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It wasn’t as rare as it once had been for all of the Crows to be back in their apartment. Nina, Matthias, and Inej used it as their only place to sleep when they were back in Ketterdam, Kaz had to do things at the Slat and crashed there from time to time, and Wylan and Jesper still transitioned back and forth between the Van Eck estate and the apartment since they had to keep up appearances, but the apartment was home to every one of them. The layout had been especially chosen from them and had cost more money than any of their younger selves could have ever dreamed of. The main floor was made up of two offices, one for Kaz and one for Wylan, with a living room and a kitchen that led out into their back garden. The middle floor had the bedrooms, three on one side and three on the other. Jesper and Wylan occupied one of them with the one next to it having been turned into a workshop. Nina and Matthias took up the other and the additional room on that side had been turned into the nursery. Inej slept in her own room with as many locks as one doorframe could fit with Kaz on the other side of the hall.
They had decorated it with wood carvings from Fjerda, tapestries woven with Novyi Zem cotton containing their grandest exploits, Ravkan oil paintings of the fold, pictures that Wylan had professionally drawn of all of them, Suli saint icons, and whatever other art pieces Kaz thought that they could get away with stealing. Jesper and Wylan were the ones doing the most experiments in the house so they had decorated, or rather made a mess of, the workshop. Matthias and Nina primarily controlled the kitchen so a lot of their touches had gone into that room. Kaz and Inej had turned the attic into their own little spot where they could hang out and nap without being disturbed. They had all contributed to the living room and the nursery.
The house was large enough that it never felt like they were stepping on each other’s toes, but small enough that they could easily hear when something was wrong with one of the others. It was imperative that they were able to do that, given that half of the Crows were littles that had a very tenuous grasp on their headspace and weren’t always able to get to a caregiver before they fell down into it. Given that they all had their fair share of trauma, they liked being able to get to each other quickly if there was a nightmare or some other form of distress going on.
Nina was woken up at midnight, only an hour after she had gone to bed, because she could her coughing and whimpering coming from beside her.
It had taken her so long to get to bed earlier that evening precisely because of the person that was coughing. Nina’s very own little and husband had wound up with some kind of head cold that resulted in his face being ever-snotty and a cough that kept them both up most of the night. Matthias didn’t get sick often, but when he did, it was an absolute nightmare for everyone involved. He would be in his headspace the entire time, which was fairly typical for a little, but it would throw off his whole routine and make him very grumpy. His body also refused to let go of whatever sickness it had chosen to plague him with that time. That meant that if he was sick, he was going to be sick for the foreseeable future.
Usually, when Matthias was in littlespace, he was put to bed in the nursery so that he was more comforted in his sleep. They had specially gotten alkemi-made paint that was similar to a bonelight and kept the room illuminated enough that there weren’t any shadow monsters but dim enough to allow for sleep. It was perfect for littles who weren’t allowed to be kids and ones that had nightmares about death, the way that their whole dynamic did.
She had gotten him down in the nursery several nights in a row, but tonight was different. Wylan had been down in his headspace, like he always was on Sunday nights, and they knew that the coughing was going to keep him awake. Jesper had offered to have him go down in either the workshop or their bedroom while he slept on the floor or in the living room, but Nina had conceded to having Matthias sleep with her in the bed. She was going to have to be close to him so that she could tend to whatever rancid cold the damp air was worsening.
She breathed out a sigh as she saw the way that his forehead crunched when he gave another hacking cough. He then whimpered as he smacked his lips together and tried to burrow further into the bed. It only took another thirty seconds before his chest was convulsing to cough again. She might not have been a heartrender anymore, but she could hear that his body was moving mucus so he wasn’t just coughing because of a tickle anymore. That meant that she could do something about it, at least to a point.
“Hey baby,” Nina whispered as she brushed her hand over the side of his handsome face to wake him up the rest of the way.
“Mor?” he asked sleepily, blinking one of his piercing blue eyes at her.
“Yeah, it’s me,” she whispered. She leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to his cheek to show him that she wasn’t mad and that nothing bad was happening. She knew that the rogue Inferni had attacked his village in the middle of the night, so he always associated the pain of losing his family with being awoken from his sleep. “Can you come with me, love?”
“Where are we going?” he asked worriedly.
“Down to the kitchen to get something to eat,” she said softly. “And something for that awful cough of yours.”
