded, and Gina nodded, already knowing that, but glad to hear his voice even for that little bit longer.
“I should let you go,” Gina said after a few more moments of silence, and the statement felt more loaded than what she’d originally intended.
“Oh,” Ricky said, and Gina heard the shuffling on the other end cease, “Oh. Okay. Yeah.”
Gina couldn’t let the call end like that, stunted and awkward, two hearts bleeding thousands of miles apart. The pain between them was palpable, and Gina struggled to think of a way to correct it, knowing there was no easy solution.
“Well, I guess I better –”
“I miss you,” Gina interrupted Ricky, needing him to know it, hoping he could hear in her voice just how desperately true it was. She missed him so much that it physically pained her.
She heard a stuttering sigh escape Ricky’s lips, and Gina imagined him closing his eyes, listening to her the way he used to do when she would practice her singing parts with him. She hoped that’s what he was doing.
“I miss you, too,” Ricky replied, his voice soft, broken, “So much.”
Gina felt a smile touch her lips despite everything, knowing just how similar they still were. They would always be each other’s foils. Gina didn’t think she’d ever meet someone as perfect for her again. She didn’t know if she wanted to.
“Goodbye…Ricky,” Gina breathed out, and she heard Ricky’s breath hitch.
“Wait,” Ricky called out before she could get the chance to hang up, “When can I hear your voice again?”
Gina’s stomach tumbled, her heart tripping at his hopeful tone, and she wondered why she had left it so long to speak to him. Sure, it hurt. But, she thought the pain might be worth it if it meant she could have even a sliver of Ricky in her life again.
But, she had to pace herself. She couldn’t have too much too fast. She couldn’t be greedy, because the last time she was, Ricky ended up being ripped away from her.
So, she replied, “The next time it rains.”
*
It was always difficult, Gina found, filming particularly emotional scenes. It was especially difficult when those scenes required her to tap into some deep seated trauma she never pulled from willingly.
In Quinn’s version of Romeo and Juliet, Juliet’s mother discovered their secret relationship, and was violently against it – claiming things like Romeo would ruin her, that Juliet didn’t know what she wanted, that she knew best for her daughter and Juliet would be no daughter of hers if she continued with her romance.
It struck a little too close to home for her, and not in the ways she had expected. Ever since Gina’s chat to Miss Jenn when she was filming HSM4, Gina had always tried to draw her emotion from experiences she had been through herself, to try and achieve the most raw performance she could muster. That scene in particular threw her back to a particularly devastating argument she had with her mother the first time she had to move away from Salt Lake City.
Gina was never the type to raise her voice against her mother, generally opting to stay silent and mourn her losses behind her walls. But, that time, after Ashlyn had suggested Gina stay with her for the rest of her sophomore year, Gina couldn’t back down. Her mother was adamantly against her being apart from her, insinuating that Gina wouldn’t maintain her studies and her rigorous dance routine, cutting her with remarks that without her around she wouldn’t achieve all that she was meant to achieve.
Gina had blown up in retaliation saying the one thing she couldn’t achieve with her mother was security, because she was the cause of her life being uprooted at the drop of a hat. Her mother had been stunned and shocked, and her next words cut Gina to her core.
“You just don’t know what’s good for you, Gina. You’re so young,” her mother had tutted, before she sighed, running her fingers over the badge she had earned from Carlos on Thanksgiving night, “But, if you’re so sure this is the right choice, I won’t stop you. I just don’t want to see you quit on this, like you’re so prone to do.”
That had shut Gina up quickly, hurt flashing through her chest in an arc of heat. But, she wasn’t going to argue with her mom if she was giving her permission. She almost wished she had when her mother had squeezed her shoulders before her move to New Zealand, a small smile on her face, “Maybe you were right about Salt Lake City. Don’t be too upset about leaving, you were bound to outgrow this place anyway.”
So, filming a scene about a mom who insisted she knew what was best for her daughter without actually considering her daughter’s feelings was a little bit of a sore point for Gina. As she sat in her trailer, trying to take calming breaths and ground herself in the moment, she heard the patter of rain tap against her trailer roof, dingy in quality as it struck the metal. A moment of clarity broke through her distress, and she remembered her promise to Ricky.
Ricky. Someone who could always cheer her up, no matter what her mom had unintentionally done to hurt her. She picked up her phone and opened their text thread, saw all the messages she had yet to respond to from before their call. She hesitated in texting him, not wanting him to think she only wanted to speak to him when she was sad. She wanted to speak to him all the time but – there was something about the rain, the way it reminded her of Ricky, of chocolate boxes and lips against hers and his nose nudging against her cheek and his arms around her waist as he picked her up, that made her brain go tunnel visioned.
She quickly typed out a message and hit send before she could change her mind.
From Gina: is it raining in slc?
