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"N-no, I'm not sssssshitting you! It really happened guys! Guys!" Shinra seemed to forget what he was trying to explain, and instead started to babble the word "guys" over and over while falling to his back on the floor. Izaya was the only sober one left to even feel disgusted, and so felt it was his duty to look at Shinra's drunken display with a mixture of pity and abhorrence.
He hadn't even wanted to come, but Shinra knew how to manipulate people with his level of annoyance. You'd think he only had the one, which could also be considered his natural state of being a retarded fuckhead. But once he cranked it up to the "I will come to your house and do this every night as you fall asleep" phase, not even Izaya could withstand it. His hand had been forced.
Shinra and Celty had just gotten a new apartment together, and Shinra basically screamed in the face of anyone that would listen that they were having a house warming party, because that's what couples that were in love did. And that they needed close friends to break in the new apartment in order to make it cozy and welcoming and happy. Izaya literally gagged when Shinra had gushed out that display, but he'd been so delusional that he hadn’t noticed. Izaya could not begin to imagine how Celty put up with that freak. Well, considering she was also a freak, he guessed they just matched.
The party had been less house warming, and more "let's see how many of us can puke on the new carpeting". That's what it had boiled down to, at least. Izaya had been the only one who refused to join in on the drinking games, besides Celty, of course. Could she even get drunk? Maybe he could sneak up behind her and try pouring a drink down her neck hole. Or he could give her head a few sips of vodka when he was finally able to escape to his home. He didn't have high hopes, but it was worth trying out.
Izaya was perched at the end of the couch, one of the few pieces of furniture Shinra and Kadota managed to drag in before they got piss poor drunk. The majority of the guests had left at a decent hour, while Erika, Walker, Kadota, and Shinra were sat around a lone coffee table. Kadota was still trying to finish the game, but the others seemed fit to ramble and gesture at each other like cavemen. Erika and Walker didn't seem to notice that half of what came out of their mouths weren't even words, and Celty had to reach out with her smoke tentacles to stop Shinra's head from bouncing off the hard wooden edge of the table. Again.
He would share a look with her, if he could. And foregoing the obvious reasons why he couldn't, they didn't exactly get along enough to do that sort of thing with each other. And speaking of not getting along...
Shizuo had even been made to come, but he thought that was more thanks to Celty than Shinra. They were chummy like that, he supposed. He was surprised that he'd come at all, even if Celty ended up begging. Izaya was there, after all. And why would he subject himself to his presence if it just meant the destruction of the nice, new apartment? Celty might be more persuasive than he thought her to be. Or, all that alcohol could be helping, too. Shizuo wasn't any better off than the rest of them, and in fact, he was a little worse for wear. Izaya had kept track of his inebriation throughout the night, and he figured by now, Shizuo wouldn't even be able to manage a slur in his direction. It wasn't like he'd try, though. He'd been thoroughly ignoring Izaya all night, deflecting any barbs with a lazy blink and another bottle of beer.
And that made it so Izaya couldn't tease him. What fun was there to be had when poking a dead body with a stick, anyhow? That disappointment was making this night all the more boring. Izaya would leave, but every time he went for the door, Shinra latched onto his leg like a child, moaning into his jeans about how long they'd been friends for. And then he'd end up back on the couch, almost like magic. He sighed woefully; asserting his disdain upon those gaggle of monkeys just wasn't enough to keep him entertained. He'd have to remind himself to do something to Shinra once he got out of there. Plotting payback was pretty fun. Why not start on it right now? It'd give him something to do, anyway.
Just as he settled in to get some work done, Izaya felt the couch shift. He looked over, and saw Shizuo had migrated from the floor to the opposite end of the couch that Izaya sat on. He still wasn't looking at him, so Izaya couldn't tell why he'd come to share the same furniture with him. It was strange, at the very least. Maybe Shizuo was just that drunk? Whatever. He had better things to do than play babysitter.
But there it was again, that shift. Like Shizuo was coming closer. And he was; he was at the middle cushion, now. About a foot of space separated them, but he still wasn't looking at him directly. Did Shinra spike the punch with something a little more dubious than rum?
Shizuo finally flopped his limp neck in Izaya's general vicinity. Izaya's mouth twitched, not knowing whether to smirk or to frown. He'd never seen Shizuo drunk before. Not up close, at least. All the times he'd spent tailing Shizuo when he went out to bars and clubs for research purposes, he'd been pretty far away. He didn't know what exactly to expect. Izaya's lips tipped up into a smirk; things were looking up. Any chance for new information on one of his greatest hindrances was always a plus.
Once Shizuo dragged his heavy body until just a few inches were between them, and narrowed his clouded eyes on Izaya's lips. "Heeeyyyy."
Izaya raised an eyebrow, not deeming that an answer.
Shizuo soldiered on, taking a swig from his longneck before speaking again. "Hey. Yanno. Yanno, you... I hate chu."
Izaya rolled his eyes. "Tell me something I don't know, Shizu-chan."
Shizuo seemed to consider this. He cocked his head, and was nearly unable to make it upright again, as his neck was comparable to a wet noodle. "Ya got purty eyesh. And a purty mouf. Mouth. And a, uh..." He trailed off, his face coming closer and closer to Izaya's astounded expression.
He's not going to kiss me... is he? He didn't know how to feel about that. But as he felt Shizuo's nose brushing against his, the lush lost what little grip he had on consciousness and ended up smacking Izaya between the eyes with his own forehead. "Goddammit!" Even in the act of passing out, Shizuo could still manage to kill a lesser man.
Izaya was about to shove off Shizuo's prone body, but stopped to think about the possible advantages. It would be worth lying under the uncomfortable weight if he got to see the look on Shizuo's face when he woke up. Even if he lost a limb or two, that was something he had to see. So he laid back against the arm of the couch, Shizuo nuzzling against his neck in his sleep.
Over his shoulder, Izaya could see silent laughter shaking Celty's shoulders. Yeah, laugh it up, bitch. We'll both see what Shizu-chan ends up breaking in the morning.
END