Archive of Our Own

1.

Jihoon knows of Taeyong. Of course he does. It would be impossible for him not to, considering how many of Jihoon’s members are friends with nearly all the NCT guys between them. Jihoon has met a fair number of the NCT members, but only ever in passing. He has never actually spent time with any of them, let alone had a proper conversation. He’s certainly never been alone with any of them. 

It’s not that he hasn’t wanted to get to know them better, but the combination of him almost always being busy with a project and not really being great at making friends or speaking to new people meant that it just… didn’t happen. He was invited along a few times when Junhui and Minghao had plans to meet the Chinese NCT members and when Shua was meeting up with Johnny, but there were always reasons why he couldn’t go. 

He sort of envies the friendships his members have with the NCT guys, because they all seem so cool.

So he is certainly caught by surprise when none other than NCT’s leader, Lee Taeyong, comes up to him backstage after a music show they’re both performing on. The surprise is a pleasant one, despite how awkward he is sure he comes across.

It’s when the broadcast is over and all the idols are getting ready to leave. After the encore stage and their required photos with their trophy, the Seventeen members with other commitments quickly got changed and left. Some of the members who didn’t have to rush off are talking to friends from other groups, while others are still in the dressing room. Jihoon is standing in the hallway waiting for Seungcheol so they can share a car, scrolling aimlessly on his phone, when Taeyong approaches him.

“Congratulations, Woozi-sunbaenim,” he says. His words are soft and genuine, almost cautious in his delivery, but there is an unmistakable air of confidence to him at the same time. The way he smiles at Jihoon is so lovely that for a moment Jihoon doesn’t know what to do with himself aside from gaze at Taeyong.

Jihoon’s pause is probably a second too long, his eyes wide in surprise, before he responds with a stammered, “Thank you, Taeyong-ssi.”

He feels his cheeks heat up at the use of the honourifics. He should be used to being addressed like that so many years into his career, but somehow he still can’t get used to juniors referring to him as sunbae . Soonyoung would say it’s because he’s too humble and he should get used to it. 

He doesn’t know why Taeyong approached him and doesn’t know if (or how) he should try to continue the conversation (maybe tell him he can drop the honourifics?) or if he should let the other use the silence as an opportunity to leave. Taeyong, however, takes the silence as his cue to continue speaking, not at all deterred by Jihoon’s surprise.

“The song is really good, I hope you get many more wins for it,” he says with a smile. “I would love to do a song with that feeling in the future. The energy is amazing.”

Accepting praise has never been one of Jihoon’s strong suits; compliments always make him blush and turn in on himself, feeling undeserving of it, and his natural instinct is to brush them off. So he bows his head, giving a little nod and mumbles out his thanks, trying to sound as genuine in his gratitude as Taeyong sounded in his compliment.

“Would you…” Taeyong begins, sounding a little shy for the first time since he came over and started the conversation. “You can definitely say no, but would you be willing to exchange numbers, Sunbaenim?”

He sounds so hopeful that Jihoon can’t bear to refuse him, even though he can’t work out why on Earth someone as cool as Taeyong would want his phone number in the first place. He has a fair number of friends in the industry, all of them much cooler than he feels himself, but somehow Taeyong is on another level of cool. Aside from his confusion, Jihoon feels rather flattered that Taeyong would even want to give him the time of day, let alone ask for his phone number.

“Sure,” Jihoon answers before he can overthink it, not wanting to keep Taeyong waiting for a response when he is so clearly hoping it will be a positive one. 

“Thank you, Woozi-sunbaenim!” Taeyong’s smile is so bright and beautiful, and Jihoon feels almost proud that he could make it appear with just one simple word. Taeyong’s excitement does nothing to quell his confusion, but it does make Jihoon smile too. 

Taeyong politely holds out his phone, offering it to Jihoon so he can type his number in. He quickly enters the number, leaving the name blank so Taeyong can save the contact however he wishes before handing it back. Taeyong types something into the space for a contact name and then looks like he’s about to say goodbye and head back to his dressing room, so before Jihoon really knows what he’s doing he holds out his own phone.

Taeyong pockets his phone and looks at Jihoon with wide eyes. Jihoon thrusts the phone out towards him gently.

“You should give me your number, too,” he explains.

Taeyong nods happily and quickly inputs his number before handing the phone back to Jihoon. Their fingers brush slightly as Jihoon takes the phone back, making Taeyong grin.

Just as Taeyong opens his mouth to say something else the dressing room door behind Jihoon opens and Seungcheol steps out.

“You ready to go, Jihoon-ah?” he asks, too busy looking down at his own phone to notice the other person standing in the hallway.

“Yeah,” Jihoon replies. “Hyung, you know Taeyong, right?”

“It’s nice to meet you, S.Coups-sunbaenim,” Taeyong says with a little bow. “I was just congratulating Woozi-sunbaenim on your win.”

Seungcheol smiles brightly. “Thank you, Taeyong-ssi. I hope you guys get a win too, I love your new song.”

Taeyong glows under the compliment and thanks Seungcheol before excusing himself. 

“I’ll see you around then, Woozi-sunbaenim?” he asks, sounding almost hopeful as he begins to back away down the hallway. 

“Of course,” Jihoon says, because their promotion overlap makes it very likely.

Taeyong gives another small bow before leaving. 

Once Jihoon and Seungcheol are sitting in the car together, Jihoon feels Seungcheol’s curious gaze drilling into him.

“What?” he asks, not looking up from his phone where he’s typing Taeyong’s name into the contact card.

Seungcheol says nothing, so Jihoon looks up to be met with a curious expression.

“What?” he asks again, confused.

Seungcheol raises his eyebrows and gives him a knowing look. Jihoon raises an eyebrow in question.

