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Charles let himself fall onto the bench in his driver's room. A loud sigh left his lips as soon as he placed his headphones over his ears, blocking out all other sounds. His head leaned against the wall behind him. The stress had been building up over the past two seasons. He and his team went from being a contender for the driver's championship to being fourth in the constructor's championship. He knew he didn't drive flawlessly over the past few races, but the team had also lacked in making good decisions.
Everything that had been happening over the last few years suddenly started to wash over him. Today qualifying hadn't been going as he planned. He managed to get in Q2, but got taken out as Hulkenberg crashed into him. His qualifying was over and he was left at p15. Over the past few weeks, he had started to notice bad habits pop up. He had lost his appetite and would easily forget to eat. Even when he managed to remember to eat, he could barely finish an entire meal. At night, he stayed up later than he should. He couldn't put his finger on why he did it. Every night when he was about to go to bed, doing everything but sleep sounded better than closing his eyes. He had started to push people away. Whenever he could get away with it he would decline invitations. He hadn't initiated contact with anyone except for some friendly greetings up and down the paddock. He knew his mental health was getting worse and he didn't have a clue what to do about it.
Charles could hear the knocking on his door. With a loud sigh, he took his headphones off.
"It's open," Charles yelled out. Andrea walked in.
"Everything alright?" He asked while he closed the door behind him.
"Yes, just upset at how this quali went. I could have gotten in Q3 today. I should have gotten into Q3," Charles said. Andrea nodded. By now, he had gotten to know Charles enough to know that at this moment in time, Charles would prefer to stay alone.
"Understandable. You know where to find me if you want to talk about it," Andrea said. Charles nodded and with that Andrea left the room. Charles gladly placed his headphones back on his head. He no longer cared that the music was giving him a headache. At least it was better than the silence.
Another knock was heard not too long after, this time it was Carlos who walked in.
"Sorry for what happened at quali, mate. You did not deserve that," Carlos said. Charles shrugged.
"Can't do anything about it. I hope everyone stays out of my way tomorrow." Carlos nodded.
"Fred has asked if you can join for the debrief," Carlos said. Charles mumbled an approval before getting up, following Carlos out of the room.
When they were done for the debrief, Carlos hung around on the paddock. He kept an eye on the McLaren garage. When he finally saw someone with a green and yellow bucket hat walk out, he hurried over.
"Lando, you and I need to talk. Alone," Carlos said. A smirk played on Lando's lips while Lando wiggled his eyebrows.
"Not like that. Come on," Carlos said before pulling Lando to a quiet place on the paddock.
"What's going on?" Lando asked. A frown now painted his features. Carlos waited for a marshall to pass.
"Charles isn't doing good. He isn't eating. He ignores everyone. Whenever he can, he locks himself away. I don't want to make a lot of attention by telling the team. Can you help me see if we can cheer him up?" Carlos asked. Lando could sense the desperation in Carlos' voice.
"It has been going on for a while, huh?" Lando asked. Carlos nodded.
"Shouldn't we tell his trainer?" Lando asked. Carlos shook his head.
"His trainer needs to tell the team if any problems happen. It's in our contracts. I think if the team finds out they'll kick him off. That's pretty unfair. We can't let that happen."
That night Lando arrived at Charles' hotel room. The first two times he knocked, he didn't get a response.
"Charles?" Lando asked before knocking another time. He hoped it helped if Charles knew who was in front of his door. Lando heard some stumbling on the other side of the door. Charles opened his door on a mere crack. Lando shot him a soft smile.
"Carlos, Max, Alex, and I are going to eat dinner together. We would really like it if you would join us," Lando said. Charles looked down.
"I am quite tired I actually wanted to go to bed," Charles said. Now Lando was aware of his avoidance strategies it became very obvious what was happening.
"You still need to eat dinner, right?" Lando asked. Charles slowly nodded.
"We were just going down to the F1 canteen. None of us will stay late, because of the race. We just want to have dinner together instead of alone," Lando explained. He could basically see the wheels turning in Charles' head while he tried his best to find an excuse.
"Alright, give me a couple of minutes," Charles finally said. Lando hummed while he let Charles close the door on him. Lando quickly texted Carlos that he and Charles would be on their way in a couple of minutes.
Charles reappeared with changed clothing and a cap on his head. He followed Lando down to the canteen at the paddock quietly.
"Charles, Lando," Max said as soon as he saw them. He waved enthusiastically at them. The other three had already reserved a table in the far corner of the room. Carlos sent a hidden thumbs-up to Lando when Charles wasn't looking. Charles sat down next to Max.
"Hey," He said quietly.
"Hi, mate. Glad you two could join us. I always hate eating alone the day before a race," Max said while he handed both Charles and Lando a menu.
Charles was the last to close the menu and when a waiter finally appeared Charles still seemed unsure of what to order. He knew that his trainer had picked out five meals on the menu that fitted with Charles's diet on the day before the race. Still, none of the options seemed appetizing. He ended up ordering a salad combined with potatoes and chicken. When the food arrived, he hid most of his face behind his hands. He had to refrain from gagging as soon as the smell of food reached his nose. Max was already cutting the meatballs on his own plate into smaller pieces. He quickly put a piece in his mouth.
