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At that time of the seasons, the sun set earlier, bringing longer nights over the multicolored plains. Trees from cold seasons were full of their dark green foliage, mixing with those preparing to fall asleep, in shades of yellow, orange and red. The sun setting and casting its golden light over the treetops and fields of tall grasses and wildflowers had been enjoyed in shared silence.
The night on the plains was cold and heavy with moisture from recent rains. The cool air coming from the forest ahead carried scents of the leaves in their various stages, roots that had grown stronger in the last season and broke through the ground.
There they had been for the last few days, enjoying a calm autumn that never existed on the mountain. Seasons might come and go, but the snow never melted on the peaks above.
It had been calm. Until a moment ago.
Zhurong watched as the Ghost King ran away, through the trees. Running away from them.
Kunlun didn't move a step from where he stood, observing almost impartially. Under the bluish light of the moon, the Mountain God's features often appeared sterner. Colder. It was an illusion, but it stood firm in the face of his personality.
"Why does he always run away like this? He's going to disappear for a long time again," Zhurong lamented.
"You know why," Kunlun replied, continuing to look ahead, through the trees, at what was rapidly becoming distant. He didn't like it, but showing himself to be wrong or sorry wasn't like him. He still had a long way to mature.
"He gets confused and disturbed by our displays of affection, no matter how small. Do you want him to disappear again?" The Fire God already knew the answer, though.
"No. But I don't know how to make him stay," Kunlun confessed, even though he didn't give in to his feelings in his tone of voice.
"First, you need to get him back," Zhurong sighed - what he said was simply obvious.
Kunlun turned slightly to glare at him, "I'm not naturally a hunter to have the luxury of chasing prey. If you take too long, you won't be able to catch up with him." This was perhaps a little revenge for how Zhurong had made Kunlun chase him in the fields under a heavy rain when they had first met, which had led to a result that had left Kunlun absolutely offended - and had made him claim the other for himself as payment, little knowing who Zhurong really was at that moment.
Zhurong wanted to say many things there. Kunlun and Xiao Wei had some difficulty communicating because Xiao Wei could not understand things that, to Kunlun, were obvious. And Kunlun was driven by his emotions, so if he was angry or upset, he’d lost the will to talk rationally - and would act with the arrogance expected of a god. Even with those he loved most.
"You won't do that again," Zhurong hissed, displeased with the kind of subject he knew that if he left out of talking to his husband, it would be immensely negligent - but he preferred if he didn't have to talk.
Kunlun nodded briefly, acknowledging his own boldness in pushing the older god to resolve the situation with his methods.
In the next instant, Kunlun tried to follow with his gaze as Zhurong ran through the trees as well. Since Zhurong didn't like to demonstrate his abilities beyond lighting candles and fires, the only way to observe him being a little more of a god and less of a ragged wanderer was to tease him about things that really mattered to him. Ultimately, what mattered most to him were the Mountain God and the Ghost King.
In the dense forest, the Ghost King felt that he was being chased. There weren't many things in the world that would dare chase him. And among them, only two would be capable of causing him the urgency to continue fleeing and alerting all the muscles in his body to exert themselves to their limit.
Even though he was moving so fast, avoiding trees and tall rocks on the way, he could still recognize the scent. He feared that he had accidentally caused such offense that time that even the kindest of them was not willing to forgive him. His instinct to flee contradicted his mind telling him that perhaps he deserved to be burned to the bone.
He didn't have time to try to stop himself, however. Before he could think any further, he didn't know which part of his body he was hit in, being thrown to the ground among rotting branches in muddy moss. The weight of the body suddenly pinning him on the damp forest ground only made him even more agitated and the need to fight was inevitable, even though he kept his eyes tightly closed. He didn't want to look. He didn't want to see what he believed he had caused.
The Ghost King struggled to free himself from the grip that kept him on the ground and each futile movement made it even more desperate for a creature who never knew worthy opponents that could fight him back.
He growled, but the supposedly threatening sound had no effect. His mind screamed to quiet down and to indulge the fate he had created for himself, but his body disagreed and continued ferociously trying to escape.
