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Poppy threw a party for some occasion that Floyd can’t remember anymore. She threw parties all the time because she made up a TON of new holidays since the last time he lived in this village.
It was a pretty typical party. Dancing, laughing, drinking… a lot of drinking. Maybe too much drinking.
Floyd didn’t drink. He hadn’t drank in years due to personal experiences he’d rather not get into. So, he just got a nonalcoholic drink, sat at a nearby table and watched as his brothers partied together with their partners. Branch dancing with Cooper, Clay dancing with Viva, and Bruce dancing with Brandi. They were having so much fun and Floyd was happy for them. He would join them but besides the fact he didn’t have a partner of his own, he didn’t really enjoy parties anyway. He just attends one to be polite and spend time with his family and friends.
John Dory on the other hand had no partner but he partied hard. He always did. He LOVED parties. Back then, they’d have TONS of after parties and safe to say JD was the center of attention because of how rambunctious and social he was at them. And just like now, Floyd would just admire his open nature from afar and chill on the sidelines.
Floyd was having a relatively okay night, having his nonalcoholic drinks and chatting with any friends or family that came up to him.
Everything was fine.
Until an hour later…
“Heyyy, Floyd…?” Poppy came up to the dark pink-haired troll, a look of concern on her face.
“Hey, Poppy Seed! Everything okay?”
“Yeah, everything is good on my end… I just need to talk to you.”
“About…?”
“Um… so… normally, Trolls getting wasted at my parties is common. It’s not usually an issue, they just get tipsy, black out, wake up from a crazy fun night and that’s that. But… um…”
“… Yes…?”
“… It’s John Dory. He’s… uh… not himself right now…”
Floyd furrowed his brows. “Wait, what?”
“I’m all for a troll having fun and getting crazy but he’s making people uncomfortable and getting a biiiit… how do I put this… mean…? To himself…?”
Now Floyd was worried. Usually John Dory could handle his liquor. He’d be a little tipsy, fall asleep easily and wake up fresh as a daisy.
“What do you—?”
“I’m asking you cut him off for the night. Take him home, take care of him and make sure he’s safe. And if he wants to, help him open up about something. I’m getting… bad vibes.”
“Where’s Bruce?”
“Off home to his kids. And you know the others aren’t gonna be able to help ANOTHER drunk dude get home safely.”
“Right. Okay.” Floyd sighed and finished his drink. “I’ll take care of it. Thanks, Pop.”
“No prob. Have a good night, Floyd!”
“You too.”
———
“John Dory… JOHN DORY.” Floyd yelled over the music and JD’s own loud voice. The older brother had a bottle in his hand spilling some alcohol on the ground as he yelled about some strange stuff.
“— So, yeah, I’m basically forever alone! It’s fine though, I got my drinks and my bros! … I should’ve said bros first. But I mean— c’mon… drinks would never leave me.”
“JOHN DORY.” Floyd pulled his brother by the shoulder, spinning him around to face him. Unfortunately, he spun him too fast, causing him to trip over and having to have Floyd catch him. “Ah—! C’mon, JD, we’re going home!”
“Awww, c’moooon! Party’s just getting started! Have a drink with me!”
“I don’t drink, you know that. And I’m cutting you off. Queen’s orders.”
“Dayuuuummm, Queen’s orders? Shiiiit… I guess I gotta listen then, huh?”
“Yes but even if it wasn’t, you gotta listen anyway. Come on.”
“You’re so boring…” John Dory whined, letting Floyd drape his arm over the pink-haired troll’s shoulders.
“Yeah yeah, get moving cause I’m not carrying you the whole way.”
———
The walk back to JD’s van was exhausting and honestly aggravating. Handling a drunk JD was not his favorite thing. Usually Bruce would handle this kind of stuff. But then again, Floyd would be the last resort if Bruce wasn’t available to help.
It sucked when Floyd was only a teen and JD was in his 20s.
Floyd got John Dory in Rhonda safely and sat JD on a seat before setting up a mattress JD had.
“Ahh! Home sweet home…” John Dory slurred before flopping onto his bed. “I’m fucked up.”
“After drinking probably gallons of alcohol? No shit.” Floyd walked over to his older brother and took off his goggles that had been sitting crooked on his face the whole way back home. He placed it on a nearby table. “Need me to help you out of the jacket?”
“Nahhhh, it’s comfy…”
“Okay. I’m getting you water. If you need to vomit, garbage is right here.” Floyd pointed to a small waste bin.
“You’re the best, Floyd… you’re like a little pink guardian angel. Forreal…”
Floyd just chuckled and shook his head. “Shut up, dude. I’m just being a good brother. And apparently the oldest now since I gotta babysit you.”
John Dory just hummed, his reaction a little distant as he buried his face in his bed sheets. Assuming he felt sleepy, Floyd got up to get him a glass of water. He felt tired, the party and having to worry about his eldest brother draining him mentally and physically.
