Chapter Text
It truly was one godsdamned thing after another.
First, it was Mizora, wearing out her nonexistent welcome, lurking near Wyll's tent at all hours like a foul stench. Astarion was growing tired of it. Wyll was free, after all, and while the devil's cattiness had been amusing at first, any of what little charm she possessed had worn off the moment she made a move on Tavish. It was always a laugh watching hapless women throw themselves at the paladin, as if his preferences weren't painfully obvious to anyone but the willfully obtuse.
Astarion wasn't typically the jealous type. His lover’s relationship with Halsin was evidence of that. What he was, however, was possessive. At times, overbearingly so. It was hard not to get protective over one's belongings, after all, when one was so unaccustomed to having anything for so long. Astarion guarded Tav like a prized painting or heirloom jewel, because the paladin's body and heart were the first things he'd been allowed to claim for his own in centuries.
So, naturally, he didn't take kindly to fiendish harlots eyeing his lover like a shiny new toy. Astarion rather felt like a child, swatting a playmate's hand away from his favorite doll, unwilling to share. Tav had that effect on him.
Then, of course, there was the shapeshifter who had so rudely waited for the night before they planned to face Cazador to make her grand reveal. It was supposed to be a night of rest in preparation for what was sure to be a physically and emotionally exhausting (if not outright deadly) ordeal. But things never did go as planned for their merry band of tadpole-infested losers, did they? No, they were either the gods' favorites or least favorites, judging by how much they all seemed to enjoy watching them struggle.
The Bhaalists had taken Lae'zel hostage, and Astarion couldn't pretend that he wasn't disturbed by how easy it had been. If they could steal away with her in the night with no issue, how safe were any of them? What if Cazador sent for Astarion, who was admittedly smaller and weaker than their githyanki friend? Or worse yet, what if his "siblings" managed to lure dear, kind, trusting Tav off with the right words and feigned emotions? He would make excellent bait for luring Astarion into their master's den. And Tav, bleeding heart that he was, could easily be walked into any trap set if he thought there were someone in need of saving at the other end.
That was, after all, how they'd met. Astarion calling the paladin over to protect him from a false threat, easily slipping a blade to the man's throat after he unthinkingly dashed to another's defense. At the time, Astarion was almost sickened by the display. Now, though, that reckless selflessness, that instinct to protect and nurture no matter the personal cost, had become just another endearing trait of the one he loved so dearly.
As soon as Orin left, Tavish had knelt down and opened his arms to Yenna, who scrambled on small, trembling legs to collapse into his embrace.
"That was so scary," the child whimpered, as she clung to the linen fabric of his shirt.
Tav stroked her hair lightly. "I know, little mite. I'm sorry we failed to protect you."
Astarion couldn't help but watch as he soothed the girl. Tav truly was in his element. He was always so great with kids, so naturally, effortlessly gentle, that it had been no shock to learn he spent much of his pre-tadpole life caring for orphans. The paladin was born to be a father, and it was Tav's worst kept secret that he longed to be one.
Astarion didn't like to think about that, so he tried his best not to. Sometimes, though, he wondered what would come first: his own ideas on the matter growing to someday more firmly match Tav's own, or the paladin's patience growing thin, and his lover leaving for someone who could give him a firmer 'yes'. He supposed, bitterly, that Tav could always just ask Halsin to get him pregnant. With the way those two went at it, it was really a wonder he hadn't done so already.
Grub poked his fluffy ginger head out from behind some old baskets to sniff at the air nervously.
"There you are," Tav cooed, unsuccessfully coaxing the frightened thing any closer. "See, Yenna? It's alright to be scared. Grub was, too. But you were very brave just now, and we're both very proud of you."
The child held out her hand, and the cat, ever loyal, bounded up to fill her small palm with his soft purring muzzle.
"Karlach," Tav began, "Would you mind...?"
