Work Text:
Rolling his tongue into his cheek to stop the yelp of pain that threatened to erupt from his lips at the sensation he was being subjected to, Khem merely kept his head bowed as he felt the scalding water against his hand in an attempt to ‘soften it for the proper bend’ the others had said. His eyelashes were dusted with droplets of tears that wanted to fall, the built-up emotion of frustration in each of them from the obvious hazing of the other dancers, but instead, he inhaled sharply to recompose himself and proceeded to exhale a soft sigh of acceptance.
“What is going on in here?”
The snap of a tone made his head jerk awkwardly upward as well as the cynical girls who held onto the jug filled with boiling liquid. It was obvious she was resented him getting the lead role in the next performance and was sent to help him prepare for it. Teacher Mae said his technique wasn’t flawless and needed just that extra touch of pizzaz. Khem hadn’t anticipated it would mean steaming his hands in the process. But who was he, but a poor orphan who had lost his way and looking for a place in the world? There were worse ways to gain a leg up. Ways he didn’t want to fathom about anymore, letting those vile memories remain dead in his soul; they wouldn’t do him any favors.
Or maybe they would. Heart suddenly in his throat at seeing his would-be hero. Chatra. Pale cheeks colored red in anger, chest puffing with thin restraint, fists curled at his sides. Khem thought Chat looked like his undoing: outwardly handsome, inwardly unattainable. He swallowed down the lump of insecurity.
“Ah Chat, Teacher Mae said—”
“I heard what she said. She said to help Khem fold his fingers better with warm water…I could see the smoke coming from his flesh from the door!” The hissed response from the leather man who burst in. It was unorthodox but not unheard of. “It was like you were cooking him alive!”
Nothing was ever kept secret for too long in Man Suang. No doors truly closed. Privacy was a dream for the rich, not them.
“Chat. I’m just following Teacher Mae’s orders!” The woman frantically screeched back in defense, setting down the jug in question and scrambling to her feet as if to appease the man with her appearance alone.
“If he can no longer fold his hands because of your jealous vanity? Will you also tell Teacher Mae it was an accident and offer your hands as a replacement?!”
It made both dancers wince at the outburst. Why was Chat concerned about what went on with the entertainers all of a sudden? Khem could recall a vague conversation he’d had with Chat, the man in question, about his skills. Only to get an offhanded compliment that if the teacher hadn’t fainted from his lacking, then Khem was doing alright. It was gentle and odd all at once. If anything, this faux outrage was confusing Khem who had an awkward armistice with Chat for a few weeks now; the drummer whose palms beat against the drum that echoed unconsciously in Khem’s heart too. Khem knew it was a foolish pastime to pine for a colleague that he’d had small market outings with and managed to find his smile again when Chat shared his beloved cat with the dancer. It was a delusion that needed to be grounded immediately for both their sakes. The idea of Chat hating him would hurt ten times more than any scorching his flesh had endured.
Shaking his head, Khem held up said hand in question, “It’s not your concern.”
As if he had been struck, Chat looked thoroughly soothed for a moment, surprised at Khem’s comment, then shook his head, “It…I…” the reply fell off of his lips.
Khem straightened out his shoulders, doing his best to take on a poised look of indifference as he emphasized with a flex of his hand, “See? It’s alright.” He wanted to put a see-through curtain between himself and Chat. One that Khem could peek through and gain a sense of comfort whenever he needed it, while maintaining distance from the drummer; he made that impulsive decision on the spot. Khem could have blamed it on the fluttering of his heart at the inkling of Chat coming to his rescue, but he knew better. It was just a ‘being nice’ kind of thing. The drummer did that from time to time with others too. Khem wasn’t anyone special.
It seemed that the woman decided to scurry away while she had the chance to escape Chatra’s ire, or what was left of it, leaving the pair of them to stand idly in the training room. Khem was shirtless in just his flowing trousers and flexed his hand again, winced silently as he peeked to the reddened knuckles, and saw Chat wanting to get close to inspect and he held up his hand once more, “I said it was alright, Chat.”
Chat’s bushy brows furrowed deeply, “Are you upset with me?”