"Oh, Charles. You'll love this one. It tastes like the hamburgers we always got after a karting race," Max said. He took Charles's fork before quickly putting a piece of the meat on the fork. He held it out in front of Charles. The latter quickly put it in his mouth. With every fiber of his body, he tried to make it look like he enjoyed the food.
"It is really good."
All of them tried to include Charles in the conversation as much as they could. If no one specifically asked him a question, Charles found it hard to pay attention to the conversation that was happening. He tried to involve himself as much as he could muster. At least so his friends wouldn't worry too much. The last thing he wanted was to have someone realize that he was struggling. No one should see him like this.
In Carlos's opinion, Charles seemed to be doing a lot better the day after. When Carlos arrived in the garage that morning, Charles was already going over some information with the strategists. He gave Carlos a smile and a wave when Carlos walked past.
"Good morning, mate. Ready to show the world what the one and only Lord Perceval can do?" Carlos asked while he made his way over to Charles. He quickly patted the engineers on the back as a greeting.
"Sure, strategies look promising. If nothing crazy happens, I might be able to bring some points home for the team today," Charles said while he looked at the monitors in front of him.
"Sounds good, mate. I hope you have a good race today," Carlos said.
"Thank you, you too"
The preparation for the race was the same as it was every week. Charles and Carlos were weighing in on the various calls their strategists and engineers had made. Together they came up with the perfect plan for both drivers. Which included an unlikely scenario with a safety car in which case Carlos might be able to help Charles get back to the front. The first few laps for Carlos were almost boring. He was able to move up to fourth. Easily he pulled away from Russell but he wasn't able to get closer to Perez who was driving in front of him. It was when various teams started to change their tires that it got interesting. The team had decided that Carlos would drive a long stint on his tires and aim for a one-stop. That meant that after his pitstop he had a lot of drivers in front of him, including those who started further down the grid.
When he saw a car in front of him fly towards the barrier, Carlos just barely saw a glimpse of red. Carlos immediately got onto the radio.
"Was that Charles?" Carlos asked. He looked in his mirrors to confirm his suspicion. A big cloud of dust had formed itself around the place where the car had gone off and Carlos was no longer able to make out the color.
"Confirmed, it was Charles. So, that is a red flag. Red flag. Keep the delta positive," His engineer immediately spoke to him.
"Come back to the pitlane."
"Is Charles okay?"
"I don't have confirmation yet." Carlos made sure his radio was off before he cursed loudly into his helmet. He wanted to scream. Every fiber in his body knew this was bad. He had to remind himself to breathe slowly while his chest was battling against his racing suit.
When Carlos got out of his car he noticed the tense atmosphere in the garage. His head turned to locate the sound of uncontrollable sobbing. He found a group of people kneeling next to someone on the floor. Carlos slowly made his way over to the group. Sitting on the floor with tears pouring down his face was Arthur, Charles's younger brother.
Carlos pulled one of the engineers away from the group.
"Do you have updates?" Carlos asked.
"Charles is alive, but the medical team on site didn't trust his state. A medical helicopter just picked him up. The crash looked quite bad hence the reaction of everyone here," The engineer said. He stopped talking for a second. He quickly pointed at his ear to let Carlos know he was receiving information through there.
"The entire race is canceled. FIA wants to get a better look at what happened. And there is so much work to get the track ready they are not going to do that for two laps," The engineer summarized. Carlos nodded, not really caring about that at the time.
Although it went against all of Carlos's instincts, he walked away from Arthur. He made his way over to his own race engineer. When he requested to see the footage of the crash, he very quickly learned that the engineer he had talked to earlier was right. It was one of the most high-impact crashes he had seen since he had started in Formula One. To hear that Charles might be seriously injured didn't surprise him. The replay was playing on a loop. Carlos couldn't tear his eyes away from the screens, analyzing every frame of the footage while his mind went through every possible worst case scenario. He let out a relieved breath when he heard Oscar's voice.
"I am sorry. Carlos asked me to come here. Something with Arthur?" Carlos quickly made his way over to the back of the garage where Oscar had appeared.
"I did. Thank you, Oscar," Carlos said while he pulled Oscar along to where Arthur was sitting.
"Hey, Artie. It's just me," Oscar said while he sat down next to Arthur. The latter leaned in to place his head on Oscar's shoulder. The engineers around Arthur cleared off to give the two of them some privacy. Some engineers had pulled a cart with tools in front of Arthur to shield him from the cameras outside the garage.
"Charles is in good hands. They are going to take care of him," Oscar started. He intertwined their fingers to get even closer to Arthur.
"It's not your fault, you know? You couldn't have done anything about this," Oscar said. Arthur's lip trembled.
"What if- What if-" Arthur mumbled before he fell silent.
"Even if that's what he did, we will figure out something. And even then it's not your fault and you couldn't have done anything about it, sweetheart." Oscar seemed to know exactly what Arthur was talking about without Arthur needing to say anything. Because even though Carlos was listening in he had no clue what that entire conversation was about.
Oscar stayed with Arthur when they were allowed to see Charles. The latter was asleep when they walked in. The doctors had kept him in a controlled sleep to make sure they could perform all the tests they needed.
"Charlie," Arthur exclaimed while he ran towards the bed. He took Charles's hand in his own. His face was already buried in Charles's shoulder before Oscar could make his way over to them. Oscar ran his hand over Arthur's back.
