Chapter Text
Suguru was warm. That was rare. He was usually in a cold sweat when he woke up. He also— he sniffed the air, why did it smell like vanilla? He didn’t have anything vanilla scented, he didn’t even like vanilla all that much. But— he sniffed the air again— this vanilla smelled pretty good. He could stay here forever. Why did he not like vanilla again? Man, he was missing out. He should start wearing vanilla cologne.
“Mmf,” There was a groan.
Did Suguru leave a show playing on the TV? Typically he couldn’t sleep while something was playing, he needed pure silence. That was weird. Everything was weird this morning. Now that he thought about it, there was this weight on his chest that was abnormal. He usually felt a metaphorical weight on his chest from anxiety, but this weight felt very real.
Slowly, Suguru opened his eyes. When he saw a guy laying on top of him, his brain didn’t really register it, but when he studied the guy closer and noticed his very very white hair and his very long limbs, and he realized that the guy in his bed was fucking Gojo Satoru, he was pretty fucking shocked. The most popular guy in school. The smartest, the strongest, the class clown… all the girls were in love with him and all the guys wanted to be him— except Suguru. Suguru, unfortunately, could not stand Gojo. Which was why he was perplexed as to how Gojo managed to get into his bed. Did they sleep together? Both of them still had clothes on, so there was no way to tell for sure.
While breathing quietly, in order to not wake the beast that was atop him, Suguru racked his memory. He did go to a party last night with his friend Shoko. It was the first high school party Suguru had ever been to. It wasn’t like he had never been invited to one, it was that he was never interested in drinking and he knew that if he did go to a party without drinking he’d just get overstimulated and want to leave early and ruin everyone’s night, so he made the executive decision to never attend one. But last night he decided that he wanted to get drunk. He wasn’t sure why he suddenly changed his mind.
Vaguely, he remembered walking into the party with Shoko, and taking a few shots. And then taking more shots. And then playing drinking games with people and taking way, way, way more shots. For his first time drinking, he went pretty crazy. He didn’t remember seeing or interacting with Gojo. Shit. He probably blacked out right before he met him. That meant there was no way to figure out what actually happened. Unless…
Suguru’s gaze flicked to the snoring mess on top of him. He’d have to ask Gojo what went on between them. But, damn, he really didn’t want to. In a perfect world he would be able to get up and leave without Gojo even realizing he had been there. But Gojo was on top of him so there was no way to get up without being noticed— and Suguru would like to know if they did actually have sex. Ideally, his first time wouldn’t have been blackout drunk with a guy he hated.
To be fair, Gojo’s expression was so pure and soft while he slept. His eyes were softly closed, giving Suguru a good view of his long, gorgeous white eyelashes. And his mouth was closed, which was a rare sight, at school he would never stop talking. He always had something to say. That was part of the reason Suguru didn’t like him. There were times when it was better to not say anything at all and Gojo didn’t understand that. Probably because he came from a rich family and he was spoiled to death, and since he was smart and charming and fucking perfect he never had to worry about getting in trouble.
As if Gojo could feel Suguru watching him, his eyes snapped open.
Okay, scary, Suguru thought. He wasn’t actually scared or worried, really. Gojo probably slept around a lot so he knew to keep his mouth shut. Actually, speaking of, Suguru needed to find out if they actually slept together. “Hey.”
A boyish smile appeared on Gojo’s face, “Hey Suguru.”
They’re on a first name basis? What the hell happened last night? Suguru bit his lip, almost considering not asking and pretending that he remembered, but— wait, why was he trying to be considerate of Gojo’s feelings? He didn’t care about the guy. But, he did look like he really admired Suguru for some reason. Was Suguru that good in bed? He almost laughed to himself.
“Hungry?” Gojo yawned and rolled over, finally getting off of Suguru. Weirdly, Suguru felt a sort of yearning for that weight on his chest again. Strange. Gojo propped himself up on his elbows and eyed Suguru, after a moment, he made a dumbfounded expression and his mouth gaped open, “You blacked out.”
“Ding, ding, ding,” Suguru said, feeling awkward all of a sudden. He’d never been close enough to Gojo to notice, but now that he looked at them, Gojo’s eyes were really blue. Like, really blue. “Sorry. Um, could you tell me what happened last night? Did we sleep together?”
Gojo tilted his head to the side and hummed, “We had, like, really raunchy doggy-style sex, it was pretty intense. You were asking me to chain you up and call you a dog and shit.”
Eyes widening, Suguru could only blink at Gojo in horror. That didn’t sound anything like him. He would never do something like that. Was he roofied? Did someone do something to his drink? Suguru stared at Gojo— did he do something to his drink? Suddenly, he was scared. He should get out of here.