Gina stared at her phone, wondering how quickly he would receive the message, and her heart leapt when not even ten seconds later, she saw the three dots that indicated to her that Ricky was typing his response.
From Ricky: i can make it rain if that’s it takes to hear from you
Gina almost dropped her phone, her heart beating wildly in her chest, and she cradled it close to her heart, closing her eyes and taking in a deep breath, before she pulled back and hit the call button on Ricky’s contact. It didn’t even go a full ring before he had picked it up.
“Gina,” Ricky breathed out, and that aching sensation from before filled her lungs again, reminding her how she used to hear his voice all the time, every day.
“Ricky,” Gina couldn’t help but smile, despite the melancholy seeping into her bones.
“What’s the matter?” Ricky asked, and Gina startled a little in her seat, wondering how he was still so attuned to her when he said, “You sound upset.”
“That obvious, huh?”
“Only to me,” Ricky replied, as if that wasn’t the most mind numbingly crazy thing for him to say, as if those words didn’t send her for a loop, her brain a mess of Why did I leave him? and I feel so seen, understood, known and Was this move really worth it? and Mother is always right, listen to mother.
“I guess…it was just a hard day on set,” Gina explained slowly, picking at a loose thread on the couch she was seated on, “I have my mom in my head. It’s hard to explain.”
“I get that,” Ricky said, and Gina knew that he really did, he wasn’t just saying it.
“Will you… Will you cheer me up?” Gina asked, knowing that if anyone could do it, it was him.
There was a pause on the line, and Gina worried for a moment that Ricky might think she was using him, before he said, “Did you hear the story of how Jet asked Kourtney out last week?”
She had. Ashlyn had told her. She wanted to hear Ricky’s version.
“Tell me,” Gina smiled at how his tone brightened, hugging her dressing gown closer to her chest.
“It was so funny,” Ricky began to snigger a little bit, and Gina felt her own giggles tumble from her lips despite Ricky not having said anything yet, “Jet had this whole big speech prepared that he had practiced with me all weekend, and he bought flowers and everything. Then, Kourtney turned up to school with her hair done differently, and Jet was so shook that he accidentally dropped the flowers just as someone skated past, and the petals shredded into the air into his face. He had to ask Kourtney out while Carlos tried to pull several rose thorns out of his hand.”
“That’s unbelievable,” Gina shook her head, closing her eyes and listening to Ricky’s content voice rinse over her, “Did she say yes?”
Again, she already knew the answer. She wanted to hear Ricky tell it though.
“Surprisingly, yes,” Ricky laughed, “I think Kourt finds Jet’s absolute hopelessness around her endearing. Although, I can’t talk much. I was a mess when we started dating–”
He cut himself off abruptly, as if remembering who he was speaking to, where she was – on the other side of the planet. Gina absolutely hated just how easily they could get on after so long, only for the pain of their situation to come crashing through the middle of it. She hardly knew what to say to get back to their light banter of before.
So, she said, “Remember when you learnt the entire Mark and Spark theme song in one day just because I said it was my favorite show?”
“How could I forget? It was stuck in my head for weeks,” Ricky responded, his voice sounding a little bit calmer by Gina’s contribution to his thought.
“Let’s go for a W-A-L-K,” Gina began to sing, feeling her head grow heavy at the reminder of their first date, but wanting to keep it light, wanting desperately for some sense of normalcy to grow between them.
“I’ll wait the whole dog day,” Ricky sang back, chuckling slightly, although it sounded stunted.
“You used to sing for me all the time,” Gina hummed, her shut eyes fluttering slightly, trying her hardest to keep her voice even, “I love your singing voice.”
I love you. She wanted to tell him that she did, but she knew it wasn’t fair to say it, not when she was the one who left, when she wanted him to just be happy even if she wasn’t there.
“Let me sing for you, then,” Ricky suggested, and Gina felt her stomach flurry with nerves, imagining the way Ricky sang for her the very first time, in the rehearsal room, eyes locked on hers and a nervous smile.
A sharp rap on her trailer door caused Gina to jump, her eyes flying open, and she heard a crew member call out, “Miss Porter, this is your call to set. Action in five.”
“I-I have to go,” Gina said regretfully to Ricky, though she didn’t move from her spot.
“Go – be the star you were born to be,” Ricky replied, and Gina nodded, even though she knew he couldn’t see her.
She paused, not ready to hang up, and so Ricky broke the silence again, “Until next rain?”
“Yeah,” Gina softly laughed, her heart throbbing in her chest, her mouth dry with the thought of having finished their moment together, “Until next rain.”
When Gina was able to check her phone again later that day, she saw a video attachment had been sent through to her from Ricky. She clicked onto it curiously to see him in frame, guitar in his lap. Her heart pounded in her chest as she pressed play, and she practically melted when she heard the strumming pattern for Right Here, Right Now. Ricky’s voice softly rang through the video, coating over her ears and lulling her into a dream state as she stared at the boy in front of her. His video angling left much to be desired, the majority of the screen filled with the guitar and his hands, the top of the screen having cut off anything below his jaw – but it was enough.
