Archive of Our Own

Beomgyu was uncomfortable. He silently stood in front of the four boys, a somewhat nervous expression on his face. 

“Why wouldn’t you tell us something like this, Beomgyu-ah?” 

Beomgyu felt his heart twinge in his chest. Why did Yeonjun’s tone sound like that? What did it mean? Beomgyu couldn’t quite place it. Was he hurt? Or…maybe upset? Disappointed. Beomgyu had no idea, and that scared him. 

“I––” Beomgyu nervously spoke, not knowing how to reply. 

How did they get here? 

💙

Beomgyu silently awoke in the bed, curling into the warmth surrounding his body silently. Kai softly laughed, patting the older boy’s hair silently with his eyes still closed. Beomgyu snuggled in closer to the younger boy’s taller figure, tail starting to tickle his legs. He was mostly used to ignoring it, but lately he was noticing it more and more. Now that his father was out of his life, he didn’t have to scrunch it up when he wore shorts anymore. Now that his father was gone, he could let his tail free. Maybe even get some hybrid-special pants made by Yeonjun. But even that was a dream he could never think of achieving. He was fine with them just knowing about his tail.

“Beomgyu-hyung–– come on, we need to wake up for breakfast.” Kai said in a grimaced tone, sleepiness evident in his voice. 

Beomgyu groaned once more, tail curling around his legs as he curled up into a ball. 

“Five more minutes…” He pleaded with the younger boy, face turned up in a grimace. 

Last night they celebrated Beomgyu’s father going to jail by going to eat at a local barbecue place. It had been almost a week since his father was incarcerated, but this was the only time the other boys were free for a prolonged period of time. Beomgyu was greatly intrigued by the concept of the restaurant. Cooking your own food on a grill outside? With something called ‘soju’ to accompany it? Beomgyu thought it was all just wonderful. Not only was the meat good, but the soju was too. It left a sting down Beomgyu’s throat at first, but when he got to his third or fourth shot it started to become more flavorful, intriguing Beomgyu’s senses. They all went on like that until Beomgyu could barely walk home anymore, needing the help from his Yeonjun and Soobin-hyungs. 

I’m never drinking again…I hate this. Is this what Yeonjun-hyung was talking about last night? What did he call it again? A…hangover. Ugh, if this is the punishment, drinking is never worth it. 

“Come on, hyung. Soobin-hyung made haejang-guk. It’ll help with your hangover.” Taehyun entered his shared room with Kai, a small smile on his face. Soobin sent him to wake Beomgyu and Kai, much too tired to shout. 

Kai pulled Beomgyu up by the arms, the hybrid’s forehead spiking in pain, not unlike the time not-so-long-ago where he fell sick. They both walked down to the kitchen, the delicious scent of hangover soup filling Beomgyu’s senses. They all sat at the table, Beomgyu tiredly looking at the bowl of still-steaming soup on the table. He smiled, picking up his spoon before tasting it silently, a warm smile immediately overtaking his face, making his dimples pop out. 

When they finished breakfast, they all gathered around their couch, deciding to watch a movie. It was the weekend, meaning everyone was home to spend time with Beomgyu. Beomgyu liked these kinds of days; ones filled with soft laughs from the other boys and silent moments that Beomgyu could appreciate for what they were. 

“Let’s watch Shang-Chi––” Yeonjun declared, grabbing the remote with a wide smile on his face. 

“Hyung, we are not watching Shang-Chi again. This is the fourth time this month! Give it to me.” Kai admonished as he sat down on the couch, forcefully grabbing the remote from Yeonjun’s hand. 

“But Beomgyu hasn’t seen it yet! Shouldn’t he have the chance to watch the masterpiece that is Shang-Chi and the Ten Rings?” Yeonjun pleaded with a small pout in his lips, endearing Beomgyu silently. 

“How about we let Beomgyu-hyung decide then. Now, hyung, listen closely. Do you want to watch Shang-Chi and the Ten Rings, or do you want to watch literally anything else?” Kai asked the hybrid with an expression of distaste on his face, clearly wanting him to choose the latter. 

Beomgyu looked nervously in between Kai and Yeonjun, seriously distraught over the question. Yeonjun looked at Beomgyu pleadingly, cupping his hands silently as his eyes sparkled. Kai looked at him with a cuter pout, pleading with the older as well. Beomgyu was a people pleaser at the end of the day, but this presented a conundrum. Even if he pleased one of them, the other would still be upset. Beomgyu didn’t like that; he didn’t like when any of these four boys were upset for any particular reason. He felt anxiety rise up in his body, silently looking in between both boys still with pleading expressions on their faces. He felt silent tears well up in his eyes, feeling so incredibly distressed and distraught at upsetting one of the two boys. They immediately noticed this, Yeonjun and Kai’s expressions immediately softening as they stood up from the couch to comfort the hybrid. 

“No, no, Beomgyu–– don’t cry–– it’s okay. Look, we don’t have to watch it! We can watch anything you want to watch, okay? Please, don’t cry Beomgyu.” Yeonjun laid his warm hands on Beomgyu’s cheek, the hybrid looking at him with an emotional expression. 

