Work Text:
Me: im hone
Me: home
Me: and im done kfs
Me: mattyme
Me: marry me
Me: i think imgonnapppke
kkm: I’m flattered
kkm: but don’t you think we should get acquainted first?
kkm: though you know what
kkm: to hell with foreplay
kkm: I agree
kkm: bonus if you’re a guy
*
Me: oh my god I’m so sorry
Me: I texted you by mistake, obviously
kkm: where did you even get my number?
Me: I don’t have your number
Me: I mean
Me: I have your number
Me: clearly
kkm: you don’t contradict yourself at all
Me: yes, sorry again
Me: I think I accidentally reset my phone’s memory yesterday
Me: you see, I don’t really drink
kkm: this doesn’t yet explain how you got my phone number and why you asked me marry you
kkm: but since I agreed and we are now engaged, I can be patient and wait for a more articulate explanation
Me: haha
Me: you’re funny 😀
Me: are you a guy or a girl?
Me: for now I only know that you prefer men, and I’m a woman
Me: so when I explain this misunderstanding we can remain friends
kkm: are you withdrawing your proposal already?
kkm: my heart is broken
kkm: I’m a guy by the way
kkm: and no, I don’t prefer men
Me: but you wrote that it’s a bonus if I’m a guy
kkm: only because if I marry a woman, my mother will only leave me alone temporarily
kkm: but soon she will start demanding grandchildren from me
kkm: and if I marry a guy, she will leave me and the matters of my personal life forever
Me: it almost sounds as if you’re being serious
kkm: I’m being serious
Me: right
Me: accepting a marriage proposal from a stranger so that your mother will stop prying into your personal life
kkm: I’m just thinking pragmatically
Me: I think you’re just being dramatic
Me: surely your mom just wants you to be happy
kkm: we’ll see what you say when I introduce her to you at our wedding
Me: you’re not really going to marry a stranger, are you?
Me: especially because with me this won’t solve the problem with the grandchildren 🙂
kkm: but it will solve the “it’s time for you to think about getting married” problem much faster than I expected
kkm: because I already have you, and to find a husband I’ll have to start from scratch
kkm: besides, you wrote to me by mistake and you don’t know who I am
kkm: so I can rule out that you need something from me
kkm: only sincere and pure feelings between us
Me: haha 😂
Me: you somehow sound pragmatic and romantic at the same time
Me: though I still hope you’re joking
Me: anyway
Me: I better explain myself so that there are no misunderstandings between us
Me: yesterday I was texting my friend
kkm: should I be jealous?
Me: why?
kkm: you were going to propose to your friend
Me: haha, not really
Me: it’s an old joke between us
Me: a few years ago when we were still at school, I had this stupid crush on my classmate
Me: it was completely hopeless, of course
Me: so my friend promised that he would marry me himself if Adrien never noticed me after all my pining
Me: we’re childhood friends and Kim cares of me like a little sister
Me: so you see, it was a joke
Me: he was actually the one who got me drunk yesterday
Me: he and his girlfriend
Me: they insisted on celebrating my “success” in the fashion industry
Me: you see, I recently launched my own brand
Me: sounds grandiose, right?
Me: in fact, it’s a small company, basically consisting of myself
Me: sorry, it’s probably too much boring personal information
Me: anyway
Me: I think I reset my phone’s memory while drunk
Me: ‘cause there are no more contacts in it
Me: except for your number that is
Me: I think I tried to save Kim’s number from memory
Me: but I mixed the figures and it turned out to be yours
kkm: I see
kkm: that is very entertaining
Me: what’s your name?
kkm: why?
kkm: don’t you want to wait until our wedding to get to know each other?
Me: I guess I deserve you laughing at me like that
Me: but I just want to name the contact after you instead of what I think looked like “Kim” to my drunk self yesterday
kkm: ok
kkm: my name is Felix
Me: ha!
Me: it’s a rare name
Me: very nice to meet you, Felix
Me: I’m Marinette
Felix: pleased to meet you, dear Marinette
Felix: now we won’t have to introduce ourselves at the altar
Me: are you still joking about this?
Felix: I’m not joking
Felix: now you’ll have more time to talk to my mother
Me: right
Me: anyway
Me: the guy I liked at school had a cousin named Felix
Me: it’s a coincidence, of course
Me: I just don’t know anyone else with this name
Me: that is, I don’t even know him personally
Me: only the name
Me: I think he lives in London
Me: wait
Me: I just noticed your number is British
Me: do you live there too?
Me: is it a common name in UK?
Felix: I live in Paris
Felix: but I moved recently
Felix: I didn’t change my number because I wasn’t sure that I would want to stay here for a long time or not
Felix: but judging by the fact that your number is French, I will
Felix: so you won’t have to move to London after our wedding
Me: you won’t leave the wedding thing alone, will you?
Felix: of course not
Felix: you proposed to me yourself, and I will be an idiot just like Adrien if I let such a woman go
Me: you can’t know what kind of woman I am
Me: we’ve never even met
Felix: true, but we’ll fix it soon
Felix: as for what I may or may not know
Felix: I know that your name is Marinette Dupain-Cheng
Felix: that you recently launched the MDC brand
Felix: that you are beautiful, and judging by your works, very talented
Felix: you don’t change your love interests often, maintain strong friendships and rarely drink
Felix: I’d say you’re perfect for me
Me: how could you know who I am just by my name?
Me: Marinette is a common name in Paris
Me: I can be anyone
Felix: you could
Felix: but you’re not
Me: I
Me: if I tell you that it’s really me, will you use it somehow against me?
Felix: why would I use something against my future wife?
