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Sam was just settling in with his battered copy of East of Eden when his phone started to buzz. He reached out blindly and picked it up, glancing at the screen just long enough to see that it was Loki calling.
“Hey,” he said. “Bored of the party already?"
"Er - hello, is this Sam Winchester?"
Sam sat up straighter at the unfamiliar voice. He doubted Loki would let go of his phone easily, and much as he tried to tell himself it was probably nothing - it was Loki, and that frequently meant it wasn't nothing. "Yeah,” he said, “who’s this?"
"Steve Rogers,” said the voice on the other end of the line, and oh, he did know that voice, just hadn’t recognized it over the phone and away from the others in his little group of friends. “I, um-”
“Where’s Loki?” Sam demanded, aware of the suspicion in his voice and not really ashamed of it.
“He’s here,” Steve said. “But he’s not exactly…"
"Sam!” Sam heard, in the background. Loki’s voice, unmistakably, but it slurred oddly, and he sounded…cheerful. “Is that Sam? I want to talk to Sam. I love Sam. Mmm. I feel good.”
Sam jerked to his feet. “Is he - on something?”
“It seems like it,” Steve said. “But he won’t tell me what and he’s still coherent, so…”
Sam squeezed his eyes closed. “I’ll come pick him up,” he said. “Will you be okay for ten minutes?"
"I think so,” Steve said, sounding more rueful than anything. “He’s not really any trouble. Just kind of…floppy. And talkative."
Loki was never going to forgive himself for this, Sam thought. He headed for the door. "I’ll be right over.”
“We’re in a room at the back of the house,” Steve said. “Sorry to bother you, but…I’m having a hard time convincing him he needs to go home.
The party - some kind of birthday celebration for one of Loki’s acquaintances - was still in full swing when Sam got there. He wove his way through a large number of drunken students until he found the room Steve had mentioned. He knocked on the door and a moment later it opened, Steve poking his head out. He looked more disheveled than Sam had ever seen him.
"Oh, thank God,” Steve said, and gave Sam a small smile. “I was just about to call you again.”
Sam felt a stab of fear. “Did Loki get worse?"
"Not…exactly.” Steve ducked back inside, motioning Sam in. “He’s just a little…I don’t know if he has a whole lot of boundaries right now."
Sam looked over at the bed, where Loki was stretched out, his face pressed into a wad of blue cloth. Sam could just hear faint humming noises of pleasure coming from him, and looked back at Steve, hoping the question was obvious. Steve’s face reddened a little.
"He was being a little - handsy. He seems to be into interesting textures right now, so I thought…” He made a vague gesture, and Sam nodded and walked over. Steve hovered behind him. Sam supposed he might find this funny, but it was oddly…alarming, seeing his collected and composed roommate so…undone.
“Hey, Loki,” Sam said. “How’s it going?"
Loki pulled Steve’s sweater sharply away from his face. "Sam!” He exclaimed, face breaking into a wide smile. “Now you’re here too? That’s good. You’re good. Sit down, you’re too high.” He made a grab for Sam’s arm and missed by a mile, then frowned at his own fingers. “My hands look weird. Do they look weird to you?"
"Loki,” Sam said, going carefully down to his knees to be more at Loki’s level. “Can you tell me if - did you take something?"
"No,” Loki said, promptly. “No, I didn’t take anything. I quit that stuff. Or, I mean, I guess I’m recovering. Recovering addict. That’s the terminology, right?"
Sam tried not to be too aware of Steve standing just behind him. Steve who Loki had a thing for that he was too scared to cop to. "Hey,” Sam said, reaching out to touch Loki’s shoulder. “You don’t have to lie to me. I’m not going to be mad."
"I’m not lying!” Loki’s voice rose, slightly, and his eyes opened, head turning to look directly at Sam. “I didn't take anything. I don’t - I didn’t-”
Sam caught the flash of fear through Loki’s eyes, very briefly before it was drowned and Loki stretched out a hand to pet Sam’s hair. Sam tried not to draw back, though he did feel himself tense.
“He said the same thing to me,” Steve said, sounding frustrated. “But it’s obvious-”
“No,” Sam said, “no, I think he’s telling the truth, sort of. He didn’t take anything. That doesn’t mean someone didn’t give Loki something."