“Kidding,” Gojo flashed a smile. “We didn’t do anything.”
Yeah, Gojo was prettier when he kept his mouth shut. After shooting Gojo a glare, Suguru got up from his bed and started looking around for his phone. He knew he brought it with him to the party. Where was it?
“You mad?” Gojo asked.
Suguru ignored him and checked under Gojo’s bed. When he couldn’t see anything, he asked, “Where’s my phone?”
“Right here,” Gojo tossed it at him. “You were laying on it.”
Suguru caught it. “Thank you.” He turned to leave, but paused. “Did we actually… not do anything?”
“Do I look like the kinda guy to take advantage of someone while they’re drunk?” Gojo raised his eyebrows.
“Yes,” Suguru answered without thinking. It wasn’t like he genuinely thought that low of Gojo, but he was a little bit pissed off that the guy would make a joke about Suguru begging to be called a dog. He started walking towards the door, “I’ll be going now.”
“I’ll walk you out,” Gojo hopped up from the bed, running his hands through his tangled hair. He grabbed his sunglasses from his nightstand and set them on his nose. “Wouldn’t want you to get lost.”
“How could I get lost?” Suguru asked, dumbfounded.
Gojo just laughed, and opened his door.
And then Suguru realized that he could easily get lost in this place. It was an apartment, but it was still probably ten times bigger than the house that he lived in. He shook his head, “I hate rich people.”
“You must loathe me, then,” Gojo started walking.
Suguru followed him and mumbled, “If the shoe fits.”
“I heard that.”
“That was the point,” Suguru noticed that there was so much white in Gojo’s apartment. Did he not get tired of seeing white all the time? His hair was literally white. Suguru must stick out like a sore thumb walking through this place. “Do you live by yourself?”
Gojo nodded, “Since last year. It’s way easier for me. Don’t have my folks constantly telling me what to do.”
“Lucky you,” Suguru said, sarcastically.
They finally reached the front door.
Gojo hesitated to open it. He rested his hand on the doorknob and stared at Suguru. After a moment, he said, “I did enjoy the time we spent together last night, y’know, even if you don’t remember it. I think you’re pretty cool.” His cheeks were slightly rosier than they were before. “Maybe we could hang out again sometime? Sober?”
Hah. That was surprising. Satoru Gojo wanted to hang out with him sober? Suguru smiled sardonically, “I’m no fun sober, trust me.” He gestured towards the door. “Thanks for walking me out. I’ll see you around.”
Gojo eventually opened the door, and Suguru walked out.
He felt Gojo’s gaze on him until he got into the elevator. Damn, Suguru thought as he pushed the button to get to the first floor, What the hell happened last night?
If Suguru could think clearly earlier, he would have drilled Gojo for details, but when he was standing by the door he looked almost shy and not at all like the Gojo that he was used to seeing, and Suguru was too distracted by that to be logical. He turned on his phone and immediately, 20 missed texts from Shoko popped up. He called her as he was walking out of the elevator, and she picked up on the first ring.
“Did you actually get boned by Gojo Satoru?” Shoko sounded happy for some reason.
“No,” Suguru said, stepping outside. He had no idea where he was. Probably not close to home. “Can you come get me? I’ll send you my location.”
“Sure, but you have to promise to tell me all the details when I get there.”
Suguru grunted, which Shoko took as a yes.
“What do you mean you blacked out ?” Shoko looked as dumbfounded as Gojo had looked earlier that morning. She took a drag of her cigarette and held it out the window.
Suguru rolled his eyes, “It’s not like I can control that.” He made a face, “Plus, weren’t you supposed to be watching me?”
“I was watching you,” She clicked her lips together. “You didn’t seem that drunk to me, and you were hitting it off with Gojo, so I assumed everything was fine and I went to smoke with Mei Mei.”
“I was hitting it off with Gojo and you thought I was okay?” Suguru wondered aloud. “There’s no way me and him would ever get along unless I was drunk out of my mind.”
“I’m serious, man, you seemed really into him. And he seemed really into you.” Shoko said, with a shrug. “You were the one who told me you were good going with him back to his place. You were all like ‘don’t worry, Satoru’s going to take care of me.’”
First name basis, again. “And you thought that was normal for me? I thought you knew me.”
“You should’ve seen yourself, man. You seemed very okay.”
Suguru didn’t know how that could be possible. “Anyways, I honestly just want to know what we did.”
“He told you that you guys didn’t do anything, right? You don’t believe him?”
