Archive of Our Own

Nico knew their peace wasn’t built to last; the prophecy’s twelve-fold rerun assured that. There was no way he could escape this quest, no way he could bundle up at Camp for the winter and hide away with Will. Tartarus had clung to Nico ever since he left, and it was only a matter of time before it called him back down again.

Nico never anticipated bringing his soulmate with him.

He worried about the impact of dragging his soulmate through actual hell. Tartarus was the roughest place in the universe, specifically designed to inflict pain and suffering. Nico thought he would be used to it when he first went down. He thought it wouldn’t affect him, being a child of Hades himself. He was already half-dead by that point, anyways. Tartarus might even welcome him.

Nico hadn’t been prepared for that.

Nyx’s voice echoed in his mind at night. Sometimes, the memories struck in broad daylight. One minute, he was laughing with the Apollo cabin over breakfast. The next, his brain writhed like it was full of maggots. The vague impression of a house filled his vision, and he would shudder. Something about it, those windows that looked like eyes, the porch rails that looked like teeth, the way the walls flexed and stung, Nico could barely fathom. He felt insane after every flashback, unable to express the horror in his mind. There was no way to translate Tartarus into this dimension.

That was not to mention the parts he could remember; the river of fire, the apocalyptic darkness, the inescapable realization that he was inside the pit of hell– not just the place, but the protogenoi himself. Most of the memories had been hazy from exhaustion. Still, it wasn’t a place Nico wished on even his worst enemies. Now, he was inflicting it on the love of his life.

He wanted so badly for Will to stay behind. There could not be a person more unsuited for Tartarus, Nico thought. He was too bright, too loving, too gentle. The god would grind him into dust like the souls in the Acheron. 

It’s not that Nico thought his boyfriend wasn’t tough– anyone who’d seen Will as a combat medic knew just how strong he could be. It’s just that, well, Will was always trying to make things better. He was naturally optimistic and caring. Those qualities were catnip to Tartarus and its residents. Tartarus could break any demigod, but it would take special joy in tormenting a son of the sun. Will’s bright spirit would be irresistible to The Pit; it would revel in grinding him down.

Nico couldn’t let that happen.

The night before they were supposed to set out on their quest, they spent the night together in Nico’s cabin. Will looked out of place in the macabre interior, a spot of brightness glowing in the dark. It just reminded Nico he’d be a walking target in The Pit.

“You’re not going,” Nico said gently. He kissed Will’s neck to soften the blow.

Will tried to pull back, but Nico held him close.

“I want to help,” He argued.

“I can’t drag you down there with me. I can handle it, tesoro, I’m used to the darkness by now–.”

Will stiffened.

“You’re not dragging me anywhere, Sith Lord. I’m going with you. You need someone to watch your back. I won’t let you go alone.”

Nico rubbed a small circle on Will’s shoulder, the same place unspecial glowed on his.

“You don’t know what it’s like down there. I can’t expose you to that. Tartarus does… unspeakable things to your mind. It attacks your very soul. It takes everything you hate about yourself and throws it back in your face. It makes you feel like the worst possible version of yourself.”

“Then let me be there for you,” Will begged.

Nico bit his lip, trying to decide what to say. The Mansion of Night scratched at Nico’s mind. He couldn’t let it fixate on Will. It would want to smother his light.

“Will–” He started. He stopped and rolled the words around in his head again– “It’s going to be harder for you. Everything your dad represents, Tartarus is the opposite of. Everything you are, Tartarus wants to destroy. You’ll be at a disadvantage, love. It’ll probably be days without any sunlight, maybe weeks. I don’t know how long this will take.”

“You don’t think I can do it,” Will said. It wasn’t sad or angry, wasn’t a challenge– just a fact. 

Nico winced. Not enough burned on his side.

“I know you can,” He said carefully. “It’s just whether you should.”

Will pulled Nico closer to him.

“If it were about whether you should,” He said, “You wouldn’t be going at all. You’ve already been down there once. You shouldn’t have to go again.”

Nico sighed and tamped down his annoyance at Will’s mother-henning. “If it’s about should, the prophecy compels me. I have no choice– I have to go.”

“But you can let me come with you,” Will countered.

Nico sighed, and it tore from his throat a little rougher than intended. He couldn’t stop thinking about the second-to-last line of the prophecy he’d heard twelve times now.

‘ There leave something of equal value behind.’

He couldn’t leave Will. Bringing Will made that outcome a possibility, and Nico could never leave his soulmate. It would be too cruel. A light like Will’s couldn’t be put out like that. Selfishly, Nico thought, he couldn’t lose his soulmate after having him now.

“Hey,” Will said. He pulled back until they rested forehead to forehead, eye to eye. “We’re in this together. We already told Chiron. And once we get Bob back, that makes three of us right? I’ll be prepared. We got this covered.”

Nico acquiesced, burrowing deeper into Will’s chest. He didn’t want to fight with Will, especially if they were about to leave. He wanted to enjoy this peace while he could.

“Ok,” He whispered softly.

Nico tried again the next day to convince Will to stay. The Iris Message with Percy and Annabeth, though, was much less productive than he’d hoped. He wished the older demigods would tell Will to stay behind. They were older and wiser, and they knew what The Pit was like. More importantly, they knew Will. Nico had hoped they’d pull an older-cousin vibe check and tell Will he should stay at camp for his own health and wellbeing.

More importantly, Will might listen to the friends he looked up to as heroes.

Nico was out of luck. Instead of encouraging the more likely sane choice, the couple encouraged them to go together. They said they’d be stronger if they had each other.

Privately, Nico thought this was a bit of soulmate privilege. While neither of them had the same underworldly tolerance as a child of Hades, they were both equally matched to Tartarus. Percy, born of the dark, unknowable deep and the cruel wrath of the seas, had a primordial edge lurking just beneath the surface. Cunning Annabeth knew both ends of a dagger better than the back of her hand, a war goddess in her own right. They were well-matched as soulmates; they were partners in survival.

If any couple could take on Tartarus and somehow come out stronger, it was them.

Will and Nico, though? Night and day. It was part of why they worked so well together, true– Nico needed a sun to bring him back to life after years spent alone in the dark. 

But for this journey? Nico thought he might be better off alone. It was what he was used to, anyways. He was terrified of having to guard someone else’s back; he’d never had to before. Even with Reyna, he hadn’t worried. She could take care of herself far better than Nico ever could.

But Will was gentle and unsuited to the dark. He couldn’t stand the thought of blood on his hands unless he was healing the wound.

Reluctantly, Nico let Will follow him down through the Door of Orpheus. He swore to himself he’d do everything he could to protect his tesoro from harm.

Watching Will suffer through Tartarus was torture in itself. Nico ping-ponged wildly between emotions. Sometimes, he was so thankful to have his sunlight with him. Sometimes, he wanted to scream.

Will injured easily in the Underworld, unlike on the surface, and his wounds didn’t heal fast since he lacked sunlight. His cheeks hollowed out and his skin grew waxier every minute without the open sky. The wan cast to his usually-tan skin just heightened the sharpness of Nico’s soulmarks on his skin. It also made the swollen redness of infection more obvious to Nico’s eye.

The guilt ate Nico alive, seeing Will like this. Will only came down to support Nico. Who was Nico, to ask that of his soulmate? How could he allow Will to do this to himself? It was only because of Nico and his quest that Will was sick and injured like he was. Will was literally going through hell for his soulmate.

Other times, Nico wanted to scream. Will hated the Underworld so obviously, even the parts Nico loved. It didn’t matter that the Troglodytes built an entire civilization on the banks of the Styx; to Will, it was unnatural and creepy. He closed himself off from Menoetes and the gorgeous ranch he cared for. He refused to see the beauty in the spectral world below. It made Nico feel attacked. He wanted to clam up and get huffy. This was his heritage; this was his home. Will was rejecting a part of Nico in his disgust

A nasty part of Nico itched to snap at Will. If he hated it so bad down here, why did he want to come? Nico wasn’t forcing him to be here. He could turn around if he really wanted to. Honestly, if he was going to complain the whole time, Nico might actually prefer it. It was bad enough that he had to worry for Will’s safety; he couldn’t hold his hand through every chthonic stepping stone.

And then Nico felt bad again. Will was just scared. He’d never been on a quest before, let alone to the Underworld. Nico had forgotten how shocking the Underworld could be to a mortal, to someone who hadn’t seen it before.

