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Truth or dare. The devil’s game. Nothing good ever comes from it, and Hanbin knows it all too well. It’d been a staple of his college experience—choosing between an embarrassing truth or drowning a couple of shots of some suspicious-looking alcohol, choosing between an embarrassing truth or public shame for the internet’s amusement. You know, the kind of things people who have yet to finish developing their frontal cortex do for funsies.
Despite this knowledge, the reasons behind his agreement to participate in this game on this particular day remain elusive. Maybe he does it to amuse the kids, maybe it’s borne out of boredom, or maybe it’s because he wants to hear a certain person—whose eyes shine as soon as the game is mentioned—share some embarrassing stories about himself. Whatever the reason, Hanbin himself is unsure of it.
Sitting on the floor gathered around the coffee table full of snacks, they’ve forgone alcohol this time, for obvious reasons. They must preserve the integrity of their little babies. It’s not comeback season, meaning they can indulge in the fine pleasures of life, such as stuffing your mouth with so many potato chips it can barely close. It’s not what Hanbin’s doing right now, not at all.
“You look cute,” Zhang Hao whispers mischievously, warm breath tickling his ear. They’re sitting next to each other, Hyung leaning to his side, no space left between their bodies. It’s always like this. As long as they share the same space, the need to be near is uncontrollable, an irresistible gravitational pull. “A real-life little hamster,” he adds with a little giggle and a playful poke to his made-of-potato cheek, sending Hanbin’s heart into a frenzy.
The unexpected compliment is so shocking to Hanbin’s little hamster brain, he can’t help but choke on the incommensurable amount of potato chips in his mouth. He swallows as much as he can and then violently coughs, feeling Zhang Hao’s large hand firmly patting his back. After what feels like an eternity, the coughing fit finally subsides, breathing returning to normal, leaving Hanbin red-faced and teary-eyed. Hyung magically produces a glass of water, which Hanbin eagerly gulps down, feeling relieved that there’s no more food stuck on his windpipe.
Everyone is staring at him with concerned expressions, tension thick enough to cut with a knife. Zhang Hao’s hand is still on his back, gently rubbing soothing circles. That's all he can feel. His chest hurts and so does his throat.
Gyuvin, always Gyuvin, is the one who breaks the silence. “Are you okay, Hanbin-hyung? We thought we’d lose you for a minute.”
“I’m okay,” Hanbin answers, going for nonchalance but failing miserably. His voice sounds weird from all the coughing and being deprived of oxygen for a little too long. “Just had too many chips in my mouth, that’s all.”
They all seem to move on quickly from Hanbin’s little outburst, except for Hao-hyung, who still wears a worried and somewhat guilty expression. And rightfully so, if Hanbin’s being honest. He is the cause of Hanbin’s near-death, but he’s keeping that secret with him to the grave. Calling him cute of all things…
“Sorry,” Hyung whispers, lips almost grazing the shell of his ear once more. He’s doing this on purpose. This little game they have, pushing boundaries without crossing the line, is driving Hanbin crazy.
His heart, still racing from the earlier incident, seems to speed up even more. If his mouth were still stuffed, he’d choke again. The proximity is overwhelming—the warmth radiating from Zhang Hao’s body, his smell, the soft caress of his hair against Hanbin’s cheek. It’s all too much, yet he doesn’t want to pull away. This is familiar, and it feels good.
“For what?” Hanbin asks, attempting to play it cool. But he fails, once again.
Zhang Hao contemplates him for a long time. It’s unnerving. Finally, he hums. “Nothing, I guess.”
Hanbin hears some commotion happening in the background. Right. The game. He forgot. He got a little too lost in the realm of being so in love with his friend he’d willingly choke on potato chips just to feel his comforting touch again.
He turns his attention to the rest, who seem to be having the time of their lives. It’s silly, the things they ask. Have you ever looked at yourself naked in front of the mirror? Ricky asks Jiwoong. The answer is obvious. Lick your toe, Gunwook dares Gyuvin, who obviously does it without a fuss. Call me Hyung, Yujin asks Taerae, who groans but does it anyway.
Hanbin’s laughing, bursting with happiness, until that one question. He knows what Gyuvin is trying to do; it’s written all over his face.
“Hao-hyung,” the malevolent not so little creature asks, “truth or dare.”
“Truth,” Zhang Hao answers, hand resting on the top of Hanbin’s thigh. He’s been massaging it for quite some time. A little higher, and things would definitely get dangerous.
Gyuvin isn't looking at Hao when those damned five words leave his mouth. He’s looking at Hanbin. “Tell us about your first kiss.”
This little shit. He knows about the feelings Hanbin harbors for their Hyung, has been witness to Hanbin's numerous meltdowns over them.
Zhang Hao doesn’t fret. His face remains calm, impassive. Hanbin, on the other side, wants to die. The last thing he wishes to hear about is Hyungs first kiss. It’s not that he lacks interest in what he has to say, but the thought gnaws at him. It should have been him, Hyung’s first kiss. No one else. He’s jealous over a faceless person.
“Nothing special really. We were both teenagers so it was kind of awkward, but it was nice overall.” Hanbin doesn’t look at Zhang Hao—whose hand remains on his thigh—as he answers the question. Instead, he tries but fails to make his ears stop working. Or maybe delete the information he’s just received from his brain. Neither works.
Gyuvin hums, the assault not yet over. “Was he your boyfriend?” he questions, only to be slapped by Ricky for violating the rules—no one gets two questions in a row. Hanbin is thankful for little kitty Ricky, considering the traumatic experience of hearing the love of his life—who doesn’t know is the love of his life—talk about his first kiss. Hearing about boyfriends would be like undergoing open-heart surgery without anesthesia.
The game continues. Hanbin is dared to meow, which is not embarrassing at all, rather something he enjoys doing just to see the delighted expression on Zhang Hao’s face as he claps his hands enthusiastically. Yujinnie seems to enjoy it as well, and Hanbin would do anything for that little kid.
His tranquility doesn’t last long though, when the malevolent not-so-little creature strikes again.
Hanbin knows this time the question will be directed at him. “Hanbin-hyung. Truth or dare.” The glint in Gyuvin’s eyes spells trouble, and Hanbin thinks the safest option is not to tempt fate. What kind of dare could Gyuvin be plotting, only he knows. It’s not far-fetched to think he might dare him to kiss Zhang Hao, or to confess his unyielding love for him, or something along those lines. Besides, Hanbin’s very open, so anything Gyuvin wants to ask, he will answer without a care.
Big mistake.
“Truth,” Hanbin answers, with all the confidence of someone who’s made the worst decision in his life without knowing it yet.
Gyuvin, the little shit, smiles so big he’s the spitting image of the Cheshire cat. “Tell us about your first kiss.”
Oh. Shit. Hanbin thinks, trying to keep the panic from showing on his face. The panic might not show (he’s wrong; his eyes are as big as saucers and his mouth is hanging open), but he can feel his face heating up from head to toe.
Well. This is awkward. At twenty-two-years old, he’s never kissed anyone, but he’s not about to admit that to eight other guys who have kissed people. Even Yujinnie, as far as he knows.
Gyuvin’s expression transforms from pleased with himself to utter shock. He gasps, and the words seem to bubble out of him, uncontrollable. “Hanbin-hyung hasn't had his first kiss yet?”
Everyone is silent, expectantly staring at Hanbin. It’s the second time that night he’s been the center of attention for the wrong reasons. Maybe he should have choked on those potato chips earlier. It would have saved him from the mortifying ordeal of having to witness Zhang Hao realize that he’s a lip-virgin. Zhang Hao, who obviously has so much experience in matters of love, who’s obviously kissed countless people. Hanbin has lost hope of anything ever happening between them.
Ricky, always Ricky, saves him from having to answer. He smacks Gyuvin so hard he’s sure the latter can see stars. “You’re making Hanbin-hyung uncomfortable, stupid. This should be fun.”
Gyuvin looks very guilty. Hanbin would feel bad for him if he weren’t so flustered at the moment and if his brain were capable of feeling something other than embarrassment. Gyuvin didn’t know, couldn’t have known, so it’s not like he did it on purpose. He just wanted to mess with Hanbin, knowing the feelings he harbors for Zhang Hao, and maybe make the latter a little bit jealous, just like Hanbin felt earlier.
“I’m sorry hyung, you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to,” his younger friend says, crestfallen.
Hanbin stands on slightly wobbly legs, which are totally because he was sitting in the same position for far too long, and not because his darkest and deepest secret has just been laid bare before the whole group. He makes his way towards Gyuvin, determined to reassure him. “It’s ok Gyuvinnie. You didn’t make me uncomfortable,” Hanbin says, ruffling his hair in a gesture of comfort.