“Yeah, Beomgyu-hyung! You don’t have to choose if you don’t want to, that’s totally fine! Don’t worry about it! In fact, let’s watch Shang-Chi, okay? Don’t cry anymore, Beomgyu-hyung.” Kai grabbed the hybrid’s hands, rubbing them softly in his hand before looking at the older with a worried expression. Beomgyu closed his eyes, a few falling from them as he nodded silently. 

“I’m sorry,” he emotionally replied as the two boy’s led him to the couch, immediately making them shake their heads silently. 

“You have nothing to be sorry for, Beomgyu-hyung. It was our fault for pressuring you.” Kai still held Beomgyu’s hands as they sat on the couch, the boy looking at him with the softest smile he could muster. 

“Yeah, Beomgyu. Please, speak up if we pressure you in any way. We never want you to cry over us.” Yeonjun continued after his youngest boyfriend, patting the hybrid’s hand softly. 

Beomgyu nodded silently, drying his eyes of tears before smiling warmly. 

“We just can’t leave you three alone for two minutes, can we?! Look what you did, you made Beomgyu cry. Happy with yourselves?” Soobin entered the room shaking his head teasingly, a bowl of popcorn in his hand. Beomgyu softly laughed, recognizing the teasing nature of his hyung’s remarks. 

“Aigoo…sorry, Beomgyu-ah. They’re blockheads but they never want to upset you. I can promise you that.” Soobin smiled easily at the hybrid, patting his head, setting the bowl on the coffee table and sitting on the far end of the couch. Taehyun soon entered the living room as well, sodas and other snacks in hand. He smiled silently, waving the snacks around before setting them down and sitting on the floor. Beomgyu offered his seat, but Taehyun refused with an excuse like I like this spot the most. It’s fine, Beomgyu-hyung, don’t worry! 

Thus, they began to watch the movie together, Beomgyu’s eyes sparkling in curiosity as the opening credits rolled. Yeonjun kept patting his back with a serious expression on his face as they watched the movie, leftover from his guilt with Beomgyu from the moment they had earlier. Beomgyu shifted uncomfortably, his hand was extremely close to the start of his tail. No one knew this (except for Beomgyu of course), but Beomgyu’s tail was extremely sensitive. When his father did stuff with Beomgyu in the bedroom, he would forcefully grab Beomgyu’s tail to force him into submission. This made Beomgyu afraid of people touching his tail. He wanted to be more confident though; so he was in the midst of convincing himself that they would never do something like that to him since they couldn’t bear to make him uncomfortable. 

Beomgyu kept shifting his position on the couch silently throughout the movie, uncomfortableness still flowing through his body. Yeonjun did not fail to notice his uncomfortable shifting, confusing him greatly. He shrugged it off, focusing on the movie instead. 

Once the movie ended, they all tried to decide on another one to watch, fully content with spending their whole day on their couch. Beomgyu uncomfortably moved down from the couch, spreading his legs out under their coffee table and lifting his hips to the side so the start of tail wouldn’t be hurt under the weight of his body. Taehyun silently noticed this somewhat weird gesture from the older, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. 

“Hyung, are you okay? Did you injure yourself somehow?” Taehyun laid his hand on Beomgyu’s arm, the hybrid slightly flinching. 

“Y–Yeah. I’m fine, don’t worry.” Beomgyu nodded as he smiled softly, trying to ease the boy’s worries. It did little to actually ease his worries, but he nodded silently, deciding to just accept it. 

They then decided to watch a cheesy romance movie–– as argued by Soobin that it was a historical masterpiece that Beomgyu needs to see under all circumstances. It was Mama Mia. Not only did Beomgyu find another movie he seemed to like, he also discovered that Soobin was a hopeless romantic , especially when it comes to romance movies. 

Beomgyu kept adjusting his position as they were watching, to the point where each boy noticed the boy squirming around on the floor uncomfortably. They all looked at each other silently, Soobin silently pausing the movie with the remote. Beomgyu turned his head around, confused as he looked at each boy with a slightly worried expression on his face. His tail squirmed uncomfortably under his body, the hybrid opting to stand up instead and look at the four boys. 

“Okay, Beomgyu, why do you keep squirming? Is something wrong?” Yeonjun immediately got to the point, impatient nature on display. 

“Um, I’m just…um. Sorry, I’m kind of… uncomfortable.” Beomgyu fiddled with his fingers as he bit his lip, looking down at the floor, clearly uncomfortable with the situation. 

“With what? Anything we can do to fix it?” Soobin immediately questioned, an innocent smile on his face as he tilted his head. 

“Um…no. It’s um…it’s just my tail bothering me. It…it tends to get frizzy and weird when it rains outside or it’s humid. Sorry.” Beomgyu apologized, still fiddling with his fingers before looking at the boys with a nervous expression on his face. 

The boys stared back at him with wide eyes, each of them having an astonished expression on their faces. What did he just say? Beomgyu has a tail? And they didn’t have any clue about it at all? That didn’t sit right with any of them. 

They all fell silent for a moment, before the oldest of the group spoke up. 

“Why wouldn’t you tell us something like this, Beomgyu-ah?” Yeonjun stood up as he spoke, his boyfriends recognizing the hurt tone in his voice. They figured he must’ve been the most upset by this revelation; he was the actual fashion designer of the group, he could’ve made Beomgyu pants that specifically catered to his tail needs. He would’ve done anything in his power to make sure Beomgyu never felt uncomfortable with any part of his body. 

