Work Text:
It's a friday night, Eddie had just got off of a long shift and, as usual, he's sat on Evan Buckleys couch, a cold beer being pressed into his palm and a basketball game on the tv that they both pretend to be interested in.
In reality, Buck stares at the tv while Eddie stares at him, though Bucks mind isn't focused on the game instead focused on willing his cheeks not to blush as the feel of Eddies eyes steadily boring in to him makes the heat rise and rise. Until he feels like a volcano about to explode.
Although, that is most definitely a usual thing when he's around Eddie; feeling like he's about to explode. In more ways than one. It's almost as if there's a constant gaping black hole in his chest, a sucking wound, that only Eddie could fill.
Whenever Eddie is around, sleeping off drunken nights on Bucks couch or even just as a simple text popping up on Bucks phone, Buck feels as if Eddies aura draws him in close. Like a snake pulling in it's prey until it's safe enough to strike, wrapping and entangling itself around Buck until there's not an ounce of air left over in his lungs. Not a thought in his brain that isn't consumed with desire, not a muscle in his body that doesn't ache and beg for Eddies touch.
It fills Bucks head in the best and worst of ways, consuming his entire being until he's nothing more than a lovestruck, doped up boy. Foggy head and longing stares. As if Eddie is a drug and Buck is cursed to keep relapsing over and over, for all of eternity.
Buck clears his throat suddenly, reaching forward to grab the remote off of the coffee table. He presses the power button and watches as the screen goes black, staring at his reflection as Eddie shifts beside him. When Buck finally looks over at Eddie he's staring at his own thighs, fingers picking at a frayed edge of his jeans. Jeans that Buck had bought him for Christmas, along with a bottle of cologne that Eddie always complimented when Buck wore it. Buck noticed that that cologne, his cologne, has become sort of like Eddies signature scent.
Especially if they haven't seen each other in a few days, work schedules or family getting in the way of the two bestfriends usual daily encounters, it's as if Eddie drowns himself in that cologne. As if he desperately needs the air he breathes to smell like Buck, as if he needs to choke on the smell of him just to get through the day.
Buck, though, decides not to pay much attention to this fact.
"Need another beer?" Eddie offers, raising his head to meet Bucks eyes. Buck looks over at his beer, sitting on the coffee table complete with cap. Unopened.
"Um, no. I'm good." Buck answers, a laugh tilting his voice into a high pitch.
"Right." Embarrassment soars through Eddie, painting his face with a pretty blush that Buck tries not to notice. But he does, Bucks eyes forcing him to drink in the man in front of him. As it usually goes when he's with Eddie.
Buck tries to get over his silly crush, he really does he swears it. He tried to distance himself once, lasting a whole whopping thirty minutes before calling Eddie and inviting himself over to a pizza night with Christopher at their place.
He tried to get over him by getting under others, girls usually flocking to him and leaving the options anything but limited. But he hates how that makes him feel, as if he is nothing but a body to pleasure. As if the women crawling into his bed are nothing but bodies to use. He's not like that, not anymore.
So, that front obviously didn't work either. As a last resort he even tried to push Eddie into dating, too. But Eddie seems to have some sort of aversion to pretty women, often ruining things before they even begin.
But, really, who can blame him for having a crush? Especially when Eddie has such pretty eyes, and such pretty arms that he can just imagine pining him down when he gets too sassy and- Okay, he's getting off track now. The point is that he's just going to have to deal with his crush until it goes away on it's own because he's tried all he can think of.
It's not that he has a problem with crushing on guys, either. Sure he's a notorious lady's man but he's an equal opportunity player, he's been known to pull in a lot of guys who want to 'experiment'. He accepted his sexuality by the time he was twenty. No, he doesn't go around telling people but honestly he doesn't feel the need to. He's comfortable in his sexuality and if others feel like they just need to know what, or who, he gets up to, well, that seems like a them problem.
So, he is okay with the fact that he has a crush on a guy, it's just that it's Eddie.
Eddie who is the closest thing he has to a confidant, Eddie whose son is basically like his own, Eddie who literally passed out because a girl was getting too serious. If he speaks on his crush and Eddie doesn't feel the same way then this thing that they have, whatever it is, is ruined.