“I do believe him,” Suguru turned to look out his window. It was brighter than usual outside. “I don’t mean sexually. I want to know what exactly happened. What we talked about. Why he was on top of me when I woke up.”
“PAUSE,” Shoko slammed on the breaks, causing the car behind her to honk. She flicked them off as they drove past her, and then snapped her head towards Suguru. “HE WAS ON TOP OF YOU?!”
“His head was on my chest,” Suguru explained. “It wasn’t anything weird. But, I wonder how that happened.”
Shoko sighed, “Damn. There are so many people at school who would kill to have had that experience with Gojo.”
“Not me.”
“I know that,” Shoko said. “You hate Gojo because of capitalism, pretty privilege, blah, blah, blah.”
“And because he’s an asshole.”
“And because he’s an asshole,” Shoko repeated.
“Seriously, people need to stop letting him get away with being so vulgar. It’s disgusting.”
“I’m vulgar.”
“Yeah, but it’s different.”
“How?”
Suguru thought about it. “You’re likable.”
Laughing, Shoko started driving again. “Thanks, Suguru.”
—
On Monday, Suguru got at least one hundred times the usual stares he got when he walked into school. He went to the bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror. To his knowledge, he hadn’t done anything differently. He was still wearing his usual bun, with his bangs left out. There was nothing on his face. No stains on his clothes. He didn’t smell weird. So what was everyone’s problem?
His phone buzzed. It was Shoko.
Shoko: meet me on the roof rn.
Whenever Shoko used periods when she was texting it meant that she was being serious. She usually ignored all punctuation because she was too lazy to add it in.
Suguru had a hunch that Shoko’s text had something to do with the weird stares that he had been getting.
He quickly headed to the roof, keeping his head down and trying to ignore everyone.
“Suguru!” Shoko gasped, the second that she saw him. She scanned his face and then said, “Of course you don’t know.” And then she pointed to the ground, “You’re going to want to sit down for this.”
“It’s that bad?” Suguru asked, lowering himself down to the floor and staring up at Shoko.
Shoko started clicking things on her phone, then she shoved her screen in Suguru’s face.
It took his eyes a moment to adjust to the closeness of her phone and register the image, but once they did, he froze. Someone had taken a picture of him leaving Gojo’s apartment. Did Gojo have a fucking stalker? How could someone even get that picture?
“You know what this means, right?” Shoko said, eyebrows pursed. “Gojo’s fangirls— and boys, are going to be all over you.”
“Everyone knows Gojo hooks up with people all the time, why is it a big deal that I came out of his apartment?” Suguru mumbled.
“Well, no one’s ever had real proof of one of Gojo’s hookups! And now they do!”
“I don’t think it’s that serious. We didn’t even hook up.”
“The fans don’t know that!” Shoko pointed at her phone. “You’re going to get harassed or shunned or something, and it’s all because of this photo. We have to do something about it.”
“I’ll just tell people that we didn’t hook up.”
“No one will believe you. Especially with how cozy you two were together the other night.”
“Honestly, Shoko,” Suguru put his hand on his forehead and massaged the lines that were appearing. “You’re making a big deal out of nothing. Everyone at this school is making a big deal out of nothing. I don’t want to have to deal with this. I think the best thing to do is just ignore it until it goes away.”
“Easier said than done. He’s in our class.”
“No big deal, I sit in the back anyway.”
“Suguru…”
“I appreciate your concern, Shoko, I really do. But I can handle myself. I’m not some sort of loser. I’m not easily picked on. I’ll be fine.”
Shoko’s expression softened, “Fine.” She took a deep breath. “Let’s get to class, then.”
—
The first day of it was definitely bad. The stares and the whispers. The way Gojo kept his head down in class all day. The writing on Suguru’s desk. The notes in his locker. The stealing of his gym clothes. Breaking his phone. Shoving him while wearing a mask and running away.
The problem with all of that was that because he didn’t know who was doing it, he didn’t know how to stop it. If he could figure out the person, he’d just beat them up or something. But the person doing all this was anonymous and Suguru had a feeling that it was a big group of people..
And the worst thing was that it didn’t actually die down as time went on. People got more confident. And people got meaner and worse, and it was hard for Suguru to deal with. He started eating less because of all the stress, and losing weight, and everyone started to notice.
It was hard when everyone hated him at a place he legally had to go to.
