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He didn't understand how he had ended up in this situation. Perhaps it was the series of unrelated events and coincidences that people liked to call fate. Most likely, fate really did have some very strange jokes. Perhaps this was his test?
It seemed to be nothing special, the same as always. Asuka was walking ahead of him, her back proudly straight, her pale nose turned up to the blazing sun. She was speaking so fast and so loudly that one might think she didn't realise that a normal person couldn't understand such an unrestrained stream of consciousness. Almost everyone on the street was paying attention to them, as if to remind Shinji that he was the only one who should be uncomfortable in this situation. Shinji was indeed the only one, because Asuka obviously didn't care, and that was a part of this girl he had understood almost from the moment they met.
But that was normal. It was just as normal as the way she routinely disregarded even the most basic of manners, calling everyone she met by their first name with ease. It was probably the German rules, and Shinji tried to respect them. After all, Asuka was a foreigner.
But there had to be some kind of boundaries. And those boundaries had been broken; Shinji was sure of that much. He was also sure that the attention of the people around him was focused on him and Asuka, mainly because of what was happening.
They were holding hands.
Well, more like Asuka was holding his hand.
Well, more like her fingers were locked around his wrist like handcuffs. Shinji was literally being dragged forward like a prisoner to the penal servitude that was the school.
No one had given him any coherent explanation as to why things had to happen the way they did. Only Asuka's ridiculous excuses about how they were elite Evangelion pilots, the protectors of the Earth, and how she wouldn't let a lazy boy like him be late for school and ruin her status.
Shinji had no idea that he could have had anything to do with Asuka's status at all. Asuka herself was always ready to remind him who the real professional was, and that wasn't a subject he wanted to argue about.
Now she was leading him around the city by the wrist, and what would be next? Kissing him on the cheek in greeting? What else did they do in Germany? Shinji wasn't sure he wanted this. No, of course, he certainly wanted it, but didn't it require a closer relationship? Not whatever they had at the moment?
The fact that Shinji himself hadn't thought about the different stages of the relationship when he almost kissed Asuka in her sleep a few days ago had successfully slipped out of his mind, which was now completely focused on the slender fingers around his wrist. Not to mention the fact that his hand...
"...is simply unbearable, just impossible!" Asuka said. "How can you even stand it?"
What is she talking about now?
Asuka snarled in indignation when she saw Shinji's confused face. This drew a few more looks from the passers-by. "Are you listening to me or not?"
"Yeah?" Shinji lied as masterfully as he ran away from his problems. "I was just thinking."
"Thinking about this? Are you stupid? What's there to ponder for so long, it's obvious to any sane person! This heat is terrible! Japan is weird," she said.
Shinji frowned. Japan was certainly no weirder than this girl. But Asuka was right. The sun burned the ground and everyone who walked on it. The eternal summer was making itself felt, and right now Shinji could feel that his shirt was already uncomfortably wet. The sweat on his skin glistened in the sunlight, and the handcuff on his wrist burned as if it were made of real metal.
Shinji glanced down at his hand, and then at Asuka's hand that held his arm. His eyes ran along her wrist and forearm, travelling higher. The hair behind her right ear was a noticeably different shade of red. Slightly damp, a sign that Asuka was in a similar state to Shinji now.
Things like that confused him. It really is hot outside, so why complicate everything by holding his hand? It must be uncomfortable for her. This girl was a complete mystery, always inconsistent in her actions. It seemed especially strange in light of recent events.
Shinji remembered what had happened after they had bathed in the volcanic magma together. It had not been pleasant at all, but Misato had promised to take them to the hot springs where they had been able to bathe under much better conditions. Everyone was happy about that, including Asuka. At least that's what Shinji thought until the evening of the day they came home.
He stood in front of the open cupboards in the kitchen and thought about what he could cook tonight and tomorrow. It was a relatively quiet evening after a hard day's work. Shinji was in a state of pleasant fatigue, the kind that comes after a nice hot bath at the end of the day. A little smile on his face, eyes half open. Misato had drunk a can of beer and gone to bed, and Asuka was probably asleep too. Nothing could disturb his quiet bliss.
His serenity was interrupted by a faint hiss behind him. It was Asuka, trying in vain to hide her displeased mood with a loud whisper.
