Chapter Text
The flames dance bight before him and for the first time in centuries, Jake wishes they would just stop. Flashes of orange illuminate the night, outshining the stars themselves. The cracking of wood overtakes the sound of a nearby river and Jake wants to throw up.
He watches as the house burns before him.
Jake kneels on the grass under him and tries to understand what is happening. Heeseung stands a couple of meters away from him, closer to the fire and so does Sunghoon. Niki and Jungwon are struggling against Jay, trying to stop him before he enters the house and-
He has to fix this.
He reaches deep within his soul, harvesting every last drop of power left in him. He can stop this, he has to. His brother is there, he can do it. He extends a hand to the fire and reaches out to the flames. He is met with a warm, welcoming feeling, a sensation he's known for a lifetime. He lets out a sigh of relief. He feels the flames, dancing on the palm of his hands and ready to heed his command. He focuses and gently asks the flames to stop, to let his brother free.
The fire before him dies down a little bit before reigniting. The flames burn angry, brighter and hotter than before but all Jake can feel is cold. A freezing sensation eats up at his fingers and he reaches out again, trying to get a hold of the flames. Nothing happens.
Jake tries again and again.
And again.
And again.
And again.
And again and again.
And again and again and again and again.
And again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again .
Frostbite burns his fingertips and it feels wrong. It is wrong, he is supposed to feel the warmth of the flames so he can control them and save his brother. Why can't he control them? Why won't the fire just listen to him? Panic tears start to roll down his cheeks. Please, he begs, come back to me, let me save him.
But his prayers fall on deaf ears. He feels the cold climbing his arms. He tries to get up, to run to the fire and save Sunoo but his knees buckle and he falls back to the ground.
"No," he whispers. "No".
The coldness enters his chest as he stares at the fire. The flames that were once the source of his strength are now his worst nightmare. They burn bright, brighter than he's ever imagined yet he doesn't see any beauty in them. He sees them for what they are, what they always have been. A source of destruction. The fire before him is nothing but a source of despair.
Ice wraps around his heart and sobs wreak his body. He knows. Deep down, he knows already. From the moment Jay stopped struggling, from the moment Sunoo's name left Heeseung's lips in a broken call. From the moment he first felt the icy quills on his fingertips, he knew there was no hope left for them, no hope left for him.
Jake stares at the blinding flames that took his brother.
Niki had carried him to their house.
The youngest tried to use what remained of his power to transport them closer but he only managed to get them halfway through the forest. After that, it had been up to Niki to carry him on his back until they arrived home. Jake could only cry and mutter endless apologies, Niki said nothing back.
"I'm sorry," Jake said once more as Niki laid him down on his bed.
"It's not your fault," Niki says as he sits on the bed, keeping him company. Jake can only cry.
His death was still too fresh, to raw in his mind.
Jake takes his hands to his face and tries to get rid of the pesky tears. He bends down and presses his face against the palms of his hands, hiding himself. Shielding himself from reality as he breaks down.
Is his fault if you really think about it. He had it right there, the fire was wrapped around his fingertips, he had it controlled. And what good did that do? Nothing, he could've saved his brother yet he did nothing. He only made it worse, the fire only seemed fiercer after he let go of it. It mocked him, the angry flames laughed at him as they roared louder. It's his fault, he couldn't control the fire and it had led to this, to them losing his brother.
"Jake," Niki whispers as he engulfs him in a warm hug. Warm. Jake hates the feeling. It reminds him of the power he once held, the power that failed him when he needed it most. He despised the warmth that had previously invaded every fiber of his body whenever he used his power. At the end of the day, the warmth was gone, a faint kiss of it remained on his fingertips but even that was extinguished, only cold remained.
And for that reason, Jake also yearned for the warmth in Niki's embrace. He was cold, everything felt so cold. He leans closer to Niki, falling into the warmth of his embrace. He longed for it, for some semblance of heat that would soothe his soul. Jake needed it to survive. He couldn't live with this coldness that wrapped its claws around his chest. He couldn't breathe, it was suffocating. Each breath he took felt like frozen blizzards hitting his body.
"Breathe," Niki tells him. "In," he says and inhales.
Jake does as his brother asks but oh, he hates him. The cold burns his lungs and he can't hold his breath for more than 3 seconds before he breaks down in sobs again. He starts apologizing again and Niki takes one hand to his hair and starts softly caressing his dark locks. All Jake can do is apologize.
"I'm sorry," he repeats over and over like a prayer. He should've been there, should've done something. Fuck, it was right there and he only made it worse.