"Oh Charles," Arthur said. He pulled away to look at Charles's face.
"Tell me he will be alright, Oscar," Arthur pleaded while he turned around to meet Oscar's eyes.
"The doctors said it was quite likely for him to make a full recovery physically if he wakes up. And we will get him all the help he needs to deal with everything that he is going through," Oscar said. He carefully pulled Arthur away from Charles to embrace him in a hug.
"How about this, we go and get some food. Get some fuel in your body and we will come back later when Charles is awake?" Oscar suggests. He feels Arthur nod against his chest.
While they are sitting at a table in the hospital restaurant together Oscar tries to think of the most strategic way to handle the situation.
"Arthur, you need to promise me something," Oscar carefully said. Arthur looked up to meet Oscar's eyes.
"When we go back to see Charles, don't ask about his behavior recently. We will have that conversation with him later, but now we need to focus on patching him up, alright?" Oscar asked. Arthur nodded.
"Yeah, okay."
Pierre had been sitting in front of the entrance of the Ferrari hospitality for hours. He knew Carlos hadn't left yet. He needed to talk to Carlos to make sure Charles was alright. When he finally heard the thick Spanish accent coming from behind him he scrambled up.
"Carlos?" Pierre asked. Carlos looked shocked at the state of Pierre. His eyes were red and puffy, his cheeks were flushed and his hair was standing in every direction.
"Can you give us a second, Rupert?" Carlos asked. Rupert nodded before walking away from them.
"Please tell me he is okay," Pierre said.
"I don't know, Pierre. We haven't really heard much. Except that he is alive," Carlos said. He placed a hand on Pierre's shoulder.
"I said some horrible things to him. I told him I hate him, I didn't mean that. I don't know why I said that. And now he is going to die thinking I hate him. I don't hate him. He is my best friend," Pierre rambled on.
"Slow down, Pierre. What happened? Why did you say bad things to him?" Carlos asked. Pierre was trembling all over.
"He said some things to me. He was being really aggressive. It was like he was trying to get me mad. And then he said something about Kika and then I snapped. I don't know why. I should have never said those things," Pierre let himself fall back on the stairs he had been sitting on previously.
Carlos sat down next to Pierre.
"Pierre, we've got to believe he is going to be okay. We have to," Carlos said. It was as much to keep Pierre positive as it was to talk faith in himself.
"How can you? I just saw the crash. There is no way. No way that he is okay," Pierre said.
"Don't say that. Please don't say that," Carlos begged. It was the first time fear started to trickle into Carlos. Never before had he been so anxious to hear anything after a crash. Not even when he was flying at a barrier himself.
Out of the corners of his eyes, Carlos saw someone approaching them. Carlos looked over to see that it was Max.
"No news, I guess?" Max asked while he stood in front of them. Carlos shook his head.
"They brought him to the hospital in a helicopter. The medical team on site didn't trust his injuries," Carlos explained. He could feel Pierre shiver next to him.
"He is tough. He won't stop fighting. That's not, Charles," Max said.
"He is tough," Pierre repeated.
They stayed seated on the set of stairs for a while. They talked about Charles for a bit. Some memories were shared that made all of them laugh. It was Max who decided to steer the conversation away from Charles. In fact, he made sure not to talk about racing at all. He shared a story of something that happened to his cats the other day. They continued to share random stories about their pets until Rupert came to look for Carlos.
"I promise you, I'll call you once I have news. Okay?" Carlos asked while he placed a hand on Pierre's arm.
"Thank you."
That night Carlos barely slept. Never before did he have such an extreme reaction to a fellow driver crashing. Maybe it was the fact that he didn't immediately get the confirmation that Charles was okay. Or maybe it was because he knew Charles had been struggling. He really wouldn't be able to tell you what it was. All he knew was that he was extremely worried.
The next morning, Ferrari called everyone to the restaurant of the hotel where they were staying. They wanted to give an update on the entire situation regarding Charles and let their employees ask any questions they had. Carlos made his way over to the restaurant together with Rupert.
"I am curious what they are going to say," Carlos said.
"Me too." Joris, Charles's performance coach, just climbed the stage when Carlos and Rupert walked in.
"Thank you for coming everyone. I will immediately tell you the good news that based on the circumstances, Charles is doing alright. As you can imagine his body has had a lot of impact. He has a quite severe concussion. Other than that, his body mostly needs a lot of rest to recover. If we give him the rest he needs now, he is likely to make a full recovery," Joris explained. Fred, who was standing next to Joris, nodded.
"That's why we decided to not let Charles race for the remainder two races. Robert Shwartzman will be available to drive the two races left."
"The family has requested to give Charles space while he recovers. Unless the family or Charles specifically asks you to visit him, everyone will be turned away. The necessary safety measures have been put up. Unless someone is either accompanied by a member of Charles's family or me, they won't be able to get into the hospital."
Carlos hadn't even seen that Lorenzo had been present for the meeting until he walked over to Carlos.
"How is Charles doing?" Carlos asked immediately. He followed Lorenzo to a quieter part of the room after Lorenzo motioned to follow him.
"Fairly okay. He wanted me to ask if you could visit him later today," Lorenzo said. Carlos nodded.
"Of course. Why me?" Carlos asked. Lorenzo shrugged.
