Chapter Text
Remus was pretty sure Crouch was a werewolf. They kept bumping into each other in the hospital wing around the full but it seemed like Barty had figured out how to keep his wolf from wrecking him too hard, because once again, Remus woke up in the infirmary the morning after the full moon, alone.
If only Remus knew Barty's secret, maybe he could avoid monthly painful convalescence. Sure, Barty was pretty roughed up each month; sported some scars and had a limp most of the time, but he was never bedridden due to multiple broken ribs, like Remus currently was himself. He was weighing the pros and cons of confronting Crouch about lycanthropy when Barty showed up to pick up his restorative potions from Pomfrey.
The visibly exhausted boy acknowledged Remus' presence with a pained smile and a nod. They weren't really in the habit of talking to each other, but with the Black brothers reuniting and James and Evan being idiots helplessly pining after each other, they were growing somewhat closer, repeatedly finding themselves in each other's vicinity. Remus would silently make space for Barty on a couch nearest the fireplace when they were getting cold to their bones, whenever Regulus would drag Barty and Evan to the Gryffindor common room to hang out with his brother. Barty would extend his cooling charms to Remus while they sat together on the quidditch stands, watching James and Evan finding excuses to fly into each other during their practices, while the moon was filling in and they were running hot. And if Remus more often than not found Crouch at his table in the library, studying for his twelve O.W.L.s, he was not complaining.
So surely he could just ask Barty about it, right? He would risk exposing his secret if he was wrong, but he had a feeling he could trust Barty. No matter how rough around the edges the other boy was, Remus was sure he was not as cruel as he perhaps wanted other people to think. Or maybe Remus just wanted to believe that.
He watched Barty down his potions from across the room when a house elf popped up with a tray of lunch for him. Breakfast had just been two hours prior, but Remus was constantly hungry after the full and Madame Pomfrey made sure house elves brought him food in between meals to keep him sated. He mostly craved meat but the mediwitch insisted on balanced meals.
Eating in the great hall must not be enough for Barty either, as he snapped his head around, his nose twitching, when the smell of food reached him. Pomfrey retreated to her office, wishing Barty a good day, leaving the two boys alone in the hospital wing.
Remus looked between the boy eyeing his food and the tray in front of him suggestively. He had enough roast beef to share, and if he needed more he was sure Sirius would run to the kitchens for him if he asked. He beckoned him closer.
Barty shrugged and approached him casually, with his hands in his pockets. “Sup?” He greeted, throwing himself with ease onto the edge of Remus' bed.
Remus offered him a plate. “Want some roast?”
Barty scrunched his nose. “Nah, not really, man. You're gonna eat those carrots?”
Remus blinked at him surprised and put the plate back down. “Huh? Oh, no. Be my guest, take them.”
Barty picked up a baby carrot and started munching on it. “Thanks,” he hummed.
They finished eating in silence. Silence with Barty was never uncomfortable. He didn't speak much to his friends either, but whenever he did speak, everyone would fall silent to listen. His rare remarks were always on point. Each of Barty's words carried impact and though Remus cravedhearing each and every one, he'd long ago found he didn’t miss them when Barty was silent. What was new to Remus, was the feeling of his cheeks heating when their fingers brushed, reaching for food. If Barty noticed, he naturally didn't comment on it.
“See you round,” Barty said, patting Remus' knee as he stood up from the bed and moved to leave the hospital wing, sending Remus a wink over his shoulder as he went through the door.
Up until this point, Remus had almost been sure he would just ask Barty about lycanthropy and see what would happen, but for some reason he felt like that wink had almost murdered him; his heart was beating incredibly fast, and somehow it felt like he'd be risking a lot more than just their tentative acquaintanceship.
Remus heard the painting opening the passage to the Gryffindor common room where he was reading his advanced potions book. By the smell of meadow on a sunny day that filled his nose, mixed with something inherently Barty, he could tell it was the Slytherins before he picked his head up to watch the younger boys enter and approach the marauders sitting around the fireplace. Trailing behind Regulus, who as always went straight for his brother, Barty dropped chocolate on Remus' lap without a word and sat himself beside him, taking his own books out of his bag.