Even worse, the line from the prophecy hung over their heads, even if they refused to speak it. Nico would not leave Will down here to die– not when he hated it here so much.

***

Will knew he wasn’t the best quest partner. No, scratch that, he knew he was a bad quest partner. He’d never been on a quest before, but he could tell in Nico’s face. He saw it in his soulmate’s body. Nico had never been able to fully shake his Italian roots (not for lack of trying), so he could be easy to read, sometimes.

Will was trying. He knew he was deadweight. He was just slowing them down. Even when he wasn’t physically dragging along, he felt like such an amateur compared to Nico. Nico knew quests– he knew the Underworld. Will was afraid of everything lurking around the corner. He was cold, tired, and uneasy all the time. He startled at every shadow on the ground, anticipating some new attack.

For all his wanting to help, he felt like he was only hurting. Will had been terrified of that prophecy; he refused to be left behind while Nico faced some unknowable danger. He wanted to support Nico through whatever may come.

He was coming to understand how naive he’d been.

Nico was right, not that Will would ever admit it– he wasn’t made for the Underworld. A piece of him was crushed that a place Nico so obviously loved felt oppressive and hostile to him. Another piece just wanted to get the heck outta dodge.

Still, it was pretty amazing to watch as Nico led them through Hades. He had friends everywhere, it seemed, or some insider knowledge. While Will held his sun globe, he caught glimpses of the moss dryads peering from cave walls or lithe, elegant women waving from poplar trees.

The moment in Persephone’s garden was a breath of fresh air in this stale cavern. It was the first spot of beauty he’d seen in so long, and the luster of the jeweled plants almost felt like little suns. Even if they were just as rocky as everything else down in this pit, they were something growing. 

Persephone herself was like the sun. She felt like springtime. Will wanted to stay and talk to her even as the guilt ate at him; she reminded him of home.

Her advice haunted Will, though. Will loved Nico so much; how was he supposed to help him? Nico had gotten better as he stayed at camp. Talking with Dionysus had helped, as had having regular social interaction with a community who actually cared about him. Still, he was so determined to hide from Will.

He drowned in his past sometimes, and his darkness. That much was evident in the words all over Will’s body. Weird. Alone. Unlovable. Cursed. Abandoned. Disappointment . Nico hadn’t gotten a new one in a while, but the old ones still lingered. He wouldn’t open up to Will about them, either, or what the memories they represented.

Will didn’t know how to help.

He felt uncomfortable hearing Perspehone’s advice, too. Will didn’t have darkness in him; he beat it out of himself when he could. ( Murderer , a voice cawed in his mind. You let your own kin die ). Still, he didn’t see how dumping it on Nico would be of any help. Honestly, the last thing Nico needed was to worry about Will or deal with his darkness. He had enough of his own to grapple with.

Will was unused to it, anyways. He’d been trying to be someone bright for others for so long… even his older siblings had called him ‘sunshine’, a nickname that fell out of use after… Well, after the Battle of Manhattan. His philosophy remained, though, and strengthened even more as he grew into his role as Head Counselor. He had to be strong for others.

Still, he turned the advice over in his head as he and Nico left the Garden. If Lady Persephone thought understanding Nico in the dark could help, Will would try. He resolved to be better moving forward.

Will almost died falling down a gods-damned hill; Nico had the clear-headedness to seek out Gorgyra in the aftermath. Will could only watch his back as he marched further onwards on his own. Will scrambled to keep up.

Nico was impossibly empathetic and kind to the river nymph. Will glowed with pride for his soulmate. For all Nico thought himself a loner or unlovable, he knew just how to connect to people. He had a keen understanding of lost souls born from experience in their wilderness.

The stories gave Will a boost. He felt himself grow lighter. The feverish pounding behind his eyes was beginning to fade as the ambrosia ran its course. Will felt small and childish as he begged Nico to keep telling him stories. He needed something, anything in this monstrous space to keep him going.

It seemed like the stories were doing Nico some good, actually. Some of the soulmarks had slipped from Will’s skin. Will was happy to see alone disappear from his hand. Even if Will was getting worse, it seemed like Nico might be getting better.

Tartarus was a collection of Will’s Greatest Hits . He couldn’t believe he’d been so stupid – leaving Nico, the Stymphalian birds, the Cynocephali. Not for the first time, Will missed his sister Rosie. He could whistle at high pitches, but she could scream and sing at supersonic. Her voice on the battlefield vaporized Telkhines and sent Cynocephali shrieking back to their regeneration blisters.

Will missed all his siblings so much . Could they tell he was down here? Had they already been reborn? He hoped they were in Elysium. No, not hoped– he knew. He could only hope to join them eventually. They may have left him behind, but he’d catch up someday.

They would be so much better on this quest than Will. Would they be proud of Will and where he is now? Or would they have expected more from him? Will can’t help the feeling that somehow, he’s fallen short.

Will shook his head to clear it. It was just the Pit again, probably. It churned away at his soul like a raging sea at a cliff face, slowly but surely eroding away.

Finding Small Bob and Nico again is a relief; Will wouldn’t be left behind. Even after all his careless mistakes, Nico still waited for him. Will felt a little pathetic falling apart so much. Somehow, he didn’t think this is what Lady Persephone meant by sharing his darkness.

Will didn’t actually remember much from the swamp. He was pretty hazy, then, just dragging himself along. His whole body hurt in some way or another. He had a scrape and a couple lacerations from falling, and a few more lacerations from claws and beaks and teeth. He was so cold, too- he couldn’t get warm, no matter how hellish the environment. Logically, Will could tell he was feverish, but his body shook and clacked with chills. The wounds and infections were local, but ambrosia overdose was systemic. Will knew he was playing with fire, but it was the only thing keeping him going.

He didn’t know if he would still enjoy Texas Sheet Cake if he made it out alive. It felt wrong in his mouth while he was so injured. The nostalgic sweetness was cloying in the heat of Tartarus.

Still, he dragged along, desperate to keep up.

The fight with Nyx was something else. Will had no idea he even had it in him– he just felt so angry, and so desperate. He just wanted to protect Nico. He couldn’t fully comprehend the reality that he just gave the Literal Embodiment of Night hay fever (and scorched her wing).

He felt a little sick. He had allowed Tartarus to bring out the worst in him. He was meant to be a healer, not an inflictor. Even the sunlight he loved so much from his Father could be a dangerous weapon. 

He was so proud of Nico, though. Nico stood his ground like an avenging angel against Nyx. The cacodemons were a shock, and they unsettled Will a little, but Will felt like glowing when Nico gave them their freedom. A lightness washed through Will, almost like relief. He sighed, welcoming the sensation after feeling so heavy for so long.

The escape was furious after that. No one wanted to stick around to continue a fight with a primordial god.

The first ray of sun on Will’s skin was like a breath of cold, fresh air after an asthma attack. He had felt the lack , but the sudden plenty was overwhelming. It made his chest sore and his head spin.

It also made something starkly clear to Will– his soulmarks had been stripped from his skin. Will panicked, checking every inch of his arms and body. His skin was unnaturally, sickly pale. The blank canvas stretched over his body, devoid of any cruel words or jagged black marks.

Will glanced over to where nico slept in the bottom of the canoe, nestled in with– his cacodemons. The cocoa puffs. The physical manifestations of all his worst feelings and his darkest moments.

Isolation. Shame. Jealousy. Guilt. Sadness. Grief . 

All Nico’s trauma, made into absurdly plush little shadow creatures without his knowledge or consent. If Will thought about the violation too much, it made him uneasy, but Nico seemed fine with the little monsters, so Will guessed he was, too. He’d take care of them, he promised, just as he’d taken care of Nico’s soulmarks all these years.

Will fought down a sense of abandonment. He swallowed thickly and faced back out at the coast passing by. He was happy for Nico, he really was. It seemed like Nico had found a way to face his demons and live with them, even if they hadn’t ever addressed them when they’d lived on Will’s skin.

Will felt strangely empty at the thought, and useless. What was a soulmate for, if not to hold the worst parts of yourself for you? What was he here for, now?

Guilt swirled in his gut for even entertaining these thoughts. He should be happy– they’d just escaped Tartarus! They’d gone on an impossible quest and succeeded. Nico had resisted the primordial being who hunted his very soul and come out stronger because of it.

Will just wasn’t used to seeing his skin bare and white as snow.

