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“I'm sorry, Joel, you can't stay here. FEDRA’s been on us all week.”
“You owe us, Malik, or do I need to remind ya of the goat job,” Malik’s eyes shift nervously to the guys behind him, and he steps out onto the stoop with Joel.
“Fine, fine, just keep your voice down, okay? I got a place for you but don't bitch at me if it isn't comfortable.” He whispers directions to Joel, then turns and goes back into his building. Joel sighs and runs his hand down his face. The snow on the ground is gray and slushy as he crunches down the steps, he looks both ways carefully and then ducks into the closest ally. Tess is there waiting for him, bundled up tight in Joel’s oversized winter coat.
“Can he take us?” She asks, her eyes pinched shut, hands pressed hard against the filthy brick wall.
Joel scoffs. “He ain't got a place for us here, but he gave me directions to someplace he says should be safe for a few days, but it ain't the Ritz.”
“Whatever, we don't have time to be picky, let's go.” Joel sidles up to her, and she takes his arm. They hobble the few blocks it takes to get from Malik's place to the hideout, having to stop periodically so Tess can lean against Joel and catch her breath. Finally, they round the corner, and there it is. A low building, a light still on in the window, Joel and Tess can both hear the sounds of animals bleating, naying, and baaing.
Tess laughs suddenly low and a little maniacal, pressing against Joel. When she's finally able to control herself again, she looks up at him, her eyes filled with tears, his filled with confusion.
“Don't you get it, Joel? It's Christmas Eve in the Boston QZ, and there's no room in the fucking inn. But we were able to find refuge in the stables.” Tess’s hand goes to rest on the heavy swell of her abdomen, and she pulls him forward. “Let's go, Texas, this baby isn't gonna wait much longer.”
Joel gets Tess settled into an empty stall, he found some clean hay and some horse blankets that he was able to lay out for her, making a surprisingly comfortable bed for her to lay on. The stable is warm and clean; whoever has been taking care of the animals has been doing a fairly good job, which surprises Joel. Malik is an idiot, but at least he was smart enough to get someone with some brains to watch over his animals.
Joel pulls Tess’s bag off her shoulders and pulls out the items within: a small yellow blanket, soft and warm, a baby onesie still in the packaging, a hat, and several other things a newborn may need. He gathers them all together and puts them to the side, ready for when they’ll need them, which should be soon, considering how Tess sounds. Joel doesn’t remember a lot about Sarah’s birth; it had all gone so fast, and he had been out of his mind with worry for Amanda. But he remembered how she had sounded near the end, and he knows they don’t have a lot of time. He pulls out the items in his own pack and sets them on the box he pulled over just for this purpose. It's all the equipment he’s gonna need to deliver this baby on their own.
They were supposed to be on their way to Bill and Franks, but their exit had been blocked up by FEDRA, and all their other routes were either impassable because of the weather or too dangerous for Tess to navigate in her condition. She couldn’t give birth in their apartment because someone would rat them out to FEDRA, and then they would come and take the baby because they hadn’t been cleared to have a child. Population was a big deal in the QZ; every birth had to be approved and counted, if it wasn’t, your kid was taken and put in one of their giant overcrowded orphanages, where almost half of their infants died before they turned one. Joel and Tess were not going to let that happen. So they had gone to those who owed them and tried to find a safe place to bring their child into the world, and this is what they had come up with.
“Joel, help me get my pants off,” Tess grits her teeth and starts trying to pull them off herself. “And if you make a crack about, that’s how we got in this mess in the first place, I will fucking kill you.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it, darlin’,” Joel says, hustling to assist her. Once they’ve got her pants off, he does a quick check and goes over to scrub his hands with the cold water and soap in the basin he set aside. The stable boasts a small office where Joel found an electric tea kettle. He’s got it going right now, and another basin is set out so he can sterilize the tools once it's done. As he works, he can hear Tess breathing and swearing and moaning periodically. The animals in the stables seem to be altogether unimpressed with their new bedfellows and barely pay them any attention. Finally, Joel has everything ready to go, and all they need to do now is wait for the baby to make its appearance.
“Get over here, Joel. I need you.” Joel moves over fast, and Tess grabs him to pull herself up into a squat, she’d abandoned his coat as soon as they’d got into the stable, and all she has on at this point is one of his t-shirts. Her hair’s up in a tight bun at the top of her head, and sweat covers her face and chest as she bares down and groans. Joel squats in front of her, her hands gripping his arms, her forehead against his chest, he counts with her and mumbles nonsense words as she labors. “I gotta push Joel.”
