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Contrary to popular belief, Sakusa Kiyoomi was someone who loved his family. You might even go as far as to call him a family person— perhaps it was because his family didn't get together often that he cherished every moment he could get with them.
Kiyoomi's parents had messaged him earlier that day, asking if he and Atsumu would spend the holidays with them this year. The message sounded oddly enthusiastic and Kiyoomi's heart warmed at the thought that his parents seemed to have no problem with the whole boyfriend thing anymore.
Therefore, he couldn't wait to tell Atsumu. He was almost vibrating in excitement when he called his boyfriend into the living room to spill the news.
However, he was not expecting the confused, almost offended, look Atsumu threw at him as a first reaction.
The next following minutes happened in a blur. Kiyoomi remembered how Atsumu clicked his tongue out of nowhere, resulting in him asking what was wrong. Kiyoomi thought Atsumu would be happy to meet his family again, properly and for real this time, but apparently, he couldn't have been more wrong.
Atsumu seemed to be annoyed and Kiyoomi didn't know why.
"What do you mean we're not spending Christmas—"
"I've already told you!" Kiyoomi raised his voice slightly. He was growing more and more frustrated because Atsumu just wouldn't listen. "My family is excited to have us over during Christmas,"
Atsumu crossed his arms in front of his chest and glared at him. Kiyoomi didn't know how they went from him wanting to discuss Christmas plans to this mess of almost throwing insults at each other's heads— how it had all spiraled down to their first real fight as a couple, Kiyoomi didn't know.
"Yeah, and I thought we were spending it with Ma, Samu and Sunarin again!"
"Why would you assume that we're spending the holidays down in Hyogo?" Kiyoomi snapped. "You didn't even talk with me about it first!"
Atsumu scoffed and Kiyoomi felt an uncomfortable heat wash over him. It felt as if Atsumu wasn't actually taking him seriously, as if Kiyoomi was joking about the whole matter of wanting to spend Christmas with his family instead of Atsumu's.
It was their second Christmas as a couple— last year they drove to Hyogo and now it was only fair to visit the Sakusa family this time.
"I always hear you complaining about your parents!" Atsumu snarked back. "Always saying how fucking lonely you felt because they were barely there, always busy! And now?" Atsumu scoffed again which only fueled Kiyoomi's growing anger. "And now you want to tell me that you want to spend the holidays with your family because 'apparently', they look forward to having us over?"
Atsumu sent daggers in Kiyoomi's direction and he hated how small it made him feel. "You can't be fucking serious!"
"Just because I said I was feeling lonely a lot during my childhood doesn't mean I hate my own damn parents!" Kiyoomi hated everything about this. He hated telling Atsumu this, hated how he had to justify that his parents wanted their son and his boyfriend over. What he hated the most, however, was that he was even fighting with Atsumu, his boyfriend, to begin with.
"Besides," Kiyoomi spoke again after taking a deep breath. A desperate try to calm himself down. "It's not entirely my parents' fault that I was alone so ofte—"
"Do you really want to do this now, Kiyoomi?" The full name, Atsumu had never called him by his full name since they started dating.
"Do what?" he asked because he was genuinely clueless about what Atsumu could possibly mean. "I don't want to have this fight, no,"
His boyfriend sighed and began to massage the bridge of his nose. "No, of course, you don't," Atsumu chuckled without any humor in it. "Don't play the victim card on me now," Atsumu was now back to glaring at him. "I can't fucking stand it,"
Okay. Wow. That hurt Kiyoomi more than he wanted to admit. So whenever he was pouring his heart out to his boyfriend, Atsumu saw it as him playing...the victim? Saw it as, what, emotionally manipulating him?
His heart stung.
"Well sorry for entrusting you with my problems then!" Kiyoomi yelled. "If you can't stand it then I will just fucking stop!"
"That's not—"
"Shut your mouth!" Kiyoomi never felt so angry, never felt so frustrated, and he never felt so hurt before. "Oh! And while we're at it, why don't you just visit your family and I visit mine!"
"Oh sure, that's great actually!" Atsumu said, voice dripping with sarcasm. "I wouldn't have wanted to stay at your family's house anyway. Who knows? Maybe I would've been left alone then, too,"
Kiyoomi didn't know why Atsumu was mocking him in such a...cruel way now. He didn't know what he did wrong, seriously. Was it so bad that he wanted him and Atsumu to spend Christmas with his parents this year?
It was silent between them for a brief moment and Kiyoomi only realized he had started crying when Atsumu's eyes widened in surprise all of a sudden.
Now, he felt the hot tears streaming down his cheeks, leaving an uncomfortable wet trail behind them.
"I don't know what my parents or I did to make you hate my family so much," Kiyoomi whispered, all the anger, all the frustration, and all the energy had finally left his body. Kiyoomi's vision was blurry and he could barely keep his posture.
He wanted to lie down somewhere.
"That's not—" Atsumu tried, "that's not what I said,"
Kiyoomi knew that his parents weren't the best people to ever exist. Kiyoomi knew that they had said and done things that hurt him deeply.
However, they had talked it out already and besides, they try. They apologized for everything and said they would start supporting their son as best as possible.
Kiyoomi knew that his parents loved him, that they cared in their own, weird yet somewhat wholesome way.
And Kiyoomi really loved them, too.
So hearing his boyfriend protest so much when bringing up that Kiyoomi wanted them to spend the holidays with his family this year— it really hurt him.
"You haven't given me one good reason why we can't—" Kiyoomi stopped himself. He wanted to keep talking about it, wanted to finally know why. But he just didn't have the power in him to continue this back and forth.
If Atsumu really hated the idea of them spending Christmas in Tokyo so much, then Kiyoomi couldn't change his mind no matter what.