Steve stiffened. "You mean someone drugged him?”
“Yeah,” Sam said grimly. “That’s what I mean.” Loki’s hand dropped from Sam’s hair.
“Someone should touch me,” Loki said wistfully. “It feels so nice when someone touches me.” He gave Sam a look that was almost pitifully plaintive. Sam looked to Steve.
Steve who was standing by the door with his fists clenched looking truly angry. “Someone here,” he said. “Someone here drugged Loki?”
“Don’t be angry, Steve,” Loki murmured, and then, sounding worried, “is he angry at me? Steve, are you angry with me?"
"No,” Steve said, vehemently, and Loki flinched. Sam reached out to smooth his hair back off his forehead where it was starting to curl. He felt warm, and his breathing was fast and shallow, but he was still talking and roughly coherent.
“No, Loki,” Sam said, more quietly. “He’s not mad at you. No one’s mad at you. Do you want to come home with me? You can lie down on the couch with the nice fleece blanket.”
“Mmm. Is Steve coming?”
“No,” Sam said gently. “Just me.”
“That’s too bad,” Loki murmured, his eyes half closing. “Steve is good too. Like you. But that sounds good. Fleece blanket. We can look for patterns on the ceiling.”
Sam looked at Steve, who still looked like he was trying to control his temper. “How long has he been like this?"
"I noticed maybe two hours ago,” Steve said. “I should’ve called earlier - is he going to be okay?"
"I think so,” Sam said. “You did a good thing keeping an eye on him. I’ll wait the rest of this out, unless it gets a lot worse. He should be fine tomorrow.”
“Okay.” Steve set his jaw. “I’m going to see if I can find out who would do something like this."
"There’s probably no way of knowing,” Sam said, sitting down on the side of the bed to work on hauling Loki up. He was pliant, at least, but almost limp enough to be dead weight. “It’s probably an accident."
"Happy accident,” Loki interjected, and giggled. Steve gave him a worried look.
“Is he…you know…” Steve cleared his throat. “What he said about the addiction. Is this going to screw that up?"
Probably, Sam wanted to say, brutally honest. Yes. But he wasn’t sure Loki would want him to say that, so he just shrugged, trying to suppress his own anger that some stupid stunt might fuck Loki over for weeks, if he was lucky.
"Goodbye, Loki,” Steve said, after a moment, and added to Sam, “can I stop by tomorrow, to see how he’s doing?"
"Yes,” Loki said, sounding enthusiastic again, before Sam could answer. “Stop by. We can cuddle. You smell like cloves. I like it.” He grinned, bright and guileless and young in a way that made Sam’s chest hurt a little, because Loki never looked like that.
Steve gave Sam an uncomfortable, uncertain look. “I…yeah. All right. I’ll come by.”
Sam gave Steve an apologetic smile, putting Loki’s arm around his neck. “Sorry,” he said. Loki’s head dropped onto Sam’s shoulder and he hummed.
“Don’t be sorry, Sam,” Loki said. “Good Sam.”
“It’s fine,” Steve said, and opened the door. “Do you, uh, want any help getting him home?"
"No,” Sam said, though he probably could have used it. Loki was going to hate this enough already, and Sam didn’t want to make his shame worse. “It’s fine. We’ll manage."
Sam just hoped he could manage the wreckage this would leave, too.
The walk home was slow and difficult. Loki rambled aimlessly almost the whole way, talking at Sam and not seeming to care that he wasn’t getting much of a response. Sam dragged him upstairs to the apartment and tried to get him settled on the couch, but Loki wouldn’t let go, rubbing his nose in Sam’s shoulder and making contented little noises.
"You’re good to me,” Loki mumbled into Sam’s shoulder. “Sometimes I wonder why but I think you’re just nice. And good. You’re good. So is Steve. I tried to kiss him earlier but he wouldn’t let me, but he was nice about it, at least, and he didn’t go away.” Loki let out a loud sigh. Sam felt himself wince and ran his fingers into Loki’s hair, which sent his roommate into near paroxysms of bliss.
