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Jimin silently awoke in his bed with a nonchalant and somewhat tired expression on his face. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes as he pulled the covers off of his legs, setting them down on the floor and sighing. He stretched his body carefully, joints cracking in response.
I’m really becoming an old man. Jeez, I should at least try and dance now that I have the time.
Today was one of the rare days Jimin actually woke up in his own house. He liked either staying in Namjoon’s house or Jin’s house the most, those two definitely had the eye for interior decorating at the end of the day. Namjoon was working with one of his artist friend’s to help open an exhibition in Jeju Island, so he hadn’t been home in the last week or so. His trip would last probably three weeks in general, meaning Jimin had to wait two whole weeks for Namjoon to come back. The older man offered that Jimin could stay in his apartment while he was away, but Jimin declined. It would be meaningless without Namjoon, he felt like that’d be a step too far, even if they were practically family at this rate in their careers. And by now, Jin was too far into his ‘enlistment era’ (as ARMY’s donned it) for Jimin to go to his house. He missed his Jin-hyung.
He sighed heavily.
I guess I should get myself breakfast.
He could hang out with Taehyung and Jungkook, but he knew they were hanging out with their other friends. He didn’t want to make it unnecessarily awkward or bring down the mood.
Jimin silently entered his kitchen, grabbing his usual coffee mug and setting it below his coffee maker, routine ingrained into his brain by now. Once it finished, he grabbed his mug and went to his couch, turning his TV on as he sipped his coffee intermittently.
Jimin could feel himself sinking again. He used to be so busy as ‘BTS’s Jimin’ he didn’t have to pay attention to the moments where he felt like less than a person. Now that BTS was on hiatus though, he had more time to just sit around and think to himself. Jimin tended to be in his head a lot when he was alone. Jimin didn’t like the Jimin he was when he was alone. The Jimin he was when he was alone wasn’t like any other Jimin; not the Jimin he was with BTS; not the Jimin he was when he was with his fans; he didn’t even really feel like Jimin at all. Maybe he should go to therapy again. But then again, he thought he was doing better than the last time he went to therapy, a whole seven years ago now.
Jimin knew depression wasn’t something you could just ‘heal from.’ You don’t just magically get put on antidepressants like Prozac or Lexapro and suddenly all of your numbness and suicidal thoughts disappear. No, depression needed much more than just that. Therapy to improve your general self-esteem was needed; and on top of that you needed to be in tune with yourself every single day to recognize how you feel. The treatment of depression wasn’t to make it go away, but to minimize the bad days and maximize the good days.
After he finished his coffee, he set the mug on his coffee table and proceeded to fully lay down on his couch, eyes starting to close as soon as his head hit the soft cushion. He hoped to dream of his members and the joy they brought him for simply existing in his life.
💙
When Jimin awoke once more, he immediately groaned loudly, his head searing with pain. He clutched it with his eyes scrunched together, getting up from the couch and walking to his bathroom quickly.
Ugh, this headache feels worse than a hangover. I need some serious painkillers for this.
He soon arrived in the bathroom next to his bedroom, opening his medicine cabinet to grab his painkillers. When he couldn’t find them, he grimaced even more.
That’s right. I ran out and made a reminder to get myself more a couple of weeks ago.
He sighed heavily, only serving to upset his headache more.
Maybe I can get Jungkook or Taehyung to get some for me. Let me check first.
He grabbed his phone from his bedroom, calling Taehyung first since he had him on speed dial.
The phone rings for a couple of minutes. Jimin sniffles a little as he waits.
The number you have dialed is either not available or is out of range. Please dial again soon.
Jimin sighed and hung up the phone; if Taehyung didn’t pick up the first time Jimin called, he probably wouldn’t pick up a second or a third time. He then called Jungkook, praying their maknae would pick up the phone.
The phone rings a couple of times, before Jungkook chimes in on the other side.
“Jungkook-ah––”
“Hyung, sorry, I’m at a party right now! I’ll call you later, okay! Bye, hyung!”
The younger hangs up the phone as quickly as he picked it up. Jimin sighs, closing his eyes as he slightly sways from side to side.
Ugh, well, that’s that. Time to get ready.
He looked at the weather app on his phone, grimacing as he read the temperature.
15ºC [59ºF]. I thought it was Fall, what happened to the warm weather all of a sudden?
He went to his walk-in closet, grabbing one of his beanies, and a scarf before wrapping it around his neck. He grabbed a disposable mask along with his wallet and keys before leaving his house.