Me: right
Me: I don’t know why I’m telling you this
Me: but you guessed who I am
Me: though I really still don’t understand how
Felix: I didn’t need to use statistics to know that half of the girls in Paris has a crush on Adrien Agreste for the last few years, so the likelihood that you were talking about the same Adrien was pretty high
Felix: add to this the fact that he mentioned several times his “good friend Marinette”, who bakes very good and, oh right, who’s a talented designer
Felix: I just had to check if this Marinette launched her own brand recently, considering that you told me about it yourself
Me: wow
Me: did you really figure all this out just from my name and one of my phrases?
Me: wait though
Me: you said “he mentioned several times”
Me: it means you know him
Me: you really are his cousin, then
Felix: I am
Felix: but you can’t refuse to marry me only by this criterion
Felix: I don’t refuse to marry you because you had a crush on my cousin at school, do I?
Me: I
Me: I don’t know what to say
Me: but if we were seriously discussing a potential wedding
Me: wouldn’t you be afraid that I still like him?
Felix: I wouldn’t
Felix: it was you who proposed to me
Me: I was drunk
Felix: you know what they say
Felix: a drunk mind speaks a sober heart
Felix: or, drunk words are sober thoughts?
Felix: something like that
Me: hmm
Felix: so even if you still have some lingering feelings, I see it as a willingness to move on
Me: I don’t think there are any lingering feelings
Me: not for a long time actually
Me: this is exactly the reason why I allowed Kim and Alix to get me drunk yesterday
Me: because I realized that I am an adult, self-sufficient woman who is starting her journey in the fashion world
Me: and that I have long outgrown my naive crush
Felix: and that upset you enough to get drunk?
Me: not that
Me: but the fact that I lost so much time thinking about him
Me: and then when I no longer thought about him, I continued to ignore the men around me out of habit
Me: and now that I finally realized it, I found myself alone
Me: celebrating my achievements with friends
Me: I never told him about my feelings in order to maintain our friendship, you see
Me: and Adrien couldn’t even come yesterday, whatever friends we are
Me: but I wasn’t even upset, you know?
Me: not because of him at least
Me: but because of the fact that I didn’t allow anyone else to be with me because of the old crush that didn’t even matter anymore
Felix: well
Felix: what can I say
Felix: I will definitely thank my cousin for guarding my future wife’s heart from other men until she proposed to me
Me: you are impossible!
Me: I just told you the tragic story of my life and you continue to joke
Felix: I told you I wasn’t joking, my dear
Felix: I’m getting a bite of the cherry
Felix: it’s not every day that a perfect woman asks me to marry her
Felix: and I’m not one to miss opportunities
Me: Felix Fathom
Felix: that would be me
Me: you recently came to Paris to develop a branch of your mother’s company here
Felix: you’re finally awake enough to use the internet, I see
Me: was this an attempt to escape your mom for a while?
Felix: and you already understand me so well, darling
Me: jksdghlkv
Me: sorry
Me: my phone fell
Me: umm
Me: you look just like Adrien
Felix: would it be a problem?
Me: a problem???
Me: you’re gorgeous!
Felix: I understand that your aesthetically sophisticated eye notices external beauty first of all, but that’s not what I meant
Me: sorry
Me: I was just surprised
Me: what did you mean?
Felix: the fact that I look just like the man you liked for a long time
Me: you think I’ll see him in you?
Me: you can put it out of your pretty head right away
Me: you two are completely different
Felix: how can you know that?
Me: are you kidding?
Me: I know Adrien
Me: we’ve been friends for many years
Me: he can’t say a word against his father’s decisions
Me: despite the fact that he has long been an adult
Me: and you’re ready to marry a stranger just to contradict your mother
Me: a guy even
Me: or to go to another city to develop a new branch of the company from the scratch just to let her understand that you need some space from her influence
Me: or that’s the way I see it
Me: and your brain
Me: it works like a high speed computer
Me: you knew who I was before I realized that I woke up and was texting a stranger
Me: it’s hard to compare this with a guy who can’t notice the obvious under his nose for years
Me: so no
Me: you can be sure that I won’t confuse you with each other
Me: and judging by the expression on your face in the photos I found, you two also have very different personalities
Felix: I knew you were perfect
Felix: I studied your site a little, by the way
Felix: and I have a few ideas to develop your brand
Felix: but they can wait until after the wedding
Felix: and only if you want to take my advice, of course
Me: advice from a person who has experience in managing a company and knows how to develop it from scratch?
Me: oh, p-lease!
Me: why would I waste my time on him?
Me: I’m joking of course!
Me: who do I need to kill to get your advice and when could I hear these ideas?
Felix: for my beautiful wife – any time of your choice
Me: I’m serious, Felix
Me: I realize that we don’t know each other and this all started with a misunderstanding, but I would really like to hear your ideas
Felix: you still think that I’m joking about the wedding, don’t you?
Me: of course!
Felix: what will help you realize that I’m serious?
Me: I
Me: do you really want to marry me?
Felix: I do
Me: so that your mother leaves you alone with questions about your personal life
Felix: no
Me: no?
Felix: that was before I knew who you were
Felix: now I just want to marry you
Felix: I don’t even mind considering grandchildren for my mother after a while
Felix: if you ever want it, of course
Felix: Marinette?
Me: does this happen in real life?
Felix: what exactly?
Me: that a handsome, smart, confident man just appears out of nowhere and wants to marry me?
Felix: I don’t know if it happens to other people
Felix: but I’d prefer to use the opportunities that come
Felix: so if you want, I’ll pick you up in an hour and we’ll do it today
Me: to get that bite of the cherry?
Felix: exactly
Me: you’re right
Me: to hell with foreplay
Me: I agree
Me: here is my address