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A pair of tawny eyes blinked at him, head tilting slightly to the side in a cat-like gesture.
"... Pardon?"
Atsushi stiffened under his gaze. This was a bad idea. Trusting Ranpo-san was a horrible idea.
"Atsushi-kun, did I hear you wrong?" Persisted his curious mentor, leaning toward him from his seat.
The silver averted his eyes, rocking back and forth awkwardly. "I'm afraid not."
Eyebrows shifted high on his forehead and Dazai rested his chin in his palm, expectant.
The boy avoided the morbid intrigue on the other's face, mustering up an explanation. "I have this sort of- I have this date today-"
"Ooh." The man's eyes twinkled as he leaned forward. "Do tell."
Atsushi pulled back awkwardly at the little distance there suddenly was between them, a bead of sweat forming on his forehead. "It's nothing, really. Ranpo-san set us up and I don't really know much about her yet." He chuckled.
Dazai encouraged him with a hum, and Atsushi wasn't sure if he'd ever had the man's full attention to himself for so long, like this. It was somewhat unnerving. "I'm pretty sure I'm going to mess it up." He admitted with a sigh.
The corner of the man's lips turned up. "Hence why you asked me to teach you how to properly kiss someone? To help you relax?"
"Ah well- yes." Atsushi couldn't help the blood rushing to the tips of his ears after a moment of the implications dawning on him. "It doesn't have to be-!" He hurried to reassure, spluttering in a fluster. "Not like- hands-on or anything!"
An arched eyebrow was his only reply, flustering him further.
"It's just- I- I'm sure you have plenty the experience. You're very handsome and charming-" The tiger chuckled nervously, then choked. "O-objectively speaking."
Displaying a grave and serious expression, Dazai nodded with a squint, his hands in a staple. "I see."
"I just wanted to know if you can give me some tips." Atsushi felt a bit dumb going on, but there as no backing out now. Dazai-san wasn't going to let him live it down anyway. "I-it made more sense at the time." He added in a mumble.
Dazai blinked at him for three seconds before barking out a laugh. The boy mentally groaned in mortification. "Atsushi-kun, I'm not sure if I can do that." He wiped a tear of mirth from his eye as the last of his laughter died down.
Atsushi's shoulders drooped a bit, but he nodded. "Of course not."
"Not verbally, I mean."
Atsushi froze, double checking his hearing.
"Kissing is something you learn with experience, as you put it." Continued Dazai smoothly, a hint of a sinister curl to his smirk. "I'll have to show you, hands-on."
The boy straightened, eyes wide. "Wait, wha...?"
There was a moment of pause before Dazai was sitting on the edge of his desk in one swift movement, leaning back on his hands slightly, feet planted on either side of the chair. "Well?" He said almost boredly.
Without his permission, Atsushi's gold-purple eyes travelled down from the fluffy hair hugging his mentor's face to the bandages wrapped around his neck, then tracing the outline of the dark vest hugging his torso, the attractive arch to his narrow waist. Before he could go lower, a pointed dragged out cough made his wandering eyes snap back rigidly, face burning with mortification.
Wearing a lazy knowing smirk, Dazai beckoned him with a finger. Blinking again, Atsushi was standing in front of the man, as if in a trance.
Very well, he could do this. Atsushi sucked in an inhale and trapped it in his chest, squeezing his eyes shut with a determined wince.
Roughly a minute passed without a movement and he slowly cracked an eye open, uncertain. Dazai was looking at him with pursed lips and tight eyes. "Err, is something wrong?" Atsushi mumbled, feeling self-aware.
The brunet sighed and briefly slumping back on his hands, highlighting his slim form. "I see what you mean now by you needing to relax."
"Huh?"
"You look like you're waiting for me to hit you." He raised an incredulous eyebrow. "Don't brace for impact, Atsushi-kun. I would honestly be very offended if I were your date." He shook his head disapprovingly.
Atsushi blanched a little. "Sorry, sorry." He puffed out a breath and shook off the tension in his hands. "I didn't know I do that."
"Have you ever kissed anyone before?" Dazai tilted his head in curiosity.
He hesitated in answering, as he wondered about that himself. "I... I'm not sure if it counts."
Dazai stilled for a moment, reading him easily through lidded eyes. "It doesn't." He softly answered for him, making him look away. "You do know what actual kissing is supposed to be like, right?"
Atsushi ran an embarrassed hand down his features. "I don't know, Dazai-san." He groaned. "I know I'm supposed to do it, but-"
"You're not supposed to do anything, Atsushi-kun." Dazai scrunched up his nose. "You do it because you want to."
Atsushi blinked at him sideways.
"It's supposed to feel good, not forced- and certainly not painful." The brunet chided lightly with an index. "Since you flinched so hard just now."