Seungcheol sighs and rolls his eyes. “Never mind.”

2.

It takes him several weeks, a few shots of soju, and a lot of encouraging from Doyoung to pluck up the courage to ask, but…

He officially invites Woozi—or, Jihoon, as he’s been asked to call him—to his studio.

Holy. Shit.

It’s not exactly a unique opinion, but he thinks Jihoon might be one of the most talented idol producers in the industry right now. He doesn’t just make music he likes, and that fans like, but that everyone likes. His music is catchy and fun and inoffensive while being innovative. Very different to the Neo sound he’s used to, but maybe that’s why he likes it.

He’d asked Jihoon if he would listen to some demos he made, and when he’d been receptive and friendly about it, he’d decided—why not go big or go home? And invited Jihoon to come listen to them in his studio.

Somehow, it worked.

Taeyong spends over an hour before he arrives tidying up the old clothes and weeks-old takeout bags left around the place, all the while thinking about what songs he might play for Jihoon. What does he want to show him to impress him? What does he actually need feedback on, but won’t embarrass himself with?

He's heard through the grapevine—Junhui told Johnny, who told Doyoung, who told Taeyong—that while Taeyong has only just started producing music in the last few years, Jihoon has been doing it since he was a trainee. Seventeen only debuted thanks to the fact, apparently.

That’s a serious talent. And he’s really pretty. No wonder Taeyong feels so nervous.

He comes down to the entrance of his building at their agreed time of arrival, and Jihoon arrives dead on, bundled up in a thick coat against the cold. They greet each other politely, and Jihoon offers him the iced coffee he’d brought completely unprompted, and Taeyong feels like he might explode out of his skin at the prospect of a gift for him.

Doyoung says he can get really weird about people really fast. He feels like this is one of those times.

Jihoon isn’t much of a talker, and he can tell he feels a bit awkward to be here alone with Taeyong as they stand in the elevator together, Taeyong babbling on with some inane small talk topic. But he came anyway, which is the most touching part.

He’s not going to screw this up.

“The first track is something I’ve been working on as a solo project. I want to present it to SM to go on my solo album, maybe? But I want it to stand the best chance of being accepted, so I was hoping you could give it a listen…”

“Of course,” Jihoon says, hands out politely to receive the headphones Taeyong is holding.

Sat in the second chair next to his desk, here, he finally looks in his element. If music is what Jihoon knows, Taeyong can give him that.

The first track is lively, upbeat, Jihoon nodding his head appreciatively as he listens. This is the one he hopes will impress—he’s worked it over and over until it’s at a place he likes. Still, he finds himself pretty nervous for feedback, especially since it’s so different from what Jihoon himself usually makes.

That gives him food for thought, though. What would it be like to receive a personalised track from someone like Jihoon? How would he make it, with Taeyong in mind?

As soon as he has the thought, he starts to feel greedy for it.

“It’s really good,” Jihoon says, and Taeyong is snapped out of his thoughts. “I can tell you’ve put a lot of time into this track. If the company rejects it, they’re crazy.”

Taeyong lights up with pride. Though his words are short and to the point, they make his heart beat so fast it might run away from him.

“Thank you!” he gushes. “Seriously, I have worked so hard on this track, but I feel so inexperienced at this beyond just watching the PD hyungs make music…that means a lot to me, really, Sunbaenim.”

“You don’t have to call me that, it’s okay.”

“Then…” he hesitates. “Do you want to call me Hyung?”

“I’m okay with that if you are.”

For some reason, that makes him feel a little dizzy. “Oh, I’d really like that,” he says. He thinks he might be blushing. “Do you really think this track is okay?”

“It’s more than okay. It’s really strong,” Jihoon says simply, gesturing to the screen. “If they give you feedback, I can help you change some things, but honestly it seems like you already know what you’re doing. Did you have any others you wanted to show me?”

“Oh, yes!”

Next, he plays an unfinished track that’s actually a bit embarrassing, but he’s hit a wall and knows he could make it great with a bit of guidance.

Jihoon listens to the song with his eyes closed, head tilted, listening thoughtfully. “I see what you mean,” he says, when the track ends abruptly. “It’s good, really good so far, but there’s still something missing, isn’t there? Can you show me what your layering looks like?”

Taeyong pulls up the track in raw form, and Jihoon begins to listen through it layer by layer, looking for what’s missing.

He has the answer within a few minutes, and the two of them sit working on the song for the next hour together, adding and taking away sounds, changing different sections to accommodate new things. Jihoon even offers to add some rough vocals to the track, to help guide the way it will sound with a vocalist. He just sings gibberish into the microphone, making them both laugh with the odd half-sentence of sense, but he sounds really, really good regardless.

At some point, they get to chatting about their respective groups, and the music they have coming up. One thing leads to another, and then Jihoon is pulling out his phone, and saying…

“Do you want to hear our next comeback song?”

Taeyong’s brain short-circuits. “Please, of course!” he says, pulling out the speaker so Jihoon has better access to the cable there. He sits in nervous anticipation as Jihoon taps away at his phone.

Then, music begins to play. It’s a finished, polished track, with powerful and funky beats, friendly and uplifting vocals. Very different to anything his group would be allowed to release—he feels almost envious.

More than that, though, he feels excited, very excited to see this music released and performed. Seventeen will be excellent at it.

Jihoon will be the best, he thinks privately.

“You are seriously so good at music,” he says, less eloquently than he would like. “I mean, you’re so—wow, this stuff is just so good. And you do it all the time, with all your music? That’s crazy. Seriously, amazing. I admire you a lot.” Shut up now, Taeyong.

