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If there was one holiday Dan Heng didn’t enjoy, it was Christmas.
Unluckily for him, he was alone in this belief this year, with March humming to herself as she plastered every wall and surface in the university dorms with Christmas decorations. She lined every wall with little paper trees, strings of lights and baubles, found a miniature Christmas tree on sale which she put in the dorm’s kitchen with tiny baubles and tinsel, and placed wreaths on every door. She even decorated Stelle’s beloved trash can with every colour of tinsel she could find, to the absolute delight of her girlfriend.
The only place where March’s Christmas cheer didn’t spread was his own dorm room, his bedroom door conspicuously free of any wreath. She’d tried to convince him to play along, but her puppy eyes failed to move his stony face, and she let him be.
She did however manage to convince him to help her out with the Christmas party she was holding at the dorm; her argument that it’d be the last time they’d see their friends before going on winter break was convincing enough for him to stick around, at least. He wasn’t too keen on going back home, even for a couple of weeks, he might as well hang out with the people he’d grown to enjoy being with, even if it meant being surrounded by the holiday he didn’t like thinking about.
So here he was, surrounded by glitter and fairy lights, wearing a reindeer jumper that March insisted looked cute on him, as he put bowls and plates of snacks, stacks of disposable cups and bottles of every drink they could find, both alcoholic and non-alcoholic, on every available surface he could find.
As he put down the last of the vodka, he saw the self-proclaimed Christmas fairy herself in the corner of his eye, standing on a chair as she stuck something small up onto the ceiling.
“What’s that?” He asked, turning around to look.
March looked over his shoulder at him and beamed. “Oh, just a little extra Christmas cheer~!” She exclaimed, stepping down from the chair and putting her hands on her hips. “There! It’s perfect!” She giggled.
He looked up at where she was staring and sighed. “Mistletoe, March?”
“Yep! Tis the season! Besides, I wanna get just one little smooch with Stelle under the mistletoe before we all leave for winter break! If anyone else wants to have a go, they’re free.”
Of course. She just wanted to have a festive kiss with her girlfriend. There wasn’t anything wrong with that, but… the thought of kissing at Christmas…
No, he didn’t need to think about that now. This was to make March and the rest of his friends happy. She didn’t need to know all this, he’d been enough of a wet blanket as it was.
The mistletoe was just for her and the friends they had that were dating each other anyway. This wasn’t about him, it was about having a good time with the friends he’d made here at university.
“Alright. I’m sure Stelle will like it.” He wasn’t going to rain on her parade, even if mistletoe left an ache in his heart and twisted his stomach.
“Good! I hope she likes my gingerbread cookies too!” March exclaimed, turning away to look at the tray of gingerbread folk she had out.
Dan Heng tried to focus on them. They were misshapen and the icing was awkwardly piped on, but the test batch she’d made for him to try earlier tasted excellent. No doubt Stelle would love them too.
He wanted to feel nothing but happiness for them, and all the couples that’d be joining them tonight, but as long as he was surrounded by Christmas, he’d only taste sour misery in his mouth.
For now, he’d just finish up the last of the preparations, and push away these feelings.
*
At last, the party was in full swing. Just about everyone Dan Heng knew was there; Stelle and was there as expected, chatting away to March while munching away on gingerbread folk. Those cookies were a big hit, just as expected, and March was pink with pride.
Sampo was there too, whispering something into Gepard’s ear while the blond’s cheeks went pink. Guinafen was taking selfies by the window with Sushang’s arm on her shoulder, Lynx and Pela were exchanging shy smiles on the couch, Serval was busy flipping through the playlist on March’s phone for a specific song, and Bronya and Seele were cosied up together, planting a kiss under the mistletoe.
Dan Heng looked away, down at the coke bottle in his hands. He’d tucked himself away in a chair in the corner of the room, not really wanting to leave just yet, but not really wanting to stay either. He’d give it an hour before making his way to his bed, maybe make small talk with one of the few non-coupled up people at the party
Just then, he heard the doorbell ring.
“Oh!” Stelle jumped, “I guess she’s finally here… I didn’t think she’d come over.”