Nina slipped out of the bed and then grabbed the robe that was hanging from the end of the tall bedpost. She and Matthias had been meaning to attach the beams that would allow them to have a traditional four-poster like she had in Ravka for almost two years. It was an awkward piece of furniture to look at, but she could use it for her own likes. She slipped the thick flannel item over her body and then grabbed Matthias’ special blanket to wrap around his shoulders.
The blanket had a thick yet soft brocade on one side and then a properly tanned pelt on the other side, which made it heavy and grounding. It was also one of the warmest items in the house, and thus he wasn’t allowed to sleep with it even in the dead of winter. “Here, let’s get you all warm for our adventure,” she grinned as she wrapped the item around his shoulders and bundled him up properly.
He giggled and snuggled down in the item so that the strands of fur were brushing across his cheeks. She took his hand after clasping the blanket shut with an extra cloak pin they had specifically for that purpose. She then turned on one of their oil lights so that they wouldn’t wake everyone else up by tripping down the stairs to the main floor. She walked with the light in front of her and his hand in hers behind her.
Matthias yawned cutely when they reached the bottom of the stairs. She dropped his hand and trusted him to follow her as they walked the rest of the way into the kitchen. “Mor, what are we gonna eat?” he asked as he plopped himself down into the chair closest to the opening of the kitchen.
“Well, we have to give you something to hopefully give us both a bit of relief from your cough,” she explained. She turned to the cupboards where Inej kept the tea that she imported from Ravka for the both of them. None of their other friends or partners had ever gotten a taste for the way that they drank their tea and the blends that were native to their home country, so they were the only ones that got into that cupboard. Because of that, she knew exactly where the item she was looking for was located.
She turned her head to continue talking just in time to see Matthias’ reaction to what she had just said. The little tilted his head down towards where his hands were worrying the edge of the blanket in between his fingers. He fidgeted his feet so that his socked foot was hitting the table leg over and over again. He wasn’t able to stop the coughs that wracked his chest like clockwork every thirty seconds or so, but it was clear that he was trying to.
“Oh, lille hund ,” Nina purred as she realized what he had taken that to mean. She set the honey down on the counter and then walked over to him so that she could cup his face in her hands. “I didn’t mean it like that. I’m up because I’m worried about whether or not you’re sleeping and comfortable, not because you’re being annoying. You have nothing to be anxious or embarrassed about, I promise.”
“Okay, Mor,” he nodded dutifully.
She turned around so that she could get a spoon from the drawer under her tea cupboard. Once she had it, she walked over to the table and took the cap off of the honey. “I know that you don’t like this, but it helps you every time so I really do need you to take it,” she said when she noticed the way that he was pouting.
He was the best little out of the three that they had in the house, so he gave her a reluctant nod. He took the spoon and then placed the honey down on his tongue as he wrapped his lips around the utensil. He pulled it from his mouth clean and then cringed even harder as he worked through the honey to get it down his throat. “Gross, Mor, gross!” he whined.
“But you were such a good lille hund that you get a reward now!” she cheered. She put the cap back on the honey and then returned it to the cupboard where it belonged. She turned around to get something out of the pantry, reappearing with the chocolate chip cookies that they had made the week before. They were getting down to the smaller, broken cookies, but they were going to taste good enough to make him forget about his medicine for a bit.
Matthias held his hand out for the cookie when she presented him with the bag. She gave him two halves and his eyes grew big. He giggled and kicked his feet in front of him, nibbling on the cookies already. She had stolen one of her own chunks while she replaced the bag and she heard him mumbled, “I am Mor’s good puppy!”
When he had finished eating, she took his hand and retreated them back up the stairs to their bedroom. He wasn’t coughing as much anymore because the honey was already working its magic to break up the mucus in his chest, which meant that he was yawning big and wide instead.
She sat him down on the bed and then unpinned the blanket from his shoulders. “Do you need to blow your nose before you lay down?” she asked.
“No, Mor. My face feels stuffy, not runny,” he shook his head. She was going to have to make sure that he kept his face over the water boiling their eggs for breakfast that morning to try and loosen the snot in his sinuses the next morning.
“Okay, good boy,” she kissed his forehead. “Now lay down and try to sleep, alright?”
“Mor isn’t going to lay down and come to bed with me?” Matthias asked, his voice worried and his body once again tense.
She let out a small sigh at herself, having forgotten how nervous her little got whenever he was left on his own while sick. She wasn’t sure what memories he had of being ill when he was younger, but she wasn’t going to pry into him that night. She brushed her hand over the long golden locks that had escaped his bedtime braid and then said, “I’m going to be in the next room over, I just have to help check on some of the others. I think that Kaz might have gotten sick too.”
