Chapter Text
Bam couldn't remember having been hugged a lot in his life.
Back then- back in the caves, Rachel - he bit his lip and endured the twinge of hurt he always felt when thinking about her - never really hugged him that much. He did remember that she... she used to give him hugs, especially during their first, precious days and moments together.
They were few, of course. Fewer than the head pats and back rubs she'd give him whenever she was happy with him, but Bam treasured the memories of those few hugs all the same. He still treasured them.
(Those hugs were short, and in hindsight, stiff and awkward as she'd gingerly place her arms around him, but he had no way of knowing that back then. And even if he did, he didn't think he'd care. He was just happy to feel her touch. Happy to feel someone, feel warmth-)
But then, at some point, after some time, she... just stopped. She stopped giving him hugs and he didn't know why. He remembered trying to hug her a few times after she stopped and her pushing him away (even back then). After a couple (too many) tries, she scolded him. It was wrong to touch someone like that without permission, she'd said very sternly.
When he whined and pointed out that she never asked for his permission when she'd touched him, Rachel got that tight frown she'd always have when unhappy and would just tell him that that's different. And besides, she said, that's why things should change.
Bam… he’s still ashamed of it, but he hadn't been satisfied with that. He’d promptly decided to ask for her permission to hug her then, and... she said no. She told him not comfortable with it anymore. He asked why, and she replied that it’s because she so. He still wasn't satisfied and asked when she could hug him again and...
They had a... a disagreement shortly after, he remembered guiltily, and when Bam whined too much, Rachel finally got fed up and left early… despite how much he cried out that he was sorry.
...He never complained about her not giving him hugs again after that.
Eventually, Bam decided he didn't care if Rachel didn't hug him or if he couldn’t hug her. It didn’t matter how much his heart ached to feel her arms and— and be enveloped in warmth. Instead, he… chose to cherish the affectionate touches she’d still give him. And to be good enough to receive them.
Because that’s always when Rachel would pet or ruffle his hair— when he’s being good. When he’s a good boy and made her really happy. So, he always did his best to do just that.
He always would, even sometimes desperately. He’s not that sure why but he… he’d just longed to feel her. Feel her touch, her affection, no matter how brief they were.
It’s a yearning that Bam always had, for as long as he could remember. Ever since he met Rachel, ever since he first felt her touch him, he… he just wanted to feel more of it. More of Rachel— of someone touching him, whether it’s caressing his hair or embracing him. He wanted to experience more.
Feeling that precious proof that there’s someone beside him, someone who cared and someone who he made happy, the skin of another person against his… he treasured it more than he could ever hope to describe.
In the end, though, he knew the touches didn’t matter as much as Rachel did. She’s there, as his light. He had her and her smile and her voice in the caves. That’s all he’d ever need.
…And then Rachel pushed him down into a dark, lonely place, away from her, and Bam’s heart and world shattered.
During his time in FUG, it probably went without saying but no one touched him, at least not kindly. Because of that, he didn't think his master's training counted. And the longing that had been just a dull ache became a pain that was almost as agonizing as his loneliness.
So, as he endured for the sake of the lives of his friends, over time Bam would try to just... not think. To distance himself from his own body and mind and basically go numb, even if just so continuing would feel even slightly less painful. It eventually became something he became rather good at, just like all the techniques he'd learned.
It didn't make the heartache or the longing go away, not even close. But still, it would make his days and nights less miserable. It made what he had to do more bearable, even if guilt still endlessly gnawed at his insides.
That night during the Workshop where Mr. Rak tackled him to the floor in relief had been the first time he was hugged since... he entered the Tower. No, for even longer than that...
(Maybe that's the real reason why Bam didn't even try to get him off and run, because... because it'd just been so long—)
Bam never thought much of Mr Rak's hug afterward. Well... there hadn't exactly been time to, and Bam couldn't afford to give away what happened to Reflejo and the others, so he'd desperately tried to shut away those thoughts.
But even after the Workshop, he never really stopped to think about it. It was a bit embarrassing, but it's true. He was so, so happy to have been reunited with his friends and be free from FUG's grip that he ended up forgetting about the first hug he'd ever received in years.
He'd almost completely forgotten about it, until-
Until...
Until very recently.
Until Yuri, the girl-- the Princess he'd met on the 1st Floor, the first person he'd ever met from the Tower, went and hugged him, right after she'd helped save him and his friends.
He'd already been so shocked to see her here in the Hell Train, in front of him. He- Bam hadn't had a lot of hope that he'd ever really see her again, and back when he'd been with FUG, he'd grimly wondered if they'd eventually meet again as enemies. But he was wrong, just like he'd been wrong that he'd be trapped in FUG forever, and there she was.