With his arms locked between his body and the other, he could barely rub his claws on the fabric of the robes above him. When he yelped on the verge of panic he had never felt before, a little space was given up between their bodies. One of his hands, which freed itself effortlessly like that, immediately hit the other's face, the fully projected claws cutting through the flesh easily, and the smell of blood was immediate, intoxicating and metallic filling the air between them.
The deep roar that rose above him and echoed loudly like a force of nature, making even the forest shudder, was what finally brought the Ghost King to an absolute stop, lying there motionless, his bony limbs completely still. He knew that sound only from a long distance and had heard it just a few times in his life. It wasn't like him or the beasts of his tribe. It wasn’t like the ferocious animals that inhabited the world, not even like the sacred tigers in the mountains. It was said that this came from much further than chaos, beyond the mystical Heavens that were not part of that world.
When the drops of blood fell on his face, splattering and staining his pale skin in metallic-scent crimson, it was like feeling back in the warm embrace of the land that had conceived him - even though outside of that embrace, everything was a world of pain and desecration. And so he remembered why he feared the being that was on top of him now. The blood and strength of that being were in the earth itself, undeniably every thing in nature resonated with him and attested to the primordial creator that existed there.
Slowly, the Ghost King opened his eyes to see the Fire God's flaming eyes staring back at him. His claw marks on the other's cheek were closing, but the blood trails remained. He had never seen Zhurong so furious. Or truly furious, even if contained. Sometimes he was irritated by what he heard from the other gods, but he always took a deep breath and let it go. Now, however, the Ghost King could feel as if the earth was crying as it cracked open, but nothing was actually happening in the world - it was just the Fire God's heartbeat.
"Never again," the Fire God's voice was not gentle and calm like the Ghost King was used to, it sounded like thunder cutting through the skies, "turn your back on me. Don't run away from me. Kill me first, but don't try to abandon me.”
That was when the Ghost King understood, despite everything he still couldn't be clear about, he was perfectly capable of understanding that. Because the Fire God had spoken his language. And because the very land where they lay and forcibly intertwined was now what was left of what had once been Zhurong's great friend. The realization hit the Ghost King harder than the fear he had felt before: Zhurong was, in a peculiar way, like him - completely alone.
Although he currently had a husband and the company of the Ghost King, that didn't change the long time - millennia, perhaps - that he had been left alone wandering the flesh, bones and blood of his only friend. At least the only friend he could remember. The one for whom he had given up all knowledge of himself to fulfill his desire. It was uncertain how much he had given up to Pangu to separate skies and earth, but his memory was clearly a part of the price he had willingly paid, managing to retain for himself only a vague remembrance of what was once his dearest companion.
“It’s impossible to kill you,” the Ghost King blurted out, covering his mouth with his hand the next second. He watched as the other’s gaze turned from flaming rage into a shadow of sorrow, with his brown hair falling down the sides of his face, covering him and the Ghost King like a veil to hide the pain. The disheveled yellow robe revealed his chest where there were no longer any scars that could have told truths from his past, and all that was left was the restless rise and fall of his breathing.
“One day, I’ll have to die…” It was a vague statement that he had been thinking about since losing Pangu. And so it sat in his mind more and more, as he listened to Shennong and watched the decay of the gods of that world.
Slowly, he slid to the side, taking his weight off the Ghost King, sitting on the mossy ground.
Xiao Wei remained lying down, staring at the treetops above and how the moonlight outlined the branches and leaves. “No. No, you won’t. You can’t,” he murmured.
“Don’t tell me that if you’re so willing to leave me,” Zhurong whispered through his unsteady breathing.
Hearing those words full of hurt, Xiao Wei quickly sat down, rushing to correct the impression he had made by simply still not being able to deal with some truths, “I’m not. I just- I just don’t understand…”
“What’s here to not be understood?” Zhurong stared at him, making no effort to hide his emotions. He never hid it. He didn't know how to wear masks and play the games that the other gods played. “What’s wrong with my affection?”