The weather was exactly like he expected. He sighed, pulling his scarf up higher on his neck and setting out to go to the local pharmacy. He breathed heavily behind his mask, unusual body temperature causing him to slightly sweat. He wiped his sweat with his arm silently as he trudged on, eyes slightly blurring as he continued to walk. He felt a wave of exhaustion rush through his body, almost causing him to fall forward before he stopped himself.
He stopped his feet at the crosswalk intersection right across from the pharmacy. At last, he would get the sweet relief he requires. In his delirious state, he doesn’t notice the crosswalk light turn red. All he could think about was how he wanted the tender relief a medium-sized pill would soon provide him. He walked out to the street silently, pounding of his head growing more intense every second he continued to walk.
Then, tires screeching. Jimin looks to the side silently, seeing an oncoming car driving towards him. His eyes widen silently as he starts to move back, fear immediately coursing through his veins.
Then, a loud crash is heard.
💙
When Jungkook got a call from an unknown number on his phone, he didn’t pick it up at all. Blame his ten-year-long career, but even he knew not to be that gullible. But then, the unknown number left a voicemail, unlike most unknown numbers who would call back immediately. He clicked on the voicemail, eyebrows furrowing as he walked back to his house from the party.
Hello, I am contacting you as a representative of Seoul General Hospital. You are listed as the emergency contact on Park Jimin’s medical record, so we took the liberty of calling you to let you know that Park Jimin-ssi has been admitted to our hospital because of his involvement in a car accident. Please call us back when you have the time or please visit us soon to sign his admittance form. Thank you very much, have a nice day.
Jungkook silently stopped in his tracks. His eyes silently widened as his face fell. What? This was a joke…right? Jimin was in the hospital? His Jimin-hyung? No way. Right?
He pressed on his Jimin-hyung’s contact on his phone. The line rings for a couple of minutes. No answer. Panic starts to course through Jungkook’s veins.
Before he knew it, his legs were running toward the direction of the hospital as he begged them to pump faster. He doesn’t know how long it takes him to get to the hospital, but by the time he did he had tears in his eyes and was panting heavily.
“Hello, I’m here to see Park Jimin?” He panted loudly, distressed expression on his face.
“Yes, right this way.” The nurse at the front desk grabbed her clipboard and led Jungkook to the private wing of the hospital, specialized in protecting the privacy of idols.
When they reached his room, Jungkook immediately walked to Jimin’s bedside, tears welling up in his eyes. He turned back to the nurse behind him, a bitter expression on his face.
“What happened?”
“He was involved in a car accident. He suffered a couple of contusions to his head that we managed to disinfect and wrap; he also suffered a linear skull fracture and his right ankle was sprained. And, apart from that he was running a 38ºC fever [101ºF], so we gave him some painkillers and fluids to replenish his vitamins. He’s been asleep ever since he arrived here.”
A single tear from Jungkook’s eye fell, expression slightly somber. He wiped it with his hand before nodding to himself.
“Um, now if you could sign here and here, we’d appreciate it.”
She pointed to two distinct spots on the paper attached to the clipboard with her pen, Jungkook complying silently.
“Thank you. I’ll leave you two alone.”
The nurse bowed and took her leave. Jungkook immediately turned back to Jimin, grabbing a chair from the corner of the room and sitting beside him. He felt more tears well up in his eyes silently. Then, a familiar ringtone filled his ears. He looked at Jimin’s phone on the table next to his bed, picking it up and answering it upon seeing it was Taehyung who was calling.
“Jiminie, hey, sorry I didn’t hear your call earlier, did you––”
“Taehyung-hyung. It’s Jungkook.”
“Oh, Jungkookie. Is everything okay?”
Jungkook sighed heavily.
“No. Not really. We’re at the hospital right now.”
“What?! Why? What happened?”
“Jimin-hyung was in a car accident.”
“Oh my god. Okay, just hang tight, I'm heading over there right now.”
And with that, the phone was hung up.
🩵
Jungkook didn’t know how long it took for Taehyung to arrive, but it seemed like record time for him to get to the hospital. He came in with a distressed expression on his face, tears in his eyes. He immediately walked to the opposite side of Jimin’s bedside, grabbing his hand silently with tears falling from his eyes.
“Hey, Jiminie. It’s me, Taehyungie. How…did this happen?”
“He’s running…a really high fever. That’s…that’s probably why he called me earlier. To ask me for medicine. But I was at a party like an idiot.” Jungkook spoke to himself, dried tear streaks on his cheeks.