Jihoon just bows and clasps his hands together appreciatively, which doesn’t help his babbling. But he manages to keep himself quiet to hear the rest of the song, and then asks Jihoon some more intelligent questions about the creative process behind it. That gets him talking, probably more than he realises, and that’s another giddy success for him. Accessing something they both love, and having the conversation flow from there.

When the sun starts to rise outside the building, they both realise just how long they’ve been here talking shop. They hurry to get their things together and walk to the same subway stop, though heading for different lines.

“I hope we can do this again,” Taeyong says before they leave, and hopes he doesn’t come across as too desperate.

“We should,” Jihoon says, and though short, it sounds genuine. A bit like Jihoon himself.

“See you then!”

Jihoon just smiles and waves, hopping on his subway carriage, cap pulled low. Taeyong’s train pulls up not two minutes later, and he steps on wearing a stupid smile. He’s sleepy, but incredibly pleased with himself, thinking over their night moment by moment, pulling Jihoon’s musical advice over and over in his mind.

If he misses his stop thinking about it a bit too much, no one has to know.

3.

“You didn’t say anything about meeting up with them!” Jihoon hisses under his breath, but without anger in his words, just a little peeved at being caught off guard like this. He likes to mentally prepare himself for social situations. He also would’ve worn something cooler had he known, or at the very least a nicer pair of slippers. 

Junhui just gives him that devious cat-like smile as he waves at the two people approaching them. “You wouldn’t have come if I had. You would’ve found some excuse to avoid social interaction.”

Jihoon can’t argue with that. It’s probably true. 

“That’s not true,” he chooses to reply instead, not sounding at all convincing even to himself. 

“Sure,” Junhui says in a way that shows exactly how little he believes Jihoon’s argument. 

“You’re here now, so enjoy it! You said he was cool.”

“Jun-gē!” Chenle exclaims as he bounces over to them and hooks his arm with Junhui’s, looking like he is holding himself back from a bigger display of affection. Taeyong follows behind, much more calmly. Jihoon definitely regrets his outfit choice today.

“Glad to see you were able to drag Jihoon-hyung out,” Chenle says gleefully. “Poor Taeyong-hyung would’ve been bored otherwise.”

Jihoon splutters a little. “Am I the only one who was not aware of this?”

He looks up when he hears Taeyong chuckle softly, looking like he’s trying not to laugh at Jihoon but can’t help himself. 

“Nope,” he says, no longer laughing but now smiling gently at Jihoon. “Chenle didn’t tell me about this scheme either.”

Chenle just gives a cheeky grin, still clinging to Junhui. 

“Come on,” he says, tugging on Junhui’s arm. “I want to go see the big cats!”

Junhui rolls his eyes and pretends to groan in exasperation. “After that we’re going to the dolphins,” he teases, and then easily lets Chenle drag him away. In fact, the two of them rush off so quickly that it leaves Jihoon standing bewildered (and alone) in front of Taeyong as their friends disappear behind a crowd of schoolchildren. 

Jihoon gapes at the spot where Junhui has vanished from sight, and then turns and looks at Taeyong. Taeyong looks back at him with wide eyes and gives him a shrug. 

“Well, we may as well enjoy the zoo,” he says. “We’ll tell them what terrible friends they are for ditching us later.”

This makes Jihoon crack a smile, feeling more at ease than he did a few minutes before. “I guess so,” he says. “I’m not thrilled that Jun dragged me away from my studio only to run off with Chenle.”

“Same,” Taeyong says with a smirk. “I was really making progress with a song when Chenle dragged me out.”

Jihoon groans, knowing just how awful it can be to have your creative momentum messed with. “That’s the worst time to be interrupted!”

“I know, right?”

They share a smile and an understanding look, commiserating over the time they’ve lost. 

“We’ll just have to make the most of this outing, I guess,” Tayeong says with a grin. 

He nods in agreement. “What do you want to see first?”

“I hear that your fans say you resemble a red panda?” Taeyong replies casually, making Jihoon whine and lift his hands to cover his face in embarrassment. 

“Oh, god,” he mumbles. He can feel his cheeks getting warmer under his mask and is suddenly very glad that he chose to wear one today. 

“Okay, now we have to go there first.”

After the red pandas, they decide to find the insects upon Taeyong’s insistence. 

Jihoon crinkles his nose. “Why do you want to see the bugs?” 

Taeyong just smiles at his displeasure at the prospect. “Because I think they’re cute!”

Jihoon feels a little flutter in his chest at the way Taeyong lights up in his excitement. He finds that he likes seeing Taeyong look so happy, so is only faking his reluctance as he’s steered towards the small building that houses all the insects. 

Taeyong goes straight over to the butterfly exhibit, standing so close with his face pressed almost up against the glass and looking so much like a curious child that Jihoon has to laugh and try to ignore the metaphorical butterflies in his stomach. Taeyong beckons him over with a wave and begins pointing out the different butterflies in the enclosure before he takes his phone out to take some photos. 

Jihoon doesn’t realise he’s staring until Taeyong turns around and grins at him. 

“I want to see the tarantulas, come on,” he says, not leaving any room for argument. 

The time passes surprisingly quickly. 

Jihoon had worried things would be awkward, after all he still didn’t really know Taeyong very well, and the last time they’d hung out they were in a studio (his happy place) talking about music (his area of expertise). Being out somewhere, without music as a crutch to lean on, meant it was up to Jihoon to try and be social. Fortunately, Taeyong makes it really easy. 

Conversation comes naturally and he genuinely has fun, his slight annoyance with Junhui now completely dissipated. 

They spend the afternoon cracking jokes and dragging each other from enclosure to enclosure, taking turns to pick what they see next. 

“We just spent twenty minutes looking at your creepy bugs, now I want to see something cool, like the tigers,” Jihoon says as they leave the insect exhibit.

