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4. Yeonjun
Yeonjun was tired. He was frankly so exhausted between his neverending schedules and his MC schedule that he wanted to collapse in his bed and never wake up again.
As he was so exhausted, it was to be expected that his immune system was weakened. Finally, it all came to a head when Yeonjun woke up with his body feeling heavy and his breath shortened. He rose out of bed as he groaned loudly, body feeling like it was made out of lead. He laid his feet on the floor, standing up only for his legs to give out immediately. His eyes widened as he fell to the floor, before he heard a knock on his door.
“Come in,” the condition of his voice came out somewhat garbled, causing him to grab at his throat in a surprised state.
“Hyung, are you okay? I heard a thud––oh.” Soobin immediately entered the room, worried expression on his face before he gazed at the older boy on the ground.
“S––sorry, I think I––” Yeonjun’s hoarse statement was interrupted by a fit of coughs.
“You’re sick. And because you’re sick, you’re going to lay down in your bed for the rest of the day and I’m going to take care of you.” Soobin helped his hyung up from the floor and laid him back down in bed, the older one wearing a bitter expression on his face.
“But––”
“No buts. I’m going to call manager-hyung and tell him of the situation. You’ve been overworked lately, its really time for a break.” Soobin immediately squashed Yeonjun’s grumbles of protest, pulling the blanket up to his shoulders. Yeonjun didn’t protest much, instead closing his eyes.
Once Soobin came back with medicine and water for Yeonjun, the older silently rejoiced. He took the medicine silently and laid back down in his bed. He looked at Soobin, who was wringing out a washcloth before setting it on his forehead. Yeonjun instantly relieved, eyes closing as he felt exhaustion consume him.
He smiled. Soobin really loved him so much. Yeonjun felt it so easily. He was truly cared for.
3. Beomgyu
Beomgyu didn’t feel very good in this current moment in time. Why, you might ask? Well, him, Soobin, and Kai were currently at an interview with a conspicuously suspicious and hard-hitting interviewer. And it seemed that he directed all of his verbal attacks at Beomgyu for this interview.
Beomgyu thought he was doing well as an idol. He was having fun and had fans who enjoyed him. But this man made him start to doubt himself. Did his fans truly love him unconditionally?
He tried to answer the questions the man posed vaguely, but the interviewer quickly caught on to what he was doing and drilled in harder questions. Soobin and Kai noticed this as well, their questions felt harsh as well, but it seemed like the interviewer had a personal vendetta set out for Beomgyu. Soobin was starting to get pretty fed up with this interviewer.
“Do you have any faults or insecurities that you’ve never told your fans?”
Beomgyu looked at the interviewer with a serious expression. Then, he fiddled with his fingers in his lap nervously.
“Um…well. Uh…umm…hm.”
He curled into himself as he fiddled with his fingers, he was clearly uncomfortable with that question. Soobin grabbed his hand, a bitter expression on his face.
“With all due respect, I don’t think you have any business asking that question. Now, if you’ll excuse us, we’ll be taking our leave now.” Soobin stood up from his seat as he spoke with a harsh tone in his voice. Kai immediately followed suit, standing up from his seat and walking towards the exit.
“Wha––Where are you going?! The interview isn’t over yet!” The interviewer yelled as he stood from his seat.
“This is over.” Soobin turned back around to the man with a serious expression before huffing out of the door with Beomgyu’s hand still in his.
They all arrived at their dressing room and sighed heavily. Beomgyu looked at Soobin’s hand still holding him, causing him to relax as he smiled warmly.
“Are you okay, Beomgyu-ah?” Soobin turned around to Beomgyu, worried expression on his face as he laid both of his hands on Beomgyu’s cheeks.
“Yeah. Thanks.” Beomgyu smiled as he spoke, hand gripping tighter in his Soobin-hyung’s hold.
Soobin smiled relievedly, patting Beomgyu’s hair in response.
2. Taehyun
Taehyun was in some real deep shit. He doesn’t remember the last time he felt like this, but he frankly was too busy focusing on calming his breathing to focus on anything else.
