Chapter Text
Anakin Skywalker didn't know what he expected death to feel like, but he was sure he hadn't expected to feel safe. Relieved, even. Wrapped in the Force, he thought he could stay wherever he was and finally be at peace. Except he couldn't. Something was missing. He was alone. He couldn't remember ever being alone, now that he thought about it. Sure, he had moments, but he had always been connected to someone. Maybe this wasn't such a good situation after all. Or maybe he had simply arrived at a place where people didn't congregate.
He reached out with the Force, trying to see if he could find his mother or Padme. He didn't find them, but did sense Obi-Wan and Yoda. On the one hand, he wondered why they seemed to be ignoring him. On the other hand, he found he didn't want to face them. They'd probably reprimand him, anyway.
He found he could move just by thinking it, so he carried on searching for his original targets. He decided to search Tatooine first, assuming his mother would still be there. He didn't find her, but did find Tusken raiders, which had him scurrying off planet as quickly as possible. He studiously ignored the reasons for his fear.
Naboo was the next likely suspect, so off he went to Padme's lakeside home. There, he found them both, and he smiled happily. He leapt toward them and held out his arms, but when they froze and then began to retreat slowly, he faltered.
Padme and Shmi glanced at each other anxiously and stepped toward each other protectively. Shmi even put an arm around Padme reassuringly.
"Ani?" whispered his mother uncertainly.
"Of course. It's good to see you. Don't you recognize me?"
"Well...Actually..." Shmi hesitated.
Padme met Anakin's gaze sadly. "No. We don't. We haven't for a long time now."
"But...I still love you both."
Padme blinked. "You can look me in the eye and tell me that after you nearly killed me? After you used the Force in a way the Jedi would never have approved?"
"SO you're taking Obi-Wan's side? He's the one who-"
"I cannot believe you!" Padme stared at Anakin, horrified. "After all he's done for us, for you, you still hold him responsible for your error in judgment?"
"He wouldn't let me reach my full potential."
"Your..." Padme's eyes widened, then filled with tears. "Obi-Wan did want you to achieve great things. But somehow, I don't think he defines potential in terms of Force sensitivity."
"And that's just it. He didn't allow me to use the Force to the extent I was capable of."
"No. He didn't allow you to use it for evil."
"If he's so great, why didn't you marry him?"
Padme sighed. "Now you're just being unreasonable. But what else is new? All I know is that you aren't the person I fell in love with."
"Padme." Anakin looked lost, confused. He looked at his mother and saw disappointment in her eyes.
Anakin sighed and turned away. Where could he go now? He realized suddenly that he didn't have very many friends. He never saw the point, honestly. People envied or feared him; some admired him. This was useful. But to have company merely because one enjoyed it? It only complicated matters later.
Now that he thought about it, even Luke had been ashamed of him. Denial, disgust, horror were all there. It broke Luke's heart that he had been sired by someone so cruel.
Anakin had no other choice. It was the Jedi or no one.