“Don’t let Hoshi-yah hear you saying that,” Taeyong says with a smirk. 

Jihoon rolls his eyes and groans. “Oh, my god, never. And if you tell him…” He leaves the threat hanging but emphasises it with a teasing glare. 

Taeyong mimes zipping his mouth closed, and Jihoon laughs. 

After the tigers they see the reptiles, then the monkeys, then the giant pandas. 

They haven’t bumped into Junhui and Chenle at all, and Jihoon has almost forgotten that the other two are also around somewhere until his phone vibrates with a text from Junhui. 

Jihoonie~~ I’m hungry, we’re gonna get food. You two wanna meet us in the food court? 

ah, so now you want me around? 

and I’m not buying your food fyi

I always want you around!! 

But we thought maybe you’d like Taeyong around more than the two of us :))

Jihoon frowns down at his phone as he reads the last message from Junhui. What?

“Is it Junnie?” Taeyong asks, snapping Jihoon out of his thoughts. 

“Yeah,” he replies, typing out a message to say they are on their way and choosing to ignore Junhui’s comments. “They’re getting food, asked us to join.”

Junhui gives Jihoon a smirk when he sits down opposite his friend. Chenle is in the spot next to Junhui, which leaves Jihoon and Taeyong to sit together. Jihoon narrows his eyes at Junhui, who has just taken a huge bite of his food and looks at him innocently with stuffed cheeks. Jihoon catches Chenle out of the corner of his eye, grinning into his own meal and doing a terrible job of hiding it, and wonders what the joke is that he has clearly missed. 

“How were the dolphins?” Jihoon asks, just for the sake of starting a conversation before Junhui can say something dumb and embarrassing. 

Junhui pinches Chenle’s cheek. “Much cuter than this dolphin!” he says with a laugh while Chenle complains and tries to swat him away. 

Jihoon is only half listening while he breaks apart his chopsticks. 

He decides he is imagining it when he just barely notices Taeyong smiling softly in his direction as he stirs his food and their elbows bump together. 

It’s a little bit harder to convince himself he is imagining the way his cheeks feel a little warmer because of it. 

4.

Awards season comes around in the blink of an eye, like it does every year. It’s always the busiest period, between album repackage preparations, working on the SMCU album, planning for a tour and preparing special stages for every awards ceremony they visit.

Herding around twenty or so men at the ceremonies is no small feat, either. Especially when one of those men is Lee Donghyuck.

The point is, he usually doesn’t have enough time to think at this time of year, never mind make social calls. But, backstage at MAMA, waiting to go on towards the end, he can’t help but notice they’ve been given a green room next door to Seventeen.

It’s exciting—he knows their performance will be stunning, the last of the night after their own stage, he remembers. But while he’s supposed to be running through the choreo one last time verbally with his team—the aforementioned twenty or so guys, all chatting loudly in the green room—he can’t help but think about how badly he wants to stick his head around the door and say hello.

He and Jihoon haven’t fallen out of contact, exactly—things had been lively, even, after their trip to the zoo. He’s loved it. But he can tell they both got busy at the same time, conversation dropping off into just occasional messages checking up on each other, sending stickers and tired selfies from their respective studios, dance rooms, or dark bedrooms.

He treasures that. But if saying hi might reignite whatever had struck them at the zoo—that feeling of excitement, of anticipation—then he can make time to do that much, at least.

“Earth to Taeyong,” someone says, and he blinks, focusing on the sight of himself in the hair and makeup chair mirror.

“Huh?” he looks around to see Yuta standing behind him, eyebrows raised.

“You’re done,” he says, gesturing to the makeup Noona who looks bewildered.

“Sorry!” he says, leaping from the chair so Yuta can take it. “I’m done…”

“You okay, Hyung?” Mark asks, from where Ten is gripping him in a hug from behind. “Can you help me?”

“Uh, no,” he says.

“To which question?” Mark asks, eyes wide.

“Oh, I’m fine, but I can’t help you there. Ask Yangyang, maybe. I’m going to the vending machine.”

He steps out of the busy green room and into the quiet corridor before anyone can ask to go with him, shaking himself. As much as he loves them, he sometimes likes to think wistfully of a time he didn’t feel responsible for so many other men his age.

The wide vending machine is just up the corridor, so he strolls leisurely towards it, taking a few deep breaths and surveying the options. Overpriced soda, mostly, and a few packets of seaweed. He taps on the glass, weighing up his options between the chocolate milk and the energy drink.

“Oh. Hello,” a voice says beside him, and Taeyong turns to see Jihoon approaching him, the Seventeen green room door closing behind him.

“Oh, hi!” he says, a bit too enthusiastic for the context, but he’s genuinely happy to see the friend he was just thinking about. He was feeling nervous about poking his head into another busy room like the Seventeen one—especially since he doesn’t know many of the people in there—but the person he was looking for is right here. Like he’d come to him specially.

Like it’s fate, or something.

“You come for a snack?” he asks, which is kind of stupid, because of course he has, standing patiently with his hands in his pockets as Taeyong hogs the vending machine. He looks good, in a bejewelled blazer and slacks, silver and red on black. His hair is black too.

Taeyong finds he likes it. Maybe that feeling of excitement wasn’t just the zoo. Maybe he just really, really likes hanging out with Jihoon, even for two minutes at the vending machine.

“Yup,” Jihoon says, and Taeyong’s cheeks heat.

“Of course you are,” he says quickly, selecting an item at random so as not to look like an idiot. The chocolate milk it is. “Are you getting away from the busy room? That’s what I needed, more than the drink. These places are so loud, you know?”

“I totally understand that,” Jihoon says with emphasis. “I didn’t expect you would be the type to hate it, though, being the leader.”