Now, Taehyun wasn’t usually a very anxious person at all. Sure, maybe he had some moments, but they lasted maybe a couple of seconds at most.
For context, the group was returning from a short trip from Japan after promoting their new Japanese EP. It was early in the morning in Seoul, yet there was a loud and ravaging mob right outside their gate. Taehyun didn’t get scared very much in his life at all, but even this was a lot for him to process.
He walked hand in hand with his Soobin-hyung as they walked past the gate. His hands became more clammy as he gazed at the endless hordes of people trying to push past the metal gates holding them back. He feels his breathing start to pick up as he nervously looks around to both sides.
Then, he trips over some object on the ground, falling flat on his face. He immediately lifts his face with wide eyes, wiping the dust off of his face mask with his hand. He looks up to see his Soobin-hyung looking at him with concerned eyes. He faintly felt his Soobin-hyung’s hand touch his cheeks over his mask as his ears started ringing.
“Are you okay?”
His muffled voice came out as Taehyun started breathing harder.
Before he knows it, he’s standing and walking on his feet again towards the door. They finally make it back to their van, Taehyun sitting in the very back next to the left window. The ringing of his ears subside just a little as his heart starts beating in his ears. He still breathes heavily.
“Taehyun. Taehyun-ah, can you hear me?” Soobin locks eyes with the boy as he rubs his hand with his thumb, the boy's distress obvious to him.
Taehyun feels like everything is spinning. He hasn’t felt like this in a very long time. Soobin’s voice is muffled just like everything else around him.
His eyes tear up as he continues to breathe heavily, tears glistening in them silently. His hand started to shake in Soobin’s hold, the older immediately noticed. He turned to his Soobin-hyung.
“––hyun-ah, Taehyunie…can you hear me––”
His tears fell on his cheeks as he breathed more heavily, body shaking in fear. He shook his head silently before covering his face with his free hand.
“Hey. Hey. Hey. Taehyun-ah, look at me. Taehyun-ah, breathe with me.” Soobin cupped his hands on Taehyun’s cheeks as he made the younger boy face him. Soobin brought Taehyun’s shaking hand to his chest.
“Copy me.” Soobin breathed out exaggeratedly, slowly going in and out. Taehyun copied the older boy, taking a large breath in and a large one out.
“Good job, Taehyun-ah. Now, come on, give me a few more.” He encouraged the boy, pushing him further as he continued to imitate the older boy. Taehyun copied once more, tears starting to diminish in his eyes as the tear streaks on his cheeks dried. The rest of the members looked at them worriedly, Taehyun hadn’t had a panic attack in almost five years. They knew this was serious. They uttered small phrases of encouragement, but he barely heard them. He was too focused on calming his breathing.
After a couple more minutes of breathing exercises with Soobin, his panic attack fully diminished and his nerves died down. Taehyun breathed out once more, smiling shyly at his Soobin-hyung.
“Thanks…Soobin-hyung.”
Soobin smiled widely.
“Anything for you, Taehyunie.”
1. Hueningkai
Kai was having a lot more trouble picking up the choreography sets for their comeback this time. Now, don’t get him wrong, he wasn’t particularly fast at picking choreography sets up in general, but this time it seemed like a particularly longer time than the rest of the members. Apart from that, everyone was stressed out. Irritable. Maybe a little annoyed at their maknae. Soobin didn’t fail to notice their maknae’s difficulty. He knew the others were starting to get tired too, he could hear their annoyed remarks under their breath.
It all came to a head when their teacher called for a break. Their teacher went to talk with one of their producers as the others went to their bags to drink water. Soobin went to drink the water he packed in his bag, silently deciding to encourage the younger boy and reassure him he was doing as best as he could. Then, he heard the others talking amongst themselves.
“I can’t believe he hasn’t picked this up yet. It’s so simple.” Yeonjun softly spoke, obviously pointing at their maknae.
Soobin looked over to Kai. His smile was permanently tugged down into a frown, eyes curled down in disappointment. Then, something in Soobin snapped.