"You're guess is as good as mine. There is one thing you should know, Carlos." Lorenzo took a deep breath.
"After Charles and Bottas made contact, Charles did nothing to save the car. If he would have steered, he could have gotten back on track. He didn't take his foot off the pedals either," Lorenzo said. Carlos swallowed hard.
"You think he did it on purpose?" Carlos asked.
"His crash with Bottas wasn't on purpose, but I can't say that for sure about what happened after that. I don't know if he has talked to you about it, but he has been struggling for a while now. He doesn't want to talk about it, he pretends like he doesn't remember what has happened."
Carlos had never been so nervous about seeing one of his friends. He had thought the scenario over multiple times on his way to the hospital. He had not succeded in finding a good way to greet Charles. So, he hoped his gut would point him in the right direction. Lorenzo had given Carlos the room number. When Carlos walked in, Charles was staring out the window.
"Hey Charles," Carlos said to make his presence known. Immediately Charles turned to meet his eyes.
"Hey," Charles's voice sounded hoarse. He scraped his throat, hoping it'd clear up his voice a little.
"I am glad to see you are alright. That was quite a scary crash you got into," Carlos said while he sat down on the chair next to the bed.
"I guess," Charles mumbled.
Carlos tried to crack a few jokes, but none of them seemed to land. Charles didn't laugh once. Not even a fake smile he had given him the past few weeks.
"Do you know what caused the crash?" Carlos asked.
"Valtteri and I had contact," Charles said. Carlos hummed softly.
"Couldn't you get back on the track after that? Your engineer told me you didn't try to get back on track," Carlos said. He took Charles's hand in his own. Slowly he rubbed circles with his thumb on the back of Charles's hand.
"I- I-" Charles tried to speak, but the tears were already rolling down his cheeks before he could even get a word out.
Carlos moved to sit down on the side of the bed.
"I am so sorry," Charles said while another sob broke through him. Carlos wrapped his arms tightly around Charles. The latter kept sobbing into Carlos's shoulder.
"It's alright, Charlito. Everything is going to be alright," Carlos said. He kept rubbing his hand over Charles's back.
"I do not know what to do. I- I- I-" Charles let out another choked sob.
"Maybe I should just retire." Charles's shoulders slumped while he said that.
Carlos pushed Charles back until he could look him in the eyes.
"I am not letting you retire. You can't retire. Driving in Formula One has been your dream since you were little. You can't just give up. Maybe the team is not the best team for you right now, but you are not going to retire. I'll help you look for other teams. I'll talk to them myself if I need to, but I don't want you to give up on your dream because your team sucks. Charles, you are one of the best drivers out there. You deserve to be on that podium every single race. You deserve to hold that trophy one day. And I just know you will. Just please don't give up, Charles. Please," Carlos pleaded. He didn't know where all of this came from. And instead of it having a comforting effect, Charles only started to sob harder.
"I can't leave Ferrari. It was my dream to win it with Ferrari. Winning without Ferrari doesn't feel like an achievement," Charles mumbled in between tears.
"Then we'll talk to the team together. Tell them what has been going on and we're not leaving the factory until there is a solution. I'll help you, Charles. And Max, Lando, and Pierre will also come if they need to. All drivers know you are too good to retire. And that the team is treating you unfairly."
"I am so sorry," Charles mumbled while he brushed his sleeve against his eyes.
"Don't be, Charlito. I am sorry we haven't gotten you help the minute we noticed you needed help. We thought we could help you without the team knowing," Carlos said.
"I pushed everyone away. I made everyone hate me," Charles said. A shiver ran down his spine.
"Charles, no one hates you. Yes, you said some not so nice things, but that made no one hate you. All of us want to see you do well. " Carlos rubbed his hand over Charles's arm.
"That's not true. Pierre hates me. He told me that," Charles said. He sniffled before quickly drying his eyes with the sleeve of his jacket.
"Pierre doesn't hate you. Yes, he was upset about what you said to him. But after you crashed he felt very guilty that he hadn't apologized to you for what he said to you after that. He was really worried about you yesterday, probably still is, to be honest," Carlos said.
"Really?"
"Yes, of course. Pierre is your best friend, Charles. Of course, he is worried about you. All of us are," Carlos said.
"You shouldn't worry about me, I'm fine." Carlos placed a hand on Charles's arm.
"Charles, you are not okay. And that is okay. We are going to find you help okay? You are not alone anymore," Carlos said. Charles's lip quivered.
"Sorry," Charles mumbled.
"We are going to help you, okay? All of us," Carlos said. A shiver ran down Charles's spine.
"Okay." When Carlos went to give him another hug, it was the first time he actually noticed how much weight Charles had lost. Carlos could feel all the bones under his hands way too easily. He decided not to bring it up and instead just hold on to Charles a little longer.
Carlos had been able to convince Charles to let Pierre visit. Meanwhile, he had made Pierre promise him he wouldn't ask about what happened on the track. Pierre let out a relieved breath when he saw Charles lying in the hospital bed.
"Hey Charles," Pierre said while he made his way over to the bed. Charles held out his hand for Pierre to take.
"I am sorry Pear. I didn't mean those things. None of them. I am so sorry." Charles's lip quivered. He hated that everything made him cry. Pierre softly squeezed his hand.