To hear him sing again was enough.
Gina used to dread rainy days. Now, when it rained, she thought about Ricky’s voice, and it made it a little more bearable.
She couldn’t wait until the next one.
*
The sides of Gina’s vision were slightly blurry, a light filtering ethereally through her gaze, and she could tell that she had fallen into a dream. There was no way what she saw in front of her was real – Ricky Bowen, head on her lap, nose nuzzled into her tummy while her hands carded through his hair, his eyes fluttering in contentment.
She wasn’t going to ruin the moment by voicing her awareness of the fact, missing sorely the feel of Ricky’s fluffy curls slipping through her fingers and the way his soft breaths puffed onto the sliver of skin exposed at her midriff. Her heart beat rapidly at the thought of any chance of being close like that with him again, even if it wasn’t real.
So, she simply sat there, and let the moment play out.
Eventually, Ricky opened his eyes and shifted his head so he could look up at Gina, blissfulness in his gaze as she gently scraped her fingers over his scalp. He gave her a dreamy smile and Gina couldn’t help her own grin from breaking through, her cheeks aching at how happy the contented boy in front of her looked, and he leaned forward and pressed a short kiss to her lips.
Gina’s stomach dropped from under her, and when he pulled away, Gina couldn’t help but immediately lean back into him, desperate for the feel of his lips against her own, and she sighed into his mouth when he eagerly kissed her back, their mouths moving slowly, headily, as if they had all the time in the world and not just the time it took before Gina slipped back into consciousness.
When they eventually pulled apart, Ricky lifted his hand to brush a finger under her eye delicately, before shifting his hand under her chin and pulling her toward him, pressing one last kiss to her bottom lip, nipping playfully, causing Gina’s heart to somersault dramatically. He smiled at her again, soft and lazy, and mumbled, “I love you.”
Gina’s heart stopped, never having heard those words from his mouth before, their relationship never having progressed far enough for either of them to say it. She wanted to say it. She needed him to know that she felt it too, that no one was more important to her than he was, but her mouth was frozen, unable to produce words, or do much else beyond hang there listlessly.
Ricky’s expression started to drop with her lack of response, slowly becoming more guarded, and Gina tried desperately to tell him she loved him, but her dream state wouldn’t allow her to alter its events, and so she stared at him as Ricky began to close off, picking himself off her lap and reaching for his phone, staring at her with betrayal, opening his mouth to say something before –
She shot awake in her bed, tears in her eyes, heaving. She had wanted to say it. She wanted to say it every day of her life – every time she called him and heard his voice, every time they paused before she hung up, because she was always the first to hang up. But, she couldn’t. Not without properly seeing him and touching him and being with him. He deserved better than her “I love yous” when it was much too late.
Gina could hear the pounding of rain on her roof, and her stomach lurched a little, thinking of Ricky getting ready for his day despite it being so late for her, thinking about how they led such separate lives despite once having been so in sync. She shouldn’t have been selfish. She should’ve left him be.
But, it was raining. She needed to hear him.
Worse, she wanted to see his face. She had gone too long without it, and semi regular phone calls and two more recorded videos of Ricky singing for her with his face obscured were not enough anymore. She was greedy. So, despite knowing how much it would hurt, Gina leaned over her bedside table, flicked on her lamp, fixed her braids so they framed her face just so, and then without thinking too hard about it, hit the camera button beside Ricky’s contact, initiating a FaceTime for the first time since before their estrangement.
He picked up almost immediately as he always did, his shoulders bare as Gina could see clothes strewn around him, probably mid getting ready for the school day. Gina’s heart tripped at the sight of him for the first time in so long, her eyes roving across his bouncy hair, slightly damp from a shower, the way his eyes were wide and shocked, but still glittering and awestruck the way they always seemed to be whenever he looked at her. His mouth was opening and closing, like he was desperate to say something but didn’t know what.
Gina hardly knew what to say, watching his own gaze shoot about the screen the same way hers had been, watching as he released a stuttering breath, and Gina couldn’t help but think about how handsome he was, how much he had missed his face, how much she had missed the way his eyes would look at her like she was a sun that demanded his attention. His gaze always made her feel wanted , and she warmed throughout her body from the top of her head to the tip of her toes at the thought that it hadn’t changed.
“Gina,” he breathed out, and her hand gripped at her duvet at the sound of her name on his tongue like a prayer, relieved that she could finally see him say it, “It’s got to be 2am for you. What’s wrong?”
“I couldn’t sleep,” Gina whispered, and she watched as Ricky took a seat on the edge of his bed, his half packed backpack visible behind him, “Is this a bad time?”