Taehyung looked at him silently, a thoughtful expression on his face.
“It wasn’t your fault. He called me too, but I didn’t pick up since I was with my friend.”
They both stood silently in their positions for a moment.
Then, Jimin’s bed sheets ruffle. The both immediately turn their attention toward the older boy in the bed. His hand twitches on the bed sheets once more, eyes still closed. Then his eyes scrunch together tightly as he groans. He turns his head to the side, eyes still scrunched together in pain.
“Jimin-hyung? Hyung, can you hear me?” Jungkook shook Jimin’s shoulder with an emotional expression on his face.
The older man slightly groaned before peeling his eyes open, the bright fluorescent lights in the room making him squint back in pain. He turned his head to the side, immediately meeting Jungkook’s boba eyes. He immediately softened, smiling as he gazed at the tears welling up in his eyes.
“What’s wrong, Jungkookie?” He brought his hand up to Jungkook’s cheek, the younger one grabbing his hand silently. Jungkook instantly smiled, shaking his head as he dried his tears.
“Nothing, hyung. How do you feel?” He spoke somewhat emotionally, soft tone in his voice.
Jimin groaned once more, turning his face to the other side and locking eyes with Taehyung.
“Tired. And…kinda dizzy. Where am I?”
“The hospital. Do you remember what happened?”
“Mm. I…went to get medicine from the pharmacy, and then…oh. Mm. I see.”
Jimin looked down at his lap thoughtfully, lips jutting out in a pout.
“Well, the most important thing is you’re okay now.”
Taehyung smiled gently as he spoke, rubbing Jimin’s hand. They all stood in silence. Then, the door opens and they all look at the door silently.
“Hello, my name is Kim Jinyoung. I’m the hospital’s therapist. I’m here to talk with…Park Jimin-ssi?” A male wearing nurse’s scrubs came in with a bright expression, looking at his clipboard before looking at the three men.
“Ah…yes. Um, it’ll be quick, I’m sure. Just wait outside for a while, okay?” Jimin looked at both males with a soft smile on his face, nodding as he spoke. They both hesitantly nodded before leaving the room, leaving the therapist and patient by themself. Jinyoung walked over to Jimin’s bedside, sitting in the chair Jungkook was previously occupying.
“I’ve been asked to give you a suicide risk assessment in representation of the hospital. Your answers will not be shared with anyone, it’s just for my reference to decide if we should recommend you to a therapy program.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Have you wished you were dead or wish you could go to sleep and never wake up?”
“Yes.”
“Have you had any thoughts of killing yourself within the past month?”
“Occasionally.”
Jimin wanted to lie so bad. He wanted to lie straight through his teeth and tell this man he hadn’t had any suicidal thoughts since seven years ago. But he knew that would only land him in muddier water. Jimin didn’t think he needed therapy again, but his heart always knew him better than his head. He didn’t want to sink into the deep end anymore.
“Have you been thinking about how you might do this?”
Jimin closed his eyes as a tear slipped out of them.
“Yes.”
“How?”
“Overdose.”
“Have you acquired any materials to carry out this plan within the last three months?”
“No.”
“I understand. Thank you for telling me, Jimin-ssi.”
Jinyoung laid his hand on Jimin’s leg with a warm smile on his face. Jimin blinked as he smiled back, another tear falling from his eye.
“So, I take it I’ll be seeing a new therapist?”
Jimin joked, trying to lighten the mood. Jinyoung smiles back, slightly laughing.
“Well, I’ll have to check with my supervisor first.”
He teases back as he stands up from his seat, a smile still on his face. He goes to open the door, only for Jungkook and Taehyung to fall into the doorway before stumbling in front of Jimin’s bed. They look at him with wide eyes, Jimin quickly connecting the dots.
“I should’ve expected you two to eavesdrop. My god, what a lack of privacy, right Jinyoung-ssi?”
He teased the two younger boys with a sarcastic tone, Jinyoung playing along as well.
“How rude! What troublemakers we have here, really!”
Jinyoung smiled as he left the room, waving to Jimin before fully closing the door. The younger two have straightened up by now, hands folded together as they looked at the floor awkwardly. Jimin smiled widely, god, how could these two just brighten up his day just by standing there? It was strange really.
“Come here.”
He held out both of his arms, each boy immediately walking into them and hugging him on the hospital bed. Jimin closed his eyes as he smiled, patting their heads softly.
“We’ll be okay. I promise.”
Fin