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1.
Neil had never been prone to nosebleeds as a kid. Really, the only time he had ever gotten one was when his mom would hit him too hard across the face for conspicuous habits he had that made life on the run more difficult. So, when he felt a sluggish trickle of blood from his nose during practice he genuinely didn’t know what it was until he brought his hand away and saw bright red.
“Oh,” he said quietly, dropping his racket and taking his helmet off. They had been running drills, but Kevin was currently telling off the freshmen while Dan stood beside him with her arms crossed, daring them to disagree with the striker.
Matt noticed Neil’s equipment falling to the floor and caught sight of the blood. “Oh, man, you got a nosebleed? I had those as a kid all the time, lemme help you out.”
“I’ve never had one before,” Neil said as an explanation for his cluelessness while Matt shed his own bulky gloves.
“All good,” Matt said, using both hands to tilt Neil’s head backwards. “You do this, voila! Stops the blood flow.”
“Shouldn’t you sit down, too?” Nicky asked. He had stepped up behind them when he saw the blood and Matt coming to help.
Neil shrugged but sat down on the court floor obligingly. Soon enough Dan and Kevin were coming to inquire after Neil’s ailing health, too. Neil almost found it funny how many grown adults it was taking to control a nose bleed. He also felt a little bit claustrophobic, with all of them standing around him like that. Maybe he should ask them to go away. But Nicky had said to sit down. But, Matt was standing awfully close now and it kind of reminded him of the night when—
Kevin made a noise of dissent as he was shoved from behind, and quickly moved out of the way to reveal Andrew. The goalie had taken his own helmet off, and moved to stand in front of Neil.
“Stand up,” he demanded haltingly, but he held out both of his hands to pull Neil to his feet. Without a word to Neil or any of their teammates, Andrew took the striker by one of his arms and led him toward the locker rooms.
“What was that about?” Neil asked, watching Andrew pull a paper towel out of the dispenser and turn back towards him.
Andrew leveled a disinterested stare at him. “You’re not supposed to tilt your head back. You tilt it forward, unless you want to choke on the blood. And you never sit down with a nosebleed.”
Neil blinked. Andrew held the paper towel out to him. Neil took it and put it under his nose, tilting his head forward slightly like Andrew said.
“You’re supposed to pinch just under the bridge of your nose. Harder. You’re not tilting your head forward enough, either.”
Neil raised his eyes to Andrew’s and smiled softly. “Will you do it for me, Drew?”
Andrew rolled his eyes like he was irritated, but immediately took the napkin and placed one hand on the back of Neil’s neck, bringing it forward until his chin rested on his chest. He pinched Neil’s nose with the paper towel, just under the bone. He did it a little roughly, and Neil thought he just didn’t care until Andrew said “Does that hurt?”
Neil shrugged. “I’m fine.”
Andrew loosened his grip anyways.
They were still standing like that when Matt came to find them a couple minutes later.
“Hey, Neil, you okay?” he called from outside the locker room. Andrew tensed and immediately began to relinquish his grip on Neil, but Neil gently held his hands in place.
“Yeah! I’m okay, Dre—Andrew knows what to do.”
“Okay! Kevin’s freaking out.” Matt didn’t wait for a response before letting the door fall shut again and heading back to the court.
Neil met Andrew’s gaze. Andrew scowled. “Staring.”
“I know.”
Andrew kept the paper towel there until Neil’s nose stopped bleeding, and then he threw it in the trash can. He turned back to Neil and leveled him with a cool stare. “Don’t let anyone crowd you like that if you don’t want to be crowded. Even them.”
Neil blinked. “It wasn’t like that.”
“You were panicking, junkie.”
Neil shrugged and picked at a thread on his jersey. “They were just trying to help.”
“Doesn’t matter. Next time, when you feel uncomfortable, tell them to get the hell away from you.”
Neil met his gaze again. “What if I don’t? Or what if they don’t listen?”
“Then I’ll have to make them.”
Neil couldn’t contain a smirk. “Careful. You’re starting to sound protective.”
“I’m also starting to run out of percentages.”
2.
Unfortunately for the Foxes, the Christmas banquet for this year was not in South Carolina. It was actually on the west coast, in California. Which meant that Wymack couldn’t really drive them and they had to go on a plane, instead.