“I’m running late. Shocker,” Ricky replied, and Gina couldn’t help the hopeless smile that slipped onto her face, endlessly endeared by him. The sight of it made his own smile stretch onto his lips, before he frowned a little, his voice softening in that comforting way he always exhibited whenever she was upset or stressed, “You look tired. You should try to rest.”
“It’s raining,” Gina replied by means of explaining why she’d called, and Ricky tutted in acknowledgement, falling back onto his bed and lifting the phone above him. The chain around his neck glistened with his movement, and Gina couldn’t help but think back to her dream, and how real dream Ricky’s lips felt against hers.
She missed his joy, and his laughter, and the way he made her feel more special than anyone else. But, she also missed his touches, his tight hugs, the way he would nuzzle his nose into her neck, the way his kisses could make her knees weak and her heart frenzy. It was especially painful when she could see his face, see the way his eyes lit up at the sight of her, and she could do absolutely nothing about it.
Ricky just watched her for a moment, as if knowing she had something to say, before he whispered just loud enough for his phone to pick up, “Say it.”
She didn’t hesitate any longer.
“I miss you,” Gina said simply, not sure if she should expand on her thoughts.
“I miss you, too,” Ricky replied, and one would think they’d be tired of saying it – every single call they’d had in the past few weeks being punctuated by it, but each time it only struck her even deeper how much she really meant it.
“I–” Gina didn’t know how to voice what she was really feeling, didn’t know if it would be selfish to do it, but she couldn’t stop it from slipping past her lips when in a flash of Ricky shuffling his position, she spotted his knitted hat from Thanksgiving poking from under his pillow. She just couldn’t help blurting out, “I wish I could touch you.”
Ricky’s eyes widened, the tips of his cheeks flushing, and he ripped his gaze away from her to somewhere out of frame, his brows furrowing harshly. Gina knew she messed up at that moment, and it was confirmed when Ricky creaked out, “Don’t do that.”
“Do what?” Gina pushed, not knowing why she wanted to garner a reaction from him. Maybe it was because she felt so unsettled by the thought of him, and she was desperate to know whether he stayed awake thinking about her at ungodly hours as well.
She kept saying she was selfish. It had never been more true than in that moment.
“You know what,” Ricky snapped, and then he winced a little when he met her eyes, not able to stay upset at her for long. His eyes grew softer, pleading with her, “Don’t make this harder than it already is.”
“We should talk about this,” Gina insisted, her own indignance building within her, “What we’re feeling. We can’t keep skirting around this.”
“You’re the one who ignored me for two months, Gina,” Ricky ran a hand over his face, “ You left me . Again.”
“And you didn’t fight for me,” Gina shot back, feeling flustered by his sentiments, knowing he had every right to be angry, but knowing she did as well, “ Again .”
There was a moment of heated silence, where the pair just breathed, staring at the other, before Ricky closed his eyes and shook his head. He sighed, before saying, “We’re not being fair to each other.”
“I know. I’m sorry,” Gina deflated a little, her mind exhausted by the whirlwind of emotions she had experienced in a single hour.
“I'm sorry, too. I let you leave because…because I know you deserve to be a star, Gi. If it were up to me, I would have kept you here, where you – where you could touch me and I could touch you and we could be together forever. But – you deserve more than that. You deserve to be seen and heard.”
“I already was even before all this,” Gina gestured around her, signifying her new life. She sighed, dropping her head, “I couldn’t call you because...I didn’t want to keep stringing you along. I thought you wouldn’t want me in your life, and if you did I thought it wouldn’t be fair to keep you hanging onto someone who couldn’t be there for you.”
“Gina, I’d rather have even just a fraction of you than none of you at all,” Ricky told her solemnly, reverently, “I can’t stand the thought of you ignoring me again. I think those were the worst two months of my life.”
“Mine too,” Gina replied, and she felt something buzz over her skin at the possibility of what this meant for them.
Ricky was just as desperate for any semblance of her in her life as she was from him. So, where did they go from there?
“Are you going to be okay?” Ricky asked after another moment of simply staring at her, unashamedly. Not seeing each other’s faces for months did that, they were drinking each other in like they were a cool fountain in the middle of miles of desert.
“I will be,” Gina nodded, forcing herself to smile so he could go to school and focus and not allow her to get in the way of his improved grades, “You know me. I just keep pushing.”
Ricky nodded back, though he didn’t seem convinced.
“You always have a line between your brows when you lie. I don’t know if you knew that,” Ricky replied, and Gina felt at a loss for words at how much Ricky continued to prove he paid attention to her.
“I used to love when you kissed me between my brows,” Gina offered, knowing he’d asked her not to make it harder on them, but she was feeling overly attached to him in the early hours of the morning.
“Gina,” Ricky warned, closing his eyes.
Gina couldn’t bring herself to apologize. So, she watched as Ricky opened his eyes. Watched as he hesitated before he kissed his fingers and brought it to his screen, brushing a virtual kiss over her cheek, and Gina’s heart pounded within her ribcage at the thought of his kiss on her cheek during the curtain call of HSM3 – the last kiss she’d ever received from him.