“Do what you hav’ta darlin’,” He holds her and keeps her steady for what feels like hours but is probably only minutes.
“Joel, shit, shit. I can feel the head.” He scrambles fast, pulling her shirt up, and sure enough, it’s coming. He moves her to the side of the stall, places her hands on the edge, and pulls over the box. He comes in behind her and gets down on his knees, ready to catch.
“Push baby, push,” Joel encourages, and Tess bares down with a guttural roar, then the baby is out and in his arms, slippery and wiggling. Tess sags against the stall wall and turns her head as far as she can.
“Is-is it okay?” She says, her voice shaking, her eyes worried. Joel clears the baby's mouth and flips it over to start rubbing its tiny back, finally, a cry pierces the night, and both he and Tess take breaths they hadn’t realized they’d been holding. He flips the baby back over, and tears obscure his eyes as ‘she’ screams red-faced and furious about being forced out of her warm home.
“It's a girl, Tess, and she’s fine.” He shuffles so he can pass her between Tess’s legs so she doesnt have to keep craning her neck around to see her. Tess lets out a held breath, her body trembling when she can finally see their baby safe and healthy.
“Help me lie back. I wanna hold her.” Tess says. Joel shifts the screaming baby to one arm and uses his other to help Tess lay down on her makeshift bed of hay and horse blankets. When she’s situated, he passes the baby over, and Tess pulls her shirt off so she can press the baby to her bare chest. It’s only moments before the baby settles, and Joel goes to cut the umbilical cord and help Tess finish delivering the afterbirth.
He gets everything cleaned up and then pulls a blanket over the top of Tess and the baby before laying down with them. His hand rests softly on her tiny back as Tess plays with the thick head of brown hair. “Now I know why I had all that indigestion, look at this kid.” Tess laughs lightly and kisses her little head. “Do you think she’s gonna be okay?”
“She got all her fingers and toes?” Joel asks, and Tess pulls up the blanket so they can count each little digit, giggling as they do it. “Yup, she’s got’em all. She’s pink, warm, and has a set of lungs on her that my Abuela would be proud of, I think she’s gonna be just fine, Tess.” he leans in and gives Tess a hearty kiss. “You did good darlin’.”
Tess smiles and goes back to staring at their baby, the one that neither of them had hoped or planned for. The moment the QZ started handing out birth control, Joel and Tess had waited in line each month to make sure she had her packet. Without fail, every morning, it didn’t matter where they were or what they were doing, she took the pill. Both of them enjoyed the ability to fuck whenever and how every they wanted but didn’t want to worry about the repercussions of those actions, so they had been meticulous about their protection. But what they hadn’t counted on was Tess getting a bad knife wound and having to take antibiotics. Both of them forgeting how that can compromise the effectiveness of the pills. Three months later, Tess finally realizes her late period is not because of stress but instead because of a bun in the oven. Both of them have to come to a decision quickly.
In the end, the decision had been made for them. Tess was too far along to take the pills that could end it, and the one Doctor that the two of them trusted to do a procedure like this had been swooped up by FEDRA. Yeah, they could try and find someone else, but it was a crap shoot, and Joel was not willing to put Tess at risk. FEDRA always had doctors willing and ready to do the deed, but then your name went on a list, and that’s the last thing Joel and Tess wanted. So, it left them with the option of having the baby and raising it themselves or giving it up when it was born. After Tess did some digging into the orphan situation in the QZ, she made it clear to Joel that she would never put a child with them, she would leave him and raise the child on her own before she would let a baby go there. While Joel had never entertained the idea of having another child after what happened to Sarah, he also wasn’t a monster and wouldn’t abandon any child that he had a part in making or the women he had put in that position. So Joel, at 44, and Tess, at 40, found, to their surprise, that they were going to be parents again.
“What are we going to call her,” Tess asks, and Joel lets his fingers trail down her smaller ones, nails tiny and translucent. “I always liked Eleanor, it was my grandmother's name.”
“Seems too stuffy for our girl,” Joel says, his hand moving to cup the back of her head, she turns into the warmth, her little nose scrunching and her mouth puckering. “What about Ellie? Do ya like the sound of that?”
“I like the sound of that very much. Do you like that, little one? Ellie Servopoulos-Miller.” Ellie nuzzles against Tess’s chest, mouth rooting, little whines emanating from her throat. “Think she might be hungry.” Tess adjusts Ellie in her arms so she can more easily latch, which Ellie seems to take to naturally already suckling away. Tess laughs and runs a finger down Ellie’s soft cheek. “Hungry little thing. She’s so small, Joel.”