"It's okay. I know you didn't mean it. That's not you. And I didn't mean the things I said after either. I don't hate you. I could never hate you," Pierre said. He brought his other hand up to hold onto Charles's hand as well. Charles looked away while blinking a few times rapidly.
"I am really glad to see you are doing alright," Pierre said.
"Yeah, I am starting to feel a bit better," Charles said. Pierre chuckled.
"If you think about it, our jobs are crazy, aren't they?" Pierre said. He looked over at Charles.
"We risk our lives every weekend by driving a car in circles. And here I am making sure that you didn't believe me when I told you I hated you," Pierre said. Charles smiled sadly.
"Stop talking about it, Pear. You didn't mean it. I know you didn't. We were both being stupid."
"Isn't that our thing? Being stupid?" Charles hit Pierre's arm playfully.
"Speak for yourself," Charles said before giggling softly. And for a second, Pierre saw the old Charles. The Charles that he grew up racing while karting.
"You are the one known for the radio telling your team you're stupid."
"Oh shut it. I heard that sentence too much." Charles rolled his eyes playfully.
"I kind of smuggled someone into the hospital," Pierre said. Charles raised his eyebrows while looking at Pierre.
"Max really wanted to make sure you were alright. He was being annoying," Pierre said. Charles chuckled softly.
"He is always annoying."
"Can I let him in? Or do you not want to?" Pierre said.
"You can let him in. I don't think he will stop being annoying until he has seen that I am alive," Charles said. So, Pierre left to get Max. While Charles was alone he felt an enormous sense of relief wash over him. From the second he had woken up in the hospital, he had feared none of his friends would have wanted to do anything with him. And now they were almost fighting to visit him in the hospital.
Max almost ran into the hospital room, Pierre following close behind.
"Charles Leclerc, you don't ever do that again," Max scolded before bursting out in laughter. A smile appeared on Charles's face as well.
"I am glad to see that you are doing alright, mate." Max patted Charles on his shoulder. Which mate Charles wince in pain.
"I am sorry, I didn't know-" Charles cut him off.
"No worries. My body is just very sore," Charles explained.
"Any other injuries?" Max asked while he tilted his head to his side.
"No big ones. They got everything under control now. My entire chest is in braces to stabilize my spine. But I should be good in a few days," Charles explained. Max hummed.
"I am glad to see that you are doing alright, mate."
"Me too," Pierre added.
The next weekend was a race weekend. Charles was still in the hospital and for the first time since the accident, none of the drivers were able to visit him. A helicopter had transported him from the UK to Monaco. That way he could be in a hospital closer to him. Carlos had promised to visit him on Monday after the race. Meanwhile, Charles's room was constantly filled by family members and old school friends. Everyone wanted to know how he was doing, although very few of them knew what had actually played out that day.
That Monday, Carlos smiled when he entered the hospital room. He had just heard the good news that Charles was allowed to go home. Carlos had immediately offered to stay with him for at least the first day to help him out wherever he could. To his surprise, Charles had agreed.
"Ready to go home?" Carlos asked while he looked at the packed bag on the chair next to the bed. Charles nodded.
"They just said you are all cleared. So, we can go," Carlos said. Charles nodded again. He took a deep breath before he swung his legs off the bed. Slowly he stepped down, holding the side of the bed tightly with one hand. Once he was standing stable, he slowly made his way over to Carlos. The latter had already taken the bag.
They spend the afternoon watching movies together. They ended up staying in Charles's bedroom because Charles was still on bedrest. Charles had been writhing and moving around to find a comfortable way for him to lie down while watching TV.
"I can hold you if you want? The headboard is probably too hard to lay comfortably against," Carlos offered. Charles didn't even question it and instead curled up at Carlos's side. Carlos had to hide his surprise at the ease with which Charles curled up at his side. He normally wasn't the one to like physical touch as much. Charles had his head resting on Carlos's shoulder. Carlos wrapped an arm around Charles for good measure. Both of them continued to watch the movie without saying a word.
Carlos smiled when he looked down, Charles had fallen asleep with his head on Carlos's chest. There was no way Carlos was going to wake him up now that he was finally getting some rest. As careful as he could he pushed them both down a little bit so he could lay down properly. As soon as he wrapped an arm around Charles, the latter moved even closer to him. Carlos smiled before he reached to turn off the light. It didn't take him long before he fell asleep as well.
The next morning when Carlos woke up, the bed was empty apart from him. When he patted the bed it felt cold. Fear started to rise immediately. He quickly scrambled out of bed. First, he checked the bathroom, which he found empty. In the kitchen and the living room, no one was to be found. Eventually, he noticed that the door to the balcony was open. He let out a relieved sigh when he saw Charles sitting on one of the chairs.
"Morning," Carlos said as soon as he stepped through the door. Charles jumped slightly.
"Good morning. Sorry for last night. I didn't know I was about to fall asleep," Charles rambled immediately.
"Cabron, I didn't mind. I was still awake when you fell asleep. I thought it might help you sleep better. If I didn't want to sleep like that, I would have woken you up," Carlos said while he took a seat next to Charles.
"It did help me," Charles mumbled.
"Good. If you want to, I can stay here another night."
"Really?"
"Of course."