“Why would you say that?” Khem gravitated towards his top that had been thrown over a chair, grasped onto it to shrug it on with a light sigh, “You didn’t have to intervene. Now she might get you in trouble too.”
“I don’t care about that, Khem.”
“You should Chat. She could be annoying,” Khem shrugged and stared off to the side, “It’s not like I was in pain.”
“You’re in pain now.”
“It wouldn’t be the first time…”
A pause weighed heavily between them at the context.
Khem cleared his throat, tied up the shirt with the fabric belt about his thin waist, ducked his head and darted over to the door behind Chat as quickly as possible, only to squeak at a sturdy palm curling itself around his elbow and tugging him back, “Ah!” He was whirled about, met Chat’s chest with his own as his free hand was caught by the elder man. Khem wriggled a bit under the scrutiny of his blistered fingers. “Chat.” Damn the twitch in his heart at their closeness. He was doing his best to even out his breathing, not let on how affected Khem was to Chat’s small actions and played nonchalantly. Months of this tiptoeing around one another culminated to a boiling point that Khem could only let Chat lead.
“Let me see your injury.”
The tone left no room for argument and Khem bristled at that. He was used to people of power using their authority, their status, their money to just command things of him; he sure as hell wasn’t about to let Chat do the same. Not even if the man made his heart throb at a sneaking smile Khem got sometimes, or the shared glances at the dinner table that added fuel to Khem’s fantasy that he could possibly have anything with Chat. Opening his mouth to shout this time, actually upset at this turn of events, wanting nothing more than to retire to the comfort of his room and cry about the unfairness of everything in his life, Chat did something that stifled it.
“Please.”
“…What?”
Chat gathered his bearings, still holding Khem’s elbow and hand as if not wanting to let things pass between them, but not sure how else to express it. It was the first time that Khem noticed a shadow of vulnerability flutter on Chatra’s face. A fellow that took pride in keeping stoically to himself while projecting confidence was stumbling now to stop Khem from walking away. It had Khem stopped.
“Please…let me check your hand and tend to it. Not here, I have creams in my room,” Chat finished. Being able to control a room wasn’t difficult for him, a nobleman in disguise at Man Suang by choice to infiltrate it for information, he honed and crafted the art of conversation. But with Khem, he got tongue-tied. It was like everything flew out the window immediately. He could see the fierce golden eyes from the moment they met held a fire, a passion, and Chat wanted to explore it further. He hadn’t gotten the chance to do so, however. It was his own fault. His mission at the forefront of his mind kept him from diving into other things…like friendships or relationships. Licking his dry lips, the color on his cheeks shifted in hue from anger to embarrassment, Chat stared, “Even if you might be upset with me, don’t leave without me treating it.”
The hint of desperation had Khem melt slowly, give a muted nod, and allowed himself to be guided out of the training room before anyone else came in to give them a hard time. Khem blinked and he found himself seated on the edge of Chat’s bed, Rueng deposited into his lap as Chat flitted around.
“Chat—”
“Ssh. Give me a minute.”
Khem felt his lower lip jut out automatically. Was Chat patronizing him now? The purr from his lap and the little paw against his chest brought his attention back and he blinked. “Your master seems to be distracted. Shall I kidnap you back to my room?” He dipped to press a little kiss to the top of the creature’s head.
Chat crashed into a desk in the corner of the room, cursed under his breath and returned to kneel on one knee in front of Khem, setting aside the little cream vial. He reached for Khem’s blistered hand to turn it this way and that with a click of his tongue, “I’ll tell Teacher Mae to whip her.” Thumbs brushed the sensitive skin, not noticing the shiver he elicited in Khem, and was trying to erase that memory as best he could.
“Chat, it’s alright. You really don’t have to concern yourself,” Khem gave a small mumble, “I’m not helpless…”
“I know you’re not. You’re the strongest person I know.”
Khem swallowed. That statement was powerful and the tone behind it even more so. “Then …” He rested his voice and propelled forward with the question that burned on his tongue more than anything else, “…why are you really doing this Chat?”
“Tending to your hand?”
