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“Look, normally I wouldn’t pry this much, but I have to know,” Bowie says, sitting down next to Zee. “When are you asking out Emma?”
Zee stares at him. “What?”
“You’re gonna ask out Emma?” MK exclaims. “How come you never told me?”
“Uh, you didn’t tell anyone that you were gonna ask out Julia,” Damien says.
“That’s ‘cause I didn’t ask exactly her out.”
“Oh?” Bowie says. “Come to think of it, I don’t believe I know that whole story…”
“Because it’s none of your business,” Julia says, walking by their table. Without looking up from her phone, she stops and holds out her hand. “Gimme back my necklace, or I’ll throw you across the room.”
Grinning, MK extracts a necklace from their bottomless pockets and hands it to Julia. She leans down and gives them a kiss before strutting away.
“I love that woman,” MK sighs.
“It’s still so weird seeing you two be mushy,” Bowie says. “Or at least, your version of mushy.”
“Could she really throw you across the room?” Damien asks.
“Is that even a question?” MK says. “I’m tiny, and she’s Julia.”
Zee sips their soda. “Didn’t she once tackle you in a parking lot?”
“She did what?” Bowie snickers.
“How did you even know about that?” MK demands.
Zee shrugs.
“Did she really tackle you in a parking lot?” Damien asks. His eyes widen. “Wait… is that how you two got together?”
Groaning, MK sinks further into their jacket.
“I’ll take that as a yes.”
“Okay, I need to hear this story after Zee tells me how they’re gonna ask out Emma,” Bowie says.
Zee blinks. “What?”
“Look, it’s gonna happen any day now, so let me help you out! I’m her bestie, I know what she likes, and you may be weird but it’s in a harmless and actually kind of sweet way that I think is really good for her.”
“Uh, thanks? I—”
“You’re not allergic to cats, right? Because you should totally take her to a cat cafe. It’s a classic coffee first date with a twist. Emma’s always wanted a cat, but her mom’s allergic, so she can’t get one until she moves out. But she loves cats! A cat cafe will make her sooo happy.”
“I like cats,” Zee says. “I have a cat named Noodle.”
“Believe me, I know,” Damien says.
MK raises an eyebrow. “That was oddly emphasized.”
“I sit next to Emma in history class, and whenever Ms. McGrady gives us free time, she shows me all the pictures Zee sends her of Noodle. She really loves that cat.”
“Noodle’s a great cat,” Zee says.
“Awesome, so you can take her to a cat cafe,” Bowie says. “Do you want any help picking out your outfit?”
“You’re not allowed to give anyone fashion advice with the green beans you wear for pants,” Julia says.
MK gives her a high five as she passes their table.
“At least I don’t rely on being conventionally attractive to make up for a lack of style!” Bowie calls after her.
She flips him off.
“You’re blushing,” Damien tells MK.
“My girlfriend is mean and hot.”
“Barf,” Bowie says. “Seriously though, Zee, if you want outfit advice, I’m here.”
“Cool,” Zee says. “I totally appreciate that. But, uh… I’m a little confused about this ‘asking out Emma’ thing.”
“You can do it over text if you’re nervous, but face to face communication shows more proactivity,” Damien says. “But either way, you just gotta say something like, ‘Hey, I really like you, would you want to go on a date with me?’”
“To a cat cafe,” MK adds.
“To a cat cafe,” Damien repeats.
Bowie reaches over and pats Zee’s shoulder. “I know it can be scary, but you’ve got this!”
“Right,” Zee says. “Why am I asking out Emma, again?”
“…Because you want to date her?”
“Wait, I do?”
Bowie drops his fork. “Zee.”
“Uh, aren’t you crushing super hard on her?” MK asks. “Why is this coming as a surprise?”
“I really don’t know what you’re talking about,” Zee says. “Did I space out or something?”
“Not that I’m aware of,” Damien says.
“Zee,” Bowie says through gritted teeth. “Tell me you like Emma and you haven’t just been leading her on this whole time.”
“Of course I like Emma! She’s awesome. She’s, like, super passionate and silly and athletic and one time she lost her scrunchie so I gave her a hair tie fully expecting to never see it again only she made sure to give it back the next day and thanked me for it again and I thought that was really cool of her.”
“That’s actually kinda sweet, but do you like like her?”
Zee taps their chin. “I dunno, brah. That’s a big question and I’ve never really thought about it before.”
“Oh, come on!” Julia says, marching toward their table. “I don’t like either of you, and even I know you’ve totally got a thing for her! She won’t shut up about whatever funny story you told her or nice thing you said to her every time I get stuck next to her in the lunch line. According to her, you text her good morning and good night every single day! That’s total relationship behavior!”
“We don’t do that,” MK points out.
“It’s relationship behavior for lame couples.”