Carlos ended up staying a few days over at Charles's house. He drove Charles to hospital appointments because Charles wasn't cleared to drive yet. Even though Charles wouldn't admit it aloud he secretly really liked being driven around. Once Charles had been cleared to fly, they planned a meeting at the Ferrari factory. Carlos notified a few other drivers who had offered to come along. Charles hadn't been cleared to drive a Formula 1 car yet, but the doctors were positive that before the next season started, he would be fully back on his feet.
There were a few drivers that had turned up at the Ferrari factory that day. Max, Lando, Oscar, and Pierre were already waiting for them when Carlos and Charles pulled up. They all gave Charles a big hug. Just when Pierre pulled away, Charles heard his name in the distance. He turned around to see Sebastian jogging towards them.
"Seb?" Charles asked. His lip trembled slightly while Sebastian wrapped his arms around his former teammate.
"Carlos called me. I thought I could help out," Sebastian said while giving Charles a sideways hug.
"Thank you. All of you."
The meetings they had were long and tedious. Carlos was very happy that they were with many people representing Charles. Ferrari was a good sport about wanting to help Charles. However, sometimes an extra push from one of the drivers was needed to get things moving. They had purposefully left Arthur in Monaco and had taken Oscar with them instead. They knew if Arthur would be present he'd probably have gotten too emotional. Oscar, on the other hand, stayed calm in most situations. He was able to voice Arthur's concerns without creating an entire scene.
They had already spent hours in the factory when someone called for a break. They went to the cafeteria to get something to eat and drink.
"I'm going to the bathroom," Charles mumbled quietly. He had tried to weigh in on the meetings as much as possible. It was hard admitting that he was struggling. He had to tell the team what he was going through was partially caused by some decisions they had made over the past two years. It went against all his instincts because it felt like he was letting the team down. However, his friends weren't afraid of that confrontation. They didn't try to make things sound better than they were.
After visiting the bathroom, Charles found all the feelings catching up to him. He had tried to tune them out as much as possible during the meetings. Now he was alone, he was no longer able to keep them under control. He felt himself getting slightly lightheaded. So, he stumbled to the first room he found empty before letting himself sink onto the floor.
Meanwhile, the other drivers were all standing together.
"I am really proud of how he is handling these meetings," Pierre said.
"It must not be easy. You can see he is struggling," Sebastian said. It had hurt him to hear the news about Charles. He had been watching the race and he knew it was a bad one. When Carlos called him to explain the entire story to him, he knew he wanted to do everything he could to help his former teammate.
"Talking about Charles, where is he?" Lando said. All of them looked around but no one spotted Charles. It had been a while ago that he had left for the bathroom.
"I'll look for him, don't worry," Max said before putting his drink down. He had no clue where he was going, but he walked in the direction he had seen Charles go.
Max found Charles in a conference room. Charles flinched when he heard footsteps nearing him.
"It's me," Max said softly. Without making any sudden movements he sat down next to Charles.
"What do you want to do?" Max asked.
"I want to go home," Charles mumbled. His voice was quiet and fragile.
"We can do that," Max said. Charles looked at him.
"No, we can't. We need to do this," Charles said.
"How about this? We go back to the hotel, make sure you get some rest, and then come back here tomorrow. We can fly back to Monaco tomorrow evening," Max said.
"Okay," Charles mumbled.
"Do you want me to help you get up?" Max said after getting off the floor. Charles shook his head while he pushed himself onto his knees. He tried to get up but had to let himself lean back down again.
"Hold my hands, it will help you stabilize. I won't pull you up," Max said while holding out his hands in front of him. Charles looked at him for a second before he took Max's hands in his own. It gave him enough leverage to push himself up.
"Thanks," Charles mumbled.
"I'm proud of you, you know. Being able to voice what has been happening. That is really brave of you to do," Max admitted while they made their way back to the others.
"Thanks," Charles mumbled once more.
Max joined Carlos and Charles in the car to the hotel. They managed to get into the hotel without being seen. When they were in the elevator, Max turned to give Charles a hug.
"If I can do anything for you tonight or even in the middle of the night, text or call me, okay? You are not a bother if you do that," Max said. Charles nodded while he did his best to avoid Max's eyes at all costs.
Max left the elevator when it stopped at the floor he was sleeping on. Carlos and Charles proceeded to take the elevator to floors higher.
"How can I help you, Charles?" Carlos asked.
"Can I stay alone for a bit?"
"Of course, you know where to find me," Carlos said. Charles nodded.
"Thank you. And thank you for staying with me today. That was really sweet of you to do. And from the others as well," Charles said. For the first time that day, he looked up to meet Carlos's eyes. Carlos smiled while he pulled Charles in for a quick hug.
As soon as Charles arrived at his hotel room, he let out a shaky breath. He quickly got rid of the tight shirt he was wearing. The entire day it had been bothering him. It felt like he couldn't breathe. Once the shirt was off, he walked over to the bathroom. All he wanted was a long hot shower. He took the rest of his clothes off before turning the shower on. He didn't know how long he spent in there. At one point his legs were tired and he just sat down on the shower floor. The warm water felt comforting against his skin while he thought the entire day over. The team had actually been quite understanding. They were likely to reach an agreement on how they would handle the next season. Which was a more positive outcome than Charles could have ever hoped.