Besides Maddie Eddie is the most important person in his life, so he's fine to keep quiet while his passion burns away at his veins. He's okay with swallowing down the pang in his chest whenever a girl flirts with Eddie in front of him, he's even okay with hearing Eddie gush about whatever new girl crush he has before he inevitably panics and ruins things because 'things are moving too fast'.
Which is to say that things are not moving fast at all but Eddie simply has unresolved commitment issues.
Not that he'd believe Buck if he told him so.
But, as long as at the end of the day he still gets to be the one that sits by Eddies side, uncapping cold beers for him as they decompress from whatever hectic or qui- low action shift they had, then he'll be fine with anything.
"Any plans for the weekend?" Eddie asks, taking a sip of his drink as he raises his eyebrows, forehead crinkling in a way that Buck is obsessed with.
It's a stupid question in hindsight, they had just spent the last twenty-four hours rushing into emergencies and literally holding peoples lives in their hands. Bucks weekend will be filled with trashy fast food, the comfort of his bed with the promise of sleep hanging in the background and probably jerking off. Maybe to the thought of his bestfriend. Something that he'll surely feel great shame for as soon as he's finished, before the cum on his stomach even has a chance to dry.
Yet, every time his hands start to slide down his stomach, fingers wiggling into his pants as his body practically begs for any type of friction, his mind starts to wander to the thought of Eddie. Specifically of Eddie doing things to him that would make the most open minded man blush. He wonders if his touches would be soft, unsure, or if they would be firm and filled with that cocky type of arrogance that Eddie seems to carry around with him at all times. He thinks it's the latter, the thought alone makes him shudder.
Eddie looks at him weirdly as he does so.
Buck can feel his blood rise to his face, searing his flesh as he clears his throat. His tongue darts out to wet his lips as he shrugs. "Not much. How about you, anything exciting?"
Eddie hates how his heart beats faster at Bucks movements. He knows he shouldn't be having these types of thoughts about Buck but, well, Buck has been his rock through so much. He genuinely doesn't know where he'd be right now if it wasn't for Buck and his insistent meddling.
So, he supposes, his brain must have confused his gratitude towards Buck with something more.
It has been too long since he's been on a date and between the weekly Friday night hangouts at Bucks house, while Christopher is either with Carla or at some friends sleepover, and their work his entire social circle seems to revolve around Buck. No, scratch that, his entire social circle IS Buck.
So his brain must've gotten some wires crossed because there is absolutely no way that the things he's feeling are right, natural. They just aren't.
He's not saying that two men can't like each other, of course they can. But he's just not.. like that. He loves women, always has. Hell, he was one of those teens with posters of half naked women on his wall. But Buck had bought a new beer for them to try, one that's supposed to be 'healthier' somehow (Bucks idea, obviously). The beer, though, is salty and it's making Buck lick his lips, constantly. And Eddies stupid brain is short-circuiting because all he can seem to think about is how nice his lips look.
Soft and pink and almost plush, like they're made of velvet, and suddenly he really wants to know what they would feel like against his own. If they would feel as soft as they look or if possibly Bucks hands would grab at him, pulling him in closer until the kiss is suddenly harsh, firm and impossibly possessive.
So, no, Eddie isn't like that. Truly. It's just that maybe, the possibility only having a slight chance, he might have a crush.
Just a tiny one, nothing that would make him do anything too crazy. Like make Buck the legal guardian of his child if anything ever happens to him.
Except he did, and Buck accepted that responsibility without blinking an eye. Hell, he barely trusted Shannon to care for Christopher when she was back in their life, may God rest her soul. But, Buck? There is not a bone in his body or a braincell in his head that makes him doubt that Buck is the perfect choice for Christopher.
He's patient and kind and he has already proven that he'd do whatever it takes to keep Christopher safe even if that means putting himself in danger.
Eddie, for as long as he could remember and possibly even before that, has never had anyone he could rely on as much as he can Buck. For that he is eternally grateful, so grateful in fact that he just wants to grab Bucks idiotically big head and kiss him senseless. Until Buck realizes just how much Eddie appreciates him.
Not that he will do that, again he isn't like that. His brain simply misconstrued some things. That has to be the only explanation. Because the way he is feeling about Buck right now, hell the way he's felt about Buck for a long time, is something that he can never act on.
He simply can't take that chance.
So, really, it's no wonder that he has a tiny, baby, so microscopically small that you can barely see it, crush on Buck.