In the deepest corner of his mind, Jake's thoughts burn. It was his fault, they say. He was the reason the fire started in the first place. And even though Jake knows that's not true, he sobs harder. Because he isn't sure, he can't be sure. Maybe his power was put of control, maybe it started as a small sparkle and he made it worse. Maybe he did start the fire and it's his fault that Sunoo is dead.
Niki's soft promises and soothing affirmations lull him to sleep. He feels warm in his brother's hug.
He doesn't know how to feel about it.
The cold wind of the sea hits his face as they stand on the beach. Heeseung had forced him to come along with him. He had said that it would clear his mind and that he needed some fresh air. Jake hated it, he wanted nothing more but to stay in his room, not here where he was cold.
He stares at the ocean and focuses on the waves in an attempt to take his mind off of the chill that drenches his bones. The weather isn't nice by any means, it's windy and the sun has decided to hide behind the clouds. He hasn't seen the Sun since Sunoo died, he notices and it's somehow... fitting. Maybe the skies are mourning Sunoo too.
The sea before him is a blueish gray and Jake feels like he can lose himself in the waves. Their dance matches his breathing and they invite him to dive in, to forget the pain. Jake takes a step forward and his feet touch the wet sand and he instantly takes a couple of steps back.
It's cold.
He doesn't deserve it. After centuries of waiting for an opportunity to swim without feeling like he would die because of his powers, he can't get in the water. It's cold, too cold. Maybe this is what he deserves. An eternity of longing and the rest of his life full of regret.
He turns to his brother.
"I'm sorry," he says and Heeseung gives him a sad smile.
"It's not your fault," his brother tells him. "You didn't start the fire, you couldn't have known that Selene would be there" Jake is not sure about that anymore.
"Had I not spent the last remains of my power in that bonfire, do you think I would have been able to save him?" he asks Heeseung. Maybe if he hadn't spent his power on that bonfire, he would've been able to save him. Maybe he would've had the power necessary to control the flames just a little longer and maybe they wouldn't have fled from his grasp.
His brother stays quiet and Jake wants to cry. Of course he would've been able to save him. His brother's silence says more than enough. He should've done better. He should've been stronger, wiser, he doesn't know but he wasn't and that cost them Sunoo. It was a stupid bonfire, they even had matches but god forbid Jake used his brain and saved whatever remains of his power in case of an emergency. No, he had to go there and light up the bonfire himself, depleting almost every single bit of power he had left.
"I heard him when he-" his brother says and a sob escapes his lips. Jake doesn't know what is happening, why is his brother crying? What did he hear? He goes over the sentence in his head.
He heard him when he
Heeseung heard him when he
Heeseung heard Sunoo when he-
Jake runs and wraps his arms around his brother.
Heeseung had heard Sunoo when he died.
"I-I don't know what came to me, it just-" Heeseung says between his sobs. "I did and when I managed to locate his mind and connect with him I-" more cries come his way. Tears start making their way down Jake's eyes as well.
He starts rubbing circles on Heeseung's back and he lets his mind wander. He faintly remembers how his brother broke down in front of the fire. That must've been the moment when he-
"He was in so much pain, he only wanted me to make it stop," he chokes out. "Oh God, Jake, he was in so much pain..."
Jake freezes when he hears that. Sunoo had been in pain. He had been engulfed in pure agony until his mind gave up. His brother had felt as his skin burned down, his bones turned to ashes and all Jake feels were the cold hands of grief wrapping his chest. Yet underneath the pain and the cold, there's a small part of his soul that sees something other than the pain.
Heeseung.
His brother is crying in his embrace and Jake can only hope that he doesn't notice the sobs that he's trying to keep quiet. He hopes this is enough. He knows it isn't but it's the only thing he can do. Jake continues to rub circles on his brother's back. His older brother, the confidant of the deepest corners of his mind, one of his pillars.
He holds Heeseung closer, hoping to feel some semblance of warmth.
The fire dances before him and he loses himself in it. The orange hues mix themselves with the golden ones and it reminds him of the most beautiful sunset he's ever seen. Fire had always amazed him and not just because of his powers but now... His eyebrows knit together at the memory. His fire was the cause of all this, it was the one who took Sunoo away.
"Here, have some hot chocolate," Jungwon hands him a cup, effectively snapping him out of thoughts.
"Thanks," he says before taking a sip and his face contours in an uncomfortable way. Oh, this is really hot. Jungwon chuckles and sits beside him on the couch. They stay in silent before the small fireplace before his brother talks again.
"It's good to see you out of your room".
"Yeah" is all he can think of. Silence falls upon them. Jake's mind returns to the fire and the voices run rampant in his head.
