Chapter Text
Kate Messner’s fingers danced lazily across the sleek, black plastic of her Discman absentmindedly; feeling every groove and button on its front plating. She had memorized its layout at this point: towards the right side of the player was the smooth, protective screen which displayed the current CD’s track and time. Next to it were the two vertical switches meant to change play modes and repeat or enter songs respectively. Every toggle and dial fit securely in precise position, and the player whirred quietly from the disc running within it. A flawless device, crafted by simple ingenuity.
Sometimes, Kate couldn’t help but wonder if it would be easier being nothing but a machine.
She was listening to that Oasis album - the one Luke had gifted to her almost 3 months ago. She had to acknowledge that it wasn’t one of her favorites within her collection; it was repetitive and lyrically simple, oftentimes leaving her dissatisfied after spinning the CD in its entirety. Yet she always seemed to be digging it out from her bin on bleak late nights such as this one. It was almost as if Track 3 was calling out to her once again, pleading her to place itself within the firm clutches of the Discman, to let her hear the whispers of their connection.
Connection.
Kate rolled over onto her side, letting the covers of her bed bunch up against her shifting movements. On nights like these, she'd think about the people close to her. She was so lucky, she knew, to have such important and caring friends and family in her life. And for most of them to essentially appear out of thin air within days of the school year starting? That had to have been the workings of some supernatural force, she was sure. It wasn’t just her father, or other adult figures in her life who cared; they were also her peers, people of her standing. They were people that listened to her, people that took her advice, people that loved and accepted her.
So why had it been so hard to tell them the truth?
Even Luke finding out she was a lesbian was hard for Kate to digest, notwithstanding the fact he had accepted her. She had kicked herself every night she reminisced about that kiss in the storage closet. How idiotic of her to spill such a dangerous secret to a kid she had been dating, no, had only known, for a week and a half. It had turned out okay, thank God, but what would’ve happened if it had been someone like Tyler who found out, or even worse, Leslie? Hell, she was still worried if her dad would ever find out. And McQuaid confessing to her that he saw her and Emaline on that stage the night of the premier? She might as well have offed herself if it weren’t for leaving Emaline behind.
Kate brushed the thought away immediately, she could never do that. Emaline was a presence that was impossible to leave behind, dating or not. She had that kind of energy, that addicting confidence that would make anyone swoon.
And swooning she was. Kate blushed, thinking of the one person who she admired the most. She covered her face with her hands, slightly knocking her headphones off of her ears while doing so. Emaline and her had been secretly seeing each other for some time now, constantly walking each other to classes and playing with each other’s pant legs under lunch tables. They’d hang out after school, study or listen to music with their heads against one another. Sometimes, she would glance over to the other girl occasionally, just to greet that pair of starry eyes that took Kate’s breath away. She couldn’t help but think this was how her dad felt when he began seeing Sherry: for once in a very, very, long time, Kate was happy.
But that scared her. Holding onto a connection so dear to her, so gentle and sincere, that could be severed in moments if it were to find the eyes or ears of someone who didn’t understand its complexity. It was frustrating, it was despicable, and it was confusing the more she conceptualized it. How insecure did someone have to be to destroy the livelihood of two people solely because of the love they have for each other? She felt her insides turn sour at the idea of the situation happening to her; she’d have to skip town, transfer schools, go radio silent. But then, what would be of Emaline? Leaving her alone in a town that hated her, Kate would be just as bad as the person that outed them.
She began to feel that familiar tugging feeling in her chest, the innate desire to express the festering thoughts to someone you confide in. Whenever she’d get that tugging, she’d remember those nights in middle school when she had no outlet to let her feelings out; when she had failed to tell her father of the mess she’d become. Kate didn’t know everything, but she knew for damn sure she wouldn’t regress back to bottling her feelings after all the progress she’d made so far.
Almost reflexively, the brunette grasped the phone on the nightstand beside her and dialed the number her girlfriend had written for her. Before she punched in the final number, she hesitated slightly, wondering if it would be too late in the night to hear from Emaline. She glanced over to the alarm clock next to her, noted that the time was 10:42 and hit the final digit. It rang 3 times, and by that time Kate began to worry that Emaline was already asleep until a soft click was made from the other end of the line.