“How could you say that, Yeonjun-hyung? After everything Kai has done for you?” Soobin stood in front of Yeonjun with a serious expression on his face, crossing his arms over his chest.
Yeonjun flinched, and Soobin took that as his cue to continue.
“Kai is clearly trying his best. Besides, what about that time he told manager-hyung not to scold you when we were trainees for eating so much and took all the blame? Or––or when he helped you with vocal practice because he had practiced more than anyone else? Why are you picking on him now? When he’s having a little trouble with the choreography? If anything, you should be the first to help him Yeonjun-hyung. Don’t think you two are exempt from this either! He’s our teammate; when he needs help we shouldn’t even hesitate to help!”
Soobin glared daggers at all of them as they all fiddled with their fingers and pouted. He was right; they should be there to support him if he was struggling. Instead of letting their annoyance cloud their judgment and making them lash out on Kai. He didn’t do anything wrong after all.
Kai’s eyes flooded with tears after Soobin finished his speech. He clenched his fist silently as he held his head. His lips trembled silently. Then, he felt a hand on his shoulder. His head flinched, soon looking to his side to lock eyes with his Beomgyu-hyung. The older boy smiled, Kai relaxing greatly.
“Soobin-hyung’s right. Here, Kai, let me show you slowly first.”
Beomgyu stood in front of the maknae, Kai looking at his hyung seriously.
Soobin smiled silently, nodding to himself.
+1 Soobin
Soobin woke up in a weird haze. His body felt heavy and a wave of exhaustion and fatigue immediately hit him when he tried rising out of bed. His head pounded with the force of a thousand hammers hitting the nail in the middle of his head. But, he didn’t pay attention to that; no, more like couldn’t pay attention to it. They were in the peak of their comeback preparations and his responsibilities as a leader couldn’t be put on hold just because he was ‘a little sick’.
Being a leader was exhausting for Soobin. Luckily he had one of the best groups in the world [at least in his opinion]. Luckily for Soobin, said group was sometimes incredibly dense. Meaning he wouldn’t have to worry about them worrying about him being sick. So, he got out of bed silently and went to their shared bathroom; knocking on the door before opening it and taking the painkillers from their medicine cabinet. He immediately swallowed two pills down his throat, before coughing harshly. Once ensured that he wouldn’t die from choking, he put the bottle in his sweatshirt pocket.
Hopefully no one else will need this today.
Then, he snuck back to his room and began to pack for the day. They were undergoing the first day of a jacket shooting for their new EP and Soobin didn’t know if he was ready to bring his best model face to their photoshoot. After they had their jacket shooting they were going to finalize the choreography with the choreographer and practice that for a couple of hours. And then, before they knew it the day would be over. Soobin could survive this. Right?
Soobin was wrong. Soobin was terribly wrong. Why did he ever think he could do this? I’ll spare you the juicy details, but it all started when a makeup artist commented on Soobin’s pale composure. That’s when he felt sick. At first, it was an anxiety sort of sick; but then it turned into a sick kind of sick. Which was now why he was sitting on the ground in their bathroom hunched over the toilet. He breathed heavily as he curled into himself, swallowing back the bile rising in his throat. His arms shook as he tried standing up from the toilet seat, legs shaking as though he was a newborn giraffe first learning to stand. He walked back to their panic room in a haze, breathing heavily as his body slumped.
He opened the door to their practice room silently, internally groaning as he locked eyes on his team members. Beomgyu and Yeonjun were arguing. Again. Sometimes they really could be so infuriating. He walked his slumped body further into the practice room, vision blurring and head fuzzy. He reached his hand out to them silently, yearning to catch their attention.
“Guys…I don’t––mm…feel so…” He whispered as he spoke, black dots swarming his vision.
Then, a loud thud hits the floor.
Each boy immediately stops bickering with each other and looks over to where the thud is heard. They each gaze at their leader on the floor, a painful expression on his face.