They were in the airport at the baggage drop-off when Allison sidled up behind Neil and Andrew. “Feeling nervous, Andrew?”
Andrew turned to face her with an uninterested look. “Why would I be nervous?”
“Because we’re about to board an airplane. Which will take us in the air. And you’re afraid of heights.” Allison seemed extremely pleased with her own assessment of the situation.
Andrew gave her a look, up and down, very slowly, that would have wilted someone without Allison’s confidence. “No. No, I am not feeling nervous.”
Allison crossed her arms and walked back to the upperclassmen.
Andrew turned to look at Neil. He only considered Neil for a moment before demanding, “How would she know that?”
“I didn’t tell her,” Neil promised.
“Then who did you tell?”
Neil opened his mouth quickly to say no one, but then shut it again. Had he said anything? Maybe something slipped by accident?
Yes. He had said something off-handedly to Dan. Being vice captain had them spending a lot of time together, and he could just barely remember when Dan had asked why he and Andrew liked spending so much time on the roof of Fox Tower. Neil had shrugged, told her that they just liked the view and solidarity. And then, completely as an afterthought, Even though he’s afraid of heights.
“I might have said something. Completely by accident.”
Andrew continued to stare at him, his cold expression asking Neil to continue.
“I might have told Dan that you’re afraid of heights.” Neil said it like the words burned his tongue and couldn’t get out of his mouth fast enough.
The goalie raised an eyebrow. “Might have told or did tell, rabbit?”
Neil cringed. “Did tell.”
Andrew turned and began to walk away. Quickly.
Neil ran to catch up with him, which was easy because Andrew didn’t appear to be in that much of a hurry and was also slightly shorter than him. “Andrew. Drew! I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. It slipped out, and it was just Dan, so—“
Andrew whipped around. “‘Just Dan,’ whose mouth is almost as big as yours, ‘just Dan,’ who has now told the entire team that I’m afraid of heights.”
Neil exhaled heavily. “I know. I know, and I’m sorry. I wouldn’t have told her if I knew she was going to tell Allison. I mean, Renee already knew anyways, didn’t she?”
Andrew glared at him. And Neil realized that no, Renee did not know that Andrew was afraid of heights, and that Neil was the only one he trusted with that information.
Oh.
“Drew, I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have told her that.”
Andrew looked at him blankly for a couple more moments, and Neil thought that he was going to hold onto this grudge forever, until he blew out a breath and said, “Whatever.”
Neil blinked. “It’s okay? You’re good?”
Andrew rolled his eyes. “What’s done is done, junkie, you can’t untell them that I’m afraid of heights.”
“Okay. Okay. So you’re not gonna, like, make me sit somewhere else on the plane? Like, not beside you?”
“No, Neil,” Andrew said, like he was talking to a despondent toddler. “I’m not going to make you sit not beside me on the plane.”
Neil grinned. “Okay.”
On the plane, Neil was beginning to see what an issue this was.
Apparently monsters weren’t supposed to have trivial fears like being thousands of feet in the air, so all of them were quite curious to see how Andrew would react. Never mind that they had been on a plane with him at least three or four other times.
They thought they were very sneaky, too, because they kept stealing covert glances at Andrew and Neil’s row. Every time they did, Neil watched Andrew physically force his hands to still in his lap and his leg to stop jittering up and down. On top of that, Neil knew Andrew would never accept a physical comfort such as a hand to hold with all of them staring like this.
It was enough that Neil almost punched Nicky in the face the next time he turned in his seat to glance at his cousin.
After takeoff, they began to mostly mind their own business. Enough to allow Andrew to fidget with his own hands in his lap.
“They are so nosey sometimes,” Neil huffed quietly.
“I seem to recall a saying,” Andrew said, “about making beds and then lying in them. Or was it living with the consequences of your actions? Oh, wait. They both have the same meaning, and seem to apply to this situation, coincidentally.”
“I already threw myself on your mercies for forgiveness,” said Neil, “and I’m beginning to see there aren’t many of them there.”
“Beginning to? As in, just now realized?” asked Andrew. “You are slower than I thought.”
Neil had to concede this point.