“...Who is it?” A voice croaked into the phone, it was snippy yet laced with a thick, sleepy accent.
Crap.
“I woke you,” Kate realized with a pang, looping the chord of the phone around her left index finger, a nervous tic she picked up from her father. “I should’ve thought about it first before calling you.”
“Kate, you know how my parents feel about me talking to people past 9,” her response wasn’t harsh. It was quiet, almost like a gentle reminder a friend would nudge to another about forgetting to take their shoes off in the house. “Are you okay?”
Kate lowered the phone slightly, thinking of the right response to say to someone she had just awoken from a night’s sleep. She realized, then, that it would be unprecedented to drop a bomb of emotional baggage on Emaline at 11 o'clock at night on a Sunday . Plus, the poor girl was rudely awakened by none other than herself; she knew it would be a completely inconsiderate move to make. In any case, she couldn’t just hang up the phone now. She needed Emaline to know that she was feeling down without creating cause for concern. “I just wanted to hear your voice.”
Confiding her feelings would have to wait, at least for tonight.
She heard a rustle from the other end, possibly an exhale of breath or movement against the receiver of the phone. “I’m seeing you tomorrow morning for school, are you really that needy for me?” Emaline smiled into the phone, she still had that morning voice that resonated from the back of her throat instead of her usual tone from the front of her mouth.
“...Emaline.” Kate hoped that the inflection in her voice would be picked up by Emaline. She hoped that the blonde knew that it was one of those nights when it was just her and her thoughts and not even music could drown out the black, creeping fog of worry.
There was silence for a few moments.
“Okay,” Emaline cooed into the phone, realizing what Kate meant. There was more movement against the phone receiver, presumably Emaline shifting into a better position in bed. “You just listen, then.”
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
“Tyler, do you ever think about what you’re even saying? Men in Black is going to be the most overrated film of the summer. It’ll be filled with nothing but hopeless quips and computer animated fight scenes.” McQuaid was spitting heatedly, a bag of chips in hand and an empty juice box in the other.
Kate had just saddled up beside him, Luke, Tyler, and Leslie for lunch the following day. Apparently, the boys were in a heated debate about some new movie coming out. She, of course, wasn’t sure what it was about.
“I don’t think that’s a bad thing,” Tyler noted as he popped another grape into his mouth. “I figured you would be kind of psyched about it. FBI agents who take down aliens with cool tech? Seems right up your alley.”
“Please,” McQuaid exasperated. “The only thing that’s going to be ‘right up my alley,’” he motioned quotation marks with his fingers, “is leaving the theater as soon as Will Smith hits the screen.”
“You're only saying that because you’re not even half as funny as him.” Suddenly Emaline was there, scooting a chair considerably close to Kate. She whispered a hello to her girlfriend coyly and snuck a pear slice from Kate’s fruit cup.
Emaline’s hair was straight today; pulled back toward her ears by bobby pins. She had a thin layer of mascara painted on her curled lashes and faint blush to match. She was wearing a denim jacket with a simple black crop top underneath. Rings were adorned on almost every one of her fingers, and one of her usual chain necklaces was laying gently over her collarbone. Kate secretly loved when she wore that necklace.
The pair had seen each other that morning, but did not have enough time to really discuss last night. And just because Kate Messner was the principal’s daughter didn’t mean that she had some kind of special privilege to come and go between classes as she pleased. They had told each other that they would find the right time to discuss at some point during the school day, and since they had a considerable 30 minutes for lunch, that was as good a time as any.
After what was now a solid 5 minutes of back-and-forth movie banter, Kate had interlocked her pinkie with Emaline’s, signaling it was the right time to find someplace quiet. At once, the two girls excused themselves without warning and turned heel towards the cafeteria’s exit.
“Wait, where are you guys going?” Luke piped up, tilting his head slightly to look up at Kate and Emaline. Kate cursed inwardly, knowing that Luke could always be counted as the nosy one in any situation.
“Girl stuff, Luke,” Kate turned back toward him, lifting her eyebrows so that he knew he really shouldn’t press any further unless he felt like being barraged with bloody, chunky details. He raised his palms in response, plastering a squeamish look on his face.
