Chapter Text
Cyno had never been in a motel room before. He certainly hadn’t expected this night to end inside of one, either, no matter how essential it might be to some people’s definition of a date.
A date. Right. It was really happening, wasn’t it? This night…it definitely was one of the most important ones of Cyno’s life, yet one that had chased him further out of his comfort zone than he remembered being. Ever.
He was reminded of this fact every time he dared to sneak a peek at his companion, standing next to him in the entryway of the modestly sized and furnished room - every time, just the sight of him was enough to make Cyno’s blood rush desperately through his veins and for his heart rate to speed up even more, despite the embarrassing fact that it hadn’t stopped thumping madly in hours.
He wasn’t surprised that Alhaitham showed no sign of sharing Cyno’s nervousness - hadn’t done so even once since the two of them had met at the school library hours ago.
It really had been hours, hadn’t it? To Cyno, it felt like so much more and so much less all the same.
He had made considerable progress with his Ancient Language research paper, managing a day’s work in hardly a facet of one. Alhaitham was every bit as brilliant as his fans and enemies alike gave him credit for - which Cyno had been long aware of, of course.
Even now, the scene remained vivid before his eyes. It made his cheeks flame when he thought back - the murmur of the students around them fading into the background along with every memory of their surroundings, rendered totally insignificant in the face of Alhaitham sitting next to him, smelling faintly of freshness and the forest and so unlike the dusty shelves around them, leaning in close enough for Cyno to feel his body heat, commenting on Cyno’s work, his deep and soothing voice quiet enough for only Cyno to hear. It prickled in his fingers when he thought about Alhaitham reaching out to point to a specific line, to draw Cyno’s attention back to a certain word he had just written, their fingers touching accidentally and sending a tiny shockwave through Cyno’s entire body.
Dinner had been every bit as pleasant as their study session - and no less nerve-wracking. The steak had been delicious, not that it had helped Cyno force down more than a handful of bites - his gut had felt like it consisted of winding snakes as he fought down the urge to fidget atop the undoubtedly expensive cushion of his seat, as he wondered if his attire felt as out of place to everyone else as it did to him, if dressing up more than usual had been the wrong choice - the black dress shirt had definitely been too much, right? Clothes like that didn’t even look good on him.
He kept agonizing over being impolite for not eating more - he totally was, wasn’t he? He was definitely staring way too much, too… But despite all of that, he felt unusually energetic and jittery in the best possible way, to a point at which sitting still became an even more difficult task. Not a healthy combination, he could tell.
In between choosing a meal, cutting their steaks and eating - more or less - they hadn’t talked much, although Cyno couldn’t say he had expected much else. He knew for a fact that neither of them was normally very fond of conversation, let alone one to force it in order to break the silence between them that had never been stiff in the first place.
Even so, he hadn’t accounted for what Alhaitham had pointed out after putting down his menu: “It is said that communication ensures the best possible experience on a date. That being said, don’t expect me to bother with pointless smalltalk.”
Honestly, Cyno hadn’t quite known how to react at first - fortunately, as the minutes passed, it became clear that there was no need for him to even think about it, let alone worry. Rather, he felt himself being pulled along, adjusting to Alhaitham like it was second nature, be it in conversation or in comfortable silence. It was only when Alhaitham asked about his experiences in law school, his sharp eyes trained to Cyno rather than his meal, that Cyno understood: Alhaitham had clarified that he refused to have smalltalk with Cyno, that he refused to waste time with unnecessary pleasantries. Which, in turn, meant that the things they did discuss, Alhaitham was truly curious about. This must mean that at least to some extent, Alhaitham cared. He cared about Cyno’s studies, Cyno’s opinions, Cyno’s likes and dislikes in terms of books, hobbies, food - even their chosen restaurant was proof of that. And so on. The thought alone made Cyno feel like he was floating on clouds.
Cyno got to ask about the facets of Alhaitham that he had always wondered about but had never had the chance to find out: the books he liked to read (“Encyclopedias, the more detailed the better.”), his preferred sports (“I work out alone, team sports aren’t my cup of tea.”), his relationship with Kaveh (“You’re acquainted with him as well? My sincerest condolences. Although unlike me, you seem to at least have the option to avoid running into him - I’m jealous.”).