"I said I'm sorry." Atsushi grumbled defensively.
"Atsushi-kun, if going along with this hurts you, you should just stop." The tiger blinked twice at the concerned look on his mentor's features.
"It doesn't hurt." He softly said eventually, eyes straying downward. "Not if it's you- I trust you, I- I mean, you're different." He corrected himself with a bit of embarrassment.
Caught off guard for a brief moment, Dazai's surprise morphed into a touched expression, eyes crinkling kindly before he snapped out of it with an angry pout. "Hey! Stop making me want to do this more." He nudged the younger playfully.
Atsushi covered his giggle. "I didn't know I had irresistible charms, Dazai-san."
"Uh-huh." His mentor gave him an amused look, humoring him by not commenting further. "Let's try again."
The tiger was confused at how Dazai moved back on the desk as if to create space, but he did flush a bright red when his mentor gave a clear instruction by patting his lap, a smirk curving his lips. "Um, Dazai-san?!"
"You wanted to relax, right?"
"That'll help me relax...?" Atsushi's two-toned eyes were keen on continuing their shameless gaze over Dazai's lithe form where they'd left off, the slender body stretched across rather prettily before his eyes, but were torn away upward and scolded internally.
Mischief twinkled in tawny brown eyes, never breaking away from his. "Eventually, it will."
Atsushi's throat felt too dry to protest any further, ever so shyly complying with the silent request, self-conscious as he delicately sat himself down on the very front of the man's knees. He couldn't bring himself to meet Dazai's eyes from sheer mortification, resisting the urge to squirm. He soon let out a strangled noise when something touched the low of his spine.
"You're really jumpy, you know." A tut came from his mentor.
"It was a bit sudden." Referring to the touch, stammered Atsushi, chewing on his lip.
There was a silence on Dazai's end. "I'll just have to make sure we're on the same page then."
"And uh, how will you...?"
Before a confused Atsushi could question it, Dazai reached over the silver's shoulder to mumble to his ear, his warm breath raising goosebumps over his skin, making Atsushi's breath stutter. "I'm going to gently caress your cheek."
Atsushi swallowed carefully, not wholly catching the grasp of where this was headed, but nodded anyway.
"Is that okay?"
"Huh?" The tiger frowned, bemused. "What do you mean by that?"
Dazai leaned away slightly to reveal his patient hooded eyes. It stirred up something unexplainable and suspicious in the pits of Atsushi's stomach. "What I mean is, Atsushi-kun..." He began smoothly.
"Can I?" The touch hovered above the pale skin of the stunned tiger's face, awaiting permission. "Am I allowed to touch you?"
Atsushi felt his throat tighten and rip away his ability to speak, clearing his raw throat. He may be following this train of thought, however slowly, and it left him with a pleasantly tender tingle, as if he were but fragile glass, required to be handled with infinitely gentle care. Perhaps it was selfish of him to find such comfort in it.
"Y-yes, Dazai-san." Atsushi whispered once he found his lost voice.
"You're sure?"
"Yes, I- I'm the one who came to you." The tiger reminded softly, quietly, trapping the air inside his chest in anticipation.
Knuckles brushed back and forth against the curve of his cheek, making him suck in air sharply. It felt nothing akin to uncomfortable, nor did it spike his involuntary alarm this instance, merely overloading his senses, so his silver lashes slipped close, feeling his face heat up.
"Tell me when this stops being overwhelming and I'll move a bit lower, okay?"
Atsushi nodded, focusing solely on the odd fluttering feeling, barely noticing himself when he murmured. "It feels... good."
Taking it as his cue, long smooth fingers caressed down his jaw to his chin and Atsushi released some of the tension under his skin. "Doesn't it?" Dazai sounded content with the response he'd coaxed out from the tiger.
Caught up in awe and the blooming warmth in his chest, Atsushi marvelled at how his discomfort faded gradually, the twisted feeling in his gut forgotten, replaced with a dreamy haze, sinking so deep into the trance that he didn't know he was rubbing his cheek against pale knuckles for more until a giddy chuckle rose, making his two-toned eyes snap open and redden.
Atsushi yelped, face burning with embarrassment. "I'm so sorry, Dazai-san. That was eh..."
"Cute." An amused muse cut him off and it shut him up for good, making him blush further, Dazai continued to brush against the features of his face, his cheek, jaw, up the curve of his nose, above his brows and very fleetingly, briefly, over his bottom lip, but never straying an inch lower than he'd asked of Atsushi. It both was a reassuring anchor for the tiger and aroused an itch deep inside him at the same time. Atsushi found his muscles going lax in Dazai's comforting presence.
"Can I pull you closer to me, Atsushi-kun?" He calmly asked next with a head tilt, getting a timid nod from the red-faced tiger. "I need you to say it, please."
