Work Text:
Kazuma has been in love with Yusuke for a very long time, since before he could even remember. Maybe it happened after the dark tournament or when they both nearly died fighting the saint beasts. Maybe it was earlier than that, when they met at Genkai’s shrine. But if he’s honest with himself, he’s been in love with Yusuke from the moment they met.
Of course this level of honesty sent him spiraling a bit, denying himself and his feelings. He’s not in love with Urameshi. They’re best friends, best guy friends. Sure he feels close to him, but anyone would after risking their lives for each other over and over again. Besides, if Kazuma were ever to try to push what they have, he’d probably lose it forever. Yu- Urameshi probably wouldn’t want to see him ever again, let alone speak to him. So he keeps quiet and tries not to listen to his heart screaming to love and be loved. He can be happy just living like this, just having Urameshi in his life.
But then he finds out that he’s leaving and he won’t be back for a long time.
Kazuma’s mad. He’s so damn angry he can hardly think. But more than that, he’s devastated. There had always been a distance between him and Urameshi, but now it felt like an uncrossable canyon, separating Kazuma not only from him, but from the rest of their friends as well. Kazuma sees the three of them standing there, powerful demons with personal summons from the three demon kings of Makai. They have strength radiating from them like dark matter and a diamond gleam in their eyes. They’d always outclassed Kazuma, but now they were in a totally different league. Even the way they held themselves spoke of immense power and a confidence of being able to wield it.
Standing there in his t-shirt and trainers, Kazuma feels more like a tag-a-long than ever even though he shouldn’t. He’s not going to be able to follow them anymore. He wasn’t going to be able to be in Yusuke’s life anymore. He can feel his heart breaking and hopes that the others can’t tell.
It doesn’t help that he’s the last to know. The very last. Worse, it was like they expected him to just be okay with it, like he was stupid for not seeing this coming and a fool for hoping that Yusuke would be happy here with him. From the look on his face, it’s clear he’s not. Kazuma doesn’t think he’s ever seen him look so troubled, and yet so sure of himself. He keeps avoiding Kazuma trying to catch his eyes, choosing not to look him directly in the face. It feels cowardly and it hurts Kazuma’s feelings that he won’t just be straight with him. But he’s already punched him once and it wouldn’t do to lose his temper again. Not like it would change anything anyway. While the others are distracted saying their goodbyes, Kazuma slips away. He doesn’t think he can take much more of this and feels all the worse that soon he won’t have to. Yusuke will be gone. He collapses on the side of the porch and puts his head in his hands, trying to contain all the feelings threatening to burst free. He’s feeling so many emotions that the quickest way to describe how he’s feeling is simply upset. Very upset.
He feels someone sit beside him and he wipes his hands over his face, hoping to get rid of the evidence that he’d been crying. Yusuke’s still not looking at him, instead studying his shoes.
“It’s only for three years, I swear.” He says quietly, like he was doing his best to sound casual when he was feeling anything but. “...I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I really only made up my mind yesterday.”
Kazuma just makes a noise of agreement, not wanting to ruin their remaining time together by saying everything on his mind, as much as he wanted to.
“Keiko’s worried and giving me hell for it, but I keep telling her the Demon Realm isn’t as bad as what everyone says.” Yusuke huffs. “Like, I know there’s lots of fighting, but how is that different from my life here? Besides, this way I can get some answers on what it means to be a demon and learn to control my power. I’ll be fighting pretty much all the time and you’ll be so busy with school work, three years will fly by in no time.”
Kazuma doesn’t agree. If anything, three years felt like an eternity. He suddenly felt tired and far older than he should. If Yusuke was a demon now, does that mean he’ll age differently? Will Kazuma grow old without him? He wonders if he’s already missed his window of opportunity. If that’s the case, fuck it. There’s a good chance Yusuke will decide to just stay in Makai and never come back, so what does he have to lose? He reaches out and takes Yusuke’s hand in his, stopping him mid sentence in the middle of rambling about life in Makai.
“Do you think it’ll make you happy?” He asks quietly, his voice rough with holding back emotion. Yusuke adjusts his wrist so he can hold Kazuma’s hand back.
“I think I need to go. More than anything, I need to figure my own shit out.” He tells him, giving his hand a squeeze. “But… yeah. I think it’s what I’m looking for.”