“I can manage it, but being the leader makes it more stressful. If even one person is missing, I’ll hear about it. Do you know how difficult it is to headcount twenty people? They all move around so much!”

Jihoon laughs at that, and Taeyong feels fuzzy inside at his success. “I hear it’s hard with thirteen, so I can only imagine. Good choice, by the way.”

Taeyong fetches his drink from the machine and stands aside, looking at it. “Thanks. Maybe I should’ve gone for the energy drink now that I think about it, though.”

Jihoon smiles again, keying in the code for the Coke without a pause. “You could always get both. If your members are anything like mine, you’ll only get a swig in before the leeches ask for their share, so you might as well get two.”

“Wow, we really have similar experiences,” he says again, and is pleased to see the genuine smile on Jihoon’s face.

As Jihoon bends down to pick up the can of Coke, a wash of courage overtakes Taeyong from nowhere. Maybe it’s the luck that brought them here, just the two of them in this corridor at this exact moment, or maybe it’s the feeling that he’s grasping, that he hasn’t felt since the trip to the zoo.

If there’s one thing he’s learned over the years, it’s that he needs to take opportunities where he finds them. Also, that he needs to live his life while it’s happening to him, and not put it off until a ‘later’ that never comes.

He’s going to ask now. This might be crazy, or stupid, or completely out of the blue to Jihoon—but he’ll never know if he doesn’t ask, right?

“Jihoon-ah,” he says softly, as Jihoon stands up straight again, Coke clutched in hand.

“Yes?” he says, looking a little nervous, like he can tell Taeyong is about to ask something big. Hopefully a good nervous, right? Are they on the same page?

“I was wondering if you’d like to go out together again,” he says. “Deliberately, this time. Just the two of us—if you’d like that? We don’t have to agree to something right now, but, you know, I feel like you only meet so many people in the industry who are like you , you know? I really liked going out with you before. So if you wanted to…”

The blank look on Jihoon’s face is making his heart sink.

“...then we could,” he finishes lamely.

Jihoon pauses for a moment. “I’m sorry, I think our schedule is too packed for the foreseeable future.”

Taeyong feels his heart slip out of his chest and shatter on the floor. He didn’t know this was such a big thing for him until right now—but the rejection is so swift and absolute, he’s not sure how to take it.

“Ah,” he says, clutching his chocolate milk. “Of course, I know it’s a busy time—don’t worry, I won’t bother you about it, I understand of course—um, but I should probably get back to my group…”

He slips past Jihoon, who doesn’t say a word as he does.

“I hope your performance goes well,” he manages as he reaches his green room door.

Jihoon nods jerkily, the blank look still on his face. “You too,” he says, before Taeyong flashes him a weak smile and pushes back inside the green room.

The noise overwhelms him. He sits down on the nearest free seat, exhaling long and hard, and begins to open his chocolate milk.

“You look worse than when you left, Hyung,” Renjun says softly, sat next to him. “You okay?”

“I’m fine, Renjun-ah,” he says softly, gripping his bottle to stop his hands from shaking. He tried, and failed. That’s okay. He’s not lost anything, except maybe the fun of a little crush, and a very talented friend. “I’ll be fine.”

“We’re on in five,” one of their managers calls to the room, and Taeyong slips down further in his seat, chugging the chocolate milk down in one go before trying to even his breaths and clear his mind.

He’s got a performance to do.

5.

Jihoon knew that he probably looked a little flustered when he re-entered the green room after seeing Taeyong. He also knew that Soonyoung noticed immediately.

Jihoon was pleasantly surprised to run into Taeyong in the hallway; it had been a while since they’d last seen each other and he was thrilled that he still felt so comfortable in Taeyong’s presence even after how much time had passed. He’d been caught off guard when Taeyong had asked if they could hang out some time, not expecting to be asked such a question.

He wanted to say yes, so badly, but he also knew that at this time of year he couldn’t commit to anything. Before he had properly thought about the question and how he should respond, the words were out of his mouth and Taeyong had a look on his face that made Jihoon’s heart shrivel up in his chest. What he didn’t understand was why Taeyong had looked like that. It wasn’t like he’d been asking Jihoon on a date (he couldn’t have been), and they were both going to be too busy to hang out for a while anyway. They’d still be able to text, it wasn’t like Jihoon had told him they couldn’t talk at all. 

The encounter had left him confused and feeling like he really screwed up, but not sure how, or to what extent. Hence his flustered appearance, and Soonyoung immediately noticing from across the room.  

Jihoon received a questioning look and raised eyebrows from Soonyoung when he caught Jihoon’s eye. Jihoon responded with a glare which only made Soonyoung smirk. But then the managers had appeared and began herding them out of the room, so Jihoon was saved from Soonyoung’s interrogations. 

Until now. 

Jihoon is in his studio, distracting himself by fiddling around with unfinished projects and pretending he isn’t moping because there has been radio silence from Taeyong all day, and he has no idea why or what to do about it.

He texted Taeyong in the car after the awards show to congratulate him on NCT’s great performance, but got no reply. He texted again when he woke up, asking if Taeyong was as drained as he was after such a long night, but that, too, went unanswered.

Had he said something to offend Taeyong when they were at the vending machine? Jihoon went over and over their conversation in his head, replaying everything that both of them had said, but he couldn’t recall anything that could’ve been misconstrued, or a moment that he was unfriendly. Did Taeyong finally realise how uncool he actually is? Or did Jihoon say something that unintentionally pushed him away?

He has just sent a third message, this time a meme he thought Taeyong would enjoy, when Soonyoung barges in with soda and convenience store kimbap. The timing is probably good, as Jihoon is mere seconds away from his thoughts spiralling out of control.

“You should be resting, Hoonie,” Soonyoung says, plonking the plastic bag of snacks down on the coffee table and flopping onto the couch. “We have the day off and you’re choosing to spend it holed up in here?”