Atsushi's eyes widened slightly, trying to suppress a splutter. "I uh..."
"Go on." Encouraged the other, not kindly, cupping his cheeks.
Atsushi looked away briefly, managing a mortified whisper. "Please pull- pull me closer, Dazai-san."
Alarm spiked his blood when he heard Dazai suck in a sharp inhale, his hold on Atsushi's face straining slightly, making him open his mouth apologetically, but wasn't given a chance to, bandaged hands trailing down slowly from his face to brush his chest and sides before finally sinking into either sides of his hips. Atsushi suppressed a surprised high-pitched noise by biting on his tongue.
"Did I do it wrong?" He finally stuttered out as Dazai used his firm grip to drag the tiger from his position on his knees inward, situating him higher on his thighs, his fingers burning an imprint through the layer of cloth.
"Atsushi-kun..." The silver-haired one felt his focus waver, aware of every inch of his torso pressed flushed against the other. "I didn't say... ask for it." His tone shaking with mirth, a hint of embarrassment and there was, something else.
Atsushi's eyes blew wide, processing how he'd phrased it. "Oh." Dazai burst into excited giggles, making him flush a deep red.
"It's okay, Atsushi-kun." Dazai sang, hugging him tight when his subordinate made a quick attempt to escape. "Feel free to ask me for anything, since I'm so handsome and charming~" He teased Atsushi's earlier slip.
"D-Dazai-san!" The younger cried out, hiding his mortification in a giggly Dazai's shoulder. He felt oddly comfortable in that compromising position, having an urge to hug the other man close, embarrassment slipping away from his mind.
A warm palm settled on his back. "May I?" Dazai murmured instead.
"Yes." This time, it rolled easily off his tongue, Atsushi let his eyes slip closed, chin resting comfortably just over Dazai's shoulder, sighing pleasantly when he was rewarded by soothing circles on his back.
"You're doing so well." Dazai whispered in approval and Atsushi mentally purred at the praise, melting into his arms further. A while passed until Atsushi lost track of it, almost drifting off.
"Do you think you're ready now?"
Atsushi stiffened a bit at the randomness thrown in the silence before relaxing. "Uh, I think so." He sheepishly announced, pulling away so they could be face to face.
Dazai gave him an encouraging grin, which he returned while chewing on his smile. "You good?"
"Very." Atsushi tensed. "I- I mean fine."
"Better than good, I presume." Dazai innocently remarked, revelling in his fluster. "You won't flinch if I lean in?"
"Probably not?" Atsushi gave his best sheepish smile. "I'll try my best."
It was returned with a smirk that made his stomach do a little flip. "Good enough."
The platinum-haired boy took a deep breath, anxiety and an anticipation of a sort tingling in his chest, wetting his lips absent-mindedly as Dazai closed the distance of their faces, tips of their noses brushing before he stopped.
Atsushi took a moment to study Dazai's delicate features. He'd never had an issue admitting to his attractiveness before, yet it felt more intimate to think about now.
The silver gazed at the distracting flutter of his mentor's dark lashes, the individual tips catching his eye in the movement. Some pale freckles were scattered across his cheeks and his jagged nose that were only noticeable up close, soft brown hair falling in a pair of mysterious eyes that were focused on Atsushi and searching his face for any signs of discomfort, reminding the tiger that he was more than safe in those bandaged hands.
In fact, Atsushi couldn't help but let his eyes trace what remained of Dazai's smirk, a small lopsided curve. Mesmerized by it, and flustered with a sudden realization.
"I think I get it, Dazai-san." Atsushi's whisper was barely above a breath.
Head angled slightly, Dazai's lidded eyes didn't seem to be on Atsushi's either, settled lower. Their noses fit next to each other and their breaths aligned, the warmth of it spreading on Atsushi's cheeks. "Hm?"
"What it means..." Self-conscious of his heartbeat quickening, the boy swallowed at the warm palm against his thigh. He doubted Dazai was aware he put it there, but he didn't want to bring attention to it in fear of it disappearing. "To... want it." He finished and tilted his head the other way, ending in a bashed waver.
Dazai stopped in his tracks, eyes widening the slightest bit. Pink dusted his cheeks, but he didn't reply, neither did he lean in and close the mere centimetres there was between them.
"Do you want me to ask?" Atsushi gave a pleading look through his silver lashes.
Dazai continued looking at him with a light blush, frozen. The color made him look even more beautiful.
The tiger took a trembling intake of breath. "Pa-please kiss m-mmh!" Cut off with Dazai promptly breaking the tension and grabbing his chin with a hand, pressing his lips firmly to Atsushi's.
