Work Text:
A birthday gift for Plankto. Apologies 😛
Somewhere in a dingy bar in a back alley of a city in Japan a group of people with questionable morals sat in sullen silence, sipping a variety of drinks. They were bored and not sure what to do with the rest of the day. Itching to cause havoc in the meantime of waiting for a part of a bigger ploy to finish. That is, until their leader sauntered in, a wicked smirk on his face. His red eyes scanned the gathered group and he waved one of his hands.
“Who wants to fuck up a school?” asked Shigaraki. It’s safe to say that all hands were lifted.
.
It was a regular spring day, one much like many others, sunny and with no unscheduled distractions from the lessons and training. Aizawa massaged a mild headache that was plaguing him since the lunch break. It was an insignificant nuisance, honestly. Nothing like the migraines or the massive headaches brought forth by his hectic sleeping schedule.
Soon, he told himself, soon he could retreat to the teachers’ lounge and have his afternoon coffee.
Class 2A, the pride and pain of the school, the bane of Aizawa’s existence, stood in their hero suits in front of him, gathered in little groups of friends. OnlyKoda was missing, being on sick leave. Baku and Deku squads were almost mixed at this point, their leaders, the problem children, bending their heads over a notebook and quarreling as quietly as they could over whatever was on its pages. Knowing Midoriya it was probably a detailed plan of defeating some pro hero. Jiro was playing with her earphone jacks as she talked with Ashidou, who was grinning like a mad woman.. Kaminari was pouting and pretending he wasn’t casting glances at Shinso, who appeared to be asleep standing next to Tokoyami.
Aizawa glanced to the side, where Yagi just stopped walking next to him, a smile making his gaunt face look proud and serene. The fond look in his blue eyes was almost disgusting, even if Aizawa was as proud and fond of the bunch of brats as the former number one. He was just better at concealing his feelings.
“Attention, class, the teachers are here!” Ida commanded, his hand cutting the air like it could grab the attention of anyone of his classmates. No one really noticed that.
“So,” as soon as Aizawa spoke the whole group of hero hopefuls turned to face him, their notebooks, phones and water bottles forgotten. Keen eyes seemed to take in his every motion. “Today we’re going to do some rescue and…”
His words trailed off. His eyes were drawn to a big purple and black eddy in the air that bloomed in the space twenty meters to their left. It looked like ink suspended in the air.
“Oh, no,” Toshinori’s voice sounded concerned.
Gasps came out of the class and they shifted immediately, standing to face the approaching threat.. Swiftly, before any of the hotheads could decide to attack, Aizawa took a place in front of his charges.
In the meantime a few members of the League of Villains stepped out of the portal and stood there. Toga waved a hand, cheerfully greeting Urarakaand problem child number one. Dabi winked at Todoroki. Shigaraki, positioned in the middle, scowled at them all.
“Villains. What are you doing here?” Aizawa decided to ask. Behind him he could hear someone mutter that they probably wanted their butts kicked.
“Heroes,” Shigaraki smirked. “Believe it or not, we didn’t come here to fight.”
That didn’t mean anything and no one relaxed. If possible, some of his class seemed to tense even more. A constant soft muttering could be heard from somewhere to his left.
“Then what do you want?” Yagi asked, straightening his back. He didn’t look threatening, not when one knew how he had looked before his retirement. No one of the villains was intimidated even when he stepped forward to stand next to Aizawa, who turned his head just far enough to give Ida a pointed look. The class rep nodded sharply and slowly started backing away, his engines humming where he was preparing himself to run for backup at the first opportunity.
“We brought gifts!” Toga exclaimed happily. She practically danced where she stood, waving her hands around like an unhinged windmill.
“Greatest of all time gifts,”” Dabi sounded amused as well, even if he just stood there and wasn’t trying to torch anyone yet.
“We don’t want your lousy gifts!” Bakugo yelled. Sounding a spark away from exploding the countryside.
Aizawa blinked when he noticed that while the villains were talking, Twice emerged from the portal. He was leading something on a string. The hero resisted an urge to rub at his eyes when he saw what was on the other end of the string.
“Meee,” said a brown goat. Twice, smiling like a fool. Bent down and placed a kiss between its horns before removing the string and patting the animal on the back. The goat trotted away. In the meantime another Twice came with another goat, repeating the whole process. And then yet another appeared. Twice just went back to the portal, bringing more animals.
“Goats,” Aizawa ventured to utter in his usual monotone voice. His eyes found Shigaraki’s face, looking for an explanatory monologue. The class behind his back seemed to just notice the animals who spread in different directions, wandering away in their newfound freedom, probably searching for grass to graze. Or whatever goats ate, Aizawa wasn’t sure. From what he’d heard goats had an affinity for drapes.