Then, he ended the call. The first time he had been the one to end a call between them since they’d started their conversations again.
Gina stared blankly at herself through her dark screen, the rain still thudding overhead, and she wondered if it was the wisest decision to call someone she’d never really gotten over in the early morning hours.
It only helped her see that she wanted to be with Ricky even more than she did before.
She just didn’t know how to fix what was broken between them.
*
Her makeup team brushed a powder over her skin as the last step to her full glam while Gina rearranged her flowy skirts, dressed to the nines for the big Romeo and Juliet premiere. When they finally stepped away, Gina looked around for Maddox who was in charge of her schedule for the day at her own request – Maddox didn’t like to be separated from Gina, and Gina was glad for it.
It was nice to have some semblance of home around her, even if it wasn’t exactly the same as being surrounded by it.
Maddox noticed her team was finished with her and rattled off some last minute requests into her phone, before she hung up and stepped forward, running a comforting hand down Gina’s arm, “You look stunning. As always.”
“I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to this part,” Gina smiled at her friend, latching onto her hand and squeezing, grateful for her presence.
“Well, you better! You’re about to be critically acclaimed for this role, I can just feel it,” Maddox grinned back.
“Just as long as I can take you to every set, I don’t care where this role takes me.”
“You’d have to pry my cold dead hands away from you,” Maddox jested, pulling away when she received another ping on her phone, quickly reading over the notification as she continued her sentence, “You’re stuck with me for…life…”
Maddox trailed off as she finished reading whatever was on her phone, and Gina frowned, concerned for her friend who was notorious for never speaking anything with uncertainty. What had made her pause?
“Uh…sorry, I just have to make a call,” Maddox flicked her gaze up to Gina, and then smiled reassuringly, “Go pop your heels on. We’re stuck here for a bit until the rain clears up so we can get you safely to the limo without ruining your hair.”
Gina nodded, watching as her friend flew into the connecting ensuite, hurried in her step. Gina fiddled with the straps on her shoes absently, glancing out the window to see it was in fact drizzling, not enough to be considered a shower, but enough to do damage on her glam team’s tireless efforts.
She wondered if she had the time to call Ricky, just to tell him where she was, to ask him if he was going to be tuning in to the red carpet, to see if he was thinking of traveling down to the LA screening with Ashlyn and Kourtney, even though she hadn’t told him about it. Being in New York was torture, now on the same continent, but still miles away. She was walking the same ground he was. She was experiencing the same rain he would be.
Before she could consider it any further, Maddox flurried out of the ensuite, a huge grin on her face, squealing all the while. She bounded up to Gina and took both her hands, jumping ecstatically and causing Gina to laugh in confusion.
“What’s going on?” Gina asked, watching her friend’s cheeks brighten with exertion.
“Gina,” she said, already breathless, “Quinn has a deal for you and me. You’re not going to believe this.”
“Okay?” Gina tilted her head, her curiosity eating away at her.
“She’s offering us movie contracts, working with her as director. She wants exclusivity to you and me, meaning we can’t work with another director for the next two years,” Maddox started to explain, and Gina’s eyes flickered over her friend’s face, trying to gauge exactly what was being explained to her, “And to sweeten the deal for both of us – oh, Gina, you’re not going to believe this!”
“Just spit it out!” Gina shook her friend’s hands, never known to be patient.
“She’s offered to film any upcoming projects in Salt Lake City,” Maddox finally dropped the bomb, and Gina dropped her hands as a result, bringing them to her mouth, despite her makeup artist’s protests to mind her lipstick, “If we accept this deal, we can go home. I can be with Bro Bear and Ash and…and you can be with…”
“Ricky,” Gina gasped, shaking her head in disbelief, bringing a hand to her chest and wondering if it was normal to feel the aching sensation she was experiencing at the thought of it, “I-I need to call him.”
“Go!” Maddox pushed her toward her charging phone, “I’m going to call Ashlyn.”
Stumbling in her heels to reach her phone, Gina practically leapt for it in her eagerness to tell Ricky her good news, her stomach flipping nauseatingly at the thought that she’d be going home, that she’d be staying home, for at least two years, if that’s what she wanted. And everything she wanted was in Salt Lake. Her family. Her home. Her Ricky.
She almost jumped out of her shoes when she saw her phone light up with a call, and giggled manically at the sight of her contact image for Ricky, wondering if he had sensed that was going to call him, or whether he was just thinking about her. Was it raining in Salt Lake? She didn’t care.
She clicked accept call as fast as she could and brought the phone to her ear, “Ricky!”
“Someone sounds excited to hear from me,” Ricky joked, and Gina could also hear a tremor of glee behind his tone.