“All of it!” Khem finally felt all of his annoyance spill out, wanting to pull out his hair and instead just sagged his shoulders forward in a hunched over position, ignored Chat’s raised eyebrow. “Coming to save me. Getting mad at her. Bringing me here to hold my hand and stare at it like you want to kiss it better or something equally odd…giving me comfort. I’m not used to it and you’re confusing me.”
“Oh.”
“Please stop.”
Chat bit his lower lip, dipped his own head as if not sure how to reply, then tossed his head back to see Khem pleading with him with his eyes, “I just don’t know how to behave myself around you.”
“What?”
“If I kissed your hand like I want to, will you retract it?” The elder dipped to do just that, let his lips brush the barest of kisses to the reddened tanned skin, against each knuckle. Chat turned the hand over so the wrist facing him now, pecked a kiss to the pulse that he swore beat faster. “I’m not good at courting someone. I apologize if it came out incorrectly. I haven’t done it before.”
“C-Courting?!” The sound that came out of Khem wasn’t human he swore, it was like a mouse had been caught in a cat’s paws, held steady. “W-who?! M-me?!”
“Yes. You.”
“Chat. Don’t jest. That’s cruel to say those things to me…to do those things to me with no intention to continue.” The younger’s lip quivered. “Y—you know about my past and my preferences. Are you are just teasing me?”
Chat could see the beginning swell of tears in those beautiful eyes and immediately pulled one of his hands to cup the other’s cheek, thumb brushing under the eyelid to catch a stray teardrop before Khem could rub it away stubbornly. “I’d never tease you about this. I’m serious. I didn’t mean to cause you trouble.”
“Well, you should’ve thought of that before you took me to the market and bought me candied sweets…or taught me to fly a kite…or let me cry with Rueng when I had my nightmares…” Khem prattled on. “Then tell me that my dancing is so-so. That I should practice more. Treating others with the same calmness that I thought was just exclusive for me and I wake up from floating in the clouds over my misunderstanding.”
“Like whom?”
“Like Hong.”
“Hong’s a friend.”
“I’m a friend too I guess, Chat.”
“No. You’re not just my friend, Khem.”
Looking skeptical, Khem wrinkled his nose, darted his gaze away.
“I’m not good at expressing myself Khem. I just…” Chat sighed, “You make words leave my mind. I just wanted to show you with actions.”
“But your actions aren’t direct either!”
“My mother told me once that love isn’t just saying it but showing it with sincerity,” and that made Chat gulp. Did that just slip out of his mouth? So casually? He groaned inwardly. How uncool. He gave an unprovoked love confession in a bid to keep Khem from spiraling further. The man just kept his hold on Khem’s face and hand, squeezing the latter. “Seems I’m not good at it either. I took you to the market for a date because I wanted to. I bought you treats because seeing you smile is the most precious gift for me. And the kite? I just wanted an excuse to hold you close. Patching you up now is showing I care for you.”
“How am I supposed to answer to that?”
“You can reject me, and I’ll accept it,” It sounded resolute. Chat stern then a hint of softness, “Or you could let me love you, and you accept it.”
“It’s a forbidden one, Chat.”
“Nothing lasts forever in life, why not enjoy what we have as we can?”
The dancer didn’t feel tears anymore just a blush spreading on his tanned cheeks, “I’ve never been in love before. I don’t know the rules or speak the language as you say…what if you grow to hate me because I’m also inexperienced?”
Chat relaxed a little, offered a crooked smile, “Impossible. Besides, there aren’t any rules. We’re in Man Suang. We can be whoever we want to be…if we want to try.”
His lap was empty now that the feline could sense the odd tension in the room, leaving Khem free to spread his legs lightly, curl his hands into Chat’s collar to tug the other to nestle between them. They were closer now and he gazed into gorgeous black pools for eyes along with the defined handsome features of the fiend who was making his heart erratic, “…then take responsibility Chat…”
The last part whispered but seeing as their faces hovered close, it was obvious that Chat couldn’t have missed it. Khem was channeling the ‘strength’ the other said he had. He immediately forgot the goal of just pretending that he didn’t care for Chat the minute the man uttered the word ‘love’ in Khem’s direction
“With pleasure.”