She was more tuned in to the sounds of people and bodies because of the remnants of her powers that existed still inside of her. It wasn’t anything like it had been before, or when she had taken the parem , but she was still able to make out the hummingbird heartbeat that the aforementioned little had taken on when she got onto the same floor as him.
Matthias stared at her with worried, untrusting blue eyes for a while longer. “Okay, Mor,” he mumbled as he settled down into the blankets. She leaned down and kissed his cheek to remind him that he was loved before she drew back some of the blinds so that a bit of moonlight and orange flickering light from the streetlamps was able to pour onto the bed. It wasn’t nearly as good as what they had in the nursery, but it would help settle him while she was gone. As soon as she was sure that he was okay, she slipped from the room so that she could see what else was going on.
Inej had woken to many sounds before in her life. She had slept in a place with so many other people that the walls almost thrummed with life after her time in the Menagerie, and then again when she was on her boat. She had woken to the sounds of people vomiting before, but it brought out a visceral response in her when she was able to tell that it was Kaz instead of a drunk neutral.
She shot out of bed as quickly as she could and nearly flew down the hall so that she could get to his door. They sometimes snuck up to that attic so that they could sleep together, holding hands or separated by a pillow, but tonight Kaz had decided that he would be fine in his own bed. She wondered briefly if he had said that because he was already beginning to feel sick and hadn’t wanted to tell her.
Anger very briefly brushed through her before she shook it away. Even if he had lied to her, he had done it out of a fear of being known and seen in a way that he didn’t approve of because how vulnerable it left him instead of an anger or distrust towards her. She needed to be there for her little boy because he was sick and he was going to want his caregiver.
She stopped just outside of his door, her chest heaving with anxiety as she tried to collect herself. She wasn’t going to barge into his room looking half asleep and more frazzled than a kidnapping victim only because she had heard a single retch. So she shoved down her shirt and righted her pants, smoothing back some of the flyaways that had escaped her braid. Her heart broke in her chest as she heard a single, mournful, “Mama!”
“I’m here lovely, I’m here,” she soothed as she pressed the door open and then stepped inside. Kaz was sitting on his bed with his legs still tucked over the blanket. His body was twisted sideways and torso was perched over his rug. On the aforementioned carpet was a single spot of gooey yellow mess that he was still spitting into. His mouth was open as he took in harsh pants of breath to try and soothe the feelings no doubt taking over his entire body. “Oh, honey, what happened?” she asked, though she already knew.
“Got sick,” he whimpered. He wiped his mouth and nose with the back of his hand, which she cringed at. She was going to have to figure out a way to get that stain out of his clothing before she gave it back to him.
Inej grabbed the little wooden trashcan that he kept next to the desk in his bedroom and then handed it to him. He didn’t have to be instructed what to do from that point on and bowed his head over it just in case he was sick again. “I’m going to get something to clean this up, you’ll be okay while I’m gone?” she asked.
“Uh huh,” he sniffled. She knew that he was shaking from the cold sweat clinging to his body and his anxiety. He hated being sick, memories of when he had firepox and nearly died always plaguing him on top of his body just generally protesting against everything he wanted to do. She wished that there was a way that she could soothe his every worry and steal his every pain, but she knew that she couldn’t.
“Is he alright?” Nina asked as she glanced to where Inej had just come from Kaz’s bedroom.
“I think Specht gave him the flu, but we’ll see. It’s possible that he just has food poisoning,” Inej sighed. She had gotten almost every kind of flu imaginable since her family was traveling from place to place, exposing them all to quite a few different kinds of illnesses that would have usually just circulated around a town and then died out. It was possible that when she had been feeling a little poorly after docking the week before, she had passed the illness onto her little.
“I don’t think so, he’s barely eaten anything all day. It’s obvious that his stomach has been upset for a while,” Nina shook her head. “You can stay with him and I’ll go get something to clean up the mess. Matthias should be sleeping,” she tacked on the last bit when she noticed the meaningful glance that her friend gave in the direction of her own bedroom.
Inej just nodded and then slipped back into the room. She moved to the end of Kaz’s bed and then elegantly launched herself onto the mattress so that she was able to reach him but didn’t have to avoid the sick. She paused then so that she could assess how he looked without touching him, unsure if he was going to be up for that after his nightmare the day before. His skin was tacky and shining in the dim lamplight glittering through the window, which spoke to the sweat likely being caused by a fever. His cheeks were flushed but the rest of his skin was dreadfully pale. He was shaking and his brows were furrowed together as he tried to stop the movement himself.