It wasn’t much compared to the mountain of questions that had accumulated in Cyno’s mind over the past two years but time was limited and he hadn’t dared ask his more creepy personal questions (Alhaitham’s family circumstances, his thoughts about the past evening, the reason why Yae Miko seemed to have it out for him, his sexuality, his sleeping habits, his past relationships… and on the list went).
There would be time later - whenever later might be. Or so he naively allowed himself to hope.
Either way, speaking with Alhaitham, eating across from him, sharing his silence - it had been the happiest Cyno had felt in ages. Only the events of the previous evening came close - those few sacred moments in which Cyno had lost himself in Alhaitham’s heavenly kiss and later the minutes in which Alhaitham had made him feel important, wanted, not only by making the promise of doing so again.
He had been overjoyed to find out that Alhaitham didn’t intend for their date to end just yet. A simple question of “Why don’t we head to a motel next?” had had Cyno hooked, screaming internally and on the outside, trembling with excitement as he pressed out a weak yet excited affirmative.
But now, standing in front of a unfamiliar double bed in an equally as foreign room, watching Alhaitham who had made himself comfortable on the mattress and pulled out his book without a second glance, the silence feeling no bit as comfortable as it had before, Cyno couldn’t help but wonder if he had missed his chance. It was inevitable, facing that sight, for insecurity to slowly take over.
Had he done something wrong? Had Alhaitham decided he was boring, now that his questions were answered? Had he determined Cyno as not worthy? Had he been reminded of the worlds that lay between them at last, remembering that Cyno didn’t deserve to even breathe the same air as an unreachable star such as himself?
The events of the past two nights had been a miracle, in the first place.
But then again… why the motel? Why take Cyno here if Alhaitham had decided he was done with him? Was there… something else? Was Alhaitham maybe waiting for something specific? Something he wanted Cyno to do? There had to be a reason. Alhaitham never did anything without one.
Cyno’s common sense told him that it was obvious, considering both location and context but would Alhaitham really want to… with Cyno of all people? No, he was getting way ahead of himself there.
As though sensing his distress, Alhaitham looked up, one perfect gray eyebrow raised in question. Gods, he was gorgeous, even- no, especially with his hair a little disheveled after a long day and his jewel-like eyes looking just a little more tired around the edges than Cyno had ever seen them, especially from just a few feet away, even though they had lost none of their captivating sharpness. The sight of him made Cyno’s breath hitch every time without fail - the intensity of his gaze made Cyno’s knees go pathetically weak.
“You don’t want to wash up first? Are you not tired yet?”
Not at all, Cyno was buzzing with adrenaline for the umpteenth time that evening. Honestly, it was a little concerning that his body was still producing more of the hormone.
But what was Alhaitham implying, exactly? If he assumed Cyno was tired… did that mean they were just going to wash up and then… sleep? Without anything at all? That wasn’t how this kind of situation usually went, was it? Sure, Cyno hadn’t really dared to think about certain… options… but the tiny part of him that had considered getting closer to Alhaitham tonight in ways that went beyond simply emotional shrunk to a disappointed lump at the words. There had been the tiniest bit of fear, too, but nothing compared to the anticipation of… No. He wasn’t going there.
Then again… he shouldn’t be jumping to conclusions. Nothing was set in stone yet… right?
-
Any bit of hope Cyno had held onto had dissipated by the time he was tucked away under the covers, hardly even noticing how comfortably soft the motel’s bathrobe was, with Alhaitham sitting on the other side of the bed, once more focused on his book. He had taken off his headphones, placing them on the nightstand and granting Cyno a full view of his ears - Cyno had never thought that he would consider someone’s ears handsome, let alone to this extent, but here they were.
Part of Cyno was squealing at the sight of his crush in such domestic clothing, not to mention so close to him, as well as at the thought of sharing a bed with Alhaitham. But most of Cyno remained painfully conscious of the non-physical, yet suffocatingly present distance between them.
Yes, he had been enjoying the silence before, yes, he had been over the moon with happiness just being near Alhaitham, on a date with him… but even so, Cyno had expected more. He knew of how dangerous this kind of hope was but in the face of the situation, was he not allowed to wish for just one more conversation? Even just one more look from Alhaitham, a simple acknowledgment, no matter how small. Anything Alhaitham would give him, really - Cyno would gobble it up like a starving animal, never forgetting it for as long as he lived. If what meant so incomparably much to Cyno required so little effort from Alhaitham, it should… it shouldn’t be too much to ask now, should it?
