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“Miya-Chan,” Sasaki started hesitantly as he looked down, eyes locked to the glass filled with orange colored liquid standing in front of him. “I don’t think this is a good idea.”
He never wanted to go out this evening in the first place, even though today was their date night. His previous night has been restless because of an awful nightmare, his mind was elsewhere, and his mood was pretty bad. All he wanted to do was curling up under the soft sheets of his bed and let the day pass by until he was able to sleep again, ready to forget everything.
Of course, he wanted to say something, he was about to cancel their date for today. But when it comes to his beloved boyfriend, Sasaki was simply incapable of turning him down, even if it was just for one day. It was already hard enough for them to spare some time between all the studies during their college years and Miyano really was looking forward to it.
But now that there were sitting in a bar, the last place Sasaki wanted to be right now, surrounded by a loud and drunk crowd, he ultimately regretted his choice.
“Come on, Shuu, this one is for you!” Miyano chirped at his side, clearly unaware of the dark cloud hanging above Sasaki’s head. He lifted his own drink, a turquoise liquor covered with something which looked like whipped cream and looked at Sasaki with sparkling eyes.
“Cheers!”
Sasaki sighed heavily and lifted his own glass, stamping a smile on his face until he took a first sip of his own cocktail. To his surprise, considering how much he hated everything alcohol-flavored, this one did not taste as bad as expected. He could feel the warmth spreading through his veins, his tongue tingling at the bitter touch as it was covered with the peach flavored liquor. That must have been the first time he actually liked drinking alcohol.
“Shuu.. you can’t gulp it down like that, keep it slow!” Miyano exhaled, the look on his face somewhere between shock and amusement as he watched his boyfriend drinking his cocktail like it was some kind of peach flavored soda. “I guess you like it, then?” he added with a smirk on his lips.
“I guess so. It’s good.”
“Glad to hear it. I was asking for a drink so sweet it would melt away your tongue.” Miyano laughed “Keep it slow, I said!”
“Want to take a sip?” Sasaki asked teasingly, unable to hide his smile at the sound of Miyano’s laughter next to him. It was the only medicine he needed whenever he was feeling down.
“Hell, no, get away with that!”
As the time went by, Sasaki finally started to enjoy their time together. Miyano always knew how to boost his mood straight into heaven. It was a good thing he came, after all. They were laughing, chatting, flirting, drinking, whispering sweet nothings enveloped by the warmth of their drinks until all his fears and worries were nothing more than a faint shadow deep in the back of his mind.
At least, for a moment.
It was when he made his way to the toilet when everything crashed back on him with full force. He squeezed through the laughing, dancing crowd, trying to keep his eyes down to avoid the happy look on their faces. He was so sick of it all.
When he finally reached the toilet he let himself slide down behind the locked door as his eyes welled up with tears of frustration as the memories of his nightmare came to life again.
The memories of his boyfriend next to him, scanning their surroundings out of fear to be seen before wrapping his arms around Sasaki’s neck to pull him close for one kiss. The way he would jolt away his hand when they touched too long out in public. The sound of his voice whispering in panic whenever he thought someone might mistook them for a couple. The mortified look in his eyes when they flickered through the BL section at the bookstore together for the first time.
Truth was, Sasaki couldn’t forget that one moment he spotted a happy couple only a few meters away while he was waiting for Miyano to grab his newest BL manga’s. The way their arms were wrapped around each other as they walked through the store, happily chatting as they pocked through the books. It was already a few years ago, but he couldn’t forget the freezing cold wrapping around his heart ever since, because that was something they would never be allowed to do.
All the people outside of this freaking toilet cabin were allowed to dance, to hug, to wrap their arms around each other, to kiss, to love freely, but not him. Sasaki was doomed to hide the love of his life until they were out of sight, locked away safely until they were finally able to get close. It wasn’t fair.
When Sasaki returned a few minutes later, it took only a second for Miyano to realize something was wrong.
“Hey, everything okay?” he asked right away with a worried look on his beautiful eyes.
“Let’s get out of here, okay?”
Miyano quickly nodded before he waved at the barkeeper, ready to pay for their drinks. He knew very well Sasaki wasn’t the one to end their date so abruptly without a good reason and based on the look on his face, it was pretty serious this time.
They reached the exit shortly after, embracing the cool breeze of the night on their skin after sitting in a crowded and sticky room for such a long time.
Sasaki leaned back against the wall, eyes closed, breathing deeply to calm himself.
“Shuu, what happened?” Miyano took a few steps until he was right in front of him, ready to lift his hand to caress his cheek like he always did when Sasaki was feeling down. Sasaki stopped the movement with a firm grip on his wrist, pulling his hand back down before he was able to touch him. Miyano’s eyes widened slightly.
“What-“
“We’re in public, remember.” Sasaki couldn’t hide the hurt in his voice as he turned away his head, unable to meet Miyano’s gaze right now.
“You’re clearly upset, Shuu, I don’t care if we’re in public or not,” Miyano said quietly “Will you please tell me what happened? You’re starting to freak me out, not gonna lie.”