“Lovely, can you help me know how you feel?” she asked.
“Okay, Mama,” Kaz sniffled.
“Do you want me to come and sit behind you while we do it?” she offered. It was always a toss up about whether or not Kaz was going to be up for touch, which was something that she understood intimately. She couldn’t handle being touched when she was having flashbacks to the way that she had been treated in the Menagerie, but there were also times when the only thing that she wanted was to be held. Kaz was more likely to want to be held and loved on when he was down in his headspace because a lot of his bad memories were locked away from him, but sometimes the fear overrode the fuzziness of his regressed mind.
“Yes, please,” the little whimpered.
She shifted them around on the bed so that she was propped up against the headboard of the bed with his pillows pushed out to the side. She had him in between her legs with the back of his head against her collarbone so that she could run her fingers through his soft hair. She placed the bin down on the ground, close enough that she could reach it if he started to gag but no longer cradled in his lap. “How does your tummy feel now that you’ve been sick?”
“Hurts, but better,” he sniffled.
“Can you tell me what happened when you woke up?” she asked gently. That would tell her the most about what kind of illness he had. It was possible that his stomach was just upset from swallowing snot if he had whatever it was that had been causing Matthias’ cough.
“Felt bad when I went to sleep and then I woke up and barfed,” he sniffled.
She reached into his bedside drawer and got out a hankie, using it to clean up the remainder of the spittle around his mouth before she made him blow his nose. She dropped the item down next to them on the bed as she continued her soothing motions on his head. His skin was definitely heated and clammy, which made her think that he had a fever. “How does your skin feel?”
“Clothes hurt, Mama,” he whimpered as he cuddled in against her.
The door opened then and Nina walked through with the supplies that they needed to clean the rug. “I brought this for the little boy, figured it would be of some use,” she said as she handed over a thermometer.
“Thank you,” Inej breathed. She was fairly good at telling the differences in the way that someone’s body felt after spending so long helping free people that had been sold into slavery, but it was so much better to have the confirmation. “Can you put this in your mouth? Hold the bulb under your tongue,” Inej instructed her little.
Kaz gave a petulant little whine but did as he was asked. Inej knew that if she watched the raising of the mercury inside of the device that she wasn’t going to be able to read it properly so she looked back to where Nina was cleaning. She sponged the spot with a wet rag and then doused it with finely ground woodchips that they would clear away in the morning when they had finished soaking up the rest of the liquid.
She glanced back to the clock when Nina slipped out of the room and then removed the thermometer from her little’s mouth. “You’ve got a fever, lovely,” she murmured against his forehead. “Mama’s going to stay in here with you tonight and then in the morning we’ll get you feeling a little better, alright?”
The morning came before any of them were really ready for it. Jesper felt like that was happening more often than not, nowadays. He had never been someone that had a particularly easy time sleeping, it was hard for him to actually get to sleep and then all of his years on the farm had forced him to wake up as soon as the sun rose all year long. It didn’t even matter if he could see the sun, his body just knew when daybreak was and would force him to wake. That had only gotten worse when he had a partner that he wanted to stay up to spend time with, especially with Wylan exploring more of his littlespace than he had prior.
Sometimes Jesper would be woken before the sun by the squirming of his little boy next to him. He didn’t really mind that because the exhaustion resting under his eyes was nothing compared to the joy in his heart at getting to see those bright blue eyes shining up at him with all of the intrigue and excitement in the world.
He woke up and felt like something was wrong. He wasn’t sure how else to describe it, he just knew that it was off and it made him wake up far faster than he would usually. Wylan had gone to bed in the nursery since it was his day to be in headspace, the only time that he wasn’t allowed to work with the Dregs and also had time off from the Merchant Council. That meant that Jesper had to walk all the way to the nursery to get to his boyfriend.
Once he was there, he walked over to the bed and carefully sat on the edge of it. Wylan was sleeping in a way that looked to be sound, though he would fidget and squirm every now and again. The fact that his ruddy curls were plastered to his face with sweat was what clued Jesper into the fact that something was, in fact, wrong and he hadn’t just been paranoid. He brushed his hand over Wylan’s forehead to get rid of the curls and then pressed it there so that he could feel if he was overheated. It was true that Wylan sweat a lot in his sleep, but that seemed like a frankly ridiculous amount.