After they got their luggage and loaded the bus Wymack had rented for the drive from the airport to the banquet—much like the one they used in South Carolina—the upperclassmen still hadn’t said anything to Andrew about his apathy on the plane. They also didn’t seem to realize that Andrew had ears and could still hear them talking about him even from the back of the bus.
“I am going to have to find a way to make you shut your mouth, junkie,” Andrew observed astutely.
“I just have so many things to say,” Neil retorted, “and it gets busy sometimes. Distract it with something else?”
Andrew glared at him. “I hate you a lot.”
“You have a funny way of showing it.”
“Yes or no, Josten?”
“Yes.”
3.
“You have lost your mind, Kevin Day.”
“You’ve lost yours! Do you realize how important this is?”
Neil froze as he realized that the conversation Kevin and Andrew were having was about him. The light in the bedroom was off, so all he could see were their silhouettes in the hallway, but they weren’t making much of an effort to be quiet.
“I do realize. Aren’t you the one who’s always grilling us about our physical health? You’re a hypocrite.”
“Physical health is important. But this is important, too, Andrew.”
“More important than Neil spraining his ankle?”
Neil tried not to move and alert them to his wakefulness. Two days ago he had been out on a morning run, and the road was icy from the rain the night prior and the December chill that froze it over. Maybe Neil hadn’t been thinking straight, but he hadn’t expected to slip and wrench his ankle.
“Aaron said he’s fine, and so did Neil himself, so—“
“Aaron said he was fine after Neil said he was fine, and Neil would say he was fine if he got hit by a cement truck on the highway.”
Neil thought he should insert himself into the conversation and defend his own honor.
“You are so singleminded, Minyard. Did you forget he owes over half of his career to the mafia? If he doesn’t play this game and we don’t make it to championships—“
“If you keep behaving like a whiny child I am going to call your father.”
Neil should definitely insert himself.
“Andrew,” he called, and both men stopped talking in favor of turning to the open bedroom door. Neil sat up in his bunk, reaching over to flick the lights on. “It’s fine, I can—“
“If you say you can play in the game right now I will break your crutches over your brainless skull.”
Kevin threw up his hands. “Why won’t you just take him for his word?”
“Because he’s a pathological liar,” Andrew retorted.
Kevin crossed his arms. “You know, Dan agreed that it couldn’t have been that bad of a fall. Allison, too, and Aaron said—“
Andrew cut him off with a scathing, “There is an especially warm place in hell reserved for you and every single one of your Palmetto State Foxes.”
“You’re included in that too, you know.”
Andrew grinned. “Then I guess I’ll see you there.”
Neil decided to step in again before fists could swing as fast as their insults did. “Listen, I’ll just call Wymack and Abby and get her expert opinion on the matter. If she clears me, I’ll play.”
Kevin blinked. “You haven’t even had Abby look at it yet?”
“He’s almost as dumb as you are, Day,” Andrew told him.
It wasn’t late enough in the night to worry about waking anyone up, so Andrew decided to go ahead and call Abby. He explained the situation, and she promised to be on the way immediately.
She arrived twenty minutes later with Wymack in tow, who looked as mad as a cat in water. “Do not tell me you hurt your ankle and then refused to see Abby about it.”
Neil, who had relocated to the couch, said, “Okay, Coach. I won’t tell you that.”
Wymack pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger as Abby moved to Neil’s side.
“How have you not killed him yet, Minyard?” Wymack asked.
“It’s a daily battle,” Andrew said from Neil’s other side.
Kevin went to Wymack and they began arguing quietly while Abby rolled down Neil’s sock after asking for permission to touch him. She looked at his ankle, instructed him in a few simple range of motion tests, and then sat back on her heels.
“It’s a pretty standard sprain,” Abby said, “nothing too extreme.” Kevin wore a triumphant, I-told-you-so look, but then Abby continued, “But any sprain needs rest. And I can’t in clear conscience clear you to play in the game tomorrow night.”
Andrew wasn’t petty enough to give Kevin a pointed look, but he seemed silently satisfied.
Kevin frowned. “But—“
“Day, I will bench you so fast that the next thing Abby diagnoses is your whiplash,” snapped Wymack.
Kevin finally subsided into quiet pouting, and Abby and Wymack packed up their things to go.