She appeared right in front of him, and then after remarking on his face (something that Bam found himself slightly flushing at, in the present), she casually rescued him and his friends from the acid.
Bam had just gotten over enough of the surprise of their unexpected rescue to half-mindlessly ask Yuri how she got here - staring at the miracle of her presence all the while - when suddenly, she... she rushed forward and threw her arms around him.
To say that it took him by surprise like Yuri's appearance did would be an understatement. Yuri's hug felt... tight, kind of how like Mr Rak's hug had been. It shouldn't be surprising, given how strong she was, but he could clearly sense how relieved she felt to see him again. Her arms felt... comforting around him, a concept that Bam was still getting used to feeling again. They felt comforting in a way that he didn't think he'd ever experienced before. They felt— it felt—
Yuri's body felt so warm... Bam felt so warm. He was being enveloped and warmth and contact in a way he'd never been ever felt before in his life and it all left him so stunned that he couldn't even react. Not even to the feelings that coursed through him.
When she murmured to him that he did well, it sent a ripple of something, something precious through his soul. But she told him not to say anything right now, and... take a rest. And despite the emotions pounding in his heart, Bam obeyed.
His body relaxed for the first time since boarding the train, without him even needing to let it to, and he... he quietly cherished this moment granted to him.
It became the longest hug he'd ever received.
Now, as Bam sat on the inside his room on the train, alone, he found himself thinking about Yuri again. Her and especially about the hug she gave him. Well, actually, to be honest, it'd been almost all he'd been able to think about.
He frowned in thought as he wrung his hands. Now that there wasn't any, well, immediate danger at the moment, even though White was still definitely out there, Bam was able to think and reflect more on all the things that have happened.
And the more and more he thought, pondered, obsessed about that hug, the more confused he couldn't help finding himself feeling.
Bam was glad to see Yuri again, when before he'd almost entirely given up hope for it happening. He may have only known her for a short time during the 1st Floor, but he'd never forgotten her - never could - and he never stopped feeling grateful for the help she had gave him in that test. He considered few but vivid memories he had of her to be just as the precious of those of his friends.
...He also never stopped feeling guilty that he lost the Black March to Anaak was never able to give it back to Yuri, even when began getting many other, bigger things that he felt incredibly guilty over.
But even with all that, Bam still found himself kind of taken aback when he learned how Yuri, even years after the first and only time they met, practically cared for him just as much.
It turned out she boarded the Hell Train just to find him. She wanted to find him so much that she'd risked both her life and her title just to accomplish that. Bam hadn't even known what to say then, but he was... he was surprised. He was touched. And-- And that's not even getting into how she never believed he was dead, how she never lost hope that she'd meet him again.
Then, after he told her what FUG did, she was furious. She was ready to kill Hansung for his role in what Bam through him. Even if he stopped her in the end (stopped her from leaving, from going far away from him--) and told her how he's going to resolve things himself, the sentiment behind it still... meant something to him.
It meant something deeply precious, just like the proud smile she then gave him when she remarked how he'd really grown up. Just like her hug.
Bam truly couldn't feel more thankful to have finally met her again.
Speaking of, however, that hug... his brow slightly furrowed and he clasped his hands tighter. To be frank, that hug was what's at the center of his current confusion. H-He didn’t mean that in a bad way, it’s just…
Wh-Why? Why did she hug him?
It’s already one thing that she cared so much for him and believed in him and searched for him even after years FUG faked his death— and he was hesitant to think he really deserved that. But a… a hug?
He didn’t think he had done anything to truly earn something like that, and yet… Yuri gave him it to him anyway. And once again, she did it without any hesitation.
And what’s more, he accepted it without hesitation too. He welcome the embrace, even melted in it for a few seconds, and when Yuri pulled away, there was a part of him that mourned. Even as he smiled at her fondly and knew there were more important things, part of him wished it could’ve lasted longer.
But there’s still, still more than that. More than the fact that the ache for that kind of warmth that felt like it’d been reawakened, more than the fact he’d never been hugged like that by Rachel…
…It’s the fact that that was the first thing Yuri did after she’d rescued him and his friends.
Yuri gave a hug to the Irregular boy she met on the second Floor, who never managed to personally return the Black March to her, and told him to rest.
Somehow, it meant something that he couldn’t even begin to explain. And for that, he… he—
A beep and the sound of the door of his room sliding open abruptly pulled Bam out of his thoughts. Snapping his head towards his door, his eyes went wide at who he saw. His heart stuttered.
Because standing there under the doorway, with her arms folded and a toothy grin on her face, was the very person that had been on his mind.
“Hey, handsome.” Yuri greeted, her crimson eyes glimmering at him.