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It was another December in the vampire household and despite what you might think with the whole baby Jesus thing and the fact that most in the household were old enough to remember a time before the man in a red coat we now call Santa Christmas spirit wasn't completely out of the picture. Sure their house didn't have a huge inflatable Santa or any reindeer in front of it, but the inside had some cheer to it. It wasn't more than a few festive candles and random winter decorations here and there but it was enough for our family of vampires.
It wasn't always like this however. It started when the only human in the house Guillermo started to miss the yearly Christmas spirit one year. You see while he was still more of a Halloween guy the very apparent lack of Christmas in his life started to wear on him a little. So he decided to go through some old photos of Christmas past and reminisce on his youth.
For those who don't know nostalgia and the Christmas spirit are powerful things. So powerful it surrounds you in a bubble where you might not hear a vampire come behind you. A bubble that cost the house a lamp that got knocked to the ground after Guillermo accidentally threw the album in his hands into the air after being startled by his master Nandor.
“Guillermo! What are you doing!?” Nandor yelled as he barged into the room.
Of course, Nandor was pissed about the now broken lamp but that could wait cause the thing that hit said lamp caught Nandor's eye. For you see a particular photo of a very young Guillermo on the lap of an old man in red fascinated the man. “Who the fuck is that?”
“That's me as a child master.” Guillermo said while picking the photo album up carefully.
Nandor snatched the album out of Guillermo's hands. “No no that creepy old man,” he said pointing to the mall Santa.
“...You mean Santa?” Guillermo was puzzled. Surely he's seen Santa before? He's unescapable this time of year. Guillermo tried to look for any little facial expression that might indicate that Nandor was joking but nope none were there. So he asked, “Do you know who Santa is?”
“Guillermo I've seen a lot of men in red suits and white beards. No, I've not heard of this Santa guy you're sitting on.” Nandor said with annoyance like Guillermo was supposed to know this.
“well, he's not really Santa? It’s complicated.”
The noise of the lamp and the talk of Santa must have been loud cause it summoned two other vampires to gather in the room. “What the fuck is going on in here?“ said Laszlo.
“Guillermo was just asking me if I knew of this man called Santa?” Nandor showed the others the photo that sparked this and Guillermo suddenly wanted to set the album on fire.
“Isn't that the old man we see ringing that bell every year?” Nadja asked.
“No my darling he very clearly doesn't have a bell in his hand.” Laszlo said pointing to the old man's hands.
“Wait, have you guys never really heard of Santa?” Guillermo shouldn't really be as shocked as he is and yet he honestly expected them to have at least seen him before.
“I have.” Everyone in the room jumped a little at their unexpected (though never truly expected most of the time) final member of the house Colin Robinson. “Oh, I'm quite familiar with old Chris Kringle alright. in fact, I know that-”
“SHUT UP COLIN ROBINSON!” everyone yelled.
“yeesh you act like we're supposed to know every man in red we stumble across. what's so amazing about this Santa guy?”
Well, Guillermo told them alright. He told them everything from the elves to the list. Some facts they actually knew but the rest were unfamiliar to them. The only detail he didn't drop (the fact he wasn't real) got cut off by Laszlo.
”So let me get this straight there's this old man who knows everything about every human, on one night a year goes all around the world just giving shit away, and no human has really seen him? Gizmo I think this Santa guy is a vampire.“
”I'm sorry what?“ Guillermo said dumbfounded.
“Laszlo is right this has to be the most powerful vampire I've ever heard of. Guillermo, could we maybe find this Santa person and ask if he could maybe stop by the house at some point? I would love to get some presents from him! Maybe even meet him!” Nandor chipped in.
“well actually…” Guillermo was about the drop the fact that Santa isn't a vampire cause unlike vampires he wasn't real but then he looked at their faces. For a story mainly meant to keep kids in check they were very invested dare Guillermo say kinda excited by the idea that maybe this Santa might stop by. So he decided to keep their cheer intact “I'm not so sure if we could meet Santa face to face since he's so busy. Sorry.” The illusion was still intact but he could tell the vampires were a little disappointed. “Tell you what how about you guys go write him letters and see if he could get his familiar to drop off some gifts?” And with that the vampires all rushed off to write their letters. All but Colin Robinson.
”So you've got the old bloodsuckers hooked on the jolly man?“
“Look can you not fuck up the magic for them? I know it might be tempting but could you at least tell them after this is over.”