It’s a lie though, he is uncomfortable. He feels all eyes on him, although it’s probably just his imagination. What’s not imaginary is Zhang Hao’s powerful stare, as if drilling holes into the back of Hanbin’s head. Hanbin wonders what he’s thinking, but in reality, he doesn’t want to know.
“I’m a little bit tired, so I’ll go to bed,” Hanbin announces. He knows he’s being a party pooper, but he doesn’t want to play anymore; he just wants to lay in bed, hug Ditto and sulk for the rest of the night. No one tries to convince him to stay, which he’s thankful for. The mood has already been ruined, at least for him.
He takes his sweet time washing up before bed, letting the shower run as hot as possible while trying to decipher the meaning behind the array of thoughts that plague his mind.
He’s never felt like he did today, self-conscious at his lack of love-life. It’s a fact he’s accepted with stride and, oftentimes, felt proud of. He knows how to be alone and enjoys it. While people usually need someone to feel whole, he doesn’t. Well, he didn’t. Past tense.
He could’ve kissed many people in university, had countless opportunities to do so. Girls used to follow him everywhere—even if he’s obviously gay,—and guys would practically throw themselves at him.
But for Hanbin, kissing is something intimate, something that must be done with someone you love and trust deeply, and Hanbin’s never felt that way about anyone. Until Zhang Hao. Tall and beautiful, inside and out, stirring emotions Hanbin never thought possible. But that’s another can of worms.
Before that train of thought can flourish and make him spiral even more, he hears a light knock on the bathroom door. “Hanbinnie, are you okay?” Zhang Hao asks.
His voice is muffled by the loud sound of water cascading down, but it still reaches him, managing to calm his rapid-beating heart. He’s overthinking this whole situation, a habit he’s prone to. It’s not as big and not as bad as his head is making it out to be.
“Yeah, coming out in a few minutes,” Hanbin responds.
“I’ll be waiting for you,” Hyung announces. There’s no way out of this conversation, it seems.
As soon as he steps into the room, he sees Hyung sprawled on his bed, surrounded by a nest of plushies— Dittos and hamsters. Taerae is nowhere to be seen. Hanbin has been abandoned by his roommate tonight, left to navigate this situation on his own.
Zhang Hao doesn't even let him sit, too impatient to verbalize what’s on his mind. “I have a question,” he states, with no inflection in his voice. It’s as if he’s conducting research and needs enough information to write a report.
Hanbin halts in his tracks. He was about to get into bed with Hao for their strictly platonic daily cuddling session, but he’s not sure he wants to do it now. Hanbin knows what Zhang Hao is about to ask.
“Are you here to make fun of me, Hyung?” Hanbin asks, feeling defensive and hot under the thick pajamas he chose to wear.
Zhang Hao furrows his eyebrows, looking confused. “What? No. I’d never do that, you know.”
Hanbin sighs. He’s too emotional tonight. It’s clouding his judgment. “Yeah, I do. Sorry,” he apologizes, sitting next to Zhang Hao on the bed. Hanbin refuses to look at him, even if he feels the fire of his eyes. He just stares at Ditto. And Ditto stares back. What would Ditto do, Hanbin wonders.
He should be honest. The truth is already out there, so he’d just be confirming what Hyung already knows. Or suspects.
Ditto seems to be smiling at him. If Hanbin concentrates hard enough, he can hear him. Fighting Hanbin-sshi, you can do it, Ditto says. Thank you for the encouragement, Ditto-nim, Hanbin responds, bowing to him in his head.
He can do it. He will do it right now.
“You don’t need to ask Hyung. I’ll tell you right away. I’ve never kissed anyone.”
It feels good to say it out loud. It wasn't as horrifying as he thought it’d be, but Hyung is silent, which makes him a little bit nervous. Hanbin finally gathers the courage to look at him. There’s nothing on his face that indicates he’s feeling anything out of the ordinary. Hanbin thought he’d see surprise, curiosity, or maybe disgust. Neither is present.
Hanbin is perplexed at Zhang Hao’s lack of reaction. “You won’t ask why?” Everyone always does when they find out. Objectively, he knows he’s good looking, and for some people that's enough reason to assume he’s experienced things he hasn’t.
“Ask why you haven’t kissed anyone?” Hanbin nods. Hyung seems confused again, furrowed brows and pouty mouth. Hanbin wants to chew on his lips; they always look so plump and juicy. He always gets some weird cannibalistic urges whenever he’s in the vicinity of him. “No, why would I do that?” he asks.
Hanbin shrugs. “Everyone always does.”
Hao-hyung moves, getting up and sitting right next to him on the edge of the bed. “I don’t think there has to be a reason, and if there is, I don’t need to know it. You just haven’t done it and there’s nothing wrong with it. You shouldn't feel ashamed,” he says, rubbing soothing circles on the small of Hanbin’s back.
“I didn’t…” Hanbin's first instinct is to lie, but Hyung knows him well, has always been able to see right through him, so he retracts immediately. “Well, usually I don’t. But today… I guess it just caught me off guard.” Among other things. Like hearing about Zhang Hao’s first kiss and feeling jealous over that undeserving bastard, for example. But that’s only for Hanbin to know.
Hyung hums, contemplative. He keeps rubbing circles, and it feels good, relieving his sore muscles. The room is silent for a few minutes, but it’s not uncomfortable as it was earlier. Nothing is ever uncomfortable with him.
The air in the room suddenly changes. Zhang Hao straightens up, retracting his hand from Hanbin’s back. “So…” he begins.
“So?” Hanbin asks, genuinely confused.
“I have an idea,” Hyung declares, eyes shining with excitement, as if he’s discovered the way to reach Atlantis, or a solution to a very difficult math problem. Hanbin feels dread creep up his spine. Or it could also be anticipation; he doesn’t know for sure.
“What idea.”
“Hypothetically speaking,” Zhang Hao starts, choosing his words carefully. “If you were to be with someone one day—” he stops mid-sentence, expression turning to one of mild disgust. “Scrap that. Let’s not think about you being with someone. What I’m trying to say is, would you like to learn?”
Hanbin’s heart starts racing. Hyung is not implying what he thinks he’s implying, right? He can’t be. “Learn what?” he asks, avoiding Zhang Hao’s stare and focusing on Ditto instead, who seems to be mocking him with his smug expression. Fuck you Ditto, why are you making fun of me? Hanbin thinks.
“To kiss,” Hyung clarifies, prompting Hanbin to turn and look at him with so much force he almost gives himself a stiff neck. Just as he’s about to protest, Zhang Hao silences him with a finger on his lips. “Shhh… Before you say anything. You know I’m a licensed teacher, right?” he proclaims with all the confidence of a man who’s never been told no in his life. Which he probably hasn’t. Hanbin has never said no to him, which really sets a bad precedent for whatever the hell is about to happen. “I went to university for this, I literally have a degree, so who’s better suited to teach you than me?”
The logic is dubious at best, and Hanbin’s about to point it out, about to say that Zhang Hao actually went to university to learn how to teach music, not the art of kissing. He’s positive there’s not a single university that teaches such a course. Yet the hopeful glint in Hyung's eyes is convincing. Also, the dumb, innocent smile on his face, all teeth and apple cheeks.
Hanbin finds himself contemplating the sheer madness of the situation. It’s crazy—the proposal, the potential consequences, and the fact that he’s genuinely considering accepting. On one hand, this could be his only shot to make his lovesick dreams come true, his only chance to kiss the love of his life, even if the circumstances aren’t exactly what he’d envisioned in his deepest, most private fantasies.
On the other hand, the possibility of this ending badly for them is high. What if Hanbin’s not able to keep his feelings at bay, if Zhang Hao realizes he’s in love with him, hates him for not wanting to kiss him purely for the sake of learning?
He should refuse. There’s too much at stake, too many precious things he fears losing, too many ways this could go wrong.
“I accept,” Hanbin blurts out. What the fuck. His brain has betrayed him when he needed it the most. He’s on the verge of retracting his words, but Zhang Hao seems so elated, clapping his hands and smiling so brightly it stops him. He’s really beautiful, especially when he’s happy. And this time it’s all thanks to Hanbin. He mentally pats himself in the back. Good job. If he has to suffer just to see Hyung like this, then he’ll do it gladly. “Do you have a plan for this?”
“Yes!” Hao-hyung responds, a tad too enthusiastic. He catches himself, toning it down. “I mean yes.” Tugging on Hanbin’s pajamas, he guides him to lie down. Their strictly platonic cuddle session is about to begin. Hanbin isn’t sure he can handle it right at this moment, but he’ll do it for Hyung. Anything for him. “I’ll let you know tomorrow. Now cuddle me.”
_____________________________________
It’s not the first time Hanbin wakes to their bodies entangled and Zhang Hao’s loud snores right by his ear. It doesn’t bother him, quite the opposite. It’s part of his infinite charms.