"Jungwon, I'm-".
"Don't," his brother interrupts him. Jake wants to object but his brother interrupts him before he can. "Stop apologizing like it's your fault".
"But it was, I-".
"Jake, it's not your fault".
"It could've saved him," Jake pleads.
"So could I," Jungwon says and Jake freezes.
So could he? No, he couldn't have. Jake's powers were the ones that could've saved his brother, maybe Jay's but Jungwon? No, it was impossible and the fact that Jungwon was blaming himself was enough to break Jake further, as if his soul hadn't already. He looks at his brother and sees his tired eyes and all of the pain hiding behind them. He's the reason they haven't collapsed yet, the only one strong enough to carry the burden of grief while he helped his brothers recover. There must be so much pain hidden behind those eyes, so much more than he can imagine.
"I feel like I could've gone there, use whatever was left of my power to get to him but then what?" his brother says. "I would've been stuck, no way for me to get out," he looks away, back to the fireplace. The fire illuminates his face like it had that night. "I couldn't".
Jake's eyes also go to the fire.
"I wasn't strong enough," he says. His voice breaks and tears start making their way down his cheeks. Jungwon moves closer and wraps his arms around him.
"Jake..." his brother coos and Jake can't help but bury himself in Jungwon's hug as he begins to sob. His throat starts to burn and the tears burn his skin.
"It's my fault" he manages in between his sobs.
"No Jake," his brother says as he softly plays with his hair in an attempt to calm him. "You tried to help and it wasn't you who started the fire" Jake shakes his head at that and Jungwon's hand ceases all movement.
"Jake..."
"I-I don't know anymore" his voice breaks again and he lets everything out. Sobs wreak his body and he could drown under the sea of tears and the pressure of knowing what he did to him, what he did to Sunoo.
"Jake, look at me" Jungwon says in a serious tone and it takes every single bit of Jake's being but he obliges. His brother looks at him, his eyes shaking as if they were looking for something within Jake's own.
"You didn't start the fire" Jungwon wraps his hands over Jake's, a reassuring gesture. "It wasn't you and I need you to understand that".
"But-".
"We found gasoline tanks and a box of matches nearby," he says and Jake's mind goes blank. "It wasn't you".
Before he knows it, Jake breaks into another fit of sobs and wails. He didn't start the fire, a voice in his head tells him and he cries in relief. A weight is lifted from his shoulders and although he knows he could've done more to save his brother, Jungwon's words have created some space in his mind for him to breathe without choking.
"It wasn't your fault. You didn't kill Sunoo, Jake".
He didn't. Jake hadn't started the fire, he hadn't killed his brother. He leans forward and Jungwon engulfs him in a warm hug. Jake cries, whether out of relief or out of guilt, he is not sure. Yet he cries and wails and grabs onto Jungwon like he's oxygen.
Jake can feel the ice that wraps around his chest slowly starts to melt. It's not much by any means, but it's a start.
Jake moves under the shades of the oak trees. It's a nice day, the sun shines and skies are clear. Jake walks and a smiles paints itself on his face as his eyes fix on a certain spot before him. A place with nice shade, surrounded by daisies and where he can hear a nearby stream. Sitting in the middle is Sunghoon, laying against a tree.
"Hey," he says as he approaches. His brother turns around and smiles.
"Hi," he says. Jake points out at the spot right next to where Sunghoon is sitting and the latter nods, inviting him to join him.
"How have you been?" Jake asks as he sits down.
"Better I guess".
"Did you bribe Jungwon to let you out?" Jake asks in an unserious tone and they both laugh at that. It is only then that Jake can get a glimpse of the marks that decorate Sunghoon's neck, previously hidden under the collar of his jacket.
Their laughs dies down and only the sound that remains is the singing of the birds. Still, after looking at his brother, Jake can't help but wonder...
"Does it hurt-"
"It doesn't" Sunghoon cuts him off, unconsciously taking a hand to his neck. He flinches when his hand makes contact with the bruises, a telltale that he's lying but Jake doesn't say anything.
"Heeseung told me what happened" Jake says.
"I-" his brother doesn't know what to say. A sad look settles into his eyes. "It's my fault".
"No Hoon".
"I trusted her and turns out I-" Sunghoon says and stops before his voice cracks.
Her.
Sooha.
Jake doesn't resent her. He really doesn't. If anything, he should be thankful. Maybe mortality had been a trick Selene had played on them in order to get to Sunoo. But the way Sunghoon's eyes would shine whenever he saw her, that hadn't been a trick. It couldn't have been.