“How can anyone feel what you call ‘affection’ for a dirty creature-” Always the same thing, the same feelings that seemed so rooted in the Ghost King’s heart that he would refuse anything that went against what he thought of himself.
“Stop this!” the Fire God interrupted, “If you’re dirty, so am I!” There was no anger this time, perhaps except anger at the stupid idea others spread that everything born in the profane lands was inherently hideous. “We’re just the same, don’t you see?! Can’t you feel it ?” He was sure the Ghost King had felt it through the contact with his blood.
“You created all of this.” Xiao Wei gestured vaguely about the world around them. “I was born from this. We can’t be the same.”
“If I roar again and make the earth shake under us and let the sounds of what I really am reach the Heavens to afflict the minds of the gods, will you see we’re no different?” the Fire God persisted.
“What you really are?...” To afflict the minds of the gods…
At that question, the Ghost King watched Zhurong struggle with his memory once again, closing his eyes, trying not to let go of what seemed to want to surface just a moment before. But it was impossible. He couldn’t recover a price already paid a long time ago.
“I’m sorry,” he muttered, frustrated, “I’m sorry, Xiao Wei. Did I hurt you?” He seemed to finally return to his usual state, which was always looking harmless at anyone who couldn't feel the strength flowing through him.
“No, you didn’t. It was me who hurt you.” Ashamed, Xiao Wei looked down at his own legs, which still awkwardly touched the other's.
“It’s not your fault. You were just trying to protect yourself. I’m sorry for all of that. I didn’t mean to scare you… I just didn’t want you to disappear again.” Zhurong sniffled, swallowing back tears, not wanting his young partner to feel even more guilty. His partner, although he knew that the other still couldn't see himself that way, that was still true.
When the Ghost King noticed the tears in the other, his reaction was instinctive to repeat exactly what the Fire God tried to give him when he wanted to comfort him. In an instant, he was on his knees in the mosses and branches, his arms wrapped around Zhurong's neck, his face in the crook of his neck as he held him close.
"Would this all have been easier if I had just cried from the beginning?" Zhurong laughed softly, hugging Xiao Wei's waist in return. The irony was in his little Ghost King running away because he didn't know how to deal with the sudden hugs and caresses that came from him or Kunlun, and now here was that little Ghost King, impulsively giving him a sudden hug.
It was little more than a hug and certainly a normal creature wouldn't survive the Ghost King's excessive strength, but Zhurong didn't necessarily need to breathe to continue living, so he could correct the amount of strength at another time. Now he just didn't want to do anything that would drive Xiao Wei away again.
He felt the Ghost King nuzzling and nibbling on his neck, in his wild attempt of soothing the older, and even the gentle caress made the Fire God feel the small sharp fangs brushing against his skin. If chasing and roaring had been better understood than talking, he wished Xiao Wei was free to do things his way without fearing being inadequate.
He tilted his head, baring his neck in offering, encouraging his young partner to go further.
When overflowing with emotions, the Ghost King was either static or impulsive in reacting. At that moment he just forgot the restrictions he had been placing on himself for years until then and closed his mouth on the tender flesh, feeling flooded with a strange joy.
Unlike the hug of excessive strength, the bite was calculated and did not hurt, despite the small scratches that the Ghost King's fangs caused on the skin, the sensation was welcome.
When the Ghost King pulled back a little, loosening his embrace, he looked for anything that told him he had gone too far. But in the Fire God's eyes, there was only fondness.
Zhurong leaned closer to brush the tips of their noses together, a much softer way of finally sharing a kiss with his young partner. Xiao Wei blushed from his cheeks to his ears, but didn't move away. He leaned too and repeated the gesture instead, watching how that made the other smile in genuine contentment.
"I hunted you down and you're not mad at me..." Zhurong softly said.
"I ran away from you, I hurt you, I bit you and you're not mad at me. Not anymore."
"Could I really be mad that you didn't understand the things I didn't explain? I'm sorry. Please don't leave."
"I'm not leaving."