“Oi! When do I get chocolate?” James complained from the loveseat beside them, where he was sprawled out in order to force Evan to fight him for a place to sit.
“When you start celebrating St. Nicholas day,” Barty answered without looking away from his book “and that's only if I start liking you. So I wouldn't count on it.”
Remus hadn’t even realised it was December 6th. His mom would always make him shine his shoes before bed and stuffed them full with chocolate and oranges while he slept. She had owled him treats during his first few years in Hogwarts, but ever since she had left his father and moved back to Poland, he had very limited ways of contacting her. She would fly in to take him home for the summer holidays and they exchanged letters every month but that was it. He had to owl his letters to Effie so she could mail them by muggle post for him. Without the Potter's help he would have been left completely alone, as his father wanted nothing to do with him. He would usually spend Christmas at the Potter's too, but this year he’d had to turn Effie down. The full moon was on Christmas eve and he was forced to stay in Hogwarts for the holidays to be able to lock himself in the shrieking shack. James was obviously going home and he knew the Rosiers and the Blacks were going to France, so he'd end up being alone.
“Thank you,” he said to Barty, who nodded in response, “Are you going home for Christmas?”
“No” the boy said, and didn't ask Remus the same question, probably knowing the answer already.
In the following weeks Barty and Remus fell into their routine of silently comforting each other in their shared symptoms of the upcoming full moon. Barty borrowed Remus’ sweater and lent him his knee warmers. They'd casted cooling and warming charms at each other when they needed them, and brought each other snacks. They walked together to the hospital wing to get strengthening and pain reducing potions together. Neither of them addressed the situation. Barty would ask Remus about defence, transfiguration and muggle studies, as he was studying for his exams. Remus couldn't find it in himself to ask Barty about the full moon.
Everyone left for Christmas break on the morning of the 22nd. Remus didn't walk his friends to the train because his hips were killing him. He hugged them goodbye in the dorm and crawled back into bed allowing himself to sleep in a little on the first Saturday of the break.
He found Barty later in the library. They studied alongside each other, their knees sporadically brushing together under the table, until lunchtime. Remus was excited to be able to sit beside Barty at meal times now that the four house tables were replaced with a one long table for teachers and students to sit together at Christmas time.
They spent the weekend together. Studying in the library, sitting under the lights in the great hall, playing wizarding chess and exploding snap. They even went for a walk in the snow on Sunday morning, but even the warming charms and the bright sun fighting off the chill and changing Barty's brown eyes to liquid honey, wasn't enough to keep the cold from cracking up their bones, so they trailed back quickly.
On Monday morning, Barty found Remus first. He dropped himself down on an armchair beside him in the common room filled with the smell of pine and gingerbread. Hogwarts was full of holiday related scents but still the smell of sun warmed meadow radiating from Barty, even more on the full moon than usual, was at the forefront of Remus' mind.
“Any plans for tonight?” Barty asked with a knowing smirk.
Remus tilted his head and squinted at the boy, weighing his answer, but maybe Barty wasn't expecting one, as he followed with, “Where do you usually go for the full moon?”
Remus was shocked out of his resolve by the sudden straight forwardness of Barty addressing the elephant in the room and he responded, “The shrieking shack,” before he could think better of it.
Barty scrunched up his nose and raised his eyebrows up at him. “Cosy,” he said, and Remus didn't need to see his face to know, he didn't mean it.
“Why, where do you go?” Remus asked, inspecting his fingernails, suddenly feeling self conscious.
“Used to go to the forest or the meadow, but going back on my own was a bitch, with the all-over soreness, and I kept catching colds from sleeping on the ground while my bones grew back in place. So since Evan and Regulus know, I just stay in the dorm with them,” he shrugged.
Remus looked shell shocked. “You- you stay in the dorm with them? And you don't destroy the place? You don't… eat them?”
Barty snickered “Well, the urge to eat human flesh can be a bit overwhelming, and I chewed on my fair share of furniture before Regulus got sick of it and found a charm to effectively keep me off it but yeah, we manage,” he said with a smirk. After a moment adding, “I found that head scratches help a lot.” He was aiming for nonchalance but his cheeks reddened at the admission. “I used to wake up in a much worse state when I was still doing it on my own.”