Tess looks to him with worried eyes, but Joel just shakes his head and scoots in closer to Tess, putting his arm behind her back to help support her and bringing up his other hand to rest on Ellie’s small form. “My Mama was small, Tess, only 5’1”, me and Tommy got our height from our daddy, ‘bout the only good thing he did for us. She’s gonna be fine. Miller’s are made of hardy stuff, and if she’s anything like her mama, she’s gonna be smart as a whip, too. Hopefully, she don’t take after me in that department.”
“Hush, now, you're smart too, Tex, just in different ways. She’s gonna have both of us to help her grow up in this world.” Tess leans back against Joel’s shoulder and closes her eyes, the day's events starting to catch up with her.
Joel clears his throat, thick with emotion, and asks, “Would it be okay if we gave her my mama’s name as her middle name?” Tess looks up at him, eyes half-lidded, waiting for him to finish. “It was Verónica, that okay with you?”
“Yeah, that’s okay with me.” Tess smiles softly, lips just barely curling as she starts to drift off safe in Joel’s arms. Joel humms and adjusts himself so Tess can more comfortably rest against his chest, their baby in her arms. He can see the sun just starting to dawn over the Boston QZ, tendrils of golden light shining around the window sill, birds calling to one another about the news of the day, animals around them rustling in their stalls. The smell of fresh hay and animal musk permeates the air, clean and earthy, steadying. Joel curls his hand around the pistol in his lap and lets his eyelids drop, knowing that the animals will alert him to any intruders that might come their way. He looks down one last time at his now sleeping daughter, safe against Tess’s chest, and finally lets himself drift off.
“What the hell is this?” Tess looks up from where she’s laying Ellie down in the little bed Joel had made for her out of one of the animals' feeding troughs.
A group of two young boys and an older man stand at the stable's door. The older man is carrying a basket, and the children have bundles in their arms. Joel holds his gun pointed to the ground but stands between Tess and the interlopers.
“My wife and I saw you come in here. Figured you might need some things. These here are my grandsons, we take care of this place for Malik.” His eyes are kind in his wrinkled face, gentle, Tess looks to Joel and motions for him to put away his gun. “Name’s Shepherd, it’s nice to make your acquaintance.” He reaches a hand out, and Joel shakes it wearily.
"We won’t be here long.” Joel slides over to Tess, putting his body between Ellie and Shepherd.
“Don’t you worry about that. We’ve been told you would be here; a messenger was sent. You can stay as long as you need.” He steps forward and removes the towel over the top of the basket. Inside is fresh bread and a thermos. “My wife made this for you both, says a new mom’s gotta keep her strength up.” Tess nods to Joel, and he steps forward to take it.
“Thank you, Sir, that’s mighty kind of ya both,” The two boys step forward and lay down the bundles they're holding.
“That’s some baby clothing and other items to get you through the next couple of days.” The trio step back and start to make their way to the door when Shepherd stops and turns around to face them. Joel sees the two boys already running back to one of the buildings surrounding the stable and tumbles up the stairs. “You know it’s pretty funny the timing of your little one's birth. Did you think of that?” he asks. Joel and Tess both look at him, and he shrugs, “It’s just it’s Christmas and here you all are, in a stable, your baby asleep in a manger. Kinda funny.” He shrugs again, and then he’s gone.
Tess looks down at Ellie in her little bed and can’t help a laugh sneaking past her lips. “Christ… oh Jesus… oh god.” Joel watches Tess just absolutely lose her shit after each word she utters. Laughing so hard, her face starts to go red, and she needs to lean against the stall to catch her breath.
“Tess, what is so damn funny?” Joel whispers, putting a finger up to his lips to tell Tess to quiet down as he watches Ellie start to wiggle in her sleep. Tess puts her hand to her mouth to stifle her laughter and finally is able to calm herself down, wiping her tears from her eyes.
“Don’t you get it, Joel, we’re Mary and fucking Joseph.” Tess gestures to the two of them and lets out one last chuckle as she starts going through the items Shepherd left for them. “God, me, Mary, now that’s a joke.” Tess scoffs, rolling her eyes.
“Is a little funny, I guess, me bein’ a contractor before all this,” Joel says while opening the top of the thermos and sniffing the contents. He closes his eyes and sighs when the aroma hits his nostrils. Tomato soup, thick and creamy. “Damn, this smells like heaven.” He doles out the portions into the two bowls he also finds in the basket and gives Tess her share with a thick slab of bread, soft and springy in the middle, crust crisp and flacky.