“Look, over there.” Sasaki replied his soft voice permeated with sadness as he spotted a couple next to them, laughing and messing around with their hands entangled, completely oblivious to everyone surrounding them, watching them as they pulled close to share a playful, yet passionate kiss. “They will never have to be careful not to be seen. They are allowed to fool around freely, showing off their love without much thought. Just like every other damn straight couple out there. They will never know how it feels like to be forced to lock yourself up until you are able to kiss the one you love like they deserved to be kissed.” He added quietly, ignoring the huge lump in his throat at the sight.
Miyano stood silent, his eyes still resting on Sasaki’s, tracing down every sign of sadness on that beautiful face, slowly realizing what it was what shattered his mood in the blink of an eye.
“Shuu, I-“
“Never mind. I guess I got a little carried away.” He exhaled, ready to stamp a smile back on his lips like he always did to ease the pain inside.
It was when he felt the soft grip of Miyano’s hand on his own when he lowered his gaze again just to meet big hazel eyes staring back at him, filled with nothing but determination as he entwined their fingers.
“And you made me pay for all of our drinks. I guess you owe me one.” He stated bluntly with a faint smile on his lips, the grip on his hand tightening slightly.
“I guess I do.” He murmured, not entirely sure what it was Miyano was aiming for.
“Very well. Follow me, then.”
Miyano walked back to where they came from, pulling Sasaki close behind him as he pushed the door open again.
“Miya! Miya-Chan, wait! I said I want to leave!” Sasaki gasped, clearly not in the mood to spend another single minute in this stiffy mess. “Let go of my hand-“
“No. I came here to have fun with you. We’re still on a date after all and you owe me a dance at least.”
“What?!”
Sasaki’s high-pitched protest was drowned out completely between all the music and voices around them. Miyano didn’t slow down a single bit, he kept pulling until they were standing in the middle of the crowded room, surrounded by way too many people for Sasaki to feel comfortable at all.
“Come here already!” Miyano chirped; eyes still determinant locked to his own as he pulled him closer before he started to move his body to the rhythm. Sasaki wasn’t sure if it was because of the number of drinks they had before or because his boyfriend simply lost his mind, but whatever it was, it granted him a whole new sight of his loved one. That thought alone brought back the smile on his lips, unable to hide the affection because that cheerful and beautiful man was his alone.
“I said, come closer!” Miyano demanded, suddenly wrapping his arms around Sasaki’s waist until their bodies were pressed against each other. Before he knew it, Sasaki felt like his body moved on his own, joining Miyano as he danced freely without lowering his sparkling gaze for even a second. But he couldn’t ignore their surroundings. Every glance at their direction shot daggers straight through his heart, every questioning look on their damn faces made his chest tighten. With every second passing by it was getting harder and harder to ignore the fact that some people around them stopped moving as they stared, shamelessly talking about whether or not two guys should be that close.
“Miya..we should stop now.” Sasaki whispered in his ear as he leaned down, trying to stop it before it was getting even worse. “People are staring already.”
“Let them stare, Shuu.” Miyano smiled back at him, his eyes warm and inviting without the slightest hint of worry. Instead of pulling away, his grip tightened once more which caused Sasaki to rest his hands on his hips as they moved along, trying his best to ignore the staring, the murmuring. But he failed.
As the rhythm changed to a slower pace, he felt Miyano’s hands on his back, moving higher and higher until his arms were locked behind his neck, his body pressing against his own as he did so.
“Miya what are you doing, I-“ he cracked out a quiet and nervous laugh “Are you drunk or what?”
“Maybe. Maybe not.” Miyano replied and dragged him closer until their lips were only inches away, arms still wrapped around Sasaki’s neck tightly. “Or maybe I just want to enjoy a date with my beautiful boyfriend.”
His breath was hot on Sasaki’s skin with the scent of coconut breezing through the air between them.
“Miya-Chan people are staring. You need to stop-“
“Let them stare, Shuu!” he repeated, this time way more serious. “Let them know we are a couple, let the whole world see that you belong to me. I don’t care anymore! I would gladly take a thousand spiteful glances shot at my direction, listen to every disgusting chatter around us if this means that I won’t get to see that painful look on your face ever again as I keep my head up high, proud to be the one you’re with.”
Sasaki could feel his eyes burning as he stared down at his loved one as his words left him trembling. The mumbling around them stopped.
“There is nothing wrong with falling in love, Shuu and I fell for you in every possible way! Let the gossip spread, let them talk, I’ll take it all.” Miyano continued, their eyes still locked like there was no one else around. “Come on now, Shuu, let’s give them a reason to do it!” he smirked, the heat of desire sparkling up in his hazel eyes before he tugged one last time, ultimately closing the gap between them.
It felt like a dream, the way there were standing in the middle of a clapping and cheering crowd as they kissed, their lips never once daring to part aside from taking quick breaths before meeting again, nibbing, brushing, and pressing against each other passionately.
What felt like eternity stopped with Miyano pulling back slightly. “I love you, Shuumei.” He whispered against his mouth. “I’m sorry it took me so long.”
That was his breaking point; for the second time this evening, tears escaped his eyes before he could stop them. But this time, it wasn’t out of frustration or sadness. These were tears of joy, washing away every trace of sorrow until all that was left for him to feel was his racing heart, hammering against his chest as he leaned down again with a bright smile adorning his lips.