"Say no more." The tiefling held her hand out for Yenna to take, giving the little hand a light squeeze once she did. "Off we go, tiger. You two're bunking with me tonight."
"Could I, erm...." The girl looked down, kicking at a loose cobblestone. "Could I sleep with you? Please?"
Karlach smiled brightly. "Sure! Word of warning, though..." She leaned in with a conspiratory stage-whisper. "Clive's known to steal the covers."
Yenna giggled softly and allowed the woman to lead her off to bed, Grub following a short distance. The others bid the pair a terse goodnight, satisfied that the child was safe as she could be under Karlach's watch, and the veteran turned back slightly to give Tav a half salute with two clawed fingers before turning in for the night.
It surprised Astarion when Tav followed him to bed after they all retired for the second time. Normally when the paladin acquired a new source of stress, he spent the night with Halsin. Astarion wasn't honestly sure whether the druid provided relief in the form of rough sex or late night talks, but whatever it was, it always seemed to work. This time, though, Tav joined the spawn in his own tent, his mismatched eyes lined with dark bags as heavy as the weight on his shoulders. The paladin never slept much to begin with, they'd all noticed, but the burdens he picked up over the course of their journey only served to make his insomnia worse.
Astarion hoped that he wasn't a contributing factor.
"Scared to sleep alone, are you?" the rogue teased, offering Tav a hand for him to capture in his own with a knightly kiss to cool knuckles. "Don't worry, darling. I'll protect you from those big, bad shape-changers."
"Comforting," Tav murmured into the back of Astarion's hand. "One problem, though. Who's to say you aren't one of them?"
Astarion hummed in feigned thought. "Well, the same could be said of you. You are exercising an unusual amount of caution by even suspecting me. How do I know you're real, not just a cheap imitation?"
"Starling." Tav smiled, weary, and laced their fingers together. "My sweet dove. How are you feeling tonight?"
That caught him off guard. "Me?" Astarion asked, frowning. "Why do you ask?"
"Well," started Tav, "It's just that.... We'd planned on facing Cazador in the morning. I just wanted to check on you. Make sure you're still alright with going tomorrow, after everything..."
"Are you?" Tav's lengthy pause told Astarion all he needed to know
It was all coming together. "That's what this is really about, isn't it? You want to put it off."
"Of course not!"
"Really, darling, it's fine. I won't be upset. A bit disappointed, perhaps, but..." His voice softened, ivory hand resting against the paladin's cheek. "I know how much you care for Lae'zel. If you want to rescue her first..."
"No." Tav shook his head firmly. "No... If you're ready, love, we continue as planned. Cazador's manor at first light. Then... I s'pose we'll be paying Gortash a visit. Or... We should really take care of those automatons of his first...." The mere thought seemed to exhaust him even more than he clearly already was, and he leaned forward to rest his head on Astarion's shoulder with a sigh. "Fuck me..."
"Not tonight, dear," Astarion joked softly, reaching up to card his fingers through his lover’s long, silken hair. "I mean it, though. I've waited two centuries to kill the bastard--what's another day? You're clearly too worked up about Lae'zel to sleep..."
"It's not about Laezel. Or... Not only about her. What if someone comes for you next?" Tav squeezed Astarion's hand, as if to keep him in place. Anchoring the vampire, lest anyone try to separate the two. "I don't just mean the Bhaalists. I mean... The other spawn. Cazador. After tonight... or.... Rather, can I be honest with you, Star?"
"Are you ever not?"
"You'd see right through it if I tried," said the paladin fondly, then sighed again as he continued. "Honestly, I've been afraid of that since we first encountered that hunter in the swamp. Only, that was before I realized what you meant to me. And now, after everything... After Lae'zel... I can't bear the thought of losing you."
Astarion wasn't entirely sure how to respond to that, but that was something he'd grown accustomed to during their courtship. At first, he was uncomfortable with, even annoyed by, how easily Tav reduced him to a speechless, emotional mess. Now, though, he was at least able to recover quickly.