Beomgyu is immediately at his side, grabbing his hyung’s face with both of his hands and bending down on the floor.
“Hey…Soobinie. What’s wrong? Do you feel sick? Or––” Beomgyu chokes on a small sob, lips shaking as he holds onto Soobin’s overheating arm.
“Hyung…please, wake up I––I promise, I won’t fight with Yeonjun-hyung anymore. Just please, get up.” He continues, choking on his sobs as he speaks.
The group doesn’t remember how long it takes for paramedics to arrive on the scene. Or that their manager drove them to the hospital right behind the ambulance.
“What’s his condition?” The doctor spoke as the ER nurses rushed to Soobin’s side, quickly pushing him out of the ambulance and into the ER.
“Unconscious sir. He’s not responding to any stimuli. We tracked a 40ºC [105ºF] fever on him and he’s showing signs of dehydration and beginning hypothermia.”
The doctor opened Soobin’s left eye, then right, shining a light in both of them, both of which were turned upward like an unconscious person in some action movie getting treated at the hospital. Yeonjun wanted to scream from the depths of his throat as loud as he could when he saw the doctor do that. Because this wasn’t just some unconscious character in an action movie who was getting treated at the hospital. It was Soobin. Their Soobin. Their leader that they took for granted, and now look where that got them. Yeonjun wanted to collapse. But he had to put on a brave face for his younger brothers and reassure them everything would be okay and pat their heads and say Soobin would be fine, because he’s Soobin and everything always works out for him. Yeonjun in truth was scared of saying anything else in this situation.
“Okay, get some fever reducer, an electric blanket, and connect him to an IV for fluids. Update me if his condition changes at all.” The doctor commanded the nurses, most of them nodding silently before getting to work as he signed some paperwork and took his leave. Yeonjun silently turned around to watch him leave, the other man walking somewhere urgently. Except what could be more urgent than taking care of Soobin? Nothing Yeonjun could conjure in his mind.
Yeonjun silently locked his eyes on their manager at the receptionist’s desk, a serious expression on his face as he quietly requested a private room for the time Soobin would be staying here. Oh. That’s right. They were idols. They were people in the public eye. He turned to look at the people in the waiting room, most of them staring at the group with wide eyes and curious faces. He looked at the other patients in the ER, most of them trying to mind their own business. Yeonjun saw past their indifferent gazes though and noticed their utter curiosity of the situation. Something in him snapped in two. He grabbed the curtain and wrapped it around the general area of Soobin’s bed, away from the public eye.
“Okay, we’ve administered an IV and gave him medicine for his fever, but that’s the best we can do. We’ll wait to see if the fever reducer works before settling him in his private room. You’re welcome to stay here and wait until he wakes up.” A nurse came to them with a clipboard in her hands, a tired smile on her face as she talked to the four tall boys.
“Thank you. We’ll do that, then.” Yeonjun immediately speaks for the four of them, knowing none of them had the courage or energy to.
Sooner or later they get transferred to a private room, and they can all relax as no one else is staring at them anymore. Yeonjun sits on a plastic chair next to Soobin’s bedside, head hung as he folds his hands together. Beomgyu sits in the large chair in the farthest corner of the room, legs crossed as he bites on his nails silently. An old habit of his. Taehyun sits in the windowpane on the right side of the room, one leg bent in a triangle shape and the other hanging from the ledge. He leans his arm on the bent leg, covering his mouth with his hand. Kai silently stands on the other side of Soobin’s bedside, rubbing his arm as he looks at the floor, downtrodden.
No one dares to speak. To utter one word. What could be said? They failed their leader.
Amongst the silence, one feels the need to speak. So, he gathers his courage and does.
“This is all my fault.”
Yeonjun emotionally speaks, tears welling up in his eyes as he covers them with his hand. His mouth trembles before he bites it back, pain spreading through his chest.
“Yeonjun-hyung…we all have a responsibility in this. He didn’t hide it just from you.” Taehyun speaks from the windowsill, looking out thoughtfully as he clenches his fist.