“I didn’t know you did construction, so that was your full-time job?” Tess looks at him out of the corner of her eye. Joel’s not much for talking about his past, so anytime he does, Tess is careful about not pushing because the moment she goes too far, he pulls back as if stung.
“Yeah, since I was 16 when our daddy left, I started pickin' up shifts after school, under the table. Soon as I graduated high school, I started workin’ full-time. It was good money, helped my mama out until I got a place of my own with Amanda. Still sent a little money my mama’s way to help her out with Tommy until she passed, then Tommy stayed with us until he graduated and went off to the army.”
“Amanda, she was your ex, right? How long were you with her?”
“We dated all through high school, didn’t get married until she got pregnant with Sarah…” He stops, and Tess takes a breath. She knows about Sarah. Tommy told her once while they were out on the road on their way to Boston, but Joel never talks about her. Never. He clears his throat, looks down into his bowl of soup. “Got married just before Sarah was born, thought it was the right thing to do. Amanda left a couple months after she was born; didn’t really like the idea of bein’ a mom. Got the divorce papers about a year later in the mail. So weren’t really married for all that long.” Joel goes back to his soup, sipping from the bowl, eyes closed.
“I was a nurse,” Tess says suddenly, her eyes locking on Joel’s, he doesn’t react, just finishes his soup and puts the empty bowl in his lap.
“That so?”
“Yeah, worked in the ER at Detroit Receiving, could get pretty crazy, but I liked the rush, you know. Kept me on my toes. My… husband he was a doctor in the ER. Meet him in medical school.” Tess puts her bowl down carefully.
“You were together, on…” Joel trails off, pulling apart a piece of hay.
“Yeah, we were.” It’s quiet as Tess leans over to check on Ellie in her bed, asleep, fluffy brown hair floating around her head. Tess smooths it down gently, places a kiss on her brow then sits back against the stall wall. Closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. “We-we had a son, Charlie. He was 8, loved drawing comic books. Real big into those Japanese cartoons. Already had his Christmas presents purchased, I was one of those shops all year round kinda people, if I saw it and knew someone would like it, I got it. Didn’t have time otherwise.” Joel knows that about her, Tess was always thinking about him and Tommy. If they were on a run and she saw something they might like, she’d squirrel it away, keep it for just the right moment. Joel liked that about her.
“What did ya get him?” His voice is low, unhurried. They listen to the animals moving around, tails swishing, hooves shuffling.
“It was one of those how-to-draw books, some new fancy pens and markers that were made specifically for that type of art. Andrew, my husband, thought I was being overly optimistic, said he was 8, and he’d only really been into it for a couple of months before I bought them back in June. But I knew, I knew it was something he loved, I could see the joy in his eyes when he was drawing, I figured what was the harm really, if he didn’t end up sticking with it, we’d only be out 30 bucks. But if he did like it, we’d be supporting him, showing him we cared.” Tess laughs a hash sound, a sob catching at the end. “They were in the basement with him at the end, hadn’t gotten around to wrapping them yet.”
She takes a shuddering breath and leans over her legs, eyes still closed. No tears fall, her eyes stay dry. “Andrew turned first. Came at me and Charlie I had to use a kitchen knife. He’d said he wasn’t feeling well, but of course, we didn’t think anything of it. I worked an early shift that morning, had some yogurt and a banana on the way into the ER. Andrew made Charlie waffles, those funfetii kind, they were his favorite. Figured that’s how… they turned, and I didn’t.” another shuddering breath, her hand comes up to her eyes.
Joel wants to tell her to stop, let her know that she doesn’t need to crack herself open for him. But she continues like she can’t stop, “Charlie was turning while I took care of Andrew, I had just pulled myself out from underneath him when Charlie came at me. He was so fast and strong. God, he was so strong. I could barely hold him off. But I managed to push him off me, down the basement steps. The door was open. I had been coming up with the spaghetti sauce for dinner when everything started to go sideways, never got a chance to close it. I did then. Closed it and locked it. He was against it so quick, banging and screeching.” She puts her head back in her hands and lets out a stifled sob.