Remus couldn't imagine staying in the dorm with James and Sirius for his transformations. Moony would wreck the place to bits and kill his friends without a doubt. He had hoped getting to know Barty's secret could improve his fulls but now that he knew, he only felt worse. The all-encompassing loneliness and helplessness flooded him even more intensely than usual. Not only was he a bloodthirsty monster, he was also bad at being one apparently. Barty had to possess a level of self control Remus could only dream of, and he got to spend his transformations in his own room and get head scratches from his friends.
Of course Barty deserves everything,and Remus wants him to be okay and get his head scratched, but still he finds himself oddly jealous. It's not just that Remus would want to be petted as Moony himself, he realizes he wants to be the one to give Barty the head scratches. But he can't. He would never be able to. A wave of sadness made him feel heavy, like he was weighed down by it. He sank deeper into the armchair he was sitting in and rested his head on the armrest, looking into the flickering fire, lost in thought. The last thing he felt before dozing off was Barty covering him with a blanket.
When Remus woke up, it was to a splitting pain in his spine and he was alone in the room. He had little time left so he gathered his bearings and headed for the Whomping Willow, wondering how Barty was doing on his own in the dorm.
He went through the tunnel leading to the shrieking shack and entered the ominous building with a sigh. He pulled himself up on the railing walking upstairs, to ease some of the weight from his aching knees. As the stairs creaked under his steps he was surprised by the array of scents coming from the room upstairs. He could smell cinnamon wax, flowers and… a meadow. He saw soft, warm light creeping from under the door and rushed to get through it. He entered to find Barty kneeling on a thick fuzzy blanket, arranging scented candles around the room, with a bouquet of flowers resting on his lap.
“Barty, what… how did you get here?”
“Walked.”
“From Hogsmeade?”
“Yeah? Picked up some snowdrops on the way.”
“Why are you… that's a fire hazard,” Remus gestured at the candles stacked around them. They bathed the room in gentle light and a pleasant scent,effectively covering the smell of decay usually accompanying Remus during his time here. Along with the warm, fuzzy blanket and the flower arrangement, the room felt almost… cozy. The beautiful tawny-haired boy kneeling in the middle of it, arraying candles with his long, gentle fingers, looked quite pleased with his work. It was a shame it was all for naught as Moony would destroy everything in an hour or two.
“Placed Reg’s charm on them. We won't be able to topple them over, don't worry. They were much needed. The place is horrid.”
“You should go back,” Remus rushed out, “now.”
Barty gave him incredulous look “It’s not that bad now. We'll manage,” he said smirking. “Besides, there's no time even if I wanted to.”
“No, there's a tunnel-” he wanted to explain the Whomping Willow to Barty, he wanted to tell him he's still got an hour until the moon rises high in the sky, he wanted to make him understand that Remus is not in control of Moony as Barty seems to be of his wolf, but he was interrupted by an agonising scream coming deep from Barty's throat as his legs broke and his knees bent backwards. “What? No… it's too early!”
“Pretty normal - ughh- time for me,” Barty panted out, falling down onto the blanket, “won't be long now.”
Remus surged forward to rub Bartys back as his legs shortened. Shortened. Didn't elongate and broaden to form big, strong paws, like Remus' always did. Whatever was happening to Barty progressed much quicker than Remus' own transformation. As the boy screamed and cried in excruciating pain, when his arms and spine broke in multiple places and shrank in on themselves, Remus realised Barty was right. It wouldn't be long now. He shushed and babbled, trying to comfort Barty, running his fingers through the tawny fur quickly covering Barty's lithe figure. He was dumbfounded, not sure what's happening when he felt a wet nose poking the palm he was not holding in Barty's fur. He blinked twice and really took in the sight. There he was. Poking him with his tiny, wet, twitching nose. Demanding head scratches behind his floppy ears. Pawing at him impatiently. An, admittedly… adorable, little tawny rabbit. A wererabbit.