"You better not leave, Xiao Wei," Kunlun's voice startled the others and the Ghost King almost fell back, if he hadn't been held by Zhurong, keeping him safe in the embrace. "He's not the only one who will be devastated if you leave again." Kunlun knew that he would still get scolded when the older god found an opportunity to be alone with him, but it had only taken him the time to walk there to understand: if he didn't make it clear to the Ghost King how much he cared, he would eventually lose the most tender and innocent part of his affection. And his precious Xiao Wei would never learn to trust him even if he didn't leave. There would always be a distance. That wasn't what he wanted. "You two should go wash in the stream. And take the opportunity to bring me a decent fish to roast over the fire."
Zhurong and Xiao Wei looked at each other, they had completely ignored all the mud and moss and leaves until now. And they didn't need words to understand that the other was also thinking that the Mountain God was more like Da Qing than anything else, much less like other gods.
"You will hunt with me from now on." Zhurong helped the Ghost King up, trying to brush off some of the leaves and moss on them - and failing miserably.
"Hunting? With you? No, no, I do it alone!" the Ghost King protested, struggling again with what he was and the savagery he was capable of committing when hunting. He didn't want to be seen like that.
"Aren't you curious to see how I do this?" Zhurong teased, and Kunlun just looked sideways, imagining how far those two could go together. The mere idea delighted Kunlun.
It took a moment. But then, hesitantly, Xiao Wei nodded. The implication of having a hunting companion was strange, but the premise of what he could see when it came to a wild god who did not follow anything the other gods proudly held was too intriguing to his youthful curiosity for him to miss the opportunity.
Kunlun raised his hand and hid a low laugh with the sleeve of his robe. He would still learn how to tell them both that he loved them exactly because they were wild and free like the nature that surrounded them.
…
At the stream, Kunlun sat on a high rock as he dipped his feet in the cold water and watched the two naked beauties sitting just in front, water covering them up to their waists. They didn't care about the water temperature or the inclement weather - it was still milder here than the snow and freezing rain on the mountain peak.
Zhurong had picked a handful of autumn flowers and shared them with Xiao Wei, instructing him to rub them on his skin and hair after the water had washed away all the dirt. It was quite rustic, but Kunlun appreciated the easy improvisations that Zhurong always found for having lived in the wilderness since he awakened in the newly formed world.
"That's why you smell so good..." The Ghost King concluded, after rubbing the flowers on his skin, while smelling his own arm.
"He smells like incense and houpo* flowers," Kunlun commented, pointing to a distant tree that he knew the Ghost King could see, which was at the end of its late bloom.
“Do I?” Zhurong asked, uninterested, paying attention to his bath.
"What did you think you smelled like? Sulfur and coal? Smoke from a fire?" Kunlun didn't miss the opportunity to tease his husband, having the urge to kick water at him and only restrained himself so as not to disturb Xiao Wei's bath.
"How would I know? What I know well is your smell." Only after saying it did he realize what that implied and looked aside to see Xiao Wei's cheeks completely red.
"And you like it," Kunlun smirked, flirty and satisfied with both his partners’ reactions so far.
"I do. What's the point in being married if you don't smell nice?" The Fire God and his mischievous young husband watched with quiet amusement as this made the little Ghost King rub the flowers harder on himself.
…
Beside the bonfire, Kunlun spread his long, bright green robe open on the grass and offered the warm bed to the other two who were just drying off after their long bath.
Zhurong approached first, with nothing but his long brown hair covering his body, touching their foreheads together. "Are you apologizing?"
"Hm," Kunlun hummed, closing his eyes to stay like that for a moment. He didn’t need to see to know that his husband was smiling at that moment.
There were days when they talked all the time, about everything. There were other days when they were completely silent in each other's company. And both things were equally pleasant.
The little Ghost King found it particularly beautiful when the two gods understood each other with a glance or a gentle touch, no words needed.