But as he started pouring water in the cup, he heard… sniffling? And then a… sob…?
Floyd walked back over, cup in hand, and saw John Dory curled up, gripping on to his pillow and… crying.
“… John Dory…?” Floyd tried not to worry too much because a lot of people cry when they get wasted. But JD normally never cries when he’s drunk…
Floyd carefully placed the cup on the ground next to the mattress and kneeled next to it. “You good, bro…?” He asked gently.
“… I miss our moms…”
WOAH. Okay. Wow. Heavy topic. Okay.
“… Huh…?”
“I miss them so fucking much, man…”
Floyd had no idea what to say to that. he doesn’t even know what brought this on in the first place! They died over 20 years ago, why was he suddenly—?
“… They’d hate me… they’d hate to see how I am now…”
Oh. There it was.
Floyd sat there silently before moving to sit at the edge of the mattress. “… Why do you say that, Dory?”
JD rolled onto his back, hands covering his face as he cried more. “I’m such a shitty person… I suck as a brother… I suck as everything! Our moms would hate me… I let them down…”
The younger brother frowned. “No you didn’t. And they would never hate you.”
“I couldn’t even take care of you guys!! I treated you all like a burden, I treated all of you horribly and then I left and— I-I— I couldn’t protect y— and I’m so so sorry—!“ He couldn’t even finish his sentences before he started crying all over again.
Floyd had no idea how to ease the pain or make him believe the opposite. He never had to deal with something like this. Dammit, why wasn’t Bruce here!?
All he could think of was to scoot himself forward and lay down next to his brother. He lied on his side, running a hand through his brother’s green hair.
“Come on, JD, we aren’t mad anymore…”
“… No one will ever love me… I’m such a shitty person…”
“No…”
“I’m gonna die alone…”
“Stop it. No you’re not.”
“I didn’t want to raise you guys on my own but I wanted— I wanted to protect you guys… after they died— after our moms— I promised them I’d take care of you but I failed so bad… and even now I just suck and no one likes me and I—”
“John Dory, breathe… it’s okay…” Floyd was exhausted by the flip flopping of the object of JD’s grief. Floyd couldn’t find good footing before being yanked back and forth into JD’s mental state. But it was so evident that John Dory had so much trauma and issues that he never told anyone. Floyd never realized how much help JD needed too.
“You guys found amazing people… you guys are happy… You have what our moms had… but I can’t have that… I’m living in the woods, I can’t talk to anyone, people think I’m weird and annoying… I’m not handsome like Bruce is, I’m not as sweet as you are, I’m not as smart as Clay… I’m just a hideous, shitty person…”
Floyd was feeling his heart break and tears prick his eyes. “Stop it, John Dory… please…”
“It’s true…”
“Not it isn’t!”
John Dory looked at his little brother with tear filled eyes and exhaled shakily. “I… I thought about ending it…”
Wait what?
“What?”
“I was alone for too long and everything just built up and I couldn’t take it anymore… you guys weren’t a burden, you were just kids and I hurt you… You guys were just… better without me around. I hated knowing I hurt you guys, I hated that I let our moms down… I just didn’t want to feel it anymore… a-and… I thought that maybe you’d all be happier if I wasn’t… alive. And sometimes I wish I died that day and not our moms…”
Holy shit.
Floyd covered his eyes with his hand and sniffled before taking a deep breath. “Wow… that… w-what happened, then…?”
“… Rhonda showed up.” John Dory said before his drunken mind had him giggling at he absurdity of the response. “Which is stupid, I know, but she saved me. I was at some cliff and ready to jump but she showed up and cuddled near me because someone thing startled her and she thought me, a random guy, would protect her. And I did. And I guess I took that as a sign to… keep going, I guess. She was just as lonely and scared as me and we just clicked. And we traveled the world together. She’s been there for me ever since that day.”
Floyd smiled sadly. “It’s not stupid. I’m glad you had her to take care of you…”
“Yeah… and getting your letter was a good push cause it was a chance for me to fix things… I mean, now I know you didn’t write it but it was still that same feeling.“
Floyd nodded before he thought about everything John Dory just told him and lied there in silence before speaking. “It’s not true. About it being your fault they’re gone. There’s nothing you could’ve done. None of us could have saved them that day.”
“That’s what people keep saying but…”
“The feeling never truly goes away… I know… Listen, JD, they only cared about keeping us safe. And they died doing just that. None of that was any of our faults.”
John Dory didn’t answer to that. He just stared at the ceiling blankly.
“And John Dory… don’t you ever say you deserve to be dead or we’d prefer it if you died. We would NEVER want that. I’d rather go through that diamond prison-torture device over and over again than EVER lose you. Bruce snd Clay were the most angry with you but they’d be heartbroken if you died. Branch had already lost people and we would never wanna lose you too.”
John Dory sniffed. “Sorry.”