According to Hyung, their cuddling sessions serve the purpose of recharging him, that, at the end of a very tiresome day, all he needs to feel better is to steal a little bit of Hanbin’s endless energy. And the best way to do that is squishing each other until they can barely breathe, until it feels like they’ve become one. Hanbin just enjoys the feel of Zhang Hao tightly pressed against his side. There’s no other reason why he agreed to do this many months ago.
It’s not often that they fall asleep like this, not at all. Eventually, one of them retreats to their assigned rooms, but it’s always a nice surprise when Hanbin wakes and the first thing he sees is his Hyung’s lovely face tucked on the crook of his neck. Or hears his loud snores rippling his ear. Or smells his stinky morning breath.
To a man in love, everything is beautiful.
Today though, it’s different. It’s the first time Hanbin wakes up with the newfound knowledge that soon he’ll experience what it's like to feel Zhang Hao’s lips against his.
Hanbin can’t help but stare at Zhang Hao’s rosy mouth, slightly open and so tantalizing as he’s deep in slumber. His bottom lip is thicker, making it seem like he’s perpetually pouting. In winter, his lips tend to chap easily, breaking into little thin lines that sometimes bleed. Hanbin has often dreamt of kissing them better, but all he’s done so far is help him reapply lip balm to his lips every few hours.
Soon, though, it won’t be just a dream. His first kiss.
Even though this situation is a little bit messed up and not at all what his romantic brain has conjured countless of times, he’s still happy Hyung will be his first. He’s been keeping himself for someone special, and Zhang Hao is much more than that. He’s so ingrained in Hanbin’s being that calling him a part of him wouldn’t be illogical.
Hanbin loves him. From the moment he laid eyes on him. Unconditionally. Until he stops existing on this Earth and becomes stardust. His love will be a legacy, ever-present in the night-sky. And if Zhang Hao doesn’t ever love him back, at least not in the way Hanbin does, it doesn’t matter. Hanbin did, and that’s enough.
“Why does Hanbinnie look so sad?” Hyun’s raspy morning voice startles him out.
Hanbin was lost in his thoughts; he didn't realize Hyung had woken up. He looks dazzling like this, eyes slowly blinking the sleep away. Hanbin tries to commit this sight to memory, just in case things go wrong, and he never gets to see it again.
Zhang Hao caresses his cheek, touch feather-light, and Hanbin feels his heart squeeze, wistful. He longs for that caress to carry a different meaning, not just a friend wanting to comfort another. But he’ll take what he can get. “You look even sadder now,” Zhang Hao remarks, jutting out his lower lip. “Please don’t be, or Hyung will be sad too.”
Hanbin laughs, a bit wet. He’s a sentimental person, and his love for this funny guy is really a little bit too much sometimes. Hyung hugs him, plastering himself to Hanbin’s front, arms strongly enveloping his waist. There’s no space left between them. “Would you like to share what’s on your mind?” Zhang Hao whispers softly by his ear.
Hanbin shakes his head no, and he knows Hyung can feel it, given the way their heads rest against each other. “It’s okay for now Hyung. I’ll tell you about it when I’m ready.”
Hanbin will. Someday, many years from now, he’ll tell him. He’ll tell the tale of a young man, so in love with one of his best friends that every breath hurts. But he rejoices in that pain, because it means his love is real.
Zhang Hao gently scratches Hanbin’s scalp, soothing him. It’s so relaxing Hanbin feels his eyes dropping once more, suddenly drowsy with sleep. As he teeters on the edge of dreams, he hears Hyung’s final words, accompanied by a tender kiss to his forehead. “That's fine. Whenever you’re ready, Hanbinnie. Just know Hyung will be there for you.”
_____________________________________
They haven’t talked about it. Hanbin thought they would at breakfast, and it seemed like Zhang Hao wanted to do so as well, but he was swiftly taken away by one of their managers to do God knows what. Hanbin can’t remember what Zhang Hao is supposed to be doing today, and he’s the leader, so he should know, but last night’s events have turned his mind into a chaotic mess.
Hanbin spends the entire day on edge, checking his phone relentlessly, waiting for a text or a call that never comes. He keeps thinking that maybe, just maybe, Hyung regretted his proposition and is avoiding him. Which is literally crazy, since he’s most likely busy doing… work things.
He’s lying in bed, Zhang Hao’s bed to be exact, hugging his pillow and not-so-subtly burying his nose in it to inhale the faint earthy smell that’s so him, when he hears the loud bang of the front door and a shrill scream. “Sung Hanbin, where are you?!”
Gunwook, the traitor, who’s playing games in the living room, is the first to respond. “In our room, Hyung. Hugging your pillow and being all mopey.” He came here a little while ago, saw Hanbin’s state, whistled, laughed at him, and left. Hanbin paid him no mind, just clutched the pillow even tighter and kept on hallucinating he was hugging Hao-hyung instead.
Hanbin’s first instinct upon hearing Hyung’s voice call for him is to flee from this room as fast as he can, to save himself from the embarrassment of being caught like this a second time. Which he does, running as quickly as his legs allow him and plowing himself on top of his bed, hugging his biggest hamster plushie, hiding his face in its soft tummy. He can hear Hyung stopping by his own room, whine over the lack of Hanbin, and then make his way here, loudly stomping his feet in the process, as if to make his dissatisfaction clear.
Zhang Hao practically breaks the door down in his eagerness, entering the room and throwing himself on top of Hanbin. These bunk beds are so small, barely fitting two very large men, but Hanbin’s not complaining. The closer they are, the better.
Hyung envelops him entirely, legs and arms creating a comforting cage, face buried on the back of Hanbin’s neck. His nose is so cold and so is his breath, sending shivers up Hanbin’s spine. For the first time today, he feels like he can finally breathe. He was being dramatic, thinking Zhang Hao was avoiding him. It seems like he missed him just as much as Hanbin did.
“You’re wearing outdoor clothes Hyung. Don’t be gross,” Hanbin remarks, although he doesn’t wish to move from this position ever.
Hao-hyung whines, displeased at his words. “I don't want to. I’m tired. I need to recharge.”
And who is Hanbin to say no to such a heartfelt request from his favorite person on Earth? “Okay, but just for a little bit. Then you shower and change.”
“Yes, Hanbinnie.”
They remain there for a little while, and Hanbin begins to understand the whole recharging thing Hyung is always talking about. For most of the day, he felt exhausted, but he knows that it wasn’t physical fatigue—it was mental exhaustion from overthinking the whole kissing situation. Which they still haven’t talked about. But being here, surrounded by Zhang Hao’s scent and warmth, makes him feel energized, alive, once again.
“Stop thinking. I can hear your brain,” Hao-hyung says, voice muffled.
Hanbin sighs. “You know what I’m thinking about, Hyung.”
“Yes, I do,” Zhang Hao confirms, shifting positions so now Hanbin’s laying on his back, and Hyung is propped on his chest. He looks lovely, a little bit of glitter sparkling under his eyes, blushy cheeks, and glossy lips. “That's all I’ve thought about the entire day, actually.” Hanbin’s cheeks are the ones that grow red now at the confession. “Are we still on for it?” Hyung asks, looking unsure. “You… don’t regret agreeing, do you?
“No, Hyung,” Hanbin confirms, erasing the doubt from his features. Now he’s smiling, small and shy. “I thought you had regretted it and that’s why you didn’t text me the entire day,” he confesses, making Hyung pout. Hanbin’s about to kiss him now if he doesn’t stop being so damn cute, lessons be damned.
“I was just so busyyyy,” he whines, elongating the last word to convey his displeasure. “Sorry.”
Hanbin kisses him, aiming for his cheek, but his mouth accidentally clashes against the corner of Hyung’s instead. It’s totally involuntary, making Zhang Hao gasp, and both of them blush like inexperienced teenagers. Which Hanbin might be, minus the teenage part. “Don’t apologize. Go shower and then we’ll talk, yeah?” Hanbin says, trying to play it cool when he’s actually screaming internally. Also, he needs Hyung out of here right now, or he’ll kiss him for real in about a second.
“Yeah,” Zhang Hao responds, fingers touching the corner of his mouth as he looks a little dazed. That’s how Hanbin feels as well.
He waits for Hyung, sitting cross-legged on his bed, head almost touching the ceiling of the top bunk. They really need some other type of bed arrangements, Hanbin thinks, trying to distract himself from the loud stream of the shower and from the fact that Hao-hyung is most likely naked next door.
New beds, yes, that's a good train of thought. Larger beds that could fit them both better, so they can snuggle more comfortably and maybe—Wait. No. Safe thoughts only, Hanbin.
He’s saved from further suffering by Hyung himself, looking adorable in one of his flannel pajamas while toweling his hair dry. His face is bare now, the shine under his eyes gone, skin red and flushed from the hot water. The embodiment of beauty. Hanbin could admire him for hours on end.
“Do you want me to blow-dry your hair, Hyung?” Hanbin asks, already knowing the answer. Zhang Hao nods, retrieving the blow dryer from the bathroom and sitting on the floor, right between Hanbin’s legs.