Eventually, Loki started to droop, and fell asleep on Sam’s shoulder around five in the morning. Sam eased him down so he was curled on his side, standing up slowly (cramped muscles protesting) and put a blanket over him, rubbing his face, then went and made himself a cup of coffee.
Loki slept for maybe six hours before he woke up bleary-eyed and confused. “Why’m I on the couch,” he said, and Sam closed East of Eden, wondering if it would be kinder to lie. Loki’s eyebrows knitted. “I don’t…remember coming home,” he said, and that sounded thoroughly disconcerted.
“What do you remember?” Sam asked. Loki paused.
“The party…it was fairly dull. Steve was there and we spoke, briefly, but…” He trailed off, and Sam saw the moment when he remembered, eyes widening.
“It looks like someone must have spiked something,” Sam said. “It seems like it was just you, but I could be wrong about that.”
Loki’s expression flickered between anger and shame and something deeper and more miserable. “So I was - oh god. And you had to come pick me up because I was high as a fucking kite.” Loki’s hands came up to cover his face and he let out a hollow sounding laugh. “Wonderful. That’s just - wonderful."
"It’s fine,” Sam said, firmly. “It wasn’t your choice, all right? This is on somebody else, some jackass who probably thought this would be funny. It’s not about you."
"I’ve been clean for five years and this is what breaks that streak,” Loki said, not removing his hands from his face.
“It’s not your fault,” Sam said, though it sounded weak. Loki scoffed.
“Steve,” he said, after a long moment, and there was a kind of heavy dread in his voice. “Steve was there, wasn’t he. I…remember that."
"He called me,” Sam said. Loki’s lips quirked, but it wasn’t really an amused expression.
“Of course he did. No doubt he didn’t want to deal with me draping myself all over him and babbling nonsense.” An odd, hitching sort of noise came from Loki’s throat, half sob and half laughter. “I made an utter and complete fool of myself. Just as I always wanted."
"Loki,” Sam said, but Loki put an arm over his eyes and shook his head.
“I’m sorry, Sam,” he said, and the profoundly unhappy note in his voice hurt a little. “I should not have burdened you with…this. Me. I suppose I should find the chance to apologize to Rogers as well, for trying to…” He trailed off. “He must be disgusted by me,” Loki added, quieter.
“I don’t know,” Sam said. “He sounded worried to me. Maybe he just didn’t want to take advantage of you."
"Of course he sounded worried. He’s a decent human being.” Loki exhaled through his nose. “It doesn’t matter.”
“He said he was going to come by to check on you,” Sam said. Loki turned over, pressing his face into the couch, and didn’t answer.
Loki moped around the house most of the morning, very deliberately not looking toward the door. He was wearing an oversized grey sweatshirt and sweatpants, his hair disheveled, so far from his usual state of impeccable grooming that it made Sam very nervous. He tried gingerly to ask how Loki was doing, but Loki just snapped at him and then gave Sam the cold shoulder.
Sam wasn’t sure how to express it wasn’t your fault again without sounding patronizing, so he settled for making Loki a hot cup of his favorite tea and leaving it on the corner of the table before backing off.
Steve came over around eleven. Loki jumped at the knock on the door and then turned and stared at it like a deer in headlights. Sam waited, but when Loki neither moved nor verbally objected he went and answered the door.
“Hey,” Steve said. His hands were pushed into his pockets and he gave Sam a small smile. “Um…is it…an okay time?”
Sam turned his head and found that Loki had vacated the living room without making a sound. He sighed. “Come on in,” he said, stepping back and opening the door wider. “It’s fine.”
Steve stepped inside and looked around. “Nice place,” he said politely. Privately, Sam wondered if he would’ve said the same if they lived in absolute squalor.
“Thanks,” he said politely, noting with some approval that at least Loki had taken the mug with him before fleeing. “Want anything? Water, orange juice…”
“I’m fine,” Steve said. “Is Loki…is he here?”
“Yeah,” Sam said slowly. “He’s here.”
Steve looked nervous. “And is he…all right?”