“You have good things about you, JD… you’re protective, you’re honest, you’re strong… And you did your best raising us. Even if some methods weren’t great, you did your very very best. Grandma barely helped and you pushed through that. You even immediately took action to save me even after we all left on bad terms. I don’t care about the past. I care that you’ve grown and are trying to be a better person.“ Floyd explained. He pressed his cheek against John Dory’s arm and hugged it. “… Only thing is you need to stop being such a goddamn freak and learn to have WAY better people skills.”
John Dory then let out a wet laugh, his voice a little hoarse from all the crying. Floyd smiled in accomplishment.
“I mean it! You’re an asshole and we love you, asshole!”
JD kept laughing, wiping his eyes with his gloved hand. “God, what’d I do to get such amazing brothers?”
“You existed. I think that’s enough…”
They lied there in calm silence before JD’s smile wavered and his eyes watered again. Floyd made no hesitation to hug him tightly. JD hid his face in his little brother’s neck and sobbed hard. Floyd held him tightly.
Floyd remembered when he was only a few months old. Floyd would cry constantly, it was almost never ending. It was hell for Clay and Bruce but for John Dory…? He was just a child but he didn’t hesitate at all to go to Floyd’s crib and make sure he was okay before getting him back to sleep. Their moms would come in right when Floyd would fall asleep and be so surprised their child managed to calm down a baby.
Floyd just remembers how seeing his big brother watching over him made him so calm. He felt safe. Because he knew he was when JD was around.
And that stayed for years. Whenever Floyd felt scared, no matter how old he was, John Dory took care of him. He’d drop everything for Floyd…
Floyd wishes John Dory saw himself the way Floyd did and that he didn’t hide all of these horrible feelings from him…
“I could’ve lost you…” JD’s voice cracked.
“You didn’t. Cause you guys saved me.” Floyd replied matter-of-factly, hopefully to hammer it into his brother’s thick skull. “And I’m not going anywhere…”
“… Why couldn’t they be there? Why aren’t they here…?”
“I wish I knew. But I miss them too, JD… and you may not believe me but you and the others are the best things they could’ve ever made… losing any of you instead of them wouldn’t have saved me any grief…”
JD let out a soft sob. “You’re so much like them… sometimes I wonder if they see me through you guys… and I just… wonder what they’re seeing…“
Floyd pulled away to cup his brother’s face in both hands. “If they do… then I think they see someone they’re very proud of… someone who learned and changed… and someone who survived so much loss and grief because he’s so strong.”
And that triggered another wave of tears as JD squeezed Floyd into another hug. Finally, Floyd felt his own eyes water and he hugged his brother tight, sniffling into his hair.
“Thank you…” John Dory said. “I love you so much…”
“… I love you more…”
“I love you most.”
Floyd sniffled and pulled himself together to look at his brother again. “And next time, don’t wait till you’re drunk and crying to air out all of this… and when you wake up tomorrow, are sober and hopefully remember everything… we’ll talk more. And maybe you can talk to our brothers about it too… I’m sure they’d appreciate it and have some stuff to tell you too…”
“… Yeah…” John Dory mumbled sleepily. He yawned and rubbed his wet eyes. Looks like the alcohol and tears were finally catching up to him. It wasn’t long until he was softly snoring away.
Floyd giggled then felt himself get drowsy. He slowly began falling asleep himself. He buried his face into his brother’s hair and finally drifted off to sleep.
——————
John Dory woke up the next morning with a bit of a headache but he was relatively fine. His eyes were still a little bloodshot from the crying and he just felt so tired.
He smelled breakfast cooking and he looked up at who it was. Floyd.
Oh. Right. That wasn’t just a weird drunken dream he had.
“Floyd… uh… hey…”
“Hey.” Floyd replied softly, looking up from making breakfast. “Hungry?”
“Definitely…”
“It’ll be ready in a sec. Coffee is right next to you.”
“Oh— thanks…” John Dory sat up and took a small sip of his coffee. He watched as Floyd hummed to himself and prepped their breakfast like it was a dance.
John Dory just felt so weird after last night. And he didn’t know why Floyd wasn’t bringing anything up… Did JD have to?
… He probably did. Dammit.
“Um— F-Floyd…?”
“Mhmm…?”
“… Can we… um… can we talk about what happened last night…?”
Floyd turned to his big brother and smiled reassuringly. “Of course…”
“Great.” John Dory sighed and smiled. “Cause… I still have a few things to talk about…”
Floyd walked over to him and handed him a plate of eggs, bacon and toast. “I’m all ears. We actually have a LOT to talk about. But first make sure you eat, okay?”
“Yeah. Okay.”
“And I’m here for you. Alright?”
“Yeah… thanks, Floyd…”
Floyd sat on the mattress and watched JD eat for a few seconds before speaking. “I’m proud of you.”
John Dory looked up at him for a moment in slight surprise, toast still in his mouth. He swallows his food and chuckled. “For what?”
“For making it this far.”
JD then felt himself get choked up all over again and he covered it up with a chuckle. “Oh… thanks…“