***

In probably the most ironic gesture of Nico’s entire life, the trip to Tartarus had done him good. Nico felt more settled now, and more at peace. He knew he wouldn’t be all better– healing wasn’t linear in nature, as Will had told him many times. There was no simple fix.

Still, he felt more connected to himself. He’d returned, saved Bob, and faced down his inner demons in the process. Surprisingly, his inner demons were cuddly little things that hung around like affectionate pets.

Nico had been shocked when he woke up in the canoe– they’d survived. He’d wiped bittersweet tears from his eyes as he remembered his reunion with his family. The Overworld seemed more welcoming now than it had before; the coastline rushed past in dark, cool gray outcroppings topped with beautiful forest against the bright blue sky.

Most shocking, though, was his soulmate. Will looked a little better from the sunlight already, although he was still far too pale, and he still had injuries to be treated. The thing that startled Nico was how… young he looked. Even sickly, he seemed less mature and less strong. He just looked tired as he stared out over the water. It took a second for Nico to realize why– Will’s black soulmarks were gone.

Every horrible thing Nico thought about himself had disappeared. Nico was stunned for a moment before he realized– The Cocoa Puffs . One with big eyes and little feline ears nuzzled into Nico’s cheek. Nyx had freed Will from Nico’s curses on his body. Will didn’t have to hide the marks anymore or live with people’s stares. Nico’s chest flooded with tender relief for his soulmate.

Things were getting better. Nico was eating more and getting regular sleep. He was talking to Mr. D about his past and the experiences of Tartarus. The only thing that worried him, though, was the new wash of gold over his chest.

The day after they returned from Tartarus, Nico changed out of his dirty quest t-shirt into something clean and soft. However, he couldn’t help but notice the new worlds that sprawled over his abdomen. The original three were still there, of course: useless, unspecial, and not enough . They’d deepened to a stronger, yellower color like mustard gas. Murderer was back.

Nico couldn’t help but think of the moment on the Acheron when Will had cried out. He’d believed the voices whispering to him in the dark. The worst, the one that haunted Will the most, was the idea that he’d been responsible for letting Octavian die. Nico thought he’d talked Will through it enough, but the mark stayed branded on Nico’s skin.

Not just murderer came back, though– it looked like every soulmark that had ever disappeared from Nico’s body was back with a vengeance. Some of the words Nico couldn’t recall seeing before.

Annoying. Deadweight. Judgemental. Weak – and that one looked angry, larger and more inflamed than many others– needy, slow, burden, liar, careless, selfish, naive, arrogant, childish. Nico’s heart cracked as he leaned over his hip and read ‘ bad soulmate ’.

The gold words scribbled all over Nico’s chest, back, and stomach. They were small, but there were so many, Nico couldn’t read them all. They wove a thick tapestry over Nico’s skin, but they were easily covered. Nico frowned. Something about that felt so off to him.

He finished redressing with a lump in his throat. Tartarus was hard on anyone, but it was especially hard on Will. It shouldn’t be surprising that it dragged out some of Will’s worst feelings about himself. It still caught Nico off guard that Will was so afraid Nico would leave him behind.

That night, the boys slept together in Will’s room with the Cocoa Puffs piled on top of them. Will needed the safety of the Apollo cabin, and they had privacy since Austin and Kayla had gone home. Nico debated whether he should ask Will about the marks on his chest, but he ultimately decided against it.

His soulmarks usually faded, after all. Nico would give him some time to recover and rest. Hopefully then, they would fade away.

However, weeks after their return, the marks persisted. Nico made a full recovery from Tartarus, surpassing his wellbeing from before he went down the first time. He hadn’t felt this alive in a long time. As autumn chilled to winter, Nico felt content. He loved the changing of the leaves at Camp Half-Blood. He enjoyed bonfires at night and the way the flames crackled and glowed in the dark. He even loved the Cocoa Puffs, although it took time to learn each of their personalities and needs. 

Will loved them, too. He was especially gentle with them, even though Nico caught him looking at them with a bittersweet look in his eyes. The little cyclops fluffball that contained Nico’s isolation especially loved Wil, and the one that bore his shame often tagged behind. They were practically inseparable, these days.

Will had grown, too. He had a newfound understanding of Nico and more patience with listening than instantly trying to fix. Nico appreciated it. He felt relieved, in a way, that they could talk about things more openly.

At least, they could in Nico’s case. Will had grown as a listener, but Nico noticed he was talking less and less. Nico tried sometimes to reach out subtly– Will always brushed him off with a smile. Nico was learning to hate that. Tartarus had made Will more receptive as a partner, but more distant as a person. He was always willing to help Nico, but it seemed like he’d shut up tighter since their return. ‘

Will slept more, and sometimes he needed to be on his own. He used to talk all the time, but he was much more in his head lately. If Nico got his attention, he always snapped back into an easygoing smile. He acted like he was alright since he’d returned to the sun. He would admit things were hard or Tartarus was bad, but leave it at that with a close-lipped smile. Nico couldn’t get through to him.

After a few weeks, Nico realized he couldn’t let that slide. The words on his skin had settled, some fading in the aftermath, but many remaining and some growing deeper.

Nico had been a coward before about facing down their soulmarks. He’d been too afraid and too ashamed to see the marks on Will’s skin. All along, Will had only wanted to help him. Now it was time for Nico to help Will. He’d confronted his own demons, but Will was still in the dark about his since Tartarus. It was time.

Nico had to put his money where his mouth was about the whole ‘growing with hard things’.

Will toweled his hair dry as he walked out of Nico’s shower. He’d had a long day. He’d been doing online high school, and he worked with Chiron on his swordplay in the evening while Nico hung out with Mr. D. 

Nico admired his boyfriend, cute and comfortable in a Keep Austin Weird tshirt and sweatpants.

Nico held his arm out.

“Come here,” He said. His heart was crashing in his throat.

Will frowned.

“Everything okay?” He asked.

Nico took a breath to steel his nerves.

“Actually,” He said, “There’s something I want to talk to you about.”

Will’s eyes softened, but still held that look of concern.

“Yeah, anything. What’s up?” He asked.

Will sat down and held his arms open for Nico to lay on his chest. Nico lowered one of Will’s hands before sitting back on his heels. Before he could lose his nerve, he pulled his black tshirt over his head.

Will laughed softly. “Y’know, you can just tell me if you want to move things–”

Will trailed off. His eyes darted over the gold on Nico’s chest.

“I think we need to talk about these,” Nico whispered. “They’ve been getting worse since Tartarus.”

Will blanched. Isolation nuzzled his arm, and Shame followed, but Will refused to budge, ignoring them.

“I don’t understand,” He said, “Have they always…”

He trailed off, looking more than a little disarmed.

“There haven’t always been this many,” Nico sighed. “Actually, I thought you were a ghost for a while, because they came and went. I didn’t get it until I met you. You’ll believe things in the moment, but you usually brush it off. I only had three permanent ones, before. Then, when we came back after rescuing Bob… there were more. I thought it was because of the Pit, and you might shake it off, but… you haven’t really recovered, have you?”

Will seemed frozen in place.

“Nico,” He tried, and his voice came out shaky.

Nico scooted up against the headboard and pulled Will to lean against him. He carded through Will’s golden curls gently.

“I didn’t know you believed all this about yourself,” He breathed.

“I didn’t. It’s just the Pit,” Will tried. He tried to sit up again, but Nico held him to his chest.

“You always wanted to do this for me,” Nico said gently. “And I wasn’t ready. But I am now. I want to do this for you. I spent so long afraid to face my own demons, but I feel better sharing them with you.”

Will laughed thickly.

“We don’t share them anymore,” He said. Nico tried not to wince from the sudden bitterness in it, something he’d never heard from Will before. “Nyx yanked your soulmarks off my skin when she made the Cocoa Puffs. You faced those all on your own, y’know? You didn’t need me for that. And that’s okay! It’s healthy. I’m so proud of you for that, Nico, I know–”

Nico gently pressed a finger to Will’s lips.

“Shh, tesoro. The marks may not be there, but you still take care of my soul. Every day, you are so kind to my demons. They feel safe around you. There’s a reason you’re their favorite. Each one of them, you treat with love and care. You hold them, comfort them, accept them for what they are. That’s more important to me than magic words on skin,” Nico said. He felt a little silly saying it, but as he spoke, he realized it was true.

Will looked like he was about to cry. He nodded shakily.

Nico leaned back, examining his face. He frowned.

“Will,” He asked, “Has this been worrying you?”