They do this so often it’s become part of their routine. Hanbin once saw Hyung go to bed with wet hair, claiming he was too sleepy to dry it himself, and had to take matters into his own hands. You know what they say about sleeping with wet hair, and he’s not going to let Hyung get sick, not if he can avoid it.
Zhang Hao turns to mush under Hanbin’s capable hands, relaxing as he runs his fingers through his strands, scratching his scalp from time to time. He seems blissed out of his mind, letting out little sounds Hanbin wishes he could hear, but the noise coming from the blow-dryer prevents him from doing so. It’s for the better, honestly. He does not need any more material for his already very overactive imagination.
“All set,” Hanbin announces. Hao leans his head back, resting his cheek on one of Hanbin’s thighs, eyes closed. Gentle fingers trace over his face, exploring his face delicately—forehead, eyebrows, the slope of his nose, cheekbones, cupids-bow. Hanbin can’t contain himself any longer.
“So, what’s the plan, Laoshi?” he blurts out, a playful tone dancing in his voice. He knows Hyung enjoys it when he uses Chinese words.
Zhang Hao straightens up and looks back, eyes widening and mouth agape. “What did you just call me?”
“Laoshi?” Hanbin repeats, scratching the back of his head, a tingle of self-consciousness coloring his expression. “Should I not do it?”
“No, no, no, you should,” Hyung responds, hands gesturing wildly to emphasize his point. “You totally should,” he murmurs this last part, suddenly avoiding eye contact. The back of his neck looks very red from this angle. Interesting. Hanbin will definitely be calling him Laoshi way more often. “Emm… What did you ask? I forgot.”
“What’s the plan?” Hanbin presses on.
“Right, the plan. First, come sit down here,” Hao-hyung commands.
Hanbin complies immediately, sitting cross legged on the floor, right in front of Hyung. He takes one of his hands, fingers intertwining seamlessly. It’s second nature for them at this point, to be touching, to be connected through one part of their bodies. Another layer will soon be added. The anticipation makes Hanbin giddy.
“I was thinking we could break this down into three lessons, each more challenging than the last, of course,” Hyung explains, slipping into teacher mode. Hanbin starts feeling a little bit hot under the collar. Zhang Hao looks incredibly alluring like this, all serious and focused. It’s no wonder many people fell for his charms back then; Hanbin might have been one of them, had he known him.
“What would the first lesson be?”
“Just a peck,” Hao explains. “You know how that works, right?” he asks, not waiting for Hanbin’s response. Instead, he grabs the two nearest plushies: a small Ditto and Ddungjjungham. “I’ll use this to demonstrate,” he says.
Hanbin is shell-shocked. Hao places both plushies facing each other, drawing their faces dangerously close before Hanbin stops him. “Wait! Don’t do that!” he practically yells, covering his eyes. “They’re siblings! That’s incest!”
Hao-hyung gasps dramatically, letting both toys fall to the floor. “Oh my god. I’m so sorry, Ditto and Ddujjungie,'' he apologizes, patting them as if to soothe their imaginary feelings.
It suddenly hits Hanbin, how absurd this whole situation is. He laughs, Hyung following suit. This is one of the things he treasures the most about their relationship, how they get to be just two silly boys together.
“You don’t need to demonstrate, Hyung. I know how pecks work. I’m not that clueless,” Hanbin says, once their laughter subsides.
“Yeah. Sorry. Would you…” Hyung says, clearing his throat mid-sentence. “Would you like to start the lesson now?”
Hanbin panics. “Right now?!?”
“Sorry, sorry,” Hao-hyung apologizes once more. “I guess I’m a bit eager,” he says with a little awkward laugh. “I’m a teacher at heart, you know. My purpose in life is to impart knowledge.” That sounds like straight bullshit, but Hanbin’s not going to call him out on it.
“I want to do it now, Hyung,” Hanbin states, trying to keep at bay the blush that threatens to rise up his cheeks. He’s not very successful, it seems, as Hao raises his hand to caress one of them, muttering cute, under his breath.
“Okay, let's do it then.” Hyung sounds breathless, mirroring Hanbin’s state. The room seems to tighten with anticipation. “Would you like me to turn off the lights?”
Hanbin nods. He doesn’t think he’d be able to handle it, kissing Hyung with his face fully visible.
They’ve been here for so long; it’s already turned dark outside. The curtains aren’t drawn, and it’s a full moon night, so the room is not completely dark. Instead, it’s bathed in a soft, silvery glow.
Zhang Hao’s hand still lingers on Hanbin’s cheek, caressing it lightly with his thumb. Hanbin can hear his own heartbeat echoing, and he knows Hyung can hear it too, or maybe even feel it with his hand placed so near his pulse.
Hao-hyung closes the distance between them, slowly, little by little. It feels like an eternity when their noses graze and their foreheads rest against each other, mere centimeters apart. Hanbin can feel Hyung's warm breath on his face, sense his eyes on him, attentive, although he can’t fully see him.
“Close your eyes, Hanbinnie,” Zhang Hao whispers, and Hanbin obeys. His hands tremble, so he clenches his fists, resting them over his thighs. Later, he knows he’ll find half-moon imprints on his palms.
Hyung shows no signs of moving, so Hanbin takes one last steadying breath, summoning the courage to close the remaining distance. Their lips met softly and warmly, and it’s magical. Hanbin feels tears prickle his eyes, breath catching in his throat. Waiting was the right choice, if it means his first gets to be like this.
It’s just a peck, nothing more than that. It lasts a few seconds before Zhang Hao draws back; breath shaky. His hand shifts from Hanbin’s cheek to intertwine their fingers, placing it over his own chest. “Can you feel it?” he asks. Hanbin does. His heart beats fast and strong, mirroring his own.
Instead of answering, Hanbin ventures, “Can we do it again?”
“Yes, but this time you have to relax. Give me your hands,” Zhang Hao instructs, guiding Hanbin’s hands to his own cheeks. “Keep them there. I’ll place mine on your waist.” His hands have been there countless times, but now, the touch feels entirely new. Hanbin tries to suppress the shiver that overtakes his body at the contact, but he’s unsuccessful. “Relax,” Hyung murmurs, bridging the distance once more.
This time his lips don’t land directly on Hanbin’s; instead, they land on his cheek. He starts a tantalizing journey towards his mouth, leaving a trail of little pecks here and there. Hanbin feels his body loosen, his shoulders drop, yet his breath is still erratic.
Finally, Zhang Hao kisses him again, and it feels even better than the first. This time, Hanbin immerses himself in the sensation, the press of Hyung’s soft, plushy lips against his. He gets the urge of opening his mouth to deepen the kiss, but Zhang Hao draws back before he can put his thoughts into action.
They linger in the moment, catching their breaths, foreheads pressed together, breaths mingling. “Did I do well, Laoshi?” Hanbin asks, and his voice sounds foreign to his own ears. Sultry and raspy. Zhang Hao whines, half-moans, Hanbin doesn’t know, but that sound Hyung just made will haunt him forever. He wants to hear it again.
“You did, Hanbinnie. Such a fast learner," Hyung answers, punctuating his statement with one last kiss. “Let's go to sleep. We have to get up early tomorrow.”
As soon as Hanbin’s head falls into his chest, he drifts to sleep, dreams filled with Zhang Hao.
_____________________________________
Waking up to Hyung’s face right next to his two times in a row is a nice surprise. They try to keep those moments very far between, or at least Hanbin does, fearing that his treacherous mind might wander to places it shouldn’t. But this feels right.
Hanbin stares at Hyung’s rosy mouth just like he did yesterday, with the novel knowledge that now, he knows what it's like to have those beautiful lips against his own. He softly traces Zhang Hao’s lower lip with his index, careful not to wake him, since Hyung has been having trouble sleeping lately. That is, until he is interrupted by a loud cough coming from somewhere in the room.
Hanbin turns his head to look at Taerae, who just arches one of his very dark and sassy eyebrows. “Don’t say anything,” Hanbin whispers.
Taerae lifts his hands, a universal sign of surrender. “I wasn’t going to. But two times in a row? Are congratulations in order, Hanbin-hyung?”
Hanbin sighs. “It’s not what you think.” It is exactly what Taerae thinks, and even worse. The situation they find themselves in is nothing short of insane, bordering on the inexplicable. They’re just crazy, and that’s all.
“Are you sure Hyung?” Taerae questions, his gaze reflecting concern and curiosity.
Hanbin sighs once more. How can he explain this to Taerae without revealing too much, he wonders. “It’s kind of complicated,” is the best he can come up with, the most honest response he can provide.
“When is it not complicated with you two?” Taerae chuckles lightly. “Can I say something?”
“Go ahead.” His advice is always helpful, his perspective always insightful.