Wymack broke the news to the other Foxes the next day at the end of morning practice—which Neil hadn’t participated in, but Wymack had told them not to ask questions until afterward. They all seemed nervous by the prospect of playing without one of their strikers.
“Don’t get me wrong, Neil,” said Dan, “I don’t want you playing on a hurt foot, but this is really kind of distressing.”
“Doctors orders,” Wymack put in.
Matt leaned back in his seat and blew out a breath. “If we don’t win this game, we’re like, royally screwed. There’s no chance for championships after that.”
“If Neil needs to recover,” Renee said, ever the diplomat, “we should respect that.”
“Oh, I respect it,” Dan protested, “it’s just—“
“That we will be disappointed to, say the least, for a whole season to come to nothing,” finished Allison.
Andrew stood in a flash, almost quicker than Neil’s eyes could track.
“Then I’ll lock down the goal,” he growled, before pulling Neil up by this sleeve and shoving his crutch into Neil’s arms, then leading him out the door and into the parking lot.
“You shouldn’t have offered that,” Neil said as they got into the Maserati, “they’re definitely going to hold you to it.”
“Then I’ll do it,” Andrew said plainly, shifting the car into reverse and pulling out of the parking lot. Neil decided not to ask how Kevin, Nicky, and Aaron were supposed to get back to Fox Tower.
Neil watched Fox Tower go by out the passenger side window, but he also didn’t ask where they were going. Andrew sometimes liked to drive around aimlessly to blow off steam, and Neil was just glad he was invited along.
He had zoned out for the drive, but came back to attention when Andrew pulled the car off the road to a look out point, with a rail and benches that looked out over Columbia. He blinked. He didn’t realize they’d driven that far, but he could pass weeks with Andrew and have it feel like only minutes.
Andrew waited for Neil to get out of the car and then led him to the benches, sitting down facing the view. Snow blanketed the rooftops, and Christmas lights were strung up on light poles. An incredibly warm and cozy feeling filled Neil’s chest.
They didn’t say anything about Neil’s ankle, or about Andrew snapping at the Foxes. They drove back in time to make it to the game, and Neil couldn’t lie and say he didn’t enjoy watching Andrew lock down the goal, even if it was from the sideline.
+1
Neil felt Andrew startle awake in the bunk underneath him.
Normally Neil gave himself plenty of time in the morning to get ready, more than he probably should need, because he was a slow riser. But now, he forced the fog of sleep to recede from his mind so he could listen to Andrew.
His breaths were coming quick but they were gradually slowing, and Neil could see his bare feet on the floor over the guard rail of his own bunk.
“Drew?” Neil rasped quietly.
Neil watched Andrew stand up slowly, rubbing his eyes with his sleeves. “Go back to sleep.”
Andrew headed for the bed room door, a pack of cigarettes and lighter in hand.
“Can I come?” Neil called, not really minding his volume since Kevin slept like a rock.
“Do what you want,” Andrew said without stopping, which meant yes.
Neil climbed down the ladder of his bunk, sighing as he went. This was the third night in a row that Andrew had woken up from a nightmare. Neil knew there didn’t necessarily have to be a specific event that triggered a bad week for Andrew, so he hadn’t pushed Andrew to explain or even discuss what the nightmares were about.
The first night Andrew had gone to the roof and asked Neil not to follow him, the next he’d told Neil he could come up if he wanted—Neil did—but tonight Neil followed Andrew to the living room, where he sat down on the couch.
“No roof?” Neil asked.
“Too tired,” Andrew replied, in a rare moment of complete transparency.
Neil’s chest ached. He bet Andrew was tired, between three sleepless nights and two practices a day. He wondered if he should ask if Andrew wanted him to call Bee, but he knew Andrew had seen her yesterday.
He sat next to Andrew on the couch, picking up the cigarettes and shaking them questioningly.
“Too tired,” Andrew said again.
Neil frowned. He looked at the dark circles under Andrew’s eyes and the tense cast of his mouth and set of his shoulders.
Andrew reached out a finger and pushed Neil’s face away.
Sometimes after a nightmare Andrew would relocate and fall asleep on the couch, but he sat against the armrest of the couch staring listlessly into the distance with his eyes open. Neil couldn’t help it, he fell back to sleep, and when he woke up to his alarm Andrew hadn’t moved an inch and was still wide awake.