She wondered if he somehow already knew her news, even though that would be impossible. She’d only just found out herself, and she could hear Maddox squealing down her own phone talking to her loved ones, so they couldn’t have already spread the news.
“I–I have something really important to tell you,” Gina breathed out, her hands practically shaking, her grip on her phone tremulous at best.
“So do I!” Ricky exclaimed, “Spooky!”
Gina couldn’t help but giggle helplessly at the callback in their relationship, the thought of their past no longer causing her to feel painfully nauseous. She felt tears prick behind her eyes at the thought that sometime soon, they might be able to reunite. They would no longer be living on borrowed time, waiting until the other had somewhere to be, delaying the eventual hang up as long as they possibly could. With that in mind, Gina softly spoke, “You go first.”
“I got in!” Ricky burst out, “I got into community college! My grades were consistent enough throughout this last half of the year. I’m actually going to college, Gi!”
“Ricky, oh my God, that’s incredible!” Gina exclaimed, genuinely ecstatic for him, clutching her chest where her heart was located, feeling a deep sense of pride for him.
“Thank you, seriously. You don’t know how much of this happened thanks to you.”
“What do you mean? You put in all that work!” Gina reminded him, sitting on her hotel room bed.
“But…the only reason I could work so hard this year was because I kept thinking of how proud of you would be of me,” Ricky admitted softly, and Gina felt her heart trip in her chest, her cheeks warming, “Every time I felt like giving up – which was a lot, I never realized how much I sucked at studying until this year – I thought about you out there being this huge star, putting your best effort into everything you do. It made me want to be better . If…if you can do it, so can I. Even if it’s to a smaller extent.”
“Ricky…” Gina whispered, touched to no end by his sentiment. She tried as gently as she could to wipe around her eye, conscious of the hours of work that had gone into her eye makeup, wondering why it was always in moments like those that she wanted to start bawling. The reason was almost always tied back to Ricky. She kept speaking, “I am proud of you. I knew you could do it, with me there or not.”
“I know you did,” and Gina could hear the smile behind his words, “Honestly, I’m proud of myself . I never thought I’d feel that. Ever. Everyone always just assumed I would be some high school dropout with no prospects beyond being a janitor at Slices. Now, I might actually have a shot at doing something I actually…want to do.”
“What do you want to do?” Gina asked, curious to hear his answer.
“I’m not sure yet. But, college is a great place to find out,” Ricky replied, and Gina smiled, wishing she could touch his face, or pass a hand affectionately through his curls. She settled for gripping her phone a little tighter as he kept speaking, “I really don’t think any news could top this right now. I’m so happy. I–I just needed you to know.”
“I’m so glad you told me,” Gina replied, and at that moment she decided.
She wouldn’t tell him about her deal. Not yet. This moment was for him, to bask in his achievement, to be proud of himself and all the work he’d put into that year. She had been selfish enough in the past six months – calling him all hours of the day, just because she needed to hear his voice, to remind herself that there were people in the world she could consider her home. It was time for her to be selfless.
Her own happiness could wait – she’d rather bask in his.
“I haven’t even told my dad yet,” Ricky laughed, a little bit of embarrassment shining through in his voice, and Gina felt her insides melt a little at the thought that she was the first he’d want to tell.
“Ricky Bowen!” she scolded instead, “Go hang up right now and tell the person who raised you the amazing thing you’ve accomplished.”
“Okay, I’ll call go Miss Jenn,” Ricky joked and Gina laughed in surprise, shaking her head.
“You’re crazy,” Gina giggled, and she hoped he could tell just how endeared she was by him, hoped he felt just as hazy in his happiness as she did, despite the fact that they couldn’t be having the conversation in person.
“Crazy enough to somehow get my act together and actually graduate this year,” Ricky responded, “I can’t believe it.”
“I can,” Gina insisted, and she smiled sadly, her mood shifting a little when she thought about all the plans they had made to celebrate his last year at East before she knew she was leaving. She wondered if Ashlyn still planned on throwing them a big end of year blowout. She wondered if Ricky had managed to sneak onto the roof the way he wanted to so he could slap a sticker on the tallest part of the building. She wondered if Kourtney had managed to write her perfect valedictorian speech with exactly the amount of words as she had days of schooling from elementary school to her last day of senior year. “I wish I could see you graduate.”
“You could FaceTime,” Ricky suggested, hopefully, “Although the forecast looks sunny.”
“I can think I can make an exception,” Gina responded, and Maddox had appeared in her vision, gesturing at the door, indicating she had to go. “Look…I actually have this premiere I’m supposed to be attending.”
“Oh!” Ricky replied, “Of course! I’m sorry for keeping you.”
“Don’t ever apologize,” Gina scolded, feeling something burning pass through her chest, “I-I always have time for your voice.”
“Me too,” Ricky said, “Wait…what is it you wanted to tell me?”
Gina hesitated, thinking he’d forgotten about it, before she said, “I… I’ll tell you another time. It can wait.”