Beomgyu felt nervousness and anxiety wrap around his heart, his heart twingeing in his chest. Why did Yeonjun’s tone sound like that? What did it mean? Beomgyu couldn’t quite place it. Was he hurt? Or…maybe upset? Disappointed. Beomgyu had no idea, and that scared him. 

“I––” Beomgyu nervously spoke, not knowing how to reply. 

And that’s how they got into this situation. Beomgyu felt like crying. 

“I’m sorry. I felt like telling you–– I really did! But…I had my own personal reasons.” Beomgyu looked guiltily to the side, curling in on himself slightly. 

“Beomgyu, that doesn’t make any sense. You’ve never had any problem with telling us stuff about you before, why is this situation different?” Yeonjun shook his head as he spoke, an overly confused expression on his face. 

Beomgyu felt silent tears well up in his eyes, emotions filling up his body steadily. 

“I––I––” Beomgyu emotionally spoke, lips curling down as they shook steadily, eyes sparkling with unshed tears. 

“What is it, Beomgyu? Why is this so hard that you couldn’t even tell us? What held you back from telling us that you have a literal tail? ” Yeonjun grabbed Beomgyu’s hands, slightly smiling as his eyes welled up with tears. 

Beomgyu looked down at his hands intertwined with Yeonjun, tears still in his eyes as his lips shook silently. 

“I––I––” Beomgyu hesitated once more, feeling scared for the first time with his hyung. 

“What, Beomgyu?! What is it?!” Yeonjun said forcibly, grip on Beomgyu’s hand’s tightening. 

“He used it, okay?!” Beomgyu shouted, closing his eyes as tears fell onto his cheeks. He forcibly pulled his hands away from Yeonjun’s hold, backing up from the boys. He opened his eyes, looking at each boy as more tears fell on his face. Each boy looked at him with heartbroken expressions on their faces, some tearing up in response. 

He breathed, stepping back from the boys as he looked painfully at the floor. 

“When…when he took me to the room…and I didn’t want to. He…he grabbed it and forced me onto the bed. He would use it sometimes…pulling it, wrapping it around my neck. And my brother…he…he would try pulling it off my body if he ever saw it. So…I learned to hide it. To never tell anyone how sensitive it was…or how it hurt for days after someone touched it.” 

There it was. The truth laid bare in front of everyone. Now the question was, how would they react to this? Would they take pity on him? Or, would they accept it with no questions asked, just like all of the other times? 

Of course they would accept with no questions asked. Beomgyu knew this fact better than any other person in the world. But he didn’t want that right now. He wanted to be a cranky child who stayed up past their bedtime and refused to go to bed as their parents lifted them up and carried them to their room. He didn’t want comfort; he took comfort in the fact that his dad was gone. For good. So when Soobin went to hug him (as he always did), Beomgyu backed away as he shook his head. Soobin’s eyes silently widened, arms falling to the side as he stared at the hybrid. 

“Don’t touch me.” He softly spoke, backing away from the group as he dipped his head to the floor. He bit his lip before backing up more, unintentionally hitting his legs on the table holding the TV, causing it to knock back and forth before ultimately falling to the floor. He silently turned around, eyes going wide at the fallen TV and unintentionally welling up with more tears. 

“I…I’m sorry,” he whispered, head falling to the floor before he ran away to the safety of his room.

💙

Beomgyu didn’t want to talk about his problems for once in his life. He was supposed to be over this. His father was locked up, in jail, Beomgyu was never going to see him again. This wasn’t about his father anymore; Beomgyu could now control his own destiny. But… maybe he was lying to himself. Maybe he needed himself to be over this, so the other boys wouldn’t worry about him.  Beomgyu didn’t want to think about his father, he just wanted to collectively forget all of his memories with his father that ever existed. 

The hybrid collapsed on his bed, tears falling from his eyes as he groaned loudly. Why, just why did he have to do that? They were probably hurt. And on top of that, he (probably) broke their TV. He didn’t deserve to be happy with them; especially not after this stunt. He was sure each boy thought so as well, even if his heart was furiously fighting against his mind saying that isn’t true, they’d love you even if you broke the TV. 

They’re not dad. 

A tiny voice yelled into the depths of his brain, lodging itself somewhere he knew he wouldn’t be able to ignore. 

They’re not dad. They wouldn’t yell and hit you just because you accidentally knocked over their TV. They’re good people, they wouldn’t yell at you for no apparent reason. They wouldn’t curse at you and hit you.You know it as well as I do. They could never truly hate you like dad did. It’s just not possible for them. 

But what if they’re lying to me? What if they hate my guts and they’re really good at hiding it? 

Then what was the point of all the tears? In the courtroom? In their arms? Why would they cry if they truly didn’t love you? 

Beomgyu just wanted love. He wanted someone to consistently communicate with him how it was okay to just be himself. That there were no expectations for him as a person, because he knew deep down he was a shell of a person; a hollow husk ready to be filled up with as much love as he could take. Was that so wrong? Sue him for doing whatever he could to hold onto that love he felt. At the end of the day he was just a wounded child who wanted a basic human desire. 