While he was working, the little one in his arms stirred with a high whine. “Daddy?” he asked, blinking those bright blue eyes up at his caregiver.
“Hey sweetie,” Jesper cooed, leaning down to peck at his cheek. That was also slick with sweat, which made him cringe. “How do you feel?”
“Bad,” he whimpered. He gave a hacking cough that sounded oddly similar to what had been rasping through Matthias’ chest for the last few days.
“Oh, my poor little boy,” he soothed as he brushed his hand over Wylan’s hair. “I think that you’re sick.”
Wylan’s face tightened up and went blotchy red as he let out a wail. He leaned so that his nose was buried in Jesper’s sleep shirt as he kicked his legs and whined, “I don’t wanna be sick!”
It took a lot of effort to force his brain to wake up enough that he could properly respond to the situation. He had heard coughing and what sounded like retching the night before when they had been settling to go to sleep, so he was guessing that some of the other littles were also feeling a bit under the weather. It was only a matter of time before the rest of the Crows got ill too, and then they would really be in for it.
Jesper reached down and picked Wylan up by the armpits so that he could settle the little down into his lap. He kissed at his forehead and temple as he rocked them back and forth to try and soothe him. “I know, I know. Nobody ever really wants to be sick, but it’s not something that we can help. How about we get you into a nice cool bath and then we get some breakfast?”
By that point, the little had already settled from his crying fit so that he was sniffling against Jesper’s neck instead of thrashing. “Don’t want breakfast, my tummy hurts,” he whined.
“We’ll get you something nice and light to eat. If you’re sick then your body is going to need a lot of nutrients to help you get all better. You want to get better, yeah?” Jesper asked.
“Yeah,” Wylan whimpered morosely.
It broke his heart to see his little boy in that state, but he knew that there was only so much that he could do about it. He shuffled them out of the bed and then walked them to the en suite bathroom in the nursery. It was devoid of any of the other littles, thankfully, which also probably meant that the other caregivers had already moved their charges down to the living room.
Jesper set Wylan down on the counter as he began to fill the tub with cool water. He took off his shirt and then stripped Wylan carefully out of his clothing. He didn’t say anything when he saw that Wylan was chewing on his fingers or even go searching for a soother because if his little was already that upset, there was no way that Jesper was going to be able to get it out of his mouth to feed him breakfast.
As soon as the tub was full enough, he gently lifted his boyfriend into the air and then lowered him down into the water. He grabbed one of the ultra-soft washcloths that they kept specifically for Wylan and Kaz and then dipped it into the water. Slowly, he brushed the cloth over Wylan’s shoulders and torso so that his skin was once again devoid of sweat and felt cooler.
“That better, baby?” he asked.
“Yeah. Thank you, Daddy,” Wylan mumbled. He looked like he truly felt awful, his skin clammy and his eyes ringed with black from sleeping poorly. He didn’t ask once to be able to play with a toy like he usually did, which worried Jesper.
He tried not to panic about it immediately, soothing himself with what Nina always said when the littles were sick. They were strong, they would be fine. Jesper helped Wylan step over the tub and then wrapped him up in a huge towel to dry him off. He dressed the regressor in a plain white cotton shirt that had little embroidered pansies around the base and a pair of smalls. He decided to forgo any kind of pants because he was still worried about Wylan getting too hot from his fever.
“Let’s go downstairs and get some breakfast. If you’re feeling better by lunch and Matthias doesn’t have to go down for another nap then maybe you can play together like we planned,” Jesper said. He felt a pang of hurt in his heart when he noticed the way that it didn’t make Wylan cheer up in the slightest.
They slowly made their way down the stairs and then Jesper took in the sight around him. Nina had spread out a blanket on the ground that Matthias was sitting on, stacking blocks on top of each other so that he could make his castle to play in like he did every time he woke up in headspace. Kaz was stretched out on the couch with the garbage can from the kitchen next to him, which would explain who Jesper heard being sick the night before. There was a box full of clean napkins on the center table and several next to the basket that had clearly already been used.
“Let’s get you settled down so that you can start to feel better, okay?” Jesper offered as he turned back to his boyfriend. Wylan only nodded his head and continued his slow trail after his caregiver. Jesper gently sat him down in the chair and then pushed the ottoman beneath his feet. He got the throw blanket from the back of the couch and spread it over Wylan’s legs to try and keep him decently warm when he started sweating from the fever again.
When he had finished making sure that his lover was somewhat comfortable, he called, “Do we know where the thermometer is?”