Will couldn’t meet Nico’s eyes.

Nico sighed. 

He pulled Will’s head back to his chest and carded a hand through his hair.

“ Isolation ,” He said, and the cyclops fluffball shoved its way under Will’s chin affectionately.

Will laughed as he made room for it.

“For so long, I thought I was on my own.” Nico bit his lip. He spoke carefully, taking time so it wouldn’t consume him. It was always harder to find the right words when he was upset, especially in English.

Will stilled.

“It was hard on me, growing up. First, we had to leave Italy. Then, I was starting to realize I was a little… different… from most boys my age. The Lotus. I… lost Bianca, too. It was so sudden. It was like I lost everything, and no one else could understand. A lot of people were scared of me, too, because of my father. For a long time I thought I was better off alone. I didn’t think I… deserved to have people around me, and I always felt like the odd one out, anyway,” Nico stumbled through, trying to be quick but sincere.

Will lifted his hand and kissed it sweetly. “I know,” He whispered. “I had unlovable between my hips . Cursed. Alone . Others, too. I never believed it, not for one second, but I knew you did, honey. It tore me up inside, but I didn’t wanna scare you off.”

Nico bit his lip. He hadn’t put a name to the exact feelings, so hearing Will say the words so reverently was a punch to the gut.

Nico breathed in evenly. He lifted Will’s hand to pet Isolation .

“I have people now. You, Hazel and Reyna, your siblings, everyone here at camp. Even the Seven. You helped me realize that. So, gratzi , mio sole ,” Nico whispered into Will’s hair.

“ Jealousy. Shame .” 

The smoky blob of jealousy forced Isolation out from its spot and roosted under Will’s chin. Shame rubbed its catlike face against Nico’s cheek.

“These ones go hand and hand. Shame, obviously, because when I grew up it wasn’t… allowed, to feel things for other boys. Romantically, I mean. I lived with that fear that I was broken somehow. Even after I got used to modern day, I was afraid it would cost me the only people I had left. If Percy knew I had a crush on him, would he leave me?”

Nico paused to rub between Shame ’s ears.

“But at the same time, I was sick with jealousy for him and Annabeth. I wanted what they had. I was jealous of all the regular soulmates who were ‘normal’ and got to be in love. I was jealous of anyone, really, who had a ‘normal’ childhood or even a ‘normal’ godly parent. I didn’t get to have that, you know? I just wanted to belong. I was so ashamed of my father, of being something out of darkness… it was all tied up in each other.”

Nico waved his hand awkwardly in a gesture.

“Jason Grace, actually…” Nico faltered. He still missed Jason so much. Jason never had to be as nice to Nico as he was, or even as close. But he’d decided early on and never backed down. Nico would always be grateful to him for that. Even more, though, Nico missed his friend. Jason Grace was a stand-up guy, and secretly funny, too, in an offhand way. He should’ve had a long, blessed life.

Will traced gentle fingers over Nico’s chest.

“It’s okay,” He whispered gently. Nico knew that was Will’s way of saying ‘it’s okay to be sad’ or ‘it’s okay if you don’t feel like talking’, where once it had meant, ‘it’s alright now, he’s in a better place, you don’t have to be sad’.

Nico sighed. “Well, it was Jason who first… accepted me.” He left it at that.

Will nodded in understanding and didn’t offer anything else. Nico thought he might share some of the soulmarks he’d carried in return, but stayed grimly quiet. There was a fine set to his lips that looked like something he was holding back. 

Nico let him.

Grief and Sadness settled in the crook of Nico’s knees. They weren’t the most affectionate of the cocoa puffs. Grief preferred to be by itself (which meant it had to be gently coaxed out sometimes), and Sadness was a skittish, mournful thing.

Still, Will reached down to ghost a hand over each. He caressed Grief ’s tiny antlers.

“So much has happened in my life,” Nico started. “So many people have left. Sometimes it is… overwhelming, no? When I lost Bianca, when I lost Jason… It hits me hard. Because I’ve had so few people in my life, losing any of them makes it that much harder. I can visit them sometimes or talk to them, but they don’t always stay, and they don’t have their own lives to catch up on anymore. And for a long time, I didn’t know how to live with it. But you learn every day. You honor the dead and remember them. It helps to talk about it and share it with someone. ”

Nico thought back to his final conversation with his mother and Bianca, a gift from his father as they left the Underworld. He voice thickened with emotion.

“I have learned, too, which was the hardest part… that the dead like for us to keep living. Our loved ones just want us to be happy. They are proud.”

A guarded look drew over Will’s face. He looked close to tears, but like he was walling it off. Nico held him tighter.

Lastly, Nico gestured to Guilt puddled at the foot of the bed by itself. It was hot and cold, sometimes desperate for attention, but sometimes withdrawn and sullen.

“ Guilt ,” Nico said. “I have done things I am not proud of. I’ve done… so many stupid things in my life–”

“Nico–” Will sat up. He looked him fiercely in the eyes. “You were just a kid. You went through more than most people will in their lives, and then you still did the right thing, even when–”

Nico pressed his hand to Will’s shoulder, and Will quieted. His jaw flexed subtly. As much as Will listened to Nico, now, he was still the healer and comforter at heart.

“I know,” Nico said softly. “I know that now. That is what I’m trying to live with.”

Will nodded. He settled back against Nico’s chest.

“I’m proud of you,” He whispered. He drew shapes on Nico’s bicep with his fingertips. 

Nico swallowed back tears. He felt hollowed out inside, and he thought he might be shaking. It was a lot to offer your demons to your soulmate by name.

They rested in the quiet for a second.

“Thank you,” Will said. “I know that must’ve been hard.” He ducked his face so Nico couldn’t see his eyes.

Nico started slowly, piecing the words together as they came. 

“You’re not any less my soulmate because you don’t have my… traumas on you anymore. I’m so… relieved for you, tesoro. Because for so long, it was this thing about us that no one really acknowledged. I mean, I certainly didn’t. But I know it was probably hard to grow up with all those marks from me,” He said.

Will shook his head. “It’s alright. I just worried about you. I was glad to have them, though. I was so thankful you were alive. I wanted to carry that for you.”

“You did,” Nico promised. “You carried all those things about me until I could carry them myself. You reached out to me so I felt less alone. You knew exactly how to get me to stay. These demons are mine, yeah, but they’re yours, too, if you still want them. Only difference is we can keep them together this time.”

Will smiled gently, a real smile like the first warm day in the spring.

“Thanks,” He said simply. “You don’t owe me an explanation, you know, just because the Fates made us soulmates, but… it helps. It makes me feel better, like I know you better.”

Nico nodded. They relaxed back into each other. Will pulled Nico down to lay beside him, and they cuddled absently with the Cocoa Puffs.

Talking like that always left Nico drained; it didn’t take long before he fell asleep.

Will woke with the sun, so he had slipped out the door before Nico was up. He’d left a kitkat on Nico’s nightstand, something so ridiculously affectionate it made Nico blush and slap his palms to his face. He was so in love, he didn’t know what to do with it.

The slap startled the Grief cocoa puff slightly. Nico brushed a hand over its antlers apologetically. He did a quick head count and came up with four. Isolation and Shame were missing, so they probably went with Will.

Nico remembered the night before, and going through each of the cocoa puffs. He was kind of amazed, actually, that he didn’t feel completely wasted. Usually, talking like that left him wrung-out for hours or even until the next morning.

He couldn’t help but feel frustrated, though, when he thought back over things. The whole point of trying to talk last night had been to get Will to open up. Granted, he hadn’t known Will was so upset about losing Nico’s soulmarks. It hadn’t occurred to him that he might be anything other than excited to start over with a blank slate. He hadn’t thought Will might miss them.

Nico couldn’t believe Will had doubts about how important he was to him, but maybe he should’ve seen it coming. He vaguely remembered Will confessing his fear that Nico might leave him in Tartarus. Nico traced the soulmarks over his shirt. Deadweight . Not enough .

He brought it up to Mr. D in their next session.

“Nicky, come in,” Mr. D. said amiably. Nico rolled his eyes; Mr. D. knew his name, but he still liked to joke around.

Nico settled himself on the couch in Mr. D.’s office.

“How’ve you been this past week?” Mr. D asked. “Not much going on around here, but eh, you never know.”

“I talked to Will,” Nico said. He adjusted so he sat up a bit more. Sadness huddled next to him, and Guilt slumped at the far end of the couch like a deflated balloon. He’d let the others be free to go back home to Cabin Thirteen or wander. Only Sadness and Guilt wanted to come to his session today (Nico tried not to think too hard about that).