That’s what the boys were trying to give him. They were just trying to support Beomgyu as best as they could given the circumstances. Beomgyu knew that fact all too well, yet he was still selfish and wanted to sulk and be left alone like a child who didn’t get what he wanted. He felt so guilty. Maybe if he begged for forgiveness they’d accept him again. He desperately wanted to be held by his Soobin-hyung right now. He felt silent tears invade his eyes, pouring down his cheeks as he curled into himself. Sleep silently overtook him, eyes closing as his body relaxed.

💙

They four boys stood around their living room silently, some with astonished expressions on their faces. Taehyun silently set the TV back up on their table again, eyes quickly scanning over it to make sure it wasn’t broken. They all stood silently in their same positions, Kai and Yeonjun tearing up as they looked at the staircase. 

“What just happened?” The silence is broken by Taehyun’s words, a somewhat confused expression on his face. 

The boys stood in silence in response, no one daring to utter a single word. That is, until the oldest of the group broke their silence once more. 

“I think I messed up. I…I just wanted to know. I didn’t think…that sort of thing would happen.” Yeonjun teared up more, looking at his boyfriends with a hurt expression. Soobin immediately wrapped his long arms around the older in response, a natural caring attitude showing through his serious expression. 

“We know you didn’t mean it, Yeonjun-hyung. Maybe it’s a sensitive topic for him. You heard what he said. That he used it. Maybe it’s a sensitive topic for him. We can’t push him to talk about it. It…might be hard for him to think about. Maybe he didn’t even want us to know, there’s always that possibility too. But…I think we should leave him alone for a while before we apologize. He probably needs time to process this.” Soobin turned to his younger boyfriends, soft expression on his face as he still held Yeonjun in his arms. They all nodded silently, Yeonjun’s tears drying against Soobin’s chest. 

🩵

When Beomgyu awoke once more, he dried the tears on his eyelashes as he stood up from his bed, a nonchalant expression on his face. He looked around his room silently, rising from his bed with a sort of silent grace. He stayed silent as he left the room, walking to the end of the hall wanting desperately to be held in his Soobin-hyung’s arms and never let go. When his eyes met Yeonjun reading a book, his heart immediately clenched. Yeonjun met his eyes silently, flinching back as he closed the book he was reading. Beomgyu’s pupils widened, tears silently invading his eyes once more. He silently walked closer to the older man on his bed, fingers fiddling at his sides. 

“Yeonjun-hyung––” 

“Beomgyu-ah––” 

The two speak simultaneously, surprising them both. Yeonjun stood up from his bed with a serious expression, causing Beomgyu to slightly curl in on himself. Was he still mad? Beomgyu silently awaits for the older to start talking again, a slight grimace on his face. 

“I’m sorry,” Yeonjun says softly, head hanging in disappointment. Beomgyu’s eyes silently widened. Well, he certainly wasn’t expecting to hear that from his Yeonjun-hyung. 

“I––I shouldn’t have pushed you to share. You didn’t want to talk about it–– that’s okay. I just… thought you didn’t tell me because you didn’t trust me. I thought if you told me you could trust me more–– I…I just want you to be happy with us, Beomgyu.” Tears silently welled up in Yeonjun’s eyes, glistening as he didn’t want them to fall. Beomgyu took silent note of his hyung’s expression, restlessness filling his body. Finally, he gave into his instincts, wrapping his arms tightly around Yeonjun’s figure. His cheeks immediately reddened, eyes closing as his body fully relaxed as Yeonjun hugged him back. He felt unintentional tears well up in his eyes, falling on his cheeks as he sniffled against his hyung’s back. His legs started feeling numb, slowly falling to the floor as he pulled Yeonjun down with him. 

“I’m sorry, hyung. I didn’t want to talk about it. But…I shouldn’t have yelled like that. I––I was just… tired… and scared and didn’t want to think about anything. Much less be touched by someone. I––I thought about it and realized…you guys aren’t my dad. You would never hurt me intentionally like he would. You could never hate me like my dad did. I’m sorry. I thought for a minute you might––but…I was wrong.” 

Yeonjun felt tears run down his face as quickly as they invaded his eyes, burying his head into Beomgyu’s shoulder. He instinctively wrapped his arms around Beomgyu’s smaller frame tightly, as if he would disappear if he held him any looser than he was. 

“I love you so much, Beomgyu. So much. I’m so sorry your hyung is so stupid sometimes. I know you must’ve been scared. I never want to ever intentionally hurt you. Sometimes… my love gets translated differently. But I never want to scare you, or hurt you. I just…I care so much, and seeing you emotional gets me emotional. Do you forgive me?” 

Beomgyu nodded against his hyung’s back, eyes starting to droop as he became exhausted once again. 

“Beomgyu?” 

“Yes, hyung?” 

“Do you want me to make pants for you so your tail isn’t uncomfortable anymore?” 

Beomgyu smiled silently, eyes fully closed, a fluffy feeling in his mind. 

“I’d love that…hyung…” He fully fell asleep in his hyung’s arms, a warm smile on his face. 

Yeonjun smiled silently, picking Beomgyu up bridal style and carefully him in his and Soobin’s shared king bed. 