"What was Misato even thinking when she suggested something like that?"
Shinji turned around. Asuka was standing in front of him in an oversized yellow shirt, obviously without a bra, her eyes closed, her hair loose. In a rather comical way, she was waving her palm in front of her flushed face like a fan, trying to cool herself down.
"What are you talking about? And why are you whispering?" Shinji said, trying not to be distracted by her appearance.
Asuka, without stopping her fan-like movements, frowned and opened her eyes. "Isn't it obvious? I was dying down there, inside a volcano, and I got hot springs from Misato as a gift?"
Did she mean it wasn't a very good reward? Shinji could have reminded her that the best reward was that Asuka had survived, but arguing about that was currently beyond him.
"You don't like hot baths, Asuka?"
Asuka snorted and exhaled heavily, the stream of air from her mouth lifting her fringe and exposing her forehead. "Tell me, who could possibly enjoy sitting in hot water after being boiled alive?"
Shinji was sure he was the one who had been boiled alive earlier that day. But he enjoyed the water afterwards. Didn't Europeans take hot baths? The thought of even the slightest possibility of them not doing so was horrifying, and it showed on Shinji's face. He tried to hide his grimace behind a guilty, dumb smile.
"But you, you said…" Shinji began to scratch his head, trying to find the words. "You were happy to go to the springs. Why didn't you tell Misato?"
"Oh, men," she sighed again. "Didn't you see how excited she was? I didn't want to spoil the moment. I was trying to be polite and not act out of character."
To be polite? Out of character? Coming from a girl who didn't think twice before insulting him on a daily basis? Something just didn't click in his head.
Or maybe he really was stupid.
Someone pulling Shinji's hand in another direction brought him back from his thoughts to reality. A reality in which he still didn't understand what Asuka wanted from him, or his hand for that matter. Asuka's hand no longer completely clutched his wrist. Instead, it had slid downwards so that their palms were closer together, as if he and Asuka were trying to actually grasp each other's hands. Shinji was sure that in this position, he could comfortably encircle Asuka's thumb, if not more.
No, that wasn't even up for debate. It was all definitely sweat, and Asuka's wet hand slipped slightly from the dead grip on his wrist. It couldn't have been any other way. All that was left was to wait for her hand to slip completely into his, and for Asuka to realise the gravity of the situation and come to her senses. It would be very awkward, but it was necessary to end this farce. All he had to do was wait a little longer.
Besides, Shinji couldn't afford to have any intimate fantasies about walking hand in hand with a girl like her, not to mention the fact that Asuka was unlikely to be embarrassed by something like that. It looked as if it meant nothing to her. Like walking a dog on a leash.
Could this be another moment of Asuka trying to be "polite"? Maybe she's doing him a favour? Maybe she sees through him and knows what he's thinking about her after all the times she called him a pervert, and now she's giving him a part of her body, knowing exactly what it looks like, even if she doesn't like it? Maybe it's a strange way of apologising for the horror that happened earlier?
He wouldn't put up with that kind of humiliation. Especially after this morning.
Shinji was by no means a cook, nor did he think of himself as one. But the cooking in the Katsuragi household fell on his shoulders. His hope that sharing a space with not one but two women would make this task easier had failed. Where one girl was an example of a mad scientist in the kitchen trying to destroy humanity, the other was an example of impossible arrogance. In fact, Shinji was glad that he could control what he ate himself. Not the worst outcome, considering all the variables.
Asuka was apparently less pleased with this outcome. From the very first days a wave of strange criticism had fallen on Shinji and Japanese food in general. Strange food, all too simple and boring. It was probably Asuka who was too complicated, and there was no problem with the food, but Shinji didn't want to make a big deal of it.
But the thought of this young girl being away from home right now lodged itself firmly in his mind. Asuka was clearly having a hard time living in a new culture. It was unlikely that Shinji could do anything with his abilities to help with that in any way, and it was also unlikely that he would get any words of approval from Asuka. But he was willing to do at least something.
His brilliant idea was sushi. It was a perfect compromise, something he knew how to make. A relatively simple thing, popular outside of Japan and familiar to almost everyone. Shinji was sure that for Asuka it wouldn't be another strange dish, but some semblance of normality, given the situation. Clearly she had eaten sushi before, and knew what it was. She might even like his simple and elegant approach.