“Romance troubles, how fascinating,” Mr. D. snarked dismissively. “You do know I am not a relationship counselor? You may want to seek another god for that, probably Anteros. Hera, perhaps, or Aphrodite.”

Nico sighed and rubbed a hand over his eyes. He gestured with his hand as he gathered his thoughts.

“I talked to him last night about our soulmarks. His have gotten worse on me since coming back from Tartarus, but mine have disappeared from him. We think it’s because the Cocoa Puffs.”

Nico petted Guilt affectionately.

“Hmm,” Mr. D. harumphed. He checked back over his conjured notes. Nico almost laughed. He couldn’t decide if he was more amused or irritated.

He’d talked to Dionysus about their soulmarks once briefly, but the topic faded into the background compared to Nico’s trips to Tartarus, his recurring nightmare sequences, and all the other miseries he lived through. He forgot some events sometimes, and they popped back in his memories like soap bubbles.

It had been a while since Nico had an issue with his soulmarks. The last time they’d discussed it, Nico had just discovered the Son of Hades circling Will’s wrist. He hadn’t felt worthy. He didn’t understand how Will could be his soulmate, or how he could know and still accept Nico.

Now, Nico knew he was enough. He wasn’t perfect, but no one was, even Will.

“Will was kinda upset about his words being gone. I didn’t realize, I guess. I thought he would be relieved to have them gone,” Nico said.

Dionysus crossed his legs where he was sitting. “Mortals are always so strange,” He said. “I remember being one of you pissant demigods, sometimes. You know, before I was the glorious being you see before you. I had soulmarks like you. Ampelos’ when I was young, and then my Ariadne. Always thought it was kinda hokey. Who wants to love only a few people forever? But I understood in time, when Ariadne let me be free. She’s a dimepiece, that one.”

Nico cocked his head and gestured for Dionysus to continue. He cracked a new can of Diet coke and took a long swig.

“Ahhh,” He sighed. “My son was a real one for these. Anyways, Ariadne has my words on her body. Loveliest purple, like Chardonnay grapes. I asked if she wanted them removed when I deified her, and she said no. She liked them the way they were. When that dandiprat Theseus stranded her on Naxos, she refused to give up hope. She knew she had a soulmate, still, somewhere in the world. So she couldn’t let herself die.”

Nico froze. Dionysus twirled his vine-green gel glitter pen absentmindedly.

“Anyways, later on, she said they helped her get inside my mind. She’s the goddess of labyrinths, did you know that? And paths. I think we get along swell, madness and mazes. So she told me once her soulmarks were her path or ball of string through my mind. And let me tell you, Rico, that’s no cereal-box maze. Capisce?”

Mr. D. tilted his head, and Nico shivered as those purple eyes fixed on him. He thought he understood the point. He nodded.

“We talked through it a little,” Nico told him. “I showed him each of the Puffs and told him a little about them. It made him feel better, I think. I told him they were his as much as they were mine if he wanted them.”

His face burned a little, but he learned a while ago to move past being embarrassed in these sessions with Mr. D. He could always tell when Nico held things back, too.

Mr. D.’s eyebrow quirked. 

“You mortals are typically an annoying, monotonous bunch, but sometimes you astound me.”

“Thanks,” Nico huffed. He faltered for a second.

Dionysus’ eyes fixed on him, sharply lucid.

“And…?”

Nico fidgeted.

“Well, the reason I brought it all up in the first place is because of Will. I don’t think he’s… doing well, since Tartarus. I have new words all over my body, words that… shouldn’t be there. I know they’re from Tartarus. And they’ve only gotten worse,” Nico played with the coin Will gave him.

“I tried to talk to him about them last night, but I’m not good at starting those kind of conversations. It comes to Will so naturally. I feel bad because I meant to help him, but I only ended up talking about myself.”

Guilt rolled over to hide its yellow eyes. Dionysus eyed it with an odd fascination that never failed to make Nico squirm.

“Well, tragically for you mortals, you can’t read each other’s minds, and you’re all stupidly bad at communicating. Like I said, your Richard may have needed that reassurance. Or he’s diverting to the more distant issue. It’s still a bother to him like a poison ivy rash, but much less personal to deal with than hemorrhoids,” Dionysus said. He twirled his Diet Coke can so it filled up again.

Nico wanted to die. Or melt. Or scream. He preferred Dionysus’ crass treatment sometimes over the Freudian woo-woo shrink stereotype or mad-doctor torturers he’d heard of growing up, but he could be a little much, sometimes. It was in his nature to be irreverent.

It’d taken Nico a long time to come around to the idea of therapy. Back in his younger days, nutcases were secreted away to asylums. They were treated with shock therapy and hydrotherapy. So, Nico had been… hesitant, to say the least, about seeing any kind of shrink (especially a godly one).

Therapy definitely wasn’t fun , but it had been helpful, he’d found. Mr. D. had good points sometimes as an expert in the giving and taking and all kinds of madness. The one he’d just made, for example.

“So, you’re saying Will meant to… what? Distract me?” Nico gestured frustratedly. He played with the coin necklace.

“Maybe not meant to, but who knows what goes on in your tiny minds. Why does anyone do anything?” Mr. D. asked archly.

Nico growled.

“So what do you suggest? I can tell something is upsetting Will. I can see his words on my body. He’s been different since we came back. He sleeps more, and he’s… distant from me. I grew up alone, mostly. I don’t know how to have these conversations. I certainly didn’t want them,” Nico confessed.

He felt like a bad partner for this. Will shouldn’t have to do all the heavy lifting, but Nico didn’t know how to reach him.

Dionysis lounged back. Even in late fall, he wore a gaudy tiger-striped hawaiian-style shirt with cargo shorts and birkenstocks over his socks.

“Billiam should come see me. I should have picked his brain as soon as he came back from Gruncle Tartarus. I may have journeyed to the Underworld as a callow godling, but even I did not go that far. He might have a measly insight of interest to me, or some madness for me to clear up. But never mind that, I’ll take that up with him. Know there are some things you can’t help him with, just as he couldn’t help you,” Dionysus mused.

Nico scowled.

“That’s it? There’s nothing I can do?”

Dionysus looked offended.

“Now, I didn’t go saying that, bone lord or whatever you call yourself. You presume to put words in the mouth of a god?”

Nico sputtered and gestured frantically.

Mr. D. laughed.

“No, there are some things that should be left to professionals, but there is always something we can do for our loved ones. It may be staying with them, it may be giving them space. The strangely endearing nuisance about any being is that we are always needing something,” Mr. D. said. 

He mused over his Diet Coke. “Try again with your Wallace. If he does not respond, he may need time. He may need something else. He may need to work through this madness with me. As my Ariadne says, one dead end is another path learned. Turn around and take another.”

Nico nodded. He was determined now, but at peace about it, somehow.

“Now,” Mr. D. said, stopping to chug the rest of his Diet Coke. “Ahhh. Now. Anything else interesting? We can talk about your boyfriend more if you’d like, but I’m always interested in your nightmares. They give me the best ideas.”

Before he even realized, Nico’s mouth had twitched into a smile. 

Will was a hard man to catch. He took his food back to the Big House at supper to finish his online work for the day. Nico ate with Chiron and Mr. D. at the pavilion. He’d been experimenting a little with what the plates could come up with. It was easier to eat when the food was something interesting. Will came up with suggestions sometimes, from Southern comfort dishes to gyros or charcuterie he snacked off of the entire time. Kayla and Austin offered suggestions, too, whenever they IM’ed (Nico trusted Austin’s taste a lot more than Kayla’s).

Nico looked for Will after dinner to have a campfire or something, but he found Will still in the Big House, hunched over the massive desktop computer from the 90’s Chiron kept around. Will rubbed at his eyes frustratedly. The lights were out in the office/study//records room except for a desk lamp and the massive glowing monitor. Paragraphs of shifting black words marched across the screen with a couple small diagrams inset. 

Nico softened as he watched Will frown over the text. Will was smart and he liked to read for fun, so it was easy to forget his dyslexia, sometimes.

“Tough stuff?” He asked.

Will startled, then looked up at Nico with one of those easy smiles.

“Just a lot to read. I’ve got an online test tomorrow to study for. I don’t know how late I’ll be up, so I may stay in my Cabin tonight. I don’t wanna wake you up.”