Jihoon shrugs and gives a noncommittal hum in response as he saves his progress. He swivels his chair around to face the man currently sprawled on his couch, resisting the urge to roll his eyes at Soonyoung trying to drink his Sprite without sitting up. 

“Why are you here then?” he asks, not unkindly. “Don’t scold me for being in the studio if you’ve come to ask me to make a beat for you to rap over. What did you steal from Cheol-hyung this time? His shoes?”

Soonyoung laughs and nearly chokes on his drink, finally sitting up properly. “No, I stole his t-shirt, but that’s irrelevant. I wanted to ask you about last night.”

Jihoon feels his cheeks get a little warm. “What about it?”

“Did something happen in the hallway?” Soonyoung asks, straight to the point. “You looked a little flustered when you came back.”

“Nothing happened,” Jihoon says, his words slightly mumbled. “Just saw Taeyong-hyung.”

Soonyoung nods his head and smirks like this explains everything. 

“What?” Jihoon asks, confused. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

Soonyoung takes a huge bite of his triangle kimbap and throws another over that Jihoon catches (just before it hits him in the face) and places on his desk. 

“It’s normal to be a bit flustered after you see someone you like,” Soonyoung explains through his mouthful of rice and seaweed.

Someone you like?

Jihoon feels his heart stutter in his chest. “Someone I like? You mean Taeyong?”

Soonyoung nods again, like it’s obvious. “Duh.”

He doesn’t like Taeyong like that, does he? They get along really well, and Taeyong is really great, but Jihoon doesn’t have feelings for him. He’s… not as sure about that as he was before Soonyoung started this conversation. Jihoon knows his cheeks are turning red if the way his face is beginning to feel hot is any indication. “Of course I like him, we’re friends.”

The “ I think” remains unsaid. 

“Okay,” says Soonyoung, sounding like he knows Jihoon is avoiding the truth on purpose. “What did you guys talk about?”

“Nothing,” Jihoon says, trying to brush him off. “Just about what it’s like being members of such big idol groups. Wished each other luck.”

“And?” 

Jihoon sighs. He knows Soonyoung will just keep hounding him, so he may as well tell him everything now and save his energy. 

“And he asked if I’d like to go out with him again because last time was fun, okay?”

Soonyoung perks up at Jihoon’s words, eyes wide and a smile slowly spreading across his face. 

“Ooh, Jihoonie has a date!” he coos, clasping his hands under his chin and practically bouncing in his seat.

Those words are like a bucket of ice water over Jihoon’s head. A date? Impossible. There is no way that Taeyong likes him like that, and he didn’t say a date he said go out together— 

Oh.

Crap.

Soonyoung continues to look at him like a proud parent on their child’s first day of school as Jihoon replays their conversation in his head yet again and tries to make sense of his feelings. 

“He was asking me out?” Jihoon asks, staring at Soonyoung with a blank expression, too shocked by the realisation to do anything else. 

Soonyoung’s face falls. “Obviously, Jihoon, he’s had a crush on you for ages— wait, what did you say when he asked?”

Jihoon slowly turns his chair back around so that he doesn’t have to look at his friend and mumbles something under his breath. 

“Lee Jihoon,” Soonyoung begins. Jihoon hears him stand and pace across the room and then feels the chair swing back around so that he’s face to face with Soonyoung. “I swear to god, you better not have turned him down.”

Jihoon looks down at his hands in his lap, fingers nervously picking at the drawstring on his sweatpants before saying quietly, “I may or may not have told him that we were going to be too busy for the foreseeable future.”

Soonyoung makes a squeaking noise that would be hilarious at any other time before grabbing Jihoon’s face and making their eyes meet. 

“Why would you do that?” Soonyoung cries, making Jihoon wince at the volume. Soonyoung moves his hands to Jihoon’s shoulders. “Does this mean Junnie and I were wrong?”

“About what?”

“About you liking Taeyong!” Soonyoung says with a huff. “I don’t want to lose fifty thousand won to Mingyu!”

“You guys have been betting on whether or not Taeyong and I have feelings for each other?” Jihoon asks, incredulous. 

“Didn’t you wonder why Jun-ah dragged you to the zoo that day?” Soonyoung asks, raising one eyebrow. 

Of course Jihoon had wondered why Junhui had been so insistent that he tag along only to abandon him the moment they arrived, but he figured it was just an attempt to make sure he got some fresh air and social interaction, so he decided not to read anything into it. His other guess was that it was a way to disguise that Junhui was actually just interested in seeing Chenle. 

“Oh, my god,” Jihoon groans as he leans forwards and buries his face in his hands. “That was why?”

Soonyoung sighs. “I love you, bro, but you are such an idiot,” he says, sounding exhausted but also extremely fond. 

“I like Taeyong,” Jihoon mumbles into his hands. “I can’t believe I didn’t realise I like him.”

“I can’t believe you didn’t realise he likes you, ” Soonyoung laughs. “He was pretty obvious.” 

“This is why he’s ignoring me,” Jihoon blurts out as the realisation hits him. “He thinks I rejected him.”

“You have to fix this, Jihoonie,” Soonyoung says seriously. “And sooner rather than later. Call him now! You realise how many friendships are on the line, right? If you don’t fix this they’ll be forced to take sides!”

Jihoon rolls his eyes at Soonyoung’s dramatic enthusiasm. “I can’t call him now, but I will fix it. This is a face-to-face talk, Soonyoung.”

As much as the idea scares him, he knows that it’s true. The best way to put things right will be to talk in person. 

Soonyoung’s face lights up. “You can see him at the Christmas broadcast!”