A set of nigiri and maki sushi with salmon and tuna was prepared and waiting on the table for the degustator, along with a pair of chopsticks. There was wasabi and soy sauce to appease the appetite of a girl who found almost everything bland. Nothing could go wrong.
Asuka came out of her room, already dressed in her school uniform, and looked down at the table. Unlike usual, there were no comments. On her face Shinji saw an emotion he didn't quite understand. Surprised, wide-open eyes and an attempt to say something, then an abrupt change to frowning eyebrows and tight lips. Asuka turned and ran back to her room.
Did this food really look that bad? Why was this girl always so hard to interact with? Did she really have to hurt him that much?
Shinji realised things were much worse when Asuka returned to the table less than a minute later.
She brought a fork.
Shinji's left eye started twitching nervously. He'd hoped the fork was meant for his eye, for his stomach, for anything but the food on the table. But hopes were made to be destroyed.
Asuka, in her usual style, shattered all expectations. First, she decided that the soy sauce in the special bowl wasn't enough, so she poured in more, so much that it almost spilled out of the sides. Next, she used that fork to scoop up so much wasabi that it looked like she was going to cover the whole roll with the green colour. Smearing the wasabi on the sushi like butter on toast, Asuka plunged the fork into the sushi from top to bottom as if it was the heart of a fallen enemy.
It might as well have been Shinji's heart right then.
But even that wasn't enough. She dipped the entire sushi roll into the soy sauce, nearly submerging it, trying to soak it completely, drowning all of Shinji's hopes.
He couldn't believe it. It couldn't be that Asuka didn't know how to eat sushi like a normal person, could it? She was obviously teasing him. A couple of weeks ago, he hadn't batted an eye when, during their dance synchronisation training, she pulled a camping fork out of her backpack to eat ramen. Shinji wasn't about to judge someone who was new to this country for something like that. There was no time; their lives were at stake in the battle against the Angel. His stubbornness and pride mattered very little.
But now it was completely different. Food just couldn't be mocked like that. He couldn't be mocked like that. Shinji wouldn't call himself a violent person, but right now he was ready to say a couple of words.
Asuka didn't pay any attention to him or his shock and anger. In fact, she seemed to be completely absorbed in her meal. She ate loudly, almost smacking her lips. Out of pleasure? Shinji found himself confused again. If Asuka was so happy, which was rare, who was he to scold her for not eating "correctly" what he had prepared especially for her?
Strangely enough, Asuka still wasn't able to hear his thoughts. Instead she had her eye on a piece of nigiri with salmon. And that was going to be a huge challenge for both her and Shinji.
From a purely scientific, physical point of view, Shinji fully understood that it was possible to eat maki rolls with a fork. The proof was right in front of him. But nigiri? That was impossible. The fork would only destroy it; how was Asuka supposed to eat it like that?
Asuka slowed down a little. She put the fork down and grabbed the chopsticks, almost shyly. Shinji breathed a sigh of relief. Surely Asuka understood that much; she was a genius after all.
The genius took a chopstick in each hand.
For perhaps the first time in his life, Shinji became fully aware of the meaning of "being lost for words".
Asuka really tried to use this very original technique with patience and dedication, he could give her that. One attempt to grab the sushi from both sides, two attempts, three more attempts and she managed to get the food into some sort of acceptable position between the chopsticks to lift it up. Slowly she moved most of her body, hands, chopsticks and nigiri, towards the plate of soy sauce, trying not to disturb the balance. Her hands occasionally shook with the effort.
The innocent sushi turned into a high diver, slipped off the chopsticks, did a backflip and landed in the soy water. The judge in the kitchen didn't like the entry - too many drops on the table. Lowest possible score.
Asuka gasped and checked her clothes, trying to find any stains. She quickly turned to Shinji. It was hard for him to watch this competition. He had no idea that it would be so hard for Asuka to eat sushi. But in her eyes and her slightly open mouth, he noticed the strange signs. Could it be that Asuka was ashamed that he could see her unable to do something?
Shinji turned around and pretended to be busy drying the plates. If he guessed right, it would be much better to let Asuka do whatever she wanted without making her feel uncomfortable. He wasn't willing to gloat in this case; that would just be wrong. It would just be bad to say anything when Asuka obviously enjoyed the food, even if her way of enjoying it was barbaric. But he couldn't understand why she couldn't talk to him about this. Of course, it wasn't a problem and he could have helped her with simple tasks like that?