It was when the end of the current season rolled around they had finally been able to get all the agreements with Ferrari in place. There were measures taken to ensure that something like this would not happen again. Meanwhile, Charles's entire friend group had decided to help him through the winter break. They wanted to make sure he was ready and shining by the time they arrived on the paddock the next year.
Daniel had sat down with Charles to talk about struggling with food. After drinking a cup of tea together, Daniel finally started the conversation.
"I used to struggle quite a lot with food as well. Back when I was in McLaren," Daniel said. Charles raised his eyebrows.
"Really?" Charles asked. Daniel nodded before taking a deep breath.
"Yeah, I lost almost seven kilos compared to my normal weight at the start of the season," Daniel said. Charles nodded slowly.
"Before it happened I was six down. After almost ten," Charles whispered. Daniel nodded.
"It is scary, isn't it?"
"It is. I used to like food so much. Now I need to remind myself to eat. I just forget," Charles admitted.
"That is what happened to me as well. There were also certain foods I really struggled with."
"I do as well." Daniel talked Charles through his entire recovery of how he had regained the weight he had lost. Most importantly, he taught Charles how to start enjoying food again.
"I am going to ask a lot from you, but I want to go out for lunch with you. I'll help you through it, okay?" Daniel asked. Charles felt his hands starting to tremble. He had already gotten better at eating whatever his trainers had planned for him, but actually going out for lunch meant a huge loss of control.
"Charles, you can do this," Daniel said. Charles nodded slowly.
"Okay," Charles said.
Daniel took Charles to a small restaurant close to his home. Daniel came here often enough for the bartender to recognize him. As soon as she saw Daniel, she escorted both of them to the back of the restaurant. In a small room behind the bar, there were a few tables set up. Opposed to the busy restaurant in the front, no one was seated there.
"They usually keep this for either parties or when well known people want to go out to eat without being recognized," Daniel explained. He ushered Charles to sit down somewhere. Charles chose a table against the wall. He couldn't hide his discomfort when Daniel handed him a menu.
When Charles had been staring at the menu for quite some time, Daniel proposed a solution.
"I can also choose something for you if you want me to," Daniel offered. Charles frowned.
"Charles, I went through this as well. I know how you are feeling. Do you trust me?" Daniel asked. Charles took a shaky breath before nodding. He handed the menu over to Daniel. The latter had already made a decision before even offering to choose for him. When the waitress came over Daniel smiled softly at her.
"We'd like to share some small dishes. So, it'd be great if we both could get a separate plate," Daniel explained before going over a few things he wanted to order.
When the food appeared on the table, Charles couldn't help but smile at the things that Daniel had chosen. They were all things Charles was rather fond of. He mostly looked forward to the Caprese salad that was placed on the table.
"Just pick whatever you want to eat, but at least try a bite from everything, okay?" Daniel said. Charles nodded. He eagerly put some things on his plate while he was more hesitant with others. Daniel cracked jokes through the entire dinner and by the end, Charles had to admit that he had actually quite liked the food.
Max was helping Charles get back into his training routines. Obviously, Charles had his trainer to help him out. But once a week Max would be the one to take him to the gym. Every visit he would try to increase Charles's enjoyment in the gym.
"You're doing a wonderful job, Charles. Just three more, I know you can do it," Max said. Charles took a deep breath before turning his upper body three more times.
"You did lovely," Max said.
"Thanks. I hate that I am not as strong as I used to be," Charles said while he grabbed his towel to wipe the sweat off his forehead.
"You'll get there. The progress you have made over the last few weeks is amazing. If we keep improving a little over the next few weeks, you'll be back to your old strength in no time." Max took place in the machine himself to do his reps.
"Thanks, Max. This has really helped me a lot."
Sebastian taught him how to meditate. He invited Charles to his house for a week.
"Sometimes your head feels like it's running faster than an f1 car, doesn't it?" Sebastian said while they sat down on the couch in Sebastian's living room. Charles hummed.
"So does mine. Someone taught me how to meditate in a way to actually get yourself to calm down and stay calm," Sebastian said. Charles's head cocked to the side.
"Who did?" Charles asked curiously.
"Jules did," Sebastian said. Charles's mouth fell open.
"He did? I didn't know you were close?" Charles asked.
"We weren't as much. He just found me overwhelmed one day and gave me some tips. He was a good guy. He was always trying to look out for other people," Sebastian said. A smile appeared on Charles's face. Whenever someone spoke highly of Jules, he couldn't help but feel proud. So, whenever he used the techniques that Sebastian taught him, he couldn't help but think of Jules. Which automatically made him feel a lot better.
George, Alex, and Lando dusted off their old computers to play games with Charles. They spend a lot of evenings shouting at each other while playing a variety of games. Arthur joined them whenever he could. Which resulted in a lot of confusion from George, Alex, and Lando. Who all claimed their voices sounded so similar that they could never tell who was talking. Whenever they were playing games, Charles forgot about everything else. He was just enjoying spending time with his friends while playing the most silly games. And even when Max or Carlos would join their games the dynamics never changed. Charles would always turn off the computer at the end of the night with a huge smile on his face.
Lewis went over some basic yoga poses with Charles to use when he stretches every morning and evening. Lewis would get into a certain position and would ask Charles to copy him.