“I think you two just need to talk,” Taerae suggests cryptically.
Hanbin doesn’t understand what he means. They talk every day, every hour, do they not? “What do you mean?”
“That’s for you to find out, Hyung. You can do it. Fighting,” Taerae cheers, raising a closed fist and then leaving the room. Just like that.
Hanbin just snuggles closer to Hyung, burying his face on the crook of his neck; he smells of soap and sweat. Nights have been getting hotter, but that doesn’t stop them from sleeping as close together as possible. Zhang Hao’s arm seems to tighten on instinct around his waist. He loves being the little spoon from time to time, loves the feel of protection that comes with being embraced by the man he loves so much.
Time seems to blur as Hanbin loses himself in the moment, only to be bright back by Zhang Hao stirring awake. “Good morning sleepyhead,” Hanbin greets, resting his chin on Hyung's chest.
“Morning Hanbinnie,” he greets back, patting the top of his head. “Good morning kiss practice?” Hyung suggests, playfully pouting.
Hanbin blushes, pleasantly surprised. He didn’t think Hyung would want to kiss during non-lecture hours, but he’s nothing if not a good student. He leans in, smooching Zhang Hao loudly, morning breath be damned. Hyung is still sleepy, eyes barely open and a blissed smile adorning his face. He puckers his lips, seemingly not satisfied, asking for one more, and Hanbin complies, not just once, but two, three times.
“Hanbinnie is the best,” Hyung remarks, voice raspy, sending a delightful shiver down his smile. He loves being praised, loves being told he’s good, he did good, but when it comes from Zhang Hao, who is someone so difficult to satisfy, is even more rewarding.
Later, as they get ready for the day, Hyung surprises him once again. “Do you want to keep practicing during the day?” he asks nonchalantly, as one would about the weather, while Hanbin showers and he’s in the bathroom putting on some makeup. “You need to ace the first lesson to advance, after all.”
This is the second time his logic doesn’t make sense. How hard it can be to ace a peck on the lips, it’s unknown to Hanbin, but Zhang Hao is the expert here. If he says they need to keep practicing, then practice they will.
“Yes Hyung, I’d love to,” Hanbin responds. It’s crazy to think that in less than twelve hours, he not only had his first kiss but now his sixth as well. And with the man he loves.
_____________________________________
It’s hard not to think about it during the day. Thankfully, no schedules today allow them all to stay home and rest, but practicing with Hyung becomes nearly impossible under the watchful gaze of seven pairs of eyes. The rest of them seem to sense something out of the ordinary between him and Zhang Hao, as they don’t stop unabashedly staring at the two of them. Perhaps Taerae spilled the beans about catching them sleeping together this morning, but it’s not the first time something like that has happened. It makes Hanbin suspicious.
Yet, it’s not his main concern. Not at all. His mind is full of Zhang Hao. Hanbin still feels the phantom sensation of lips pressed against his own, of a big warm hand cupping his jaw and caressing his waist. He craves more, everything Hyung is willing to give him. He just got trapped on a dead end, no exit in sight. And he’s not looking for one, either.
He’s absentmindedly touching his lips, lost in the memories, while waiting for his cup noodles to be ready. A hand sneakily grabbing his waist startles him out of his stupor. Zhang Hao presses himself against his back, resting his chin on Hanbin’s shoulder.
“Hanbinnieee,” he whines just for the sake of doing it. His lips grace the shell of Hanbin’s ear, and he has to use all his will to suppress the shiver that threatens to overtake his body. It’d be so easy for Zhang Hao to just lean in a little bit closer, turn his head just a tiny bit, open his lovely mouth and… do nothing. Nothing at all.
“What’s up, Hyung?” Hanbin asks, voice thin. He clears his throat, attempting to swallow the surge of desire clogging it, but it seems impossible. The idea has already implanted itself in his mind. He wonders if he could convince Zhang Hao to give him a lesson on neck kissing.
“I’ll wait for you in my room at ten,” Hyung whispers, just for him to hear. “We’ll have some privacy there.” His voice is provocative, seductive even. Hanbin’s legs turn to jelly, so he leans back on Zhang Hao’s chest, angling his head to get a good look at his face.
Their lips are so close, mere centimeters apart. From this position, Hanbin can see every single mole that adorns his face. He has them memorized, has traced the constellations they form countless times, with his eyes and his fingers. Soon, he thinks, he'll do it with his mouth, if Zhang Hao allows him. Maybe it could be a lesson. Mole-tracing. Sounds nice.
They’re about to kiss again. Hanbin’s longed for this the entire day—to be alone with him, away from prying eyes, for their lips to collide.
A loud cough interrupts them, scaring them out of their minds. Hanbin tries to get away, but Zhang Hao’s arms keep him rooted in place.
It’s Yujin. “Uhhhh…” he says, looking at them as if they’ve somehow grown another head. He seems uncomfortable too. Poor kid. Hanbin swears they’ll keep practicing only in enclosed spaces so the kids don’t have to witness whatever this is. “What is going on here?”
“Nothing, Yujinnie,” Zhang Hao responds, confidence dripping from his tone, as if they didn’t almost get caught kissing. Nothing seems to faze him sometimes. “I was just helping Hanbinnie make some noodles, that’s all.”
Yujin looks at the cup of noodles, long forgotten, uncapping the lid with a raised eyebrow. “Well, you didn’t help him much. The noodles are soggy.”
“That's how we like them,” Zhang Hao states, matter-of-factly. Hanbin’s about to laugh at the absurdity of the situation, but Hyung pinches his side.
It’s definitely the worst lie in the world, and Yujin thinks as much. “Sure?” he says leaving the room, but not without a backward glance, as if they were the biggest enigma in the world. Or maybe just weirdos. Both would be accurate
As soon as Yujin is out of sight Hanbin turns in Zhang Hao’s arms, facing him. His back hits the kitchen counter, and Hyung’s hands immediately attach to his hips. This time, he can’t suppress the shiver that passes through his body. There’s a shit-eating grin plastered all over Zhang Hao’s face.
“Why are you smiling like that?” Hanbin asks.
He raises an eyebrow. “Why are you blushing like that?” Hyung counters, effectively shutting him up. A sulky pout adorns Hanbin’s features, and he averts his gaze, refusing to meet Zhang Hao’s even when he asks him to. “Don’t be difficult, Hanbinnie,” he whispers into his ear, and there’s an edge to his voice, a warning of sorts. It spells trouble, but the good kind. The kind of trouble Hanbin wants to be involved in. “Or I will have to punish you for not obeying me. Don’t you want to be good for me?”
That effectively stuns Hanbin, who feels something stir within him. His tummy somersaults in anticipation, his heart threatens to escape its confines, and his dick twitch in his pants, interested at this new development of events. What is it, Hanbin wonders, that got him so excited? Is it the tone Hyung’s using, or are his words? Is it the fact that Hanbin wants to be good for him?
Zhang Hao’s voice cuts through his thoughts, “I asked you a question,” he presses on, grabbing Hanbin by the chin and tilting his head upward, demanding attention. Hanbin nods, deep in trance. Hyung’s pupils have doubled in size, and he’s licking his lips repeatedly, tantalizing. “Good,” he murmurs, brushing a slow, sweet kiss on the corner of Hanbin’s mouth. “We have a date at ten, don’t forget.”
And with that, he leaves. It’s safe to say Hanbin’s a mess.
_____________________________________
Hanbin’s gaze remains fixated on the clock, as if that would make time go by faster. It doesn’t. If anything, it does exactly the opposite. Life is mocking him, laughing at his eagerness. Eagerness to acquire new knowledge, that is. You could call him a scholar.
He’s standing outside Hyung’s dorm room at exactly nine fifty-eight, one hand raised in a knock while the other clutches his phone, obsessively checking how many seconds until ten. Taerae passes by and gives him the universal you’re-seriously-a-fucking-weirdo-look, but Hanbin just raises his eyebrow at him, daring him to say something.
“Hyung, you’re such a weirdo sometimes,” Taerae teases, laughing when Hanbin’s mouth forms an O shape in shock. The disrespect towards his leader.
He tries to come up with something to respond, but the door is suddenly yanked open, revealing Zhang Hao clad in one of Hanbin's old shirts. It’s big on his small frame, dripping down his left shoulder, exposing his collarbones. Hanbin starts salivating a little bit at the sight of skin. Just a little bit. Also, that shirt was in Hanbin’s clean laundry. Hyung’s a robber, a sneaky one at that.
“It’s already ten past one. You’re one minute late,” Hyung says, pouting. Hanbin still has his hand raised, frozen in place. “Do you not want to see me?”
Taerae just laughs. “You guys are truly meant to be. A pair of weirdos,” he remarks. “Have a nice date, Hyungs.” Hanbin’s about to clarify that no, this isn’t a date, but Zhang Hao just thanks Taerae and pulls him inside by the arm.