He didn't want to run away. He wanted to learn and stay with them. Running away was an impulse he had often, but that night he had understood that he would have to control it. Otherwise, he would be missing the chance to stay where his heart desired most. And, taking the gods' words as full truth, he would also be hurting them if he left. He didn’t want to hurt them. He didn’t want to live without them - even if he didn’t find himself worthy of being with them. If there was a way to change what he was and make himself worthy-
He was brought out of his thoughts by Kunlun's soft smile directed at him.
"Come, Xiao Wei. I made you a bed."
Xiao Wei nodded happily, walking towards the robe lying on the grass, but stopping before stepping on it, waiting.
"Are you going to cover us with a leaf?" The sweet question was one of the few forms of self-indulgence that the Ghost King allowed himself, as he loved the sight of Kunlun performing this simple trick and the silky feel of the fabric as it fell over his body.
“Of course. Go to bed, you two. You can get some sleep while I watch the fish we put on the fire to roast.”
…
What Kunlun really watched was the other two sleeping, covered in green silk, snuggled together. He sat on the grass, next to them, occasionally reaching out his hand to gently stroke one or the other's hair. He had almost lost Xiao Wei indefinitely again because he didn't know how to deal with the little Ghost King's delicate emotions. Losing any of them was unthinkable. Losing any of them because he was stupid was unforgivable. He was willing to listen to what Zhurong wanted to tell him about this. Listen, learn, improve.
He knew that he might never be as good at comforting the little Ghost King, because it was easier for Zhurong, who was wild to the last hair. But the relationships were different and perhaps what the youth needed from him was not the same as what he needed from Zhurong. Just like what he wanted from each of them was different.
When they stirred a little in their sleep, the contours of the silk on their bodies made their shapes obvious and this distracted Kunlun. He wondered how someone who was always so embarrassed by everything wasn't embarrassed by his own nakedness, however. The little Ghost King had already taken many baths with one or both of the gods, but he always had his back to them. That hadn't been the case this day.
Perhaps he wouldn't have been as comfortable if Kunlun had entered the water, he always seemed more shy around the Mountain God.
More insecure, Kunlun realized. And he didn't like noticing so many times in the same night all those details where his precious Xiao Wei was uncomfortable, because it was easier to always blame the youth's lack of self-worth for that than to acknowledge his own flaws and the moments when he had been mean to someone so naive and who fervently admired him.
You two are always so good to me, even when I'm arrogant and difficult to deal with. But I don't want to always be like this, ungratefully repaying the pure love that you two give me. I want you to find joy in me as I find joy in you.
Under the caress of his hand, he felt the head that turned to look up, look at him.
"Kunlun-jun..." Xiao Wei's voice came low and sleepy.
"Go back to sleep, Xiao Wei. I promise I won't eat all the fish." He patted his young partner's head like he used to do with Da Qing's fur. But the Ghost King seemed unwilling to go back to sleep.
"Kunlun-jun, I- What Zhurong-jun really is?" He propped himself up on his elbows, sitting up carefully so as not to wake the Fire God.
"I dare not assume out loud. I already disrespected him once, without knowing what I was doing." Such had been Kunlun's shock when Shennong had told him that he was correct in assuming that Zhurong was indeed the god who had stood by Pangu's side in separating skies and earth and shaping chaos, that he had feared he would be rejected once Zhurong remembered correctly of who he was. Nothing like that had happened, however. Even remembering what little Zhurong had managed to remember about his own godhood, he hadn't changed anything about how he behaved and how much affection he showed. He didn't even seem to give much importance to the things that Kunlun supposed a god of his kind would have given.
"He's not a beast like me..."
"You also imagine something, don't you? Keep this silent in your heart. Possibly you and I think the same. Maybe, giving up greatness and becoming a ragged wanderer wasn't a punishment... If I know my spouse well enough, I believe this was a choice. Therefore, it is not up to us to turn over what he decided to leave behind."
"Hm. I understand. I don't want to make him sad ever again. Nor hurt you.”
Upon hearing that, Kunlun wanted to explain himself to the little beauty so dear to him. He had reflected enough just that night. And he knew he had to start somewhere.
"You hurt me when you ran away and disappeared before... because I was afraid I would never see you again."
"I already promised I won't try to run away again. I want to be where you are."