"You almost got it down, I am going to help you get the position down, okay?" Lewis asked. He placed a hand on the small of Charles's back to make sure he had the perfect form. Charles appreciated how warm Lewis's hands were. It almost gave him a sense of comfort.
"I started doing this at the beginning of 2022 when we had quite some porpoising in the car. It helped to relieve a lot of strain that was put onto my muscles," Lewis explained. Meanwhile, he showed Charles a new position. Charles tried to copy it as best as he possibly could.
"You're doing wonderfully. You would be surprised how much everything changes when you start to do this a few times a day," Lewis explained. Every few race weekends, Lewis would offer to show him some new poses once Charles was used to the other ones. They grew more and more advanced. Charles had to admit, the tension in his entire body had started to lift.
During the last few weeks before they had to actually start to train properly for the new season, Pierre had surprised him with a fully planned vacation to the south of Italy. Pierre had consulted anyone he could think of to plan the perfect holiday. Besides doing some fun physical activities like hiking, waterskiing, and cycling, Pierre had also planned an entire food tour. Part of that was a wine tasting and an entire seven-course Italian meal.
"Thank you, Pierre," Charles said while he gave a short hug to Pierre at the end of their holiday.
"You're welcome. I hope you had as much fun as I had," Pierre said. Charles chuckled.
"Probably more fun. I have never been so relaxed," Charles said. Pierre chuckled.
It was somewhere in the next season that Oscar followed Charles into his driver's room.
"You can talk to me, you know. People have said I am a great listener," Oscar said while he sat down next to Charles. The latter sighed softly.
"You won't tell?" Charles said. A soft smile appeared on Oscar's face.
"No, I won't tell anyone," Oscar said.
"Not even Arthur," Oscar added when he saw the raised eyebrow Charles gave him. Charles nodded slowly.
"It is just so hard to not fall back into the same things after a couple of rough races. I am starting to lose my appetite again. And it is so hard to eat. I do. But everything feels so much harder. I am slipping and I can't do anything about it," Charles explained. Oscar hummed softly.
"These weekends have sucked for you. But if one person should know that this probably won't last, it's you. Unlike last time a lot of people know how to help you now. Don't try to deal with all of this on your own while you have so many people that can help you in so many different ways," Oscar said. Charles nodded slowly.
"You're right. I am trying to deal with it on my own again," Charles mumbled.
"We are here for you. All the other drivers want to help you. The team wants to help you. Arthur wants to help you. But you actually need to let us help you to get somewhere," Oscar said. Charles took a shaky breath.
"I am shutting everyone out again, am I not?" Charles mumbled. Oscar hummed.
"You are starting to do that. But that does not mean you can't turn it around. Tell some people you are struggling and what you are struggling with. They will drop everything to help you, I promise."
"Thank you, Oscar," Charles said while getting up.
"You're welcome. I will always be here if you need someone to talk to," Oscar said. Charles chuckled.
"I never said sorry for that time I told you that you weren't good enough to date Arthur. Forget I said that, that's not true. I can see how happy you make him," Charles said.
"I know you didn't mean it. Don't worry," Oscar said. A soft smile had returned to his lips.
"But thank you for apologizing."
It was a night halfway through the next season that Charles finally found the confidence to confront Carlos. They were both sitting down for dinner at Charles's place.
"I don't understand you," Charles said. Carlos looked up from the phone that was clutched in his free hand.
"What?"
"I don't understand you. I don't know why you stay with me so much. Are you afraid I'll do something? Did the team ask you to stay with me?" Charles asked. A frown now coated Carlos's face.
"What?"
"Did the team ask you to stay with me to make sure I don't do anything stupid again?" Charles asked. Carlos immediately shook his head.
"Why would you think that?"
"Because after the crash you suddenly wanted to stay with me constantly. Before we only sometimes hung out off track. And now you are at my house at least half the week," Charles said.
Carlos took a shaky breath. If there was any time to come clean, it was now. He put his phone down and searched Charles's eyes for some sort of emotion. He couldn't quite make out how Charles was feeling. He almost looked hurt.
"Charles, no one has asked me to do anything. The reason I have been spending so much time with you since the crash is because while you were in the hospital I realized what the reason was that I was so anxious," Carlos said. He quickly took a sip of water.
"Charles, te amo. While you were in the hospital I realised that all this time I have been fighting with my feelings. I didn't want to admit to myself that I liked you. And when you were almost dying I knew I couldn't deny it any longer," Carlos added. He waited for a second to see how Charles would react. Charles had a frown coated on his face.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Charles asked. Carlos shrugged.
"You were battling with yourself. I didn't want this to make it even more difficult for you," Carlos explained.
The room fell silent. Carlos could hear the clock on the wall ticking faintly in the background. He was very aware of the many ticks that sounded without either of them saying anything.
"Charles? Please say something," Carlos begged. He reached forward to take Charles's hand in his own. Charles was staring blankly at him.
"Charlito? Do you want me to give you some room?" Carlos offered. Charles shook his head.
"You are telling the truth?" Charles asked. His voice was so quiet that Carlos could barely make out what he was saying.
"I am telling the truth. I won't lie to you. Je t'aime, Charles." Charles's head shot up to look Carlos in the eye.
"Je t'aime aussi," Charles said. A smile broke out on Carlos's face.
"Really?"
"Really."