Well, technically speaking, this is a date. A study date, right? Yes. That’s what Hyung surely meant.
They sit on the bed, heads almost touching the top bunk. “Okay, are you ready for today’s lesson?" Hyung starts, clapping his hands, all business-like. Hanbin, still processing the stolen shirt situation, manages a nod. “Open-mouthed kiss.” He almost chokes upon hearing that sentence, and tries to hide his face in his hands, embarrassment taking over, but Hyung catches him before he has the chance to do so. “No hiding, Hanbinnie. Do you trust me?”
“Yes, Hyung.” Blindly, if he’s being one hundred percent honest. He would let Zhang Hao do whatever he wanted to him, no questions asked.
“Good. That makes me happy,” Hao-hyung says, smiling sweetly and kissing one of his palms. His eyes shine at Hanbin’s words, illuminating with a special kind of warmth. “How should we do this? Sitting like yesterday?” he inquires, deferring to Hanbin’s preference.
“What do you think?” Hanbin asks, since Zhang Hao is the expert and all.
“You're in charge here, not me,” he says, and that ignites something within Hanbin’s chest. It’s nice to know that, regardless of his inexperience, Hyung still thinks of him as his equal.
That was something that scared him a little bit before. Being thought of as lesser for not being an expert on the matter. It’s not like that with Zhang Hao. He never thought it’d be like that with him, frankly speaking, which is why he accepted almost immediately once Hyung kindly offered to teach him the fine art of kissing. Among other reasons.
Hanbin will take the initiative this time. He’ll do it the way he wants. It’s his first, at the end of the day, so he should be able to enjoy it at its fullest. “It was a bit uncomfortable yesterday; our knees kept knocking all the time.”
“How about lying in bed?” Hyung suggests.
Lying in bed sounds insanely dangerous, but also way more comfortable for what they’re about to do. Hanbin must pick the lesser of two evils, and in his mind, the lesser of two evils is being in bed with Zhang Hao. It’s not like they haven’t done it before. They’ve woken up pressed so tightly together Hanbin doesn’t know where one begins and the other ends, so he supposes this will be okay, even if the circumstances are a little bit different. A whole lot different, his treacherous brain supplies. Hanbin doesn’t listen to it.
“Okay, I’d like that,” Hanbin answers with a nervous smile.
Hyung squeezes his hands reassuringly before scooting back, pressing his back against the pillows. Hanbin gets the hint immediately, moving up until he’s hovering over him, arms on each side of his head.
“This might be a little awkward at first, but you just have to follow my lead, okay?” Zhang Hao says, gently cupping his face. “No tongue today, so keep that inside your pretty mouth, are we clear?” he instructs, thumb caressing his lower lip.
Hanbin gets the urge to open his mouth and lick his finger, but he guesses that might not be a part of today’s lesson, so he just answers, “Yes, Laoshi,” hoping to elicit the same reaction as yesterday.
He’s successful. Zhang Hao gasps, squirming beneath Hanbin, moistening his lips and pressing his thumb rougher against Hanbin’s mouth. “Say it again,” he commands.
“Yes, Laoshi.”
In a hushed tone, he commends, “Good boy,” and Hanbin can’t help but beam at the praise. He awaits Zhang Hao’s lead, since he’s the teacher here, but instead, Hyung sighs, closing his eyes briefly. “I’m a little bit nervous,” he admits.
It surprises Hanbin, his confession. It should be the other way around, if anything. “Why would you be, Hyung?”
“I want this to be good for you, enjoyable,” Zhang Hao says, turning his blushing face away. It’s not often he gets to see him like this, timid, sheepish, a stark contrast to his demeanor just moments ago. He’s cute.
Hanbin’s heart tightens at his words. His lovely Hyung is so special. Hanbin’s been in love with him for as long as he can remember and he’s never been afraid to admit it, even if only to himself. One day, he vows to be brave enough to express his feelings to his Hyung. “Everything is enjoyable if you’re by my side.”
“Really?” Zhang Hao asks in wonder. He looks like a little kid on Christmas day, getting that present he wanted with all his might. Hanbin wants to kiss him, wants to see this look plastered on his face every moment they spend together.
“Really. I'm really happy you get to be my first,” Hanbin admits. Hyung’s eyes fill with tears, and he hides his face in the crook of Hanbin’s neck. Hanbin tries to hug him to the best of his abilities without crushing him with the full weight of his body, but Hao-hyung interlaces his legs around Hanbin’s waist, clinging to his front.
“Don’t say things like that,” Zhang Hao whispers, eyes damp against Hanbin’s skin. He wishes he could see his face; it’s the only way to gauge Hyung’s true emotions.
“Why not?” Hanbin asks. “It’s the truth Hyung, you are the most special person in the world to me.”
This is the closest Hanbin has come to confessing. He wonders if he revealed too much upon hearing Zhang Hao’s surprised gasp, but he doesn’t have too much time to dwell on it before he feels a pair of wet lips on his.
At first, it’s just lips against lips, just like yesterday, but then Hyung slightly opens up his mouth, Hanbin following suit. It’s a bit awkward initially, just as Zhang Hao said it would be. Hanbin isn’t quite sure what to do, but all thoughts fade to the background as he immerses himself in the sensations of their lips gliding together. It’s perfect—so perfect Hanbin feels the familiar prickle of tears in his eyes. It’s meant to be. They’re meant to be.
Hanbin tries to keep them at bay by kissing Hyung with even more fervor. Inadvertently, his tongue darts out to taste Zhang Hao’s bottom lip, but Hyung abruptly pulls back, separating them. A string of saliva still connects them, almost like a delicate spiderweb.
“Bad boy. I said no tongue today, Hanbinnie,” Zhang Hao chastises, lips looking plump and red and shiny with spit and so, so delicious. Hanbin wants to surge forward and kiss him again, and again, and again, even if it means being bad, even if it means disobeying his orders.
“I’m sorry, Laoshi. What can I do to apologize for being bad?”
Zhang Hao hums, feigning contemplation. “I have a few ideas in mind. But first, my pretty Hanbinnie needs to excel in his lesson, so we must practice harder, don’t we?” The smirk he sports is lethal, making Hanbin feel like a prey under his watchful eye.
All he can do is comply. All he wants to do is comply. “We do.”
_____________________________________
Gunwook softly knocks on the door at eleven-thirty. Bless his soul for giving them some extra time, but he still scares the living shit out of Hanbin, who knocks his head on the top bunk in his effort to get away from Zhang Hao. He hisses quietly, not wanting to create a fuss.
“Hyungs? Are you busy?” Gunwookie asks, not opening the door. Hanbin silently applauds him. Smart kid.
Well, they were busy. Pretty busy, to be honest. The state they’re in leaves little to the imagination. Hanbin’s hair is disheveled from Hyung running his hands through it, their lips are red and swollen, and their clothes are wrinkled. Also, Hanbin’s dick is half-hard on his pants, but that’s something he’s chosen to ignore. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what they were up to.
Hanbin glances at Hyung in panic. “Let’s pretend we’re sleeping,” he murmurs as softly as possible to avoid being overheard by Gunwookie.
They quickly assume the guise, Hanbin nestling into Hyung’s side and hastily draping a blanket over their bodies. Eyes closed and breaths evened out, they create the perfect illusion of two peacefully sleeping figures—well, at least in Hanbin’s hopeful mind. He tries to remain as still as possible as Gunwook quietly enters, softly padding his feet around and opening and closing drawers. He’s here to get some stuff, Hanbin guesses.
Hanbin thinks they’re in the clear as he hears Gunwook approach the door. That is, until he clears his throat and giggles. “I’ll sleep at Matthew’s tonight, Hyungs. So you can keep doing… whatever you were doing.”
His eyes open just in time to see Gunwook winking at them before leaving. Hanbin and Zhang Hao share horrified glances. What the hell was that?
“Do you think they know something?” Hanbin asks, not particularly eager to hear Hyung’s thoughts on the matter. It’s kind of horrifying to think that they might know something.
“I don’t think so. We aren’t being that obvious, right?” Zhang Hao responds, choosing to believe in their subtlety. Well, Yujin did find them in a very compromising position today, but Hyung really thought his excuse was a good one, and Hanbin’s not about to burst his bubble. What he believes is the reality—that’s the truth Hanbin lives by. “Let’s not think about it,” he concludes with a sigh.
“Yeah,” Hanbin agrees. “We should sleep; it’s kind of late.” Time goes by really fast when you’re doing something fun. Like kissing your favorite person in the world.
Hanbin’s about to head out to his room, but his exit is interrupted by Hyung’s loud whine. “Hanbinnieee.” The tone suggests he’s about to make a demand, and he won’t take no for an answer. “I want to be the little spoon today.” Oh, so they’re sleeping together again. In the literal sense, of course. Good. Hanbin’s not about to complain. “And I want you to kiss me goodnight,” Hyung asks, no, demands, puckering his lips like a little duck. He resembles those rubber ones Taerae has in their room, red pouty mouth and all.