Then, in that case… was it alright for him to just ask? Was he allowed to? To request something, anything at all, from Alhaitham? Could he…
“…Alhaitham.”
For a horrifying second, Cyno found himself imagining Alhaitham not responding, simply ignoring him, like Cyno was no longer worth the attention. But then the moment had passed and Alhaitham was looking right at him again, even going so far as to close his book and put it aside on the nightstand.
It made little sense for Cyno’s heart to leap into his throat with delight at such a simple action but then again, it wasn’t like he could help it.
Only after overcoming the wave of relief washing over him did it occur to him that he had no idea what he even wanted to say. Granted, Cyno had never been good with words, used to only speaking up when it was necessary - he had no experience with the nerve-wracking feeling of being put on the spot like this. It was embarrassing, remaining silent even though he had been the one to address Alhaitham first.
Now, just what could he say?! There were a few things on his mind, all of them located somewhere between awkward and borderline inappropriate. There was no way he could ask either of them, so what-
“Say, are you the type to cuddle up to someone else once you fall asleep?”
“Huh?”
Cyno hadn’t really just made that unintelligible sound, had he? While it might be the perfect way to express his haywire thoughts of confusion at Alhaitham’s beyond unexpected question, this was no way to try and impress the school idol, especially not from a nobody like himself. (He didn’t quite dare to assure himself that if he really had been that insignificant, Alhaitham likely wouldn’t have indulged him up until now.)
He had to correct this as quickly as possible. It would be unlike him to answer with anything but the truth and he had no intention of lying to Alhaitham, not ever, but… wouldn’t the truth be embarrassing in the worst of ways, one more reason for Alhaitham to look down on him?
But then again, he had already come this far, what was one more bullet to bite?
“I wouldn’t know… I’ve never had the chance to find out.”
He forced down a gulp as he hurried to check Alhaitham’s expression and… nothing. If Alhaitham thought any less of him because of his hesitation, it didn’t show in the sharp but thoughtful look he directed at Cyno before turning away, apparently having dropped the topic for good.
Once more, Cyno felt like he had been left out in the cold. What had that been about? Had there been anything more to Alhaitham’s question? Where had it come from? What was Cyno supposed to make of it now? ‘Nothing’ would have been the obvious answer - it was no use expecting anything more.
So why couldn’t Cyno help trembling with anticipation even now, feeling nervous but curious - thrilled - even after Alhaitham was about to turn off the lights?
“So that’s it?” Cyno found himself blurting before he had consciously allowed his tongue to move. “We’re not doing anything at all? We’re not…” But this was as much as he managed in his pathetic attempt, any more words lost when his throat constricted, like Cyno’s body itself was trying to suffocate him. Like this was the better alternative to what he had wanted to say and maybe- maybe that wasn’t so far from the truth.
Although, unfortunately, it wasn’t like the words left unsaid mattered much when Alhaitham turned to him, looking entirely unimpressed, an eyebrow arched. His expression left no doubt that he had understood, either way - but even so, to Cyno’s great relief, there was no worse emotion than curiosity visible in his eyes now.
“Do you want to have sex with me?”
“Yes!” Cyno answered too quickly, too enthusiastically, only slamming a hand over his mouth in horror after the damage had already been done. He gulped heavily as the realization of his response sank in with the absoluteness of a massive weight chained to his ankles, meant to pull him to the very bottom of the sea.
It was all or nothing, then, wasn’t it? The fact that Alhaitham had definitely known the truth regardless of Cyno’s answer was hardly any reassurance at all. Which, however, didn’t justify Cyno putting the final nail in the coffin as well but once more his treacherous mouth blabbered on without permission. “…I mean… We’re not going to?”
Alhaitham didn’t look the least bit surprised - there wasn’t any shift in his expression at all as he answered, curtly, like this was the only reply Cyno’s bold proposition deserved. “No. I crossed that off my list a while ago.”
Before Cyno had a chance to make sense of the underlying meaning behind the statement, Alhaitham had switched off the lights, leaving the both of them in complete darkness. “But I appreciate your honesty. Have a good night, Cyno.”