“I’m boiling it because Kaz used it this morning,” Nina called in reply from the kitchen.
“Oh no, another one?” Inej asked as she came downstairs with Kaz’s favorite quilt thrown haphazardly over her arm. She walked over to the couch and then spread it over her own ward the way that Jesper had done to Wylan.
“Wy woke up with a fever this morning, I’ve already given him a cool bath,” Jesper nodded. “What’s up with Kaz?”
Inej sighed as she began to slowly card her fingers through his hair. He was whining and kicking at the blanket on his lap, obviously upset and in pain. “He woke up last night and vomited. I’ve just come from cleaning the rest of it up. I’m almost certain that they have whatever Specht brought to the boat the last time we went sailing,” she shook her head. Jesper knew that she had been the person that was most aware of what that illness looked like since she had been there to see how if affected many different people, but it didn’t stop his mind from whirling with worst case scenarios.
“Okay, I have breakfast!” Nina called as she walked out of the kitchen. She gave Kaz a plate with a single piece of plain toast that was lightly buttered so that it looked more appetizing. Wylan and Matthias got the same thing but with cinnamon sugar on the top, Matthias also receiving a mug of steaming tea.
The caregivers got some of the leftover danishes that Nina had picked up on her way home from visiting with some of the other Grisha still left in Ketterdam and then bitter coffee to keep them awake and alert. “What’s up with Matty, Nina?” Jesper asked.
“He’s still got that head cold. I’m going to have to find a Healer if it doesn’t clean up soon but I’m trying my best,” she sighed with a gentle shake of her head. He could see the way that black was rimming the bottoms of her eyes and how limp her curls were from how exhausted she was. He hoped that everyone could better soon so that they could all have the rest that they deserved.
As soon as they had finished eating, Jesper got the thermometer down to room temperature and then made Wylan hold it in his mouth like Inej had to Kaz earlier that night. She cleaned up the breakfast dishes and disappeared into the kitchen so that she could have something to do. She remembered, very vaguely, her grandmother making something that tasted absolutely rancid but was very good at clearing out any kind of illness from her system. They didn’t have the ingredients and she wasn’t sure that it was going to work for a flu from Ketterdam instead of a cold from Ravka anyway.
Instead, she found the willow bark pills that they kept in the lower cabinets for when Kaz came home with a headache or someone had a hangover. She grabbed that and a mug of ginger mint tea to try and help soothe her little’s stomach as she walked back out into the living room. “Hey baby,” she purred as she knelt down in front of him. “How are you feeling?”
“Bad, Mama, make it go away,” he whined as he squirmed further down underneath his blanket.
“How does it feel bad? Does your head hurt, your tummy feel upset, your skin?” she asked, trying to find out what could be wrong with him. She was glad that he had the escape of his headspace so that he wasn’t launched into a series of PTSD flashbacks like he was the first time she had ever seen him be sick, back before he accepted that part of himself, but it was frustrating to try and pull information out of his three-year-old mind.
“My skin feels so bad, Mama,” he whimpered. “And my head hurts right here,” he jammed one of his hands over the front of his forehead, his fingers stretching back towards the center of his skull.
“I’m so sorry, love,” she whispered as she brushed her hand over his head. “I have some medicine that can help with your headache, do you think that you could sit up to take it?”
“Medicine, that’s a good idea,” Jesper snapped his fingers. He jogged up to the second floor bathroom where they kept most of their medications so that everything was in the same place. She risked a glance away from her own little and then felt her heart shatter when she saw how miserable the little boy looked in his own fevered state.
Inej turned back to her own little. She set the tea down on the ground next to him and continued to pet his hair. “Did the breakfast that Auntie Nina gave you make you feel any better?” she asked, nervous about what his answer was going to be. She had never been to classes about how to be a caregiver the same way that Jesper and Nina had, but she had learned a lot from them. She was trying her best and always put her entire heart into it, but she was terrified that she was doing something wrong. That fear had put her on edge so that she felt like she was on misstep away from breaking down.
“Kinda,” he shrugged aimlessly. “Mama, I want you to make it go away!”
“Do you wanna take these pills? They’ll help with your headache and then you’ll start to feel better,” Inej suggested.
He whined and threw his arms messily over his head, “No! I don’t wanna take medicine, I want Mama to make it go away.”
“Mama can’t make it go away,” Inej said. “I’m not a Healer, sweetie. The only thing that I can do is give you things that will help your body make you better faster.”