It's not like anything will come of it, Buck would never see him that way. He's sure of it.
Then the nasty, salty, healthy beer must start effecting him because suddenly his mouth is opening before his stupid brain can stop it and he's saying, "I wish you were a girl."
Buck chokes on his sip of beer, coughing a few times before slapping his chest. He really feels like he should do a spit take but he somehow holds himself back.
He looks over at Eddie with furrowed brows, a concerned line forming between them. "What did you just say?"
It's a good question because even Eddie himself doesn't know why the hell he would say that.
Now his heart is beating so hard against his chest that he feels like if he were to look surely there'd be a bruise forming. That can't be healthy, truly it can't. He'll ask Hen tomorrow, obviously he'll hold back that it was Buck making him feel this way because then Hen will tell Chimney and, well, Chimneys big mouth will make sure that half the town knows by lunch.
He tries to play it off as a joke, laughing a bit despite the lack of humor lacing around the breathy sound. "I don't know, I just think we'd make a good couple." He takes a shaky breath. "You know, if you were a girl."
Buck goes silent, his body rigid as if the bubble they've surrounded themselves with would pop and come crashing down at the slightest movement. Eddie feels that fear bubbling, buzzing and boiling in his veins, that fear that tells him 'That's it, you've done it again, successfully ruined another good thing in your life. Congratulations!'.
It's an awful fear to have and it's one that cuts deep, so deep that he feels as if the words have sharp claws and bloodied teeth that sink themselves into his flesh. One that rips and claws at his muscles until they've burrowed themselves into his bones.
The fear ripples through him, paralyzing him as his brain desperately wishes he could grab those words and shove them back down into his throat. Until they're nestled down deep enough to where they would never see the light of day again. But, of course, he can't. No matter how much he may wish it to be he can't turn back, he has to live with what he said. Live with that look Buck is giving him now, with pouted lips and sad eyes.
As if Eddie is something to be pitied.
Eddie can't focus on that look for long, turning away as he stares at his feet, eyes trailing the hole in his black socks. The same ones that Carla keeps begging him to throw away. He's not allowed to stew in his thoughts for long as Buck shifts in his seat, leaning over and grabbing Eddies chin, forcing Eddie to look over at him before he has a chance to chicken out.
Eddie catches Bucks eyes, lined with soft lashes that he longs to feel brushing softly against his own cheeks as he kisses him. Bucks eyes flick down to Eddies lips, tongue darting out to lick over his own. Eddies eyes flutter closed at that, a soft sigh escaping him as he refuses to believe that Buck doesn't know exactly what he was doing with those actions.
Eddies eyes open once more and he's about to pull away, maybe make a self deprecating joke and say some excuse to go to the bathroom or grab another beer. Anything to get out of this hole that he dug himself.
But, to his surprise he doesn't have to pull himself out of that hole by jagged broken fingernails like he always had to before. Because Buck is throwing down a rope. A rope in the shape of him leaning closer until his soft, oh so soft, lips are pressed against his own.
It takes a moment for Eddie to convince himself that he isn't dreaming, that this isn't some alcohol induced daydream, but when he finally does he kisses back. And, oh, the kiss is firm but Bucks lips are still soft, moving against his own as if they were meant to be there.
Somewhere deep down Eddie knows that this might be a mistake. That tomorrow morning, when they both have clear heads, Buck might regret this. That this one action has the ability to tear down everything they've built together.
But, Eddie can't really bring himself to care, what's done is done. There's no going back now so he settles for committing the feel of Bucks lips to memory. If it's the only time he gets to feel it he wants to remember every morsel of detail.
Bucks lips are firmly pressing against his own, taking charge, and Eddie can tell that Buck hasn't shaved in a few days as the scruff on his chin irritates his own. But the itchy feeling is nice, unfamiliar but euphoric in the weirdest way. Bucks hand rises to rest on Eddies jaw, warm and heavy just as he expected.
Of course Eddie has felt Bucks hands before, passing him a beer or a package of gauze, but not like this. Never with Bucks thumb tenderly caressing his jawline. Though, the action brings goosebumps cascading down his skin and the feeling is anything but unwelcome.
Buck pulls away first, much to Eddies great disappointment as he could've stayed right there for the rest of his life and died a very happy man.