March blinked, “Wait, you don’t mean…” She ran to the door, Stelle immediately rushing after her.
Dan Heng frowned. Who were they talking about? He hoped it really was some friend he didn’t know was coming…
He got up from his seat, marching through the door and along the corridor, following the two just behind. If this wasn’t whoever Stelle had invited, then he’d help back the duo up against any gatecrashers.
March unlocked the door and pulled it open, and two people stared back.
“Oh, you must be March. I’m Kafka, Stelle’s told me all about you,” A woman with dark pink hair dressed in leather grinned down at March, extending her hand. “Sorry for being so late, Bladie here was being so stubborn… but I have my ways of getting him to listen.” She chuckled, gesturing to the taller man at her left.
“Oh, um, nice to meet you.” March shook her hand, her voice stunned.
“You brought someone?” Stelle sounded a little confused.
“I didn’t want him to sit alone moping as usual. He’s so moody around Christmas. Well, moodier. I figured getting him out the home might help.” Kafka chuckled, shaking her head.
Dan Heng inched closer, peering over March’s shoulder to get a better look.
The moment he saw the man’s face, his whole body stiffened, his face turning white. Of all the times to see him again… of course it had to be today. It just had to be Christmas time, just like before.
“This is Blade. We were looking for a guitarist, and, well… I happened to hear him play in one of the music rooms here. He’s not the talkative type, but don’t worry, he doesn’t bite.”
The man she called Blade looked down at them all. “Hey.” He muttered.
Blade… no, that wasn’t his name, but that was definitely his face. His hair wasn’t the beautiful snow white that he dreamt of anymore — he’d dyed it some dark blue colour, with fading red tips — but those red eyes, the handsome face… it couldn’t be anyone but him.
When Blade looked over at him, his eyes widening and his eyebrows raised, he knew that he knew too.
Yingxing.
The man Dan Heng had fallen so hard for, the man he still saw in his dreams at night, haunting him with whispered promises and warm smiles. Even when he woke up, he could still feel his warm lips on his neck, hear his laugh ringing in his ears.
Dan Heng took a step back, his throat dry, his ears filled with static, his mind flooded with disjointed memories — or were they all just dreams now? He wasn’t even sure anymore.
“Dan Heng? Hey, Dan Heng!” He felt a small hand shake his shoulder.
He snapped out of his waking dream with a start, meeting familiar blue-pink eyes.
“Dan Heng, are you okay? Hey, say something…” March gave his shoulder another shake.
He blinked, swallowing down his feelings as he nodded. “Sorry, I’m just feeling a bit… I need to lie down.”
And before March could protest, he sped off, back into his dorm room and shutting the door behind him.
*
He wasn’t sure how much time had passed since he curled up on his bed. He tried to shut his eyes, but the combination of the loud Christmas tunes blaring through the wall and the headache pulsing in his head meant he couldn’t just sleep this away.
Thankfully, it seemed like he was going to be left alone for the rest of the night. No doubt March told everyone he wasn’t feeling well or something among those lines, which was close enough to the truth.
Finally, he could hear the party winding down, the music turned off, with only faint indistinct chatter and footsteps left to hear, and on top of that he could feel his headache starting to subside.
His mouth was feeling pretty dry however, and it was starting to bother him. Blade could still be there though…
Screw it. He was going to just run to the living room, grab the first drink he could find, run back to his room and try to sleep.
Slowly, he pushed himself up from the bed, running his hand through his hair, then took a deep breath before rushing out of the door.
He sped along the corridor, not paying attention to whoever was still talking in the kitchen, and made his way to the living room.
Good, the living room was quiet. The only downside was that there was a mountain of empty bottles that he’d be helping clear up in the morning.
Grumbling under his breath, Dan Heng crouched down and began to look through the trash heap. Maybe there was still one half-empty bottle he could just grab and go…
“Dan Heng.” The unmistakable deep voice made Dan Heng freeze up.
Damn it. Of course he was still here.
Unwillingly, he turned around, pulling himself up from the floor, looking over at Blade.
