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Will got home first that night, which was unusual, and he checked his messages for an update from Mouse. There wasn’t one. He’d left second that morning, Mouse kissing him softly as he lay in Mouse’s bed happily, the dawn sunshine just starting to warm the blankets. It was new, staying over and waking up beside each other so sweetly, and returning to the apartment without him there felt strange. He turned on the lights, and the heat, and he found ingredients in Mouse’s apartment to make him dinner to come home to. He had to Google what to do with the tofu in Mouse’s fridge, but he’d known before they’d started dating that Mouse had been vegetarian since he’d gotten out of the army. He knew Mouse, and he knew that he’d come home when he could, and he felt home here too.
He could almost hear Jay’s warning as he set the skillet on the stove with a drizzle of olive oil so he could saute the marinated tofu he’d serve over the rice and vegetable bowl he had on the other burners of Mouse’s stove.
Don’t hurt him, alright ?
He didn’t want to, and he was going to do everything in his power not to, because Mouse deserved a place to come home to that was safe, that was warm, a place where he could rest his bones and worries about relapsing. He wanted to be the cushion that caught Mouse when he stumbled so he didn’t scrape his hands and knees on the hard ground.
Take care of him .
When Mouse finally made it through the door, Will was well past starting to worry, and had finally convinced himself that it was time to type out a message to him. He looked like hell. His eyes were dull, and his frown was etched deep into his features, and Will set his phone down immediately.
“Hey,” Will said, and turned just in time to watch Mouse drop his laptop bag on the ground and stumble towards him. He caught Mouse in an embrace as Mouse fell into him in return, and he knew that Mouse initiating contact was rare enough to wrap him in his arms, and hold him tight. “You’re alright.”
“Today fucking sucked,” Mouse murmured into his chest where he rested his face into Will’s sternum. “Rough case with a kid and his mom.”
Will brushed a hand up and down Mouse’s spine, taking his weight without complaint, without bother. He would hold Mouse forever if he could, just to keep him whole and safe the way he deserved.
“She killed him,” Mouse finally said after long minutes holding tight to each other. “She killed him because she caught him with his boyfriend, and – he was just a kid, just fifteen, and they were just holding hands and kissing, and I kept seeing, seeing me, and my mom, and you, and if she ever found out that I’m -”
He shook his head.
“Hey, listen, you’re alright here. Your mom isn’t here, and you’re safe with me here. She’s not here.”
Mouse let out a long, wobbling breath, unsteady but there, proof that he was alive, that he was still alive in Will’s arms where he belonged.
“God, I hate this. It’s been decades, and I can’t, I can’t let go of her and the way she spoke to me, and the, the fact that she never showed up when I tried to die because of her, and – I feel so goddamn weak.”
“Okay, come here,” Will said, and he grabbed one of Mouse’s hands to take them into the living room so they could sit down, facing each other with their knees pressed against the other’s. “Okay, there we go. You aren’t weak, not at all. This is a normal, absolutely understandable response to what you saw today, and you – I could never do what you do. I couldn’t -”
“What? Of course, you could. You’re a doctor who works in emergency medicine. You see crazy shit all day.”
“I do, yeah, but I don’t see the darkest parts of people. I don’t see and dig into the past lives of people commiting attrocities. I don’t track down their movements and follow them for hours and days to try and catch them. Beyond the fact that I can barely reset my own password so I couldn’t possibly actually do your job, I couldn’t see what you see every single day and keep going back to work.”
“You don’t know that,” Mouse muttered, and he shook his head. He wasn’t crying, but Will could see that he might be on the edge of doing it. “You’re so much stronger than me, and -”
“Oh, that’s definitely not true,” Will said and he let out a soft laugh. “Look, that’s not a measurement you should care about. There are going to be times when you need help, and I can give you that, and there are going to be times when I need help, and you give me that in turn. That’s what this relationship is. That’s what any relationship is, and I know you’re new to this, sweetheart. I know you are, so it’s okay that you don’t know this, but it’s okay to be weak and needy . I love you, and it is okay to need someone to hold you up in a storm.”
“I love you,” Mouse replied softly. “I’m bad at needing someone.”
“I know that.”
“I’m bad at letting people in.”
“I know that, too.”
“And you love me anyway.”
“I do, because you don’t need to be good at something for people to love you and care about you. You could forget every single thing you know about technology and I would still love you.”
“This isn’t a skill,” Mouse said.
“Yeah, it is. You just need to keep practicing, and you’ll get better, and even if you don’t, I’ll be here for that anyway.”
“I don’t understand you, or relationships, and I maybe never wll.”
“Will you stay with me?” Will asked, even though he knew the answer. Or he hoped he knew the answer.
“Of course!” Mouse said, furrowing his eyebrows at Will.
“Then, doesn’t matter to me if you understand how this works, just as long as you stay here with me, and keep coming home after the hard days.”
Mouse leaned in and kissed him, a soft, sweet thing, there and gone, and he chuckled.
“What?” Will asked.
“You brought home a feral house cat, you know,” Mouse told him, “and you’ve tamed me. You’ve turned me into a little lap cat purring whenever you pet me.”
“You just needed a little love and someone who wasn’t afraid to get bitten and scratched a few times in the process.”
Mouse kissed him again, and they rested their foreheads together.
“I made you a tofu rice bowl for dinner if you’re hungry.”
“You made me dinner?”
“Yeah, I did. Is that okay?”
Mouse let out his own soft laugh and nuzzled his nose into Will’s cheek.
“You’re the first person to go out of their way to make me dinner, especially dinner made just for me and what I eat. It’s weird.”
“Get used to it, baby,” Will murmured. “Let me grab the bowls. Do you want something to drink? I think we still have some bottles of beer left over, or there’s water if you’re not feeling like drinking today.”
“Water, please. Alcohol feels a bit dangerous tonight, after everything.”
“Sounds good. I’ll be right back. Don’t move, alright? Except, take off your shoes, and jacket, and -”
“Oh, I’ll jack it, alright,” Mouse said, that playful teasing he always flung at Will easily back in his voice. “Especially to your ass in those scrubs.”
“I love you, you’re fucking ridiculous sometimes.” He leaned in and pressed a kiss to Mouse’s forehead, and then pulled away. “Eat your dinner. We’ll talk more later, yeah?”
“Yeah,” Mouse said and he smiled. “We’ve got all the time in the world to get to it.”