🩵

When the hybrid awoke once more, Yeonjun was next to him, twirling the ends of his white hair with his fingers softly, the warmest expression on his face. Beomgyu’s cheeks reddened silently, how did he look so handsome just sitting there? 

“Hey sleepyhead. Are you ready to eat dinner?” Yeonjun questioned in the softest voice he could mutter, a warm smile on his face. Beomgyu nodded silently, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and sitting up in their bed. Yeonjun smiled widely, taking in the bits of Beomgyu’s hair floating in the air, leftover from his nap he easily concluded. 

“Aigoo…your hair looks like a bird’s nest. Here, let me fix it real quick.” Yeonjun patted down the sides of Beomgyu’s hair standing up, just like how Kai did when they first picked Beomgyu up. It did little to actually tame his hair, but Beomgyu still appreciated the gesture. 

“Huh…your hair’s a little unruly, huh? It’s fine, let’s just go downstairs.” Yeonjunrubbed Beomgyu’s soft hair, a fond smile on his face as he grabbed the hybrid’s hand. They both went downstairs hand-in-hand, the three boys at the table not noticing them until they came into sight. 

“Beomgyu-hyung! Your hair! See, I told you guys!! Isn’t it absolutely adorable?” Kai energetically spoke, wide eyed as he took in the hybrid’s bed-hair, just like the time he picked Beomgyu up. Beomgyu slightly laughed, ducking his head and letting his hand go from Yeonjun’s hold. 

“Yeah. I had a really good nap.” 

“Well, that’s good. Come on, I made your favorite, chicken with honey rice cakes!” Soobin smiled warmly, ushering the hybrid to sit down. 

Beomgyu cheered, ears flickering in surprise and as he smiled widely. 

🩵

A lot of time passed by after that. Now, four months have passed since Beomgyu came to live with them. Beomgyu was happy; as happy as he could be with all four boys by his side. That is, until, he wasn’t. Now, he felt a sort of shy nervousness around each boy. He didn’t understand it much himself, he thought he was regressing back into his former self, like when he first met the boys. Speaking of regressing, Beomgyu learned he was an age regressor about two weeks ago. When he woke up in his Soobin-hyung’s arms the morning after he regressed, he didn’t remember anything from his time regressing. 

“Good morning baby~ did you sleep well? Do you want your pacifier?” Soobin asked the hybrid with the same warm smile on his face, as he always showed Beomgyu. Beomgyu’s eyebrows furrowed together in confusion. Pacifier? 

“Hyung, what’s a pacifier?” 

“Oh, it’s you, Beomgyu. Um, do you want breakfast?” 

Beomgyu noticed a strange device on the bedside table next to him, picking up the pacifier and showing it to Soobin. 

“Is this a pacifier, hyung?” 

“Uh…yeah. You used it when you regressed last night. Do you remember?” 

Memories of last night flashed through Beomgyu’s mind, watching an episode of Pororo with Yeonjun, eating his dinner with Soobin, and him sucking on his pacifier. But wait. Regressed? 

“What’s…regressed, hyung?” 

Soobin slightly sighed, wondering how he should explain this. 

“Well…sometimes, when you’re really stressed out by something, you do this thing called ‘age regression.’ Um…when you regress, you display a younger age than your physical one. So sometimes you turn into a two year old or a three year old, but the first time it happened you turned into a ten month old.” 

Beomgyu’s eyes widened. He didn’t know how to feel about that. 

I guess it makes sense. I was deprived of a normal childhood. Maybe…this is my way of healing from it. 

“Does that…make you feel weird?” Soobin asked with a worried expression on his face. Beomgyu slightly smiled, shaking his head. 

“As long as you don’t feel weird about it. I think…I’m just healing myself however I can.” 

Soobin smiled silently, his eyes creasing up as his dimples popped out. 

“I think so too. Now, come on, let’s get breakfast.” 

Beomgyu was used to regularly regressing once every week. It wasn’t limited to one day of the week, but that’s how it seemed to form a pattern. 

Besides that, Beomgyu had started to work as well. When he came to the boy’s to tell them that he wanted to start earning his own money, they were a little hesitant at first. 

“Beomgyu, I’m not too sure about this. What were you even thinking of doing anyway?” Yeonjun crossed his arms as he leaned back on the couch, slightly worried expression on his face.

“Cleaning! You saw me clean the kitchen, I’m good at it! I’ve cleaned my dad’s house ever since I could walk. Look, there’s this app. I could sign up to clean rich people’s houses once a week and get paid a ton of money!” 

“I don’t know how I feel about you going to random people’s houses. What if something happens and none of us are available?” Soobin continued after Beomgyu, looking at his boyfriends on the couch. 

“No, see, that’s the thing! The app guarantees that the owner of the house leaves before the time they set with us so they don’t see us work. The owner gives us their passcode and a list of chores and how much they’re willing to pay, we come in and clean, and leave before they come back! It’s really safe, I promise guys! Please? Just once? If I don’t like it, I’ll quit immediately, I promise!” Beomgyu pleaded with all of them, pupils widening as he cupped his hands together. 

They all looked at each other with somewhat worried expressions on their faces before slightly smiling. How could they say no to him when he showed them that expression? 