As much as he can be, Sam thought, but he didn’t think Loki would want him to give that answer. “He’ll be fine. Loki’s resilient. He’s not happy, obviously, but…yeah.” Sam shrugged, examined Steve, and took a slightly dangerous risk. “I think he’s awake and in his room, if you want to talk to him.”
Steve rubbed the back of his head, a nervous gesture. “Do you think that’d…you know. Be a good idea? I mean - I don’t want to embarrass him.”
Sam felt a charitable warmth toward the guy. He hadn’t really thought Steve would hold Loki’s behavior against him, but that he wasn’t beating it right away might mean he actually cared, and that put him in Sam’s good books. “He might be a little prickly,” Sam said, “but I think he might appreciate it, nonetheless.”
“Right,” Steve said. He hesitated. “I think…I have a few guesses about who targeted Loki. Nothing concrete yet, but…”
“I wouldn’t tell Loki if I were you,” Sam said. “Could be bad.” Steve opened his mouth and then closed it, apparently gathering enough from Sam’s tone.
“Which one’s his door?” He asked instead.
“First one on the left,” Sam said, and then stepped back and watched Steve go down the hall and knock lightly on Loki’s door.
“Hey, Loki? It’s Steve,” Sam heard, half trying not to eavesdrop. “I wanted to stop by, make sure you were doing okay…”
A long silence. Sam held his breath, letting it out at length when he heard the door open. “I am fine,” Loki said, his voice audibly stiff. “Your concern is…kind.”
“I guess,” Steve said. “I was just…worried. You seemed pretty…”
“Fucked up?” Loki’s laugh was full of edges, and Sam tried not to wince. “Yeah. Nothing new for me.”
Silence, for a moment, and Sam grimaced. Then Steve said, “I don’t know. I think that’s a little harsh. Especially since it wasn’t your idea.”
“You know that, do you?” Oh, Loki, Sam thought with exasperation. Predictable as always. The minute someone started taking his side…
“I do,” Steve said. He didn’t sound shaken. It occurred to Sam belatedly that he probably shouldn’t eavesdrop, but well… “You said so.”
“And I never lie.” Silence, and Sam could almost picture the look Steve was giving his roommate. “Steve…” Loki’s voice briefly betrayed some emotion, but then it went back to flat stiffness. “I am fine. Thank you for your concern.”
“You’re welcome,” Steve said, after a moment. “If you’re sure. Is there anything…I can do?”
“No,” Loki said, distantly. “It is fine.” He paused. “I am…sorry. To have inconvenienced you.”
“Incon-” Steve sounded a little incredulous. “You didn’t - I mean. It wasn’t aninconvenience. I hardly did anything. Sam was the one who got you home and figured out what was going on. All I did was-”
“Look after me, by my understanding.” Sam could hear the lopsided smile in Loki’s voice. “I may not remember much clearly, but I know I was in a…state. If you had not intervened, it is entirely possible the evening could have had far less pleasant results. And I do not think you attended expecting to have to play babysitter.”
“I didn’t mind,” Steve said, sounding almost awkward. “You aren’t…bad company.” He paused. “You’re sure you’re okay? There’s nothing I can…get you, do…”
Come on, Sam willed. Come on, you moron.
“There is some chamomile tea in the kitchen,” Loki said after a moment. “Perhaps you could…”
“I’ll bring you a mug,” Steve said quickly.
“Bring two,” Loki said, after a moment. “And tell Sam to stop eavesdropping, while you’re out there.” Sam winced and hurried over to the couch, trying to look like he’d been reading all along. A moment later Steve emerged and glanced over at him, looking somewhere between relieved and more anxious. Sam flashed him a thumbs up and Steve’s ears went red. “Second cabinet from the left,” he said. “It’s the one in the tin with the cats.”
Steve’s eyebrows went up. “Got it,” he said. After a moment, he asked, “how’d I do?”
“You’re doing fine, soldier,” Sam said, half teasing. “Great, really.”
“Seriously?”
He wouldn’t let just anyone see him this close to vulnerable, Sam thought. Wouldn’t ask almost anyone to stay. He really likes you. What about you? Do you like him or are you just being decent? “Yeah,” he said simply. “Seriously.”
Steve, Sam thought, seemed a little pleased.