"You know," she said with her mouth full, continuing to eat sushi with her bare hands, not taking her eyes off her food, words barely comprehensible for Shinji, "it's not so bad, but isn't it too simple?"
The nerve of that girl. She ate almost the whole plate in a couple of minutes and now she says things like that without any shame?
"Hmm, you could have added something else here. Maybe cheese, make something like a Philadelphia roll next time, would you?"
Shinji almost dropped the plate he was holding. The sound of the broken plate would definitely have covered the sound of his teeth grinding against each other.
"Phila-what?!"
Asuka took the last nigiri with her hand and threw it into her mouth. "Hmm, I guess it's not surprising that Japanese people don't know the best part of Japanese cuisine. That's it, time for school!"
She rose from the table, grabbed the bag in her left hand, Shinji's wrist in her right, and dragged the angry cook towards the exit.
And that was the whirlwind of thoughts swirling around Shinji's head. Certainly the last thing he needed was to be dragged around like a puppy after this morning's catastrophe.
Surprisingly, in the present, as if in response to his thoughts, he felt no one else holding his hand now. And Shinji realised that he was just walking forward, as if he were going with the flow, not paying attention to anything around him, completely absorbed in trying to figure out who Asuka was.
"Shinji!"
Her piercing scream reminded him of his surroundings, as it often did. Shinji looked around.
There he stood, at the edge of the road.
There were the cars, driving down the road.
There was a red traffic light in front of him.
There was Asuka's hand, now actually in his, stopping him from walking forward.
There was Asuka's face, centimetres away from his, red either from heat or anger. Was she scared?
"What are you, a complete idiot? I told you I wanted to get water from the vending machine, and you kept walking! And straight ahead, without stopping, at a red light!"
There was his face, turning the same shade of red as hers as the realisation of what happened hit him.
"S-sorry," he said, "it must be the heat."
"I told you!" She took a deep breath, without moving away from Shinji, and lowered her head to see their hands together.
Her eyes bulged and her face took on a new shade of red. In a wave of embarrassment she tried to pull her hand away as if from a fire.
See, I told you, he thought, even though he hadn't said anything. Now she realised, now she was embarrassed just the same. Because of him.
Shinji reflexively tried to grab her hand as it moved away, as if unwilling to let go of their new routine. He partially succeeded. In these movements their hands formed a new shape - now they were not holding each other, but merely clasping each other's little fingers, and nothing more.
Both of them turned their faces synchronously and moved away from each other a little bit, but their fingers didn't separate.
Asuka came to her senses first. She turned up her nose, but her voice trembled, "W-well, I guess I really should walk you through the difficult streets to school in a situation like this! All we have to do is wait for the green light."
"Asuka, it's.. it's blue."
"What?"
"The traffic light," Shinji said, "in Japan it's blue, not green."
"You've got to be kidding me."
The traffic light changed to a blue hue.
"That can't be. It must be the heat..." Asuka said, hurrying forward and tightening the grip on his finger with hers.
Shinji still didn't understand Asuka. But here he was, walking next to her, almost holding her hand. And the more he thought about every moment, the more he realised that he wanted more.
He wanted to know more about everything. He wanted to know more about these hands that confused him so. How could they, so small and soft, be so fragile and strong? What else were they capable of? What else were they not capable of? Why did they seek him? Why did they speak louder than Asuka? Could Shinji teach them how to write kanji and hold chopsticks? Could he teach them the other things too? Why did their nails not look like those of the fancy kind of girl Shinji thought Asuka was, but looked perfectly ordinary and trimmed, just like his own? Could it be because Asuka was an Evangelion pilot and it would be difficult to wear the plugsuit otherwise? Or was Asuka not interested in such girly things and was above it all?
Shinji's head was filled with random and silly thoughts. It had to be the heat, certainly, not anything else. But he really wanted to get to know Asuka. He wanted to understand her. Maybe not right now, not tomorrow morning, not in the distant future, but gradually, over time. Maybe just like now, just like their hands were trying to understand each other, little by little, finger by finger.
Maybe he really had a chance.
Maybe in time.