“No, no, no, no!” Kaz shouted. He didn’t raise his voice very often when he was out of his headspace because the change in tone and dip in volume that he used when he was trying to intimidate people was a very well-organized dance. When he was regressed, that was the only way that he knew how to communicate with her. That and crying, which it seemed like he had also decided was a wonderful idea.
It startled Wylan so that the other little began to cry. Jesper raced down the stairs so that he could gather the wailing, sick little up into his arms. He walked them around the living room while rocking them slightly and trying to soothe him back down into a nap-adjacent state.
“Sorry, Jes,” Inej called. She was terrified that Kaz was going to spend the next several days, up to two weeks, in this kind of pain because she didn’t know how to help him. She turned back and brushed her fingers over the side of his head but all it did was make him cry harder as he rolled towards the couch. “Lovely, I want you to turn and look at me,” she instructed gently.
She felt another presence next to her and she felt a jolt of possessiveness as she thought that it was Jesper or Nina coming to tell her how she could do it better. Instead, she saw Matthias. Kindhearted, earnest, very little and also sick Matthas. “Can I help?” he asked, nervous as he looked to where Kaz was pitching his fit.
“I don’t think so, but thank you for offering, bjorn ,” she kissed his forehead the way that she knew he liked. “Do you think that you could get your castle finished? The other littles might like to see you put on a story with it.”
He lit up and then scrambled back over to his blanket. Nina walked in after that, in a simple blue dress with a white apron tied around her waist. The other two caregivers knew that whenever one of them was sick she liked to clean the house and cook, as a way to get rid of her nervous energy now that she couldn’t help them. Now that Inej was aware of where everyone else was, she turned back to her own little. “Kaz, I want you to take a deep breath for me, please.”
“No! I don’t wanna take the medicine! Make it go away, Mama!” he screamed, kicking his legs and wailing his arms against the couch even harder than before.
Inej stood up and calmly walked to the dining room. She sat down the steaming mug of tea and bottle of willow bark on the table and said, “See if you can get him to take this since I am clearly not good enough.”
She didn’t give the other caregiver a chance to say anything as she turned around and walked out of their apartment as quickly as she could. She only stopped so that she could pick up one of her knives and tuck it into the sheath on her thigh just in case someone tried something. The humid winter air was relieving after being stuck in the house with so much smog from the boiling water and coughing breaths. It let her tilt her head up towards the gray, cloudy sky and let her tears fall as she walked.
She was ashamed that she had run out on Kaz when he needed her, when he was sick and asking that she make it better for him. She wished with her entire heart that she could, but she knew that she couldn’t. She simply wasn’t born with the ability to reach into his body and draw the sickness from him. She had never hated herself more than she did now, when she thought about how much of a failure she was and how frustrated she was at how her day was going.
She came back to the house after a brisk, ten minute walk around their neighborhood. She shed the knife and then turned to the living room.
Jesper was walking the length of the space with Kaz bundled up underneath his favorite blanket, rubbing his back. The little was still fussing, rubbing his forehead against Jesper’s shoulder while whimpering out, “Want Mama. Want Mama, please.”
“Mama’s here, sweetie,” she called out to him. She walked quickly over to the couch and then sat down so that Jesper could place Kaz down in her lap. As soon as they were on the same surface, she turned him so that his legs were spread out down on the couch and over her lap. She wound her arm around his shoulders so that she could pet his hair. He clung to her like he was terrified that she was going to disappear and she vowed that no matter how much he frustrated her, she wasn’t going to leave when he was feeling sick ever again.
Jesper was free to finish taking care of Wylan once Inej was back for Kaz. He didn’t blame her for having to take a step out, having a sick little was one of the most overwhelming things that could happen to a caregiver. He checked to make sure that Wylan was settled into his chair before he disappeared back up the stairs to finish what he had been doing. He came back down with the tincture that they had gotten when he had caught the flu the year before and his fever had refused to come down.
He tucked the bottle into his pocket so that none of the littles would see what he had when he was coming downstairs. They had only just gotten them to settle down and stop fitting, he didn’t want to cause a relapse in them all for something as small as the fowl tasting medicine.
“Hey there, how’s my favorite little guy?” Jesper asked as he sat down on the edge of the ottoman where Wylan had his feet propped.
“I’m okay, Daddy. Is Kaz gonna be okay?” he asked as he peaked around his caregiver to his friend.