"You love her, don't you?"
"I..." his brother hesitates. Sadness bleeds into his gaze. "I don't know anymore. I loved her, I think I did..."
Jake remembers them. The way Sunghoon would look at Sooha like she was the prettiest of stars in the night sky. The soft laughs and the whispers, like they were the only ones in the entire world.
"I don't think I know what love is supposed to feel like" he tells him. "Romantic love at least but if it makes me feel this..."
"Lost?"
"Hollow," Sunghoon tells him, a sad smile making its way into his lips. "If it makes me feel this hollow, I don't want it".
They stay silent for a while. The only thing Jake hears are the birds and the stream. That and Sunghoon's thought running wild. It must be a complicated feeling, he realizes. Different emotions bleed into each other and mix themselves like watercolor. What would the resulting color be like? Maybe a sad blue, maybe a melancholic orange. Whatever it is, Jake hopes is not an angry red. His brother doesn't deserve to live the rest of his days in anger. No one does.
"I think you loved her".
Sunghoon doesn't answer.
After making their way through the forest, they finally arrive at the lake. The vast blue expands before them and Jake drops the fishing rods he's holding and heads straight to the water. He manages to somehow take his shoes out as he runs and he stops right before the water. He stares at the water before him and after mustering up the courage, he takes a step forward.
The water barely touches his feet and Jake smiles. Sure, the water is cold but it feels... refreshing. Its coolness contrasts against the hot air and the sun that shines bright. He turns around to face his brother, who is calmly picking up the stuff he had dropped moments ago.
"Do you want me to help?"
"Is okay, you go swim" Jay tells him.
Jake turns around so he's facing the lake. He hastily takes off his shirt and throws it away. He takes a couple of steps back and closes his eyes, taking a deep breath. He can feel the water calling him, inviting him to dive in. Jake opens his eyes and he runs to the water.
He dives in and the coolness feels like needles puncturing his skin but the feeling soon fades away. Jake doesn't open his eyes. He moves his arms around and slowly makes his way to the surface. The water isn't cold anymore, it's just a cool, fresh feeling. He makes it to the surface and the warm sunlight welcomes him. He opens his eyes and he's momentarily blinded by the sun.
Jake loves it. The soft touch of the water around his body as the sunlight kisses his cheeks. He hadn't realized how much he needed this, how much his soul craved this feeling that now filled his chest and bled into every fiber of his body. Jake feels free. Jake is free. Free from the shackles of immortality, free from the burden of his power, free from the world.
He hears the water water splash next to him.
"Oh mother of-" Jay emerges from the water. "It's really cold," he says and Jake chuckles. "What?"
"Oh come on, it's not that cold".
"You little-" Jay splashes water at Jake and a small fight breaks between them.
Time flies as they spend the afternoon in the lake. They fight, play games and Jake swims whenever his brother goes back to check on the fishing rods. The skies turn from a light blue to a pale cobalt as the sun hides behind the trees. Jake makes his way out of the water as the first starts to paint themselves into the sky.
He sits next to Jay, who has already packed the fishing rods and is now resting. The lake is calm, only a few ripples disrupt the mirror before them.
"You're not leaving right?" Jake asks him, breaking the silence.
"I'm not".
"Sunghoon has forgiven you already".
"I know," Jay doesn't look at him.
Jake swallows just tears before speaking again.
"I know we are not this happy family we once were but-"
"We can try" his brother finishes for him.
"I miss him, Jay. I miss us".
"We'll get there," he reassures him. "We'll be a happy family again".
The skies are blue and the water rocks him to sleep. Heeseung and Jake are by the shore, preparing a campfire for them to eat. They had decided to have dinner by the lake tonight. Sunghoon and Jungwon must be in the house getting the drinks ready and Jake can do nothing but guess where Niki is.
Jake watches as the sky starts to change its color and so does the water that surrounds him. He should get to the shore soon, he thinks but there's something that prevents him from doing so. A force, originated from the deepest corners of the lake, grabbing every part of his body and keeping him engulfed by the water.
Jake doesn't fight it. Knowing he can't escape the grasp of the water, he decides to let his thoughts swim as well, he lets them roam around and drift in the water.
He thinks about his brothers.
He thinks about Heeseung. He remembers that time that his brother had taken him out of the house for a walk and they had ended up before this exact same lake. They hadn't been prepared at all but Jake had been hypnotized by the water. It was the first time he hadn't felt afraid of it, the first time after Sunoo had left them that he yearned to dive into the water.