One Wednesday, Suguru was sitting in the classroom while everyone was outside, because he was pretty sure he would faint if he started running. He was staring out the window and watching everyone run and laugh and talk. And, god, he felt so pathetic. All of this happening because of something that he didn’t even do. Because of a night he didn’t remember. Some part of him was mad that Gojo didn’t— well, couldn’t, do anything about all of this. Shoko told him that he was telling people that it didn’t happen, but no one believed him. Maybe because, to some extent, they needed a person to demonize. They needed Suguru to be their villain. Suguru didn’t have a problem with being the villain in some people’s stories, as long as it didn’t affect his life.
Clutching his stomach, as it rumbled, he thought, But this shit is affecting my life.
“Knock, knock,” A smooth voice said, from the door.
Suguru slowly turned to look at the person, even though he knew who it was. Gojo’s voice was very distinct. He had an apologetic expression on his face. Ugh. Suguru hated being pitied.
“I, uh, I’ve been meaning to talk to you,” Gojo said, walking towards Suguru and taking the seat beside him. He looked at Suguru— really looked at him, and then his gaze fell down to the floor. “I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. All of this happened because of me. I shouldn’t have taken you back to my apartment. I never thought that it would get like this, like, that people here would be so horrible.”
Suguru would have made a sarcastic comment, but he just didn’t have the energy. He didn’t have the energy to do anything these days. He turned to look out the window and he watched the birds fly. He wanted to fly. Imagine not having to stay in the same place your entire life. He looked back at Gojo, “I want to be a bird.”
Gojo bit his lip, “I’m sorry, Suguru.”
First name again. Suguru didn’t mind it too much. He liked the way Gojo said his name even if they weren’t close. He knew from Gojo’s expression that he was genuinely apologetic, but apologies wouldn’t do anything. Sorries wouldn’t do anything.
“I was thinking of a way to fix all of this,” Gojo explained, crossing his legs. “Feel free to deny, but I was thinking if we pretended that we were dating, maybe, people would stop?”
Suguru blinked, “Wouldn’t that make it worse? People are mad already that I ‘hooked up’ with you, they’re going to be even madder that I’m ‘dating’ you.”
“I think it would make it better. Who would disrespect Gojo Satoru’s boyfriend, y’know?” There was that cockiness. “Plus, then I’d have an excuse to be around you more often, so I could protect you from everything. I,” he gripped the desk until his knuckles turned white, “I just want to help.”
Suguru thought about it. Wasn’t such a bad idea, actually. If people liked Gojo so much, maybe they’d start liking the guy he was dating. At the very least, maybe they wouldn’t treat him like shit, especially if Gojo was around him all the time protecting him. This was so stupid. But Suguru wanted something to change— anything, so he was willing to take the risk on Gojo. Maybe it was the light blue flecks in his already-so-bright eyes that made Suguru want to trust him. “Okay.”
A smile spread across Gojo’s lips. It reminded Suguru of the one he had when he woke up and saw Suguru— wait, he needed to forget about that morning. That was the reason for all of this. Anyways. Gojo reached into his pocket and grabbed his phone and handed it to Suguru, “Can I have your number?”
“Okay,” Suguru typed it in and handed it back to Gojo. “Don’t text me, unless it’s something that doesn’t require a response. I prefer calls.”
“Got it,” Gojo winked. “So, starting today you’re my boyfriend.”
“Fake boyfriend,” Suguru clarified.
“Fake boyfriend,” Gojo repeated. “Should we, um, maybe talk about rules or boundaries or something?”
“Yeah, but,” Suguru looked out the window and noticed that his class wasn’t outside anymore. “Everyone’s about to come back. We should talk after school.”
“Can I walk you home?”
Suguru hesitated, because compared to Gojo he lived in a barn, but he needed to stop being so insecure about things that he couldn’t change. It wasn’t his or his parents' fault that they were poor. So, reluctantly, he said, “Yes.”
—
Gojo walked up to Suguru while he was packing up to leave. Suguru was surprised he didn’t wait until they were outside. The entire class got quiet and everyone was watching the two of them. They were supposedly fake boyfriends now, but no one knew that yet, so they were looking for drama and gossip.
Suguru raised his eyebrows at Gojo, wondering what he was going to do next.
Holding his hand out, he smiled that pretty boyish smile of his, and said, “You ready?”
Warmth spread to Suguru’s ears. He ignored it, and took Gojo’s hand. “Sure.”
They walked out together, fingers intertwined. Everyone was watching. Everyone noticed. But, whenever Suguru started to feel like he couldn’t do this, Gojo would squeeze his hand and for some reason whenever he did that Suguru knew everything was going to be okay,
“My house is just across the street,” Suguru said, quietly.
“Good to know,” Gojo nodded. “How have you been— besides everything at school?”