“Oh no santa isn't real drains aren't as tasty or as filling as other holiday drains. which reminds me I haven't stopped by the mall this year.” With that Colin walked off and Guillermo was left to clean up the lamp.
—
”GUILLERMOOOOO LOOK SANTA'S FAMILIAR CAME EARLY!!“ Guillermo was startled awake. The sun has just set did he really leave his coffin all on his own? But why?
”Master what the fuck are you talking about?“ Guillermo said rubbing the sleep from his eyes before putting on his glasses. Then he saw it. You see while running daytime errands Guillermo decided to pick up a lamp to replace the one broken in the Santa commotion. While Guillermo had yet to have read the vampire's letters to Santa he guess he should have hid the lamp for Christmas. Apparently.
”Look! Santa stopped by and got the lamp I wanted!“ Guillermo was too tired for this.
“Master it's not time for Santa to deliver gifts yet. Hell I bet he hasn't even read your letters yet.“
Nandor gave him a puzzled look and slightly tilted his head like a dog. “But this is the exact lamp I wanted? Why would the exact lamp I asked for just appear if it wasn't Santa who dropped it off?”
“That's cause I bought it, master.” Guillermo said trying to fight off the annoyance in his voice.
“How did you know what lamp I wanted? Unless... Guillermo, are you Santa's familiar?”
“No master it was just a lucky guess”
“Great! What is Santa supposed to get me now!” Nandor crossed his arms in a huff.
“Well, you could write to him again? The lamp can't be the only thing you wanted.”
Nandor thought for a moment. “Good idea.” and so he walked off.
that wouldn't be the last time Guillermo would see Nandor get so excited for Christmas. slowly the house grew some festive but nonharmful for the vamps decorations and Nandor would wake up extra early every night due to his excitement for that fateful night kicking in. Slowly the whole house joined in the jolly mood.
Nadja and Laszlo weren't as into it as Nandor but they did hang up some mistletoe. (though they did a bit more than kissing under them) Colin would drain the carolers that stopped by and would feed off the newly found holiday stress Guillermo was radiating. Which leads me to Guillermo.
Now it's one thing to buy gifts for family members you haven't talked to in years it's another to buy them for your little family of vampires. Cause at least with the bio family what they went can (for most people) be bought in this day and age. Still, Guillermo pushed on.
—
Twas the day of Christmas and Guillermo was dressed in a Santa costume.
He originally wasn't going to but after finding it cheap while doing some Christmas shopping he couldn't resist. He was going to wear it later but well one thing led to another and he ended up dressed as Santa at a family Christmas party. He was lucky to not only get the scratchy fake beard off but to get out of there before sunset.
Sadly not quick enough cause by the time he got home the sun was very close to set. He quietly but quickly got out the gifts for the vamps and made his way to the small tree they had. (Nandor wanted a bigger one but this was the only one they had left. Surprise surprise you can't really find a good tree a few days before Christmas.)
As he was about to put the last gift down a noise made him jump. He turned around and saw his one fear had been realized and Nandor was up early.
“Santa what are you doing here? it's not even night out.” Nandor was very confused. He got even more confused when he saw the face of the Santa in front of him. “Wait a minute…” Guillermo held his breath. “Where's your white beard?”
While Guillermo still needed to cover his ass he breathed a sigh of relief. Putting on a slightly deeper voice he said “Oh well I'm not Santa I'm-”
”OOOH YOU'RE SANTA'S FAMILIAR!” Nandor interrupted practically bouncing making Guillermo jump again. “I mean I wish you were more than just a familiar. No offense,” Guillermo rolled his eyes “but welcome regardless!”
“Well uh, thanks but I was just wrapping up here. I wish I could stay but you know how things are. Santa really needs me and I can't stay for long.” He set down the last gift at turned to walk away.
Nandor looked down at the gifts and silently counted “Where's Guillermo's gift?”
Guillermo turned his head confused. “I'm sorry what?”
“Well, you placed down four gifts and there should be five. I looked at all the gifts and I see every name except for Guillermo's. Where's his gift?” Now Guillermo did get himself a gift while shopping for the vamps. The thing is he didn't expect anyone let alone Nandor to care. So he didn't place it with the other gifts.
“Well, it was only you guys who wrote to Santa so he thought Guillermo didn't want anything.”
“But Colin Robinson didn't write anything and he got a present!” crap “Did Guillermo end up on the naughty list? Surely there must have been a mistake?”
“I don't know what to tell you.” If it weren't for the fact that he's trying to keep the illusion of being basically a diet Santa up he would show Nandor how flattered he was that such a small thing mattered to him.