“Drew,” Neil said after clearing his throat. “Do you want to skip practice today?”
Andrew looked back at him, seeming to be genuinely considering it.
Then Kevin came into the room. “What? No. You can’t skip today, we have a game tomorrow.”
Andrew’s eyes flitted over to Kevin, and Neil could have killed the other striker. By a miracle from god he was able to resist the urge and went to get ready for practice.
They assembled in the lobby at the Foxhole Court with everyone taking their usual seats, but Neil trudged to Wymack’s office amidst questioning glances from his teammates. Wymack was sitting at his desk and looked like he had been about to head to the lobby, but he sat back down when Neil came in.
“My number one problem child,” Wymack said as Neil closed the door behind him. “Are you going to tell me someone’s been murdered? Was it Andrew?”
“No,” Neil groused, “I’m about to have to handle it myself and kill Kevin, though.”
Wymack raised a brow. “Why? What’d he do this time?”
Neil shook his head. “Nothing. I was just gonna ask if you would take it easy on Andrew today.”
“Why should he get special treatment?” asked Wymack.
Neil sat down in the chair in front of Wymack’s desk. “I’m not asking for special treatment. But he hasn’t slept through the night in seventy-two hours, and he’s just about ready to collapse from exhaustion.”
Neil watched Wymack’s face soften almost imperceptibly. “Nightmares?”
Neil sighed. “Yeah. Nightmares.”
“Okay,” Wymack said, tapping the desk twice and standing. “We’re all human. I’ll cut him some slack.”
Neil nodded his thanks and followed Wymack to the lobby. Andrew’s eyelids were drooping, and Kevin elbowed him in the side. Andrew’s eyes snapped open again and he glared at Kevin.
“Stop that,” Neil told Kevin threateningly as he sat down. Andrew turned his glare on Neil, but Neil ignored him.
Wymack started in on his spiel, and Neil felt some of the tension drain out of Andrew’s shoulders at the familiar drone of his voice. By the time Wymack was instructing on what drills to run, Andrew’s head was sagging to the side. And by the time he was done, Andrew was leaning on Neil entirely, dead asleep.
Neil thought his heart might burst in his chest.
Kevin looked ready to elbow him awake again, but Neil growled, “I swear to god, Kevin.”
Kevin backed off, hands raised placatingly.
Neil stayed put as all of the Foxes headed to the locker rooms, and when they were geared up, Dan stuck her head in.
“Hey,” she said uncertainly. “You guys coming?”
“When he wakes up,” Neil said plainly, “maybe.”
Dan blinked. “Seriously? We have a game tomorrow.”
“I don’t care about the game,” Neil snapped. It usually would have woken Andrew up, any kind of raised tone or loud noise, but Neil suspected his body had just crashed. Neil knew he could have just explained to Dan why Andrew was so tired, but he knew that Andrew wouldn’t want his vulnerabilities told to the team. He had learned his lesson with the fear of heights thing.
Dan nodded uncertainly and retreated.
The next person to come in was Nicky, only a couple seconds later. “Kevin’s about to blow a fuse, man.”
“Okay,” Neil said, unconcerned.
“You gonna wake him up soon?”
“If you want to wake him up,” Neil replied pleasantly, “I will not stop him from using you as a pincushion.”
Nicky blanched. Wymack came in behind him a second later.
“Hemmick, what’s the hold up?”
“I was just getting Andrew and Neil, Coach.”
Wymack flicked a look at Andrew and Neil. “Do they look like they want to be gotten? I didn’t think so. Get out of my lobby.”
Nicky left quickly, and Wymack followed him.
Neil sighed into the silence. He felt incredibly happy with Andrew sound asleep for the first time in days. There was no way in hell Neil was waking him up before he woke up himself.
He had to tell off two more Foxes, and he almost threw a knife when Aaron came in, but he heard Wymack yelling from the court and the lobby emptied out for good.
Neil laid his cheek on the crown of Andrew’s head but he didn’t go to sleep. He would gladly stay awake and threaten anyone who tried to come bother Andrew, even if he couldn’t fight off the monsters in Andrew’s dreams.