“Okay, on two conditions. First, one of us has to take you and pick you up from each appointment. Second, you call any of us for any reason if you feel unsafe in any way or if the owner comes back home early. Sounds good?” Yeonjun stood up from his seat on the couch, a serious expression on his face. Beomgyu’s eyes sparkled as he smiled widely, nodding enthusiastically at Yeonjun’s conditions. 

The job proved useful keeping Beomgyu busy as the other boy’s went to work, and eventually they trusted him and the job enough to start walking or taking the bus to the client’s houses by himself. Beomgyu was so proud of himself, and so were the boys. 

Anyway, back to the present. The boy’s made a deal for the first year of Beomgyu coming home; they'd take him out somewhere to celebrate the one-month-anniversary, two-month-anniversary, and so on. Sometimes their schedules would align perfectly and they’d all get to go out with Beomgyu and do something small, whether it was eat at a restaurant, or just go for a walk in the park. They always tried to do things together after the court case against Beomgyu’s father. Unfortunately this was one of those times where none of their schedules aligned, so Kai was planning on driving Beomgyu to a cafe outside of Seoul that Beomgyu seemed interested in. 

And so, they made their hike up to the cafe in Kai’s car; which was technically both his and Taehyun’s car, but he didn’t need it as his friend picked him up for work today. They both laughed and talked to each other on the ride over, enjoying each other’s presence. When they arrived at the cafe, Beomgyu decided what he wanted to order and pulled his wallet out to pay. Kai immediately snatched it from the older boy’s grasp, causing Beomgyu to flinch back and look at Kai confusedly. 

“Eyyy…let me pay for it today. You always spend your money on snacks I like.” Kai showed his hyung a cool smirk, pulling out his wallet. 

“That’s just ‘cause our taste in snacks overlap. It’s fine, let me pay.” He went to grab his wallet from Kai’s grasp, but the taller boy held it up high so Beomgyu couldn’t reach it. After a while of back and forth between the two, Beomgyu pouted and caved while Kai smiled in victory. 

“Can I get two things then, since you’re paying?” Beomgyu smirked, a cheeky expression on his face. 

“Fine~ but only this once.” Kai patted the hybrid’s head, Beomgyu’s ears wiggling under his beanie. Beomgyu’s cheeks reddened as his dimples popped out, deciding what else he wanted. 

Once they both completed their order, they sat down at an open table and looked around at the scenery. Beomgyu always felt so comfortable around the younger boy. He wasn’t sure if it was just Kai’s naturally calming presence or because it was Kai he interacted further with when the boys first picked him up. Either way, Beomgyu enjoyed whatever time he could share with the younger. He found out about the five types of ‘love languages’ from the younger boy as well; quality time, words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service and receiving gifts. He thinks his love language with Kai falls somewhere in between quality time and physical touch. They were always so tactile with each other, even from the first day they met. It was so easy when the younger boy was so much taller than Beomgyu; he would always snake his long arms around Beomgyu’s waist whenever the hybrid came to him for cuddles.

🩵

After they finished spending quality time with each other at the cafe, they walked through the town and explored. This was the first time Beomgyu had ever been out of Seoul in his whole life, so Kai figured it would do the boy some good to see what other town’s cultures looked like without pressuring him too much. Beomgyu was also wearing his hybrid-specifically made pants. Yeonjun had surprised him with a wide variety of jeans and pants that would make his tail comfortable by letting it stick out through a small slit in the back of its pants almost one week after Beomgyu asked him too. 

They both stood in front of the large street market with multiple vendors yelling deals and sitting down at their stalls with smiles on their faces. Beomgyu felt his heartbeat in his ears. He stood hand-in-hand with Kai as his eyes widened, intrigued yet anxious at the same time. They both walk forward into the street market, Beomgyu looking at the stalls curiously without trying to focus too much on the other people walking around. Someone’s leg brushed against the tip of his tail, which immediately stiffened upon contact. He felt anxiety rise in his heart silently, beads of sweat forming on his face. He focused on his breathing, everything else falling away from him as his hearing became muffled. Kai immediately noticed the boy freeze with wide eyes, face immediately scrunching in worry. 

“Beomgyu-hyung? Are you okay?” 

Kai’s voice came out muffled. Beomgyu’s lips slightly trembled. 

“Can we go?” He whispered, afraid to speak any louder. 

“Yeah. Yeah, of course, Beomgyu-hyung. Come on, let’s go home.” Kai squeezed his hand in affirmation, smiling softly. 

And so, they both make their way back to the car, Beomgyu immediately relaxing upon entering the shotgun seat. He sighed, closing his eyes silently. He opened them, fiddling with his fingers in his lap as he hung his head. 

“Sorry. I just got…overwhelmed.” 

Kai looked at the older boy for a minute silently, before smiling as warmly as he could and patting Beomgyu on the head. 

“It’s okay, Beomgyu-hyung. We can come back when it’s less crowded. Now, come on, let’s go home.” 

Kai’s easy smile eased the hybrid, the older nodding silently as he smiled. He went to grab the seatbelt, pulling it somewhat harshly as it appeared to be jammed. His eyebrows furrowed silently, Kai slightly laughing from the driver’s seat. 