As they exited the cafeteria, Emaline held onto Kate’s wrist and took the lead. “Let’s take the restrooms in the history wing, there aren’t any classes going on during this period. No chance of being caught.” She turned back to look at her girlfriend, flashing her a smile.
“How’d you know?” Kate glanced toward her slyly as they made a turn into the Social Studies wing. “You’ve got experience with this kind of stuff?” She joked meaninglessly; of course, everyone knew Emaline was a frequent skipper (as was the rest of the drama club). Kate stopped in her tracks, though, when she saw Emaline’s smile drop and let go of the former girl’s wrist.
“Well, yeah, um,” Emaline paused, scanning the floor as she walked. “I don’t know, I mean, I only knew because of Oliver.” She began to toy with the sleeve of her jacket nervously. She was clearly uncomfortable that Kate now knew that she still had her ex-boyfriend on her mind. Slowing to a stop before the restroom, the junior stole glances toward her partner expectantly.
Kate had to admit, she felt grazed learning that Emaline was still slightly hung-up on Oliver, but she felt worse knowing that she had been the reason the topic was brought up in the first place. Plus, it wasn’t like Kate had any experience with a tragic breakup, especially one that resulted from a guy leaving everything behind for New York. Emaline needed all of the support she could get, so throwing her insults was anything but necessary.
She took a step toward her girlfriend and extended her palm to hold the shorter girl’s hand, leading her the rest of the way into the bathroom. “I didn’t mean-,” Kate choked, “I won’t set you up like that again. I tried to be funny when I shouldn’t have, that’s my fault.” She stroked Emaline’s thumb with her own apologetically, intertwining their fingers together with tender precision.
At this, Emaline dragged her eyes upward to the lanky girl in front of her. Her doe eyes softened with every heartbeat that passed between them. “No, no, it's okay,” she spoke softly, “anyone would’ve made a joke like that if they had the chance.” Her heart-shaped lips widened into a soft smile.
Still, Kate felt better clearing the air entirely. “Emaline, I’m serious. I can’t be that kind of person who treats the people they care for like shit.” She breathed, darting her eyes between Emaline’s and the streaky bathroom floor. “You care so much; you took time to scope out spots for us to be together at school. To me, that means our relationship is important enough to you to preserve it, and that’s more than I could ever ask for.” There was a long pause before she added, “And I understand why he’s still on your mind. I mean,” she threw up her free hand to signal apparency. “You two had been together for years, right? It’s not-, I wouldn’t-,” Kate looked away, desperately digging the most suitable phrase for the situation at hand. “If it were you , I’d be the same way.”
They looked at each other for a long while, stealing soft glances and giggles. Kate’s neck and head were curved downward so that she could fully look at Emaline, a crooked posture that only a girl of that lankiness could achieve. She unlaced her fingers from Emaline’s and shifted her hands further back toward the other girl’s elbows and stopped, cupping them gently. As she did this, she leaned her body closer down to the shorter girl. Emaline, catching her drift, took a half-step closer and fluttered her eyes between Kate’s own and her lips. Tipping her head slightly to the right, she let out a small laugh before positioning onto her tiptoes to press her lips against the taller girl’s.
Kate couldn’t really remember the last time they full-on kissed. Of course, the pair would make off-handed kisses to cheeks, noses, and foreheads almost daily, but actual kisses were hard to come by, given their relationship. So kissing her girlfriend here, right now (even if it was in a restroom that smelled of cheap perfume and old copper) made it all the better. She had almost forgotten how gentle yet commanding Emaline’s lips were against her own; how they tasted faintly of artificial strawberries and felt like freshly-fluffed pillows. And it wasn’t just Emaline’s lips that were perfect, she knew exactly where to hold Kate against her. Her hands had found Kate’s waist and-
“What the hell?”
Immediately, a switch flipped between the girls. In a desperate act for their lives, the two pushed each other away, snapping their heads in the direction of the interruption. In a matter of seconds, both Kate and Emaline’s faces drained of color, realizing exactly who had found them sucking face in an empty social studies bathroom. Truth be told, any person finding them here in this position would be bad, but this…
Yeah, that supernatural force was definitely still working its magic.
“So,” Leslie spat, “this is the ‘girl stuff’ you dykes were talking about?”