“I see.” Kazuma says softly, feeling a sort of mourning in his chest. He thinks about the last time they were all in Makai together, the way Yusuke had looked out across the lands with something like determined longing. Yusuke is nothing if not a man who knows what he wants. A life here with Kazuma just isn’t it. Oh well. If this is goodbye, then he wants no regrets.
“I understand. I guess you should get going then. There’s a big world waiting for you out there.” Kazuma says, getting to his feet. He gives Yusuke’s hand a squeeze as he leans in and kisses him tenderly on the cheek. “Thanks for being a part of mine for a while. Goodbye, Yusuke.”
He lets Yusuke’s hand slip from his as he starts to walk away, too heartbroken to see his reaction. That’s okay. Kazuma has said his piece and he has all his memories of Yusuke to look back on.
“Kazuma, wait!” Yusuke calls after him, grabbing his wrist to stop him. Kazuma turns to tell him that it’s alright, he’s fine with things ending this way. Yusuke uses his grip on his wrist to pull him close, wrapping his arms around him in a headlock.
“What the hell, you bastard?!” Kazuma snaps, trying to pry himself free.
“Where the hell d’you get off being all somber and shit?” Yusuke barks back, switching up his grip when Kazuma breaks his first hold. Kazuma tries to break this one as well, but his struggle just sends them both tumbling to the ground in a tussle.
“Fuck you!” Kazuma grits his teeth, his chest aching with the knowledge that this was probably their last time wrestling like this. He was going to miss it. “You couldn’t even look me in the goddamn eye, so what right do you have to complain?”
“Screw you, asshole, I’ll complain all I want.” Yusuke pins him to the ground and refuses to budge even as Kazuma tries to buck him off. “It’s your fault for pissing me off!”
“Hah?” Kazuma’s the one who should be pissed.
“Acting like this is ‘goodbye’ and not ‘see-you-later’.” Yusuke growls, glaring down at Kazuma. “Fuck you. If you think you can get rid of me that easily, then you’re wrong. God, you’re so dumb I can’t believe it.”
“Hey! I–” Kazuma starts to protest and cuts himself off as warm drops of water splash on his face.
“Damn, now look what you’ve done.” Yusuke angrily swiped tears away from his face even as he glared. “Stupid. Don’t you know that I’m gonna miss you too?”
“Yusuke…” Kazuma’s too stunned to respond, staring up at Yusuke with wide eyes.
“You’re my best friend, dumbass.” Yusuke continues. His voice still held an angry edge, but his lower lip was wobbling like he was trying hard not to cry. “I’m coming back for you, whether you like it or not. You still haven’t beaten me in a fight and I’m not going to let you off the hook until you do, alright? You promised to beat me and I promised to come back. Let’s keep our words, yeah?”
Kazuma’s response was to pull him down into a tight embrace, his arms trembling with fierce emotion. “Yeah.”
As afraid as he was of what the future may hold, Kazuma felt reassured by this promise and Yusuke’s tears. It helped soothe some of the hurt and heartache that burned inside him like a love letter that was never sent. It was still hard to let him go, even harder to watch him get ready to leave through the portal. Kazuma can’t make himself look, feeling the full weight of all the time they’d spent together sitting heavy on his heart. He tells Yusuke that he’ll have graduated by the time he comes back and that’s something for him to be proud of. It may not be as illustrious as what his friends are offered and after, but it’s his own journey that he wants to take.
“Alright.” Yusuke sounds proud and Kazuma startles when he drapes his arm over his shoulders, pulling him close and pressing a firm kiss to his cheek. “But when I come back, I want a real kiss.”
“U-Urameshi!” Kazuma stammers, feeling his cheeks burst into flames. Yusuke just laughs and pulls away. Kazuma savors the lingering ghost of his touch as he leaves for Makai, unable to tear his eyes away. Yusuke looks back one last time and catches his eye, giving him a wide grin. Kazuma resigns himself to waiting three years for his return. Hell, he’d wait as long as Yusuke wanted him to. Watching the portal close, Kazuma wonders when he became this hopelessly in love and if it’ll ever stop. Yusuke’s lips against his cheek is all that’s on his mind for the rest of the week and he thinks it’s already too late. He's already fallen for Urameshi Yusuke, hook, line, and sinker.