Nico might be frustrated or hurt, but Will couldn’t help having a Biology test. Nico exhaled deeply, breathing out some of the feelings like Mr. D. had taught him. Acknowledge them, then let them pass.

“Okay,” He said. He walked over to stand behind Will and run his hands over his shoulders. Nico was still new to affection, but he knew Will thrived on it.

“Good luck on your test, tesoro . You’re gonna do great.” Nico said. He didn’t know if it would be helpful at all. He kissed the top of Will’s head.

“Thanks,” Will said faintly. It sounded almost like a dismissal. Nico squeezed Will’s shoulder. He hoped it was more encouraging than awkward.

He looked down at Will’s painstakingly copied notes in different colors. Some words had been crossed out and re-written in. Terms and definitions had been highlighted or carefully underlined. Will was making color-coded flashcards.

He hugged Will’s shoulders from behind.

“I’m so proud of you,” He said.

Will leaned his head back.

“Thank you,” He whispered, but it felt more solid this time. Nico stayed like that for a second before he retreated.

“I’ll be at my place if you need me,” He said. He flicked the lamp on by the door to give Will more light.

“Good night.”

Nico woke up alone in his cabin except for the Puffs. Will must’ve slept in his own cabin. Nico patrolled Camp and did odd chores while Will studied for his test later that afternoon.

Will had been a year-rounder since he was eleven, Nico knew, so he was kind of impressed Will wanted to complete high school. Chiron ran educational programs as best he could, but it was far from a standard or continuous education. Some campers like Annabeth and Will were driven, though, so they took correspondence or online classes. 

Nico had given up, basically. There wasn’t exactly time to learn English, Geography, or Algebra during quests, labyrinths, and wars. He learned by experience. At first, he hadn’t thought he’d live long enough for it to matter. Now, though, he figured he’d find a place in New Rome somehow. He could always just work for his dad. He had plenty of time to figure it out.

Will wasn’t present at lunch, but he showed up for supper. He sat down heavily next to Chiron. He smiled thinly and his plate conjured up mac n’ cheese, spoon rolls, brisket, and collard greens– comfort food from a childhood down south he barely remembered.

“William,” Chiron said kindly. “How was your test?”

Will’s smile looked a little more real.

“I got an A on the multiple choice part,” He said, “But I’m still waiting to hear back on the short-answer part.”

“Congratulations,” Chiron said, “That’s wonderful, my boy.”

Dionysus sipped his Diet Coke can and rolled his eyes.

“Back in the good old days, we didn’t get silly letters for academic performance. Learning happened through experience and debate. If you couldn’t defend your point, you were mocked ruthlessly by your teacher. Plato actually suplexed his students, you know,” Mr. D. said wistfully.

Nico was glad some godly curse prevented Dionysus from suplexing his campers.

“Or we taught swordplay and healing much how we do now,” Chiron added. “With no suplexing, I must say. Young demigods were sent to me in their early childhoods, and they trained with me until they were fit to make their way in the world. I raised a few babies, even.”

His eyes crinkled softly at the edges.

Sometimes, Nico forgot how old Chiron really was.

After they finished, Nico followed Will up from the table.

“Hey, are you done with school now?” He asked.

Will nodded.

“Today’s Friday, and I’ve got everything else done. That test was my last assignment for the weekend. I think I’m gonna IM Kayla and Austin, check up on them.”

“Okay,” Nico said. He squeezed Will’s hand. “Come find me after, or I’ll come find you.”

Nico did some swordplay drills on his own for a while. He was focusing more on defense. In the past, his strategy had mostly been to overwhelm the opponent to end a fight as fast as possible. Since Tartarus, though, he was learning to protect himself and others he might have with him.

He was much better since he released his demons and started regular sessions with Mr. D., but thoughts of Tartarus occasionally ambushed him. Sometimes, when he looked at Will, he remembered his lip split and his gold hair bloody. God, if Nico and Amphithemis hadn’t found Will when they had, he might’ve been–

It nagged at him. Will wasn’t Weak like he thought– he gave the primordial embodiment of Night hay fever for gods’ sakes– but Nico couldn’t bear the thought of anything happening to him again.

Nico showered after and left for Will’s cabin. It was cold since the sun set, so Nico fought the temptation to shadow travel the distance. He made a beeline for the Apollo cabin, though, a beacon in the dark. He knocked at the heavy oak door before entering anyway without waiting for an answer.

He made his way to the back of the cabin where Will’s bunk was. He passed Kayla’s and Austin’s bunks, still decorated with string lights, pictures, and posters. A few other bunks were decorated, too, some long out of use.

As bright as the Cabin was outside, it was always soft and comfortable inside. Will had left a lamp and a nightlight lit. He’d turned his string lights on inside his bunk. They twinkled around the collage on Will’s wall.

A VIP backstage pass for a Naomi Solace concert was pinned to a signed Naomi Solace tour poster. Mini posters of Netter’s Anatomy drawings with notes from Apollo were mixed in with pictures of Will with Nico, Will and Kayla, and other campers. A couple of older pictures showed Will when he was younger, a few feet shorter than the older siblings beside him. In the midst, a terrible marker doodle of an animal labeled olifant was signed by Gracie.

Will laid face-up on his bed, his elbow thrown over his eyes.

“Will?” Nico whispered. He fidgeted with his coin talisman. If Will was asleep, he’d leave.

Will rolled over a little and peeked out from under his elbow.

“Nico,” He said, “Hey.” He yawned.

“What’s up?”

Nico twisted the hem of his tshirt in his hands.

“How are Kayla and Austin?” He asked.

Will moved over on the bunk, so Nico sat down beside him.

“I, uh. Fell asleep,” Will said, “After dinner. So I didn’t end up calling them.”

He wouldn’t meet Nico’s eyes.

Nico softened sadly. He reached for Will’s hand and laced their fingers together, then carded a hand through Will’s hair.

“It’s been a tough week for you,” Nico acknowledged. “How do you feel?”

“Better,” Will said lightly. “I think the nap helped a lot.”

He sat up against the headboard. He wore an ancient, faded-out Paramore shirt, the neckline of which revealed his collarbone. It was a size or two too big, but the neckline had been stretched from wear.

Oh .

“This was Lee’s, right?” Nico asked. He tugged at the hem softly.

Will looked down at the shirt and bit his lip.

“Yeah.”

Nico scooted farther in to sit with Will. He reached out his hand, and Grief hopped up off the floor. It settled in Will’s lap and headbutted his chin affectionately.

Will looked surprised for a second; his face fell into something soft and bittersweet. He petted Grief between its antlers like a favorite dog.

“Do you know if Lee’s in Elysium?” He asked quietly.

Nico thought about what to say, then settled on the truth.

“I’m not sure,” He said, “But I can ask. I can look for him next time. Do you think he is?”

Will gazed into Grief ’s round yellow eyes.

“Yeah,” He said softly. “I think he is. Unless he chose reincarnation or went to the Isles of the Blest. He was a hero, you know? As a kid, he was my hero. Michael too, and Rosie. Little Gracie, I hope. She was so kind, Nico. She was… she was too young.”

Nico rubbed his thumb in circles over Will’s hand like Will had always done for him.

Nico hadn’t known the other Apollo campers beyond seeing their faces here and there. It was too easy to forget the fact that Will had lost siblings, too.

“The judges know how to weigh these things. They have their own system. They hate to see kids die young, so they’ll be more understanding. But your siblings were good people, Will. They were heroes. You’ll see them again someday,” Nico promised.

Will laughed softly, a bitter huff just to himself. His face flashed, darkly amused for a second, before returning to something more peaceful.

Nico frowned.

“What?” He asked. He tugged on Will’s sleeve. “You don’t think you’ll see them again?”

“Nothing,” Will promised with a smile. “Don’t worry about it.” He squeezed Nico’s hand.

Nico took a deep breath and steeled himself. He didn’t want to be rough, but he might have to be stern. He remembered his conversation with Dionysus; maybe Will didn’t need space to work through things on his own like Nico. Maybe he needed someone up close.

“I do worry about it,” Nico said, “Just like you worry for me.”

Will put his face in his hands and rubbed at it harshly. He breathed a deep sigh.

“I’m not like you or Percy or Jason, okay? I’m not like Michael or Lee. Gods, Rosie was something fierce, you know? Terrible with a bow but scary with throwing knives. She did her eyeliner with a dagger in the mornings. But I’m not like y’all. Y’all all are heroes. I’m just a healer. I can’t fight or protect anyone. I’m just kinda here for the aftermath,” Will said.