“Are you sure?”
“Positive,” Gina smiled, and for once, the thought of hanging up on him didn’t ache as much as usual. She felt sad to hear him go – but, there wasn’t a clawing sensation in her throat, or tears burning the back of her eyes. She would see him again. She would .
When they hung up, Gina snapped a quick picture, pumping her first in the air and sending it to Ricky, making sure her face was fully in frame – not cut off in the way Ricky tended to do.
From Gina: your personal cheer squad for your graduation day. maybe you can print this out and tape it to a seat in the audience
She left her phone in the hands of Maddox for the rest of the night, and after countless interviews and photographs, finally managed to get it back when she sat down before the film aired. She opened her text thread from Ricky immediately, seeing his response.
First, he had reacted to her image with the heart eye emoji, and Gina was sure her stomach erupted with a thousand flurries of snowflakes. Then, there was a picture of him beside the TV, the red carpet in full view on screen, and he was wearing HSM4 merch with her character Bailey’s face plastered on the front. Gina wondered where he had even gotten that – knowing the merch had sold out in minutes after the movie dropped all those months ago, but she found herself blushing profusely at the thought that Ricky had items of clothing with her face on it, and that he actually wore them too.
From Ricky: your very first super cute superfan reporting for duty. i hear it’s very on brand for lead actresses to be fashionably late
At that moment, giggling into her hands, Gina made up her mind. As soon as she got back to Salt Lake, Ricky Bowen would be the first person she saw, no matter what.
*
The rain was thudding heavily against the car roof as Gina directed her driver outside the familiar apartment, one she hadn’t been to in over six months. She felt breathless looking at it then, seeing the porchlight on, seeing the familiar hedging around the front, seeing a skateboard carelessly discarded beside the front door.
What left her even more winded than the nostalgia of the view was the boy sitting on the porch seat, phone in his hands, staring blankly down on it, contemplative look on his face as if he was considering doing something – something like calling you , Gina’s heart whispered to her. With Ricky’s guitar resting beside him, and what she suspected was his lyric notebook messily thrown open on top of it, Gina guessed that was probably exactly what he was thinking. On a day like the one they were having then in New Zealand, Gina would have been thinking the exact same thing.
Every nerve in Gina’s body was thrumming with the anticipation of seeing Ricky in the flesh again, of reaching out and being able to touch him, of hearing his voice with her own two ears rather than in the tinny audio quality of her phone. But, something inside her hesitated as well, nervous to do all those things again after so long.
So, she reached for her phone and dialed his number, opting for something more familiar, working up the courage she needed to reveal herself to him again.
She watched as his phone lit up and he jumped a little in his seat. Her heart rate picked up its speed at the sight of him smiling unashamedly at his phone, closing his eyes and taking a breath before picking up, “Gina, I-I was just about to call you.”
“I know,” Gina replied, smiling to herself when she watched his expression morph into one of confusion.
“What, you got a Ricky sense now? Like a spider sense but way less cool?”
She couldn’t help but giggle at his goofy sense of humor, wondering why she was so nervous to approach him in the first place. She opened the car door and stepped out, not caring that she was getting completely drenched in the process, “I would argue that you are cool.”
“You’re extremely biased,” Ricky joked, frowning a little, “Where are you? It just got really hard to hear you, there’s all this noise in the background.”
“I just stepped out,” Gina said, walking forward, toward him, toward her Ricky, “I got caught in the rain.”
She stepped into the glow of the streetlight, her curls sticking to the sides of her face, and at her movement, Ricky’s face shot toward her. His jaw dropped at the sight of her, phone cluttering from his hands onto the patio, and Gina couldn’t help the ridiculous grin that stretched across her features, hanging up the call and slipping her phone away from the wet of the night.
Ricky could only stare at her for a good minute, stuck still on his seat, until something seemed to click in his mind and he shot up, practically sprinting to meet her halfway, his curls immediately flattening onto his forehead, clothes drenched and clinging to his skin. His eyes scoured her face as if she would disappear from view if he focused on anything else, and as he sighed out in relief, clearly accepting that he wasn’t witnessing an apparition, he brought his hands to her face, his thumbs shakily dragging over her skin, gentle and careful, like she might pop like a bubble under his touch.
Gina had to latch her hands onto his forearms, sure her knees were about to give way, her eyes fluttering shut at his touch. The relief that shot through her as he held her in his hands, something she had been violently craving for so long, was so overwhelming that she couldn’t help the small gasp that escaped her lips. When she finally opened her eyes to look at the boy she loved, real and present in front of her, she saw tears glistening in his eyes, running down his cheeks and intermingling with the relentless rain pounding down around them.
“What are you doing here?” he whispered, barely intelligible with the rain slapping against the pavement, “Am I dreaming?”