Hanbin can’t resist kissing him goodnight first, not when Hyung looks so damn cute. He puts to good use his newfound knowledge on open-mouthed kisses, cupping Zhang Hao’s jaw tightly and devouring his mouth. It seems like Hyung likes it like this, a little bit rougher, a little bit messier. Hanbin wishes he could use his tongue, even if he has no idea how that would work, but he doesn’t want to be scolded again.
His teeth scrape Zhang Hao’s lower lip by accident, earning a muffled moan, but it gets lost in Hanbin’s eager kiss. Hyung stops him from continuing though, pecking him one last time before saying, “Enough kissing for today Hanbinnie. Let’s sleep.”
Hanbin agrees. It’s late and they have a lot to do tomorrow. But there’s one more thing he wants to know. “How did I do today, Laoshi?”
“Perfect. There’s no one better than you.” Hyung smiles at him, eyes sweet and molten chocolate, and then turns to his side, ready to be spooned, which Hanbin gladly does, hugging him as firmly as possible. If Zhang Hao can feel his hardness pressed against his ass, he chooses not to comment on it, which Hanbin is thankful for.
He loves him, loves him, loves him so much. It’s the only thought on his mind.
“Goodnight,” Zhang Hao whispers, twisting his neck oddly to drop a small peck to Hanbin’s arm.
Hanbin softly kisses the back of his head. It smells sweet, freshly washed. “Goodnight Hyung.”
Once he’s sure Zhang Hao is fast asleep, soft snores escaping his mouth, Hanbin feels brave enough to exhale the words that have been stuck in his chest forever. “I love you.”
_____________________________________
It takes them a week to progress to lesson number three, mainly because free time becomes a rarity. Their schedules have been packed to the brim, leaving little room for moments alone throughout the week.
While they do find some privacy at night, exhaustion often gets the better of them, collapsing into bed as soon as they arrive home. Together. Whether it’s Hanbin’s room or Zhang Hao’s, they haven’t slept apart in over a week.
Science claims it takes over two months to form a habit, but for them, it took merely three nights. Sharing a bed has become an essential routine. Hanbin can’t imagine sleeping without Hyung by his side anymore, and he knows Zhang Hao feels the same, given that he seeks out Hanbin’s warmth every night without fail. It doesn’t matter if it’s uncomfortable, if the next day they have to stretch twice as hard to ease the knots in their necks and legs, if their heads hit the wall when they turn, if Hanbin wakes up with the most painful boner known to man. What matters is sleeping as tightly wrapped together as their bodies allow.
They do practice, albeit sporadically. A peck behind the fridge, hidden from the rest. A kiss stolen on a hallway, fast and swift, in case there’s prying eyes around. A longer, more leisurely one when Hanbin emerges from the shower, body draped in a robe, and Hyung, almost dozing off while he sits on the counter, eagerly awaiting for his turn under the hot spray.
On Saturday morning, Hanbin wakes up to an eerily quiet house. There’s no movement on the top bunk, meaning Gunwook’s already left. The strangest of it all is that there’s no trace of Matthew, whose voice usually resonates all over the house during his Saturday pancake-making ritual.
Extracting himself from Zhang Hao’s iron grip without waking him is challenging, but not impossible for a man on a mission. Hanbin needs to find out where everyone is.
To his surprise, the house appears deserted as he wanders around. No Yujinnie sleepily rubbing his eyes, no Taerae belting as he showers, no Jiwoong-hyung watching the news channel, no Gyuvin and Ricky wrestling on the couch, and no Matthew and Gunwook preparing breakfast.
The answer to the mystery lies on the kitchen island, where a note ominously sits. Hanbin doesn’t want to touch it, in case it contains some kind of poison, but he must, as the solution to today’s enigma is right in front of him.
“Dear Zhang Hao and Sung Hanbin,
Today, you get the house all to yourselves. Hyungs have worked so hard this week, we thought it’d be a nice present to give you some time alone to relax and do whatever you want, no kids, as you say, running around the house. We will be hanging out at Jiwoong’s Hyung apartment today, so don’t worry, we won’t cause any trouble. We told the manager Hyungs that you’d be there with us, so they won’t be around either. Lock the front door though, just in case.
Enjoy your day *3*
PD: I want you Hyungs to know that this was Kim Gyuvin’s idea, so you should thank him.”
What the actual hell is wrong with them, Hanbin thinks, flabbergasted. This was undoubtedly Gyuvin’s idea, but he’s sure all the kids were on it as well. One of these days those little devils will be the death of him. They’ve been acting strangely suspicious these past few weeks. Hanbin’s been wondering what’s gotten onto them, but to no avail.
None of this makes sense, but that doesn’t mean he’s not grateful for the time he gets to be alone with Hyung today. A whole day of just them—it hasn’t been like this in ages. Their third lesson can’t be postponed any longer. Hanbin feels thrilled at what’s to come.
He returns to bed to celebrate with a little bit more cuddling.
_____________________________________
“We’re alone today,” Hanbin announces as soon as Zhang Hao opens his big, beautiful brown doe eyes.
Hyung yawns and stretches like a content cat waking up from an afternoon nap in the sun. He looks well-rested, purple bags gone from under his eyes. During the week, they seemed to be permanently tattooed onto his skin, but not today.
“Alone?” he asks, scrunching his eyebrows and looking immensely cute. Unable to resist, Hanbin plants a kiss right on that little wrinkle forming in the center of his forehead. “Why are we alone?”
Hanbin shrugs. “Who knows, but no one is here and they won’t be back until the afternoon.”
“Where are they?”
“At Jiwoong-hyung’s apartment.”
“Ah… I knew they were planning something. Yesterday they kept whispering to each other, and every time I got close, they would shut up. Also, they kept staring at us.” Hanbin noticed too. And not just yesterday. He wonders just how much they know about the arrangement he and Hyung have. “I’m not complaining though,” Zhang Hao adds, smirking. Hanbin wants to kiss the sly smile off his face, but he holds back, opting for his cheek instead.
“Breakfast and then study time?” Hanbin suggests.
“That sounds like a wonderful idea.”
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“We’ve reached the final lesson of this course,” Zhang Hao announces. His voice brings him back to his DIMA days, albeit without the presence of such adorable teachers back then. “Today, our topic is French kissing.” Hyung wears a puzzled expression, struggling to find the right words. He can’t come up with anything satisfactory, signaled by the frustrated sigh he lets out. “Explaining how it works is hard, so we’ll just have to practice until you get good at it,” he declares. Hanbin just nods, agreeing. That’s fine by him. More than fine. “My Hanbinnie likes to excel at things, doesn’t he?” Zhang Hao remarks.
A blush creeps up Hanbin’s cheeks, but not from embarrassment. He can’t pinpoint exactly what he’s feeling, put a name to it, but it’s not bad. His throat feels dry, yes, and his stomach churns, but it’s not unpleasant. Zhang Hao gazes at him, expectantly, so he nods, eager. “Yes. I’ll do my best, Laoshi.”
Hyung seems pleased, curving his lips in a syrupy smile as he cups one side of Hanbin’s face, thumb gently stroking his cheek. “I know you will,” he says, voice low and raspy. “Should we do it like yesterday?”
Without waiting for an answer, Zhang Hao settles on the bed, rearranging Hanbin’s plushie nest to avoid squishing them. “Sorry guys,” Zhang Hao apologizes, patting their heads. “I don’t want to squish you; I know your dad would kill me.” He gets comfortable then, back resting against fluffy pillows. Such a weird guy he is sometimes, but so is Hanbin. A match made in heaven.
He looks so adorable right now, surrounded by tiny little hamsters, Hanbin gets the sudden urge to get down on one knee and ask him to marry him. Which is crazy, considering they’re literally just friends. Who kiss sometimes, but with an educational purpose only. For Zhang Hao. For Hanbin, it’s much more than that, but now it’s not the time to get sentimental over his overwhelming love for Hyung.
He needs a distraction before blurting out something wild. An idea pops up in his mind, but he’s not sure Hyung would agree to it. The question must be written across Hanbin’s face. “What is it?” Zhang Hao asks.
He debates for a few moments whether he should go for it or not. Hyung did say he was in charge the other day… “Can I sit in your lap today?” Hanbin asks boldly, clenching his fists as to not run out of this room.
Zhang Hao gasps, hands covering his mouth. “Are you for real?”
Insecurity creeps in as Hanbin contemplates the audacity of his request. Maybe this was a little bit over the top, after all, their arrangement was solely about kissing. “Yes? Do you not want to? If you’re not comfortable with it—”
Hyung interrupts, waving his hands frantically in front of him and sitting up. “No! I mean yes! We can totally add it to today’s lecture,” he says. “Lap sitting is also an art that requires refinement, you know?”