So he just sighed and closed his eyes. "Fine then," he said and turned around to return to their bedroom. "I'll just tell my parents you couldn't make it then,"
"Omi—" he heard Atsumu say behind him but he ignored it.
When he arrived at their bedroom, he closed the door behind him and shut his eyes. Single tears still rolled down his cheeks, his eyelashes were wet and sticky, and he didn't dare to look at himself in the mirror as he passed it.
Kiyoomi always found that he was an ugly crier despite Atsumu's constant tries to reassure him from the opposite.
He pulled out his suitcase from his wardrobe and began to pack.
His movements were sluggish and his limbs felt heavy. First his shirts and warm sweaters— he found some of Atsumu's in his stack of clothes. He usually loved wearing his boyfriend's things, they were just a tad bigger on him and he loved the feeling.
They also smelled like home, too.
However, now he couldn't bring himself to pack them in his suitcase. It was bad enough to not have Atsumu by his side this Christmas, he didn't need a constant reminder of the lack of his presence as well.
Then, his pants and underwear, followed by socks and shoes. Kiyoomi stopped himself when he was about to grab his favorite, and only, scarf.
The scarf Atsumu gifted him during highschool and the scarf he decided would be the only scarf he'd ever need since then.
Kiyoomi's eyes began to water all over again and he desperately tried to wipe away the forming tears with the hem of his hoodie furiously.
They dripped down onto the scarf in his hands and Kiyoomi could only stare at them in a daze. He carefully put the scarf back in his wardrobe and sat down on the bed next to his already half-full suitcase.
His phone pinged from where it lay on the nightstand.
Maybe Kiyoomi should just give in and spend the holidays with Atsumu's family again— perhaps they could drive up to Tokyo next year, when Atsumu was...more prepared?
No, it was just as ridiculous as it sounded.
Motoya had always lectured Kiyoomi to be more selfish. That it was okay to want to do things your own way, that it was completely fine and normal to want one's partner to compromise for once.
Kiyoomi wasn't the self-centered guy some people wanted him to be, Kiyoomi wasn't the toxic boyfriend some people thought he was.
Kiyoomi also wasn't someone to have no feelings. Just because he couldn't express himself perfectly or couldn't communicate as well as he wished he would, that didn't mean...anything.
Kiyoomi hated when people called him dark and mysterious when in reality, he just wasn't good at this whole social stuff. Kiyoomi just wanted someone to accept and understand him.
And Atsumu did. He understood and treasured Kiyoomi, sometimes even a little too well.
Which is why Kiyoomi didn't get why Atsumu was so against the idea of spending Christmas with his family. Shouldn't he have seen how excited Kiyoomi was about it?
Was it because he was anxious about meeting his parents? Though Atsumu had already met them once and Kiyoomi didn't think his boyfriend was the one to shy away from such situations.
He blinked at his suitcase once again before letting himself fall back on their bed. He closed his eyes and before he knew it, he fell asleep.
"Omi," he heard the familiar voice of his boyfriend whisper. It came from next to him and Kiyoomi distantly remembered that he hadn't locked the door earlier.
"Omi," Atsumu said again and Kiyoomi noticed the hidden sadness and guilt behind his tone. A gentle hand brushed a loose curl out of his face and Kiyoomi couldn't help but let his eyes flutter open.
"Hi," Atsumu smiled down at him as he continued to carefully caress Kiyoomi's cheeks.
Kiyoomi didn't say anything, just kept quiet as he enjoyed the nice and warm feeling of his boyfriend's hands against his cold and sticky cheeks.
"I'm sorry," Atsumu began after an indefinite amount of time had passed. "I'm sorry I said all those awful things to you," his boyfriend said and laid down beside him, their faces now only inches away from one another.
"You're not playing the victim card or something, that was so stupid of me to say," Atsumu whispered and Kiyoomi was sure that something similar to hurt flashed across his face because Atsumu shot him one of his sad smiles again.
One that Kiyoomi only ever received when Atsumu felt bad.
"And yeah," Atsumu took a deep breath. "It's very reasonable of you to want to spend the holidays with your family this year. You must miss your parents and Motoya, too,"
"I do," Kiyoomi replied so quietly, he was unsure whether Atsumu even heard it.
"I get that now. Talked to 'Samu and he almost jumped me through the screen, y'know?" his boyfriend snorted slightly. "Yelled at me for being inconsiderate 'n stuff," Atsumu smiled sadly once more.
"I'm so sorry, Omi," he started again after a brief moment of heavy silence. "I don't know why I was so against it, maybe....maybe I just remembered how much fun last Christmas was and wanted to repeat the exact same thing?" Atsumu shrugged. "I don't know and I'm sorry for....I'm sorry that I said those things about your family.
"I know you didn't have it easy but you love them and I have no right to tell you otherwise. I'd understand if you don't want me to come with you anymore but if you do, somehow, then...I'd be— I'd be happy to tag along with you."
Kiyoomi was left speechless. He had heard Atsumu apologize a few times but never to this extent.
His heart squeezed and he couldn't stop himself from scooting closer to Atsumu and pressing his lips onto his boyfriend's.
"Does that mean you forgive me?" Atsumu asked when they parted, his eyes hopeful.
"Yeah, and...thank you," Kiyoomi said, a small smile forming on his face. "Your words mean a lot to me— you mean a lot to me. Christmas just wouldn't have been the same without you,"
Atsumu finally returned the smile, for real this time. "Me too," he mumbled and snaked his arms around Kiyoomi to pull him close. "I love you so much," he said into dark, messy curls. "So, so much."
Atsumu sniffled and Kiyoomi's heart clenched again. "I love you, too," he mumbled into Atsumu's chest.