Joel drops his bowl and scoots over to her fast, taking her into his arms. She falls against him, he presses her face to his chest and rubs his hand down her back, soothing her as she finally cries. “We had a gun in the house, I could have gotten it, could have taken care of him… but I couldn’t do it, Joel. I-I left him… I left him there, in the basement. I just walked out, took nothing, had my slippers and sweatpants on. I just left.” She stammers, and Joel holds her, rocks her, brushes her hair back with his hand as she crumbles. He doesn’t say anything, there isn’t anything to say.
“Make sure she don’t roll.”
“Joel, she’s just barely a week old, she is not rolling anywhere.”
They are in the office of the little stable, the space heater on high, Ellie laid out naked on one of the soft blankets Shepherd brought them, a bowl of warm water, and baby soup set to the side. Tess is gently wiping her down with a soft cloth, and Joel is nervously hovering with his hands out to the side just in case, by some miracle, she does find a way to roll off the small desk.
“If you don’t stop hovering, Joel, I swear to god.” Tess snaps, and he apologizes and steps back, giving her more room. They’ve been in close proximity to one another for a week now, and it’s starting to grate on them. They’re used to being in each other's company, but usually, they have more to do, they can get out of the apartment and pick up a job for some ration cards or make a feel deals, keep busy. But they’re still trying to figure out how they’re going to get Ellie registered, and they keep hitting roadblocks. Until they can figure out how to safely either get her out of the QZ or get papers for her, they’re stuck at the stables.
Joel’s been helping out in the stable with the animals, which has pleased Shepherd to no end. The cold has been bothering his knees, and his grandsons can only do so much. But this means Tess has been left to mostly her own devices, not being able to leave Ellie for too long because she’s currently the only means of feeding her. Formula is extremely hard to get, controlled almost completely by FEDRA, anything else you can get is suspect at best and deadly at worst, so Joel and Tess decided to stick with what they know is safe. It just means Tess is tethered to the stable and Ellie, and it's leaving her feeling stressed and antsy.
“Joel, get the towel, I’m gonna pass her to you,” Tess says, her voice suddenly weary. Joel picks up the small towel, and Tess turns and lays her in his arms, tucking her head into the little triangle at the top and curling the edges securely around her, being careful of her still-healing umbilical cord.
“Shus, baby girl, it’s okay, I got you,” Joel whispers and gently rocks her to soothe her small cries at the shift in location and temperature. She settles quickly and Tess goes about gathering up the supplies. Joel runs a finger lightly against Ellie’s chin, and she looks up at him her brown eyes bright and so big. Her fingers curl and uncurl against her tiny chest, and her feet wiggle under the towel as her eyes continue to gaze into his. He feels his breath stutter and his heart tighten in his chest. She’s so small, so helpless, she only has them to make sure she is safe. He feels the weight of that truth suddenly falls heavy on his shoulders. He and Tess are all she has in the whole world. He thinks of the last little girl who trusted him so completely and how that ended for her. But he can’t think that way, Ellie is what matters now, her and Tess.
He looks up, and Tess is watching him as he holds Ellie, her eyes soft. Suddenly, he needs to tell her about Sarah; he wants to tell her about Sarah. He clears his throat, looks to the ceiling, and opens the door that has been closed inside of him for so long.
“My daughter Sarah was 14 when she was killed on outbreak night.” He hears Tess take a sharp breath, but when he looks at her, she just looks thoughtful and patient, “Ya’know, she was always thinking of me. I was the parent, but it was her, gettin’ me up in the mornin’. It was her gettin’ breakfast ready. She fixed my watch for me 'cause she knew I was never gonna do it for myself.”
“It was so hard raisin’ her, after Amanda left, it was just Sarah and me, and I mean it wern’t easy, but also Tess, somethin' about it was easy too. When she was born, it was like somethin’ in me that had always been waitin’ clicked into place, It’s like I was always meant to be her dad. Everything else before that was just me waitin' around. So, while yeah, it wasn’t easy, I never minded. All those late nights when she was a baby crying non-stop, those days where I had to clean her puke off the floor, and the fights when she thought she knew best, and it broke my heart seein’ her growin' up, it never bothered me. I would do every moment of it again if It meant I could have just a minute more with her. She was what finally made me, me , You understand?”
“When she died, it was like, I went away. What was the point of me anymore without her? Sure, Tommy was there, and I love him, I do, but it wasn’t enough, it just wasn’t. So I didn’t really see a reason to keep goin' on, so I tried to end it.” Joel laughs mirthlessly as he cradles a now sleeping Ellie in the crock of his arm, close to his heart. “Missed, obviously, but Tommy, he was pretty pissed at me, and he made me promise that I wouldn’t do it again, so I didn’t. Mainly because I figured I had to have lived for a reason, at the time, I thought it was because god was telling me I deserved to feel her loss every day because I’d failed her. So I kept goin’, for Tommy, and then for you Tess, but always inside me, there was this piece that was broken.”