“Here, let me help you, Beomgyu-hyung.” Kai leaned over to Beomgyu’s side, gently grabbing the seatbelt and tugging it softly before the seatbelt unjammed and Kai clicked it into the other side of Beomgyu. Beomgyu cheeks reddened, close proximity with the younger boy making his heartbeat in his ears once more. He stared at the younger silently, breath catching in his throat as he gazed upon his beautiful visuals. Kai glanced at the hybrid as well, heart beating heavily in his chest as he silently stared at Beomgyu. He slightly flinched back, moving back to his seat. 

“S––Sorry. Um…let’s get going.” Kai smiled as his cheeks turned pink, a nervous expression on his face. 

“It’s…okay, don’t worry. Let’s go.” The hybrid smiled awkwardly as he fiddled with his fingers in his lap. 

The rest of the time spent in the car between the two was mostly filled with awkward silence, Kai focusing on driving as Beomgyu fiddled with his fingers with pink cheeks for the rest of the ride. 

When they got home, Beomgyu excused himself to his room as most of the others weren’t home from work yet. Soobin relayed that he would be staying at his bakery late to have interviews for new workers, so he wouldn’t be home to cook dinner like he normally did. Taehyun promised to pick up takeout for all of them after he got off work since Yeonjun’s hours were dependent on whether or not Yeonjun was inspired to create something. 

Beomgyu retreated to his room silently, before laying down on his bed and sighing audibly. He grabbed his pillow and wrapped it around his stomach with his arms over it. He thinks to himself for a little bit. He thinks with a worried expression on his face, mouth jutted out in a pout and eyebrows furrowed up as his eyes sparkled. 

Why does my heart keep beating so loudly in my chest? I can’t…I can’t get that moment out of my head. He was…so close. I thought my heart would jump out of my chest. I…I can’t get him out of my mind. Just like the others. And…and I get this uncomfortable feeling whenever I think of everyone. Like…like I want more with them but I’m worried what they’ll think of me. Why? They love me more than anything. I know this for a fact. So…why do I want more? Why do I ache to hold them in my arms and cradle their cheeks? Why do I want all of their worries to go away? Why do I want to kiss them until they feel better? I…I can only think of one answer. I love them. I love them all so much more than they could ever imagine. 

But…who could love four people all at once? Is that even right? Plus, I doubt they seriously love me like that either. How could they all be in love with me like I’m in love with all of them? No, that’s impossible. Besides, I’m sure they wouldn’t want anyone else to join their relationship. What they already have with each other is perfect, there’s no more room for one more. Four is the perfect even number. Meanwhile five is too much. What can people do with five? Nothing. So…I’ll keep this secret to myself. I hate keeping secrets, especially from them, but this time its necessary. I can’t ever let them know, no matter the circumstance. 

Beomgyu determined himself silently. He would do this, no matter how painful it was for him. Little did he know that the other boys were dying to ask him to join their relationship. But, that’s another story.

Kai worriedly looked at Beomgyu’s door, hand in a fist hesitating to knock on the door. He silently worried for the hybrid after their moment in the car, afraid Beomgyu was upset he couldn’t trust him because of their close proximity. He silently breathed in, trying to gather his courage and knock on Beomgyu’s door. He held his hand silently, before lowering it back to his side. He sighed, turning to walk to his room before the door to Beomgyu’s clicked open. 

Beomgyu’s eyes met Kai’s, the hybrid’s eyes sparkling in surprise before he controlled his expression. 

“Oh, hyung. Um…Taehyun asked what we wanted to order for dinner tonight.” Kai smiled gently, pulling his phone out so he could text Taehyun. 

“Oh…I was thinking maybe jjajangmyeon?” Beomgyu smiled hopefully, slightly fiddling with his fingers. 

Kai smiled easily, nodding in response before texting Taehyun. 

🩵

When Taehyun came home with their dinner in his hands, Beomgyu walked down from his room with a wide smile on his face. They mostly ate their dinner in silence, the only sound filling their downstairs being the slurping of the noodles. Yeonjun didn’t return home until they were almost done with their dinners. After dinner, they all decided to watch a movie on the couch, Kai staying at the far right side of the couch and Beomgyu sitting at the far left side of the couch with Taehyun in the middle while Yeonjun finished up his dinner. Taehyun sensed the awkward atmosphere between the two, wondering if something happened when they went out earlier. He chose to ask Kai about it later as they were preparing for bed. 

Once they finished the movie, Beomgyu excused himself back to his room for an early night in, leftover exhaustion from the day kicking in. Kai chose to spend it with his two older boyfriends, deciding to tell them what had been troubling his mind since the late afternoon. He confided how he was scared the older would start separating himself from the younger, how they would become awkward since he violated the older’s personal space. 

“I see. So that was the awkward tension I sensed earlier.” Taehyun nodded thoughtfully, hand on Kai’s right thigh. 

“Yeah. I feel like he’s been saying he’s tired all day just so he isn’t around me.” Kai looked tearfully at his boyfriends. Yeonjun intertwined his hand with Kai’s larger one in response. 

“Well…if it were me, I’d personally just talk to him, Kai. He tends to hide his feelings if we don’t directly ask about them. He’s straightforward; if you ask him he’ll answer. Simple as that.” Yeonjun showed him an understanding smile as he squeezed Kai’s hand in affirmation. 