Which left Cyno with no other choice but to give up and lay back down on the mattress, staring up at the black ceiling and pathetically pretending that his eyes didn’t feel suspiciously wet.
So this was where he stood with Alhaitham, huh? Of course it would be too much to hope that Alhaitham’s questionable interest extended beyond helping Cyno with his homework, having dinner together and apparently, sleeping next to each other in a motel room. How could he have allowed himself to get carried away when he didn’t even understand how it had come to all of that in the first place? He still failed to understand how Alhaitham had even bothered with him through the past half of the day - and despite all of that he had honestly expected more? He had expected Alhaitham to sexually desire him? Was there any way for him to sink even lower than this?
Needless to say, Cyno prepared himself to face a sleepless night after all of the nerves, excitement and anxiety of the past evening, especially with all the thoughts and questions still running rampant in his mind. First and foremost, there was the question of how does Alhaitham feel about all of this? What is he thinking? What are his motives? Since it clearly couldn’t be as simple as Alhaitham wanting to have a date with Cyno out of interest in him or, heaven forbid, attraction. No matter how Cyno looked at it, the idea only became more ridiculous, especially after the past five minutes.
Too bad that it was impossible to read the truth in Alhaitham’s demeanor, actions or words - the man and all of his thoughts remained a walking mystery to, Cyno would bet, everyone he knew.
And there were so many more questions that needed to be addressed, even though Cyno had little hope of solving any of them, like Alhaitham’s mention of some… list he had - one that Cyno had failed to make much sense of so far.
But for some reason, against all odds, sleep found him both easily and quickly that night, much more so than Cyno had spent years getting used to. Suddenly, the insomnia that usually kept him awake night after night, the paranoia of being in danger if he so much as let his guard down, all of it seemed to have dissipated in a flash. It was as though Alhaitham’s calm breathing, merely a foot away, had some sort of comforting and reassuring effect on Cyno. And here he had thought it would be close to impossible to relax with someone else - someone other than Tighnari - sleeping this close to him.
Cyno soon drifted off into a deep, nightmare-less sleep. His exhausted body and mind happily welcomed it. When he drifted out of awareness, his last thought was that Alhaitham’s presence felt more comforting than even Tighnari’s had ever been.
-
Unfortunately, the happy and peaceful feeling of safety wasn’t meant to last - but then, what good thing ever was?
When Cyno woke up, he was alone once more. Which, while not unusual, had never left a bitter taste in his mouth like it did this morning. Never had the absence of someone else made him feel so cold it made him shiver despite the warm rays of sunshine flooding the room. The fact that neither the sunlight nor Alhaitham’s departure had woken him were small miracles in themselves, considering that he was usually a very light sleeper who startled at the tiniest movement. For a habit this persistent to break now, of all times - it made Cyno feel even more sad and lonely than he already was. The feeling manifested as a painful pang behind his ribcage.
Cyno could tell he was about to be swallowed by a full-blown panic attack for all of those reasons, most of all because of the feeling of having been abandoned - though really, he should have expected it. Had he really thought Alhaitham would stay? With him, of all people? Stupid. Idiotic. Pathetic.
It was just in time that he noticed another change in the room that immediately grounded him, more so than even Tighnari’s attempts at providing comfort could have managed. There was something else that he had slept through, which was probably the biggest surprise of them all: At some point that night, he must have rolled over to what had originally been Alhaitham’s side of the bed, only to remain there. The bed beneath him was warm and when Cyno focused, he could still smell Alhaitham in the covers, that subtle note of mint and cedar and parchment that he had only recently become familiar with. (Which didn’t mean it hadn’t burned itself into his mind as though he had known it forever.)
It took all of his self-control to keep from burying his face in the mattress.
Cyno’s own side of the bed was completely cold to the touch when he reached out - it must have been a while, then. But Alhaitham must have been gone for at least as long, right? The sun was pretty high in the sky, suggesting that it was close to midday - which was yet another surprise. Cyno usually never slept this long - almost as though he was physically unable to.
But maybe, just maybe, what if he had unconsciously snuggled up to Alhaitham in the middle of the night? In that case, his current location would be proof that Alhaitham hadn’t been bothered enough to push him away, or possibly-
No. He was overthinking this, searching for sparks of fiery hope in a desert of ice. He was being naïve, as per usual - because something about Alhaitham never failed to light that naivety and foolish hope within him. But enough was enough.