“No it’s not,” Bowie says.
“Also, why do you keep walking back and forth past our table?” Damien asks. “This is like the third time in the last five minutes. Where are you even going?”
“None of your business, nerd.”
Zee chuckles. “Aww, you wanna keep seeing MK without having to hang out with other people, right?”
“Wh—“ Julia blushes. “I’m not—“
“You totally are,” Bowie says, grinning.
“You wanna see me,” MK sing-songs.
Julia huffs, glaring at Zee. “How can you be aware of that and not your own crush on Emma?”
“I thought it was obvious.”
“And your crush on Emma isn’t?” Damien says.
“Never really thought of it in terms of a crush,” Zee says. “I just know I like Emma.”
“Yes, but do you like like her?” Bowie asks. “This is important, Zee—because she likes you.”
“Like, like likes?”
“Like like likes.”
“Like like like like like,” MK mocks.
Julia plops down next to them. “That word has now lost all meaning to me.”
“Emma really like like likes—“ Zee frowns, “no, wait, that’s one too many—”
“She definitely has a crush on you,” Bowie says.
“Cat pictures, remember?” Damien says. “There’ve been a few times where she meant to say ‘Zee’s cat is so cute’ and ended up saying ‘Zee is so cute’ and got all flustered but totally did not refute it.”
“She thinks I’m cute?”
“Remember when you wore your hair down for my back to school party?” Bowie asks. “Yeah, it was weeks before she stopped talking about how much she liked it.”
“Okay,” Zee says, “okay, okay, Emma likes me. Like, likes me. Like, like likes me. Like—“
“I’m gonna cut you off there,” MK says.
“Thank you,” Julia says. “Stop the annoying train in its tracks.”
“Anything for you, babe.”
“You two still confuse me as a couple,” Damien says. “I’m not hating! I’m too scared of you both to hate. I just don’t get it sometimes.”
“Enough about them,” Bowie says. “Zee. My best friend is head over heels for you and I need to know if you like her back or not.”
“I told you, I don’t know!”
“Just think about it! How does Emma make you feel?”
“Happy,” Zee says. “I like talking to her. She has all this great energy. And she’s always down to try new things. She was super freaked out when I taught her how to skateboard but she still did it. And one time my leg fell off and Ripper laughed and she hit him over the head with my leg. And then she apologized ‘cause she wanted to stand up for me but she didn’t think about whether or not bonking Ripper with my leg would damage it and she felt bad. She didn’t damage it though. And then she apologized to Ripper ‘cause it turns out he wasn’t laughing at me, he was laughing at something Millie said. I dunno if he forgave her or not ‘cause she whacked him on the head pretty hard and Scary Girl wouldn’t stop talking about his skull—”
“Zee,” Bowie says. “Focus. Emma.”
“Right, right, Emma. Emma! Aw man, Emma. She’s awesome. One time in gym class she rolled down an entire hill and got covered in dirt just to win a game of capture the flag. Oh yeah, and I got her this butterfly hair clip for her birthday and I love it when she wears it because when she sees me she’ll smile and point to it. She, like, glows when she gets all excited about something. Once when we were studying I fell asleep on her shoulder and she let me sit there and sleep on here even though she had to be uncomfortable because we were sitting on the floor ‘cause she wanted to braid my hair and—”
“Oh my god, enough with the sappy stuff!” Julia says. “Zee, do you wanna kiss her or not?”
A blissful, lovestruck smile spreads across Zee’s face.
“Yeah,” they says, resting their chin in their hands. “I wanna kiss her. I like like Emma. A lot.”
“We know,” Damien and MK chorus.
“It’s about time you figured it out,” Bowie says. “Now tell her that.”
“You’re right, I gotta!” Zee jumps to their feet. “Emma!”
“Wh—I didn’t mean right now!” Bowie calls, but Zee is already sprinting out of the cafeteria.
“For someone who lost their leg last year to an angry chihuahua, they sure can move fast,” Julia says.
MK raises an eyebrow. “An angry chihuahua? Who told you that?”
“Uh, Zee?”
“Weird, ‘cause I overheard them telling Caleb about how they got into a plane crash in the mountains and a falling suitcase smashed their leg into jelly.”
“They told me they went in for an appendectomy and got mistaken for another patient who was getting their leg amputated ‘cause they had gangrene,” Damien says. “And Zee got amputated instead!”
“I heard they got trapped spelunking and had to gnaw off their own leg to escape,” Bowie says, “which in retrospect, I probably shouldn’t have believed right off the bat.”
“They told everyone these insane lies, and we’re just now realizing that?” Julia asks.
MK nods. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Zee might be craftier than they look.”
“You think they were messing with us about this whole Emma thing too?” Damien asks.
The four look at one another, before all saying—
“Nah.”