Kai stayed silent for a moment as he looked at his Yeonjun-hyung. Then, their door opened and Soobin walked in with an exhausted expression on his face. He set his bag down, sighing heavily and beelining to the couch where all of his boyfriends were currently. He wrapped his long arms around Kai, taking in the tearful expression on his face. Kai’s eyes widened, before he went to hug the older back. Soobin settled on his lap, looking at Kai with a serious expression. Kai smiled silently, fixing the older’s bangs with his hand softly. 

“How was your day?” Soobin questioned quietly, voice tired from overuse. 

“Heh, get this. Kai thinks he might’ve upset Beomgyu because he went to help him buckle his seatbelt and invade his personal space.” Yeonjun smiled jokingly, amusement of the situation evident in his tone. They all knew Beomgyu wasn’t that type of person. Soobin smiled softly in response. 

“This might just be me…but I don’t think Beomgyu is the type to get upset over something like that. Usually he pushes himself away from us if he feels like he’s done something wrong. I don’t think he would get upset with you over a tiny reason like that.” Soobin curls his fingers through the ends of Kai’s bangs as he talks to him, still with a soft smile on his face. 

Kai smiles silently once more, nodding silently as his fingers fiddle with Soobin’s other hand. 

“I’m still gonna apologize. Just in case.” Kai looked confidently at his boyfriends, feeling better. 

“Okay. You do that, I’m gonna eat something before I fully sink into the couch.” Soobin kissed Kai’s cheek before standing up from his lap and walking to their kitchen. 

“There’s still a little bit of jjajangmyeon and tangsuyuk left from dinner if you want that, Soobin-hyung.” Taehyun smiled easily, pointing to the fridge from his position on the couch. 

“Naw, I’ll save it for Beomgyu. He’ll probably want leftovers of it tomorrow. I’ll just have cup ramen.” Soobin reached into their cabinet above the stove, grabbing a random flavor with a smile on his face. How he always thought of Beomgyu first never failed to amaze them, it was like he was the father (Yeonjun would argue more like a mother) Beomgyu always wanted but never got. Kai smiled as he walked up the stairs, conversation fading into the background as he came closer to Beomgyu’s door. 

He silently gathered his courage and knocked on the door to Beomgyu’s room, the hybrid immediately opening it with a curious expression on his face. He smiled as his eyes lit up, quickly realizing it was Kai.

“Hi Kai! What’s up?” He smiled easily, affection in his tone as he liked to openly dote on the younger boy. 

“Um, can I come in, hyung?” Kai nervously spoke, cheeks painted pink as he wore a somewhat serious expression on his face. 

“Sure,” Beomgyu spoke confusedly, moving out of the doorway at the younger’s unusual tone. 

They both sat on Beomgyu’s bed, Kai nervously looking down at his lap as Beomgyu looked at the boy confusedly. Beomgyu tilted his head, trying to catch Kai’s gaze as he hesitated to grab his hand. He ultimately did, nervously grasping the younger’s hand as he looked at Kai silently. 

“What’s wrong?” 

“Are––are you mad at me? Because––” 

“Why would I be mad at you, Kai?” 

“The––the moment we had in the car. I––I invaded your personal space, you must’ve felt violated. And… you’ve been quiet ever since then. So…I’m sorry. I promise it won’t happen again.” 

Beomgyu’s eyes widened silently. Was he talking about the moment with the seatbelt? Kai thought Beomgyu was upset over something like that? Wow, now Beomgyu’s worries for the boy seemed kind of silly. Beomgyu held his head, a smile widening on his face as dopamine rushed through his body. Kai looked at the boy nervously, face slightly twisting as the hybrid held his head. 

“I’m really sorry, hyu––” 

Kai was interrupted by a loud fit of laughter, the sound immediately filling Kai’s ears. He flinched back, looking at the hybrid with a surprised expression on his face. Beomgyu was laughing so loud, so full of life, Kai had never heard this type of laugh come from Beomgyu before. Whenever the hybrid did laugh, it was usually a sort of quiet giggle, so unobtrusive to Kai’s ears. Yet now, the boy was laughing so loud, so intensely Kai thought he was dreaming this moment. Beomgyu can feel the weight of tears decorating his eyelashes from pure merriment, can feel his bangs brush against his forehead with every shake of his head. His hand falls on Kai’s arm as he continues to laugh, wiping the tear from the tip of his eye. He quickly composed himself.

“Kai, I could never be mad at you for something like that. You were just helping me with the seatbelt. And…the reason I’ve been quiet today was really because I was tired. Of course, I had a lot of fun with you, but after the market…I was just mentally exhausted. I needed some time to recharge, that was all. I took a nap, so I was quiet when I woke up for dinner. That’s all. I could never be mad at you for something like that, Kai.” 

Beomgyu eased the boy’s worries on command, an understanding smile on his face as he gently squeezed his hand on Kai’s knee. Kai instantly smiled, looking down at Beomgyu’s hand on his knee before relaxing. He silently hugged the hybrid, wide smile on his face as he closed his eyes. Beomgyu silently hugged him back, wrapping his arms tightly around Kai’s tall frame. 

Fin