“Everything at school has been taking over my entire life lately,” Suguru kept his eyes trained on the ground in front of him. “So, I haven’t been well. If you couldn’t tell by looking at me.”
Gojo was quiet for a moment, and then he said, “It’s going to get better. I promise.”
And Suguru believed him. “Yeah. So. Should we talk about boundaries and stuff?”
“Yeah. Is there anything you don’t want me to do?”
“Um,” Suguru gently dropped Gojo’s hand now that they were away from school, “Nothing like that when people aren’t around.”
Gojo nodded.
“And I don’t want to kiss,” Suguru said. “But besides that, anything’s game.”
Gojo nodded again, “Got it. Same for me. But, I wouldn’t mind kissing if you really wanted to.”
“Trust me I don’t,” Suguru murmured. “Thanks for the offer, though.”
Gojo chuckled, “You’re funny.”
Suguru shook his head, “I’m really not.”
“Give yourself more credit. I enjoy talking to you.”
“I’m surprised you like me sober.”
“You didn’t seem that drunk the night we met, y’know.”
Suguru blinked, “I heard I was all over you, so, I think I had to have seemed drunk.”
Gojo laughed again, more heartily this time, “All over me, huh? That’s interesting. I was probably more all over you.”
“Wish I could remember,” Suguru commented. “Will you tell me what happened?”
“I thought I told you nothing happened between us.”
“Well, yes, but you were also on top of me, so something must have happened.”
“We cuddled, yeah, but we didn’t kiss or anything,” Gojo shrugged. “Wasn’t a big deal.”
Wasn’’t a big deal. “Do you have people over a lot? Like, every weekend?”
“No. I don’t ever bring people to my apartment. You were the first.” Gojo said. “That’s why I was surprised someone was able to get that picture of you. ‘Cause no one should know where I live.”
“Scary,” Suguru said. He was surprised that Gojo wasn’t the type to have people over every weekend. Even more surprised that he was the first person to be in Gojo’s apartment. It was nice in a way, to have done something most people haven’t. He finally turned to look at Gojo, who had a big smile on his face while he was walking, “What’s wrong with you?”
Gojo threw his head back and laughed again. This guy laughed all the time. “I’m happy.”
“Why?” They were just talking about Gojo’s stalker. And he was happy?
“I’ve wanted to talk to you so much,” Gojo said. “I seriously enjoyed spending time with you.”
“Was all of this a ploy to trick me into spending time with you?”
Gojo looked hurt, “No…”
“I’m joking,” Suguru said.
“Oh!” Gojo brightened again.
“You’re so animated.”
“People tell me that,” He grinned.
“Do people ever tell you that you talk too much?” Suguru asked, genuinely curious.
“All the time,” Gojo said. “But, I always have something to say, so I have to speak my truth.”
“Sometimes it’s better to not speak your truth.”
“Do you not?”
“Depends on the situation.”
“A wise man told me to never change,” Gojo put his hands behind his head.
Suguru rolled his eyes.
Gojo laughed.
“This is me,” Suguru said, when they reached his house. It was so small compared to— shit, no, it was fine. It was a reasonable house size and it was comfortable. He stared at Gojo, who didn’t move an inch to walk away. “What’s up?”
“Mind if I stay for a bit? Get to know you?”
“What else is there to know?”
“So much,” Gojo said. And he seemed serious. Wow.
Suguru’s parents weren’t home anyways, so, “Fine, come in.”
“Yay!” Gojo bounced up and down.
Suguru cracked the door open and looked inside, okay, good, it was still clean. He opened the door all the way, and said, “Ta-da.”
“Cozy,” Gojo walked in and looked around. “Do you have snacks?”
“I’m not feeding you.”
“Ah, why not?”
“No more grocery shopping until next month, so we have to make what we have last,” Suguru walked over to the couch and sat down, setting his bag on the floor.
“Is that why you look like you haven’t been eating?”
“That’s rude to ask,” Suguru frowned. “And, no, that’s not why.”
“Sorry,” Gojo said, smiling sheepishly. “Just meant that if it’s a money problem I can help out. Not to sound like a Sugar Daddy, but, y’know, if money’s what you need I have way more than enough. So, don’t feel bad asking for it?”
“Not sure if that’s more Sugar Daddy or Spoiled Rich Brat,” Suguru said.
Gojo sat down next to him on the couch, “I can’t believe you think you’re not fun sober.”
“I’m an acquired taste. Some people just never like the flavor, I don’t know.” Suguru closed his eyes. He was tired. All that walking was a lot. “I also don’t really like you.”
“Oh?” Gojo said, sounding amused.