Joel looks down at Ellie in his arms, her soft hair, delicate eyelashes fanning her cheeks, pale pink lips puckered in sleep. “But I feel it now, I feel that piece fallin' back into place, slottin’ back in like it was never broken, it was only waitin’ for her.” Her small hand wraps around his large finger involuntarily as he brings it near, and he bends down to place a gentle kiss on her closed fist. Silent tears slip past his closed lids and land in her hair as he presses his cheek against her head. “That’s why I missed Tess, that’s why I continued to walk this miserable earth for all this time, it’s because of her. She needs me, and I need her.”
Tess walks over and places a kiss on Joel’s head. He lifts his arm that’s not holding Ellie, and she slides underneath and leans against his chest. “I’ve been unfair to you, Tess, for too damn long. I love you, and I’m gonna do better for the both of ya. I hope you know that.” He says, squeezing her close.
“Oh, I do Tex. Because I’m not gonna let you go back to that place, you can’t. We need you here, me and Ellie.”
“I know, I swear I’m gonna always make sure you’re safe.”
“You can’t promise that, Joel, and I wouldn’t want you to. Just be here, okay? That's what we need.”
“I can do that, Tess.”
Joel dumps out the water from Ellie’s bath at the drain on the side of the stables when he looks up and does a double take. “What the hell are you two doin’ here?”
“Meeting our godchild. Figured you might want some help getting out of the QZ.” Joel’s momentarily flabbergasted as Frank walks up to him with a very disgruntled Bill behind him.
“How did you get in?” Joel steps back and looks at the buildings around him to see if there are any eyes on them. But the windows remain empty like they have for the last week. Whatever Malik is paying these people not to pay attention to the stable right in the middle of the QZ, Joel would like to know, but for now, it’s worked out in their favor, so Joel is not willing to look a gift horse in the mouth.
“Oh, Bill has his ways. Now, where is Tess?” Frank peers around at the buildings, obviously wondering which one he came out of before Tess comes walking out the stable door.
“I thought I heard your voice. Frank, Bill, how the hell did you get in here?” Tess doesn’t have Ellie with her. No matter how quiet it's been, neither Joel nor Tess is willing to risk bringing Ellie out so someone can see her. Right now, the most people can say is that two adults are sleeping in the stable behind their building, no one has seen a baby yet, and they plan to keep it that way for as long as they can.
“Bill has an Old FEDRA contact, and he was able to get us into the QZ. We have to be out by tonight though, so it's time to get you guys all bundled up. Where are you staying?” Frank asks again, looking around at the buildings.
“Oh, not in any of these, we’re in here.” Tess points to the stable, and Frank's brow lifts.
“Cozy.” He says mildly and follows Tess into the stable, leaving Joel and Bill standing outside.
“Old FEDRA contact?” Joel asks, fingers playing with the strap on his pistol.
Bill huffs and looks back in the direction they came. “Old army buddy, he served with me, joined up with FEDRA because it was the only option when everything went to shit, doesn’t know any life other than the military. Father was a military man just like mine, that’s how we knew each other to start.” He doesn’t say anything more, so Joel doesn't ask for anything more. Joel may not like Bill, but he’s proven to be trustworthy, and Frank is here with him. Bill would have never brought Frank somewhere if he hadn’t thought it was safe for them to be here.
“C’mon, let's go inside.”
“Joel, Tess, she is beautiful, looks just like her mother.” Frank’s holding Ellie as they all sit around on boxes. It's one of the more interesting meetings that they’ve ever had with Bill and Frank, but it’s still strangely pleasant. Well, at least Frank makes it that way.
“Me my ass, she looks like Joel. That hair, the eyes. She’s all her father.” Tess scoffs, waving her hand at Joel.
“I don’t know Tess, she’s pretty pale, and I bet she’s gonna have freckles. Plus, this nose is yours Tess. No offense, Joel, but your nose is pretty distinctive.” Frank says, giving Ellie’s nose a little boop. She looks at him with wide, interested eyes, and Joel can’t help but notice the tenderness with which Frank is holding her.
“No offense taken. I’d rather she had Tess’s nose. Don’t want her cursed with the Balmaceda profile.” Joel picks a piece of hay off his pants and flicks it away.