Nico drew back and stared at Will in horror. Words from Taratrus echoed back in his brain, cued by Will’s confession. A spot burned on Nico’s side, and he knew it was not enough .

“Is that what you think?” He asked.

The rawness of Will’s expression shuddered closed. He was back to a pleasant, polite expression that Nico had learned was Will’s most common bluff.

“It’s okay, you know, I’ve made peace with it,” Will said. “I know I’m not a strong fighter. I’m sorry, by the way. I was horrible in the Pit. I don’t think we ever talked about it. I’m just not cut out to be a hero. I’ll probably go to– to asphodel.”

Will sat back on his hands with an easy expression on his face. Nico might’ve fallen for that openness in the past, even before Tartarus, but now… Nico felt ill.

He was gone again, hiding behind that sun-warmth he exuded. That same summer feeling washed over Nico’s chest and side as certain soulmarks appeared or grew deeper.

“ Mio sole ,” Nico said, “That’s not… You were amazing in Tartarus. I couldn’t have done it without you. You went down into the toughest place in the universe with me just so I wouldn’t be alone. That’s very heroic, Will. When we were fighting Nero, you stood up to armies to protect your dad and I. How is that not heroic?”

Will turned his head down. Nico tried to catch his eye, but he kept them turned away.

“And you know what? Being a healer is heroic. I’ve seen you, Will. You save so many lives. You saved my life. How is that not heroic?” Nico asked.

Will played with Nico’s skull ring on its chain.

“I can’t save everyone, Nico. And even if I could, I can’t prevent anyone from hurting in the first place,” Will said tiredly.

“You think that’s going to keep you out of Elysium?” Nico asked gently. “No one can save everyone, Will, it’s in the hands of the Fates. You can’t keep everyone from pain. It’s a miracle that you heal them after.”

Will buried his face in Grief ’s, avoiding Nico by nuzzling into the plush little shadow.

Something burned on Nico’s chest, but his blood ran cold. He knew that mark. He knew that spot. Nico touched his hand over the word murderer on his chest.

“Will,” Nico said. He cleared his throat and tried to swallow back the tears that threatened his eyes. “You are not a murderer.”

Will froze.

“Octavian made his own choices,” Nico said. “He engineered his own downfall. The Fates decided it was time for his life to end. That’s not on your hands.”

“I should’ve said something,” Will said. “I should’ve stopped him.”

Nico sighed.

“He might not have listened to you if you did. The Fates would have found some other way for him to die, anyway. His death was not your fault.”

Will sat back up and swiped roughly at his eyes, then covered his face with his hands.

“I can’t get it out of my head,” He whispered.

Nico’s heart broke. He hadn’t seen Will cry since Tartarus. Even then, Will’s breakdown had been the only time Nico ever saw him shed tears.

“I know,” He said, “But it’s Tartarus, too. Tartarus… changes you. It’s meant to break you down.”

“It’s been six weeks since we got back, Nico,” Will said. “I should be fine by now.”

He tugged at his hair with one hand.

Nico’s stomach flipped, and he took a deep breath. This was it.

“Will, it’s not something you just move on from. It’s… going to be with you for the rest of your life. Things will get better, but it will always be a part of you. It’s not something mortal minds are meant to live with,” Nico said. He parrotted some of the things Mr. D. had told him.

Will lifted his head; his eyes were a little red.

“I’m sorry,” He said, “No, of course not. And gods, Nico, you’ve been through twice. I didn’t mean to–”

Nico rested a hand on Will’s knee.

“I just meant that you’ve been amazing in supporting me through it, but I don’t think you have let yourself grieve.”

Will’s eyes widened subtly. He sighed.

“I spent so much time in Tartarus being someone I hated,” He said, “I was so… emotional. Needy. And I don’t–”

Will shook his head and wiped his face angrily.

“I don’t like being that person. I don’t want to be that drag on other people.”

Nico decided the distance was too much. He scooted closer to Will, crowding him against the wall so they were pressed side to side. It left room for the other Cocoa Puffs to pile onto the bed.

They crawled and cuddled closer, crowding around Will. Fat globs of shadowy tears rolled down their faces and disappeared like puffs of smoke.

Will settled a hand over each, gentling the ones in reach.

“You’re not,” Nico said. “Even in the Pit, okay? You were scared and cut off from your dad for really the first time, right? And Tartarus is- it’s overwhelming. It brought out the worst in me, too, and I’m… I’m sorry for that, tesoro . But I couldn’t have made the journey without you.”

“Thanks,” Will said. His smile rang hollow and it didn’t reach his eyes.

Nico sighed.

“I’m serious. You were brilliant, mio sole . But it’s not about that. You can ask for help, you know that, right? I promise you, Will, I won’t– leave you behind.”

Will gasped, his whole body shaking. He leaned forward over his knees and hid his tears in his elbows.

“Why do you think that?” Nico asked softly.

“I told you,” Will said. Nico waited for him to keep going.

“I’m not…” Will breathed through clenched teeth. “I’m a healer, ok? If I can’t fight, I should at least keep up. And even after, when people are hurt and it’s my job to treat them, I have to be there for them. I can’t burst into tears every time I lose a patient or freak out when I get scared. People need their healer to be someone they can trust to– to– look out for them, you know?”

Nico reached over and began to draw shapes on Will’s shoulders like Will always did for him.

“You’re not my healer, mio sole , you’re my boyfriend,” Nico reminded him.

“I’m your healer sometimes,” Will grouched. “And besides. I’m your boyfriend. I just want to be there for you when you need me. You shouldn’t have to put up with me when I can take care of myself.”

“That’s exactly what I’m talking about,” Nico said, “We’re partners, Will, we’re supposed to take care of each other. I can see what’s bothering you. I can feel it, Will. These soulmarks, your dad put them here for a reason, right? You told me that story. People aren’t supposed to be alone– you taught me that. We’re supposed to take care of each other, whatever that looks like. So, I guess I’m asking you why you think that doesn’t apply to you,” Nico said. 

Nico reminded himself he was upset at Will, but for Will.

“It just–” Will sighed heavily. He finally looked at Nico. His eyes were watery, but his irises blazed like twin suns.

It relieved Nico. Here was Will the fighter, who refused to let Nico give in to his shadows. Here was the Will who stood up for his father.

Nico waited for Will to speak.

“I’m not Michael,” Will said. “Or Percy. Or Lee, or Jason, or Annabeth. Hell, Annabeth was head counselor at twelve , and she knew exactly what to do. I could barely hold a sword or heal a stab wound then. I don’t know what I’m doing, Nico. I’m just trying my best. I can’t lead like they can, I don’t know how to be Lee. I can’t heal like Michael did. I’m just me, Nico, and that’s not– it’s not enough on its own, ok? I know that. I’m just trying to keep up with everyone else who already knows what they’re doing, who’re meant to be leaders, and I’m just the one left behind.”

Nico turned with the coin Will gave him in his hand. They sat in silence for a few moments.

“They wouldn’t want you to be,” Nico said. “Something I had to learn from Bianca was that she only ever wanted me to be happy. Michael and Lee would want that for you. They wouldn’t want you to be them, they would want you to be you.”

“But I’m the oldest,” Will explained. “I’ve been the oldest since thirteen. I watched Lee and Michael die. I’m just trying to look out for everyone, okay? I’m not really that great of a person, I’m just trying to make people think I am. I’m just trying to make them proud. I’m here to take care of people, Nico. That’s my gods-given gift. I’m just trying to help people and be someone easy for them.”

Nico frowned.

“Easy?” He asked lowly.

“Not cost them anything,” Will explained. “Kayla and Austin, they’re thirteen and fourteen. They don’t need to shoulder their older brother’s issues.”

Nico rubbed his face with his hands.

“Will,” He said, his heart in his throat. “Do I owe you?”

Will froze.

“What? That’s not– Nico no, of course not, what? Why would you owe me, love?” Will startled. The angry flame to his eyes was back.

“For all the times you’ve taken care of me. Did that cost you something? Do I owe you for that?” Nico asked. 

Part of him hoped Will would see the reason in that, but another feared the answer would be yes. All this time, had Nico taken for granted something Will had freely given?

“ NO ,” Will rushed, “Gods, no, Nico, why would you say that? You’re my soulmate, hon, I love you.”