Cyno fully intended to get dressed as quickly as was humanly possible and leave the motel without giving his mind any further opportunity to drift off into dangerous waters but his efforts were rendered useless almost immediately - as soon as he had sat up and instinctively glanced at the nightstand next to him. There was a small note, written on it two sentences of neat, elegant handwriting that Cyno would’ve recognized anywhere.
I will be leaving for class. Feel free to take all the time you need.
There it was again, the spark of hope that Cyno never quite managed to nip in the bud, even though he knew for a fact that his best bet would be to drown it entirely before it could grow into a bonfire.
-
Cyno must have gone insane over that little bit of hope that he had allowed to fester in his mind over the past two days, starting with that fateful kiss on Dehya’s party. That was, after all, the only possible explanation why he found himself seeking out Alhaitham only hours after having left the motel that same morning.
All it took was a glimpse of gray hair peeking out of the group of seniors that was currently pouring out of the history classroom across the hall for Cyno to stop dead in his tracks. Tighnari, who ended up colliding with Cyno’s back due to the unexpected lack of movement, was not amused.
“Cyno, what are you-” he began, slight irritation audible in his voice, although it turned to exasperation as soon as he followed Cyno’s gaze. “Of course. Should’ve guessed as much.”
The reaction was justified, Cyno had to admit - Tighnari had been on the receiving end of his anxious energy and twitchy behavior for the entirety of their organic chemistry class, after all. While it was only an elective class for Cyno that he had chosen out of personal interest, Tighnari’s major required him to pass with the best possible grade - which was certainly one of the reasons why he had pulled Cyno aside halfway through their group experiment to request an explanation. “I don’t need to tell you that you almost broke that test tube just now. What’s wrong, Cyno? You’re being more clumsy than yesterday. You’re never clumsy with your actions, especially not during experiments.”
Even though Cyno had refused to answer, he had assumed Tighnari had had the right hunch all along - which was now confirmed without a doubt by his best friend’s reaction. “So, when you didn’t come back to the dorms yesterday, you were finally out with him.” It was not a question.
Yet, nothing in Tighnari’s tone or expression had indicated that he was even remotely happy about this development. Instead, his frown was filled with the same worry that had dominated his expression ever since he had returned to their shared dorm room after Dehya’s party. They had not talked about the events of that night, mostly due to Cyno remaining quiet in an attempt to sort out his own confusion first. While it had both surprised and relieved him that Tighnari hadn’t inquired about either the kiss nor Cyno’s questionable relationship with Alhaitham, the constant concern in those usually so reassuring forest-colored eyes had unsettled Cyno more than he liked to admit.
At least the reason for Tighnari’s behavior became clear as he continued to speak now, a deep sigh escaping his lips. “Listen, Cyno, I know it’s not my place to interfere with whatever is happening between you and Alhaitham - not yet, at least. But I’ll have to ask you to be careful. We both know how much he means to you, we both know what your affection for him is doing to you. And… if you ever feel the need to talk about any of it, know that I’m waiting for you.”
Cyno didn’t know how to respond - in fact, he doubted that he wanted to at all. Or maybe it was more like he couldn’t, he couldn’t think about any of the truths Tighnari was trying to remind him of, he couldn’t acknowledge the warning signs he had heeded for the past two years - not now, not with the determination festering within him to go through with his reckless but irresistibly tempting idea.
While there had been times yesterday when he and Alhaitham had gotten along better than Cyno would have ever dared to hope, he knew approaching Alhaitham again now was probably pushing his luck. He would definitely be a bother if he casually walked up to Alhaitham like this. It was likely that Alhaitham didn’t even want Cyno to reach out to him first - or ever.
But after the past two nights, had there ever been a time in which his chances had been better? Would there ever be a time like this again? The answer was as clear as day: it was now or never.
“I’ll see you at the dorms,” Cyno quickly excused himself before Tighnari could voice any of protests that he definitely had. Already, Cyno’s heart was pounding heavily in his chest, his breaths coming out short and slightly ragged, as though he was running a marathon instead of preparing to greet the upperclassman who he had spent the past night with. That very night almost felt like a distant dream, now, and he would have doubted its existence altogether if the memory of waking up in Alhaitham’s warmth hadn’t still been etched into his brain.