“Yup,” the villain popped the ‘p’ sound and smirked. “A dozen. Or so..”
“What the heck?” asked a bewildered Kirishima, giving voice to Aizawa’s feelings on the matter.
“Did you see something specific on them?” Shigaraki asked in a conversational voice. Aizawa shrugged.
“A harness imitating a shirt,” he murmured. The villain nodded.
“We stuck under those shirts a bunch of explosives. Will go off in half an hour,” Shigaraki informed. The rest of his group was already at the portal, but he was still standing there, watching the class with mirth. “Have fun collecting them.”
And with that the League retreated, the portal disappearing in an instant.
“A dozen goats!” shrieked a student. Aizawa looked around. There was no goat in sight. Shit.
“Class, pair up and go after those goats!” he commanded. “Ida, alert the principal. Don’t approach the animals, we don’t know if the explosives can go off on contact. Try to herd them towards the plaza,”
He spoke in the nick of time, before his eager students had a chance to come up with their own reckless plan. One look at Midoriya told Aizawa he had been already holding a notebook with half a page covered in his handwriting. The class president ran off with a cloud of dust trailing after him like the braid of a comet. The students paired up in the matter of seconds, then dispersed. Various yells could be heard along the way in every direction and Aizawa cursed their bad luck. Why had it been one of the rare days when Koda was sick?
He wanted coffee.
“Should we go too?” Yagi asked and Aizawa glanced back at him.
“Can you disarm an explosive??”
“Of course,” the retired hero puffed out his boney chest. Aizawa was not surprised, nor was he impressed. Being a top ranking pro made it necessary to know many useful skills. It was surprising how many times the villains left the heroes with bombs to deal with.
“Go to the plaza and disarm the goats the class brings to you then,” well, that was a sentence Aizawa had never expected himself to say. Wait till Mike hears that.
“Of course, you can count on me,” AllMight nodded and with that settled Aizawa ran off in search of his own goat.
.
A black goat was staring down Denki. It was chewing thoughtfully at his sleeve and making little noises of displeasure every time the boy took a step back, just for it to follow him unhurriedly, recapturing his unfortunate sleeve. Denki looked up from where he was looking at the odd yellow eyes of the animal to find Kirishima following the creature a few paces away. His partner gave him an encouraging smile.
“Almost there,” he said quietly so as not to startle the goat. The goat yanked at the sleeve and almost pulled Kaminari to the ground. With a small gasp of distress the blonde reacted instinctively, releasing some of his quirk.
Both boys froze when the goat suddenly fluffed its coat and shook, little sparks arching away from its horns and towards the tips of its ears. Then, with a strangled noise, the goat fell to the ground, twitching a bit, confused and more than a bit panicked.
As it went it finally tore off the soaked in saliva sleeve. What it didn’t do was explode on impact.
A second passed. Then the goat started to scramble up to its hooves, probably planning a hasty escape. Before it could do that, Kirishima stood in its path, spreading his arms to cover more space. The goat huffed at him, lowered its head and stomped its feet as if to make sure it could push off the ground with as much force as possible. Then it attacked.
Kaminari yelped in sympathy when the beast struck. Were any other of his classmates in Kirishima’s place, they would be in terrible pain on the ground, but Kirishima had been prepared for a hit, so he had hardened himself.
“Hey, it wasn’t manly,” he scolded the goat and grabbed it by the horn that had rammed against his crotch. “NOw, “NOw… Denki, are you okay?”
“Y-yeah,” Kaminarri said and wiped at his teary eyes with his not damaged sleeve. His cheeks were ghostly pale.
“Just startled.”
Kirishima nodded. Kaminari took hold of the other horn after a minute of composing himself, then the boys dragged the goat towards the plaza. It was too dazed to put up a fight.
.
“We can call her Cher and she will be the mascot of the class,” Aoyama told Tokoyami, gesturing at the brown animal grazing on the grass on the other side of the fence encircling a small playground. Tokoyami shrugged, but Dark Shadow gave an eager nod.
“Yes! We can definitely make Aizawa let us keep it,” the shadow creature screeched. “It’ll be so metal!”
“First let’s focus on delivering the beast to the teachers,” Tokoyami said, trying to direct their focus to the important stuff.
“Don’t fret, mon ami,I have a plan,” Aoyama grinned happily. It was a reassuring grin and TOkoyami foolishly believed it.