Gina shook her head, slowly sliding her hands down his forearms, opting to rest one over his chest, where his heart lay, relishing in the feel of its beat again after so long, “I’m real. Quinn offered Maddox and I a deal.”
“I-I heard about it,” Ricky nodded, one of his hands shifting to caress the side of her neck, his thumb brushing down the column of her throat, and Gina thought her stomach would drop out from under her if he kept touching her so sweetly, like she was the most precious thing in the world, “I didn’t want to get my hopes up, it – it sounded too good to be true.”
“Well, it is true,” Gina smiled at the way his eyes brightened, at the way it seemed a million thoughts were running through his mind, but most importantly, at the way he leaned closer to her, swaying into her like she was a magnet and he was a mere paperclip, helpless to her pull, “Ricky, you told me you let me go so I could go be a star and chase my dreams.”
Ricky nodded, encouraging her to go on. She did, “But – I’ve been miserable these last six months. I do want to chase my dreams. I do want to put my talents out there and I do want to make a name for myself but… Ricky, I don’t want to do all of that without you.”
Ricky’s eyes flickered over her face, his breaths becoming heavier as she continued, “The best part about fulfilling your dreams is that you have people to come back to who are proud of you for doing it.”
“I am proud of you,” Ricky replied, resting his forehead against hers, “ So proud.”
“I know. You’re the person I want to come home to. Not for a couple minutes over the phone, or in a dodgy video where I can’t even see your face,” they both laughed at that, before Gina finished her sentiment, “I want to be able to surround myself with you. I want you to be my rain – all around me, all the time. Is that selfish?”
“If it’s selfish, then I don’t ever want you to be selfless again,” Ricky breathed out, surging forward and firmly wrapping his arms around her waist, picking her up and spinning her around, grinning into her neck when she squealed at the sudden movement.
When he put her down, they stayed tangled in each other’s embrace, pressed against each other, skin slicking and hair stuck in the other’s eyes. She felt Ricky breathe her in, felt his arms tighten around her waist, pulling her as close as humanly possible.
Then, he pulled back, a determined expression in his eyes, “Gina, I need to tell you something.”
Gina nodded, her eyes plastered to his, giving him her full attention, not entirely sure if she’d ever be able to look away from him again.
“I love you.”
The air was positively knocked from Gina’s lungs, her heart thumping violently as Ricky barraged on, “I wanted to tell you the night you left, but everything was happening so fast, and I didn’t want you to think I was trying to force you to stay. It was so stupid of me. I – I wish I would have said it. You deserved to know. I love you. I still love you. I don’t think I’m ever going to stop.”
“Ricky,” Gina silenced him, putting her hands on his cheeks, “I love you, too.”
“You–” Ricky was stunned silent, and Gina was perplexed that he didn’t already know.
“I wanted to tell you so many times these past six months but – I was scared I would hurt you,” Gina said, and Ricky shook his head. Gina smiled, “Now, I realize that was just me being afraid of my own feelings when I couldn’t do anything about them. But, I do. I love you.”
“I’m going to kiss you now,” Ricky breathed out, and he hardly left her time to answer as he surged forward, his lips falling onto hers, the rain sweet against her tongue as he pressed into her, gripping her waist and pulling her into him. Gina fell into his embrace, her arms wrapping around his neck, his skin cold to the touch in the weather.
They stayed wrapped up in each other for what felt like hours, but was probably only minutes, their lips sliding against the other’s so naturally, it was like they had never been separated. Gina had missed the way Ricky could so easily bring goosebumps to her skin, could so easily draw out sighs and gasps from her, could so easily cause her knees to tremble and her chest to set alight. They were feelings she was certain she would never experience with anyone else, and she wasn’t prepared to ever give them up again.
When they pulled apart, Ricky laughed into her lips, his teeth clashing against hers with his smile, “Why did we break up again?”
“Something about wanting to protect the other’s feelings,” Gina murmured, still hazy and feeling thoroughly kissed, desperate to do it all again.
“We are the stupidest people on earth,” Ricky hummed, pressing another kiss to her lips.
“We should be studied in schools,” Gina joked between kisses, her words breathy and stunted, interrupted with every press of Ricky’s lips against hers.
“I like the idea of being able to publicly profess my undying love for you,” Ricky mumbled against her lips, opening his eyes, and Gina practically melted at the sheer joy she witnessed in them.
“I think I have another press conference coming up soon,” she whispered, unable to stop herself from kissing him again, “I’m sure your journal has countless songs about me in there that you could sing on national TV.”
Ricky smiled at her, nudging his nose against hers and sighing, pulling her into another tight hug. Gina felt the most bliss she had ever experienced in her short life, at peace with her situation. She was home. She was living her dream, and she was with Ricky. They found a way to have it all, and now that it was in her grasp, Gina refused to ever let it go again. She watched as Ricky opened his mouth, responding to her comment with endless love in his eyes.
“You have no idea.”