He could see Alhaitham clearly now as the seniors dispersed on their way to their next destination. He was focused on a book, as per usual - the very same one he had been reading the previous night, Cyno noticed with a leap of his heart - and his headphones were securely placed on his ears, blocking out whatever part of his surroundings he wished to ignore.
Gods, Alhaitham looked beautiful. And those clothes… weren’t they the same ones that Alhaitham had been wearing last night? The thought made heat rise to Cyno’s cheeks.
Cyno remained hesitant to call out to Alhaitham, even as he had made his way across the hall and was standing a mere five feet away. Only now did he realize that he had forgotten about a very important detail. Sure, it was one matter if Alhaitham wanted to talk to him at all, if he would consider it a waste of time, if he thought last night concluded all of the business they had with each other - none of his behavior had been any indication of how he expected Cyno to act afterwards, if he cared at all.
But what would Cyno do if Alhaitham didn’t want anyone to see them together now, especially not his fellow classmates? What if it embarrassed Alhaitham to have other people think he had any connection to an outsider like Cyno? A simple conversation such as the one he had been aiming for, just what would it do to Alhaitham’s reputation? Seeing the school idol talking to Cyno - if he even got that far - what would others think of him? Sure, they had hung out in the library and had had dinner together but… that had been on Alhaitham’s terms. This time was totally different, wasn’t it?
Cyno forced himself to push the thought away. It was dumb, even considering this possibility. Alhaitham didn’t care what people thought of him. He didn’t give a damn about his reputation - none of that was an issue here, was it? But even so, should Cyno really-
“Cyno. Is there anything else you need?”
When he looked up, shaken out of his thoughts by the familiar voice, Cyno found himself face to face with Alhaitham once more. Alhaitham, who had shut his book, who was looking at Cyno, only Cyno, like their surroundings mattered as little to him as they always did, like Cyno was the only person around worth addressing, and on Alhaitham’s face, there was no negative emotion, no displeasure at the sight of Cyno, just his usual impassiveness, paired with the tiniest hint of curiosity.
Oh Archons, he remembered Cyno’s name.
It was a detail too small to be this happy about, not to mention stupid. Of course Alhaitham would know and remember Cyno’s name after yesterday. Alhaitham was rumored to have the most impeccable memory in all of Sumeru University, for a reason, not like that would have been necessary to remember four simple letters.
Cyno’s heart was racing. What had he come here to say again? What had he wanted to talk about? His hands were twitching uncontrollably so he clenched them into fists. Dang, this had been a horrible idea. Absolutely horrible. He should leave now while he still could, before he made a total fool of himself again, before he regretted-
“Why don’t we discuss this somewhere else?” Alhaitham suggested, an eyebrow raised in expectation as he waited for Cyno to find his words. This must have been his interpretation of Cyno’s silence - he must assume Cyno wanted to talk about something too private to be mentioned in a university corridor overflowing with people. Well, he was not wrong - although Cyno wasn’t sure if his ability to communicate would improve or worsen if he was alone with Alhaitham.
“Follow me,” Alhaitham ordered, not bothering to wait for Cyno’s answering nod that never came, and turned to disappear into the sea of students. It took Cyno a moment to convince his feet to move - a moment that was almost long enough to separate him from Alhaitham and get lost between unfamiliar faces.
Alhaitham must have noticed Cyno’s difficulty with walking after him because a few seconds later, there was the tingling touch of Alhaitham’s hand grabbing Cyno’s wrist. His fingers eased Cyno’s out of their clenched state, allowing his hand to slide into Cyno’s as Alhaitham pulled him along, sending a wave of electricity through Cyno’s entire body in the process. Cyno’s legs felt wobbly, like badly made jelly - it was Alhaitham’s firm grip that helped him keep up when his own limbs failed to.
During all of that, he was still struggling with the overwhelming relief that flooded him at Alhaitham’s readiness to talk to him. To ensure the privacy of their conversation, despite the additional effort.
It wasn’t long until he found himself outside, in a secluded corner behind the university’s greenhouse that he hadn’t even known existed, hidden out of sight from the few students that passed by the lonely path.
That was one worry off of Cyno’s chest at least - so why was he still so much more tongue-tied than usual? And to make matters worse, Alhaitham was staring at him now, with his jewel-like gaze full of intensity that seemed sharp enough to cut right through Cyno’s skull and reveal every single thought inside of him. It made Cyno freeze solid under his scrutiny, like a rabbit staring back at a predator.