"Well," said Astarion softly. "I appreciate your...candor. It's nice to know we're of the same mind, even if I'm sure the others won't appreciate it--"
"My loyalty lies with you, fair one. Not the others." Tav brought their joined hands to his lips. "You're first in my heart, before even Halsin."
"Oh, stop," laughed Astarion. "But don't really stop. I do love hearing about how--oh, I dont know--how I'm more sacred to you than your oath, or something...."
"You are." The paladin’s tone was serious, though Astarion doubted he truly was. "I follow you as I follow the tenets of the Ancients. When I took your hand that night in Moonrise Towers, I swore myself to you-- mind, body, and soul. I would do anything for you, no matter the cost."
Astarion scoffed, rolling his eyes. "That's a rather dangerous game to play, dear. You really should know better by now. I mean, really... What would you do if I asked you to do something terrible? Kick a puppy, steal from an orphan...?"
"If you truly wanted it," shrugged Tav, "or if it somehow kept you safe? I wouldn't hesitate."
Astarion's eyes widened, equal parts shocked and amused. "You really mean it, don't you? Oh, I could have some fun with this... Maybe I'll have you beat up Gale."
"With all this nonsense about the Crown, I fear that won't be too imposing a request."
"He has been insufferable lately, hasn't he! It seems like just yesterday the man was going on and on about Karsus and his folly, and now he won't shut up about becoming his successor. Maybe we should've let him blow himself up after all."
"He'll come around," said Tav, laughing fondly, "sooner or later."
"Of course..." Astarion hummed. "I can't say I blame him. Infinite power does sound..."
"Astarion." Tav frowned, a warning. They'd discussed the ritual before, of course, and the paladin's feelings on the matter were resolute.
"Oh, suddenly you aren't willing to do anything I ask," huffed Astarion. "I knew it. You had to have some limit, paragon of morality that you are."
"Of course I have limits" agreed Tav. "But you'd never expect me to go past them. I trust you wouldn't expect that of me."
"That's stupid of you. So you mean to say that I can ask you to do anything, and you'll just... trust that it's for the good of both of us?"
"I trust that you would believe it was, at least. Yes."
"What if I asked you to break your oath?" asked Astarion. "To abandon it. Walk away from your 'sacred mission' and follow me instead."
For a moment, Tav faltered. "You'd never ask that."
Astarion hated it, but he knew that he was right. He may never understand his lover’s dedication to his oath, but he understood that it was important to him, and that was, for once, enough. It was fun to joke about, but ultimately, Tav's dedication to his cause and unerring chivalry had become endearing character traits. As foolish as Astarion saw it all, it meant everything to Tav, and he would never rob his love of something so dear to him.
But instead of replying, Astarion gave the paladin's chest a light, affectionate tap. "It's a good thing you're so attractive," he sighed. "Anyway, I'm sure Lae'zel can handle herself. They'll probably be begging us to take her back after a few days."
"You're right. She's probably giving them hell as we speak." Tav smiled and pressed a kiss to the vampire’s forehead. "Tomorrow, Cazador. First, though, we really do need some rest."
"You say that like it's easy."
"I can always ask Karlach to knock us both out, should we need it," joked the paladin.
"I meant Cazador." It had been easy, up to that point, to fake confidence in their ability to take him down. To joke around and pretend that his vengeance and their survival were guaranteed. But now that they were here, launching an attack on the morrow, practically on Cazador's doorstep... It was hard to hide the tremor in his frame or uncertainty in his voice.
Tav, as always, saw right through him. "We'll make it through this, little rabbit," he promised. "All of it. Together."
Astarion laughed. "You and your pet names... Which one am I? A rabbit or a bird?"
"You're everything," Tav replied earnestly. "No matter what happens, I'll be by your side. I swear this on my oath."
"I'm holding you to that," said Astarion, because he desperately wanted to believe it.