Instead, Guillermo is well one trying to make sure Nandor doesn't find out it's him and now two trying to back away from the man. He failed though and ended up with his collar being grabbed by the guy and his face growing too close to his.
“Listen to me,” Nandor said in a sickeningly sweet voice “Guillermo while he's just a familiar is the nicest most caring human I know. If your little Santa knows what's good for him he'll fix this mistake and send us a gift for my dear familiar. Cause by humiliating him by leaving him presentless on a night of giving you are humiliating me. And your Santa doesn't wanna know what I do to people who humiliate me hm? ”
Guillermo doesn't know if he should be flattered, afraid, or turned on. Whatever he’s feeling right now isn’t important cause right now he needs to make sure he doesn't get fucking murdered. “OK OK, I'll go get a gift for him just please let me go.”
Within the span of a few seconds, Nandor went from unknowingly threatening Guillermo's life to once again bouncing like a child. He let go of Guillermo's collar. “Thank you Mr.familiar Claus!”
“Now go back to your coffin and don't tell anyone about this. You're not even supposed to be up right now.” Nandor turned to mist and flew away. Guillermo ran to his room and put the new copy of Interview With The Vampire he bought into a bag, threw in some tissue paper, and gave it a from Santa label on it.
As soon as the sun fully set and Guillermo was less of a wreck of nerves he got out of his Santa costume and got Nandor properly out of his coffin. Guillermo was too busy thinking about that little incident prior to be fully paying attention to almost everyone's reactions. All he knew was that there was a bunch of just what I asked fors and thanks Santas passed around.
He snapped out of it when Nandor say his name. “What did Santa get you Guillermo?” Right, he got something from “Santa” too.
“Aren't you going to open your gift first master?”
“No no, I wanna make sure Santa got you a good gift.” Nandor said in a tone that Guillermo could tell was him making sure familiar clause didn’t get him a lump of coal.
“Oh wow, a new copy of interview! I've been needing to get one.” Wasn't Guillermo's best performance but it looked like it was enough to fool everyone. Still, the look on Nandor's face wasn't too pleased.
“Don't you already have that?”
“Yeah well, that one is about to fall apart so thanks Santa.”
Nandor sighed a little then pulled out a not-so-greaty wrapped box and gave it to Guillermo.
“What's this?”
“No offense Guillermo but I had a feeling that your gift was going to be a bit shitty so I got you something. So that you wouldn't mope around when you see how great our gifts are.”
While the wording could be different Guillermo was still flattered. “You bought me a gift master?”
“Just open up the fucking box.” And so Guillermo did. It wasn't really much to most. It was another sweater the others would call shitty and Guillermo would call cozy. That is until Guillermo gave it a tiny bit of inspection. He doesn't know if it was intentional or not but there were these tiny hearts in the pattern. A tiny piece of love Guillermo could wear. “Thank you master.” He wanted to go in for a hug but he knew Nandor would just deny it.
And that only left Nandor's gift. “My own Santa coat!” Well, it wasn't the same as old Saint Nick's. It was red and long sure but instead of white the neck and bottom had black fluff and there was gold embroidery all along it starting from the middle where brown straps meet to close the coat up. Guillermo still doesn't know how he even managed to get it but all he hopes now is that Nandor likes it enough to forget about the little slip-up. The last thing he needs is to keep Nandor from finding and killing Santa or his made-up familiar.
Once gift opening was over with the vampires scattered to their own devices.
–
Later that night as Guillermo was about to close the coffin he and Nandor had a little chat. “Again thanks for the gift master.”
“You’re welcome Guillermo. Though I will say I don’t know if we should ask for anything from Santa next year.”
Guillermo looked at him a bit puzzled but something deep within him was kinda relieved. “Why master?”
Nandor leaned in and said in a hushed tone “I’m not supposed to tell anyone but I ran into his familiar while he was dropping off the gifts and I gotta say Santa needs to get better staff. He almost forgot your gift.”
Guillermo faked being shocked. “Really master?”
“Yeah, and he was a total dick about it! I will say though he had a nice plump ass.” Guillermo blushed a little. “I’ll have to write a letter to Santa asking him to either reprimand his familiar for what he did or to never stop by our house again.”
Guillermo failed to fight back the smile on his face. “Happy holidays master.”
“You too Guillermo. Close the lid.” And with the lid closing it marked the end of the first Christmas in the vampire household.
Happy holidays dear reader.