“Of course he is, he’s got his mama with him,” Jesper nodded reassuringly. He reached out so that he could rub his hand along Wylan’s calf to try and assess how hot his skin still was. He knew that the little had perked up a little bit after eating some breakfast but he wasn’t nearly as well as Jesper had hoped. “I’m glad that you’re starting to feel less sick. Do you know what would make you feel even better?”
“What?” Wylan asked, looking a bit curious. It was good that the longer the day went on the more he perked up, Jesper would have been even more worried if Wylan worsened.
“If you took this medicine,” he said as he brandished the bottle from its hiding place.
He had been hoping that Wylan would be feeling bad enough to just concede to it, that some part of his brain would understand that Jesper would never feed him anything that disgusting just for fun. “No, Daddy!”
“Please, sweetheart?” Jesper asked, his shoulders hunching as he realized how long of a fight it was going to be.
Wylan shook his head, putting his foot down. The caregiver sighed as he placed the tincture down in the spot it belonged on the edge of the table and then sat down on the floor beside him. He might as well keep the little company while he was trying to think of a way to get Wylan to actually take his medicine.
On the other side of the room, Inej got up from the couch and then returned with the bottle of pills and the tea that she had made earlier. By now it had cooled off enough that the little could drink it without it burning his throat, so he took it into his hands and gulped it down with one of the little white pills that his mama offered him.
An idea lit up in his mind then. He knew that it was a bit insidious, but he had to finish getting Wylan’s fever down so his body could properly recover. He turned towards his boyfriend and whispered to him like they were sharing the most scandalous of secrets. “See, Kaz is taking his meds like a good boy. Don’t you wanna be like him?” Jesper asked.
The little deliberated on it for a second before he nodded and eagerly reached out for the tincture. He made a face when he swallowed it but he got it all down and then gave a triumphant crow. Jesper peppered his face with kisses to show his charge just how proud he was for what Wylan had managed to do.
Nina had been brainstorming the entire time that she had been baking in the kitchen. She cleaned and cooked when the others were sick because a clean home had never done anyone any harm and it was the only thing that she could think that was in her power to do. It was hard for her to see the people that she cherished so deeply be in pain or even uncomfortable when once upon a time, there was something that she could have done to help them. She had cured Kaz of colds, healed wounds on Jesper and Wylan, even brought Inej back from the brink of death. She had only ever healed Matthias once, but every time she heard that wracking cough all she wanted to do was make him cured of all that ailed him.
She couldn’t. Not since she had taken the parem and then had her powers stolen from her. So instead, she got the ingredients to make her favorite comfort food and set to work in the kitchen. She heard the others talking with the sicker littles and Matthias putting a show on for them in the living room while she cleaned up her mess.
The caregiver had just pulled out the cinnamon rolls from the oven and was letting them cool while she prepared the icing when she heard the cough far closer than it had been before. “Mor?” Matthias asked, clutching at the edge of his shirt.
“Yes, lille hund ?” she replied as she reached for his hand.
“Can I have some more of the honey?” He kept his head bowed down to the ground but let himself be lead further into the kitchen.
“Of course you can!” Nina immediately replied. She left the icing where it was on the counter since she had finished mixing everything other than the vanilla into it. She retrieved the honey from the cupboard and then offered her little a spoonful of the viscous material.
He wrinkled his nose when he took the spoon from her, but dutifully pressed it between his teeth as he scraped it off and then swallowed it. She had to resist the urge to giggle when she saw the full body shiver that he gave when it slid down his throat. “Can I have some water to get rid of the flavor, please?” he asked politely once he had recovered.
“I’ll give you something even better,” she whispered conspiratorially. She walked back over to the bowl that she had been working with, swirling the spoon a few times so that it properly mixed in all of the flavoring. She then walked over to the cinnamon rolls and doused them with the white fluid so that they were dripping down onto the towel that she had put there specifically to catch the excess. Once she had finished, she handed the bowl over to her very confused little. “You can have the rest of the icing.”
“Really?” he asked, his eyes wide with excitement.
“Really!” she nodded. “It’s very good, if I do say so myself.”
He tentatively reached his tongue out and licked the tip of the spoon before he had suddenly licked off every bit of icing. He then leaned into her, tucking his head against her neck despite his grand height. “Thank you, Mor. You always know how to make me feel better.”
She felt like her heart was going to burst in her chest, but she kept that opinion to herself as she just held him. It was had to remind herself of the fact that she could still give to others even if she didn’t have her powers, but her little was always there to be that much-needed force in her life.