Chapter Text
“I’ve missed you” Crowley whispered. He sat in a green garden much like Eden. A rustic wood table weathered by time held two glasses of Châteauneuf de Pas, its legs adorned with delicate vines and lush flowers. The wind rustled leaves as melodious nightingales sang in the trees, but Crowley couldn’t look anywhere but at Aziraphale, who sat in his usual clothes, replied “Oh Crowley.”
A blooming meadow spread across the fields in the distance, its hues of green, yellow and pink spread like a vibrant tablecloth.
“No really angel. I have.” He continued staring longingly at Aziraphale.
“Crowley-”
“You know it’s been so long since I last saw you. I can barely believe you’re here. It’s just- It’s lovely.”
“Crowley?”
“Yes Angel? Is that all you say nowadays?” Crowley laughed.
“CROWLEY!”
Crowley unwillingly opened his eyes to see what appeared to be a very angry, and very red woman.
“Shax?” He mumbled, still adjusting to the newly found light in his apartment.
“You’re a rather heavy sleeper.” Shax growled, her brow twitching as she watched Crowley roll around. She was standing at the foot of his bed, wearing her usual obnoxious red dress, and growing rather impatient.
“Where- How the fuck did you get in here?” Crowley looked around, his curtains were open, his apartment looking tidier than he remembered it being.
Shax didn’t answer, instead responding: “You know when I gave you this apartment back it was because I felt bad for you. This place was a shithole originally, how have you made it worse?”
Crowley rolled over again to face the wall.
“I don’t need your pity, Shax, and it’s not even that bad.”
He sat up to look around, bottles were scattered everywhere, some empty, some half-full. The stench of liquor lingered in the air and the damp smell of wine clung to the walls. His plants sat in a corner, now brown and decaying.
“Nevermind. Jesus, how long have I been out?”
“Only about a week, but you know I’d think if you were going to sleep for a couple years you’d at least tidy up a bit. It stinks in here. I got rid of some bottles for you - and opened the windows. You really needed some fresh air in here, it’s unhealthy.”
Crowley gave her a confused look, before attempting to get the half-empty gin bottle on his side table. His hand flailed for a moment, and he managed to grab the neck of a port bottle. “Good enough” he murmured, but before he could take a sip Shax snatched it out of his hand.
“Bit early for that, don’t you think? Besides you don’t need it. You look horrid.”
She wasn’t necessarily lying, Crowley’s hair had grown out to how it looked in 2007, but knotted and unbrushed. He wore a baggy, and rather stained, queen top, as well as some red checkered bottoms. He may have been asleep but his glasses remained tightly secured to his face.
His morning doziness started to wear off, and he recalled it must have been about six months since Aziraphale had left, and for every second of those six months, Crowley had either been sulking, drinking or sleeping, with an occasional drunken phone call to Nina or Muriel. After one month of living in his car, Shax offered him his old flat. She may not have been the kindest soul, but she didn’t completely lack empathy. And for the next five months, he hadn’t moved from his bed. After bingeing the entirety of The Good Place, Our Flag Means Death, and other various shows, he attempted to go into hibernation. But here he was, rudely awakened by his former coworker, at 6 am, on a random Tuesday.
“What do you want then?” Crowley spat.
“Want? Why I just wanted to visit you! I thought-”
“Cut the bullshit Shax, just tell me.”
“Well, aren’t you just a ray of sunshine.”
Crowley groaned, he wasn’t in the mood for sarcastic comments and was certainly not in the mood to be anywhere near Shax.
“Ok well if you must know, hell has been rather.. chaotic. The demons are on strike. They won’t listen to me or any of their superiors. It’s a bit of a disaster really, and I’m just- well I’m not cut out for it.”
“Cut out for what?”
Shax paused for a moment, before guiltily admitting: “Grand duke of hell.”
Crowley snorted. “No surprise there.”
But Shax’s expression remained stern. “Well, we thought, maybe, you could take on the role?”
His face dropped.
“Ah yes Shax, I would just love to come and work as the leader of hell, after they tried to destroy me from existence, twice.”
“Brilliant! You can start now,” However, Shax’s enthusiasm faded as she noticed the smirk on Crowley’s face. “Ah. Sarcasm.”
Crowley laughed a little to himself, calming down before saying: “Alright Shax, nice seeing you. Get out of my apartment now.”
Shax looked more puzzled than before.
“What?”
“Get out of my flat now Shax. I’m not working for hell.”
“That’s a little unreasonable, don’t you think?”
Crowley was growing more and more impatient by the minute. He just wanted Shax out. He came up with what seemed a good plan at the time, grabbing a hydro flask from his side table, he questioned: “Know what’s in here?”
Shax looked at him concerned.
“No, why would I know what-”
Crowley let out an exaggerated sigh, before responding: “It’s holy water Shax. God, you’re slow.”
(If there was anything Crowley was good at, it was believable bluffing. And the flask he had just grabbed was the same one Aziraphale had given him in the 60s after all.)
Shax stood silently, her jaw moving between attempted words, however no sound was coming out. After a few seconds, she managed to get out: “No it’s not! Even if it is why would you have it? That’s- That’s hugely unreasonable!”
“Shax there is no way in Hell, Heaven or Earth you can get me to work for hell again. Now leave.”
“But you’ll be able to stop Armageddon.” She blurted desperately.
Crowley’s brow raised. Stopping armageddon was what he had been working for since before the beginning. If Aziraphale wasn’t able to, then he could.
“But why would you want that?”
Shax rocked back and forth on her feet.
“My time on Earth has been.. different than life in hell. I’ve grown rather..” She searched for the right words, “rather fond of it. And I wouldn’t want to see it go to waste just yet. There’s not much I can do as Grand Duke to stop the plans, the demons won’t listen to me. But you Crowley, the demons down there respect you! Admire you. You could get them under control.”
To consider he was still fairly hung-over, tired, and heart-broken; Crowley seemed to be thinking straight for the first time in six months.
“Stop Armageddon” He chuckled. “Yea. Yea actually. I think I’d like that.”
He looked at Shax, smiling. But Shax could tell it wasn’t a warm smile, not an inviting one. It was a smile she hadn’t seen since his last (almost) execution. He held out his hand, to which Shax took in a cold shake. Crowley may have looked a pitiful mess, but that didn’t stop her from feeling rather afraid of him, his eyes pierced through his glasses, and he was holding her hand a little too firmly for a friendly handshake.
Crowley miracled his usual clothes on, leaving his over-worn pyjamas in a heap on his bed, accompanied by the flask.