He pulled away soon just slightly, giving Atsushi a long look, which he flushed to, lips tingling pleasantly. "Being charming and handsome sure has its troubles." Dazai dragged out a dramatic sigh, his thumb now absently running on the fabric of the other's thigh, using the other to properly cup Atsushi's face. "It's true that you can ask me for anything Atsushi-kun, but I..." He bit his lip in brief contemplation, before smiling into his sigh.
Atsushi didn't have the time to think to find his voice, breath hitching when Dazai leaned in and licked across his bottom lip, bit it right after.
Sunset colored eyes widened, a rush of butterflies fluttering in his stomach with his shaky gasp before silky smooth lips finally captured his.
Atsushi instantly hummed into the kiss, admittedly a bit embarrassing and needy. The ghost of a chuckle vibrated between them, a hand tangling itself in his silver hair, the other cradling his face gently, thumb stroking his cheek.
The tiger melted into the touch, insides growing mushy and warm.
Although it was more of a wishful thinking than anything else, Atsushi dared say in the security of Dazai's arms he almost felt precious, almost. Worth the effort of keeping himself alive, felt that he might even deserve it.
It was a fleeting magical sensation he wanted to cling more desperately onto, he realized as he wrapped his arms around Dazai's neck, pulling himself closer to the brunet. He was rewarded with bandaged arms slipping lower to snake around him as well, holding him tightly, reassuringly.
In contrast to him being a nearly overwhelmed mess, brought to tears by his own swirl of emotions, Dazai deepened the kiss slowly, calm and composed as his lips glided across the other's with more pressure, angling with a tilt to his head, silent and patient otherwise, making Atsushi's little sighs stand out.
Shyly dipping into an enchanting world where color was richer, feeling was a blessing and touch was addictive, Atsushi realized he would drown in it happily.
Sometime later they parted with a thin string of saliva attached, which Atsushi wiped with a flush and Dazai followed with an approving gaze, foreheads resting against each other.
"You good?" Dazai whispered, breathless as Atsushi was, running a thumb over his cheek.
It made him tingle inside. "Better than that." He whispered back, unsure of why they were speaking lowly in the empty room.
The nullifier didn't seem to like that answer. "You really shouldn't be, Atsushi-kun. Not with me." Despite that his tone was soft, eyes a touch fond next to distressed.
"I trust you." Atsushi said, never more confident of anything this entire conversation.
"Atsushi-kun." Dazai sounded like he might protest.
"No, you don't get it." He insisted, looking away slightly, shifting in the other's lap. "I'm not saying that just because you're... attractive." He flushed deeply at his own words. "Or that I like you, or that you feel like the only option for some reason. I trust you, Dazai-san. I trust you with myself." Softly he reassured.
"You trust that I won't use you?" If he didn't know any better, he'd say Dazai sounded insecure.
"Dazai-san, that ship sailed the moment we met." Atsushi deadpanned. "When you manipulated me into joining the agency."
Dazai burst into a quiet giggle. "Hey! You love it here."
"I do." Fondly smiled the tiger. "You may be the best kind of a bad person I had the chance of running into." He whispered. "You look so out of place in the light, but I think it makes for a breathtaking sight." He could feel his face burning with the confession.
Amusement freezing on his face, Dazai stared at him, swallowing subtly.
"I'm safer in your hands than I've ever been in anyone's, ever." Atsushi chewed on his lip nervously, reaching out to hold the brunet's face the way Dazai had, hoping to convey the same warmth. "I- I feel like I would give myself to you in a heartbeat, Dazai-san."
"I trust you to use me... the way I want you to."
He didn't get to see Dazai's reaction, as he quickly buried his face in Atsushi's shoulder with a shuddering breath, hugging him closer. "... Fuck." He cursed weakly.
"Thank you for this, Dazai-san." The tiger smiled, running a hand through brown curls. "Thank you for teaching me about this feeling."
"Thank you for trusting me." Dazai barely breathed out, pressing a small chaste kiss to his throat, making him feel giddy inside.
His date, he suddenly remembered, stopping in his caress. Judging by the way Dazai stilled as well- and as foolish as the thought might seem- Atsushi thought he might have thought of the same thing.
Could Atsushi trust her the way he trusted Dazai?
"I don't like that girl you're going to meet." Dazai mumbled to confirm his thoughts, muffled in his shoulder. "I think you should cancel your date."
"Oh..." Atsushi replied in the same manner, out of breath still.
"What if she doesn't treat you well...?"
The silver-haired boy again couldn't reach Dazai's expression, buried in in his throat, but he didn't press, wearing a soft touched smile as he hugged his mentor to himself. "I'm not going, Dazai-san."
"... Okay."
"Although, I was excited for eating out tonight, I'm kind of hungry now..."
"I can come with you."
"I'd love that."
"... Me too."