He didn’t know who closed their eyes first or whose lips twitched at their first joined touch in an almost shy manner, it didn’t matter. Khem only felt the weight that felt like bricks against his chest had been removed, allowed to breathe again, and sighed into Chat’s kiss. Their kiss. First of many the performer hoped as his fingers relaxed their grip against that collar now rumpled as he was about to lean back, only to feel fingers against the back of his neck to keep him in place, his mouth parted in surprise. “Cha—mm—at” Khem murmured Chat’s name when a tongue dipped inside, shifting the tone of the kiss from sweet and fragrant to heated and passionate, letting himself get swept up in the drummer’s waves. The reaction trickling to lower areas and as much as he wanted to dive into that unknown element, it was too soon, and Khem knew he’d have to be the one to set the boundary.
It was actually a comforting notion to know that Chat was purposely letting Khem take the lead in that. The man knew about a lot of things the dancer experienced and this ‘giving control’ was beautiful.
His hands patted at Chat’s shoulders to nudge the other back, his eyelids fluttered open and laughed at the little pout on the other’s face before it melted away into the same serious expression. “Disappointed?” Khem asked lightly, lifted his fingers to tuck a stray hair over Chat’s ear as he waited.
“No. Why would I be?”
“I see your pout, Chat.”
Chat rolled his tongue inside his cheek now, a habit he had picked up from Khem, and shook his head, “I don’t want to overstep. I’m trying to court you…not…you know.”
Nodding, Khem cupped that pallid cheek that contrasted in his palm and gave a gentle smile, “I know.”
“A kiss can sustain me a lifetime.”
Khem wanted to tease, pursed his lips, “Really now? So just one kiss and no more? Good to know. I’ll have to find a different suitor then—” he saw Chat look startled, arms dove around the dancer’s waist this time to hug him, refusing to let go as a face buried itself against his chest. The rumbling of laughter as he pet against the other’s dark hair, “—are you keeping me from leaving or hugging me?”
“Both. I told you. I’m not always very good with my words when it comes to love.”
“Then I will keep to your pace too, Khun Chat.”
Chat looked up from his hiding place in Khem’s shirt, felt relieved that golden eyes looked only at him as they sat together in the comfortable space that was his bedroom, away from prying eyes and anyone who wanted to hurt Khem. The man had seen plenty be jealous of his beautiful dancer, it was why when Mae mentioned help, Chat was going to volunteer only to find both Khem and one of the backup dancers disappear. He supposed that his actions definitely spoke louder as it resonated with the younger man. His arms squeezed around the lithe waist, wrinkled his nose as he continued to kneel between those legs, cozy. Nothing sexual crossed his mind for the moment, purely innocent in the puppy-like love his heart was blooming with as he pursed his lips, “Another kiss then please.”
“What do I get for my trouble?” Khem framed Chat’s cheeks with his hands, “Hmm?”
“I was thinking it’s really nice to go kite flying today. Just the breeze…you and me…”
“To hold me close, Chat?”
“To hold you impossibly close, Khem. Will you let me?” Those eyes asked, still waiting for the kiss, patient for the skittish man who captivated his heart from the first movement of gorgeous feet, and Chat grinned when lips came back to his for that kiss. He gathered up to stand, tugged Khem up with him, “I’ll take that as a yes.”
Khem laughed as he watched Chat flit about for a moment to gather his kite that he held out his hand.
Chat grabbed it and kissed the back of it, then saw Khem’s amused face, and his brow raised, “What’s so funny?”
“You brought me here to put cream on my burn. Instead, you confess to me, kiss me, and now we’re going to go out without the treatment,” Clicking his tongue, Khem could see those lines shift on Chat’s face as the elder went to pick up the vial with a sheepish face, and he smiled broadly, “Just like a pup.”
“I told you. Scattered about like sand in the wind,” Chat uncorked it, went to applying the cream and wrapping a small cloth around Khem’s knuckles with a nod, “There we go.” The man grabbed his kite in one hand, grabbed Khem’s good hand in the other, despite the other’s reservations and winked, “We’ll go out the back way.”
Khem nodded as he followed along. If this is what love felt like, as fleeting as it might become, he wanted to live in it for as long as he could.
-Done-