Chapter Text
Day 1
"But now this room is spinning while im just trying to fill in all the gaps"
Sharp, cold metal. An axe to the head. A sword through his gut.
Honestly he can't tell the difference anymore, everything is just pain.
Respawn after respawn, his head is spinning and it wont stop. He didn't even bother counting how many times he died, how many hearts he's lost.
He still can't be bothered to even check his heart count, it would be easy most would say, but his entire body hurts and the last thing he wants to do is move. The last thing he wants to do is open his eyes and watch the world spinning around him.
It doesn't matter how few times he's spawn killed, it's just as bad anyways. Respawning only to immediately have a sword shoved through your neck.
Zam never fights though, never even tries to get out of the bed he respawned in. Now it's covered in blood, his blood.
Blood from each and every creative new mapicc came up with to kill him just because he was bored.
He doesn't see the blood, he feels it, he still hasn't been brave enough to open his eyes.
Just respawning once makes his head hurt like hell. And Mapicc killed him like, at least twice. Probably 11 times, considering he was on 12 hearts, but he still hasn't checked how many he's on now.
Eventually he has to. No matter how much he wishes he could just stay in his bed — sticky with blood — and never open his eyes for the rest of eternity.
He can't. Well actually he can, there's nothing stopping him other than maybe his friends worrying about him and the server closing when the season ends. And the possibility of Mapicc coming back.
But he wont, he likes to think of himself as brave no matter how much he knows that's a lie.
So he does, he does get up. He sits up in his bloody bed and opens his god forsaken eyes.
Everything is spinning, his room, his castle, the sky, the whole fucking world is spinning and sparkling (in a not good way).
He hates it, his head hurts. He wants to close his eyes again, lay back down and never get back up.
But he stays, because he's PrinceZam and he's strong and he's brave and his entire world isn't spinning and this is normal and he's fine, he's fine, everyone gets dizzy after respawns right? Everyone gets dizzy and their vision is just sparkles and spinning and vertigo and he feels like he's falling and it sucks but it's ok, it's ok.
It's always ok, he's always ok. So he stands up. Or not, because now he's on the floor, laying down again. But his eyes are still open, because he's strong, he's Zam.
He's on his knees, half sitting and half leaning against the side of his bed. He can barely see, his vision is sparkly and blurry but he checks his heart count.
Two, two hearts. He really doesnt mean to but he chuckles to himself, he's either too dizzy to register how bad that is or he's genuinely amused by the fact that he's not on one heart, probably because mapicc miscounted his deaths.
Maybe both.
But he waits, just sitting on his floor, chuckling to himself, and crying. Crying a lot. After what feels like five hours his head is clear enough for him to stand, maybe it was five hours. It's night now.
He grabs a brush, some ink and a couple signs, and he walks out. He's pathetic, must look miserable as he stumbles out onto the hill with his wall where he usually puts signs.
And he just starts writing, his thoughts, how he feels. He hopes no one reads them, ever, they'd think he's pathetic. He probably is. But he doesn't acknowledge that.
Instead he writes, and eventually he can see clearly and his head isn't spinning, the world is still again. By then it's morning, but he can't be bothered to care.
Zam knows what happens when he respawns isn't normal, he also knows that it only happens because of the copious amounts of times he's died on repeat before. And he also chooses to ignore it.
Parrot is a pretty nice admin, if he knew there would probably be a no spawn killing policy on the server. But there isn't, because he doesn't know. Only Zam does, and he thinks he's the only one who ever will know about it.
And then he goes back, back to his castle. He tries washing his bedsheets, but he gives up and just replaces them.
And it's 08:30 now, but he goes to bed. The signs on his wall in the back of his mind calm him as he falls deep into sleep. Ignoring the fact that anyone who comes by could easily read them and see just how weak and pathetic he is. Because he's Zam, and he's strong, he's fine, and he's tired.
Good night.