Jihoon had actually forgotten about that schedule. He was hoping that he’d get some more time to plan what he should say to Taeyong, but he’ll just have to suck it up and take the opportunity to put things right. 

He decides to text Taeyong first. 

Two days have passed since his conversation with Soonyoung. He’s in the car heading to the Christmas broadcast venue and Taeyong hasn’t replied to his messages at all since the awards show, except for one quick text that read, “ Sorry, swamped.” Jihoon had confirmed earlier with Junhui that Taeyong would be at the broadcast (he’d thought he was really subtle when he asked, but if Junhui’s smirk was anything to go by he saw right through Jihoon), so there is no going back now. 

hey, I hope I get to see you at the Christmas special tonight. there’s something I have to say to you and I don’t want to do it over a text message

Jihoon reads back over the message, wondering if texting Taeyong is even a good idea, but then the car goes over a speed bump and the motion makes him press send before he can agonise over it any longer. 

When they arrive at the venue everything is a flurry of activity. Jihoon is quickly ushered out of the car with his members and herded into the building, down a hallway and into their waiting room. Jihoon fidgets anxiously the whole time that the stylists work on him and is scolded more than once for moving around too much, but he can’t help it. 

Eventually, they’re all ready and just waiting for the instruction to take their places- which won’t be for at least another thirty minutes, so Jihoon pulls his phone out to send another text. 

vending machine? I’ll buy?

He knows there’s a chance that Taeyong is busy, and an even bigger chance that he’ll just ignore the message, but he hopes anyway and quietly slips out of the room. 

Soonyoung notices, and gives him a thumbs up with a big grin just as Jihoon shuts the door. 

He takes a deep breath and heads down the hallway to where he’d seen a vending machine earlier. He’s just bending down to pick up the can of Coke he bought when a voice from behind startles him. 

“Hey.”

Jihoon jumps up and spins around to see Taeyong standing in the hallway, looking effortlessly cool and absolutely stunning in his performance outfit.

Everything Jihoon had wanted to say suddenly falls out of his head and his mouth feels incredibly dry. “Hi.”

Taeyong looks almost reserved in the way he just watches Jihoon, not saying anything. 

Then Jihoon remembers that he asked Taeyong to meet him, so he’d better start talking. 

“I’m sorry,” he blurts out. “I’m an idiot.”

Taeyong frowns at his outburst and Jihoon notices the way his lips twitch as he holds back a smile, trying to maintain his feigned indifference. He stays silent and waits for Jihoon to continue. 

“When we last spoke…” Jihoon trails off. His thoughts are a jumbled mess, how is he going to get through this? Deciding not to overthink, he pushes on. “At the awards show. When you said go out I didn’t realise you meant, like, actually go out? Because I didn’t think— I mean you’re just really cool and pretty, and I’m really not, and I- I would like to go out some time… deliberately… but I thought you just meant as friends. And if you did mean as friends then that’s fine too, I just…” He pauses for a breath. “I would like it to be more than that. And I’m sorry I hurt you, because I really didn’t intend for that to happen. Soonyoung had to spell it out for me. I guess I didn’t let myself believe that there was a chance, you know?”

Now Taeyong is blushing and smiling a little, looking at Jihoon with such bright eyes that it makes his head spin. 

Jihoon shuts himself up and watches Taeyong with baited breath, waiting anxiously to see if his apology will be accepted. 

“You know that you’re really cool and pretty, too, right?” Taeyong finally says with a chuckle before his expression turns serious again. “But if you don’t feel that way then we really don’t have to, I just loved hanging out with you, you know? And I’d kinda like to keep doing that, but only if you want to. If you don’t, then that’s… it’s cool.”

Jihoon breathes out a sigh of relief and smiles brightly, his face probably just as pink as Taeyong’s is. Taeyong looks so hopeful, and Jihoon thinks that there is no way he’d be able to refuse him now even if he wanted to (and Jihoon may be an idiot, but he’s not that big of an idiot). 

“No take backs,” he says with a grin. “We’re going out. On a date, a real one.”

Taeyong laughs, shaking his head in amusement, finally looking truly happy again. “Deal.”

“Are you free on New Year’s Eve?”

+1

They are, surprisingly, both free on New Year’s Eve. Taeyong’s digital presence is being felt somewhere on a stream watched by tens of thousands right now, but with all his stages being pre-recorded, Jihoon is the one graced with his living, breathing presence for the night.

And somehow, he seems really, really happy about it.

Jihoon is a funny sort of guy. It’s probably why Taeyong likes him so much. He’s not at all forthcoming about his feelings, or his thoughts, or even with simple information like what he ate for lunch today. But you get him going on the right topic, and he can talk without stopping. Or you find him at the right time, and he will laugh at your stories louder than anyone.

Taeyong wants to get to know this Jihoon more, figure out what makes him tick. So he doesn’t set up anything elaborate for their first date, but they meet at the exit to a subway, and go to a small family-run restaurant together.

“The year has been a crazy one,” Jihoon says, upon seeing the New Year’s broadcast on the TV. “I feel like I’m getting old now.”

Taeyong snorts. “Old for an idol, maybe. You’re still releasing music with the speed of a rookie, though.”

“You’re one to talk,” Jihoon laughs. “How many albums has NCT had this year?”

“I’m not on all of them,” Taeyong tries, but Jihoon’s pink cheeks and peals of laughter have him swooning, and he doesn’t try so hard to defend himself. “We do work hard. Really hard. That thought is what made me want to ask you out, actually.”

“How so?” Jihoon asks, sipping at his drink. They pause to welcome the arrival of their dishes, and both pick up chopsticks to begin eating.

“Last year, I ended up sitting with Mark and Haechan and telling them to get a life. Like, really, say no to things more often, and spend that time with family, or seeing friends, or doing something they like, or just… resting. They don’t do it enough, and I see the repercussions.”