“I don’t want to lie,” Suguru shrugged. “I don’t like you, but I’m glad you’re trying to help.”
“You think I can change your mind?”
“If you renounce your wealth and get a brand new personality, maybe.”
“Right,” Gojo laughed. “I don’t know if I can do all that.”
“Don’t lose hope, maybe one day.”
“Is my personality not endearing?”
“It’s annoying.”
“Annoying in an endearing way?”
A little. “No.”
“Ah, c’mon, I know you have to like me a little bit.”
“I don’t think you’re a bad person, I just don’t like you. I don’t know why you like me, I’m not very interesting.”
“Suguru, you’re the most interesting person I’ve met in all of highschool,” Gojo said.
Suguru opened his eyes and looked at Gojo. He was smiling. He was being serious. Sighing, Suguru said, “There has to be something wrong with you.”
“Maybe there’s something wrong with you for not seeing it.”
“There’s nothing wrong with me,” Suguru said. “So it has to be you.”
Gojo chuckled, “I like you, Suguru.”
“I won’t ever understand why,” Suguru leaned back against the couch. “Are you heading home soon?”
“Do you want me to go?”
“I don’t mind either way, as long as you don’t disturb me.”
“Then I’ll stay.”
“Okay,” Suguru closed his eyes again. “I’m going to take a nap.”
Suguru woke up to the sound of laughter. He forced his eyes open to see what Gojo found so funny. And he saw his Mom sitting on the couch across from them with a big smile on her face, engaged in a conversation with Gojo.
“Ah, sleeping beauty,” Gojo teased, when he noticed Suguru was awake. “You’re a deep sleeper.”
Rubbing his eyes, Suguru grunted, “I told you not to disturb me.”
“Su, be nice,” His Mom reprimanded him.
Speaking of his Mom, “I thought you weren’t supposed to be home until later.”
“POS system broke down,” She explained, her long dark hair splayed over her shoulders. Usually she wore it up, like Suguru. It was nice to see it down for once. “Anyways, Su, your friend is lovely. You should have him over more.”
Suguru had to push the voice that said, he’s not my friend, down and smile and nod. He knew he probably wasn’t going to invite Gojo over again after this. He didn’t want his Mom to get attached to someone who wasn’t going to be around for long. Honestly, once they both graduated there would be no need to pretend to fake date, meaning there would be no need to spend time together.
“So, Satoru, tell me more about yourself!”
While Gojo and his Mom talked, Suguru got up from the couch and went to the kitchen to find something to eat. He didn’t want to pass out while there was someone over. He pulled open the almost-empty pantry and grabbed a bag of chips. This would do. He threw a few in his mouth and went to go sit back on the couch.
“Su!” His Mom clasped her hands together, cheeks rosy. “Satoru offered to pay for our groceries for the rest of the month! Isn’t that so sweet?”
Glaring at Gojo, Suguru said, “We don’t need his help.”
Suguru’s Mom raised her eyebrows at him, and said, “We don’t have enough food to get through the month. We really do need the help, Su. You’ve barely been eating as it is. I, I know you don’t like accepting it from people, but Satoru is trying to be nice.”
Of course, everyone always likes Gojo. He can do no wrong. Suguru crushed the bag of chips in his hands and let it fall to the floor, he turned around and said, “I’m going to my room.”
After laying on his bed for a few minutes, Suguru thought about it and he realized he was being too harsh. Gojo was trying to be nice, and Suguru and his Mom really did need the money. It just sucked that Gojo could throw around money like that while Suguru could barely have enough to survive. Maybe … he was jealous.
“Knock, knock,” A voice said from above him. Suguru opened his eyes, and saw Gojo leaning over him, with a grin on his face. “Hey Suguru.”
“I didn’t say you could come in.” Suguru closed his eyes and tried to ignore Gojo’s presence.
“Your Mom said I could. Can I sit next to you?”
“No. You’re so clingy.”
“‘Cause I like you.”
“Stop saying that,” Suguru covered his face. He was tired and annoyed and hungry. He was mad that he didn’t want Gojo to leave. There must be something wrong with him. “Fine, sit.”
Suguru felt the creaking of his bed as Gojo sat down. “Sorry, for pushing the money thing on your Mom.”
“It’s fine. She’s right. We do need it.”
“Okay.”
They sat in silence for a minute.
Suguru snorted, “I never thought you’d be able to be quiet for so long.”
“You’re full of compliments today, aren’t you?” Gojo said, a smile in his voice.
“Trying to be honest,” Suguru said. “But tell me if I hurt your feelings, I’ll stop.”