"You once told me I was beautiful and that you wanted to hug me. I was so cruel to you then. Will you forgive me and hug me from now on?”
This was what the Ghost King had always wanted. And even though he had received hugs many times, he had never heard Kunlun ask for it in any way.
"Can I really have this?" He raised his arms, but was still unsure of reaching out to touch Kunlun.
"As much as you want. Being with Zhurong and you is what makes me happy. Today I see that. If I were stripped of everything I have, and had nothing left but you and him, I would continue to be immensely happy. Losing any of you… would be my undoing.” Kunlun confessed and that earned him the same impulsive reaction that Zhurong had gotten earlier. Xiao Wei's arms were around his neck, in a hug of immense strength, ignoring the nakedness of his younger body.
“I’m going to protect you and him!”
“I know you will. But let us protect you too, will you?” Kunlun laughed at his young partner's sweet innocence. One day, perhaps, Xiao Wei would understand that it was seductive, but Kunlun certainly wouldn't try to explain at a time when he had finally managed to willingly receive the affection that Xiao Wei denied to Kunlun and much more to himself every time he ran away or withdrew for feeling dirty.
The laughter was a little too loud.
They heard the muffled voice against the fabric where Zhurong rested, "You ate all the fish, didn't you?"
…
In the late afternoon, under the orange sun, the light on Zhurong's yellow robes and honey skin made everything shine golden . Just like, in the blossoming of spring, the greens of Kunlun were much more vibrant.
Xiao Wei sat among the gods, on the hill overlooking the stream they had followed and the forest with its multicolored trees.
They had lain on their makeshift bed for a long time in the morning, and walked leisurely that day. They would enjoy the colorful autumn while it lasted, and when the first signs of winter arrived, it would be time to return to the temple for a few months.
On the horizon, the sky was shades of pink, orange, and violet, blending and changing as the sun lowered to meet the silhouettes of distant mountains.
It was a beautiful landscape, but Xiao Wei was distracted by the restless gods lovingly teasing him.
"Xiao Wei, why are you sitting on the stone?"
Xiao Wei looked at Kunlun in confusion, his question hadn't made any sense. Zhurong also wanted to know where the Mountain God was going with this.
"You should be sitting on my lap instead," Kunlun explained.
Xiao Wei shook his head vehemently.
"Eh, what? You slept naked with me all night but you see a problem with sitting on my lap?" It was more of a complaint than a question.
Xiao Wei nodded.
"You're too shameless, Kunlun," Zhurong sighed, patting Xiao Wei’s head. "Stop bothering him."
"I see. I'm not good enough to deserve to see the sunset hugging my little beauty,” Kunlun pouted, ridiculously pretending to be hurt.
Zhurong rolled his eyes at the Mountain God's explicit tantrum.
But it worked, even though it was clear Kunlun was just being dramatic, he had Xiao Wei climbing into his lap the next moment.
A bit clumsy, but Kunlun helped his young partner get comfortable, with his back resting on the god's chest. “Here, like this.” With one arm, he held Xiao Wei, while the other arm went around Zhurong's waist and brought him close. "You too, come here."
Zhurong chuckled and let himself be guided, settling down with his head on his husband's shoulder. "I fear what would have become of the poor kitten if you hadn't had me and Xiao Wei to spoil you the way you demand."
Xiao Wei tried to quietly accept being in that position, fidgeting with the long sleeve of Kunlun's robe that fell over him. Before his mind began to spiral into negative thoughts, he felt the kiss on the top of his head and the Mountain God's bearded chin ruffling his hair.
"I'm not demanding to be spoiled. I just want a perfect sunset, but it wouldn't be perfect without you two. That's all."
Xiao Wei fought all the bad instincts to run away, to think, to feel too horrible to live like that. It wasn't easy. But at that moment, he breathed slowly and tried to allow himself to have it.
He stopped fidgeting the god's robe and rested one of his little hands on Kunlun's hand that was on his chest. Xiao Wei’s other hand reached for Zhurong's to intertwine their fingers together.
Perfect.
...