They jumped at the count of three and it felt like eternity before they hit the water. He was disoriented and it had taken him more than he'd like to admit to swim to the surface. When he finally did and he took that breath that felt like the first one, he swears he could scream as adrenaline poured into his blood. He remembers looking at his brother and seeing his eyes shine, that light that he thought was lost during the fire.
He thinks about Jay. He thinks about the time Jay left. He had been in the greenhouse helping Heeseung when Niki ran into the place, asking if they had seen Jay. He won't forget the desperation and the fear that drenched the youngest's voice as he explained everything. How Jay's things were missing, how he couldn't find his brother anywhere near the house. They rushed to the forest, calling out for his brother, running around, scattering in hopes of covering more terrain so they could find him.
Jake returned long after the sunset. He had reached the edge of the forest more times than he could count, his voice was hoarse after screaming Jay's name for hours yet he had found nothing. No glimpse of his brother, no answer to his calls, not even a trace that would lead him to his brother. With a heavy heart, he made his way back to the house. It would have been an issue if he were missing as well. He found Sunghoon on his way back, no sign of Jay.
As they neared the house and the trees allowed them to see the lights, Jake stopped dead in his tracks. A few meters ahead, wrapped in a blanket and holding a cup of tea, was his brother. Jay.
Jake ran as fast as his body would allow him and he engulfed his brother in a hug. He cried as he held his older brother, asking millions of questions that would go unanswered. He felt more arms join the hug. A warm feeling filled his chest and he couldn't help but cry in relief. He didn't lose another brother, not this time.
He thinks about Sunghoon. He thinks back to all the times his brother had apologized to them, apologized to him. He remembers one night in particular. It was raining and Jake had decided to stay by the fireplace, reading a book he had found lying around. It was around midnight when Sunghoon appeared. His hair was messy and his eyes were red.
"Nightmare?" Jake had asked and his brother only nodded, looking away. Jake opened his arms and Sunghoon gladly dove into his embrace. He looked so vulnerable, so lost. His voice was laced with guilt and sorrow as he started murmuring apologies. Sunghoon apologized and cried, his sobs making his words unintelligible yet he continued. Jake held him until he fell asleep.
He thinks about Jungwon. He remembers the time he woke up after crying his eyes out in his brother's arms. After learning that he hadn't been the one who had started the fire, Jake had seemingly fallen asleep in his brother's arms.
He had woken up in his bed, a hand stroking his hair. He looked up, only to find Jungwon sitting on a chair next to him, reading a book as he stroked his hair.
"Hey," his brother said once he noticed he was awake. "I was worried about you".
They had talked for hours after that. About the fire, about their powers, about Selene and about Sooha. Jake had cried more than once and Jungwon had always been there for him.
It wasn't fair for Jungwon. How all of them relied on him to be the strong one, the shoulder they could cry on. Sunoo was Jungwon's older brother, he was grieving like all of them yet...
He thinks about Niki. He remembers that one time they both had woken up before sunrise and had accidentally met up in the kitchen. They had laughed at the fact that both of them had tried to sneak in and steal some snacks but then they decided to go out for a walk.
They left a note telling Jungwon that they would be home in a couple of hours, they had taken some tea and they set off. They reached the lake minutes before sunrise and they hurried to set everything up before the sun rose.
They sat, drank some tea and talked as the first rays of sunlight touched them. There was nothing aside from them. The lake perfectly reflected the beautiful sky as the last star left the sky and the warm rays made their way across the sky. The birds would start singing and the tea would turn cold, but in that moment, the laughs and jokes and feelings he shared with his brother felt eternal. They were eternal.
Lastly, he thinks about Sunoo. He thinks about his brother, the one that fate ripped from them. He was gone too soon, far too soon.
His mind wanders to the fire, to that fateful night. He takes a deep breath and decides not to dwell on it. He lets the memory pass, even if it burns his mind. There's no worth in holding on to the pain, that's something he had to learn the hard way. He chooses to remember his brother instead.
He remembers his smile, the way he would squint his eyes whenever he was happy. He remembers his laugh, his voice, his soft skin and Jake lets out a broken smile. He remembers him and he hopes he will for many years to come but knowing he will never get to see him again, hear him again, it hurts. Chasing after the shadow of his brother, holding on to a memory because that's all he can do still hurts.
"Jake!" Heeseung calls him from the shore. "Dinner's ready".
Jake looks at the sky one more time, looking at the stars that start appearing in the sky. His eyes wander among them, wondering if Sunoo is there, watching them from above. He likes to think he is, that he's watching them and that he is smiling, the way Jake likes to remember him.
He slowly starts to make his way back to the shore, the water and the stars following close behind him.