When Buck pulls away his eyes are wide, like he can't believe his own actions and there's a sense of panic in his rushed breathing. Eddie desperately wants to calm him down but he doesn't know how, so he does the only thing he can think of which is to pull Buck back in. Kissing away the pout on his lips and breathing in the sigh that Buck lets out, feeling as his ridged muscles soften, relax under Eddies touch.
Eddie backs away this time, rolling his lips into his mouth for a second as his eyes drink in Bucks reaction trying to decipher anything from Bucks body language. When he fails to do so he begins a questionnaire. "Are you okay? Was- Was that okay? I didn't mean, or I guess I did, I don't-"
He's quieted by Bucks lips being pressed into his own. "Shut up." Buck is mumbling into his mouth and, okay, yeah he can do that.
Eddies hands trail up Bucks back, his fingers digging into the soft flesh of Bucks shoulders before sliding up and entangling his fingers into Bucks short hair. Almost on instinct Eddie pulls, just enough to get Buck to tilt his head back, and Buck lets out a groan vibrating onto Eddies lips. Not enough to hurt him, never enough to hurt Buck. Eddie would rather die than be yet another person to disappoint Buck.
Of course Bucks groan just spurs Eddie on, making him pull at Bucks hair again as he slips his tongue across Bucks lower lip. Bucks hand comes to rest on Eddies hip, fingers digging and squeezing the fatty flesh there. The kiss itself is desperate, as if each is trying to drink the other in, drown themselves in the feel and the taste of a boy they definitely shouldn't be kissing.
They're broken up by the shrill sound of Eddies phone ringing, Eddie clearing his throat as he answers and decidingly NOT looking at Buck.
"Hello?" He asks as he raises the phone up to his ear, he can hear Buck shifting around on the couch behind him but Eddie seems to find the rug beneath his feet to be far more interesting.
"Hey, sorry to bother you but Christopher had a nightmare and he's asking for you. I tried to settle him down myself but-" Carla doesn't get the rest of her words out as Eddie cuts her off.
"No it's fine, I'll be there soon." Eddie hums as Carla tells him to drive safe, shutting his phone off and securing its place in his back pocket.
"Gotta go, huh?" Buck asks, although he already knows the answer, a sad thing weaving into his voice.
"Yeah." Eddie breaths out, eyes falling anywhere but Bucks face.
"I, uh, I hope I didn't weird you out." Buck stutters out, shifting his weight from one foot to another.
Eddie can't help but to let out a short laugh as he notices it. "You're a fidgeter, you now."
"What?" Buck asks, a pout forming on his lips as he furrows his brows in confusion despite the laugh he lets out himself at the absurdity of Eddies comment.
Only Eddie, of course, would comment on something so trivial when much more important things hang in the balance.
"You're a fidgeter." Eddie repeats before deciding to grace Buck with a clarification. "You're always fidgeting, moving."
"Oh."
"Yeah." Eddie shoves his hands in his pockets, shuffling awkwardly. "You didn't, uh, weird me out or whatever by the way."
"No?" Buck confirms, a smile tugging at his lips as he reaches over to poke at Eddies shoulder, Eddie jolting back dramatically as if Bucks movement had done any real damage.
"No." Eddie swats his hand away, catching Bucks hand with his own as he does so, intertwining their fingers as he looks down at them. He squeezes Bucks hand before letting his thumb trace over his skin. "No."
"So, does this mean, uh, you'd like to do this again sometime?" Buck asks, swaying himself side to side as he practically gushes over Eddie, smile wide and cheeks heated up like the sun.
Eddie can't help to admire it, Bucks smile always able to light up even the darkest of rooms. How someone could ever hurt the bubbly boy in front of him, he doesn't know. Buck, in his opinion, deserves nothing but love, affection and maybe a blowjob or two.
Of course, in true Eddie fashion instead of talking about his feelings he pushes them down and makes a dumb joke in it's place. But Buck doesn't mind this one bit, in fact he likes every part of Eddie. Even the annoying parts of him. Especially those.
Eddie snorts. "What, drinking bad beer or making out?"
Buck pretends to think for a second before shrugging, "I don't know. Both?"
Eddie smiles at this answer, finally dropping their hands. "Yeah, I'd like that."
"Yeah." Buck agrees as he leans in to press another kiss to Eddies lips, something he swears that he will never get used to. "Me too."