Two minutes later Dark Shadow was thrashing around behind his back, cackling like an insane monstrosity touched by Hastur’s madness. Tokoyami wasn’t even paying attention to it’s attempt at speech as he was more focused on taking in the scene in front of him.
“Aide! Sauve-moi de la bête !!” The blonde screeched as he ran in circles around a sandbox, the goat in hot pursuit, making unholy noises and trying to latch at the loose piece of fabric from Aoyama’s uniform.
“Calamity.” The boy with the head of a bird let out a long suffering sigh, then commanded his shadow to behave. It took a minute to make him obey, but then together they moved over the fence and towards the screaming classmate. It was an exercise. A step on the road of becoming heroes. He had to approach the situation with calm efficiency.
He removed his cape, then shook it out in where he hoped the animal could see it.
“Ole,” he said, not quite sure if it would work on a goat.
“Our goat was bigger.”
“Certainly your sight is as poor as your hearing. Ourwas far bigger than yours. Just look at them side by side.”
Todoroki pointed a finger towards where Aizawa and Yagi were standing over a makeshift goat pen containing all the found animals, freed from their harnesses and explosives, which were safely disassembled. The rest of the class stood nearby, watching the resident explosion boy and bichromatic one quarrel like one would watch a tennis match. Midoriya and Yaoyorozu standing next to their partners just cast embarrassed and exasperated looks at each other, finding solace in mutual understanding.
“Goats number three and nine,” Momo supplied and many students looked towards the aforementioned numbers to find that, yeah, the goats were like twins. Each animal had a small collar with a number tag hanging from it, so there was no mistaking which was which. Bakugo scowled.
“Fuck you, our was harder to get. The asshole got itself stuck on the roof of a shed…” he launched into an explanation. Todoroki pointedly looked at Midoriya.
“You say you had issues getting to the roof of a shed? With your quirks?” he inquired in an infuriatingly monotone voice. Midoriya shrugged and looked to the side.
“Shut up, like I could use my explosions near the bombs, dumbass,” Bakugo growled. After a moment he added. “And Deku did float up to it. It tried to eat his hair. Probably thought he was a broccoli.”
He snickered while Midoriya glared at him. Kaminari, who still missed his sleeve, gave him a sympathetic look. Being chewed on by a goat wasn’t a hing a hero should experience.
“You promised not to tell them!” Deku pouted.
“Sorry, applecheeks, this bastard has to learn his place.”
“Kac-chan!” Deku flailed his arms and tried to cover his blushing face. Many giggles and other noises of amusement could be heard from the peanut gallery.
“Our goat was hidden in a market,” Todoroki informed them, drawing attention away from the poor embarrassed boy. “Stalking us throughout the area and confusing us with its calls in the dark.”
“You literally froze its hooves to the floor and we found it on skates in the dairy section” Momo rubbed at hertemple. “It was hardly a battle.”
Todoroki made his version of a pout at her refusal to share their adventure as a more thrilling one.
“Where is number ten?” Aizawa’s dry voice stopped the argument and drew everyone’s attention to the teachers. Yagi was counting goats, pointing a thin finger at each one as he murmured under his breath. Tension that had disappeared after each team had brought their goats rose again.
“There are eleven of them,” he said worriedly. “And there is no goat with a ten on its tag.”
“Each team got one and Aizawa-sensei got two,” Uraraka remembered. “But… One team was thre people because Mineta had no partner…”
“How long until detonation?” asked Kirishima, hardening his shoulders in anxiety.
“Ten minutes,” Momo glanced at her watch. “Should we go sweep the area again?”
“Do it,” Aizawa nodded. “If you don’t find it in seven minutes, get back here. I don’t want anyone getting into blast radius.”
With a resounding ‘yes, sensei!’ The class ran off again, frantically looking for the missing goat.
Five minutes passed. No goat was found. Nothing exploded.
Ten minutes passed. Nothing exploded. The class, once again gathered at the plaza, exchanged confused looks.
Half an hour passed. Nothing exploded. The class was halfway through a thorough search of every nook and cranny of the mock city. Nothing exploded. No new goat was found.
A quarter of an hour later Ida came back with no additional heroes to aid in the search. Bakugo exploded when the class rep told them that the security staff had checked the camera feed And had counted only eleven goats being brought by the villains.
.
Somewhere in Japan, in a dingy bar the members of the League were cackling and spilling their various drinks over the bar as they watched the live feed from the UA traitor showing the reaction of the class.
Yet another flawless plan to destabilize the peace. Yet another log thrown under the feet of the heroes. Yet another evil deed on their list of foul endeavors.