And maybe Alhaitham could see right through him, considering how incriminating his next question was. “Cyno, what is the relationship you want the two of us to have? Be honest with me.”
Even still, there was no movement in his unreadable expression, the intensity of his stare seeming to actively slow Cyno’s brain activity.
The answer Alhaitham demanded, it was an easy one to find, yet so much harder to admit out loud. Still, honesty was one of Cyno’s strong suits, few as they were, especially in a situation in which it seemed downright impossible to lie.
But even still, it took a painfully long time for Cyno to regain the ability to answer. The way the midday sun peeked out from a gray cloud above them, its rays enveloping Alhaitham’s face in an almost ethereal glow, definitely didn’t help with that.
Cyno’s hands were back to twitching uncontrollably, his heart a few erratic jumps away from beating out of his chest.
It must have been one of those beats that finally pushed the words past his vocal cords, letting them flow from his lips, breathlessly, a truth desperately hidden for two long and painful years, “I… I want to be with you.”
He swallowed heavily, forcing himself to continue. Easy as his first sentence had been to shove past his lips, every further word was a great struggle. “I want to… see you every day, to spend time together, to go on dates like we did yesterday, to kiss like we did at the party, and to… to be wanted by you just as much in return and to… to be able to… confide in you.”
He couldn’t look at Alhaitham. Gods, what was he doing?! “I… I want for us to be there for each other even when no one else is, without question, just… that. Whatever you’re willing to give me. Anything.”
Cyno knew he was blushing heavily, that his heart was about to give out any second now from the effort of breaking free from its cage, that the noise of his blood rushing in his ears made it hard to hear, that he was sounding like some hopeless sap, that Alhaitham was probably laughing at him right now, that Cyno still didn’t dare to look up at Alhaitham out of fear of his reaction, fear to see repulsion painted across his face at last, fear that the sight of it would break Cyno for good.
But as he slowly forced himself to calm down, to the point at which his ears were starting to work properly again, there was no condescending laughter. There was no sound of disgust and generally… nothing at all. At least not until Cyno looked up at last, fully expecting it to ruin him, only to find nothing yet again. Not a change in Alhaitham’s expression or posture, no oh-so small hint of surprise. And no reply, either, at least not until Cyno’s fearful eyes met his again.
Then, hardly noticeable, Alhaitham nodded. An acknowledgement of Cyno’s confession, if nothing else. “I see.”
He knew. Of course he had known all along. This was Alhaitham, after all - he was easily the most perceptive person Cyno had ever met.
There was silence, a long lasting, tense silence, too thick for Cyno to breathe, the pressure enough to rip him apart.
He shouldn’t have said that. Hadn’t it been obvious from the start? Known or not, he shouldn’t have put his feelings in words, not even this small part of them, now he couldn’t take it back, neither of them could pretend anymore, now Alhaitham would reject him without a second thought and-
“Alright.”
Cyno froze, his entire world stuttering to an abrupt halt. His mind was paralyzed with disbelief, all of his thoughts rendered useless, except for that little voice of factuality somewhere within that chose this moment of all times to speak up. That sounded nothing like a rejection.
But how in the name of the Archons would Cyno know, when Alhaitham’s face gave away nothing at all, not even if that one small word had been more than just Cyno’s hopeful imagination?
“What?” he found himself breathing out, hardly more than a whisper in the wind, even as he realized that Alhaitham did not, as a basic rule, repeat himself.
“I said, alright. I suggested we give this a shot.”
Still, there was no change in Alhaitham’s expression at all. But how could that be, when reality was catching up to Cyno now, when he felt like he was weightless, flying, unable to believe his luck, doubting that this could ever be real, that he could be this happy…
“You mean it?”
Why was he asking this, stupid, stupid, it must sound like he wanted Alhaitham to change his mind, like he didn’t truly-
“I mean it.”
He did, didn’t he? Alhaitham had really just announced that he was willing to be with Cyno, despite everything that Cyno was, everything that Alhaitham was, and it felt like a dream even though Cyno knew deep within that it wasn’t, knew it a little more with every passing second, and he was happy, so incomprehensibly happy…
“But in order for this to work, we’ll need some rules.”
…Huh?