“Didn’t know you were from Chile,” Bill says. Everyone looks at him in surprise, he even looks surprised at himself. Bill doesn’t normally do small talk other than the odd snarky remark, he usually lets Frank do all the talking.
“Yeah, my mom’s side of the family all came from Chile. They were all still there… before. How did you know?” Joel asks, furrowing his brows. “Most people would assume I’m Mexican.”
“My father was stationed in Chile, lived there for a little while when I was a kid, about 8 years,” Bill says. He’s playing with his hands in his lap, shoulders pulled up tight to his ears. This is the most Tess and Joel have ever heard him speak at one time, especially about his past.
“Do you speak Spanish?” Joel asks, his eyes sharp.
“A little, been a long time since I used it,” Bill grumbles, and then his face locks down. Joel knows that look, Bill’s done talking, he’s got nothing more to say.
“Well, we brought you a gift, and we also have a way to get you out of the QZ,” Frank says, walking to hand Ellie over to Bill.
“What did you get us?” Tess says, raising her brow.
“Oh, it should be along soon.” Frank smiles as Bill takes Ellie effortlessly and rocks her a little when she starts to fuss.
“What is it?” Joel asks when he sees a strange twinkle in Franks's eye,
“Where the hell is my niece or nephew?” Joel hears and spins in surprise. Tommy’s standing at the stable door, a sheepish look on his face, and Joel can see his hesitancy to enter the building.
“Tommy…” Joel’s moving to Tommy before he even registers he’s doing it. Arms coming up to wrap him in a crushing hug. “I didn’t know if we’d ever see you again.”
Tommy lets out a surprised huff at the strength of Joel’s grip and winds his arms around Joel as well, squeezing with equal vigor. They separate finally, patting each other's shoulders and arms a few more times before completely stepping apart.
“Shit, if I had known this was the kind of welcome I was gonna get. I would have come home sooner,” Tommy says, his voice a little horse.
“Are ya still with the fireflies? Joel asks, and Tommy shakes his head in the negative.
“Nah, turns out you were right all along, annoyingly. I got out of there, found somethin’ better.” Tommy peers around Joel to the bundle in Bill’s arms, and his eyes go wide. “I swear when Frank got me on the radio, I thought he had to be lying to try and get me back here. But shit, if he wern’t tellin’ the truth.” He walks to Bill and looks down as Ellie’s little hand squirms out of her blank and reaches aimlessly at the air. Joel motions to Bill, and he hands her over to Tommy, who looks like he’s fit to burst if he doesn’t hold her soon. Tess comes to stand next to Joel, and Tommy looks up to the both of them, his eyes wet and smile wide. “And who is it I got the honor of metin’, if I may ask?”
“That there is Ellie Verónica Servopoulos-Miller,” Joel says, a feeling of pride burning in his chest. He wraps his arm around Tess so he can pull her close. Tommy looks down to Ellie and lets her little fingers wrap around his pointer finger. The tears that have been threatening to fall finally do, and he sniffs and wipes his face against his shoulder.
“You named her after Mama, that’s real nice, she woulda liked that, I reckon.” Tommy sniffs and wipes his face against his shirt one last time before making his way over to wrap Tess in a one-armed hug. “You did good, real good, she’s a beauty. We’ve got you to thank for that 'cause you know Joel ain't anythin’ to write home about.”
Joel tries to grab Tommy, but Tess stops him, “Oh no, cowboy, no roughhousing with the baby in the middle, not till she’s older. And you, Tomás Miller, stop being a wise guy and give me that baby back. I have to feed her.”
“I don’t know. I’m afraid as soon as I do, I might be in some trouble.” Tommy holds Ellie close to his chest and gives Joel a nervous look out of the corner of his eye. Ellie starts to whine and wiggle in his arms; her fists go to her mouth, and she furiously tries to suck on them.
“Tommy, give me that baby, or I’ll be the one you have to worry about.” Tess gives him a fierce look, and Tommy relents, passing Ellie over. Tess smirks and turns to Joel. “All right, he’s all yours.”
“Ah, shit,” Tommy swears just before Joel’s hand falls on his arm.
Tess calls over her shoulder, “Don’t hurt him too much, Joel. We need his help to get out of the QZ.”
In the end, Joel just throws Tommy into some hay after they scuffle around for a bit, no one gets hurt, just Tommy’s pride. “Jesus Joel, you always were an asshole.” Tommy grouses as he pushes himself up from the hay, pieces stuck in his hair and on his clothes.