He’s so right. Zhang Hao’s common sense is always superior. “Get comfortable then, Hyung.” He does, resting his back against the pillows once more.
Hanbin’s a little bit confused about the logistics of doing something like this, so he just goes with the flow, draping one leg across Zhang Hao’s lap, perching on his thighs. Hyung bends his legs a little bit, adjusting their position, dragging Hanbin down until he’s resting right over his crotch. Sitting upright proves impossible without colliding with the top bunk, so Hanbin bends forward, hands resting over Zhang Hao’s chest. Very hard and defined chest.
This is the worst idea he’s ever had. He’s going commando today, and Hyung’s sweatpants are just as thin as Hanbin’s, so he can feel him, all of him, pressed right against his ass. Eyes closed, Hanbin takes a deep breath, silently begging his dick to behave and stay down for a little while. He just needs to get through this lesson, that’s all. If he has to retreat to the bathroom afterward and lock himself in for a while, well, that’s a private matter between him and the shower stall.
Hyung’s voice interrupts his thoughts, “Where do you want me to put my hands?” Hanbin’s about to let him decide, but Zhang Hao beats him to it. “You’re in charge here,” he says once more, repeating his words from the last time they did this.
His statement makes Hanbin feel adventurous, in spite of his earlier turmoil. Fuck it all. This might be the only chance he gets to do something like this with him, so he’ll embrace this newfound boldness.
He takes Hyung's hands and places them onto his waist, not letting go of them. “It could be here.” Slowly, he guides them lower, stopping on his hips. Hyung breath hitches. “Or here.” He squeezes, and it feels so good through the thin fabric, the only thing separating their skin. Hanbin takes his hands again, moving them even lower, placing them over his thighs. “Or maybe here,” he concludes, one last time. Hyung appears entranced, mouth slightly open, dry lips, labored breaths, and dilated pupils, Adam's apple bobbing up and down every few seconds. “What do you prefer, hyungie?”
Zhang Hao’s breath is erratic, but his touch remains purposeful, nails scraping slowly through Hanbin’s thighs, leaving goosebumps in their wake. Hanbin keeps praying to not get a boner. “Anywhere,” Zhang Hao answers. “Everywhere.”
“I’ll kiss you now,” Hanbin announces, though it seems unnecessary, as Hyung is already pulling him down, hand fisted against his shirt, while the other securely wraps itself around his thigh. So close, yet so far.
Their lips meet, and the familiarity of the sensation contrasts with the novelty of Zhang Hao’s tongue teasing the edge of Hanbin’s lips, seeking for permission to enter. Hanbin opens his mouth wider instantly. He’s dreamt of this, of Hyung kissing him senseless, of his tongue sweeping through Hanbin’s teeth, the roof of his mouth, every crevice available.
Hyung explores his mouth, but Hanbin keeps his tongue in place, afraid of doing something wrong. He’s pushed back a little bit by Zhang Hao’s hands on his shoulders. “Don’t be shy Hanbinnie,” he whispers against his lips. “You can do whatever you want to me.”
Hyung seems to enjoy intensity, moaning when Hanbin leans in for a firmer, open-mouthed kiss, but no tongue in sight just yet. This time, Zhang Hao refuses to take the initiative, leaving it to Hanbin to deepen the kiss. He slows down, tentatively tracing his tongue against Hyung's lower lip, mimicking what Zhang Hao did earlier. He opens his mouth wider, pushing his tongue back against Hanbin’s, lips moving at the same time.
At first, it’s challenging to keep up the rhythm, to move his mouth and slide his tongue against Hyung’s at the same time, but he’s anything if not a fast learner. Zhang Hao ditches his waist, opting to place his hands on the base of his neck, adjusting his position for a better angle. His tongue delves deeper into Hanbin’s mouth, kissing him slowly and sweetly.
Hyung is the one to pull back first, breathless and flushed, pupils blown wide, eyes appearing impossibly dark. Hanbin is no better off, trembling arms and legs, body uncomfortably warm.
“How did I do, Laoshi?” he asks once he regains his breath.
“Perfect. Everything you do is perfect,” Hyung responds, pulling him down for another fervent kiss.
This time, it’s messy, fast and hard, teeth clashing and spit everywhere. Hanbin has never felt like this before, like he’s burning from the inside. It’s almost painful, but he’s willing to endure it if it means he gets to experience this, the glide of their tongues, Zhang Hao’s hands leaving a searing trail wherever they touch. The only one who can alleviate his torment is lying beneath him, tracing the inside of his mouth like a well-known map.
They kiss, and kiss, and kiss, until Hanbin’s lips feel numb and swollen. Hyung’s palms have found their home beneath Hanbin’s shirt, gripping his waist possessively and caressing it from time to time, sending shivers down his spine. He wishes he were brave enough to reciprocate, to touch the hard contours of Zhang Hao’s abdomen and tantalizing pecs without the barrier of clothes.
He wants to try something. This is the effect Zhang Hao has on him. He makes him want to try new, unknown things. Breaking the kiss, Hanbin decides that it's not only his mouth that he wants to taste. Cupping Hyung’s jaw, he traces his tongue along the sharp bone. He squirms under him, squeezing his waist even harder. Daring, Hanbin goes lower, placing a wet kiss to his neck, tracing the hard ridges with his tongue.
His arms have grown tired, which prompts him to move, trying to find a new, more comfortable position. In the process, Hyung’s very hard dick rubs against Hanbin’s ass, coaxing a moan out of both their mouths. For the first time in what seems like forever, Hanbin feels consciousness returning to his fogged mind, and now he’s acutely aware that his dick is just as hard as Zhang Hao’s. All his earlier prayers for self-control were useless.
Hanbin wants to do it again, wants to make Hyung come just from rutting against his ass, and it seems like he shares the sentiment, as he grips Hanbin by the hips and starts moving his own. But they can’t go down this path. This isn’t part of the lesson, and Hanbin doesn’t want to take advantage of Zhang Hao. If they’re going to do this, then he needs to be honest about his feelings, about the reason he agreed to do this with Hyung in the first place.
“Hyung, stop,” Hanbin says, placing his hands over Zhang Hao’s, still resting on his hips. “I need to tell you something.” Hyung sobers up instantly, the look of desire shifting to one of concern.
This is something he should have done ages ago, regardless of whether his feelings are reciprocated or not. Hyung doesn’t deserve to be lied to, to be misled, to be used as a way to fulfill Hanbin’s fantasies.
Now or never. “I’m in love with you,” he blurts out. He expects Zhang Hao to look disgusted, to remove him from his lap, to reject him. None of that happens. Instead, Hyung’s eyes fill with tears, fat droplets cascading down his cheeks almost immediately. “Wait, wait, wait. Don’t cry please,” Hanbin pleads, panicking. “I take it back, I take it back, please don’t cry.”
“Shut up,” Hyung responds, lightly hitting him on the chest. He wraps his arms around Hanbin’s neck, forcing him to bend down so he can hide his face in the crook of his neck. “I felt like a dick for so long, thinking I was taking advantage of you. Do you think I offered to teach you how to kiss out of the goodness of my heart?” He spills his heart out, effectively stunning Hanbin, who is frozen in place.
Hyung emerges from his hiding place, grabbing Hanbin’s face and locking their eyes. He looks so breathtaking like this, well-kissed, eyes tear-framed and shimmering. “You know I’m a selfish bastard. I offered because I’m in love with you as well and I just thought… I thought it might be my only chance to win you over or something.”
“Win me over?” Hanbin asks. This whole development of events still has him astounded, at a loss for words. He never imagined that Zhang Hao felt the same way. “Hyung, you’ve had me for months,” he confesses.
Zhang Hao looks offended, swatting him on the chest once more. “Why didn’t you say anything?!”
“Why didn’t you say anything?” Hanbin counters. Both of them are fools, not just him.
“I literally offered myself to you! If anything, I made the first move.”
Well, that’s essentially true. Hanbin can’t dispute his words, so he pinches Hyung's cheek, just to tease him. It gets a bit red, mirroring his lips. So adorable. “What am I going to do with you? Whiny pouty baby.”
“Date me?” Zhang Hao asks with a cheeky smile and puppy-like eyes. “Kiss me for real?
“I’ve been kissing you for real, Hyung.”
“Me too, Hanbinnie,” he whispers dreamily, bringing Hanbin down to place a chaste peck on his lips. “You passed your third lesson with honors, congratulations,” Hyung says, eyes full of mirth. “There’s still a lesson left, though, if Hanbinnie is willing to learn.” His expression shifts to one of desire, eyes darting to Hanbin’s lips every now and then.
Hanbin can only imagine what this is about. And his imagination runs very wild. His friend down there gets even more excited at the prospect of a fourth lesson, and a fifth, and as many lessons Hyung is willing to give him.
“I’m more than willing, Laoshi.”