He didn’t mean to take this into serious territory, but he’s been thinking about this lately.

“I thought I should probably practise what I preach,” he admits with a smile. “I do a lot too. And I love it, but I also know my twenties are passing me by. I want friendships, I want love, I want family. I shouldn’t have to sacrifice all of that to perform and make music. So when I have time—like now, or like by a vending machine, or like being dragged to a zoo on my day off—I want to make the most of it for me, my personal life. Not for my professional life, or my image. And if I like someone, I want to be able to ask them out, no matter what the consequences are. I thought to myself, how will I get any of that if I don’t try?”

Jihoon is nodding as he speaks, pausing for a moment to consider that. “You don’t make it easy for yourself by approaching other idols, though. Hard to be secretive, hard to find shared time.”

Taeyong shrugs, slightly embarrassed. “Honestly, you’re the first male idol outside my group I’ve actually tried to ask out. I think how busy we’ve been the last few months proves your point, but why should I ignore all the signs just because it might be difficult?”

Jihoon is half-hiding his expression behind his glass. “The signs?”

“That I like you.”

He’s blushing again. It’s really cute. “Why on earth do you like me, of all people?”

He makes a questioning noise in his throat. “Oh, I thought I was really obvious about that.”

“You probably were,” Jihoon says quickly. “Everyone else seems to know already.”

“Junhui and Chenle need to be separated if anyone wants secrets among us,” Taeyong says, and Jihoon laughs. “Seriously though, do you know what’s going on with them?”

“I was hoping you did!”

“I’m just rooting for them.”

“Me too,” Jihoon admits softly. “And you avoided the question.”

“I didn’t avoid anything. I was getting to that. I really admire you, Jihoon-ah, I don’t know why you continued to hang out with me after I was so ridiculously excited to work on music with you, that night in the studio. You’re really talented, and really humble about it, and I feel like I could learn a lot from you. But more than that—you’re not loud, you don’t take up space for the sake of it. But I know you’re worth the space, the attention. I’m so interested in everything you say, even the things we don’t have in common. I just… love being in your company. I don’t know why it’s so surprising to you.”

Jihoon hesitates. “Thank you,” he starts, awkward and avoidant, as he always gets around compliments. It’s so, so cute. (He needs to get a grip of himself.) “I guess it’s just… it’s not like I don’t know my worth. I know I’m good at what I do. I have friends who like me, so I must be a nice person to be around, right?

“You’re just… something else. Before you first talked to me, I couldn’t have imagined a reason why you would ever want to speak to someone like me. I love to perform, I love to sing. But you look like someone made to be seen, made to perform. I don’t know if any of this makes sense—obviously I don’t mean you’re shallow, or anything like that. I just couldn’t imagine I would feel… on your level, I guess. Talking to you changed my mind, though. We’re just the same, about a lot of things. You interest me too, Taeyong-hyung.”

He gets shivers hearing about Jihoon’s interest in him, and butterflies hearing his name from Jihoon’s mouth. Of course, he’d hoped there was something there for Jihoon to agree to this in the first place, but to hear it out loud is something different.

“I’ll do my best to continue to interest you,” he says, feeling a little flirty, though fumbling for something flirty to say. “And it won’t always involve making you look at the insects with me, I swear.”

Jihoon laughs again. “I wouldn’t mind if it did. You like them so much, it’s endearing. You’re seriously one of a kind.”

Though it’s intended to tease, he feels himself get jittery at the sentiment. He can’t quite believe they pulled this off—that he’s really sat here, on a date with Jihoon, on New Year’s Eve.

After dinner, they walk out to the Han River together, amongst a bustling crowd of other people out celebrating the new year. They walk and talk, and keep walking until they find themselves along the border of Seoul forest, where it meets the river. It’s quiet around here, away from the streets full of busy restaurants and bars.

“There’ll be a good view of the fireworks from here,” Jihoon says, sitting himself on the edge of a wall running along the river. Taeyong does the same, absent-mindedly checking the time. Only a few minutes to midnight.

“What do we do after this?” he asks, a little nervous. As much as he’s determined to make it work, he doesn’t want to be stuck with meeting Jihoon once every few months, texts in between, wondering looks from his group members as they try to find shared free time.

“We meet up again?” Jihoon says, half a statement, half a question. “And again, and again. Until we know what else we want. If all our friends can do it, I’m sure we can too. You might have to drag me out of the studio sometimes, though.”

“Of course. No problem. I love dragging people out of work. That’s the job of a leader, just as much as dragging them into work.”

Jihoon scoffs, smiling up at the sky. Taeyong watches him, reverent. “I’ll ask Junhui for tips. Maybe get the truth out of him while I’m there.”

“Good plan,” he says, and there’s a comfortable pause between them, with only the sound of lapping water.

He’s so, so lucky, he realises.

“I can’t wait to do this,” he admits out of nowhere, smiling probably quite goofily. Whatever. It’s been an emotional rollercoaster for him, the past few weeks. “Even if it doesn’t go anywhere, I’m really excited to try.”

Jihoon nods at him. “I like that. Let’s make it what we can.”

A cheer goes up further along the river. Overhead, green sparks fill the sky, reflecting on the gentle river in front of them.

“Here’s to that,” he says, watching Jihoon’s body language, trying to tell if now is the right time to lean in…

Jihoon turns his body Taeyong’s way, eyes not quite meeting his, cheeks rosy. “Here’s to that,” he repeats, looking at Taeyong’s mouth.

Taeyong smiles, leaning in, then pausing, giving Jihoon time to consider.

Jihoon’s eyes flick over his face. Then, surprising Taeyong, he leans in too, landing the kiss on his lips as light explodes into colour.