“I’m not that sensitive.”
Suguru hummed in response.
“Your Mom is nice,” Gojo said. “And pretty. Must be where you get your good looks from.”
“I suppose.”
“I’m having a party on Friday.”
Suguru opened his eyes, “Okay..?”
“You should come.” Gojo yawned, “Since you’re my new ‘boyfriend’ and all.”
Suguru thought about it. “Maybe. Can Shoko come?”
“Who’s that?”
“She’s literally in our class,” Suguru grunted.
“Is Shoko that girl you’re always with? The one who’s addicted to nic?”
“What a lovely description,” Suguru said, sarcastically. “Yes, the one who’s addicted to nic.”
“Ah, yeah, sure. She’s cute.”
“Don’t call her cute.”
“Okay. Why not?”
“She’s my friend. She’s also a lesbian.”
“Damn, Su. Just ‘cause I said she’s cute doesn’t mean I want her.” He laughed, “I only have eyes for you.”
“Shut up,” Suguru mumbled. “And don’t call me Su. Only my Mom can call me that.”
“Okay,” Gojo hummed. He looked around Suguru’s room.
Suddenly Suguru felt a little awkward. The only thing he had on his wall was a Naruto poster from when he was little, that he just never felt like taking down. And other than that his room was very plain. He didn’t have a problem with that, but at the same time, when a relatively hot guy was sitting on his bed staring at everything, it was almost embarrassing.
Suguru opened his mouth to explain himself, “I—”
“It’s cute,” Gojo said.
“What?”
“I like your room.”
“There’s barely anything in here.”
“Yeah. It’s very you.”
“You don’t even know me,” Suguru smiled a little. That was funny.
“Well from what I do know about you, this room is very you.”
“Okay Gojo.”
Gojo crossed his legs, “You can call me Satoru.” When he saw Suguru was about to decline the offer, he added, “We’re fake dating, right? Would be weird if you called me by my surname.”
That was true. “Okay. Fine.” Suguru stretched his legs and then stood up. He had homework to do. He didn’t exactly care if Gojo— shit, Satoru, stayed or left, but wow, he’d been here for almost two hours. “How long are you planning on staying? Do you not want to go back to your apartment?”
Scratching the back of his neck, Satoru said, “I guess I have been here for a while. Should I go?”
“Whatever you want,” Suguru turned on his computer. “I’ll be doing work. Don’t disturb me.”
“Okay,” Satoru smiled softly. “Guess I’ll do my homework too.”
And so they both did work in Suguru’s room for a while.
“I’m done,” Suguru’s shoulders relaxed as he wrote the final sentence for his English essay. He was so relieved. He turned around to see how Satoru was faring, and then he rolled his eyes. Satoru fell asleep. On the ground. “You’re such a mess.”
After throwing a blanket over Satoru, Suguru went to the living room to check on his Mom. She was scribbling something on a piece of paper. When she noticed Suguru walking in, she paused to smile at him. “How are you, honey?”
“I’m alright,” He responded. He glanced at the paper. She was doing math. “Budgeting?”
“Ah, yeah, for the rest of the month,” She laughed, but it sounded forced.
“Satoru’s going to help with the money,” Suguru assured her. “I’m sorry I was so against it before.”
“I don’t want you to feel like,” She paused. “I don’t want your friends to be providing for us. I’m your Mother. I should be doing more. I’ll pick up more shifts. All I want is for you to know that you’re taken care of. I want you to eat more and be good to yourself, and spend more time with your friends. Satoru’s the first friend you’ve brought home in years.”
Was that true? Well. Suguru never had a reason to bring anyone home, so he never did. The only reason he brought Satoru was because the guy wanted to walk him home. “I’m sorry,” he said, putting his hand on his shoulder. “I’ve been making things harder for you.”
“No you haven’t,” She shook her head furiously. “You’re an amazing son. I know you try to make me not worry. But I know you, I can see through your act. I know that somethings been going on, and, and I want to help as much as I can. Seeing you bring a friend home, it really made me happy,” She smiled, tears beginning to fall from her eyes. “I want you to be happy again. I want you to associate this place with happiness. Especially since you’re graduating soon and going off to college.”
Suguru looked down at the ground, warmth spreading to his cheeks. He never realized his Mom was so worried about him. He’d been so engrossed in what was happening at school that his brain practically skipped over what was going on at home. Suguru wanted to tell his Mom everything that was going on, he wanted her to know— but he didn’t want her to worry any more than she already was. He shifted his gaze back to her and bit his lip, “Mom, I am happy here. I am.”