“But if I looked out for the signs then maybe!” Yeonjun stands up from his chair as he shouts, tears falling on his cheek. He’s too emotional–– he thinks–– but he can’t stop the words from spilling out once the floodgates are open.
“It’s because I’m a failure! Okay, I admit it! I’m a failure as a hyung, a member, a dancer. I suck at everything. Including relationships.” He looks as a peacefully sleeping Soobin as more tears fall on his cheeks. He clenches his fists silently.
“Hyung. You’ve been having these thoughts about yourself?” Beomgyu stands up from his chair in the farthest corner of the room. Yeonjun feels his heart twinge when Beomgyu looks up with a tender expression on his face. He clenches his fist tighter, proceeding to nod silently.
Beomgyu beelines straight for Yeonjun with his head hung low, fists clenching tighter within themselves. Yeonjun looks at Beomgyu with a confused expression before Beomgyu uppercuts him straight in the jaw, knocking Yeonjun down to the floor and grabbing him by his collar.
“Beomgyu––”
“You’ve been having these thoughts and you didn’t think of telling any of us?! None of us at all?!” Beomgyu shouts seriously for the first time in a while, the tears in his eyes only visible to Yeonjun. Yeonjun looks at the younger boy incredulously, mouth ajar in confusion.
“Hyung, do you know how many younger idols look up to you?! How much I look up to you, hyung?! You’re so perfect already, why can’t you grasp that?” Beomgyu’s tears fell from his eyes as his grip on Yeonjun’s collar lessened.
“Sure, we messed up this time. We’re human. We make mistakes, it happens. But that doesn’t make you a failure, hyung. These things happen! We all know Soobin; know he feels much more at ease keeping something like this away from us so we don’t have to worry about anything else! That’s just the type of person he is, Yeonjun-hyung. We can’t change that. Just because things don’t go the way you want all the time means you’re a failure, hyung.”
Beomgyu lets go of Yeonjun’s collar, tears still brimming in the bottom of his eyes. His lips tremble as he looks at his Yeonjun-hyung, before ultimately pulling him into a tight hug, much to the older’s surprise.
“Don’t burden yourself anymore, hyung.” Beomgyu slightly whispers, just loud enough so the others in the room could still hear.
When they both leave the hug, Beomgyu’s eyes are all red and puffy. Yeonjun smiles, pressing under his eyes to reduce the puffiness as much as he could.
“Aigoo…”
“Hyung, let’s make a pact. Right here, right now. If we’re upset by something, we talk it out instead of bickering. Okay?” Beomgyu held his pinky out in the form of a child-like contract, Yeonjun smiling warmly.
“Okay.” Yeonjun whispers, locking his pinky with Beomgyu’s.
Then, they proceed to go back to their former positions in the room, animosity completely dissipated from the air. And so, they stay in silence like that until Soobin wakes back up.
The leader groans as he returns to consciousness, eyes scrunching together as both of his hands twitch over the bedsheets. The boys immediately surround the bed, hopeful expressions on their faces.
Soobin’s vision is immediately swarmed with his members, causing him to smile somewhere between the dream state and the awake state.
“Hey…hey, you back with us, Soobinie?” Yeonjun spoke in the gentlest voice he could, a warm expression on his face, making Soobin think maybe he was still dreaming. He made a deep groan from the back of his throat as he looked at the other members, a smile still on his face.
“How are you feeling?” Beomgyu asked next, a tiny smile on his face as well.
“Mm…tired.” Soobin’s voice comes out more garbled than he was expecting, but maybe it was okay. It was just his members after all.
“Mm…you should go back to sleep, Soobin-hyung. We’ll still be here when you wake up, we promise.” Taehyun smiled, patting the blanket over the boy’s leg comfortingly.
“Mm…promise?” Soobin held out his right pinky finger with a silly smile on his face, just like a child. They all silently laughed at their leader's cuteness before nodding to each other. Taehyun connected his pinky to Soobin’s.
“We promise.”
Well, whether or not this was a dream, Soobin was fully content and happy.
Fin