He sounded horrified. Nico was horrified.

“Will, the same thing goes for you. I’m not going to leave you behind just because you’re not– useful to me anymore. I’m not going to stop loving you because you’re not easy .”

The tears that had threatened Nico’s eyes started to fall. He let them go. All this time, he’d thought Will’s soulmarks disappeared because he let them go. No, he probably just pushed them down, forcing himself to move on because ‘ he shouldn’t be upset ’.

“Nico–” Will said. He brushed away a tear. Back was that tender voice, the one Will used when he cared for Nico.

“No,” Nico said.

He leaned back and ripped his shirt off over his head. The text on Nico’s skin shone soft, pale gold in Will’s string lights.

“You are good enough. You don’t need to be useful to be loved. You are so special to me, tesoro , I would burn the world for you. You are not a murderer, you are not unkind. You are the gentlest person I know. You have never been arrogant or immature. Who cares if you are? You’re sixteen, mio sole . We’re still teenagers, you know? Percy was the one to remind me of that. I worked hard to remember that,” Nico vowed.

Will flinched and looked away. Nico turned his chin to face him.

“We are not just meant to be one thing. We can change, and we can live with different parts of ourselves. You are a healer, yes, and a brother, but that’s not only who you are any more than I am only my isolation, my power, my grief. I love you, Will Solace, and so does your father. So do Austin and Kayla. So do Chiron and Mr. D. and everyone here at camp. We won’t love you any less because you’re not some laid-back cheerful guy all the time,” Nico promised. “You are the best soulmate I could have. You mean so much to me.”

Will wiped his eyes as he cried.

“I have plague powers,” He said at last. “And I can burn.”

“So?” Nico scoffed. “You saved our lives.”

Will growled. “Do you know how I cause those? The bad thoughts, Nico. I talked to Chiron about it. When I gave Nyx hay fever, all I could feel was this rage for her. I was just so angry at everything. And when I scorched her wing like that, I just wanted her to let you go. I was so afraid of losing you and so upset over this… hold she had on you. I can’t control it.”

“So we work on it,” Nico said. “I summon skeleton armies and cause cracks in the floor. Living things wither and die around me if I let my grief get the best of me. That scares me all the time, but you’ve never let it scare you.”

Will reached out and cradled the Shame cocoa puff in his arms.

“I don’t want to kill someone because I’m having a bad day,” He said.

“Shutting it away will make it worse. You have to learn to live with it,” Nico said.

Will shook his head, a bitter smile on his face.

“That’s what she said,” Will admitted.

Nico’s stomach dropped.

“Who?”

“Persephone,” Will said. He looked at Nico out of the corner of his eye. “I wasn’t going to tell you yet. I met her in the garden. We had a talk while she froze you. I asked her– how she loved someone who came from so much darkness. She said we have to understand where they come from. And I’ve been trying, Nico, I have. You’re not something to fix, I know.”

Will scratched behind the cocoa puff’s ears until Shame purred. Nico could only stare in shock. Will had talked to Persephone? When had Nico been frozen? He thought Persephone had made peace with Nico by now.

“She loves you, Nico,” Will said gently. “She wants what’s best for you.”

Nico relaxed a little.

“I just didn’t know how to reach you,” Will said apologetically. “I’ve learned, I hope. I’ve been trying to listen.”

“You have been,” Nico whispered. He knew they’d been so different, at first, but they were figuring things out. They were learning.

“But… she also said… I should learn to give you my own darkness. And I didn’t understand, because it felt like that was the last thing you needed,” Will said.

Then, softer: “I don’t know how.”

Nico sat up straighter. He pulled Will down to lay on his chest.

“That’s okay,” Nico said. He thought for a moment to figure out the right words. “But there are people who can help you. I think, maybe, you should talk to Mr. D. about it. Maybe Chiron, too. They just want to help you, Will.”

Will stiffened a little, but Nico put a hand on his shoulder and pressed him down until he relaxed.

“We can’t be each others’ only support,” Nico said, “But you can come to me anytime. You are enough, and having doubts doesn’t change that. Just don’t… bottle it up, please? I can tell. We have to both be open with each other, right? Like the hardboiled egg split by the hair.”

Will snorted.

“I like the apple better.”

Nico relaxed. Will buried his face in the crook of Nico’s neck.

“You know,” He said after a minute, “I’m sorry. Just give me a minute, they’ll go away.”

“I think I get now why you wanted them,” Nico said, “Don’t worry about it. It’s what they’re here for.”

Will laid his head back on Nico’s chest until the slow tears dried out. When he began to drift off to sleep, Nico flicked his fingers towards the lamp in the room and the string lights. The Sadness cocoa puff scuttled over to each and flicked them off.

Nico bedded down beside Will and fell asleep.

The next morning, Will was still there when Nico woke up; Nico was filled with relief. He held Will closer to him. A little while later, Will woke up as well.

He turned over to face Nico, both their heads on one pillow. Will’s eyes were clear blue, so Nico could see the sorrow.

“I’m sorry,” He whispered.

“Don’t be,” Nico assured.

They woke up slow, then ate breakfast together. Will talked to Mr. D. after breakfast about starting therapy sessions like he did for Nico (Nico excused himself from that conversation).

They had a lazy day around camp. They groomed the pegasi and lunged them around the field outside the barns. They skipped rocks at the canoe lake until the afternoon started to get cold, so they returned to the Big House for hot cocoa.

Will put on his Mom’s record and he tried to teach Nico a line dance, but he couldn’t remember the middle part, so they gave up in a heap of laughter. After dinner, Chiron and Mr. D. joined them in the den of the Big House with a fire roaring in the huge hearth.

Nico offered a brownie to Hestia.

Thank you , he prayed, for a home. Thank you for a place to belong .

Hestia appeared then, climbing out of the fire in the form of a little girl with soft brown skin.

“Nico,” She said gently. “It’s nice to see you again, my dear.”

Her voice was always a shock compared to her young form. It sounded old and welcoming, cracking sometimes, but usually deep and warm.

“Hi,” Will said, “I’m Will. It’s nice to really meet you.”

“I know you, Will,” Hestia said. “But it’s nice to really meet you, too.”

“Lady Hestia,” Chiron murmured. “We’re honored you could join us.”

“Always,” She said. She looked up to Mr. D. “Behaving yourself, nephew?” She asked.

“Always,” He said cheekily. “But I’m glad to see my favorite aunt.”

Hestia smiled.

“It’s been a while,” She agreed. She looked to Nico again, and her lovely brown eyes sparkled. 

“Now, tell me how you’ve been?” She asked. “What’s a fire without a story?”

Nico and Will caught Hestia up on their recent lives, careful to avoid anything too sore. 

“I heard some gossip about how you freed my Uncle.” Hestia smiled. “Thank you. But your journey reminds me of the time Dionysus was a young whippersnapper, and he earned the name Zagreus. He journeyed to the Underworld to steal his loved ones back from death, but along the way he fell into an argument with a rowdy bunch of frogs…”

The story had Will belly-laughing brighter than he had in a while, and Nico, too.

“Auntie, why must you inflict these silly tales on my impressionable wards?” Dionysus complained. He swirled his Diet Coke can.

“You know, you were the most eligible bachelorette in your younger years,” He said slyly. Hestia sighed.

 Dionysus launched into the story of Poseidon and Apollo’s competition for Hestia that made Will groan and cover his face with his hands.

Chiron told stories, too, laughing about Apollo’s escapades. He told stories of Will’s ancient half-brothers and sisters, assuring Will how proud they would have been of him. Will told stories about Michael Yew, Lee Fletcher, Gracie Yang, and Rosie Pfeiffer. Chiron threw in a few, too, from their younger years. 

Nico found himself remembering his childhood with Bianca and telling the others about her. Dionysus told raucous stories about growing up on Nysos with his first love, Ampelos.

Some time that night, Will laced his hand with Nico’s and leaned on Nico’s shoulder. He seemed tired, but happier than he had in a long time. Just like at Gorgyra’s river, the stories were good for him.

Will had a lot to work through that he’d hidden under a smile– their conversation last night had just been a start. Nico and Will both had room to grow. Being soulmates didn’t mean they were perfect or they didn’t have things to work on, but it gave them the confidence to get through things together.

Huddled around the fire with Hestia, Will, Chiron, and Mr. D., Nico felt more at home than he had in a long time. He finally allowed himself to have this. He thought maybe this peace was meant to last.