She didn’t believe him. Suguru could tell. But she pretended that she did, “Alright, Su.” She stood up from the couch and gave him a tight hug. “Let me know if you need anything, okay? I’m always here. Always.”
Suguru nodded, “I know.”
“Anyways,” She pulled away. Suguru missed the contact already, even though it had just disappeared. He wasn’t used to receiving hugs. Shoko was really his only close friend and she hated physical touch. Suguru was pretty sure she would punch him in the face if he even attempted to hug her. Suguru’s Mom pushed his bangs behind his ear and said, “Is Satoru still here? I can prepare some dinner.”
“He’s not hungry,” Suguru lied.
“Yes I am!” A voice came from Suguru’s room.
“Were you eavesdropping?” Suguru put his hand over his forehead.
“No!” Satoru shouted, obviously not telling the truth.
Suguru’s Mom laughed, “I’ll make dinner.”
Suguru sighed and sat down on the couch. He pulled out his phone. Missed texts from Shoko. He decided to FaceTime her while his Mom was cooking. Shoko was sitting outside smoking when she picked up the phone, “Hey Suguru. Heard you walked home with Gojo. I have so many questions. Remember how you’re actively being bullied for being seen by his apartment? Or did you get distracted by his big blue eyes and forget?”
“Yeah, about that…” Before Suguru could actually explain what was going on to Shoko, Satoru walked out of his room yawning and sat down on the couch next to him.
Shoko’s eyes went wide, “What is he doing at your house ? Suguru, this is not a good look.”
“Hi Shoko,” Satoru waved, putting his chin on Suguru’s shoulder.
Suguru scooted away from him, “Sorry, Shoko. I didn’t get a chance to explain things to you.”
“Explain things?” Shoko asked, looking furious. “Hanging out with this guy ruined your life. I know you’re not an idiot. What the hell are you doing hanging out with him?”
“It wasn’t his fault,” Suguru mumbled.
“Yeah, I know. But still” Shoko took a drag of her cigarette. She exhaled and then said. “You have a shit ton of explaining to do later.”
And then she hung up the phone.
“What a sweetheart,” Satoru said.
“Shut up,” Suguru set his phone down. “She’s been worried about me. We haven’t been talking as much as we used to. Because of everything that happened. She basically lost her best friend, so.”
“Ah. I’m sorry.”
Suguru shrugged. Nothing could fix the damage that had already been done. He lost a part of himself throughout this whole ordeal and he didn’t know if he’d ever get it back. But weirdly, when he was with Satoru, he felt almost like it was still there. Or at least the ghost of it. Maybe that was the real reason he didn’t kick him out the second they reached his house. Maybe some part of him wanted to let Satoru in so that he could feel normal again.
When he realized Suguru wasn’t planning on responding, Satoru added, “Dude, trust me, after my party everything’s going to be better for you.”
“I hope so,” Suguru said. And he meant it.
“Dinner’s ready!” His Mom said from the kitchen.
“Woah, Mrs. Geto, this is amazing!” Satoru stuffed the curry in his mouth without any regard for the mess that he was making on his chin. He was eating like an animal. For someone who came from a rich family, he sure didn’t know any table manners. That was probably because he didn’t live with anyone. He was used to being alone. That was almost sad.
Slowly, Suguru brought a spoonful of curry to his mouth. But, he couldn’t open his lips to eat it. He wanted to, god, he wanted to eat it, he wanted to enjoy his Mom’s food again. But he had no appetite. He was hungry but he couldn’t eat. He was so fucking hungry. But, he couldn’t. He couldn’t. Suguru’s heartbeat picked up. What was he going to do? They were all watching him, they were waiting for him to eat. But, he couldn’t.
“Hey, Su,” Satoru tilted his head to the side, and grabbed Suguru’s spoon.
“What are you—” Suguru started to say.
“Here comes the airplane, PSHOOO!” Satoru said, and stuffed the curry into Suguru’s mouth.
Suguru’s eyes widened. His lips automatically closed around the spoon and, he finally, he finally chewed. And he swallowed the food. And it was good. It was so good. He took the spoon from Satoru and ate more. And more. And when he was done with his plate, he got more and he ate. He finally ate.
“Suguru…” His Mom said, quietly.
“What’s wrong?” Suguru asked, swallowing another mouthful.
His Mom flashed him a real smile, the biggest one he’d seen on her in a while, “I’m so proud of you.”
Suguru’s face warmed. He kept eating.
Satoru laughed, “I’m proud of you too, Suguru.”
Proud.
Suguru eventually put his spoon down and smiled shyly at the two of them, “Thank you.”