“Well, maybe next time you’ll think about what you’re sayin’ before you say it,” Joel says, but he reaches down and helps him up. They jostle each other around a little more as Tommy tries to pick all the hay off him, but Tess, thoroughly fed up with their nonsense, gives them a look, and they stop.
“All right, are we getting out of here or not?” She asks, standing up from their makeshift bed, a milk-drunk Ellie half asleep against her chest.
“We can go whenever.” Frank motions to Bill, and he pulls out some small items from his pack, “I wanted to give you this first, Tess. This is an antiseptic that I made, it might be useful, I wasn’t sure what state you and Joel were in.” Tess takes the small tub and opens it up to smell it.
“That has an interesting scent, what is it?” she twists the top back on and slips it into her pack.
“It got a few different things in it, but you’re probably smelling the Myrrh,” Frank says, moving to help Tess put the last few things in her bag.
“Could be the Frankincense, too, that’s got a pretty distinctive smell as well,” Bill comments off handily as he helps Joel get Ellie's stuff packed up in a bag he pulls out of his own.
Tess suddenly looks at the two of them, her eyes pinched, “Are you two joking?” Bill and Frank look at her and then at each other brows furrowed in confusion.
“No, why would we be?” Frank responds, his voice hesitant. Tess shakes her head and walks over to Tommy and grabs his arm.
“Did you bring us a gift too?” She questions, fingers griping him just a little too tight.
“Ah yeah, but it’s probably stupid now,” Tommy says, looking bashful.
“Why, what is it?” Tess asks, her fingers softening when she sees his distress.
“Well, I told Joel I found somethin’ better after leaving the Firefly. It’s a place, a community, someplace safe, where we can all live. As soon as I heard about the baby, I had to come up here and convince you to come with me. I wanted to bring you a gift, but I don’t have much right now, so I grabbed something from one of the greenhouses there. Most of the greenhouses are for growin’ food and such, but some are for plants and flowers that have medicinal uses. I was helpin' out in there, and one of the flowers caught my eye, so I took it and pressed it into a book I thought you might like for the baby.” He goes to his pack and pulls out a book from inside. He walks over to Joel and hesitantly hands it to him. Joel’s hands shake when he sees the cover, it’s a little beat up, but it’s still in decent shape.
Tess leans over and reads the title “The Runaway Bunny” out loud.
Joel opens the front page and, pressed inside, is a bunch of bright yellow flowers. Joel lowers his head and takes a deep, ragged breath. “It’s Goldenrod, Sarah’s favorite flower because it attracted butterflies, and this was her favorite book.”
“I-I hope it’s okay, it’s just I saw them there right after I found out, and it felt like a sign. I had to grab some, if-if I overstepped Joel, I’m sorry.” Tommy stutters, his arms wrapped around his chest and his hands pressed under his armpits. It's something he’s done since he was a child, an act of self-soothing. Joel steps to him and pulls him into a hard hug, book still in hand.
“It’s a… mighty fine gift, Tommy. I-I reckon Sarah always wanted a little sister, and she woulda loved reading this to her. Thank you, baby brother, truly.” Joel wipes his face on his sleeve, and Tommy does the same as they pull away.
Tess laughs, and both brothers turn to her in surprise.
“What’s funny, Tess?” Joel asks with genuine interest when he sees her looking at the book in his hands.
“This is just so ridiculous, gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh from three wise men.” Tess huffs and walks back to grab her pack. “If you tell me that you found your way here by following a star, I will literally scream.”
Tommy scrunches his nose in confusion, then starts to laugh. “Oh Christ, now I see what you’re gettin’ at. This here nativity tale told in real life.” He presses a hand to his forehead and shakes his head, a smile curving his lips. “Not to worry, came here the old-fashioned way with a car and a map.” Tommy reaches into his bag and hands the map over to Tess as they all make their way out of the stable. Joel is closing up the door when Tess lets out a snot. She holds up the map and points to the far corner, where the name of the manufacturer is printed.
It's listed as Bethlehem, inc., and it’s right next to the compass rose, also known as the compass star. Everyone stops and stares as Tess’s face rolls through a range of emotions. It finally settles on resignation, and she folds the map back up and returns it to Tommy. Joel helps her settle Ellie against her chest with the wrap that Shepherd and his wife gave them, and they start moving again as she shakes her head once more, smiling to herself at the ridiculousness of it all.
“All right, boys, let’s get out of this shit hole and find our way home.” Joel wraps his arm around her, and she pulls Tommy in so she can link her arm with his as Bill and Frank show them the way.