Of course he was not only here, but he was blocking the doorway. Now that he had a better look at him, he could see he was wearing a leather jacket not unlike Kafka’s, but he could spot a festive Santa sweater underneath. He couldn’t ever picture him wearing that freely; at least he wasn’t alone in being dragged into the festive cheer. Not that it mattered now.
Dan Heng estimated his chances of pushing past him and escaping to the safety of his room; unfortunately, not good.
He took a deep breath, looking up into those eyes. “What do you want?”
“What do I want?” Blade narrowed his eyes, “You know exactly what I want.”
Dan Heng braced himself, making his way closer to Blade one step at a time.
“Do not even try to give me that wounded look. Dan Heng. You know exactly what you did; you aren’t a victim here.” He hissed. “But I should’ve expected it the moment I saw you. You always run when things get tough.”
Dan Heng glared back. “I don’t run from everything,” He clenched his fists, “What was I even supposed to do? I didn’t have a choice. I didn’t want to leave.”
“Is that why you didn’t answer any of my messages? Why you ignored all my calls? Even now, you’re trying to run away from me.” Blade folded his arms.
Dan Heng winced. This was exactly what he was afraid of; of Yingxing, the man he’d loved more than anyone else, hating him for what he’d done. He knew if he ever saw him again, he wouldn’t be able to face him, yet here they were.
Well, he had to face the music now. At the very least, Yingxing, or the man he’d become now, deserved an explanation.
He took a deep breath and walked up to him. If Yingxing, Blade, whatever he called himself, still hated him after this, he understood.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to cut you off completely. I mean it. They took my phone, Yingxing, forbid me from using the internet for anything other than studying after they found out. And of course, making me transfer schools… I’ve not been able to be free until coming here, and I’m still going back to them for the holidays.”
“They? Wait, you mean… your foster family?” Blade’s eyes were wide.
Dan Heng nodded. “They’ve never liked you, or any of our friends. They wouldn’t even let me tell anyone where I was going. Probably thought they’d pass the message on and you’d try to free me.”
Blade stood there, stunned. “Wait, so this whole time… it was all because of your foster family? I’d thought after what we did… well, that you didn’t want to see me anymore. You didn’t even show up for our Christmas night out.”
“How could I?” Dan Heng sighed bitterly, “I was already packing my bags for the new year.” He hated even thinking about Christmas ever since, so consumed by guilt. That night was supposed to be just for the two of them, like an anniversary, and he’d been forced to stand him up without even an explanation, instead forced to pack his belongings and ge ready to move to the other side of the country, with no friends, nothing but his studies until he finally earned his university scholarship.
Christmas was supposed to be about family, about those around you that you loved, but ever since that Christmas, it just made him feel lonelier than ever.
He took another deep breath, swallowing, “But… I’m still sorry. I should’ve tried harder to reach you, Yingxing. It really hurt not being able to see you anymore.”
“Dan Heng…” Blade’s — no, Yingxing’s — voice lost all his venom. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I… I missed you.”
“I missed you too.” For the first time, the words came out easily.
They were close now, close enough that he could feel Yingxing’s breath on his cheek. Dan Heng’s heart began to race in his chest. For the first time in so long, it wasn’t a dream.
“Hey, look.” Yingxing pointed up, a smirk on his lips.
Dan Heng looked up and saw it; the mistletoe. He let out an embarrassed chuckle. “Yeah, March put some up earlier. You aren’t suggesting…?”
Before he could finish, Yingxing leaned in, tilting Dan Heng’s chin up and pressing his lips to his.
The kiss was soft, sweet, and so tender he could feel his eyes pricking up. How could a whole person feel more like home than anywhere he’d stayed in?
As soon as their lips pulled apart, Dan Heng wrapped his arms around him, burying his face in his chest.
Yingxing’s hand gently stroked his hair, the other hand on his back. “Dan Heng… let’s go. You still owe me that night out.”
Dan Heng’s heart started fluttering. “...Only if you kiss me again.”
He could feel the vibrations of Yingxing’s laughter against his cheek before he tilted Dan Heng’s head up again.
*